Learnings from 3,000+ PMs with fellow forum members

[Andy Black]

To date I've had 700+ PMs with fellow forum members.
(EDIT: 3,500+ PMs now.)

I PM to give thanks for following me or for giving me rep. I always ask how things are going, and strike up a brief conversation.


I've noticed some common themes from these conversations (especially with people trying to get started or trying to "get traction").

My main learnings are that:

1. People often over-complicate things.
   
   
2. People often get in their own way.
   
   
3. People often believe they can't give value to the forum yet (saying nice things like "I'd love to give back when I can add value.")

Sound familiar?


There's been some classic GOLD threads addressing this, and here's a few:

• Save Yourself Years of Frustration; It Worked For Me! (Thanks @MustImprove)
  
  
• Getting started is this simple... (Thanks @RHL)
  
  
• The "Astonishing Secrets" Thread (Thanks @IceCreamKid)

I wrote a post along similar lines:

• "Clarity of Purpose"

And Justin Jackson wrote a great article here:

• Quit trying to attract a crowd and just help people

In my opinion:

• Over-complicating things, getting in your own way, and not believing you can add value are all symptoms of the same thing.
  
  
• Each of the posts listed above are trying to address this exact same thing.
  
  
• The symptoms above are all related to being "me" centric, and the posts above are all ways to stop being "me" centric.

If your goal is to help others, then things get a lot less complicated.

If your goal is to help others, then you're less likely to get in your own way - because you're not even in the picture anymore.

If your goal is to help others, then you'll realise that giving thanks to other forum members can add a lot of value to their lives, and to the forum. (We know we should give to receive, but I'd no idea of the power of "giving thanks" until I thanked so many people in the forum.)



A few months ago I decided to "learn to create talking head videos".

I got tangled up that first evening, because my goal was wrong.

My goal was to create a video.

My goal was not to say "thank you" to @SinisterLex for the videos he was adding to the forum.

I screwed up.

I over-complicated things.

I got in my own way.

I believed I couldn't add value to the forum.

All because I was thinking about "me", and not thinking about Lex.


After I gave myself a stern talking to, I created my very first talking head video.

Here it is (and it's very relevant to this thread):

I've done 16 videos so far, and it's not until this evening that I've noticed a common theme.

Here's another video that might help you:

Here's another where I talk about my "founding story"... a story from 2009 that still sends shivers down my spine when I remember it:

I talk a bit more about that story in this radio interview.

Who will you help this week?

Who will you thank today?​

 

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[AndrewNC]

People often believe they can't give value to the forum yet (saying nice things like "I'd love to give back when I can add value.")

EVERYBODY can add value.

I get the same thing as you do all the time from people I help saying "I wish I could add value someday, I have no skills to offer". What most people don't know is that the help I give them...turns out to be a chapter in my book. Helping them actually helps me because it gives me clarity of what I should write about.

They are helping, even if they don't know it.

Now, being on the other side of the spectrum...

I met Kelsey a week ago and we've been on a number of dates. Her dream is to be a snowboarding instructor.

She gave me free snowboarding lessons. I could have said to myself "I have no value to give back in snowboarding." But she is getting experience helping me...which will make her a better candidate for jobs later. And then I later realized she does network marketing - I gave her some sales training advice that is helping her.

...just because you don't have value to give in ONE context....the person you're talking to can benefit from YOUR area of expertise in other contexts: Cooking/fitness/health/relationships/etc.

 

[StevieB]

I am guilty of seriously over-complicating things but I realized it was due to a few things.

1. I make the decision of 'what idea I want to execute on' way to big of a deal. I feel like I've only got 1 shot so don't want to screw it up. This has caused me to execute on almost nothing.

2. As a part of number 1 I fear losing money on a pursuit that will not have any return.

So I end up way overthinking things and do nothing.

Now I realize I don't have to dump tons of money into an idea before I can find out if it works, so I'm just going with the one that I think *might* be best.