The Great Depression. (No, not the economic one)

[Premixedd]

Almost 4 years since I have joined TMF and vowed to change my life for the better, and I’m still spinning my wheels, working a horrible job that I despise, and haven’t made any real progress on moving forward. It hurts to admit it, but as of today I realized I needed to take responsibility for my actions (or be held accountable for the lack thereof).

I’ve been fighting the battle of supporting a family of 4 (Wife- who is stay at home mom to our two kids, plus myself) on a less than $35,000 a year salary. We have managed to cut our expenses to only rent/utilities/food/gas, and live on a very tight budget. We had over $10,000 saved as of January of this year, but work has slowed down for me which in turn has forced us to dig into savings every month to cover living expenses. We are now down to $7.5k in savings.

As mentioned in another thread, my employer offers an ESOP in which right now I am 60% vested and own over $12,000 worth of stock that can be cashed out once I leave the company. If I stay until September of 2021 I will own 100% of my portfolio which would net me roughly $40-45k.

I’ve been stuck lately trying to decide if staying employed in the slow lane for this “dangling carrot” or sorts, is worth it. I really hate my job, and it’s honestly making me depressed as well as killing my inner drive/creativity. The 9-5 robot mentality has started seeping into my brain- where every day I numb myself in order to preform the same routine over and over again. My hours are not set, and I work an ‘afternoon to close’ shift which means some days I work for 7-8 hours and others we are forced to stay for 10-12 hours. I never know what time I will be home or how busy we will be for the day. We are also constantly short handed and our turnover rate has more than doubled in my department since I have started. I am looked at under a senior/leadership role and have taken it upon myself to do my supervisor/managers job for them time and time again by advising other employees, addressing any issues or questions, and taking on the heaviest work loads. For all of this I make a whopping $17/Hr, while my colleagues make anywhere from $16-$16.50.

Yesterday I was offered another job that pays $2-4 more per hour, but it’s still a warehousing job and has no ESOP. At this point I could care less about a menial pay raise, as I’m more focused on the bigger picture.

I know honestly what I should be doing is focusing on something that I can turn into a second stream of income, which will eventually outpace my current income at my job in which I would be able to leave. Honestly though, I’ve bounced back-and-forth between so many different ideas (Amazon FBA,Small start up ideas, niche local labor business ideas, etc. ) that I think I’ve really just burnt myself out and lost track of where I need to be and what I need to focus on. Day today all I can think about is making more money than I make right now since I feel extremely undervalued. My work environment is extremely toxic and political, plus everyone I work with is an ex felon or Extremely simple minded person with a hunger for overtime so they can have more money to spend on the weekends.

I really never thought it would get this far and I am ashamed. I know I am a lot better than this. I need to put a plan in place and start taking action every day, no matter how small. I also think I need to try and surround myself with more like-minded individuals. I would have liked to attend the mastermind meet up here in Scottsdale, but I saw that it was sold out, plus honestly I can’t afford the admission.

To conclude, if anyone has any constructive criticism or encouraging wisdom to help me through this it would be very much appreciated. I need a breath of fresh air and a kick in the a$$, possibly some friends to network with. I’m going to start digging through all the gold on this forum again to try and stir up some ideas while I try and turn myself around.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[BizyDad]

I think you've answered your own question. Not worth it. Your goal isn't the esop $$.

That said, one of the most dangerous things is beating yourself up over shoulda woulda coulda. Forgive yourself for the past. You're here now. What are you going to do about it?

What skills or expertise are you developing in order to bring value to the world or your corner of it? If your job doesn't give you that, get a new job, a side hustle, a library card, spend weekends on YouTube etc to build up this other skill.

To be clear, I'm not saying quit. I'm just saying it sounds like you already know you don't want to stay for that carrot. Develop that skill and you'll know when it's time to leave.

 

[SteveO]

Not to undermine your plight... But, when you titled this as the great depression, I thought you were going to talk about the period that produced some really tough people.

Part of the problem that society has today is this feeling of being inadequate. Even on this forum it is touted that you need to feel the pain of a slowlane life in order to kick yourself into the next level.

I feel differently about this though. You see, I was a slowlaner for about 20 years and was very content. When I saw my opportunity, it was full speed ahead. I quit my decent paying job 3 years after making a decision to go out on my own.

I was happy though. The fastlane life has been a lot more stressful. Magnitudes more lucrative but the challenges needed to be overcome mentally. There have been sharp ups and downs over the past number of years. It has changed me as a person... for the better.

If you can accept where you are and be content with the situation, it will be a lot easier moving toward your goal. Don't stress yourself ahead of the stress that is to come.

 

[SteveO]

I think you've answered your own question. Not worth it. Your goal isn't the esop $$.

That said, one of the most dangerous things is beating yourself up over shoulda woulda coulda. Forgive yourself for the past. You're here now. What are you going to do about it?

