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Value/Post Ratio
170%
- Jun 22, 2018
- 348
- 590
Long story short, I started studying CS this year (after having dropped out from economics) and initially I was very excited. My vision was clear.
However, 3-4 weeks ago the decline has begun. I started feeling less and less enthusiastic and realized that 85% of the things I was studying didn't really seem to match my vision.
I live in Italy and I'm studying in a small city. This is making the whole thing worse. I have no friends here, no networking whatsoever. I read a lot about people saying "the big value of university is networking", well, that sucks cause not only am I not learning anything special, but the whole networking thing doesn't really exist here.
Since my goal was entrepreneurship, I'm really starting to wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life. I'm spinning my wheels like hell. I got into university because my parents wanted me to go and for some reason, I didn't question myself whether that was the best thing FOR ME. It's turning out it wasn't.
Maybe if I lived in some big, developed country/city it would be a different thing. I could be meeting ambitious people with whom to start some business one day. But here all I can see are kids who play League of Legends and nothing else. I guess the Pareto principle is right, you won't find successful people in shitholes. They all run away from there and try to reach places where other successful people are segregated. And that's probably what I'm trying to do now after a year and a half wasted in uni in a shitty country.
I recently remembered how as a kid I used to learn things out of curiosity, and not because I was forced to learn them. The term polymath really resonated with me. I started programming as a kid at 9 years old (nothing serious, but still). Then I hopped into graphic design at 14 and from there on I got interested in SEO, copywriting, and all sort of stuff heavily discussed on here.
I feel like university is really killing that part of me. I love learning stuff when I actually have a problem to solve IN FRONT OF ME. I hate, on the other hand, studying stuff of which I can't seem to see the value in the present moment. I like learning things step by step as they come up. I feel like university is really killing this instinctive part of me, and not only do I feel mentally ill, I also lost my productivity. I feel like a slave. It's like "do these assignments, study 30 pages of theory, go to sleep, repeat".
I'm feeling lost. Very lost. I believe university kills the polymath in me. I stopped getting curious about things because I stopped BUILDING things and trying new stuff. It's when I'm building stuff that I'm happy the most. It's when I want to understand how something works and replicate it, that I feel alive. On the other hand, the whole university teaching system really FEELS wrong to me. I can't even describe it but it really feels anti-natural. I feel like this isn't how humans are supposed to learn, 3 years in a F*cking classroom reading textbooks without going out in the real world and actively build things. You might say "why don't do both?". I don't know, I'm not managing to. My program is really intensive and there's little time to do everything. Not to talk about how little energy is left after studying for 5 hours.
I'm considering moving out of my parents' house and go live abroad. That means I might drop out again and get shitty jobs along the way. But honestly, not only am I not feeling productive, but my social life is also shitty here. I realized I want to live life. Unfortunately, the whole American college experience does not exist here. So I can't even say I'm having fun. None of that.
So my concern was...not only am I not being productive, but I'm also not even enjoying anything in life. How do I go about that?
I've been in grind mode for years and neglected my mental health and my basic needs (social, sexual, self-transcendency, self-reliance). Hence, my mental breakdown.
The only reason I'm still in uni is that I think I need a degree to get a decent job. And I think I need to go to university to learn stuff. Let's call them limiting beliefs, cause they surely are. And my parents keep feeding me this sort of belief so I'm also getting mad about the whole situation due to severe cognitive dissonance.
However, 3-4 weeks ago the decline has begun. I started feeling less and less enthusiastic and realized that 85% of the things I was studying didn't really seem to match my vision.
I live in Italy and I'm studying in a small city. This is making the whole thing worse. I have no friends here, no networking whatsoever. I read a lot about people saying "the big value of university is networking", well, that sucks cause not only am I not learning anything special, but the whole networking thing doesn't really exist here.
Since my goal was entrepreneurship, I'm really starting to wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life. I'm spinning my wheels like hell. I got into university because my parents wanted me to go and for some reason, I didn't question myself whether that was the best thing FOR ME. It's turning out it wasn't.
Maybe if I lived in some big, developed country/city it would be a different thing. I could be meeting ambitious people with whom to start some business one day. But here all I can see are kids who play League of Legends and nothing else. I guess the Pareto principle is right, you won't find successful people in shitholes. They all run away from there and try to reach places where other successful people are segregated. And that's probably what I'm trying to do now after a year and a half wasted in uni in a shitty country.
I recently remembered how as a kid I used to learn things out of curiosity, and not because I was forced to learn them. The term polymath really resonated with me. I started programming as a kid at 9 years old (nothing serious, but still). Then I hopped into graphic design at 14 and from there on I got interested in SEO, copywriting, and all sort of stuff heavily discussed on here.
I feel like university is really killing that part of me. I love learning stuff when I actually have a problem to solve IN FRONT OF ME. I hate, on the other hand, studying stuff of which I can't seem to see the value in the present moment. I like learning things step by step as they come up. I feel like university is really killing this instinctive part of me, and not only do I feel mentally ill, I also lost my productivity. I feel like a slave. It's like "do these assignments, study 30 pages of theory, go to sleep, repeat".
I'm feeling lost. Very lost. I believe university kills the polymath in me. I stopped getting curious about things because I stopped BUILDING things and trying new stuff. It's when I'm building stuff that I'm happy the most. It's when I want to understand how something works and replicate it, that I feel alive. On the other hand, the whole university teaching system really FEELS wrong to me. I can't even describe it but it really feels anti-natural. I feel like this isn't how humans are supposed to learn, 3 years in a F*cking classroom reading textbooks without going out in the real world and actively build things. You might say "why don't do both?". I don't know, I'm not managing to. My program is really intensive and there's little time to do everything. Not to talk about how little energy is left after studying for 5 hours.
I'm considering moving out of my parents' house and go live abroad. That means I might drop out again and get shitty jobs along the way. But honestly, not only am I not feeling productive, but my social life is also shitty here. I realized I want to live life. Unfortunately, the whole American college experience does not exist here. So I can't even say I'm having fun. None of that.
So my concern was...not only am I not being productive, but I'm also not even enjoying anything in life. How do I go about that?
I've been in grind mode for years and neglected my mental health and my basic needs (social, sexual, self-transcendency, self-reliance). Hence, my mental breakdown.
The only reason I'm still in uni is that I think I need a degree to get a decent job. And I think I need to go to university to learn stuff. Let's call them limiting beliefs, cause they surely are. And my parents keep feeding me this sort of belief so I'm also getting mad about the whole situation due to severe cognitive dissonance.
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