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Why Can't I Just Do The Dang Work?

James Klymus

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I've been a member here for almost a year now, but I wanted to finally make an intro to myself and also get some guidance.

I just turned 24 last weekend, live outside of Chicago, and work a full time job at a restaurant. Since my birthday just passed, I usually reflect on my life around this time of year. And to be totally honest, I'm not where I want to be at all. I don't even feel like I'm moving in the direction I want to be moving, and I feel powerless and like I can't change the momentum I've generated so far.

My story starts off similarly to a lot of entrepreneurs. I didn't like school, always felt like coloring outside the lines, didn't like being told what to do, etc...

When I was 19 I found 2 things: MJ's Book The Millionaire Fastlane , and internet marketing.

I'll admit, I fell for some guru sales pitches. I've bought a course or 2 over the years, and they weren't all useless. Heck a guru was the one who told me to read MJ's book.

When I was about 20 I made some OK money with my ecom store, about $15k profit in 3 months. It wasn't bad for a kid working at a restaurant.

But I took "fake it till you make it" way out of context and I started to get into debt. I went out and bought a $35,000 car, And I had at least $6,000+ in credit card debt. I had dropped out of college a few months prior.

I was about to be rich wasn't I? Who cares if I had a car note that was the same amount as my yearly pay at my job. Who cares if I put that new TV on a credit card. I'll be rich soon and I'll pay it off no problem!

I was living like a future me that wouldn't exist as soon as I thought.

But of course, my store stopped turning a profit. Competition crept in and I got blindsided. I went from $1,200 a day in sales to 0 in a couple of weeks.

And from then until about a year a go I really tried to make ecom work. I tried different products, marketing angles and copy. But I just couldn't make it work for me. I got discouraged and I decided it was best to move on. I didn't feel like selling trinkets on Facebook was really going to make a dent in the universe anyways.

After I decided to move on from ecom, I also thought about what my next move would be. I saw that there are a lot of local businesses that are struggling to detach from yellow pages, and other outdated marketing methods, and to adapt to social media and advertising on Facebook and AdWords.

And since I had a lot of experience running Facebook ads for my stores over the years, I knew I could help these business owners.

At first I was pumped, I was excited to move in this new direction. But when the excitement inevitably fades, and the reality of having to reach out to total strangers hits, I stopped right in my tracks.

And thats how I've spent the past year or so. In analysis paralysis, and also hopping from business to business. I tried to restart ecom stores, start another business, youtube channel. It all seems like I'm doing all of these as a way to procrastinate on the things that I actually want to accomplish.

I've also been cleaning up the debt mess I made earlier for the past year or so. I threw most of my savings at the credit card debt, and I sold the $35,000 car that I bought. That also seems to be a form of procrastination from starting my business funny enough. Paying off my debt.

I'm 24 and live with my family still (I pay them $450 a month), But I don't want to end up a man child who never leaves the nest. I feel like I'm just comfortable enough now to not have the fire under my a$$ to move in this direction. I make OK money, have food water shelter, good relationships. All my basic needs are covered and I have plenty of free time. And while living with my family isn't ideal, It provides a mediocre comfort.

Funny enough I don't care about having super nice things or some crazy life style right now either. I went from a late model muscle car to a 10 year old Toyota with 100,000 miles. Yes, I want to be wealthy and have amazing life experiences, But I more so what to get fulfillment out of building something I'm proud of and serving my customers the best I can.

Has anyone else ever felt like they're just frozen in a big block of procrastination? If so how did you get out?
 
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Primeperiwinkle

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YES!!

I was TOTALLY STUCK FOR EIGHT F*ckING MONTHS.

Here’s the long road summarized that got me out of it.

Short Version: My character had to change.

