[PROGRESS] Bekit's Progress Thread

[Bekit]

Three days ago, I introduced myself on this forum for the first time. I received a really amazing welcome and that created a rush of momentum. This led to two days of continuous "mind-blown" moments as I read various posts on the forum (and I'm conscious that I've only read a fraction of what's there). And I figured it would be helpful to others and motivational to myself to post the "before" picture in all its sordid misery so that it paints as vivid a contrast as possible to the future day that's coming when the slowlane is behind me and the fastlane is where I'm hanging out with the other fine folks on this forum.

Hopefully, chronicling the steps I take along the way will help someone else after me to have hope and to avoid any pitfalls I encounter.

And I welcome, invite, and desire the kind of pushback that I've seen the forum members give to one another. Please don't tread lightly if I'm thinking wrongly or making a bad decision. I have a lot of years of un-learning to do before I will have internalized a fastlane mindset. I'm conscious that I'm taking baby steps right now, and that I have a long way to go. And I'm hungry to learn, be corrected, and take action.

Takeaways in the last two days
I have read a lot since Monday, so I can't possibly describe it all, but here are some of the things that stand out the most:

• Focus on helping other people and providing value. Make that my strategy for getting clients.
• I already know enough to get started. (Thanks, @Andy Black for these first two.)
• Be a producer, not a consumer.
• Think bigger, much bigger, than I ever dared to do. (Hats off to @Kak )
• Be an action taker, not an action faker.
• Use CENTS as the grid to select or discard business ideas (This is all you, @MJ DeMarco )
• I don't need a lot of money, background, or resources to do this. (Keep showing us how it's done, @Xeon)
• Work with a scalable mathematical equation (blew my mind, MJ)
• The people on this forum are incredible, generous individuals (special thanks to those of you who went out of your way to welcome me as a newcomer by posting something to my intro post thread: @MTEE1985, @MJ DeMarco, @Andy Black, @Kak, @amp0193, and @lowtek).

The "Before" picture (my current reality)
I am about as solidly entrenched in the slowlane as a person can possibly be. This is a combination of having a slowlane mindset all my life, lacking awareness of how to navigate in business, growing up being actively discouraged from working outside the home, and not having much of a desire to do so. By the age of 30, the most I had made in a year was about $17,000.

I have worked for myself as a piano teacher and a house cleaner. I have worked for other people in publishing, education, banking, sales, and marketing jobs. I have a degree in communications, which I fortunately obtained debt-free.

But I was always trading time for money, and my wages were low enough that I never succeeded in saving. In my 30s, work became a desperate fight for survival. While I am keeping up the appearances of conducting a "normal," "put-together" life, it feels like I am teetering on the brink of being homeless and starving if even one thing goes wrong. I cannot afford to get sick. I cannot afford to wreck my car. I cannot afford to lose my job.

To seal the handcuffs firmly in place, I made a decision that was the epitome of slowlane thinking. 6 months ago, I bought a house. One of those 0% down deals where I'll pay MORE than the total purchase price of the house in interest by the time the 30-year loan is over. Granted, it was one of the cheapest homes on the market in my area... and the mortgage payment is comparable to renting almost anything but the worst properties. But still, I'm sure the forum will recognize that it was slowlane thinking at its finest. And then, to make matters worse, I started finding that in order to pay my bills, I needed to use my paycheck for the non-negotiable stuff (mortgage, electric, water) and the credit card for everyday expenses (like food and gas). I was oblivious to the fact that I was spending about $1000 more than I made every month, so the credit card balance racked up quick.

Three weeks ago, I created a spreadsheet, plugged in all the numbers, and discovered the cold hard facts about what I had done.

And I was terrified. I was ashamed of what I had done. Despite my low income, I had never been in ANY debt until 10 months ago, when my credit card balance first crept up above what I could pay back in the same month. But here I was, thanks to my own actions and my own choices, and I had no one but myself to thank for it.

Right after that, my boss cut everyone's pay by 5%.

So now it's time to turn this ship around. Starting with getting my house in order. Short term, this will require some sacrifices. I have two fundamental choices: reduce my expenses or increase my income. After reducing everything down to the very barest minimum, we're still not at the break-even point, meaning we'd have to sell the house to accomplish reducing the expenses to where we're spending less than we make. If we have to do that, we will, even if it means that we rent a bedroom for 2 years to correct this. But I'm optimistic that I can do this the other way: increase my income.

My first thought was the slowlane way: look at part time jobs. Maybe I can just work retail from now until the New Year? I ran the numbers, and it looks like if I landed a minimum-wage job for 20 hours a week, it would take me 10 years just to pay back my credit cards. So much for working over the Christmas holidays. Even if my part time job was $25/hour, it would still take 11 months to get rid of the credit card debt.

OK, so that option stinks.

This is the part of the story where little Rebekah looks around at the bars of her cage, looks up at the sky, and like a Peanuts character with a cavernous open mouth, lets out a long "WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!", rattles the bars, tugs on the handcuffs, and kicks the ball and chain.

THIS! IS! OVER!

This is no fun!

This is not how it has to be!

I have a brain, and I have choices, and I am NOT going to sit on the floor of my cage and slave away the rest of my existence.

But what's this? A key appears.

A glittering gold key in the shape of an F, just outside the bars, but still within reach.

What does it unlock?

It unlocks the Fastlane Forum, a dizzying world of SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY.

Bewildered, little Rebekah steps hesitatingly through the doors and takes a cautious look around.

Almost immediately, her head explodes, ripping away the rigid confines of her former way of thinking and and inserting in its place a brand-new paradigm. Wonder and curiosity and puzzlement pile up in her soul as she beholds this dazzling new land. And hope begins to dawn that this is possible and this is how she should take action.

Next steps from here
What I have going for me:

• I have one of the skills that people on the forum recommend: copywriting. I can make far more at this than I can make at any part-time retail job on the planet. People *say* that if you're a copywriter, you can essentially write your own paycheck. But I've never gotten a client. I've only ever been hired as an employee. I don't know how to get a client, and up until now it has looked like a big, scary, daunting thing to do. But it's time to take whatever action I need to take to get my first one. Sounds like I should start by looking for someone I can help. And I can think of 3-4 people right now.
• I have a home office and a work-from-home job, where I can easily incorporate a client into my current workflow.
• I have a laptop and internet access and a quiet, uninterrupted work environment, which is something that I NEVER want to take for granted.
• I have great health and a sharp mind.
• I have a husband who does all of the chores and the meals and the laundry and the little tasks around the house because he's on disability and I'm the breadwinner... so I barely have to lift a finger to take care of myself that way. He's on it.

What I have going against me:

• I'm not very business savvy... yet. EVERYTHING about this is new to me. How do I set my rates? How does someone pay me? Do I need a contract? Where do I get one? How do I do my accounting? How do I do the legal stuff? Hypotethicals could possibly leave me going around in circles for YEARS trying to make everything perfect. I don't have years. I need to nail this, fast.
• Limited time and energy. I'm working 60 hours a week and I'm somewhat stumped about which of my non-existent hours from the leftovers of my time I'm going to use for pursuing clients. But I'm just going to try to stuff it in anyway... where there's a will, there's a way, right? Or is there a better way to approach this?
• My husband is more entrenched in the slowlane mindset than I am, to the point where he is attempting to talk me out of going after a client because "you can't; you'll crater." So I'm in the middle of this picture with someone I love who is feeling threatened by this disruption to our erstwhile mutual slowlane thinking, and I have to navigate that piece of it in addition to the other practical elements of it.
• My age. I don't just want to break even, I want a nice retirement. Oh to be starting this journey at 18 instead of 18x2.

Concrete Actions to Take First:

• Read both books (Unscripted and The Millionaire Fastlane )
• Contact the 3 or 4 people I mentioned who I know I could help. Approach them with a pitch that's very thoughtfully-constructed and customized to them. Get their business if possible.

Questions I don't know the answers to:

• Should I look for a better-paying job in the meantime?
• What are some strategies to impart fastlane thinking to my husband?
• If I barely have time, and I'm going a bit more in the negative every month, is it even an option to offer FREE help to my 3 or 4 friends that I'm starting with? Or should I just confidently charge them a fee (maybe at a discount)?
• If I start freelancing to get income flowing, how do I transition from there to an equation that's scalable? What do I need to start thinking about NOW to get myself into position for a fastlane-scale business?

Given all this, I don't think it's an overstatement to conclude that I'm going to need a tremendous amount of drive, determination, and action taking in order to achieve the escape velocity that it will take to reach the fastlane.

Guess I need to buckle my seat belt, because I'm going for the ride.

Want to watch this slow-laner transition to the fastlane? Come along. How fast do you think I can do it?

I haven chosen to start a progress thread because there's something about this forum that is like jet fuel to my rocket ship. I have experienced a tremendous surge of energy, drive, and ambition just by being here. I want to express my most heartfelt thanks to @MJ DeMarco for creating this forum. If all goes well and my progress trends "up and to the right," you've had a direct hand in saving one individual from the painful scenario described above. Thank you, too, to all the members who have made this forum the valuable place to contribute that it is. (You oldies are complaining that it "isn't what it used to be," but take heart, the magic isn't gone yet.)

 

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[Bekit]

OK my progress update has been LONG overdue.

This will be really good for me to just write out, even if only to keep a written record for myself. Hopefully it'll be useful in some way to others as well.

Since this is long, if you want to skim it, you'll get the gist of everything by reading just the bold headings.


Work and personal progress (or lack thereof?) while struggling with mental health

So I left off June 27, 2019, when I posted my last update.

I had just started a job as a marketing manager for a real estate company.

That ended up being good in a number of ways. I got to manage Google Ads campaigns for the first time. I got to set up my first business instagram account and work on how to grow it. I got to define how they did their SEO and email marketing. So there was definitely some professional growth happening.

At the same time, I was barely keeping my head above water in terms of my mental and emotional health. The burnout that happened in my previous job continued to affect me in many ways in my personal life, producing ongoing anxiety and depression. I started counseling weekly with a therapist around that time, which helped. I felt like I was hunkered down, barely keeping up with "normal life." On the weekends, I would pretty much collapse. I felt like everything I was doing was basically meaningless. Eat, to live, to work, to afford food, to eat, and there we go again. I was also deeply unhappy in my marriage. So I was really relieved that my job was in the local area where I could drive into the office every day. It was an hour away, and I really relished that hour-long drive each way. I didn't realize that a person could love a commute that much. The chance to be silent - to talk on the phone - to listen to audiobooks - felt like the highlight of each day. After working from home for the previous year, it was a welcome change to be in a workplace with people again.

Time went along, and my husband and I started marriage counseling in the fall. We established a budget. Both of those things were huge at helping to restore our relationship.

Around that time, the company I was working for started running into financial difficulty. The trouble was, they only ever sold one property in the whole year I was there. It was actually kind of painful to see how bad at sales their real estate brokers were. They had listings, but the listings were overpriced because the agents were afraid they would lose the listing if they told the sellers to list it at the price that the market would actually support. And then even when potential buyers would appear, we couldn't seem to get basic information over to the potential buyers when they requested it. So they would move on. It got so bad that one of the owners had to put his own home on the market in order to keep paying the bills. I remember saying to my husband, "If this company was my client and not my employer, I would have fired this client already."

It was a really good lesson on "what not to do when running a business," without having to be in the shoes of the business owners whose business is failing.

You have to be able to sell.

That's just fundamental.

Selling is where your income comes from.

Our main competitor in that real estate niche was a super unethical brokerage. But they were GOOD at sales. So they were crushing it--even though they were burning bridges left and right (and borderline running afoul of the law all the time). We were trying to set ourselves apart by being a really ethical, upstanding business. But if you can't sell, you're going to go out of business, no matter how principled and moral you are.

Without money, we had no advertising budget. One of the owners was paying my salary out of his own pocket. Keeping me onboard started to be more of a formality, to look like a functioning business on the outside, than actually a benefit to the business. The owner was also a CPA, so he switched his focus back to serving accounting clients to bring in cash flow. I became a nondescript-office-task-doer.

In addition to all this, the personality of my boss reminded me a lot of my dad. My dad has anger problems. When I was a little girl, my dad would yell at me, and I would cry. I remember crying to the point where I would stop getting enough oxygen and feel dizzy. In interactions with my boss, I felt exactly like I used to feel as a little girl, crying while my dad yelled at me. It felt like everything I did at work was wrong. I was hired for my copywriting and marketing skill, but none of my recommendations were ever listened to. I would turn in work that was good, and then I would be required to revise that work until it was lame, ineffective, and weak. Or I would be asked to do something, and then it would be simply discarded. Or it would be given to someone else to do who had no marketing knowledge and no ability to sell, and their version would be the one that went live. I was constantly confused by this. Inside, I was like, "You hired me because I have a skill. But when it comes time to actually use that skill, you don't want anything to do with my work. Why would you do that?"

It got to the point where I became afraid to do anything until I was told explicitly what to do. I wasn't comfortable taking any initiative. I could no longer think for myself or bring ideas to the table. So I would wait until I was told to do something, and then I would do exactly what I was told.

In other words, I was no longer bringing my best self to work.

Not even close.

My sense of professional ability was eroding week by week, between December 2019 and May 2020.

It became harder and harder to face my work. It took all my willpower to gear myself up to face another day.

Given that I was already struggling with anxiety and depression, this was not a good recipe for my mental well being.

A Beautiful Bright Spot - Speaking at the Summit

During this whole season, the Fastlane Forum was one true bright spot for me. I felt like here, at least, was one place where I could keep the dream alive, interact with smart people, be validated that I did have something to offer, and have a reason not to sink slowly into apathy and slavery to the script.

And somehow, in the midst of all the above struggles, I found the courage to suggest myself to MJ as a speaker at the summit.

Actually, I know what it was.

I really, really wanted to go to the Summit.

And I figured that if I could go as a speaker, it would be $100 cheaper for my ticket.

So the thought of saving that money helped to propel me to offer to speak.

And to my astonishment, MJ accepted. I still remember the feeling of happiness and excitement and awe and astonishment that washed over me when I got his email that I had been accepted. It was a surge of hope and exhilaration and anticipation that I had rarely felt in the last...I don't know how long.

(I actually quite like public speaking. Some people have a fear of this. I somehow don't. I have a MUCH greater fear of interacting with people in social situations.)

It's hard to describe what a huge gift it was to me to attend and speak at the Summit.

It was something to look forward to.

It was something that symbolized that YES, I was going to reach higher, and NO, I was not going to settle for this weak, pitiful, depressed existence where I was merely surviving through life.

It was something that brought me hope.

It was a HUGE milestone for me, as I had never spoken on stage about copywriting to an audience before.

And actually being there in February, and meeting so many awesome and amazing people, and stepping out of my everyday life for just a few days, was one of the highlights of my year.

(Side note: I am SO SO SO SO glad and relieved that we got to do that before things got shut down with Covid.)

