BizyDad
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FASTLANE INSIDER
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Two years ago today, my life unraveled. My ex-wife asked for a divorce. And she meant it. I spent the next 9 months in various stages of disaster, grief, self-anger and hopefulness. Yes, hopefulness. If there is a word for the emotion or feeling like God or fate is present in your presence presently, I was in and out of that stage too. It's a mind shift going from being a "we" to being a "me" again, especially when all I wanted my whole life was wrapped up in the concept of being a "we" in the first place. I'll never forget that first Saturday after the divorce went final. I woke up to an empty house. First time in years. No wife, no kids. I got out of bed, stretched, and asked myself, "Self, what am I going to do today?" And my self responded, "Let's check with (insert ex-wife's name here)." My brain froze as the slowest 2 second realization washed over me. I don't have to check with her anymore. I don't have to check with ANYBODY anymore. I can do anything I want to. Anything. And. So. I. Did.
One year ago today was not a great day. I knew it going in. I didn't want to get out of bed, but I did. I didn't go to work though. I sat and stared. I reflected, I thought and I stared some more. I did not drink. Drinking would make it easier. There was a time, a glorious time years earlier, when my relationship was new, and everything seemed possible. And I missed those times. What made those times so special was I was surrounded by people like me. People who had goals, vision, dreams beyond just "what am I going to do today?" I felt connected and plugged in. And I wanted that again. So I opened my browser and I Google millionaire fastlane forum. That was the day Summit tickets went on sale. I joined INSIDERS immediately. Something wasn't working, so I texted this guy @MJ DeMarco who I'd met years earlier, to ask it everything was cool and if he could look into it, maybe, if he's not too busy. I didn't think he'd text back so quickly. Bada bing, bada boom, I got my tickets. Something about being plugged in with other entreprenuers just felt right. I decided to start reading, maybe I'd meet some cool people. My first read was by the "Apple guy" who flipped MacBooks for profit, which gave me an idea. I knew a way I could get assorted electronics cheap, so I did, and I did what he said. I flipped a few laptops and a phone and made my money for the tickets and membership back in a couple weekends. I didn't come back to the site for a couple weeks.
Thanks Apple Guy, wherever you are. You kicked off a crazy cool year. But you were right about the problem of scaling and meeting people in parking lots.
However, you're reading this for the MJ story. Ok, back on track. Let's go back 10 years or so. It was a simpler time. There was calamity, yes, but there was opportunity and Phoenix was rife with it. I had left my job as an investment banker to start an online pet products business. I quickly found myself working for the guy who built our website, just slinging websites by day, learning SEO by night. Turns out I couldn't sell any websites by day, and I couldn't rank any big dog bowls at night. But I wasn't going to give up. I decided to start a little club for people to learn internet marketing. I used meetup.com to bring them together. See, I had been in financial services up to that point in my life, I really didn't understand tech. But I figured if I can get a room of people who wanted to learn, that would give me an excuse to call some experts and see if they'd like to come speak to a room of interested people.
And it worked.
Now I was onto something. People would take my calls. People would call me back. Leaving messages like, "I run a club of entrepreneurs and someone requested you to come speak to our group. I'm calling to see if you'd be interested. Please call me back at..." tend to get returned. And when speakers would speak, I'd take them out for a drink afterwards as a thank you, and we'd chat. I'd often get a few tips on how to better market my website. Win win.
Knowing how to network helped too. At networking events, I wasn't there to sell websites anymore. I was the guy running the Phoenix Internet Marketing Club. People wanted to talk to me. And they wanted to come to my events.
Soon, people just assumed I knew a bunch of good internet marketers, so I must be a good internet marketer. Doors began to open that normally wouldn't have opened. I met the future founders of some awesome companies, many of whom are still friends. And I met some bigger names in marketing too. I got to meet guys like Dan Kennedy, Joe Polish, Pat Flynn. Sharon Lechter came to speak to my club once.
Then one day I got the email. Now before I finish this story, I have to say the following: MJ DeMarco is the single most difficult entrepreneur I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with. I mean that in the best way possible. Let me explain.
When I was running these clubs I never got solicited by a speaker. So I get this email out of the blue. He's an author having just published his first book. This being a first, I'm curious. But skeptical. What's he want? I hop on a call with the guy. He wanted to come speak my little internet marketing club. I was taken aback and suspicious. No one had volunteered out of the blue before. Keep in mind, this is my memory from 10 years ago. Our first conversation went something like this. I get on the phone. We exchange pleasantries. In the back of my mind, I'm wondering what's this guy's angle. But he's talking, and I'm not really listening. He said something about wanting to speak. An author? Crap, it's my turn to talk.