What skills or expertise are you developing in order to bring value to the world or your corner of it? If your job doesn't give you that, get a new job, a side hustle, a library card, spend weekends on YouTube etc to build up this other skill.

To be clear, I'm not saying quit. I'm just saying it sounds like you already know you don't want to stay for that carrot. Develop that skill and you'll know when it's time to leave.

Excellent advice!!!

There are literally thousands of directions that you can go. Pick one and move towards it...

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Woodie]

I am looked at under a senior/leadership role and have taken it upon myself to do my supervisor/managers job for them time and time again by advising other employees, addressing any issues or questions, and taking on the heaviest work loads. For all of this I make a whopping $17/Hr, while my colleagues make anywhere from $16-$16.50.

Yesterday I was offered another job that pays $2-4 more per hour, but it’s still a warehousing job and has no ESOP. At this point I could care less about a menial pay raise, as I’m more focused on the bigger picture.

Since you are already doing a supervisory or a management role then apply to any new position as a warehouse supervisor or the next level up with another company. Move up not laterally, get yourself into a better mind frame with a new job/change. Yes, it to will become the same old BS but you will get the experience and then move on to the next better thing. Don't quit until you can transition to something better. Work the hardest you can at the current position before leaving. Work towards having more of your own time, you will never be able to do that as a common laborer. This will help you take care of your family and ease some of that pain/worry. Once your in a better place mentally then set one goal and then work towards that, just make sure it's not something like cure world hunger.

Don't get overwhelmed with trying to make something out of yourself. You have already accomplished that: you are a husband and father and try to be the best of each of those that you can be.

BizyDad brings up a lot of great things in the post above. You have a lot going on in your life focus on your family and making positive moves/decisions.

 

[LuckyPup]

Sounds like you're in a rut, but it seems like your mindset might be a significant part of the problem. Yours isn't a "great" depression by any meaningful standard, other than your own (Yes, I realize your title might simply have been an attention getter), and I'm not lecturing, I'm just trying to give you some perspective. Don't beat yourself up or feel ashamed, for no other reason that it's just not productive. And what you need to do is direct your energy into being productive.

It's important at this point to overcome your inertia and then gain momentum in a direction. My recommendation is to first work on your mindset, then take some action toward something, even if it's not the end-all, be-all.

Given how much you seem to loathe your work and that your family depends on your income alone, you should probably be careful not to make it worse and get yourself fired. So, in the short-term, how can you improve your current job situation or your opinion of it? Can you identify some areas that need to be improved at work - somewhere you can offer value?

While you're considering that, you might want to do a self-assessment. What are your strengths & weaknesses? What opportunities (aside from the other job you mentioned) exist for you, given your current knowledge and skills? If you think you lack other opportunities, why is that?

How do you spend your free time, aside from family activities? Are you spending it increasing your knowledge and skills and learning more about a business or niche, or are you action faking and/or money chasing?

As far as the Summit goes, there are plenty of other ways to surround yourself with people who can help you raise your game, but the big question is how can you deliver value to them? Do you network online or offline, say, via LinkedIn, Meetup, BNI, etc.? What value can you bring to your existing network? If you don't know, then maybe you should look harder.

Just a few thoughts.

 

[LuckyPup]

PS - Maybe your misery quotient just isn't high enough. In other words, maybe you just haven't had a FTE.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Get Right]

Why isn't your wife working?

 

[Here]

As someone who’s been there done that, I will say that money pressures and getting on the fast lane don’t necessarily work well together. It sounds like you’re so busy trying to stay above water that you can’t find your focus.

What worked for me was finding creative ways to live on a smaller budget. I then saved up money until I could afford to take off time from work.

In my case, my husband was in school and bringing in little income. Because he had a flexible schedule, he did a lot of deep cleaning so we didn’t need cleaning help. He watched the kid’s part of the time to save on childcare. Etc

 

[Low Chi]

Following your journey.

1
Get a used cheap copy of Think and grow rich (als known as TAGR by serial readers), written by Napoleon Hill or find the PDF online. Read the chapter 15 (How to outwit the six ghosts of fear). Then continue to read with chapter 8 (Decision). Then read the whole book and do all the exercises of each chapter - especially to gain the access to the "receiving set" for your upcoming ideas and opportunities. Many people will tell you, the book is outdated. Ignore them. They haven't re-read it often enough to find the keys.

Besides that start journaling to observe your thoughts and their impact on your perception. Your environment might be toxic, you should be aware, what your belief system is doing to your results right now. For that you can study (yes: study) another old book, I am constantly recommending: Mind Power by John Kehoe.

After you finished TAGR, decide if you are willing to reread the TAGR book several times - or continue to follow the carrot.

