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University has killed my vision

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VicFountain

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Long story short, I started studying CS this year (after having dropped out from economics) and initially I was very excited. My vision was clear.
However, 3-4 weeks ago the decline has begun. I started feeling less and less enthusiastic and realized that 85% of the things I was studying didn't really seem to match my vision.

I live in Italy and I'm studying in a small city. This is making the whole thing worse. I have no friends here, no networking whatsoever. I read a lot about people saying "the big value of university is networking", well, that sucks cause not only am I not learning anything special, but the whole networking thing doesn't really exist here.

Since my goal was entrepreneurship, I'm really starting to wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life. I'm spinning my wheels like hell. I got into university because my parents wanted me to go and for some reason, I didn't question myself whether that was the best thing FOR ME. It's turning out it wasn't.

Maybe if I lived in some big, developed country/city it would be a different thing. I could be meeting ambitious people with whom to start some business one day. But here all I can see are kids who play League of Legends and nothing else. I guess the Pareto principle is right, you won't find successful people in shitholes. They all run away from there and try to reach places where other successful people are segregated. And that's probably what I'm trying to do now after a year and a half wasted in uni in a shitty country.

I recently remembered how as a kid I used to learn things out of curiosity, and not because I was forced to learn them. The term polymath really resonated with me. I started programming as a kid at 9 years old (nothing serious, but still). Then I hopped into graphic design at 14 and from there on I got interested in SEO, copywriting, and all sort of stuff heavily discussed on here.

I feel like university is really killing that part of me. I love learning stuff when I actually have a problem to solve IN FRONT OF ME. I hate, on the other hand, studying stuff of which I can't seem to see the value in the present moment. I like learning things step by step as they come up. I feel like university is really killing this instinctive part of me, and not only do I feel mentally ill, I also lost my productivity. I feel like a slave. It's like "do these assignments, study 30 pages of theory, go to sleep, repeat".

I'm feeling lost. Very lost. I believe university kills the polymath in me. I stopped getting curious about things because I stopped BUILDING things and trying new stuff. It's when I'm building stuff that I'm happy the most. It's when I want to understand how something works and replicate it, that I feel alive. On the other hand, the whole university teaching system really FEELS wrong to me. I can't even describe it but it really feels anti-natural. I feel like this isn't how humans are supposed to learn, 3 years in a f*cking classroom reading textbooks without going out in the real world and actively build things. You might say "why don't do both?". I don't know, I'm not managing to. My program is really intensive and there's little time to do everything. Not to talk about how little energy is left after studying for 5 hours.

I'm considering moving out of my parents' house and go live abroad. That means I might drop out again and get shitty jobs along the way. But honestly, not only am I not feeling productive, but my social life is also shitty here. I realized I want to live life. Unfortunately, the whole American college experience does not exist here. So I can't even say I'm having fun. None of that.

So my concern was...not only am I not being productive, but I'm also not even enjoying anything in life. How do I go about that?

I've been in grind mode for years and neglected my mental health and my basic needs (social, sexual, self-transcendency, self-reliance). Hence, my mental breakdown.

The only reason I'm still in uni is that I think I need a degree to get a decent job. And I think I need to go to university to learn stuff. Let's call them limiting beliefs, cause they surely are. And my parents keep feeding me this sort of belief so I'm also getting mad about the whole situation due to severe cognitive dissonance.
 

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Tom H.

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You do not need a degree to get a job programming. If you're an autodidact and a polymath, then you might but belong in school. Maybe if you want a job that really does require accreditation... but software is not one of those fields. You'd be better off spending four years contributing to high profile open source projects and networking that way.
 

Kal-El1998

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SEO and copywriting are definitely good things to get into! So is lead generation. I really feel ya about the college situation...I just recently graduated with a CS degree myself and it feels totally useless. I started reading the fastlane to millionaire a while ago and it really opened my eyes as I guess it has for you too. Things will get brighter my guy! Hey if you're interested...check out ippei kanehara on google. His blog helped me get jump started with lead gen.
 

VicFountain

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You do not need a degree to get a job programming. If you're an autodidact and a polymath, then you might but belong in school. Maybe if you want a job that really does require accreditation... but software is not one of those fields. You'd be better off spending four years contributing to high profile open source projects and networking that way.
That's the point. For some reason, I came to believe that I need a degree at all costs. But honestly, I'm quite sure I'd learn more on my own than through university. That's simply how I had learned everything in the past.