I blurt out. “I can’t pay you. It’s a free club."
“No Problem. I don’t need money”
Knucklehead that I am, I don't have a response. No money, that’s good. Now what do I want to ask this guy? Why didn’t I prepare for this call? I should prepare for these calls from now on.
"Let's sayyou do come speak, um... Would you talk about your book? What's your book about?"
"Entrepreneurship. It’s called The Millionaire Fastlane ..." I start tuning out, Charlie Brown teacher voice starts setting, and I'm bracing for the get rich quick pitch.
To his credit, he didn’t pitch. He just talked some more. But he wasn’t salesey at all. AT ALL. How is this guy going to sell books? Maybe he's being crafty. Guard is still up.
“Well, that doesn’t sound like our topic. We’re an internet marketing club. Could you speak to something like that?”.
“Oh yeah, sure. I sold my XYZ online business for XYZ dollars. Twice, actually. I sold it, bought it back, and sold it again. I could talk about my journey with that business.”
“That sounds amazing! Can you tell me a little more?”
More interesting details provided.
“I’d love to have you speak to the club.”
“All I ask is that I can give a little plug for my book at the end. Would that be ok?"
“That’s more than fair.”
“I can even bring a few copies to hand out.” (Doesn’t this dude want to sell his book?)
“Sure man, that’s great.”
I ran that club for a few years. MJ gave a top 3 presentation. And I got me my first edition copy of TMF . I read it that same week.
But the story doesn't end there. He actually showed up to my club a few times after. On his second visit, I excused myself just so I could go to the parking lot and see if there was a Lambo parked there. There was. In my first two or 3 interactions with MJ I just kept looking for "the catch". I suppose I expected him to, on some level, be really full of himself. Or just out for himself. Or want the attention on himself. Or, pardon my language, but I suppose I expected more douchiness or dickishness.
And there was none of that. Not a whiff. From what I could tell, this guy is about as good and down to earth guy as you could meet. Who happened to drive a Lambo. And he seemed to really want to help others.
See at my club, after the speaker would speak, we'd have these roundtable discussions. Q&A time, for 30-40 minutes. Little brainstorming opportunities. And MJ would contribute. And over time, my suspcision faded. I made a decision. I really wanted to help this guy out.
AND THAT'S WHERE THE FRUSTRATION SET IN.
See, I've always believed in the following principle for business. "Begin with the end in mind."
I've always been a planner. But my plans aren't rigid, one way things. My plans got backup plans, and my back up plans got back up plans. I've just always been wired this way. I remember when I learned Seneca's principle of premeditatio malorum, and I was like, "YES! This guy gets it!". This has always my blessing and my curse.
And I decided to use every bit of this humble superpower to MJ DeMarco's benefit.
But I couldn't.
Because he didn't have a goal. He didn't have a plan!
Remember, the guy didn't even try to sell his book in my club. And I didn't really know anyone in publishing or author promotion, so I didn't have any "easy answer".
But I've been in the same room with MJ maybe 4 times, and you know I know the power of a question. So in those times, whenever I could, I'd respectfully probe MJ looking for his goals. His plans. I really wanted to make them better. I certainly could do that much. He had to just be hiding it. He must be playing it really close to the vest. And in response to my questions he'd give these really insightful answers that showed that he really understood life and business and money, BUT I COULDN'T GET HIM TO SPEAK ABOUT ANYTHING I THOUGHT RESEMBLED A PLAN.
So. Frustrating.
I even took him to coffee once, and I thought we might find ways to work together. He seemed open to the possibility. But with no plan, there was nothing I could latch onto to propel me forward.
The last time he showed up to my club, I remember this moment. Someone else was talking, and I leaned forward in my chair. I was so ready to point out the obvious glaring flaw in his "strategy". At the right moment, I was just going to say, "Bro, don't you know if you fail to plan, YOU'RE PLANNING TO FAIL?!?!"
But I was hit by a thought. Who am I to argue with the guy who has a paid off Lambo in my parking lot?
In a rare moment of humility, I leaning back in my chair.