Post-Summit panic: I choke

After the Summit, about 8 people contacted me to request copywriting services.

And - I choked.

It was a response of irrational fear.

I can't really explain it.

And I really hate that I did this.

But I just - went silent.

Didn't email anybody back.

Didn't even give them the courtesy of a reply.

Somehow, I don't know why, but an email would show up in my inbox, and I couldn't bring myself to even open it.

When I finally did open it, it was mildly terrifying to actually read it.

And when I finally did read it, it was so mortally difficult to respond to it that I just...didn't.

My better judgment (dimly protesting from the recesses of my mind) was like, "Wait, what? Look at this. You're getting clients. This is what you wanted. Why won't you follow up? And anyway, people don't deserve to be treated like this. It's not a good look. Businesses are supposed to follow up within 24 hours. You shouldn't leave people hanging like this."

But my fear overrode any reason.

Some people actually contacted me two or three times.

What else could I possibly want? People were begging me to work with them, and I couldn't even answer.

I planted seeds, and they sprouted, and then I left them to wither and die.

What was going on? What was wrong with me?

I was stuck in this mindset of, "I don't know when I can do any projects for anyone. I'm stretched too thin already. I don't know how I can possibly commit to any work. I can't figure out my calendar."

My biggest fear was that I would get myself on the hook for some work - and then never actually DO it.

I couldn't see how I would bring myself to actually do the work.

And then that would be messy, because I would have to refund the client, and I would have wasted their time and mine, and then I would really feel like a failure.

Plus, I was in the middle of being treated at my job like I had nothing of value to offer. So my self-confidence was greatly eroded that I could provide anything of value to anyone.

I think underneath it all, I was fundamentally depressed and didn't have a clear "why." All work felt like a meaningless, tedious chore that I would have to force myself to do. So the idea of expending energy to force myself to do more work was just insurmountable at the time.

A Breakthrough

About a month after the Summit, when the rest of the copywriting inquiries had died out, a forum member contacted me about doing some copywriting work.

I felt like it was a really good fit.

We had an initial meeting.

All I had to do was send out an invoice and schedule the next step.

And then... I choked again.

So I sent nothing.

After this particular forum member waited patiently to hear back from me for over a week, they sent me this email. It took me three days before I could even work up the courage to open it. But when I did, I was absolutely blown away by the kindness and patience and understanding that was conveyed.

Hey Rebekah,

Hope you are well.

Just a quick email before the weekend. I hope I am not putting you under pressure but just wanted to check everything is all good - never really heard back.

If there is something personal going on then just let me know if I can help in any way.

If you just need time to finish off other stuff first that is fine too - just give me a heads up if that is okay.

Anyway really hoping we can still work together and that everything is all good with you.

As a friend, I am always here if you got anything you ever want to discuss or need help with.

Thanks,

When I read this, I wanted to cry.

I felt like I deserved to get chewed out.

But instead, I was treated with such extraordinary gentleness and genuine desire for my wellbeing.

Something about it elevated me up out of the fear-bound mindset that I had been stuck in.

I felt a budding of resolve.

It was like I shook off the fog and confusion and impotence that had been covering me. I saw clearly for the first time in ages.

"You know what?" I said to myself.

"If I'm going to continue in this pitiful, ridiculous behavior, then I need to just decide that I'm not going to do copywriting, I'm just going to be an employee and be dictated to, and I'm just going to slump into mediocrity and not try to do bigger things.

But that's not what I want.

Either I can answer client emails and send out invoices and schedule appointments and provide copywriting services, or I can't.

And I'm saying that I can.

So I'm going to cut out this nonsense, get this invoice off, and actually start taking action here."

It was a line-in-the-sand moment for me.

It was truly a gift to receive that email. Something about it just gave me the boost that I needed at just the right time to get me moving again.

Another gift - The Kill Bigger Incubator

Not long after that, I got another HUGE gift. Kak chose me for the protégé incubator position that he offered in the Kill Bigger incubator.

So we started chatting every day on Skype.

And I started building.

And thinking bigger.

And feeling incredibly grateful for the opportunity to have mentorship and guidance as I floundered along on the path.

Then I got fired from my job, and I was so happy

Towards the end of May, the day came when my boss got on the phone with me to make an offer.

He really wanted to keep me employed, but the company just wasn't making money.

So he proposed the following.

How about if he furloughs me from my job due to Covid and I go on unemployment for now. During my unemployment, he will give me accounting courses to take. Once the unemployment money runs out, I will be up to speed by then to come back into his accounting firm as a bookkeeper. If I work hard and keep studying, I could be an accountant myself one day. And then, 5 years after that, I could potentially even have my own accounting business.

During this conversation, while he was saying all this, inside my head, I was going, "YES! I'm getting fired. NO! I'm not going to be an accountant. Why would I do that when I already have my own business? I am NEVER GOING TO WORK FOR SOMEONE AGAIN."

But what I actually said to him was, "Thank you very much for that generous offer. Let me talk it over with my husband and get back to you."

And after a perfunctory overnight had passed, I sent him an email graciously thanking him for his desire to keep me employed but saying that I thought it was best to use this opportunity to pursue other avenues.

After that, I was like, "YAAAAAAAAASSSSS! I'm FREEEEEEEE!"

It felt really, really good.

I never even had to file for unemployment.

Within a few days, I had completely replaced my full-time income through two main retainer clients and a hodge-podge of one-off projects.

And I'm determined never to go back to a traditional full-time job.

Where I am right now

• July was my highest-income month ever, even though I took a much-needed week-long vacation where I totally unplugged and did no work.
• The residual mental health struggles have continued. I still have an unhealthy habit of not getting back to people who contact me. I'm working on this. I don't consent for this habit to stay. I haven't fully gotten to the bottom of why I behave this way, but I'm hopeful that I can implement some better systems and address my irrational fears so that this doesn't keep happening.
• I have made progress in the area of my "why" and my struggle to force myself to work. It doesn't feel like quite so much of a burden and a drag. I think I still have a ways to go, but it's nice to see some improvements.
• My husband and I have renewed an extremely loving and fulfilling relationship, which is awesome. This happened largely due to Covid. He has some significant health issues that put him at greater risk, so we have been self-quarantining at home since March 15. I think the realization that I could lose him caused me to start to treasure him so much more. We have been getting along great. Being happy in my relationship makes such a huge difference in my overall happiness
• I'm working with a factory in Mexico to manufacture a product that I've been working on a prototype for. This is an in-demand item that fills a need, and my version has some properties that skew value in a way that no one else is doing.

That's all for now! Congrats if you made it all the way to the end!

 

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[Bekit]

Update time. A lot of people have been asking (thank you for your interest!), and I'm squeaking this in before midnight on the 4-year anniversary of my first post on this thread, AND it's my 1000th post on the forum, PLUS I haven't posted in this thread since 2020, so I wanted to make it a good one.

Progress Recap​

I'm going to take a step back and just reflect on where I have come since my first post in this thread.

4 years ago I started this thread.

I just took a moment to reread the first post on this progress thread, and wow... I was really hurting in those days. This forum became such a refuge for me at that time (and ever since, really). It's the one place where I can still dream big. It's the one place where I can still find encouragement to make progress. It's the one place where interest and curiosity and hard work are things that I can engage in without getting shut down. It's hard to fully articulate how much thankfulness I feel for the existence of this forum and the MANY kind people who I have interacted with and gotten to know over that time.

The rest of my life was like one giant rain of blows of adversity. A difficult marriage. Difficult finances. Difficult work situations. Unresolved grief over something I really cared about that had blown up in my face. Overall, October 2018 kicked off what has been the most difficult season of my life. As a result, my mental health suffered pretty badly.

Mental health is no joke (and I was one of those people who used to think it was a joke). I took it for granted that I used to be just "emotionally even-keel" all the time. I thought anxiety was mostly fake. I thought the whole mental health hoopla was overblown. I was like, "Why don't people just choose to be happy?" Until it happened to me.

Dr. Nolan Williams recently said on the Andrew Huberman podcast, "Depression is the most disabling condition worldwide." and I feel like I have just barely tasted how bad and disabling it can get.

It came on slowly and then quickly... kind of like if you're eating something on a daily basis that you're allergic to, but your allergy is not THAT bad, so you go on eating this thing day after day. Little by little, it takes a toll on your body, and then "suddenly" you have some major health problem to deal with.

Mental health is like that. There's this thing in your environment that chips away at your thinking, your outlook, your positivity. Maybe it's just barely chipping away. You can stand up under it for a while. You tell yourself that you're still ok. But sooner or later, all that chipping away gets somewhere. Suddenly, you find that the mental structures that you always depended on and always assumed would be there have eroded too much, and things come crashing down.

The results of this were sad and regrettable, and I'm not thrilled about my lack of progress compared to where I think I could have gotten otherwise. I missed opportunities due to simply not getting back to people. I made choices for comfort and stability rather than risk taking and reaching for bigger rewards. I was in survival mode for a really long time.

This is one of those things that you don't really hear very much about. These "detours" to your trajectory are not fun. It would be easy to downplay them or pretend they don't exist. It would be tempting to tell the story in a way that only focuses on the good things that DID happen without acknowledging all the things that didn't go well.

At one level, I think we all know that's a real thing in entrepreneurship. But it's easy to look at detours and failures solely through the lens of "I tried this and it didn't work, and I tried that and it didn't work, but I kept persevering, and finally something worked."

We never consider the possibility of the detour looking like, "I was more fragile than anticipated" or "the actions I took were less effective than they could have been if I had been 'my old self'," or "Instead of getting my head in the game, I found myself turning to self-soothing behaviors that got me nowhere." Not living up to your own expectations is a hard pill to swallow, especially when you know you could have done more in your better days and now you're falling short of that.

I feel like I was one of those people who "isn't ready to be helped." And that stings. Because I can see that in other people, and I want so badly for them to snap out of it, but then I know how I just barely limped along myself.

Thoughts on helping someone who isn't ready to be helped​

Since I've been that person, let me speak to the difficulty of trying to help someone who isn't ready to be helped due to mindset blockages.

More than one forum member gave me a leg up in the form of offering me work and/or mentorship. If I had been more "whole" in my mindset, I know I could have taken much greater advantage of the help that was offered. Instead, it was kind of like offering someone the chance to go skiing or to Six Flags, but the day comes and they're in bed with a violent case of the stomach flu. They just can't take you up on it. Even if they wanted to, and even if they dragged themselves out of bed, they'd just be miserable all day and not be able to take full advantage of the trip the way a healthy person would (and indeed, they might actually experience low-grade trauma over the very thing that was supposed to be fun).

I want to keep this in mind for when I'm in a better place and I'm reaching out to people coming behind me to give them a hand. Based on knowing how it felt to BE that person who was struggling, I think these principles are good to keep in mind:

1. Being compassionate goes further than the RAH-RAH GaryV-style hype. I'm not talking about limp-wristed, namby-pamby "compassion" that's essentially the same as condoning bad behavior. I mean things like, "Hey, I see you. It sounds like you're struggling. Sorry that this is hard. Have you been drinking enough water recently? Are you getting enough nutrition and sleep? Take good care of yourself. You've got this. I believe in you. Just do the next step."
2. Baby steps might have to be broken down smaller than you think.
3. Just because someone isn't quite ready to be helped doesn't mean that they can't do ANYTHING towards a better position. Even if someone is not ready to take full action the way you could, they'll still benefit if they attempt SOMETHING.
4. Be patient when people's own internal barriers lead them to make frustratingly inept choices. It's SO tempting to throw up your hands and write someone off when this happens. Instead, point their focus back to the goal and to any viable action step that is available.
5. Maybe you do need to set boundaries if someone truly isn't getting it and it's becoming a waste of your time. For example, "Looks like you're not quite ready to do this step. Let me know when you finally are, and I'll be here for you at that point." Leaving the door open for when that litmus test is passed can be a good way to balance the competing pull of wanting to help but not seeing that person do their part.
6. Sometimes people might be in a position in life where they legitimately need the structure and outside accountability that comes with a job. There's no shame in this. It can be a good way to regroup and still at least pull in an income while they are getting back into the saddle mentally.
7. Setting goals is not necessarily helpful. It just feels like an exercise in futility to that person. While they might comply outwardly ("Sure, I'll write down a SMART goal"), internally they may be thinking, "I'll either hit it or I won't, and the existence of the goal isn't going to contribute anything towards my likelihood of success." What's more helpful is just exercising a repetitive sequence of [Identify the next action] > [Do that] > [Repeat]. Even if the larger goal takes shape very slowly, this at least helps the person to develop the default pattern of taking action.
8. Uncovering the reason for blockages is super helpful. "Why am I feeling stuck right now? What fear is underneath this resistance? Is there a cognitive distortion in my thinking? What unhelpful belief is contributing to my lack of action? Do I feel ashamed of myself for something and is that causing paralysis?" Just labeling the mental baggage is a great first step toward seeing it for what it is and getting rid of it.
9. If there is a high-intensity constant stressor in the person's daily environment, such as a special needs child or a significant health issue or a toxic relationship, then they have to either get rid of that stressor, or else, if it's going to stay for whatever reason, they have to be absolutely ruthless about eliminating other sources of stress, even if they're "minor." Anything that takes a toll on your mental health needs to go. As an analogy, my purse is not that big or that heavy. I always carry it into the store with me. But when I was on crutches for a sprained ankle, I stopped carrying my purse into stores because it was too much. It's the same concept with mental health. Cut loose any and all optional things that are mildly stressful. You don't have the luxury not to.
10. I think we can all see examples around us of people who are exactly where they are in life because of bad choices, poor mindsets, and unhelpful behaviors. But someone's prior track record does not have to be the final verdict on their future possibilities. There's always hope that someone can change, see the light, and take different actions. They have to be the ones who want it, of course. And they ultimately have to be the ones who do the work to get there. But being part of their support network is a wonderful gift to offer them.

Ok, enough with philosophical ruminations.

Here's a quick (really quick, because I'm really pushing midnight now!) recap on where I am with work stuff.

Copywriting​

I have declined copywriting jobs since April. I am such a reluctant copywriter anyway. I can do it, but it takes so much out of me. And I always have to drag myself kicking and screaming to make myself work. I don't have to do that with other kinds of work. It has been a pleasant relief to not have to do any writing or freelance work for a while.

My product​

So in 2020 I had this thing manufactured, and it's a bummer, but the boxes of product are still out in my garage. Chalk that up as one of the casualties of mental health (or the lack thereof).

It would bring in, oh, $10-15k if I were to sell it all... and I paid, oh, I forget, but in the ballpark of $4-5k to get it made... so I'm kind of ambivalent about whether to even bother.

There's a couple of problems with the product. 1) The quality is not good. It's not like my prototype at all. I'm really disappointed that I didn't make more emphasis on making sure that the manufacturer's method of making this was just as good as the original design. It wasn't, and it leaves the product somewhere between "not fun to use" and "not even usable." 2) I'm not excited about the product given these flaws. 3) I'm hesitant to spend any advertising money into it, given 1 and 2. We'll see what I decide to do with it.