Long Version:

1. Multiple deep emo convos and arguments with people who offered me what I thought were my dreams. 4hr marathons of convos. Discussions that spun fantastical things. Realizing.. I wanted to make my own damn dreams come true.
2. Answering super personal questions about my why over and over again to a few entrepreneur friends who made it their mission to get inside my head.
3. Visualizing my ONE perfect goal so well I could taste it.
4. Realizing I was substituting the power rush I get when I connect with people instead of connecting to feelings of happiness about saving money, managing my time, and just being a badass entrepreneur who brings high amounts of level to every customer.
5. Reading Indistractible, The Obstacle is The Way, The War of Art, The One Thing, The Big Leap, and approximately fifteen other books about time, goals, or motivation.
6. Praying for God to remove a spirit of distraction.
7. Asking myself “What would happen if I continued to do nothing?”
8. Reading a Literature Classic called “The Water Babies” to my 9yr old and getting to the point in the story where the fairy tells about the Doasyoulikes turning into horrible things.. and realizing I do NOT want to be a person who has no strength of fortitude or self-control.
9. Realizing that I could continue to “feel” my feelings of blahness foreverrrrrrr OR I COULD JUST TELL MYSELF TO STFU AND GET TO WORK.
10. Downloading 2Doist so I could set weekly goals.
11. Downloading and learning YNAB so I could track my budgeting.
12. Dumping any extraneous relationships and reducing the amount of time I spend with those that are left.

And.. I’m making crazy progress now. I got through it, one day at a time.

The End.

My point? I dunno what the heck is gonna work for you man, but .. SOMETHING will. Just keep looking for yourself and shaving off the wonky edges of your character that are selfish, afraid, lazy, or sad. When you’re a better you.. you benefit the world. And the world needs you. Really.
 

Entre Eyes

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"Has anyone else ever felt like they're just frozen in a big block of procrastination? If so how did you get out?"


For me I think back when I first read where someone was adding an income statement to their brand new website and it was just a couple dollars and a year later it's several thousand a month.

It hits you like a ton of bricks you need to stop going for the Grand Slam Homer's and get those base hits daily.
 
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Entre Eyes

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Traveling to Higher Conciousness

Fun and helpful resource my friend. Motivates me to create one like it.

I should also include a thank you to the Op because that motivated you to leave the link. Everything connected ha.
 

MHP368

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It hits you like a ton of bricks you need to stop going for the Grand Slam Homer's and get those base hits daily.

No I feel you , what helped me was tightening up my daily rituals so even if i'm not knocking it out of the ballpark it doesn't feel like a wasted day. You get all psyched about your entrepreneurial dreams and you get antsy , it feels like wasted time. You have to have something grounding you , a routine where every day you're 1% better , even if you aren't making sales (or whatever).

Its so easy to not have a business idea and let that be an excuse to try some done for you guru packaged "business model" . Ill tell you from personal experience , filing an llc and wasting money on the same plan thirty thousand others heard about on some targeted facebook ad is not the solution.
 

Primeperiwinkle

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No I feel you , what helped me was tightening up my daily rituals so even if i'm not knocking it out of the ballpark it doesn't feel like a wasted day. You get all psyched about your entrepreneurial dreams and you get antsy , it feels like wasted time. You have to have something grounding you , a routine where every day you're 1% better , even if you aren't making sales (or whatever).

Its so easy to not have a business idea and let that be an excuse to try some done for you guru packaged "business model" . Ill tell you from personal experience , filing an llc and wasting money on the same plan thirty thousand others heard about on some targeted facebook ad is not the solution.

This. 1000%

I’m still working on this but I’m making real progress with just making the day be productive from beginning to end.
 
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RazorCut

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I think first you need to figure out what is holding you back.

  • Is it procrastination or self sabotage as you fear another failure?
  • Is it simply because you are firmly entrenched in your comfort zone and just can't get past it as you don't have an idea worthy enough to entertain the effort required?
  • Is it that you simply don't want it badly enough?
  • Is it entirely something else?

Feelings of frustration is often due to procrastination. That procrastination can be brought on by a strong fear of failure.

We talked quite a bit about fear of failure and about taking small daily steps here

I'm a big advocate of small steps if you can't find it in you to immerse yourself in a project as small steps slowly creates momentum. And it does work.

@Primeperiwinkle has gone from frustration, to small steps to strong focused daily action in a very short space of time. And the longer she continues in that vein, the more progress she makes. Progress she can visibly measure. The longer she maintains that momentum the stronger the habit she will build and the harder it will be to knock her off course. She is building up steam and soon will be a runaway train if she can maintain it.

And thats how I've spent the past year or so. In analysis paralysis, and also hopping from business to business. I tried to restart ecom stores, start another business, youtube channel. It all seems like I'm doing all of these as a way to procrastinate on the things that I actually want to accomplish.