The room must have picked up my vibe, because a few minutes later, someone else asked MJ some question like, "But what if you fail?" And he proceeded to give one of the clearest expressions of a philosophy of business I'd ever heard. It went something like this:
"If I fail, that just means the market didn't like what I had to offer. And if that happens, then I'll just go do something else. I've failed before. Failing isn't a big deal. But right now I'm having fun. I'm trying to get the word out about my book. I'm enjoying getting up every day. I'm planting seeds all over the place. I came and spoke here a few weeks ago and some of those people might read my book. And then someone might like it and tell their friend. And they might go buy my book. And they'll tell their friend. That's the market. Or maybe I'll list my book on Amazon, and maybe it will sell or maybe it won't. Right now, I'm just trying to get the word out. And if the market likes what I have to say, then I'll keep doing it. That's business, right? The market decides."
The market decides.
I didn't do his speech justice. I remember it being more coherent, more cogent. And that's when I realized why I couldn't help this guy. He was satisfied. He was self sufficient. He was just on a different level. And he was right.
The market decides. I could commit many more sentences to unpacking those three words, but MJ already wrote his books, so go read them.
Most every business person I'd met to that point had a conqueror mentality. Marshall the troops and let's get us some market share! Something about MJ's speech felt more Zen. More like an explorer. But the kind of explorer you just knew would get where he was going.
The market decides.
I've thought about that moment so much in the decade since. Here was an entrepreneur who didn't write out some grand business plan. His approach just seemed more akin to the old proverb, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step." He knew he was smart enough to get the ball rolling, and to figure things out as he went.
Ten years ago I had my worst financial year ever. Exciting as those days were, starting that business and changing careers, I didn't even make $20k. But when times got tough, I drew strength from the thought that I was planting seeds, and the market was responding. Somehow, my boss and I pulled that little company through an epic economic collapse. And we have continued to grow it ever year since, even in the midst of the latest economic collapse, we continue to harvest seeds. Now I'm a partner in the business, and last year I started running the company.
I've lived a blessed life. When I turned 37 years old I accomplished the third of my 3 childhood dreams (Became a dad). But I did it with plans upon plans. Without a plan, I used to feel unmoored.
So two years ago today, when the ultimate result of all my planning felt like it was failing about as spectacularly as possible, I flailed around for a bit. My plans didn't mean squat. The "wife market" had spoken. What's that saying? "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans". Yeah. that's the one.
But I drew strength from the people I'd met in my life, like MJ. People who didn't need external motivation. That's why, even in my most darkest days, (that's like darker than the darkest) I somehow held onto hope. I knew things would get better. I didn't know when, but I had faith they would. Even without my plans within plans, I knew things would work out as they are meant to.
I want to thank all the people on the forum who've had an impact on my life. Most of you know who you are. I've enjoyed our exchanges immensely. And to the few I've bumped heads with, I'd like to thank you too. Because you've all helped me to become a better person. And I couldn't be happier to be amongst a group of striving entrepreneurs again. I'll leave you with these final thoughts.
"Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
"The market decides."
Young or old, your life's experiences have forged you. You are exactly who you need to be to face this next moment.
One year ago today was not a great day. I knew it going in. I didn't want to get out of bed, but I did. I didn't go to work though. I sat and stared. I reflected, I thought and I stared some more. I did not drink. Drinking would make it easier. There was a time, a glorious time years earlier, when my relationship was new, and everything seemed possible. And I missed those times. What made those times so special was I was surrounded by people like me. People who had goals, vision, dreams beyond just "what am I going to do today?" I felt connected and plugged in. And I wanted that again. So I opened my browser and I Google millionaire fastlane forum. That was the day Summit tickets went on sale. I joined INSIDERS immediately. Something wasn't working, so I texted this guy @MJ DeMarco who I'd met years earlier, to ask it everything was cool and if he could look into it, maybe, if he's not too busy. I didn't think he'd text back so quickly. Bada bing, bada boom, I got my tickets. Something about being plugged in with other entreprenuers just felt right. I decided to start reading, maybe I'd meet some cool people. My first read was by the "Apple guy" who flipped MacBooks for profit, which gave me an idea. I knew a way I could get assorted electronics cheap, so I did, and I did what he said. I flipped a few laptops and a phone and made my money for the tickets and membership back in a couple weekends. I didn't come back to the site for a couple weeks.
Thanks Apple Guy, wherever you are. You kicked off a crazy cool year. But you were right about the problem of scaling and meeting people in parking lots.
However, you're reading this for the MJ story. Ok, back on track. Let's go back 10 years or so. It was a simpler time. There was calamity, yes, but there was opportunity and Phoenix was rife with it. I had left my job as an investment banker to start an online pet products business. I quickly found myself working for the guy who built our website, just slinging websites by day, learning SEO by night. Turns out I couldn't sell any websites by day, and I couldn't rank any big dog bowls at night. But I wasn't going to give up. I decided to start a little club for people to learn internet marketing. I used meetup.com to bring them together. See, I had been in financial services up to that point in my life, I really didn't understand tech. But I figured if I can get a room of people who wanted to learn, that would give me an excuse to call some experts and see if they'd like to come speak to a room of interested people.