The fact that there are people who get jobs without degrees should be enough proof for me to have so I can go on with my life. That doesn't mean I don't like working hard. I love working hard when I have a vision and when I know what I'm doing. University to me really feels like being an 80-year-old man with disabilities using crutches.

It's a way slower system of learning and honestly, it goes against the very nature of learning which is evolutional (trial and error) and practical.

And honestly, I don't want to come up as lazy or anything. I used to program 11 hours a day last summer because I knew what I wanted and I knew what the outcome would have been.

I just feel like I'm going against nature. I can't explain it. I hope somebody else relates to what I'm saying.
 

Kal-El1998

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I understand what you're saying. Trial and error really is the best, and often fastest way to learn. One of the biggest issues we have in the education system is that they teach us that failure is bad. And to an extent...it is...but it has learning curve perks. Ultimately, this creates people who are risk averse and boxed in thinkers.
 

trylks

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Not to talk about how little energy is left after studying for 5 hours.
Entrepreneurship is not easy. You have to work smart. Consider your current situation a training on that. You have a problem in front of you that is achieving the same results but in only 1 hour.

Have you ever seen a mention on 10x developers? Be a 10x you.
 

VicFountain

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Entrepreneurship is not easy. You have to work smart. Consider your current situation a training on that. You have a problem in front of you that is achieving the same results but in only 1 hour.

Have you ever seen a mention on 10x developers? Be a 10x you.
Never heard of 10x developers...let me check that out.

Honestly, thinking with clarity about my situation, I think my problem is a lack of balance in all the facets of my life. I don't think it's a problem of working harder. When I know what I'm fighting for, I don't mind working harder and pass out. So perhaps my problem is a mindset problem.
 

Kid

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Hi Vic,

Sorry to hear your troubles.

You've wrote that you want to feel/be productive.
I'm not sure if your situation is the same but i had my 18 hours in front of screen days,
thinking that i will make it if i will go full into it.
It was just thinking.
Reality was that i was most effective after i watched a movie/video somewhere.
Totally different from what i was thinking at that time.
Your situation is similar to what i've been through so that's why i write.
Giving advice is something i shouldn't do (according to scientists),
but i'll give one:
Get something fun to do.
 

Tom H.

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@VicFountain you started programming as a kid and you say you were spending all day programming on your own. You're probably a "real" programmer, even if you suck because of inexperience, you're likely miles ahead of everyone who just learns programming in school to get a job.

Just speaking from my own experience. I am a self-taught programmer, now with years of professional experience, without any college degree. I've seen the kind of code most college grads write... I've worked in corporate code bases... What do you actually think you're going to learn in school? Very little that pertains to real world software engineering. Just read Code Complete, read John Ousterhout's book, and just start applying for some freelance gigs and see how you do.

Better to work for $5/hour on a real world project then to pay money to do fake projects at university. Soon you'll be charging 10x that rate, and you'll get a full time job if you want one. You'll have much more valuable experience and capital to put into a Fastlane business.
 

VicFountain

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Hi Vic,

Sorry to hear your troubles.

You've wrote that you want to feel/be productive.
I'm not sure if your situation is the same but i had my 18 hours in front of screen days,
thinking that i will make it if i will go full into it.
It was just thinking.
Reality was that i was most effective after i watched a movie/video somewhere.
Totally different from what i was thinking at that time.
Your situation is similar to what i've been through so that's why i write.
Giving advice is something i shouldn't do (according to scientists),
but i'll give one:
Get something fun to do.

Thanks, this is exactly what I need. I think I haven't relaxed a bit in months lol
I've been always questioning myself "is this activity productive?", and if the answer was no, I always told myself "then you shouldn't do that". But after almost 2 years following this strategy, this is where I've got. I think balance is really necessary.
@VicFountain you started programming as a kid and you say you were spending all day programming on your own. You're probably a "real" programmer, even if you suck because of inexperience, you're likely miles ahead of everyone who just learns programming in school to get a job.

Just speaking from my own experience. I am a self-taught programmer, now with years of professional experience, without any college degree. I've seen the kind of code most college grads write... I've worked in corporate code bases... What do you actually think you're going to learn in school? Very little that pertains to real world software engineering. Just read Code Complete, read John Ousterhout's book, and just start applying for some freelance gigs and see how you do.