Helping to build an ISP​

Now this is the fun part. You know how I said I had to drag myself kicking and screaming to make myself do copywriting? Yeah none of that happens with this work. I'm having the time of my life, working with amazing people, and helping to build a real fastlane business.

Full disclosure - it's a job, and I'm an employee. In management, but still. The owner is a friend. But I'm not an owner. But you know what? That's exactly what I needed in this season. I needed the stability, the predictability, the variability, the interestingness.

It's a brand new company, and it's growing like gangbusters, and we are all loving every minute of it, and I'm getting the opportunity to face some of the challenges of running a business without ALL of the burden on my shoulders of owning the business. Like I said, for this season in my life, it's just what I needed.

Welp, there's my update, 2 minutes under the wire before midnight! haha
Thanks for reading!

 

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[Bekit]

Progress update:

******I MADE MY FIRST FREELANCE DOLLARS!!!!******

This calls for a victory dance. If I did it once, I can do it again. And now two separate clients have paid me real-world money, just to little-ol-me.

Who knew?

This can actually work.

Plus, I have other clients in the pipeline and more work on the horizon.

So now I'm solving different problems than I was before.

I was trying to solve, "How do I get clients?" I wasn't sure if I could believe that anyone would ever want to work with me. Now, I know that it's possible. At least some people will say, "Yes." Looking back, I see this as essentially an insecurity. I needed to see the proof of concept in order to believe it could happen. Now, I've seen it.

The new problem is, "How do I execute satisfactorily on my current client work, while still juggling all the demands of my full-time employment?"

This is a case where I'm just "building the plane as I fall through the air."

I dove in, hoping for the best, and I'm sleeping a little less while cutting down on those 14-hour days for my employer and using all my strength to shove open the space to (maybe just barely) squeak by with client communication and fulfillment of work.

Imagine a stick figure with a backpack, walking along a path. This spindly little character meets a fork in the road and decides to put one foot on each path and keep walking.

For a short time, the two paths are side-by-side, so all is well.

But then the paths begin to angle further apart.

At the same time, a bigger and bigger burden gets loaded onto the stick figure's back. Now the stick figure is basically waddling, stooped over, with a huge burden on its back, trying to keep its footing on both paths and wondering how it's going to fulfill everything.

That's a bit like how I feel at the moment...straddling two worlds (my full time employment and my freelance work) and wondering how I'll possibly juggle everything until I am ok to let go of the full-time employment path.

I'm not quite there. The total I've brought in so far through freelancing is only one-eighth of my typical month's salary (and once I take out the taxes, it'll be much less). So I am thinking I will hold on to my job for now and moonlight with these side projects...and not take on any more beyond the clients who are already in my pipeline.

Other random notes worth sharing...

• The Upwork profile I created is bringing leads my way. People are contacting me to invite me to interview them, with zero effort on my part, despite the fact that I have zero completed jobs, zero testimonials, and rates listed at $100/hour. (Ok, I did a wee bit more than zero effort; I put in two proposals for jobs the day I created my account, and then I did three more on one other occasion. Other than that, I don't even apply. People contact me. That's kind of nice.) I've said no to a few, and put in a proposal to others, but at the end of the day, no one has hired me through Upwork yet. Guess that means that my profile copy is working, but my approach to writing follow-up messages and "cover letter" copy still needs some tweaks to get dialed in.
• The terrified head space I was in when I started this thread has given way to a much healthier one. Now I feel like, "We're going to make it." And wow! When you're in a better head space, EVERYTHING goes better.

 

[Andy Black]

You write well @Rebekah.

I’m glad you found this place and MJ’s books.

So you need to get to 1x your essential expenses. Have you figured out your shortfall? If it’s the $1k/mth, then that’s $250/wk or so. Obviously batten down the hatches but you’re right to want to also increase your income.

Tell us more about the copywriting you do in your day job. What type of copy? Is it for the company you work for, or is it for their clients?


Can you link to your post where you gave someone the suggestions of contacting dog-walkers and vets as a way of contacting dog owners.

That was good advice. It shows a marketing brain. What type of marketing have you done, and who for?

Can you take your own medicine and think about: “Who already has your clients?” (Jay Abraham).

Web designers/developers and digital marketing folks/agencies may well have a need for a copywriter.



Much as I love the @Kak and his think bigger mindset, I do think freelancing is the quickest way to get started creating additional revenue streams.

Sell your time and services. Get to 1x and stop digging the hole. Then figure out how to start adding monthly recurring revenue (MRR).

Also... put your health first. You can only work a limited time flat out. Your husband is right to look out for you. No-one wants you to “crater”.

If you’ve limited hours then use that constraint as a positive force to work smarter.


You’re already getting paid to write copy. That’s a great place to start. I suggest getting paying clients now.

Oh, and I don’t suggest Upwork. Network, add value. You’re already doing it in here. Focus on people you know, and keep adding value and being part of the community here. It will work waaay better than Upwork imo. (Bear in mind I’ve never used Upwork so I could be talking balloney.)



This is what I do when my back’s against the wall:

• When your back's against the wall...

Good luck! We’re rooting for you.

 

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[Walter Hay]

I found this thread today and was so taken with Bekit's circumstances and attitude that I had to keep reading.

This thread absolutely shines! The spirit of community is outstanding. Bekit has been brave in adversity, but her need has brought many wonderful members of the forum hastening to her aid.

What a joy it was to read towards the end and see what outstanding progress she has made through adversity.

All that I have read today reinforces my long held belief that this forum is like a beacon of light in a dark world.

I want to thank from my heart all who have contributed, especially Bekit.

Walter

 

[Bekit]

Great write up @Bekit. I connected with your position, being 18x2 and realizing that you missed the entrance a half-life ago.

On your spouse - A valid struggle for most married fastlaners. Rare is the couple that both fit in the driver’s seat, equally ready to plow through fear and uncertainty toward a goal shrouded by a lifetime of perceived impossibility. There is value in having a passenger instead of two drivers. Use him for perception checks, for opinion and for your murderboard. You’ll find yourself validating your decisions to him, far harder than validating to yourself. To me, that’s a largely unrecognized value - a resident critic.

B. Cole, thank you for these words. This was helpful perspective for me just now. Validating my decisions to him is far harder than validating them to myself--you're right, that's HUGELY valuable, and easy to miss or not recognize.

[Rant Begins]
I don't know if I'll publish what I go on to write, but I just need to get some things of my chest, and this is the most productive space I can find to do it. Plus, I need to just sort out my own thinking, and maybe "verbal processing" (er- "typing processing") will help.

I'm facing what feels like some big decisions and dilemmas.

Last week, I was burning out. Hard.

I wasn't answering client emails. I was moving really slowly. I was saying to myself things like, "I've gotta snap into it." And I was barely producing any output in my day job as a copywriter.

I was feeling really envious of the high-paid copywriters who actually have the luxury of doing research on their client base or on the studies that have been conducted. They charge enough and build in generous enough timelines to actually create copy that's amazing to read and that beats a control. They're not driven hard to crank out copy, more copy, endless copy. They're free to create great copy. Their creativity and brilliance stays intact rather than being wrung out and then burned to a cinder.

On Friday, my husband and I took a walk at a nearby park that has a trail around a lake. The distance around the lake is just under 5k.

So we saw this jogger going the opposite direction around the lake, and he actually passed us three times on our journey around the lake, because he was moving pretty fast and we were just walking.

The jogger had a dachshund on a leash, and the dog was galloping hard to keep up. It was behind him and the leash was taut, pulling the dog's neck pretty hard.

My husband was really angry at the guy for cruelty to the dog.

And on Saturday, I realized...

I feel like that dog.

I feel like I have two choices.

Gallop hard, or stop galloping and be dragged by the neck.

Take on a double workload, or collapse under the pressure and end up at the mercy of the system, dependent on other people's generosity.

So I'm gamely trying to keep up with the pace that life sets for me, just for me to have basics... a roof over my head, utility bills paid, and food to eat. This is not luxury, this is the bare minimum. A 900 square foot house, no health insurance, no cable, no vacations, a 1997 Toyota Corolla.

Something has to give.

This isn't sustainable.

Towards the end of last week, I felt like I was in danger of losing my ability to write, period. If I burn out, I don't know what will be left.

So I'm desperately strategizing for what solution will give me the best bet at making it.

• Find a different full-time job that's hopefully less exhausting while still paying the same or more, to cover my expenses while I'm trying to develop my freelance business (might work, but might land me in the exact same boat plus add a commute; it's not clear if this would solve anything)
• Charge more money for my freelance work and don't take on little piecemeal work so that I can incur less of a mental load on myself (sort of what I'm already doing, but just with bigger reward - not sure I can carry the weight of this)
• Play really, really big and land a "whale" client who can replace my full time income for the next month or two, while giving me time to play really, really big and land the next "whale" client before the money runs out (scary, because it puts me into "feast or famine" mode before I've fully proven my concept or learned how to reliably bring in business)
• Sell my house and move to a different country where I can cut my living expenses in half so that it's not so hard to make ends meet (I would do this, but I've lived overseas before, and I feel like the trade-off would be increased complications in navigating daily life in exchange for decreased complications affording things, plus, I think my husband would be really unhappy in a less-developed country, and this would place an additional burden on me.)
• Change my strategy altogether: instead of trying to build freelancing into a thing for myself, take a step back, focus on building a CENTS business, and re-launch when I have something that offers me MRR and scalability rather than trying to make this service-based model work.

The idea was to use copywriting as a way for me to pay my bills with a good enough income to be flexible enough to do other things.

But I can't figure out how to even get to that point. #stumped

Yesterday, I read through every page of this thread by Kak. GOLD! - Where I have been this time... and why I'm famous at Wells Fargo

And it awakened a deep, yearning call in me, a desire to do something like THAT instead of just spinning my wheels on the little tiny things I'm trying to do to get traction and bootstrap myself into a less-precarious place.

If it's just as hard and takes just as much work for me to slave away, typing out blog posts and emails for people, as it would be for me to think dramatically bigger and harness the resources that it would take to solve a nation-sized problem...

...WHY WOULDN'T I THING BIG?

Or do I not have what it takes to think big and play big, and the evidence of that is that I don't even have the strength to handle a couple of little freelance clients on the side while I'm working full time?

In the middle of it all, my husband is deeply entrenched in sidewalk thinking and trying to talk me into believing that...

...I don't have a choice...
...Building a fastlane, CENTS business is just way too hard (why bother? why try?)...
...It's all the fault of the "evil" employers...
...etc etc etc...

So I have to not only resist this thinking (which I politely disagree with), I don't have him to strategize with me and discuss the possibilities, the implications of this choice vs that choice, the potential outcomes, the best case vs. worst case scenario.

So that's fine... I would like to have the luxury of a lot of things that I don't have. No use crying over them.

• I would like the luxury of including him in the discussion.
• I would like the luxury of not being weak and fallible and prone to burnout.
• I would like the luxury of a stable launchpad from which I could make decisions without the risk of major, life-altering catastrophe. One misstep and we could be homeless.

I guess I'm feeling tension between two choices.

The first one is the pull to just succumb to the script. Settle back down into the version of life where you're an employee, and that's all you'll ever be, and you were wrong to stick your head up and have the audacity to think you could do anything different than that. It's familiar here. It's scary to take on extra pressure, extra work, extra risk. It's scary to rise up and "be somebody," to own my choices, to be assertive, to exercise leadership, to find myself in the place where it's up to me to say, "The buck stops here." It's pressure. If I just retreat, I'll stop feeling the pressure. Maybe I should just do that. Just stop fighting against the forces that oppose you. Just go with the flow.

The second is the pull to say, "NO WAY. NOT ON YOUR LIFE."

You just watch this.

I am going to play big. I am fearless. I am a leader. I will not be cowed into settling for an existence where I'm just scraping by. I do not consent to just being a victim of my circumstances.

Whatever I need to do, I'm going to do it. All these fears and doubts? Begone. Away with you. You're not welcome here in this life.

I'm going to play big, and nobody's going to stop me. Nobody's going to talk me out of it. Nobody's going to tell me no.

If somebody else can play big enough that they command all the exports from an entire country in a particular niche — then I can, too.

If somebody else can just add extra zeros to the numbers at the end of their goals and execute on that size venture when we both have 24 hours a day — then I can, too.

If somebody else can harness all the resources (financing, product development, marketing, fulfillment etc.) to put together a creative solution that nobody else has ever seen for a million-dollar (or a hundred-million-dollar) problem — then I can, too.

You know what? I'm going with option 2.

I hereby rebel against the script, and all the script stands for, and the message of the script, and the outcomes of adhering to the script. I refuse to be cowed into submission by the pressure, the fear, the potential of failure, the economic circumstances in this country, or the frowning disapproval of the scripted mentality.

I may not know all the answers of how to conduct myself and choose the best thing and behave wisely while I attempt to play big - but nevertheless, I can take that route.

And that's going to be better.

*Deep breath*

Things are going to work out.

NO FEAR.

Watch out, here I come!

 

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[Bekit]

Guys, just in case you hadn't already figured it out, this is a progress thread of somebody who struggles really, really inexplicably hard to do normal things.

Somebody told me to give up this week.

I was literally given the advice to stop trying to be an entrepreneur, take a $20/hour full-time job, tighten my belt and live on a strict budget, and give up on pursuing things I want (like being able to afford to fix my husband's teeth).

If this had come from some random person, no big deal, just shrug it off. What do they know? They're obviously on the script.

But it was from someone I respect and trust a LOT, someone who knows me very well, someone who cares about my well-being, and someone whose advice has consistently been good (really good) in all kinds of other situations.

That stung a little bit.

So why in the world would they advise me to give up? (And no, it wasn't "reverse psychology," it was their sincere recommendation.)

It was because I shared that I had been struggling. A lot. It has been nearly impossible to force myself to work. And I asked for advice on how to get myself moving. Was there something in my environment that needed to change? Was there something I could implement that would support better progress? Did they have any ideas that I could try?

They were basically like, "It's not a matter of your external environment. It's your internal environment. You could be in the perfect environment and you'd still struggle to motivate yourself. (Fair point.) There's one thing I've always said about you. You should never put yourself in a position where your livelihood depends on your discipline and ability to execute. Just put yourself in an employment situation where you know you can function. And be content with that."



I'm guessing the root of this is undiagnosed ADHD. That seems to be the thing that matches the closest with my daily experience.

My executive function is badly out of order. This leads me to struggle to do very simple, normal things. It holds me back in countless ways.

I sincerely would never wish this issue on anyone else. But I know there are others on this forum who struggle in similar ways. So I'll write out a couple of observations about my experience in case some of what I share can help others who read this. Maybe some parts of this will give someone an insight of something that you can try for yourself.

If you don't struggle with this, feel free to skip the rest of this post.