I went through a bout of analysis paralysis about 4 years ago. It seems that you've created a blueprint for yourself with half-hearted attempts leading to failure. That continual failure loop leads to the fear of failure itself which can block any forward motion.

Failing from one idea to the next is discussed here:


So I think you need a win under your belt so you can break that cycle. Just pick an easy business model. Something you know you can win. That way it will reduce the feelings of anguish and quieten your amygdala from cries out "don't do it, we don't want to fail again!"

Just find a local need and help those around you. Ignore CENTS, you are not looking for the perfect business model, you are just looking to build back some confidence. You can then use that as a stepping stone to heal the hidden fears within and get back on the road to success.

Have a look at @PizzaOnTheRoof's Favouite Gem (below) in the first post of his thread here:

My favorite gems:
If you were stripped of everything but your education, knowledge, and skills, and were transplanted into the life of someone living in deep poverty, could you make it back out to where you are today?

We would all say yes, most likely we could...

Now, what if someone who owns a wildly successful business, drives a Ferrari, and owns a private helicopter were transplanted into YOUR LIFE? Could they make it back to where they were?

If we say yes to that question then that means the gap from where you are, to where they are, only exists in YOUR MIND.
You are separated from your goals by a number of actions. Not a number of years.
Now you have already created a profitable Ecom business, even though it might have had its foundations built on sand. You have the skills. You just need the confidence to start something new and see it through.
 
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StrikingViper69

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How to beat procrastination:

1. Figure out the 3-5 daily actions you need to take to make progress
2. Have a day planner notebook. Write out the next days actions the night before
3. Adjust your timetable so the first thing you do every day is work on them - will power is strongest in the morning.
4. Cross them off your planner as you go

Once every 13 weeks re-evaluate your list

(basically Andy Frisella's Powerlist Idea)
 

Mutant

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Everyone has given you some solid advice about daily habits & small wins that I can’t put better myself so won’t. However this sentence stood out to me:

But when the excitement inevitably fades, and the reality of having to reach out to total strangers hits, I stopped right in my tracks.

Almost any business you do will involve the need to reach out to total strangers at some point. You cannot let this stop you.

One thing you could do, before you’ve even settled on a business idea (if you’re going to take time on that) is work on your confidence talking to strangers. This could mean going to networking events (they often have a talk or panel discussion attached) where everyone knows networking is part of the point of the evening, therefore they’re expecting cold approaches, & you’ll have a receptive crowd. You don’t have to go to sell anything, just learn about what different people are up to, which could actually lead to business opportunities, but is still a win even if it doesn’t.

Alternatively, you could for something more structured & formal, like doing a Toastmasters (public speaking) course, or something way less formal, like attending a meet-up for people who share an interest of yours. You know what’ll be a stretch for you, & what’s easy, whether you want to work your way up, or take the plunge. Any which way, the best way to get comfortable doing this is to do it, a lot. Put in some hours. Whatever direction you take, it won’t be time wasted.
 

James Klymus

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  • Is it procrastination or self sabotage as you fear another failure?
  • Is it simply because you are firmly entrenched in your comfort zone and just can't get past it as you don't have an idea worthy enough to entertain the effort required?
  • Is it that you simply don't want it badly enough?

-Yes I honestly feel like it is fear of another failure. Havent had a win like my ecom store in a few years and alot of failures and losing my savings in between.

-Yes I also think I have some fear of leaving my comfort zone, but Im overcoming that more and more by doing new things

-Man its funny. I consider this my lifes purpose and my career path, yet it's been so hard the past year for me to get to work. I havent had my true FTE yet, just glimpses of one. I'll continue on anyways, but once I have a true FTE I think things will compound.

So I think you need a win under your belt so you can break that cycle. Just pick an easy business model. Something you know you can win. That way it will reduce the feelings of anguish and quieten your amygdala from cries out "don't do it, we don't want to fail again!"

I absolutely think I need another win under my belt. Like I said, I havent had many wins since my store a couple years ago, and I feel discouraged. I'm getting more encouraged to break that cycle.

I know I'll always have failures, but Ill keep this in mind when things get tough again.

I appreciate you helping out @RazorCut
 
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James Klymus

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One thing you could do, before you’ve even settled on a business idea (if you’re going to take time on that) is work on your confidence talking to strangers.