2
As long as you are working for your current employer: Reframe your perception. How could you contribute value to innovate daily work? Are there unsolved problems which can be fixed towards a higher salary? If you tell me, the company won't appreciate it: It doesn't matter. Don't let the current results dictate your Self Image or decrease your Attitude. Money is a form. Looking for problems to solve leads to money and ideas. There are several people worldwide who founded a company, because their old employer didn't want to implement their solutions. One of them is SAP
(see 1970s founding: History of SAP AG – FundingUniverse ) which has today a market cap. of 140 billion.

3
Find a coach. You will read about a guy named "Barnes" who became partner of Edison in the TAGR book. Apply it into your life after you decided for the field, you want to learn. Another book on mentorship relationship is "Mastery" by Robert Greene. That and this thread by MJ should help also to give you an idea "how to partner":

GOLD! - MINDSET - MJ is Offering FREE Mentoring! (Version 2)

Several times a week I get an email requesting a personal, one-on-one mentorship. Most of these emails are short-- so short that only question asked is "Do you mentor?" .. no information, no background, nothing! First, if this is your effort, finding a mentor will be the least of your worries...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

4
Chris Gardner said "Start where you are" - in fact he wrote a whole book with the title. You don't need the book. You need the sentence. Write it on a piece of paper. Pin it on your wall. And everytime you are down, when you think, you lack of anything (momentum, money, power, contacts, VCapital, network, infrastructure, ideas...) just read the sentence and find a next action step. Then act on it.

Good luck.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[BellaPippin]

Why isn't your wife working?

Because childcare cost for two kids might be a wash. Just a guess. When I was a kid my parents dropped me at my grandma's until they were off and they would feed me lunch and take me to-from school, but not everyone has family around or willing to help.

 

[becks22]

I would suggest a lateral move to another job in a management role if possible. You should be able to get a substantial pay raise this way. If bills are very tight and you need extra income on the side in the meantime, your wife may be able to use some of her skills while staying home. Upwork, transcribing medical claims, etc could provide you an extra 500-1000 or so a month.

Are you willing to provide more details on the other ideas you looked into? How come you didn't stick with them?

 

[MitchM]

In addition to what others are saying:

People seem to not take Amazon FBA as seriously anymore since everyone is doing it... but really, if you can get one product making decent income that will be a huge relief for you.

I just launched a second product last month that currently only has one review and is bringing me another 8-10 sales a day. My cost per unit is about $3 landed and I sell at $24.99 (although it is currently on sale.)

With ad costs factored in, this is going to bring me in another ~$100 bucks a day of profit.

The thing is, you have to make a product that brings in NEW value. Don't rip other shit off.

I also only spent $3k getting this one started (starting with 1000 units).

You could start with 500 units or 100 units if you're really wanting to avoid losing too much money.

There are other businesses you can start as well - my point is to just do something.

Also, because I feel for you and know it must be hard to raise your children while also doing something on the side - you can call me if you want and I'll talk to you and give you all of the advice that I can.

Just shoot me a PM if you're interested.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[BellaPippin]

Almost 4 years since I have joined TMF and vowed to change my life for the better, and I’m still spinning my wheels, working a horrible job that I despise, and haven’t made any real progress on moving forward. It hurts to admit it, but as of today I realized I needed to take responsibility for my actions (or be held accountable for the lack thereof).

I’ve been fighting the battle of supporting a family of 4 (Wife- who is stay at home mom to our two kids, plus myself) on a less than $35,000 a year salary. We have managed to cut our expenses to only rent/utilities/food/gas, and live on a very tight budget. We had over $10,000 saved as of January of this year, but work has slowed down for me which in turn has forced us to dig into savings every month to cover living expenses. We are now down to $7.5k in savings.

As mentioned in another thread, my employer offers an ESOP in which right now I am 60% vested and own over $12,000 worth of stock that can be cashed out once I leave the company. If I stay until September of 2021 I will own 100% of my portfolio which would net me roughly $40-45k.

I’ve been stuck lately trying to decide if staying employed in the slow lane for this “dangling carrot” or sorts, is worth it. I really hate my job, and it’s honestly making me depressed as well as killing my inner drive/creativity. The 9-5 robot mentality has started seeping into my brain- where every day I numb myself in order to preform the same routine over and over again. My hours are not set, and I work an ‘afternoon to close’ shift which means some days I work for 7-8 hours and others we are forced to stay for 10-12 hours. I never know what time I will be home or how busy we will be for the day. We are also constantly short handed and our turnover rate has more than doubled in my department since I have started. I am looked at under a senior/leadership role and have taken it upon myself to do my supervisor/managers job for them time and time again by advising other employees, addressing any issues or questions, and taking on the heaviest work loads. For all of this I make a whopping $17/Hr, while my colleagues make anywhere from $16-$16.50.