And it worked.
Now I was onto something. People would take my calls. People would call me back. Leaving messages like, "I run a club of entrepreneurs and someone requested you to come speak to our group. I'm calling to see if you'd be interested. Please call me back at..." tend to get returned. And when speakers would speak, I'd take them out for a drink afterwards as a thank you, and we'd chat. I'd often get a few tips on how to better market my website. Win win.
Knowing how to network helped too. At networking events, I wasn't there to sell websites anymore. I was the guy running the Phoenix Internet Marketing Club. People wanted to talk to me. And they wanted to come to my events.
Soon, people just assumed I knew a bunch of good internet marketers, so I must be a good internet marketer. Doors began to open that normally wouldn't have opened. I met the future founders of some awesome companies, many of whom are still friends. And I met some bigger names in marketing too. I got to meet guys like Dan Kennedy, Joe Polish, Pat Flynn. Sharon Lechter came to speak to my club once.
Then one day I got the email. Now before I finish this story, I have to say the following: MJ DeMarco is the single most difficult entrepreneur I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with. I mean that in the best way possible. Let me explain.
When I was running these clubs I never got solicited by a speaker. So I get this email out of the blue. He's an author having just published his first book. This being a first, I'm curious. But skeptical. What's he want? I hop on a call with the guy. He wanted to come speak my little internet marketing club. I was taken aback and suspicious. No one had volunteered out of the blue before. Keep in mind, this is my memory from 10 years ago. Our first conversation went something like this. I get on the phone. We exchange pleasantries. In the back of my mind, I'm wondering what's this guy's angle. But he's talking, and I'm not really listening. He said something about wanting to speak. An author? Crap, it's my turn to talk.
I blurt out. “I can’t pay you. It’s a free club."
“No Problem. I don’t need money”
Knucklehead that I am, I don't have a response. No money, that’s good. Now what do I want to ask this guy? Why didn’t I prepare for this call? I should prepare for these calls from now on.
"Let's sayyou do come speak, um... Would you talk about your book? What's your book about?"
"Entrepreneurship. It’s called The Millionaire Fastlane ..." I start tuning out, Charlie Brown teacher voice starts setting, and I'm bracing for the get rich quick pitch.
To his credit, he didn’t pitch. He just talked some more. But he wasn’t salesey at all. AT ALL. How is this guy going to sell books? Maybe he's being crafty. Guard is still up.
“Well, that doesn’t sound like our topic. We’re an internet marketing club. Could you speak to something like that?”.
“Oh yeah, sure. I sold my XYZ online business for XYZ dollars. Twice, actually. I sold it, bought it back, and sold it again. I could talk about my journey with that business.”
“That sounds amazing! Can you tell me a little more?”
More interesting details provided.
“I’d love to have you speak to the club.”
“All I ask is that I can give a little plug for my book at the end. Would that be ok?"
“That’s more than fair.”
“I can even bring a few copies to hand out.” (Doesn’t this dude want to sell his book?)
“Sure man, that’s great.”
I ran that club for a few years. MJ gave a top 3 presentation. And I got me my first edition copy of TMF . I read it that same week.
But the story doesn't end there. He actually showed up to my club a few times after. On his second visit, I excused myself just so I could go to the parking lot and see if there was a Lambo parked there. There was. In my first two or 3 interactions with MJ I just kept looking for "the catch". I suppose I expected him to, on some level, be really full of himself. Or just out for himself. Or want the attention on himself. Or, pardon my language, but I suppose I expected more douchiness or dickishness.
And there was none of that. Not a whiff. From what I could tell, this guy is about as good and down to earth guy as you could meet. Who happened to drive a Lambo. And he seemed to really want to help others.
See at my club, after the speaker would speak, we'd have these roundtable discussions. Q&A time, for 30-40 minutes. Little brainstorming opportunities. And MJ would contribute. And over time, my suspcision faded. I made a decision. I really wanted to help this guy out.
AND THAT'S WHERE THE FRUSTRATION SET IN.
See, I've always believed in the following principle for business. "Begin with the end in mind."
I've always been a planner. But my plans aren't rigid, one way things. My plans got backup plans, and my back up plans got back up plans. I've just always been wired this way. I remember when I learned Seneca's principle of premeditatio malorum, and I was like, "YES! This guy gets it!". This has always my blessing and my curse.