Honestly this is something I've been working on this past year and I'm 10x more out going and willing to talk to strangers than I was even just a few months ago.

I work around different people every day, and I realized it's a wasted learning opportunity to not interact with them.
 

ChrisV

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So you already know my thoughts on this @James Klymus

You can't ignore the role of biology in this. Some people are just born go-getters while others slack.

NOTABLE! What's The Difference Between Slackers And Go Getters? The Answer May Have To Do W/ Brain Chemistry.

The trick is to alter your biology in order to be more in line with those who are naturally motivated.

motivation-2.png

I'm not recommending any particular substance, and some of those can be dangerous.. but I'm simply pointing out the role of chemistry in motivation.

That's the first thing. Then the next thing is to become a salesman and sell yourself on whatever you want to accomplish. If your goal isn't totally salient, you're not going to have the motivation to achieve it. Advertisers make the benefits of buying their product so real you can feel them. Food companies know how to make their product look so appealing that you run out and grab it. What you want to do is use similar tactics on your own to 'sell' yourself on whatever you want to achieve. Use the same persuasion tactics on yourself.

We're motivated to do things we think will feel good, and avoid things we think will feel bad. So if there's some fear, that could stop you dead in your tracks. You need to remove the fear. You have to remove punishments and stack rewards.

A Medium post of mine o the topic:


So it's a combination of Biology and Psychology, but Biology is actually the bigger piece of the puzzle, and those who are less educated on this tend to ignore it.
 

ChrisV

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Also, the brain has this strange tug of war between your long term goals, and your short term goals. Between working on your business and watching funny cat videos on YouTube. Between a healthy chicken salad and doritos. It turns out that tug of war is largely mediated by a battle between the Prefrontal Cortex and the limbic system. This video explains it well. The more you can do to strengthen your Prefrontal Cortex, the more you'll have the willpower to focus on long-term goals:

View: https://youtu.be/8UsI9CXHm6o?t=71


This channel (Causeway) has a bunch of good videos on the subject as well

Like we spoke about getting a genetic test can tell you a lot about where you stand in this.
 
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Tourmaline

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Read Indistractable for help with getting things done and taking control of your mind.
 

Dan_Cardone

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Do you wake up and have a daily to-do list with actionable items that when followed will lead to your desired goals?

I used to be a HUGE procrastinator and get distracted super easily until I started using a to-do list and a Pomodoro Timer.

Make a three month goal(s) and then figure out every single task that must be completed to achieve that goal(s). Seriously, get a pen and paper and brainstorm every single task. It may take you 10 minutes, it may take you 10 hours... JUST. DO. IT.

That list is now your "Inbox." Every night before you go to bed look at that list and circle three things that would move you closest to your goals once completed. The next morning get up, set your pomodoro timer (google it) and start working on those three task. If you finish all three before the day is up then go add three more.

Rinse and repeat every day until you hit your goals. Then set more goals!

Second, find someone who will hold you accountable and light a fire under your a$$.

Third, keep a journal on this forum. People here are amazingly helpful and if they see you are doing the work they will jump in to help answer questions and keep you on track.
 

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About the chart: Adderall is not a nootropic, it is a hard drug. It contains meth. METH. Yes, there are many drugs that will make a person feel motivated. That doesn't mean that it's a good idea to depend on a substance.

That aside, I take issue with these statements, that I think are very dangerous:
You can't ignore the role of biology in this. Some people are just born go-getters while others slack.
The trick is to alter your biology in order to be more in line with those who are naturally motivated.

I would be very careful with blaming stuff on brain chemistry. I've been down that road.

I've read the article you linked in the other thread. It mostly just says: "We set up some games where you can win fictional money by doing a task, and the ones that were more motivated to play that particular game had more dopamine 'here', and the ones who didn't make as good an effort had more dopamine 'there'".

It's easy to twist that to mean: "Some people are naturally more motivated because they naturally have more of neurotransmitter X in location Y"

Which would be convenient, because it enables a victim mindset, letting people think: "See, finally there is proof that things are just harder for me, because others have more of neurotransmitter X in location Y. That's it, it's decided. My life is hard."
Very dangerous trap indeed.

I know, because I spent many years believing that I have AD(H)D, and so concentration and motivation was harder for me. Until I figured out that that belief itself was the trap, the only reason I was not motivated/focused is because society had invented an excuse for me, and I had gladly accepted it, not knowing what I was doing to myself.