Yesterday I was offered another job that pays $2-4 more per hour, but it’s still a warehousing job and has no ESOP. At this point I could care less about a menial pay raise, as I’m more focused on the bigger picture.

I know honestly what I should be doing is focusing on something that I can turn into a second stream of income, which will eventually outpace my current income at my job in which I would be able to leave. Honestly though, I’ve bounced back-and-forth between so many different ideas (Amazon FBA,Small start up ideas, niche local labor business ideas, etc. ) that I think I’ve really just burnt myself out and lost track of where I need to be and what I need to focus on. Day today all I can think about is making more money than I make right now since I feel extremely undervalued. My work environment is extremely toxic and political, plus everyone I work with is an ex felon or Extremely simple minded person with a hunger for overtime so they can have more money to spend on the weekends.

I really never thought it would get this far and I am ashamed. I know I am a lot better than this. I need to put a plan in place and start taking action every day, no matter how small. I also think I need to try and surround myself with more like-minded individuals. I would have liked to attend the mastermind meet up here in Scottsdale, but I saw that it was sold out, plus honestly I can’t afford the admission.

To conclude, if anyone has any constructive criticism or encouraging wisdom to help me through this it would be very much appreciated. I need a breath of fresh air and a kick in the a$$, possibly some friends to network with. I’m going to start digging through all the gold on this forum again to try and stir up some ideas while I try and turn myself around.

I can't say I've been there cause I don't have a family of 4, it's just me. I can easily go on ramen or have a couple friends I can ask for a couch worse comes to worst.

Not sure what industry you are in but do you have a few years experience there? Jump ship, man. Like someone else said. Start applying for stuff. You never know what will come up. I started in 2014 as a teller just because I was bilingual and some retail experience at 20k. A year later when I was bored to death I asked my manager to make me a banker. He said he couldn't have one more banker. So I said to myself, "if you don't make me a banker I will find someone who will". I started applying internally. Within 3 weeks I was at another branch, closer to home, as a banker. +10k and way better bonuses (not that I made much but the option was there). The coworkers were much better too, the area was nicer.

Year and a bit later the sales quotas started to choke me. I was falling behind and stress started piling up. Our branch clientele was 90% self-serve so we barely had anyone come in. It was a continuous hustle to get leads and I wasn't into it anyway. Right when I was about to collapse my BFF's boyfriend said there was an opening at the small company where he worked. He said they valued people with banking experience. I didn't think twice and three weeks or so later I had a new job. Even closer to home, office job, no customer service. +15k.

I got bored to death again, couldn't focus for the life of me, start falling behind, feeling trapped. A bigger company acquired us this August and suddenly everyone's questioning whether they are of some value to the company or completely disposable (guess what). Couldn't do anything about that, and the uncertainty was killing me, so I did the only thing I could to take some control: I started applying. Before the month mark I got a call and three weeks later.... well, I started my new job last month. +10k.

I went from 20k to 55k in 5 years just by jumping ship and I don't even have a degree. Just customer service, good computer skills and get stuff done and show up on time, in my case. I do well in interviews. Luck was on my side too.

Point being, don't be stuck. You don't lose anything by applying to stuff while you are working. If you have a few years experience you can already apply somewhere else, start looking for something different. Do what's best for you, at the end of the day you are just a number for them. Sometimes that change gives you a breath of fresh air that feels like a break. Also always ask for a bit more of what you see average on Glassdoor, say, they can always counter with less; that way you move with raise included. So what if you're flipping burgers at McDonalds, you might get Shift Manager at the next Burger King. Then you move to catering assistant at a Corner Bakery etc etc. play their game to gain some traction for a while.

Never feel bad about having a job, per se. It's just temporary, remind yourself that. It's not who you are it's just a means to an end for now. If you need to play the game for a bit longer so what. Get your hands dirty. You never know when or where you might come with a good idea by learning your industry or when you might have a customer that happens to know of an opening for X etc etc.

There's no giving up there's just keep going. Say to yourself, "this too shall pass". Everything is temporary. Better times will come. Then it might get shittier again for a while, then better. It's a rocking boat. The only thing that matters is that you hang on tight and ride the storm. Find support with your family. Hug each other. Find cheap things to do together and have a good time, your kids won't be kids forever, be a family now and enjoy it in any way you can. In the meantime, keep casting the net and keep your eyes open and take the chance if you see a good opportunity. Like MJ said the Fastlane is a mentality. Keep looking, keep trying things when you can.

It will pass I promise.

 

[Bekit]

If anyone has any constructive criticism or encouraging wisdom to help me through this it would be very much appreciated.

Here are a couple of my observations.

Almost 4 years since I have joined TMF and vowed to change my life for the better, and I’m still spinning my wheels, working a horrible job that I despise, and haven’t made any real progress on moving forward. It hurts to admit it, but as of today I realized I needed to take responsibility for my actions (or be held accountable for the lack thereof).