Description of (ADHD?) (Executive Function Issues?) (Why it constantly feels like I'm dragging myself kicking and screaming to work instead of working happily and diligently)

For me, it's kind of like having a fully functioning car. The engine and transmission and steering and mechanical stuff works great. Maybe it even has a really powerful engine and a luxury interior and new tires.

But I can't find the keys.

I can't start the car until I have the keys.

So the entire vehicle is absolutely useless to me.

And it's even worse...

I can't always remember that there ARE keys.

It's like I'm standing there, yelling at my car, saying, "WHY WON'T YOU START??? I used to be able to start you. Why can't I now?" And I don't even know to look for the keys, or what they will look like when I find them.

So I start to get frantic, because now I'm running late for an appointment, and I NEED MY CAR to get to the appointment, and time is running out, and the car just won't start.

Because I don't have the keys.

Now imagine that EVERY time you go to start your car, you can't find your keys.

So you know that EVERY time you need to go somewhere, it's a toss-up whether you'll actually have your car available to you or not.

So you can't really trust your car, because you never know if or when you'll be able to get it started.

But being forced to walk everywhere isn't a viable option. It's too slow. You just won't survive.

And you watch other people just go out to their cars and start them every time. And you don't know whyyyyy you can't do the same thing. It's incredibly frustrating.

So my brain works great when it's running. It's not a matter of intelligence. There's tons of potential under the hood. When it's running, I can do anything!

It's not a matter of "wanting it bad enough." If you've ever been late for an important appointment and frantically tore your house apart, searching for the keys, that's basically how I feel on a daily basis, until I'm exhausted and say to myself, "Being frantic about it won't help me find the keys any faster, so I'll just calm down and keep on searching." To the outside observer, it maybe even looks like I'm being apathetic, but it's just sheer exhaustion, plus the uselessness of getting all worked up over something that is not going to improve by me being worked up.

It's also not a matter of the importance of the task. When I can't find the keys to get my brain started, it doesn't matter how important the task is. Even hugely important things like security or shelter or food just...don't happen until I can find the keys. The "intelligent" part of the brain is incredibly distressed by this. It's like every conscious thought is constantly roaring, "YOU HAVE GOT TO FIND THE KEYS!! I DON'T WANT TO BE HUNGRY!"

What do I do about it?

I've had to do a lot of experimentation to find ways to get myself to do ANYTHING.

I've tried depriving myself of every leisure activity in my life, sticking my butt in the chair, and forcing myself to sit there until I get a task done. But unless I can "get my brain started," my progress is excruciatingly slow.

You'd think it would be motivating to realize, "You can get to bed sooner if you get done sooner." But in reality, it is just torture, because I'm just screaming at my car, "WHY WON'T YOU START? I WANT TO GO TO BED BEFORE 2 AM!" In times like that, there's nothing I can think of to get my brain to turn on. This has been the case ever since I was a kid. "You can have recess if you just get your math done." I wish that kind of thinking had any power to get me moving, but nope. So I just sit there and slog through, hopeless about getting any recess or early bedtime, making maybe 5 minutes of progress per hour.

I've tried punishing myself with fasting. "If I don't do X, I won't eat for the entire next day. That'll teach me."

No. No, actually it won't.

After fasting every other day for two weeks, I realized I would be capable of fasting myself to death before that would have any effect.

Plus, it just leaves my brain starving for nutrients, extremely irritable, and overall worse off than before.

I'm discovering that in order to do "normal life," I need to support my executive function with techniques that ordinary people don't have to do. It's kind of like... whereas normal people would just hang their keys on the same hook every day so they know where to find them, I have to have a key making machine at the house, and maybe even replacement ignition cylinders laying around, with the know-how to install them. Yeah, it takes longer to install an ignition cylinder in your car before you can leave for your appointment - but if it's the difference between being able to drive your car at all, might as well just bite the bullet and do it.

I'm learning that I have to be vigilant and unfailing in implementing the techniques that work. I can't relax or think, "Oh, things have improved now, maybe I can be normal."

To use another analogy, I'm realizing that this is kind of like wearing glasses. Forgetting my glasses or contacts is not an option, because my eyesight without glasses is equivalent to being legally blind. (I'm NOT legally blind, because my eyesight can fortunately be corrected up to 20/20. But if my eyesight weren't able to be corrected, I would be legally blind.) So I don't have the option not to wear my glasses.

If I were to drive to the airport without my glasses, it would be an incredibly stressful, frustrating and dangerous experience. I wouldn't be able to read the signs. I wouldn't be able to see the gauges on my dashboard. I wouldn't be able to see what was happening with the cars around me. I wouldn't have time to react to things that other people would have seen long in advance. So a task that's simple (driving to the airport) would be impossibly difficult without my glasses, and it could easily result in a wreck.

In the same sense, I need my "brain glasses" as a matter of basic survival.

Brain Glasses. Brain Keys.

I'm still figuring this out.

I'm looking around at successful people who are incredible hustlers. It feels like their "brain keys" are always in the ignition. So when they go out to start their car, the keys are always there. All they have to do is turn the key, and it starts. So for them, it's confusing to know how to help me. "Why are you standing there screaming at your car? Just sit down in the driver's seat and start it. Or just don't bother to try things that require using a vehicle." Using the key is invisible and automatic to them. They don't even realize that they're doing it. So they don't know how to mention it.

So I'm over here with an ignition that didn't come with a pre-installed key glued into place, and I'm trying to figure out how to get a key and reliably have it in my hand so that I can reliably get my brain started when I need to use it. I haven't figured out the pattern yet, so these are more like "hints that help a bit." At the end of the day, I may have to come up with a completely out-of-the-box solution, like hotwiring my car instead of using a key. Whatever works. I don't particularly care.

But here are the "brain glasses" or "brain keys" that I have found to be the most effective.

1. Prayer. I'll skip this one since this forum isn't about religion, but if you want more details, feel free to message me.

2. Stimulants. I haven't gone on medication for ADHD, but I've definitely used a lot of coffee. It helps, but only to a certain extent. I'll always reach a point where caffeine stops working. When I get to that point, I will quit caffeine cold-turkey for a few weeks and then gradually re-introduce it again. Based on how caffeine goes, I'm guessing Adderall or another similar medication would be the exact same effect. It would work at the beginning, and then I'd have to gradually increase the dose to maintain the effect, until I was on the maximum dose, and then it would stop working, and then I would have to go through withdrawal. Lately, though, I've thought about asking a doctor about getting drugs that might help, just because I've been so desperately dysfunctional.

3. Diet. I'm currently experimenting with a strict adherence to the dietary recommendations in the book, The Mood Cure. This involves 1) eating 3 meals a day spaced 5 hours apart, 2) making sure each meal contains at least 4 ounces of protein, and 3) a ton of supplements (mostly vitamins and amino acids). The point is to give your brain the building blocks it needs to manufacture the neurochemicals that you might be deficient in. I'm really hopeful about this approach, as the biology of it makes total sense, so I'm going to give it a really good-faith effort.

4. Behavioral supports. Setting timers and using the Work Cycles spreadsheet have been the most effective methods for me to reliably get work done and improve my performance. What happens is, I drift away from these methods over time. But the more I use them, the more they support me in being productive. So I'm discovering that I can't allow myself to drift away from setting my timers and working in my spreadsheet. It's like laying my glasses down. Don't do it.

5. Mindset. If I "can't find the keys," it does me no good to get frantic and frustrated and create a bunch of drama. If anything, thrashing about intensely just clouds my ability to see clearly. So I take a deep breath and tell myself, "Don't give up. Just keep trying. Just keep looking. I'll find the keys and everything will be ok."

6. External deadlines. It's funny how I can suddenly "find the keys" and get working on a task at the VERY last minute before something is due. However, there are multiple problems with this approach.

1. It doesn't work for deadlines I set for myself, only deadlines that other people set for me. (This is why I can more reliably get work done as an employee than as a self-directed person.) (sob)
2. By starting at the last minute, there's no margin. So if something comes up (and it often does), then I'm going to be late. So this is a recipe to maximize my stress.

Despite the weaknesses of the external deadlines approach, I am finding that there are ways to use this method to help and support me, such as asking clients to impose a deadline, even when there isn't one.

7. Gamifying things. I wrote a thread about my dopamine hack game that got me moving again when I was in a period of tremendous burnout. I still go back to this (or use a modified version of it) from time to time when I'm really struggling to get myself moving.

8. Habits and routines. I'm a free spirit, not a routines person. My track record is abysmal with habits and routines. I have battled tremendously to implement things like making my bed, keeping my house clean, and brushing my teeth. But when I do manage to implement good habits, they do support my productivity. So they're worth fighting for. And it's also worth fighting to break a bad habit (like when I'm in the habit of turning to YouTube every time I feel overwhelmed).

9. Sleep. My performance nose-dives when I don't get enough sleep. What often happens is this: I wait until too late to start a project. Then, to get it done, the only option is to sacrifice sleep. I sacrifice sleep ("Just this once!") and get the project done. But then I'm useless for the next few days as I recover. So I'm discovering that sleep is non-optional, just like wearing my glasses.

10. Water. Staying hydrated seems like a little thing. It's not like I feel a surge of brain energy when I drink more water. It's more like I suffer a noticeable decline when I let myself get dehydrated. So drinking water is a little thing that helps keep me running smoothly.

11. Automating everything that can be automated. Everything that I can take off my plate is a win. For instance, I have all my bills on auto pay. If I have to actually take action on a little thing like paying my bills, that's one more potential area where I might not get my car started and something necessary might fall through the cracks. So it frees up my brain to have fewer things to dread that I might fail at.

12. Regulating emotions. For a lot of things, I'm finding that there's an emotional component to the tasks that I struggle to do. I've started noticing that when I feel emotional, that's when I'm triggered to just "zone out on YouTube for just a minute." This might be because a client rejected my copy - or I'm afraid that they might reject my copy - or something requires me to communicate with a person - or I'm required to do a task in a way that I feel is "wrong" and won't work - or I have to dig up an email from months ago and I have no idea what words to use to search for it - or almost any other thing.

When I'm procrastinating because something is emotional, I've discovered that it's helpful to ask myself a series of questions to probe into it and see if I can solve it. For example...

• What emotion am I feeling right now?
• Why am I feeling emotional about this?
• What would it take for me to feel better about it?
• What action can I take to help me feel better (WITHOUT solacing myself on YouTube)?
• If I do that action, will I be able to move forward?
• OK, what else needs to happen for me to move forward? (Maybe I need to face a hard conversation.)
• OK, what's the worst that can happen in that conversation?
• What's the best thing that can happen in that conversation?
• What action can I take to help make it easier to face having that conversation? (Maybe it's writing up a script of what I will say when I talk to that person.)
• Etc.

The questions are different every time and depend on the situation, but simply walking myself through the practical aspects of this can help me to feel free and safe to proceed.

13. Checking if I'm shutting down because of shame. This is an interesting one. I've noticed a chain reaction that is absolutely devastating to my productivity, and I think it's rooted in shame. It goes like this.

• I haven't worked and accomplished something that I think I should have. For example, I had a 4-hour time block, and I used the whole thing on YouTube, so I have nothing to show for my 4 hours.
• Now I'm ashamed of myself, because I know I should have used my time differently.
• Shame makes me want to hide and not let anybody see me. For instance, I don't want to contact the client and confess that I have nothing. I want to wait until I actually have something to show them. So I don't email the client because I feel like if they remember me, they'll be asking me for the thing I didn't do.
• But the next day, shame makes me feel emotional about facing the project. And there was probably already some kind of block in the project in the first place (likely one that would only be solved through communication). Instead of facing the project or the communication, I go back to YouTube.
• This leads me to feel even more ashamed of myself.
• So I retreat further inside myself, like a turtle who is closed up inside its shell.
• If I come outside into the light, it means I'm going to have to face the situation I'm ashamed of and fix it. So I stay longer and longer in the cycle, feeling more and more ashamed of myself.

Getting out of this destructive cycle involves asking myself the question, "Am I ashamed of myself for something about this?" If the answer is yes, then I know that the shortcut to relief is to face it and 'fess up, no matter how painful it is.

Noticing this pattern has also helped me to choose to communicate right away rather than holding something in, because I know that if there's something that needs to be communicated, and I DON'T do it, I'll be sucked right down into the shame whirlpool.

14. Identifying precisely why I'm stuck. Another thing that has been helpful lately is to simply identify what exactly is the holdup when I can't get started on work. Just ask myself, "Why exactly am I stuck? What would it take for me to move forward?"

Usually, I can point to some aspect of the project that is the holdup. "Well, before I can do Y, I need to do X, and I don't really want to do X."

Then, I ask a series of questions to uncover what it will take to get me started, and usually, this helps me to see a path forward.

For example,

"What about X don't you like?"
"If you break X down into its smallest steps, can you do the first one?"
"Is there an area where you feel insecure or don't know how to do X (or a piece of X)? What would it take for you to gain that confidence?"

15. Exercise. If I take a walk every morning (outdoors, in the daylight), that helps my overall brain function in a small way. It's not a noticeable boost (like caffeine) for that individual day's work; it's more like an overall way to maintain a sustainable life rather than constantly feeling like I'm about to drown.

16. Seesawing back and forth between a task I like and a task I don't like. This is a tactic that has worked with me ever since I was a toddler. My parents would alternate between one bite of food I liked and one bite of food I didn't like in order to help me to get the disliked food down. And when I would do my math, I would alternate between doodling and doing a math problem, all the way through my lesson. And now, I find that I can face the task of work if I tell myself, "I'll work one hour, and then paint one hour." Often, I don't even need to do the hour of painting. Just the act of telling myself that I can paint after only one hour of work is enough to get me started - and once I'm started, and I'm on a roll, I don't even want to stop to paint.

I'll probably add to this list as I identify other things that are helpful.

If you struggle in a similar way, what have you done to help yourself to reliably do your work when you don't want to?

Side note: This is my 800th post on the forum.

 

[Bekit]

Dear Bekit,

today I read your amazing dopamine thread. When you described how you enjoyed eating that chocolate chip, I thought of a documentary about mindfulness training. There people got a raisin and they had to experience it with all their senses. How does its surface feel, what is the sound, when you squeeze it? At the end people ate the raisin while paying attention to all the flavor nuances. This is supposed to reduce anxiety.

So I was wandering if maybe you trained your mindfullness whith the trick, that you described In that gold thread? I mean maybe it was not only the reward, that worked for you, but also the change in the brain, that is caused by mindfulness?

I don’t know how mindful your prayer is. Maybe you could enjoy some chocolate chip again with all your attention? Or practice other mindfulness exercises?

How is it going with your physical product? No matter how it turned out, you are a big inspiration!

Thank you so much for your encouragement! I hadn't explored the mindfulness connection before, but that's really interesting. It does sound a lot like the way I savored the chocolate chip. Thanks for sharing that! And glad you enjoyed the dopamine thread!


OK, so let's catch up on how the story has unfolded so far with my physical product.