But this is a trap. In no way does the research say that this is something that is fixed to the person.

It doesn't say that someone is born with it.

It doesn't even prove a causal link, whatsoever!

Actually the only thing it says, is that if you try hard at a certain game, you have a certain dopamine profile.

The causal link may just as well be the other way: "If you pick the harder challenges in a game, YOU GET more dopamine in your striatum and ventromedial prefrontal cortex, and less dopamine in the anterior insula."

Just as likely, from the research.

See how different it sounds, though? Suddenly it's no longer something to blame stuff on, but to take action on!!!


Confusing correlation for a causal link is a trap you see everywhere in science journalism.

Don't be a victim of it!!!
 
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ChrisV

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About the chart: Adderall is not a nootropic, it is a hard drug. It contains meth. METH. Yes, there are many drugs that will make a person feel motivated. That doesn't mean that it's a good idea to depend on a substance.

That aside, I take issue with these statements, that I think are very dangerous:



I would be very careful with blaming stuff on brain chemistry. I've been down that road.

I've read the article you linked in the other thread. It mostly just says: "We set up some games where you can win fictional money by doing a task, and the ones that were more motivated to play that particular game had more dopamine 'here', and the ones who didn't make as good an effort had more dopamine 'there'".

It's easy to twist that to mean: "Some people are naturally more motivated because they naturally have more of neurotransmitter X in location Y"

Which would be convenient, because it enables a victim mindset, letting people think: "See, finally there is proof that things are just harder for me, because others have more of neurotransmitter X in location Y. That's it, it's decided. My life is hard."
Very dangerous trap indeed.

I know, because I spent many years believing that I have AD(H)D, and so concentration and motivation was harder for me. Until I figured out that that belief itself was the trap, the only reason I was not motivated/focused is because society had invented an excuse for me, and I had gladly accepted it, not knowing what I was doing to myself.

But this is a trap. In no way does the research say that this is something that is fixed to the person.

It doesn't say that someone is born with it.

It doesn't even prove a causal link, whatsoever!

Actually the only thing it says, is that if you try hard at a certain game, you have a certain dopamine profile.

The causal link may just as well be the other way: "If you pick the harder challenges in a game, YOU GET more dopamine in your striatum and ventromedial prefrontal cortex, and less dopamine in the anterior insula."

Just as likely, from the research.

See how different it sounds, though? Suddenly it's no longer something to blame stuff on, but to take action on!!!


Confusing correlation for a causal link is a trap you see everywhere in science journalism.

Don't be a victim of it!!!
yea i've gotten into this nonsense argument too many times on this forum

i'm a professional research scientist.. i'm honestly not interested in having this debate with laypeople or those without a strong background in biology or neuroscience (phd or better)

take the advice or leave it
 
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ChrisV

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I used to be a HUGE procrastinator and get distracted super easily until I started using a to-do list and a Pomodoro Timer.
This is another huge thing. If you don't have goals your brain doesn't have anything to aim toward so it just defaults to whatever silly thing it decides it wants at the time. Which often means scrolling endlessly on Facebook or doing unproductive things.

Jordan Peterson's Future Authoring program is like dynamite in that regard. Every time I use that system to set a goal I achieve whatever it is I set out to do.

 

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i'm a professional research scientist.. i'm honestly not interested in having this debate with laypeople or those without a strong background in biology or neuroscience (phd or better)

So you assume I'm a layperson. Assumptions are very dangerous, someone in your profession should know that ;)

I'm not interested in a debate either, but I felt compelled to say something because I KNOW how dangerous and disempowering those things I pointed out that you said are, and I don't want people to pick them up as an excuse, and suffer needlessly because of it.
 
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ChrisV

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So you assume I'm a layperson. Assumptions are very dangerous, someone in your profession should know that ;)

I'm not interested in a debate either, but I felt compelled to say something because I KNOW how dangerous and disempowering those things I pointed out that you said are, and I don't want people to pick them up as an excuse, and suffer needlessly because of it.
i don't wanna clutter up his thread this crap. It's one of those topics that you need years of education to even start grasping, and everyone still has an opinion on despite the lack of education; like drug addiction or social policy and it gets annoying.