It's good to take personal responsibility. However, this can easily slip into self shaming and self loathing. I see a lot of this in your post. Be careful of this. It is an unhealthy mindset that is ultimately unhelpful. It sounds like you might be trying to get leverage over yourself by shaming yourself into a desired behavior. There are better, more productive ways of producing new behaviors in yourself. Your own mindset is probably the biggest part of the battle.

I’ve been fighting the battle of supporting a family of 4 (Wife- who is stay at home mom to our two kids, plus myself) on a less than $35,000 a year salary.

Survival mode. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Be aware that this is another thing that will fight against a healthy mindset. I know. I've been there. Ultimately, this season of struggle will make you stronger, more empathetic, and more persevering. But for right now, while you're in the middle of it, and you're suffering, and you're scrambling to keep your chin above water, it can be really painful. I'm sorry for what you're experiencing.

Two small exercises to help to counteract survival mode and practice an abundance mentality. If this sounds like insanity, that's normal. The survival brain will be screaming at you not to do this. "It's not safe! It will be catastrophic!"
1) Give something away to someone less fortunate. Even if it is $1. The amount doesn't matter as much as the gesture. Choosing to be generous, even while you're barely surviving, is a powerful action to teach your brain, "things are going to be ok." And when your brain calms down, you'll be much better at decision making.

2) Spend time on rest or pleasure. Set aside some time once a week for something that is NOT work. Take your family on a picnic. Read a book. Walk down by the river. Whatever. If you can, make it an entire day. You don't have to do this forever, just choose to do something fun with some of your time. Even if it's a small amount. This will probably be more scary than giving money away. The point is not to waste some of your already scarce time. The point is to give your brain practice in "abundance mode."

We have managed to cut our expenses to only rent/utilities/food/gas, and live on a very tight budget. We had over $10,000 saved as of January of this year, but work has slowed down for me which in turn has forced us to dig into savings every month to cover living expenses. We are now down to $7.5k in savings.

Wow. CONGRATULATIONS. Do you realize this puts you way ahead of me? I'm reading this thinking I'd like to trade places haha. I say that just for perspective. You are actually doing a fabulous job. A sidewalker would be $50,000 in debt right now. But you saved $10 grand, and then you had a little cushion to fall back on when times got rough. Do you realize what an accomplishment this is? Do you realize how disciplined this shows you to be, how ready to sacrifice you've proved yourself to be, and how loyal and on board your wife must be? Wow. Not everyone has that.

In other words, not everything is against you. You've got some excellent qualities in your favor.

As mentioned in another thread, my employer offers an ESOP in which right now I am 60% vested and own over $12,000 worth of stock that can be cashed out once I leave the company. If I stay until September of 2021 I will own 100% of my portfolio which would net me roughly $40-45k.

This is tempting. I feel like it would put me WAAAAY ahead if I were in your shoes to stick it out until it is 100% vested.

Arguments for:

• That's like a year's wages that you could use to put into your fastlane pursuits
• If you can't develop your side hustle in the nooks and crannies of your life as it is now, it's unlikely that you will do it when you have more free time. Forge your determination in the crucible of "hard-or-impossible" circumstances, and you'll have what it takes to crush it in the fastlane. Alternatively, keep on waiting for that "better time" and you may never find it.

Arguments against:

• It sounds genuinely toxic at your workplace. This can override any arguments in favor of staying.
• You can still pursue a side gig in the context of full time employment if you change jobs.
• The toxicity of your job is definitely taking a huge toll on your mind and life. It's a detriment to being able to rise up and conquer. No matter what fastlane idea you pursue, you'll be more effective if you aren't being torn to pieces on a daily basis by petty narcissistic gossips and bullies.

I’ve been stuck lately trying to decide if staying employed in the slow lane for this “dangling carrot” or sorts, is worth it. I really hate my job, and it’s honestly making me depressed as well as killing my inner drive/creativity. The 9-5 robot mentality has started seeping into my brain- where every day I numb myself in order to preform the same routine over and over again. My hours are not set, and I work an ‘afternoon to close’ shift which means some days I work for 7-8 hours and others we are forced to stay for 10-12 hours. I never know what time I will be home or how busy we will be for the day. We are also constantly short handed and our turnover rate has more than doubled in my department since I have started. I am looked at under a senior/leadership role and have taken it upon myself to do my supervisor/managers job for them time and time again by advising other employees, addressing any issues or questions, and taking on the heaviest work loads. For all of this I make a whopping $17/Hr, while my colleagues make anywhere from $16-$16.50.

Yesterday I was offered another job that pays $2-4 more per hour, but it’s still a warehousing job and has no ESOP. At this point I could care less about a menial pay raise, as I’m more focused on the bigger picture.