Accidental connection

One interesting detail was the fact that my point of contact at the factory said that it was purely an accident that I even connected with her in the first place. She said, "I NEVER pick up the phone when I'm at someone else's desk. But that day, I did. And that was when you called." WOW! It seems like a never-ending series of "it just so happens that this worked out in your favor" moments with this project.

But was the music about to stop?

"Send the money to my brother-in-law." WHAT?

When the factory had my product ready to ship, my point of contact told me that I would need to deposit the money in her brother-in-law's bank account instead of wiring the funds to the company.

I was like, "What?"

You know that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach?

I shook my head. I read the email to my husband. Both of us were like, "Hold it. That sounds super sketchy. Why does she want me to send the money to her brother in law, and how can I be sure that I will get my product???"

I felt like my whole project (and the 50% upfront deposit I had sent) was about to go *poof* and disappear.

Around the time I had sent the flowers, I had happened to see the company's Google Maps listing, and their rating was 1.7 stars. Two 1-star reviews and one 3-star review. No one had left a comment, just a star rating. "Uh oh. What does that mean?" I had wondered. Now with this, I wondered if the whole thing was a scam.



So I emailed my point of contact and basically said, "That's sketchy. Why am I sending your brother in law the money? I don't trust that. I need to wire the money to the company, just like I did last time. Put yourself in my shoes. How would this sound to you?"

I truly did not see how she could possibly have any explanation that would make a difference in my thinking. I was ready to chalk it up to a loss and a learning experience. Do better due diligence next time.

She wrote back the following answer.

• Our company bank account is charging us too many fees and we're trying to get that sorted out.
• This is a family-owned business owned by 5 siblings. You are sending the money to one of the owners.
• We can understand how this could sound, so we will put the burden of risk on ourselves.
• If you will just pay the shipping (either by sending us shipping labels from your own shipping account or by sending us the payment for the shipping), we will send you the product first and then you can pay us the remainder of the money once you receive the product.

I was like, "Wow. OK, I can do that."

So I sent her the money for the shipping.

And then she mailed out the product.

International shipping is a learning curve

Then, there was a weird issue where it got hung up in customs for about a week. One part of the shipment got separated and sent to a different customs office. This seemed super weird to both me and the factory. I had to make multiple calls and emails to FedEx to get it sorted out. The factory also called and emailed them multiple times. I still don't really understand what happened or why it went the way it did, but the last time I called FedEx, I got a guy on the phone who looked at the tracking number and said, "Hmmm, everything looks like it's good to go... there's no reason it wouldn't have been sent through by now... I'll email the case manager and also copy management about the fact that everything is clear to send on to you." And after that call, the second part of the shipment arrived the next day.

But my FedEx account also got charged $187.02 TWICE for a "customs fee" on top of the almost $500 I had already paid for shipping. I'm not sure if that is normal or what exactly was going on there...but I haven't had time to look into it, so I just basically paid an arm and a leg for shipping when I'm sure I could have spent a lot less for the same result. I want to be vigilant about little things like this and not just let money bleed out of my account for no reason. This may require my retiring personality to be aggressive and demanding at times. It's all part of the learning curve.

Product Arrives Before Black Friday, Yay!

I picked up the remainder of my shipment on the day before Thanksgiving. I had already put up a Shopify site with the idea of doing pre-sales. Only two orders had come in during the pre-sale phase, but the extent of my "outreach" during pre-sales was that I told my mom the link and she posted it to her facebook. LOL. In other words, I put in almost NO effort to publicize the product.

So over Thanksgiving, I edited my Shopify site to say "buy now" instead of "Pre-order now" and set up a Black Friday discount.

However, I didn't have good photos of the ACTUAL product yet - just some photos of my prototype homemade version of the product. So I didn't make a big push to promote the site. I just posted a single time on my facebook wall that I was offering this product and left it at that.

Zero sales on Black Friday

Aaaaand zero sales have rolled in to date.



I'm not exactly surprised, though. Can't blame people for not buying an item that they can't even see a photo of yet, especially when I've made zero effort at marketing.

I know better than this.

Good proof that just "putting a product out there online" is NOT all it takes to see sales start to roll in.

Product photography

I have connected with a friend's brother to get some good-quality product photos taken with a clean white background. He did product photography for 5 years, so I'm feeling comfortable with his ability to take good photos for me.

It's just that I need to DO it.

As in, answer his last text over messenger and arrange to drop off the product at his place so he can take the photos.

Part of the delay was that when I first connected with him, I didn't have the product in hand yet.

And part of the delay was around the fact that sometimes it's like my depression yanks me underwater by the ankles and I have to fight and sputter to get my chin above water again.

And part of the delay was around the following bewildering fail:

Is there something bad about hiring a photography model?

So I wanted some photos of a person with the product.

I paid $3 to put a post up on craigslist, advertising $50 for a photography gig. I made it clear that it was for an ecommerce product. The ad said what the product was.

I got like 4 inquiries in the first two days.

And then craigslist took my post offline and said it was "under review."

The next day, they emailed me and said that my posting had been removed.


WHYYYYYYYY?

Did I do something wrong?

I don't understand.

Move on, I guess? Find a different way to do it?

#shrug

It's not a dealbreaker to hire someone from craigslist, but this was a little blow.

It's little things like these that you don't think of when you're at the beginning of the journey.

You'd never actually PLAN to gear up for "that time down the road when you have to fight back from feeling deflated after craigslist unfairly pulled your ad."

It's just one of those challenges that you have to take as it comes.

Admittedly, this is pretty minor.

Next Steps

- Get the photos done
- Edit the site so that it looks presentable with the new photos
- Actually put some effort into marketing LOL
- Figure out what it takes to get sales

In other news...

I feel like I had a bit of a breakthrough this weekend regarding something that has been a major source of emotional pain. I feel so much better. So I'm really hopeful that I can maintain this progress and continue to feel better, as it makes it so much easier to work when I'm not fighting against a continual headwind of "why bother?"

Thanks for reading!

 

[Bekit]

How’re things going @Bekit ?

Wow, @Andy Black - thank you for bumping my thread. When you did, I discovered the amazing replies from @CareCPA and @JordanK , which I had somehow missed until then. Thank you two for sharing your valuable input. I've been wanting to reply ever since, but am just now carving out time to do it.

Progress update since my last post:

• I still have yet to make a single freelance dollar, but I am patiently taking action.
• I am still employed, which I am extremely grateful for. I sensed that cuts were coming... and they did. They just fired my team member on Monday. It was a blow to lose a coworker, but a relief to know that my income is still coming in. I would have been in extremely precarious trouble if I had lost this job before I had a functioning backup source of income in place. I have been working 14-hour days to keep up with the workload with my employer. Now that my team member is gone, I'm guessing the workload will increase. Hopefully they won't expect me to do the work of two people. They said they don't expect that. Regardless of the workload, as long as I can keep doing quality work, the fact that I'm the only copywriter left on the team provides me some job security. And that brings a huge dose of mental relief. I'm not quite as much "under the gun" as I was, which frees me up to think more clearly, do better work, and feel less stressed while I do it.
• The video script that the local graphic design company asked me to write is going forward. What I've done so far is drive to the client's place of business, conduct an interview, transcribe the interview, and submit a rough outline for approval before I move forward with a draft. Haven't gotten paid yet. Haven't even negotiated the rate that I'm charging other than to indicate that I'd be affordable and willing to agree to something that fits within their budget. More on that in a moment.
• Back in November, I sat next to a lady on a plane who became very interested in engaging my services. She took down my info, but I never heard back from her. However, this week, they contacted me! Happy dance. That one seems likely to come to fruition, but it's not nailed down yet.
• A well-known copywriter who studied under Gary Halbert offered to "shake the bushes" for me, and he contacted me last night to say that two potential clients may be able to hire me at the beginning of the year. Wow. This guy doesn't even know me, owes me nothing, and became interested in helping me after I interviewed to enroll in one of his programs but couldn't afford it. Just the fact that he followed up with this was the most generous act EVER. Completely blew me away. Super touched and humbled that he would take action on my behalf in this way. Whether or not anything ever comes of it, my respect and gratitude is through the roof for this guy.
• Two separate people I know offered to coach me through some of the foundational aspects of setting up my business, which is another thing I am extremely grateful for and amazed about. I believe that will move forward with both. It's just a matter of setting up the appointments.
• I created a profile on Upwork and applied for two gigs so far. One replied to me but then didn't follow up after that. Also, one person contacted me about a gig I hadn't solicited. I sense potential here, but simply haven't had the time to invest in even scrolling through the available jobs, much less reaching out to apply.
• I am in email communication with a potential client that I met and spoke with at a live event. I did a copy review of her sales page and provided feedback on what I would change. She is interested in having me work with her on copy, but she's not quite ready to get started. But at least that's something in the pipeline.

Story about charging zero
I said I had a further comment about the video script gig...

I was thinking about what I would charge, and I didn't know what to tell them. So I thought when I gave them a quote, I would say something like, "Here's my rate: You pick. The price that you pay me is up to you. Whatever this is worth to you, and whatever you can afford within the budget for this project, I'm good with that."

And a little voice in my head said, "Even if it's zero?"

And without hesitation, the other little voice in my head responded, "Yes, even if it's zero. Anything above zero is a bonus."

Instantly, I was transported back to a memory of the days when I was a teenager and I had babysitting jobs from time to time.

And that's how I set my rates back then, too.

Parents would come to pick me up and take me home after their date night, and they would ask what I charged, and I would say, "Whatever you want."

They would be taken aback. Sometimes they would argue with me. But I would always stand my ground and tell them, "Seriously. You can pay me nothing at all, or you can pay me something, and whatever you pay me, I'll be happy with it."

So they would pay me something, and because my baseline expectation was zero, it always felt like a huge bonus that they paid me, even if it was only like $3.00. I didn't have any expenses. I didn't mind babysitting. I didn't care about money that much. (I was also trained to not care about money that much. But I completely accepted that mindset. And it worked at the time.) I was living with my parents. I saved most of my money, but occasionally used it to buy yarn and craft stuff once in a while. I had everything I needed in terms of food, clothing and shelter. So it wasn't problematic at the time.

That memory came back to my mind, and I suddenly saw it through a new lens.

"You know what that says about you?" I said to myself. "That says that you have defined your baseline value to be zero."

Uh oh.

That's a problem.

Instantly, I realized that that's not true. My value is not zero.

This is a mindset issue here. I need to think of myself and my work as something that has value. I've never thought of it that way before. I've thought of money as "this bonus that people are nice enough to give me for my work, even though I would have done the work for free, out of the goodness of my heart."

No. That's not a model that can work. I need to correct this mindset.

Because otherwise, I'll be willing to let people negotiate my rates all the way down to FREE.

And in business, I have the suspicion that not everyone will be so kind as to insist that they pay me something.

It's my job to assert my value. And in order to assert my value, I need to believe that I have value in the first place. That's a good starting point. After all, I need to earn a living here. And maybe if I get my thinking straightened out, my income will get straightened out, too.

Any advice on how to think more accurately about this? Has anyone else run into this before?

My best strategy at the moment is to simply (a) contradict that incorrect statement in my head and repeat over and over, "No, I DO have value," and (b) come up with the wording that I could use to communicate my rates, and then vividly visualize myself charging for my services with confidence and not backing down.

But still, I have this part of me that laughs at the "preposterous" idea that my work is actually worth money, and I'd like to silence that once and for all.

Concrete actions to take:

• Over the week of Christmas, my workload might be a little lighter, allowing me to spend some time in goal setting and reflection about the coming year. One of the things I'd like to accomplish is to get really clear on what "niche" I want to claim. Define that for myself so that when I pursue new business, I'm not just casting a generalized net over anything and everything, but instead, I'm positioning myself as the only go-to person for X. (Thank you, @Andy Black , for this advice.)
• Follow up with all the people in the pipeline in order to bring one of them all the way to the point where I can take their money.
• Be ruthless in my time management. There is no wiggle room. There is no space for procrastination. There is no opportunity to slack off. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
• Become better at setting boundaries. I think if I was better at setting boundaries, I'd be better at limiting my work to "work hours only," which would free me up to do more of my own stuff. This goes back to the mindset correction I'm attempting to make. If I value my work as worth zero, that means I value my time as worth zero, which means that I will just give it away to anyone who asks, and if my employer wants to take 14 hours a day, I have no resistance about giving that to them. *shakes head* Really need to get my thinking straight, and I believe that my actions will follow.

I would worry 0% about this. Setting rates will come with experience. There are people I over-quote, and people I under-quote, it's a continual learning experience. If I find people are consistently saying I'm too high, then either I'm not communicating my value well, or I'm really just charging too much.

Given the mindset challenges I described above, and given the fact that my default is probably going to be to undercharge (at least at first), do you have any advice on how you'd approach this if you were in my shoes?

When @Andy Black says this, I think of it in a complementary sense. I know the Big 4 accounting firms have my clients, but that's not who I'm looking at. I work mainly in Ecommerce, so I'm thinking: who is building websites for Ecom? Who is running ad campaigns? Amazon content? Shopify developers?
I'm looking at complementary services, not competitors. That's just always been my interpretation.

This is a great point, and so true! That way, you're not trying to steal a client from a competitor, you're trying to provide value. I see a lot of potential for synergy that way.

If I was in your position I would focus on reducing fixed expenses or boosting your income through passive methods that don't require you to work 'X' number of hours.

I really, really like this idea, and I 100% see the logic in this. However, I don't see a concrete way to achieve this in the short-term. And while I do certainly envision build a passive income engine for the long term, the very scant hours of my time SEEM to need to be devoted to immediate income-generating activities, at least until I can break even. However, I could be missing something here. What's an actionable step towards a passive income stream that somebody in my circumstances could take?

You should consider renting a spare room on AirBnB if you have any available while putting 100% of this income into paying off credit card bills.

Check out the book 'Set for life' by Scott Trench (BiggerPockets)

I LOVE the fact that you hacked your housing! Brilliant! Unfortunately for my ability to take your advice, I just bought a house in April. It's in a rural area, relatively far from places where other people want to live or where AirBnB travelers would want to stay. And it's only 900 square feet, so it would be a challenge for me and my husband to share the space with a stranger while still keeping up the intense pace and workload that is pretty much non-negotiable if I want to get myself into a better situation. In my first post in this thread, I admit candidly that this was slowlane thinking at its finest. And while I'm super grateful to have place to call "my own," I certainly feel entangled and bogged down in a way that far exceeded my expectations of how difficult I was making it on myself.

Thanks for the book recommendation, too! I'm a huge reader... although I'll have to put it behind TMF and Unscripted in my reading list.

 

[Bekit]

BE, DO, HAVE

Be the superstar
Do what the superstar does
Have what the superstar has

Whether you believe you are or not, BE that person and DO what they would do.