It's not an excuse, it's a solution. i've written about the subject ad nauseam. (if you're interested here and here off the top of my head)

if you have any concerns you can post them in one of those threads where it's on-topic.

Edit: here i left a reply to your comment
 
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3. Visualizing my ONE perfect goal so well I could taste it.

7. Asking myself “What would happen if I continued to do nothing?”
This ^^^

If you visualise your perfect day and life, until it feels real, and then visualise yourself on your deathbed regretting for now having lived it, but just an average one, because you didn't you the damn work, you should end up in tears and start working immediately. The dilema is simple: do you want to make your dreams become true, or not? If the answer is yes and you need money or a particular lifestyle not bound to a job/office, then you know what you have to do and you'll feel bad enough to do it.

3. Adjust your timetable so the first thing you do every day is work on them - will power is strongest in the morning.

This is also key. We are all busy with jobs and life. If you do the damn work first thing in the day, you leave out the chance of feeling tired, getting side-tracked by random stuff, etc., later in the day.

I can tell you the two things above work. From that, just find the way to make the most of that time (Pomodoro, or whatever tool).
 

Entre Eyes

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Once early in my Track and Field high school career :) I was competing in my first ever track meet and running the 330 Low Hurdles. I was in the lead! I was stunned. At the very end at the finish line I let someone pass me. I had beat myself and settled for 2nd place.

That thought motivates me every single day how I robbed myself. Never again.
 
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tylerwilkinson

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This is another huge thing. If you don't have goals your brain doesn't have anything to aim toward so it just defaults to whatever silly thing it decides it wants at the time. Which often means scrolling endlessly on Facebook or doing unproductive things.

Yup. This is why I think (amateur opinion) certain drugs aren’t always effective especially with kids. When I was 13 (ish) I didn’t care about my biology homework, I wanted to read mystery and sci-fi. So I stayed up til dawn reading mystery and sci-fi and my parents wondered why the stuff wasn’t working. Hint hint: it worked.
 

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So you already know my thoughts on this @James Klymus

You can't ignore the role of biology in this. Some people are just born go-getters while others slack.

NOTABLE! What's The Difference Between Slackers And Go Getters? The Answer May Have To Do W/ Brain Chemistry.

The trick is to alter your biology in order to be more in line with those who are naturally motivated.

View attachment 27835

I'm not recommending any particular substance, and some of those can be dangerous.. but I'm simply pointing out the role of chemistry in motivation.

That's the first thing. Then the next thing is to become a salesman and sell yourself on whatever you want to accomplish. If your goal isn't totally salient, you're not going to have the motivation to achieve it. Advertisers make the benefits of buying their product so real you can feel them. Food companies know how to make their product look so appealing that you run out and grab it. What you want to do is use similar tactics on your own to 'sell' yourself on whatever you want to achieve. Use the same persuasion tactics on yourself.

We're motivated to do things we think will feel good, and avoid things we think will feel bad. So if there's some fear, that could stop you dead in your tracks. You need to remove the fear. You have to remove punishments and stack rewards.

A Medium post of mine o the topic:


So it's a combination of Biology and Psychology, but Biology is actually the bigger piece of the puzzle, and those who are less educated on this tend to ignore it.

Thanks again Chris, you always have some interesting research when it comes to brain chemistry.

Do you wake up and have a daily to-do list with actionable items that when followed will lead to your desired goals?

When I was having some success I would make a to do list before quitting work for the day, then the next morning I would have exactly what I needed to do. Hmmm don't know why I stopped that
 
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This is also key. We are all busy with jobs and life. If you do the damn work first thing in the day, you leave out the chance of feeling tired, getting side-tracked by random stuff, etc., later in the day.

I actually do get up a few hours before my job, and It used to be my work time then turned into browsing youtube time the past couple months :clench:
 

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Oh and for anyone with a self diagnosed youtube addiction (like me) There's an extension called BlockSite for google chrome. Just download it and put in the sites that distract you, like youtube, facebook, fastlane forum (JK!)

On my phone it's pretty easy to stay off social media when you have the apps deleted, and 95% of the time my personal facebook is deactivated so i'm not tempted to log in and scroll endlessly. I go weeks at a time sometimes without going on facebook.

These arent perfect solutions (you can easily turn off an extension or re download a social media app), but they've certainly helped me and I hope they can help you too
 

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