I know honestly what I should be doing is focusing on something that I can turn into a second stream of income, which will eventually outpace my current income at my job in which I would be able to leave. Honestly though, I’ve bounced back-and-forth between so many different ideas (Amazon FBA,Small start up ideas, niche local labor business ideas, etc. ) that I think I’ve really just burnt myself out and lost track of where I need to be and what I need to focus on. Day today all I can think about is making more money than I make right now since I feel extremely undervalued. My work environment is extremely toxic and political, plus everyone I work with is an ex felon or Extremely simple minded person with a hunger for overtime so they can have more money to spend on the weekends.

Sounds pretty brutal. I think you can do better for yourself. It might take a couple of months to clear the junk out of your head from being around all these people all the time. I'd be tempted to cash out the stock, take the better paying job, and keep your eyes open for an even better opportunity.

I really never thought it would get this far and I am ashamed. I know I am a lot better than this. I need to put a plan in place and start taking action every day, no matter how small. I also think I need to try and surround myself with more like-minded individuals. I would have liked to attend the mastermind meet up here in Scottsdale, but I saw that it was sold out, plus honestly I can’t afford the admission.

No need to be ashamed. It can happen to anyone. This is not a reflection on you. Chin up. Keep pursuing the light. You've got this.

 

[WJK]

Almost 4 years since I have joined TMF and vowed to change my life for the better, and I’m still spinning my wheels, working a horrible job that I despise, and haven’t made any real progress on moving forward. It hurts to admit it, but as of today I realized I needed to take responsibility for my actions (or be held accountable for the lack thereof).

I’ve been fighting the battle of supporting a family of 4 (Wife- who is stay at home mom to our two kids, plus myself) on a less than $35,000 a year salary. We have managed to cut our expenses to only rent/utilities/food/gas, and live on a very tight budget. We had over $10,000 saved as of January of this year, but work has slowed down for me which in turn has forced us to dig into savings every month to cover living expenses. We are now down to $7.5k in savings.

As mentioned in another thread, my employer offers an ESOP in which right now I am 60% vested and own over $12,000 worth of stock that can be cashed out once I leave the company. If I stay until September of 2021 I will own 100% of my portfolio which would net me roughly $40-45k.

I’ve been stuck lately trying to decide if staying employed in the slow lane for this “dangling carrot” or sorts, is worth it. I really hate my job, and it’s honestly making me depressed as well as killing my inner drive/creativity. The 9-5 robot mentality has started seeping into my brain- where every day I numb myself in order to preform the same routine over and over again. My hours are not set, and I work an ‘afternoon to close’ shift which means some days I work for 7-8 hours and others we are forced to stay for 10-12 hours. I never know what time I will be home or how busy we will be for the day. We are also constantly short handed and our turnover rate has more than doubled in my department since I have started. I am looked at under a senior/leadership role and have taken it upon myself to do my supervisor/managers job for them time and time again by advising other employees, addressing any issues or questions, and taking on the heaviest work loads. For all of this I make a whopping $17/Hr, while my colleagues make anywhere from $16-$16.50.

Yesterday I was offered another job that pays $2-4 more per hour, but it’s still a warehousing job and has no ESOP. At this point I could care less about a menial pay raise, as I’m more focused on the bigger picture.

I know honestly what I should be doing is focusing on something that I can turn into a second stream of income, which will eventually outpace my current income at my job in which I would be able to leave. Honestly though, I’ve bounced back-and-forth between so many different ideas (Amazon FBA,Small start up ideas, niche local labor business ideas, etc. ) that I think I’ve really just burnt myself out and lost track of where I need to be and what I need to focus on. Day today all I can think about is making more money than I make right now since I feel extremely undervalued. My work environment is extremely toxic and political, plus everyone I work with is an ex felon or Extremely simple minded person with a hunger for overtime so they can have more money to spend on the weekends.

I really never thought it would get this far and I am ashamed. I know I am a lot better than this. I need to put a plan in place and start taking action every day, no matter how small. I also think I need to try and surround myself with more like-minded individuals. I would have liked to attend the mastermind meet up here in Scottsdale, but I saw that it was sold out, plus honestly I can’t afford the admission.

To conclude, if anyone has any constructive criticism or encouraging wisdom to help me through this it would be very much appreciated. I need a breath of fresh air and a kick in the a$$, possibly some friends to network with. I’m going to start digging through all the gold on this forum again to try and stir up some ideas while I try and turn myself around.

I'd keep working until you are fully vested in your stock. The finished line is not far away. In the meantime, educate yourself. Keep on looking for the right opportunity. Keep saving. You are still very young. This process of finding your way in the world takes time. And it's sure not fun sometimes. Relax. This too shall pass. Enjoy your children and your wife. Live in the moment.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Premixedd]

I want to thank all that took time to reply. I had a late one at work last night (13 hour shift) so I haven’t had a chance to read through and reply. I’ll read up today when I get a break!