@Bekit cut the 'i'm not worthy' humbleness ....... step into the role of superstar and be that person!!

write 'I am a Superstar!' on a post it note and stick it on the edge of your monitor (post a pic)
BE, DO, HAVE

When I was younger, I thought I was really great.

I felt like I was so capable.

I could do anything I set my mind to.

I felt like I had never even remotely tapped into my full potential.

I hated the idea of weakness, dependence, and reliance on others.

I had boundless stores of energy. Other people would talk about how such-and-such an endeavor "brought them to the end of themselves" and they didn't know how they made it through. I was like, "What does that even mean?" I had never reached a wall.

(I figure this is largely genetic. My siblings and my parents are also like this.)

Then I went through years of chronic illness.

Suddenly, I was the weak one.

I had to drop things I loved, like games of Ultimate Frisbee and skiing. Anything that cost more energy than a slow walk was so exhausting it would take me days to recover.

In the middle of all this, in 2014, I experienced a loss that rocked my world, disrupted my sense of my identity, and robbed me of my "why."

Rebuilding after that experience has been slow, painful, and confusing.

I remember the "superstar" I used to be. I can't just throw on that cape and rise up and conquer like I used to.

I mean, I can try, but it feels a bit like being a 90-year-old grandmother and hyping yourself up to say, "Hey, kids, watch this. I'm going to dance like when I was 20." Hahahaha good luck, grandma.

I'm learning more and more that I am not the superstar of my life. God is. And the more I live in dependence on him, receiving His strength instead of counting on my own (depleted) strength, the more I find that I am enabled to go on patiently, reduce the anxiety, find joy instead of depression, and legitimately do bigger things than I did when I was in my 20s and had all that energy.

All that said, I do find that it is a helpful lens to use a modified version of your advice,

"Whether you believe you are or not, BE that person and DO what they would do."

When I'm struggling with client communication, and I think, "How would a superstar business owner do this? OK, do that," it helps to crystallize the actions I should take.

And when I start doing the actions of a superstar, it helps me to start being more like that superstar.

I guess I just prefer to approach it from the perspective that at the end of the day, God is my superstar, not me.

 

[Bekit]

Progress:

• I have yet to make a single freelance dollar since I started this thread, but my husband took on a part-time job, so that's helping to correct our financial situation and bring some mental relief, which opens up space for me to continue to move forward without freaking out.
• I wrote a sales letter at no charge for my friend who just moved here and started a landscaping company, and I got a really nice testimonial out of that.
• I have two pending inquiries from a local marketing guy. One is for a video script and one is for a website rewrite. Both will probably happen, but the wheels are turning slowly for getting started.
• I also have an invitation to appear for 15 minutes on a copywriting podcast, which will be great exposure and a massive opportunity. The podcast host is also willing to give me a testimonial. The recording date is in December.
• I worked all day Saturday until 4 in the morning to get my website up and looking good. Sunday I got overtired and ended up being a basket case, crying over nothing. Lack of sleep is not good for me.
• I worked 20 hours (from 6 am to 2 am) in my day job yesterday, so I'm on the verge of repeating the overtired cycle.

Lack of time continues to be a serious challenge for me.

I have cut out all social media. I don't have Netflix. I don't have a television. I don't have leisure time. The closest thing I get to having a "hobby" is cooking my meals, but I eat in front of my laptop because there's so much work to do. For two weeks, I haven't even managed to carve out the time to exercise.

The only "leisure activity" that I've done this week has been my daily visits to the Fastlane Forum. Talk about a dopamine hit. Watching my Rep $$ balance go up as people like my posts has been almost like a mini experience of what it must feel like to earn passive income. And I think the analogy holds true: Provide value and the money will come. But despite the fact that I'm learning a TON every time I read a new thread, I'm going to have to cut down on the time I'm spending here.

Next steps:
I still haven't completed all of the next steps from last time. So - the items above, plus the following:

• Put some strategic thought into the niches I want to target. I have been using a "spray and pray" approach... throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. Who is my ideal clients? I don't even know. I've been approaching this with the mindset that "my ideal client is the one who will pay me money." But somebody on the forum posted a 6-minute video interview with John Paul DeJoria, and he said something that really lodged deep inside of me. It was something like, "Long term entrepreneurial success is liking what you do, who you do it with, and who you do it for." And a picture popped into in my mind of me writing copy for somebody whose product I secretly loathed, and how much I would hate that, and I realized, I've got to define this and do the things that will attract the people I want to work with and the jobs I want to do.
• Implement Andy's method for when your back is against the wall. I recently realized that a few of the people I went to college with are in the digital marketing space, and I bet if I sent each of them a quick note, something would come of it.

 

[ZCP]

@Bekit have you and hubby figured out your 'why'? time to sit down and figure out your family wheel of life. then figure out how much that costs. then create a plan to do it. then do it in half that time.

I just skimmed this thread....... Seems like you have no belief in your product. quit assing around. get a higher paying job to fuel the machine that also has less hours required so you can focus on your business. then create systems and get help so you are only doing the important stuff. raise your rates.

Pm me later and remind me to send you my Skype info....... Then we'll get into more detail and get this train on the tracks.......

Allow yourself to be awesome! chop chop!

 

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[NMdad]

First, huge congrats on taking the actions that led to you getting paid. Huge accomplishment!

I have a bunch of stuff for you:

Don't worry about getting "whale" clients, yet. Focus on bread-n-butter clients so you'll have a portfolio of MRR. That way, if you lose 1 client, it's not catastrophic. And you'll have built a system for getting more clients.

Here's what I'd suggest if you're struggling to get copywriting clients:

1. Target 5 very businesses in a very specific niche--ideally where you have niche-specific expertise & knowledge, where the businesses are making $5MM-20MM/year, and where you can find the CEO's email (LinkedIn can be a good resource).
2. Look at 1 piece of their marketing--a landing page, the 1st email in their sequence, etc.--and re-write it.
3. Send it to them, with a short blurb about how it'll help them, how you've helped other businesses just like them & the specific results you achieved.
4. Call immediately after you send your email--just to make sure they received your email. And then ask them their biggest frustrations & desires/goals for their marketing.
5. Figure out how you can help with those problems.
6. If you don't reach them, call in 1-2 days, then 1 week later.
7. Repeat until you either start getting clients or determine that your targeting needs to be adjusted.
8. Track your actions in a simple spreadsheet so you can see who you need to follow up on, & your results.

Don't do free work--it cheapens your value. (Yes, I just said re-write something of theirs & email it to them--for free...). Any work beyond that first email you write them should be paid--you don't want to waste time on budget-driven, non-paying, discount-driven, PITA clients.

Charging a premium rate filters out most of these "clients". Seriously, charge more than you're comfortable with (as long as you're confident you can do quality work). Like, if you think a fair rate is $75/hour, tell prospects your rate is $150/hour. You might feel like a fraud initially, but bargain-hunting prospects will disappear, and you'll up your game to deliver better results.

Spend a consistent amount of time on this, daily. If you can only do 1 hour/day, fine. Don't kill yourself trying to do it 18 hours/day.

 

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[NMdad]

To manage juggling your day job, delivering freelance client work, and getting more client work:

• Mentally compartmentalize your day job. You go there, do the work, and when you leave, you're done with it for the day. (Also, if possible, you can strategize about your freelance stuff while you're at your day job).
• Create systems & habits for the freelance stuff:
  • Client deliverables: A simple task management system or to-do list for what needs to get done, by when, and for whom.
  • Client prospecting: A simple spreadsheet for tracking your prospects, outreach activities, etc. Write out email & phone scripts for yourself--these make your outreach WAY faster & less emotion-laden.

Systems are your friend. You create checklists, scripts, etc. so you don't have to think so much--and so you can eventually delegate stuff to others. Systems make things easier, less time-consuming, and give you more predictable results.

 

[Fox]

After this particular forum member waited patiently to hear back from me for over a week, they sent me this email.

Since this was me let me jump in to say you are hands down the highest ROI person or thing we have invested in as a business. Bekit you are an absolute star and your work is next level.

In Ireland we have a saying that "a fisherman can recognise another fisherman afar". I could guess at the time something was probably up since I have been in these types of moods myself before. Stick in there and you will do so well - you got a lot of well earned talent and are a great person to connect with.

A lot of respect for posting this up and working on all these challenges. A lot of people have this stuff and never tackle them and instead turn to vices or distractions. You got a lot of heart.

Keep moving forward and do what is right for you. Any business would be lucky to have you so look for what you want and I am sure it will be possible to create. Thanks for all you have done!

 

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[George Appiah]

Hello, Amazing @Rebekah!

You are very brave for having the courage to say.. "enough is enough"... and for starting this progress thread to document and share your journey to greatness. And it looks like you've done some serious soul-searching already and have identified concrete action steps to take going forward!

This is just a quick "hang in there" bump while we wait for the more experienced comrades here to chime in.

Following!

 

[Bekit]

WOW everyone! What a boost to my spirits to read all your helpful replies, advice, and encouragement! Lots to reply to...

It has been incredibly entertaining to read your post. Not because of the context, but because of the writing style.

Glad it was enjoyable to you! I had fun writing it. First thing I've written "for fun" or "for me" in a long time...

Consistency is the key.

YES! I agree. Great point.

nowhere as hard as staying out in the cold wet slowlane.

SO true! Also, your comment, "You'll die anyway" made me chuckle.

He said "it's tough to move to a different country".

I have given serious thought to moving to a lower cost of living area, like the rural US, or even another country, but I feel like I need to get some proof-of-concept under my belt that I can consistently obtain and fulfill work from home jobs. I currently live in an area with a thriving job market where if worst comes to worst, I can get hired again while I build up my own business.

Tell us more about the copywriting you do in your day job. What type of copy? Is it for the company you work for, or is it for their clients?

I write marketing copy, email sequences, sales pages, stuff like that. It's for the company that I work for, though I've also done agency-type work where I write for clients.

Can you link to your post where you gave someone the suggestions of contacting dog-walkers and vets as a way of contacting dog owners.

That was good advice. It shows a marketing brain. What type of marketing have you done, and who for?

Why thank you! What an encouraging thing to hear. The post in question is here...
Types of marketing I've done... I was part of a small experimental team inside a major enterprise-level company, and we were testing what it would take to launch our product in Mexico and South America. In that role, I was talking to Mexican small business owners on the phone every day, coming up with keywords to target, and helping with some channel enablement stuff. It was a super cool position to be in, because I could see how we (as a large company) were marketing ourselves, but I could also see how the small businesses were marketing themselves. It was an eye-opening global perspective on how your approach to marketing changes dramatically when you're a large, well-resourced team compared to when you're a small business owner. The strategies that work are different for both groups. (But the small, bootstrapped business CAN take a page from the playbook of the largest companies in the niche, assuming that the big dog has a well-funded team who is fanatically testing everything... there's a fair amount that you can intelligently copy just because you can assume it's performing well in their tests.)

I've also worked on the content team in a marketing agency... lots of learning experience there, too... a lot of productivity lessons, learning how to crank out sheer volume. I know from experience that there is no such thing as writer's block! Even if you are writing for something obscure and over your head like ultrasonic nondestructive testing equipment LOL... I learned that the key is not only to know my client, it's to know my client's client. Deeply. Thoroughly. Profoundly.

Can you take your own medicine and think about: “Who already has your clients?” (Jay Abraham).

*hyperventilating* OH my goodness, that is so true! I hadn't thought about it this way... talk about thinking BIG... "Jay Abraham has my clients. Brian Kurtz has my clients. Ben Settle has my clients." Uhhhh maybe I'm not at that level just yet, but you sure gave me something big to chew on!

Random memory this prompted... In 2016, I was on the phone with one of the clients of the company I worked for at the time. I was brand new in my role, and the customer on the line said, "You know, I've worked with REAL copywriters before." And he went on to tell me of some connection he had had in the past with Jay Abraham. I felt my face flush. My legs got a little weak. My jaw dropped. I was totally starstruck. "You worked with Jay Abraham?" I stammered. Part of me was like "Great, and now he gets little ol' me," and the other part of me was like, "Cool! I have a chance to live up to someone who gets what real copywriting is!" After I got off the phone, I walked slowly around in a dazed circle. I told a few of my coworkers, "That customer has met Jay Abraham!" But no one else knew who Jay was. The day went on. The customer moved on. And now I see that *I* have moved on, because I've gone from star-struck wonder at talking with someone who remotely interacted with Jay Abraham to having the audacity to state just now that "Jay Abraham has my clients." *chuckles*... Don't let me get too big for my britches, Andy. XD

Web designers/developers and digital marketing folks/agencies may well have a need for a copywriter.

Yeah I've done a fair amount of work for digital marketing folks... I can write content for any topic under the sun, but the thing about that is that it doesn't really move the needle much for the customer unless you have the resources (and commitment) to writing world-class content every time. And I was not doing that.

Also... put your health first. You can only work a limited time flat out.

Thank you to both Andy Black and J.Sark for reminding me to take care of my health. Burning out is not a good route to take.

If you’ve limited hours then use that constraint as a positive force to work smarter.

So true. That'll be good for me to do anyway.

That was lovely to read and you are a fantastic writer. You will get there I have no doubt you will get there.

Thank you for your vote of confidence! Appreciate you rooting for me!

 

[Bekit]

Thank you to everyone who posted SOOOO many good comments, suggestions, and pieces of advice.

Progress update:
Over the last year, my day job gradually became a source of extreme stress & burnout, to the point where it started affecting both my mental and physical health. It wasn't just me. At least a dozen people at my 30-person workplace also developed anxiety issues out of the blue. I never knew that I had the potential to be this fragile. I thought anxiety issues were only something that happened to "other people." But it got bad enough that it started interfering with my work. I had to scale back and focus on self-care and press pause temporarily on attempting to growing my business.

At the beginning of June, I gave my notice and came down sick the same day. It was like my body said, "OK, we're finally done with that. I'm going to break down now." After almost a month, I am slowly starting to feel better.

Two weeks ago, I started a new position as the marketing manager of a real estate company. This is a nice change of pace and I am hoping that this can be a job where I can "compartmentalize" my work a bit better and not let it bleed into every single waking minute of my life.

It feels like I am slowly coming back to life. The "old me" with all its drive and passion and ambition is slowly budding back out from under the charred remains of burnout.

My brain is gradually coming back into "Challenged Accepted!" mode after a long stretch of just viewing everything as daunting, overwhelming, and exhausting. I'm starting to be able to view things from an abundance mentality again, rather than just being in survival mode.

I have made more progress in the last two days on building one of my businesses than I made in the last two years. So YAY FOR THAT!

What's on my plate:
Full time job: Right now, I have a lot of flexibility and autonomy with this. I am taking it slow as I adjust to the new role and giving myself space to continue to recover. I have found that as I recover a healthy outlook, I find myself able to dive into projects with the kind of focus and "flow" that I used to enjoy before this burnout started. Rather than dragging myself kicking and screaming to work, only to find it futile to squeeze work out of my brain, I am enjoying the process and doing better work as a result.