And I decided to use every bit of this humble superpower to MJ DeMarco's benefit.
But I couldn't.
Because he didn't have a goal. He didn't have a plan!
Remember, the guy didn't even try to sell his book in my club. And I didn't really know anyone in publishing or author promotion, so I didn't have any "easy answer".
But I've been in the same room with MJ maybe 4 times, and you know I know the power of a question. So in those times, whenever I could, I'd respectfully probe MJ looking for his goals. His plans. I really wanted to make them better. I certainly could do that much. He had to just be hiding it. He must be playing it really close to the vest. And in response to my questions he'd give these really insightful answers that showed that he really understood life and business and money, BUT I COULDN'T GET HIM TO SPEAK ABOUT ANYTHING I THOUGHT RESEMBLED A PLAN.
So. Frustrating.
I even took him to coffee once, and I thought we might find ways to work together. He seemed open to the possibility. But with no plan, there was nothing I could latch onto to propel me forward.
The last time he showed up to my club, I remember this moment. Someone else was talking, and I leaned forward in my chair. I was so ready to point out the obvious glaring flaw in his "strategy". At the right moment, I was just going to say, "Bro, don't you know if you fail to plan, YOU'RE PLANNING TO FAIL?!?!"
But I was hit by a thought. Who am I to argue with the guy who has a paid off Lambo in my parking lot?
In a rare moment of humility, I leaning back in my chair.
The room must have picked up my vibe, because a few minutes later, someone else asked MJ some question like, "But what if you fail?" And he proceeded to give one of the clearest expressions of a philosophy of business I'd ever heard. It went something like this:
"If I fail, that just means the market didn't like what I had to offer. And if that happens, then I'll just go do something else. I've failed before. Failing isn't a big deal. But right now I'm having fun. I'm trying to get the word out about my book. I'm enjoying getting up every day. I'm planting seeds all over the place. I came and spoke here a few weeks ago and some of those people might read my book. And then someone might like it and tell their friend. And they might go buy my book. And they'll tell their friend. That's the market. Or maybe I'll list my book on Amazon, and maybe it will sell or maybe it won't. Right now, I'm just trying to get the word out. And if the market likes what I have to say, then I'll keep doing it. That's business, right? The market decides."
The market decides.
I didn't do his speech justice. I remember it being more coherent, more cogent. And that's when I realized why I couldn't help this guy. He was satisfied. He was self sufficient. He was just on a different level. And he was right.
The market decides. I could commit many more sentences to unpacking those three words, but MJ already wrote his books, so go read them.
Most every business person I'd met to that point had a conqueror mentality. Marshall the troops and let's get us some market share! Something about MJ's speech felt more Zen. More like an explorer. But the kind of explorer you just knew would get where he was going.
The market decides.
I've thought about that moment so much in the decade since. Here was an entrepreneur who didn't write out some grand business plan. His approach just seemed more akin to the old proverb, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step." He knew he was smart enough to get the ball rolling, and to figure things out as he went.
Ten years ago I had my worst financial year ever. Exciting as those days were, starting that business and changing careers, I didn't even make $20k. But when times got tough, I drew strength from the thought that I was planting seeds, and the market was responding. Somehow, my boss and I pulled that little company through an epic economic collapse. And we have continued to grow it ever year since, even in the midst of the latest economic collapse, we continue to harvest seeds. Now I'm a partner in the business, and last year I started running the company.
I've lived a blessed life. When I turned 37 years old I accomplished the third of my 3 childhood dreams (Became a dad). But I did it with plans upon plans. Without a plan, I used to feel unmoored.
So two years ago today, when the ultimate result of all my planning felt like it was failing about as spectacularly as possible, I flailed around for a bit. My plans didn't mean squat. The "wife market" had spoken. What's that saying? "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans". Yeah. that's the one.
But I drew strength from the people I'd met in my life, like MJ. People who didn't need external motivation. That's why, even in my most darkest days, (that's like darker than the darkest) I somehow held onto hope. I knew things would get better. I didn't know when, but I had faith they would. Even without my plans within plans, I knew things would work out as they are meant to.
I want to thank all the people on the forum who've had an impact on my life. Most of you know who you are. I've enjoyed our exchanges immensely. And to the few I've bumped heads with, I'd like to thank you too. Because you've all helped me to become a better person. And I couldn't be happier to be amongst a group of striving entrepreneurs again. I'll leave you with these final thoughts.
"Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
"The market decides."
Young or old, your life's experiences have forged you. You are exactly who you need to be to face this next moment.
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