 

[Premixedd]

Why isn't your wife working?

Childcare is expensive. It would cost us more in child care than what she’s capable of earning.

 

[Premixedd]

In addition to what others are saying:

People seem to not take Amazon FBA as seriously anymore since everyone is doing it... but really, if you can get one product making decent income that will be a huge relief for you.

I just launched a second product last month that currently only has one review and is bringing me another 8-10 sales a day. My cost per unit is about $3 landed and I sell at $24.99 (although it is currently on sale.)

With ad costs factored in, this is going to bring me in another ~$100 bucks a day of profit.

The thing is, you have to make a product that brings in NEW value. Don't rip other shit off.

I also only spent $3k getting this one started (starting with 1000 units).

You could start with 500 units or 100 units if you're really wanting to avoid losing too much money.

There are other businesses you can start as well - my point is to just do something.

Also, because I feel for you and know it must be hard to raise your children while also doing something on the side - you can call me if you want and I'll talk to you and give you all of the advice that I can.

Just shoot me a PM if you're interested.

Thank you Mitch!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Premixedd]

I can't say I've been there cause I don't have a family of 4, it's just me. I can easily go on ramen or have a couple friends I can ask for a couch worse comes to worst.

Not sure what industry you are in but do you have a few years experience there? Jump ship, man. Like someone else said. Start applying for stuff. You never know what will come up. I started in 2014 as a teller just because I was bilingual and some retail experience at 20k. A year later when I was bored to death I asked my manager to make me a banker. He said he couldn't have one more banker. So I said to myself, "if you don't make me a banker I will find someone who will". I started applying internally. Within 3 weeks I was at another branch, closer to home, as a banker. +10k and way better bonuses (not that I made much but the option was there). The coworkers were much better too, the area was nicer.

Year and a bit later the sales quotas started to choke me. I was falling behind and stress started piling up. Our branch clientele was 90% self-serve so we barely had anyone come in. It was a continuous hustle to get leads and I wasn't into it anyway. Right when I was about to collapse my BFF's boyfriend said there was an opening at the small company where he worked. He said they valued people with banking experience. I didn't think twice and three weeks or so later I had a new job. Even closer to home, office job, no customer service. +15k.

I got bored to death again, couldn't focus for the life of me, start falling behind, feeling trapped. A bigger company acquired us this August and suddenly everyone's questioning whether they are of some value to the company or completely disposable (guess what). Couldn't do anything about that, and the uncertainty was killing me, so I did the only thing I could to take some control: I started applying. Before the month mark I got a call and three weeks later.... well, I started my new job last month. +10k.

I went from 20k to 55k in 5 years just by jumping ship and I don't even have a degree. Just customer service, good computer skills and get stuff done and show up on time, in my case. I do well in interviews. Luck was on my side too.

Point being, don't be stuck. You don't lose anything by applying to stuff while you are working. If you have a few years experience you can already apply somewhere else, start looking for something different. Do what's best for you, at the end of the day you are just a number for them. Sometimes that change gives you a breath of fresh air that feels like a break. Also always ask for a bit more of what you see average on Glassdoor, say, they can always counter with less; that way you move with raise included. So what if you're flipping burgers at McDonalds, you might get Shift Manager at the next Burger King. Then you move to catering assistant at a Corner Bakery etc etc. play their game to gain some traction for a while.

Never feel bad about having a job, per se. It's just temporary, remind yourself that. It's not who you are it's just a means to an end for now. If you need to play the game for a bit longer so what. Get your hands dirty. You never know when or where you might come with a good idea by learning your industry or when you might have a customer that happens to know of an opening for X etc etc.

There's no giving up there's just keep going. Say to yourself, "this too shall pass". Everything is temporary. Better times will come. Then it might get shittier again for a while, then better. It's a rocking boat. The only thing that matters is that you hang on tight and ride the storm. Find support with your family. Hug each other. Find cheap things to do together and have a good time, your kids won't be kids forever, be a family now and enjoy it in any way you can. In the meantime, keep casting the net and keep your eyes open and take the chance if you see a good opportunity. Like MJ said the Fastlane is a mentality. Keep looking, keep trying things when you can.

It will pass I promise.

I used to be a chronic job hopper. I told myself when I got this job that I would stay for at least 3 years to prove to myself that I could stay employed and become an asset to a company. I guess that may be part of my attachment here.

 

[Premixedd]

Here are a couple of my observations.


It's good to take personal responsibility. However, this can easily slip into self shaming and self loathing. I see a lot of this in your post. Be careful of this. It is an unhealthy mindset that is ultimately unhelpful. It sounds like you might be trying to get leverage over yourself by shaming yourself into a desired behavior. There are better, more productive ways of producing new behaviors in yourself. Your own mindset is probably the biggest part of the battle.