Freelance Copywriting: As soon as the word got out that I had given my notice, I had a FLOOD of requests to do copywriting. People were like "HEYYYYY, now that you're free, can you work for me?" I was a bit shocked by this, as I had assumed that it would take a LOT longer to build up a clientele that would be able to support me. But copywriting was where I was the most fried from the burnout (because I was a full-time copywriter in the position I just left). So I told everyone that I was going to take a 2-month break from copywriting to take care of myself and adjust to the new job and then evaluate from there what I would do, based on my bandwidth. Everyone was very understanding. But this showed me that WOW - maybe I could have quit the job a long time ago, and I just didn't see it.

Publishing: My husband is a researcher who has compiled the complete works of a 19th-century British author. Her works were super popular in her day (she was one of the few woman authors who had more than 1 million books in print before 1900, second only to Harriet Beecher Stowe according to my husband's research), but it's the first time that her complete works have ever been compiled. We have about 40 books almost ready to launch that we believe will appeal to a very well-defined niche in the market that we both have a lot of expertise in. So this is going to be a fun project and great learning experience.

I was going to try to use copywriting as a means of gaining the funds to bootstrap the publishing stuff. But right now, while I'm taking a break from copywriting, my time has opened up to work on the publishing work directly, and I have found this to be extremely energizing and rewarding. There's a lot that I can do right now with minimal or no money investment, so I have been plugging away on that. This project languished on the shelf for the last two years, so it feels good to see it moving forward. I have a few ideas for how I will (A) skew value and (B) maximize control in the areas where most people would give that control away to Amazon. So I feel like I'm building a lot of momentum, and that is really rewarding.

@Bekit next steps? due dates for each?
who can you call / contact to get a sale today? contact them!

Zane, when I first saw this, I was in overwhelm mode. However, I have made a list of about a dozen potential clients that I will contact when I'm ready to do copywriting again, and this feels very doable and logical. I feel pretty sure that I could get a sale (if not multiple sales) in a day or two if I put the word out, and that's a very empowering feeling.

Came across this article today and her background story is quite similar to yours:

How Dani Mancini Transformed Her Freelance Gigs Into A SaaS Business - Starter Story

Sweet article! This expanded my thinking in a whole new way. LOVE IT! Thanks for sharing.

Looks like people tagged me and I didn't see it. Also looks like it didn't matter that much because you got started, took action, and made your first sale! Rep+ Great work!

Thanks, Lex! Appreciate the encouragement.

First, huge congrats on taking the actions that led to you getting paid. Huge accomplishment!

I have a bunch of stuff for you:

Don't worry about getting "whale" clients, yet. Focus on bread-n-butter clients so you'll have a portfolio of MRR. That way, if you lose 1 client, it's not catastrophic. And you'll have built a system for getting more clients.

Here's what I'd suggest if you're struggling to get copywriting clients:

1. Target 5 very businesses in a very specific niche--ideally where you have niche-specific expertise & knowledge, where the businesses are making $5MM-20MM/year, and where you can find the CEO's email (LinkedIn can be a good resource).
2. Look at 1 piece of their marketing--a landing page, the 1st email in their sequence, etc.--and re-write it.
3. Send it to them, with a short blurb about how it'll help them, how you've helped other businesses just like them & the specific results you achieved.
4. Call immediately after you send your email--just to make sure they received your email. And then ask them their biggest frustrations & desires/goals for their marketing.
5. Figure out how you can help with those problems.
6. If you don't reach them, call in 1-2 days, then 1 week later.
7. Repeat until you either start getting clients or determine that your targeting needs to be adjusted.
8. Track your actions in a simple spreadsheet so you can see who you need to follow up on, & your results.

Don't do free work--it cheapens your value. (Yes, I just said re-write something of theirs & email it to them--for free...). Any work beyond that first email you write them should be paid--you don't want to waste time on budget-driven, non-paying, discount-driven, PITA clients.

Charging a premium rate filters out most of these "clients". Seriously, charge more than you're comfortable with (as long as you're confident you can do quality work). Like, if you think a fair rate is $75/hour, tell prospects your rate is $150/hour. You might feel like a fraud initially, but bargain-hunting prospects will disappear, and you'll up your game to deliver better results.

Spend a consistent amount of time on this, daily. If you can only do 1 hour/day, fine. Don't kill yourself trying to do it 18 hours/day.

To manage juggling your day job, delivering freelance client work, and getting more client work:

• Mentally compartmentalize your day job. You go there, do the work, and when you leave, you're done with it for the day. (Also, if possible, you can strategize about your freelance stuff while you're at your day job).
• Create systems & habits for the freelance stuff:
  • Client deliverables: A simple task management system or to-do list for what needs to get done, by when, and for whom.
  • Client prospecting: A simple spreadsheet for tracking your prospects, outreach activities, etc. Write out email & phone scripts for yourself--these make your outreach WAY faster & less emotion-laden.

Systems are your friend. You create checklists, scripts, etc. so you don't have to think so much--and so you can eventually delegate stuff to others. Systems make things easier, less time-consuming, and give you more predictable results.

There is so much gold here, I would rep this to PIECES if the rep transfer was available on the forum. THANK YOU for all that you shared. Wow.

At the time you sent this through, I barely absorbed it because I was in survival mode and it all felt too daunting. Basically, I thought it would work, but I thought if I did all that stuff, then I would be on the hook for more work than I could do.

The way it looks now, though, all I would do is structure my time in such a way that when I fill my calendar with client work, I'm compensated well enough for my time that I'm NOT overloaded or cutting into sleep time.

I was operating with zero margins. Now I am focusing on building in margin. Just need to charge enough to live on while keeping the margin intact! And that mindset shift is helping a ton.

What you shared here is a step-by-step plan that I think anyone could follow to become independent and successful in their niche. Thank you for this insanely valuable advice.

This is good.

Additional tip if you’re using Gmail: Install Chrome plugin Streak for Gmail so you can see if someone opens your email. (Make sure you only send to one person or you won’t know who opened the email.)

Great tip! The sales team at my last company was using Streak, so I should definitely incorporate that myself. Why wouldn't I!? Nothing to lose there!

Heya @Beckit - Dropping by to leave a quick thank you for all the candor, honesty, and wit you've shared so far! When you can, let us know how you're doing!!!

xWW

Thanks for the kind words and for the bump to the thread! I've been thinking it was time for an update.

 

[Andy Black]

what have you done to help yourself to reliably do your work when you don't want to?

1) I chip away.

2) I work at things that deeply fascinate me. You couldn’t pay me to NOT do what I do.

3) Where I can, I make it about other people. I don’t want to see people suffering or struggling.

 

[Xeon]

I don't know how to get a client, and up until now it has looked like a big, scary, daunting thing to do. But it's time to take whatever action I need to take to get my first one. Sounds like I should start by looking for someone I can help. And I can think of 3-4 people right now.

There is this guy here, his user name is "lex_deville". I remember he runs some sort of copywriting business, and in one of the post some time back, he was offering some kind of part-time paid gigs for copywriters to work for him and they also get mentorship. My memory is hazy on this, but check him out if you haven't already.

Read both books (Unscripted and The Millionaire Fastlane )

This may be an unpopular opinion here, but I find reading just Unscripted is more than enough. It has everything the other book talks about, and more. Just the concepts worded differently.

Should I look for a better-paying job in the meantime?

In my opinion, yes. A better paying job with the same or lesser hours. It won't be easy, but make it a long-term mission. With lesser hours, you've more time to work on your copywriting business.

What are some strategies to impart fastlane thinking to my husband?

There were some threads here where others ask similar questions, like how to change their 68-year old dad's mindset to the "Fastlane thinking". Don't waste your time, just execute and show them the results.

If I barely have time, and I'm going a bit more in the negative every month, is it even an option to offer FREE help to my 3 or 4 friends that I'm starting with? Or should I just confidently charge them a fee (maybe at a discount)?

If I were you, I would charge them a discounted fee instead of helping them for free.
One thing with providing free work from personal experience, is that "Man only respects what he/she pays for".

Want to watch this slow-laner transition to the fastlane? Come along. How fast do you think I can do it?

Be careful about burning out. For those of us with no experience in business, it will definitely take longer than those who have. I feel sometimes folks tend to have unrealistic expectations and then get disappointed and give up fast. We're all in this for the long run, not burn out fast.

Also, being a copywriter doesn't necessarily mean starting a copywriting business though.
You could use it as your main tool in a bigger scheme of things.

 

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[J.Sark]

It has been incredibly entertaining to read your post. Not because of the context, but because of the writing style. Go for it, you might be able to write your way out of the slow lane.

Baby step by baby step is good. Even the biggest houses are built brick by brick.

Take care of your health and fitness, 36 is young enough.

I used to feel that I was too old for some of the stuff, and at 31, now I feel like I'm just getting started. Consistency is the key. Soon the starting point will blur out of your mind, and the only thing you will be able to see is the next step. Get obsessed in a good way!

Most of us obsess about the negative aspects of our life, just turn it around and obsess about the outcome you truly want, live on it inside of your mind.

It surely it's going to be a tough a$$ road, but nowhere as hard as staying out in the cold wet slowlane.

I always remember a conversation I had with one of my childhood friends: He has great welding skills, and he could make a great living in a different country.

He said "it's tough to move to a different country".

Yeah, it certainly is, I know that very well. But not even close to how hard it is living a life of apathy and mediocrity, just getting by surviving.

Soon you'll acknowledge that there is really no other way, and that you cannot look back. Once you've seen the other side, there is no turning back.

Just keep going: You'll make it or you'll die. You'll die no matter what.

 

[Bekit]

Actions I've taken in the last week (stimulated by @MustImprove 's magnificent post on saving myself years of frustration - thank you immensely for the encouragement to take action!)

• Attended a live event with other copywriters where I received a lot of help, encouragement, mindset stuff, and practical advice
• Contacted a friend of mine who is in the local area and just starting a business. Offered to write him a 1-page sales letter about his services at no charge. He said he is going to take me up on it.
• Started communicating with another person about potentially doing some copywriting work
• Responded to an email from a local marketing guy asking if I can write a video script for a local customer. Said yes, provided a writing sample and haven't heard back.

Actions that I can take in the immediate future:

• Look into whether the local Office of Economic Development has a meeting or other resources where I can get practical guidance on some of the "business basics" that I'm missing for bringing my first client on board (contracts? forms? legalese?)
• Write the spiciest, most heart-rending copy that I am capable of to put onto my website
• Put up my photo and the "social proof" elements that I have accumulated so far on my website
• Make a list of my top 100 dream clients I want to target and create an outreach plan for them
• Write a sales letter for an "unsexy" industry that I've identified that (almost) no one else is writing for, and send it out to see if I get any bites

How I'm feeling: Last week I was feeling a mixture of zeal and terror which was producing insane amounts of urgency and drive. This has given way to a more stable, even-keel emotional state (which is more like my usual self). I have nodded, squared my shoulders, and told myself, "This is going to be ok. You're going to make it. Now get moving."

 

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[CareCPA]

I appear to be a little late to this party, but I'm going to jump in anyway.

I'm not very business savvy... yet. EVERYTHING about this is new to me. How do I set my rates? How does someone pay me? Do I need a contract? Where do I get one? How do I do my accounting? How do I do the legal stuff? Hypotethicals could possibly leave me going around in circles for YEARS trying to make everything perfect. I don't have years. I need to nail this, fast

I would worry 0% about this. Setting rates will come with experience. There are people I over-quote, and people I under-quote, it's a continual learning experience. If I find people are consistently saying I'm too high, then either I'm not communicating my value well, or I'm really just charging too much.
People can pay in any way you currently collect money: cash, check, paypal, venmo, zelle, etc.
I wouldn't worry about contracts and legal stuff right now. Go out and find a client, help them with copy, and worry about formalities when the level of income warrants it.

Can you take your own medicine and think about: “Who already has your clients?” (Jay Abraham).

When @Andy Black says this, I think of it in a complementary sense. I know the Big 4 accounting firms have my clients, but that's not who I'm looking at. I work mainly in Ecommerce, so I'm thinking: who is building websites for Ecom? Who is running ad campaigns? Amazon content? Shopify developers?
I'm looking at complementary services, not competitors. That's just always been my interpretation.

 

[RazorCut]

******I MADE MY FIRST FREELANCE DOLLARS!!!!******

Congratulation Bek. I can't remember when I made my first self employed 'dollar' but I will always remember what it feels like as every time I start a new business I get that same familiar feeling and a smile broadens across my face.

I know you are working stupid-crazy hours at the moment so the juggling is going to be tough. However you've broken through the toughest challenge of all, those mental barriers. Knowing that others see your worth outside of a safety net environment they call a J.O.B.

That breeds confidence and that will take you to the stars.

Look forward to more updates.

 

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[Bekit]

@Bekit have you and hubby figured out your 'why'? time to sit down and figure out your family wheel of life. then figure out how much that costs. then create a plan to do it. then do it in half that time.

I just skimmed this thread....... Seems like you have no belief in your product. quit assing around. get a higher paying job to fuel the machine that also has less hours required so you can focus on your business. then create systems and get help so you are only doing the important stuff. raise your rates.

Pm me later and remind me to send you my Skype info....... Then we'll get into more detail and get this train on the tracks.......

Allow yourself to be awesome! chop chop!

Wow, @ZCP ...
I read this and when I got to "no belief in your product," I was like, "How does he know????"

So I thought it over. The simple fact that you identified this clarified a lot of things for me. I wouldn't have even realized that that was one of the things holding me back. But after you put it into words, I realized that if I'm sitting over here privately thinking, "Yeah, I do copywriting, but whatever. It's just some random thing that I stumbled into to doing for a living," then that will affect my ability to market myself.

So I took your advice and had a detailed conversation with my husband yesterday about our "why" and connected the dots. It was a great discussion. We broke through to the point where this work I'm pursuing is NO LONGER "some-random-old-thing-that-I'm-doing-because-I-can" or "any-old-way-to-make-a-living." but something that is tied into my core, who I am, what I deeply care about, and what I'm especially built to do well.

It's like I went from being a grapevine that had grape ornaments hanging from the branches to being a grapevine that produces real grapes. Instead of my work being a random, peripheral thing that could just as easily be switched out for something else, it's something that arises from the core of my being because it's who I am.

And that is an AWESOME feeling.

I was walking around after that in a daze of jaw-dropping, wide-eyed wonder.

Now, the part about "then figure out how much that costs. then create a plan to do it. then do it in half that time." - I'm intrigued. I think I know sort of how much it costs. That's as far as I got haha. I can imagine creating a plan, but you blew my mind to smithereens with the idea of doing it in half the time.

I like it. A lot.

Even if I have no clue how to implement it.

Yet.

And then, on the heels of that epiphany, Andy chimes in with this absolutely amazing, incredible post:

You should have belief in yourself and your product @Bekit.

The two pieces of work you did for me were done in a timely fashion, and exceeded expectations.

What I was most impressed with was the process showing what you were trying to achieve with the copy, and why, and then the resulting angles to take. With the documented research and thought process you delivered we can adjust the copy to fit our clients, knowing the reasoning behind it.

I’m delighted to pay you the small monthly retainer for each client. I love that it helps both you and us.

I’ll also be delighted to commission more copy from you, and also figure out how to increase your MRR.

At some point I’ll have my course videos redone, and will then look at promoting it outside TFLF. I’ll speak to you in the first instance to find out how we can create a win-win doing that.

Remember: R+R=Profit

Andy Black, I don't know if you can possibly imagine how much this built me up, encouraged me, and solidified me in this newfound secure footing that has come from defining my why, but it certainly did.

You have been a massive source of encouragement to me from Day 1 when I posted my intro thread, and my gratitude knows no bounds. Do you realize how amazing you are? How many people you're a hero to? How many people you've helped? It's a big crowd, and I am incredibly privileged to be one of them. Thank you.

 

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[RazorCut]

@Bekit next steps? due dates for each?
who can you call / contact to get a sale today? contact them!

Now you have unleashed the Zane there will be no hiding.

 

[Bekit]

OK, time for an update.

I'm curious what you all think.

I'm developing a physical product, so this is a brand new thing for me to do.

Here's the process so far.

I noticed a need back in the spring and started experimenting at home to make a prototype product. I went through a lot of iterations.

I wanted to skew value in a particular area that nobody else was doing well. There are a number of practical challenges that pose a barrier to making this value skew. A few people had already tried it in a few ways, but nobody was really hitting the nail on the head.

Imagine two factors that are inversely connected. If you amp up factor 1, you sacrifice factor 2 almost completely. If you amp up factor 2, you sacrifice factor 1 almost completely. But I wanted a solution that offered both factor 1 and factor 2.

I finally settled on a design that I think struck a good balance between the two. It's still not perfect, but I think the laws of physics will prevent it from ever being truly perfect.

In other words, there's a reason no one has done this. It's a hard problem to solve.

Anyway, once I had my design fairly set, I did some research to validate demand. I was satisfied that there was ample demand.

Then, I started looking for a manufacturer.

I started by looking at local manufacturers in the USA, but then I moved on looking in Mexico.

I had visited some factories (in a different industry) in Mexico on a business trip back in 2009, and I felt really impressed with the professionalism that I observed among the Mexican business community. I had also spent 2 years doing sales calls to Mexico, selling email marketing software to Mexican small businesses, and I felt even more impressed.

So I did some research and found a list of potential factories. I added a Mexican calling plan to my phone. Let's use this black rectangle. I took a deep breath and rehearsed my speech in Spanish.

I knew I was going to come across as a total outsider who was pretty clueless.

So I was a little nervous about getting outright rejected on one hand, or being taken advantage of for my naivete on the other hand.

I called the first factory on the list.

"Hola, me llamo...."

This wasn't as hard as I thought. My heart stopped beating so fast. I didn't spend two years calling Mexican businesses for nothing. It all felt strangely familiar.

The receptionist transferred my call to someone in a department that could help me.

I talked to this woman and said I was looking for someone to manufacture my product and wondered if they would be open to working with a new client.

I briefly explained my vision for the product and the need it would meet.

At first, she started talking to me like I was an industry INSIDERS. When she threw around some terms that I didn't understand, it quickly became apparent that I was not. I was pretty transparent about the fact that this was new to me.

She paused and changed her tune.

"Listen, you know what? I'm going to help you. I want to help you make this dream of yours a reality," she said. "Here's my name. Write down this number. That's my personal cell. Do you have WhatsApp? You can message me there. Now, here's what I need from you. I need you to send me a technical drawing. I need you to send this, this, and this. I need you to email me this before I can give you a quote. Once I get that from you, we can go from there."

I got off the phone full of amazement.

"WOW!" I thought. "That was easy. First place I called and it went like that!?"

So I got busy YouTubing my way through how to make the technical drawing that she needed. I cobbled together a baaaaaasic understanding of what a "normal" one would consist of, and then I just barely had enough skills in illustrator to make it.

I put together the email. "Here goes nothing!" I thought.

I knew my version of the technical document was probably lame compared to what a professional would do... but I sent it off. I apologized for the fact that it was probably not quite "normal."

It occurred to me that they could just take my design and make it themselves and sell it. I didn't have any kind of contract in place. I didn't have any kind of patent. I thought, eh, let's just go for it and see what happens. I figured that if I needed to pause to get a whole bunch of lawyer stuff done, I would just get NOTHING done. So I took the risk.

And then I got a quote back.

It was going to be $3-4 per piece to manufacture. MOQ was 1,000.

Terms were 50% upfront, 40% when the order was complete, and 10% after the final shipment arrived.

I was going to sell the finished product for $15.

I thought, "OK, let's go for it."

But first, I had them make a sample.

I'm really glad I did this part, because the first two samples weren't quite right.

This was partly because the design I sent them was not in the standard format for a pattern that they would usually get, and partly because they innovated a bit to see if they could improve on my design (which I appreciated, but it didn't quite work).

For the third sample, my liaison at the factory even paid for the $57 shipping to overnight it to me herself.

I sent her a bouquet of flowers the next week to thank her for all the work she had done to get the project to this point.

She said it made her day.

In the meantime, I put up a basic Shopify site to just have something in place.

I also kept my eye out for potential competitors.

When I started the design process, the options that were out there were terrible.

My version was going to be a no-brainer for how different it was and how much it skewed value.

But now, a couple of people online are selling something comparable to my version. They don't have the same design as mine, but they're tackling the same problem in a fairly comparable way. They're making sales. I've read the negative reviews and they're all about the "big problem" where optimizing for Factor 1 completely defeats Factor 2. I've learned that if someone doesn't want Factor 2, they'll probably leave a negative review if there's ANY of Factor 2. But unless you eliminate Factor 1 completely, there's always going to be some of Factor 2 present.

Hmmm. That's a challenge.

#1, I'm no longer first to market with a decent solution. Other people have beat me to the punch. I moved about as fast as I could, but I wasn't already set up with relationships and procedures to execute on something like this. So that's a learning experience for next time.

#2, the amount that people care about Factor 2 is bigger than I bargained for. So at this point, since I do have some Factor 2 in my design, I guess I'm just going to have to set expectations that "this is going to have some Factor 2, and this is approximately how much." I can show this through video. Hopefully, this will help people not to buy it in the first place if they're looking for something that completely solves Factor 2.

So we are now at the stage where I've paid the 50% upfront deposit, and they've ordered the materials to make my product.

They think it will be done and ready to ship to me in 2-3 weeks.

Now - all of a sudden, I get an email that says the minimum order quantity has gone up to 1300 pieces, because the provider of one of the plastic parts has a minimum order quantity of 1300.

Ok, fine, that's not a big deal. I asked if I could just buy the 300 extra plastic parts alone, but that's not an option. Oh well, 300 extra products is going to be better than 300 extra plastic parts that don't have a use. Selling them should be doable. If I can sell 1000, I can sell 1300. (I think there is demand for at least 10x or 100x that amount.)

But I don't know if I should be worried. Is this a bad sign that something's not quite right?

Hopefully not.

My liaison at the factory seems really helpful. She said she has negotiated down the minimum order quantity of other components in my product, thanks to the fact that she places thousands of dollars of orders with the materials providers, and the retail price would be 4x that amount. So they made an exception for her. I feel really thankful for that.

But I can be overly trusting and overly gullible.

I can be swept away by the giddy excitement of doing a new thing.

What do you think?

Did I luck out with an amazing factory to work with, or is the wool being pulled over my eyes?

 

[BizyDad]

I was literally given the advice to stop trying to be an entrepreneur, take a $20/hour full-time job, tighten my belt and live on a strict budget, and give up on pursuing things I want (like being able to afford to fix my husband's teeth).

This is bad advice. Please recognize that. I understand the reasons why they gave it, and I understand why you might give it creedence, but don't.

It is one thing to take a job in the short term as a solution to a problem.

Someday you might even come to the conclusion that would be happier working for someone else.

But today is not that day.

And as long as that is true, do not let your entrepreneurial dream die. You can overcome these challenges.

Your friend should have been more supportive. This sounds like a decided lack of faith in your abilities and market value. $20/hr and tighten your belt? They don't think you can get, I don't know, a $75k salary? $100k?

Please let me know if you're available for $20/hr work. I'll pay you that just so I can help remind you that it's only temporary until you figure out whatever you need to really propel your business forward.

I'm sure there are people on the forum that could pay you even more. What your friend said was insulting. I'm sorry, but it was.

Checking if I'm shutting down because of shame.

Add I was reading I was wondering if this was playing a role, and if so how much. It sounds like you are aware of it, which is the biggest part of overcoming it.

If you struggle in a similar way, what have you done to help yourself to reliably do your work when you don't want to?

I think this is the wrong question.

I have struggled in similar ways. I get easily distracted at times.

So I build systems to ensure the work gets done. (Note the absence of the word your)

Any piece of the work that I struggle with, any work that I cannot trust myself to complete, I find creative ways to either:

1. Not commit to it in the first place.
2. Find someone to do it for me.

This is one reason why my partnership has worked out so well for me. My partner likes to do the work that is essential for our business, but I can't stand to do. And the reverse is true. He used to do what I do and can't stand it. And we both enjoy helping clients and handling sales.

As a result, most of my job duties are things I like to do. Things I find energizing, not draining.

But it wasn't always this way. It took us years to get to where we're at. And I'm still working on improving my commitments and offloading certain tasks. We still got a ways to go.

But I'm wondering how much of what you're struggling with us just a product of entrepreneur overwhelm. I've always had someone there to lean on as we grow this business.

Are you carrying the weight of, I don't know, maybe EVERYTHING on your shoulders? Do you have someone you can talk to? Sometimes just talking to somebody can help break the cycle.

Do you have help? If there's no help, can you figure out a way to get some help in a win win kind of manner?

I think I've shared with you my solution for partnering with graphic designers to overcome the problem that no one at my company wants to do design, and we don't want to hire anyone to handle design, and neither one of us wants to manage a designer type personality, but clients expect us to be able to handle design. There's no escaping that expectation when you build websites. Who starts a web firm and doesn't do design? (My partner. )

Long story short, we give the client an option. If they have websites that they like the design of, we can do our best to ethically copy those designs. If they want to go out and buy a template, we can take any template and install it on our platform. Or, usually the most expensive route, they can hire a separate graphic designer to do a complete custom design of the site.

And then we send them to one of our preferred designers that we partner with.

The best part about this, is these designers send us business in return. We don't ask for finders fees when we send the business to them, so they really like sending the business back our way. And our end of the development work is often way more than what they charge for the design.

Can you find symbiotic relationships like this to ensure your work gets done?

I suppose you got to be real and ask yourself what parts of your job do you like doing most? Then keep those, and offload the others.

I suppose the real question is, how do you get from here to there?

And to me the answer lies somewhere in the ability to make as much money as possible with as little time investment as possible. Because with more money:

1- you frankly could work less, if you choose. And that unloads a lot of these mind game problems.

Or

2- you can afford to hire someone instead of bootstrapping.

But what does that mean for you?

Is there a way that you could simply be charging more for the same amount of work?

Is there a way you could be improving your marketing to help find clients willing to pay more for the same amount of work?

Could you produce the work once, and find multiple clients willing to pay you for the same work?

Is there a way you can change your pricing structure so that you do the work once, but enjoy some of the upside and earn residual income from the project?

Could you partner with other copywriters, close the sale with the client and pay these copywriters on a project basis?

Could you be developing deeper relationships with your clients to uncover other needs, and referring them to other experts to fulfill those needs, while getting a cut of that fee?

Is there some kind of product you could be an affiliate for that would tie into your business cleanly thus providing additional revenue?

Is there some other revenue generating activity that could be taking place to supplement you while you continue to build your business and put these process in place to offload the work you "don't want" (I'm not sure if "don't want" is the right phrase, hopefully your get the point)?

And someday, having build large enough revenue streams, can you run a small (or large) team of workers to give you a solid stable, growing income steam with little to no effort from you (if that's your goal)?

At the end of the day, none of these really "solve" your problem. The brain chemicals will always need maintaining.

But they will make the consequences happen less often, and/or relieve the pressure your are likely putting on yourself. It can also give you the time you need to take tackle this without feeling guilty or "less than". And that will feel like real progress.

My executive function is badly out of order

Something about this comment is really really bothering me. I can't put my finger on it. First off, I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "executive function". I understand the term generally, but what that term means to you specifically, I have no idea.

Whatever it means to you, I don't know if it is true.

If it is true, I don't know if it is an actual problem. Yes, it sounds like a problem, but there are people whose brains work differently and they are able to see things differently and it is a source of strength with some consequences attached (the genius who can't seem tie their own shoes), as opposed to a dibilitating source of self talk (I can't tie my shoes, why can't I have tie my shoes, all normal people can tie their shoes, what's wrong with me, who's ever going to love someone who can't tie their own shoes, how am I ever going to make it in the world, what if a client notices that I can't tie my shoe? And on and on...)

And if it is an actual problem, how serious a problem is it really? (I'm not trying to trivialize, I know it sounds serious, but I'm just trying to keep an open mind to the possibility that maybe it's not as serious as this post makes it sound).

And what is the nature of the problem? Is it a problem of the mind (like brain chemistry) or of mindset (if you believe your executive function is broken, and how good could your executive function possibly be)? Is this some self-fulfilling prophecy rooted in something from childhood. (Sorry I don't want to get too woo woo here)? Could the cause be environment or something else external?

Which kind of brings me back to the idea that maybe you just don't have enough support. I don't think that's that far a stretch considering one of the best advice givers you know just gave you that advice.

It also brings me back to the idea that maybe you're just way overwhelmed. Are you taking on so much that your brain is trying to process 15 things at any given time? And all these things feel like they are equally important, and you feel stuck in analysis paralysis on where to even start, which, feeling stuck might lead to the shame spiral, so to break the cycle boom there's YouTube?

To go back to your analogy, maybe it's like you've got five different cars in your garage, and you've got five places to get to, but each one requires a specific vehicle, and you're terrible about finding your keys for any one, but now you find your jeep keys, but you're sitting in your sedan and you need to get groceries, so should you go have fun off-roading since you found these keys, or do you go back in the house to get the keys to the truck so you can haul what you need to haul today and get the job done? The sun's starting to set and you still haven't gotten the groceries.

And now having written all that and starting to go back in circles, my brain is starting to go in circles too, and it's late and I need sleep. But I probably have like 30 other follow up questions to ask on this one facet alone.

I hope this post made sense and you got some value out of it, because I'm not going back and editing it anytime soon.

 

[sparechange]

Remember the desert of desertion... you will get that sale soon, make some posts on Facebook, Instagram, upload a Youtube video, get the word out!

Hope you sell out of inventory this coming month!