Survival mode. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Be aware that this is another thing that will fight against a healthy mindset. I know. I've been there. Ultimately, this season of struggle will make you stronger, more empathetic, and more persevering. But for right now, while you're in the middle of it, and you're suffering, and you're scrambling to keep your chin above water, it can be really painful. I'm sorry for what you're experiencing.

Two small exercises to help to counteract survival mode and practice an abundance mentality. If this sounds like insanity, that's normal. The survival brain will be screaming at you not to do this. "It's not safe! It will be catastrophic!"
1) Give something away to someone less fortunate. Even if it is $1. The amount doesn't matter as much as the gesture. Choosing to be generous, even while you're barely surviving, is a powerful action to teach your brain, "things are going to be ok." And when your brain calms down, you'll be much better at decision making.

2) Spend time on rest or pleasure. Set aside some time once a week for something that is NOT work. Take your family on a picnic. Read a book. Walk down by the river. Whatever. If you can, make it an entire day. You don't have to do this forever, just choose to do something fun with some of your time. Even if it's a small amount. This will probably be more scary than giving money away. The point is not to waste some of your already scarce time. The point is to give your brain practice in "abundance mode."


Wow. CONGRATULATIONS. Do you realize this puts you way ahead of me? I'm reading this thinking I'd like to trade places haha. I say that just for perspective. You are actually doing a fabulous job. A sidewalker would be $50,000 in debt right now. But you saved $10 grand, and then you had a little cushion to fall back on when times got rough. Do you realize what an accomplishment this is? Do you realize how disciplined this shows you to be, how ready to sacrifice you've proved yourself to be, and how loyal and on board your wife must be? Wow. Not everyone has that.

In other words, not everything is against you. You've got some excellent qualities in your favor.


This is tempting. I feel like it would put me WAAAAY ahead if I were in your shoes to stick it out until it is 100% vested.

Arguments for:

• That's like a year's wages that you could use to put into your fastlane pursuits
• If you can't develop your side hustle in the nooks and crannies of your life as it is now, it's unlikely that you will do it when you have more free time. Forge your determination in the crucible of "hard-or-impossible" circumstances, and you'll have what it takes to crush it in the fastlane. Alternatively, keep on waiting for that "better time" and you may never find it.

Arguments against:

• It sounds genuinely toxic at your workplace. This can override any arguments in favor of staying.
• You can still pursue a side gig in the context of full time employment if you change jobs.
• The toxicity of your job is definitely taking a huge toll on your mind and life. It's a detriment to being able to rise up and conquer. No matter what fastlane idea you pursue, you'll be more effective if you aren't being torn to pieces on a daily basis by petty narcissistic gossips and bullies.

Sounds pretty brutal. I think you can do better for yourself. It might take a couple of months to clear the junk out of your head from being around all these people all the time. I'd be tempted to cash out the stock, take the better paying job, and keep your eyes open for an even better opportunity.


No need to be ashamed. It can happen to anyone. This is not a reflection on you. Chin up. Keep pursuing the light. You've got this.

Extremely great points. Thank you for this!

 

[Premixedd]

To all who replied- Thank you very much for the encouraging and kind words of wisdom.

I guess I just needed to vent a little. Not having anyone around me (besides my wife) that understands the struggles you face when you aren’t a slow lane thinker can feel like your mentally fighting a never ending battle against your own emotions. God Bless MJ for creating this amazing network for likeminded individuals!

I am going to take some time to reflect on all the thoughts shared in this thread and re-asses my mental and physical state. Thanks again for all the great stuff everyone!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Andy Black]

As @WJK said... breathe, and enjoy your time with your family. It’s a journey and doesn’t happen overnight. Start chipping away at something outside of work. Rise above all the pettiness at work.

Try to get some quick wins. Getting an extra $100/mth recurring revenue would make a big difference to your confidence, and your wallet. So what can you do to make an extra $100/mth on the next week or two?

 

[msufan]

As @WJK Try to get some quick wins. Getting an extra $100/mth recurring revenue would make a big difference to your confidence, and your wallet. So what can you do to make an extra $100/mth on the next week or two?

This exactly. Replace wasted time (e.g. watching TV) with anything productive. You could cobble together some side income answering surveys on Respondent or even working on Mechanical Turk. Your wife should also try to eke out a few bucks for the good of the cause in the same way. From there, you can begin to feel like you have some ownership of your situation and begin to dream bigger. I think your exit timeline of September 2021 is perfect, actually, as it takes time to start up things on the side anyway.

 

[Get Right]

Childcare is expensive. It would cost us more in child care than what she’s capable of earning.

Part time at home work. Makes a huge difference for us (3 young kids).

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.