Better to work for $5/hour on a real world project then to pay money to do fake projects at university. Soon you'll be charging 10x that rate, and you'll get a full time job if you want one. You'll have much more valuable experience and capital to put into a Fastlane business.
Thanks for this. I agree...we've done some JavaScript exercises in a class and I've seen some horrendous code by other people. I'm not saying it to belittle them, just saying that they won't get good unless they practice by THEMSELVES. There's this misconception that you can learn coding simply by following lectures and study theory. That's not how it works.

The sad thing is we won't study web development until the 3rd year...like really? Do I really need to wait 3 years to learn how to create a website? Lol. I'd rather do it my way at that point.

I'll check the books, thanks!
 

JordanK

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Are you sure that you aren't just feeling terrible as most of college is online at this present moment and there aren't many social events on.

You have started this year so stick with it until May and keep getting good results. You can take time over the summer to evaluate if this is the right path but from my own personal experience (2 years CS, dropped out halfway through 3rd year as biz was going amazing, biz still going good after 2 years but not as time intensive during covid so I signed up for online Year3 of Cyber Security) you should finish out the year at the very least if you have already gone this far.

Start looking immediately to get some sort of bar/restaurant job that can work around your college times (the evening). It's not going to be easy but you'll have a little bit of cash in your pocket so you can afford to do cool stuff and you'll meet people of similar ages who you can hang out with. These type jobs also force you to become a sociable (people person) which is a crucial trait in business. One that you might be lacking a bit at , as you confessed.

The next part of the transition is to then rent a room in a house/apartment with a few of your newfound buddies in a good part of the city. I think by taking on more responsibility for yourself you will find more meaning in your life and your financial pursuits. Being a businessman is ***king hard as shit! Everyday you get punched in the face by problems that you got to solve. It's not easy and you have to do things you don't like sometimes to reach an end goal. Building grit!

Hang in there man!
 

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ZF Lee

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I feel like university is really killing that part of me. I love learning stuff when I actually have a problem to solve IN FRONT OF ME. I hate, on the other hand, studying stuff of which I can't seem to see the value in the present moment. I like learning things step by step as they come up. I feel like university is really killing this instinctive part of me, and not only do I feel mentally ill, I also lost my productivity. I feel like a slave. It's like "do these assignments, study 30 pages of theory, go to sleep, repeat".

I'm feeling lost. Very lost. I believe university kills the polymath in me. I stopped getting curious about things because I stopped BUILDING things and trying new stuff. It's when I'm building stuff that I'm happy the most. It's when I want to understand how something works and replicate it, that I feel alive. On the other hand, the whole university teaching system really FEELS wrong to me. I can't even describe it but it really feels anti-natural. I feel like this isn't how humans are supposed to learn, 3 years in a f*cking classroom reading textbooks without going out in the real world and actively build things. You might say "why don't do both?". I don't know, I'm not managing to. My program is really intensive and there's little time to do everything. Not to talk about how little energy is left after studying for 5 hours.
I'm just wrapping up with my final semester for Finance and Business Analytics majors, and yes...I felt this 'death' eating me many a time.

Yet, even with a Double Major, it's still possible to do a side business or freelance along the way, as long you don't have any time-consuming side addictions or negative habits like porn or drugs.

I'm sure your professors would LOVE to discuss deeper on materials outside the textbook, as long as you ask great questions and show that you do extra research for your assignments or papers. I've had a tutor for my capstone project, who turned a business from failure to profit in a few years as a consultant...so meetings with him were always content-full.

But I can't blame profs for sticking to a rigid syllabus and textbook.

I'm sure most of them, the good profs, do want to teach lots, but somehow our college peers and job-seekers only expect to do what is needed to pass papers, get certified and move on to a job.

In my group assignments, I fought my peers so much to have them do extra research, critical thinking or discussions that are also relevant for entrepreneurship...but they start hum and hawing and slipping up with body language that screams, 'WTF are you working us so hard?! I just wanna do enough to pass and go live my life!'

As such, the profs have to structure their courses to teach a rigid syllabus, give out tests and grade the folks according to what they spit out.

So, here's what you can do:
1. If you want to continue studying, try to keep it down to 2-3 hours.
5 hours is a lot, even if you had several assignments to finish.

Study for half an hour, take a 5-10 min break, then come back and study.

2. Write down 3 interesting questions on the theories you learned for the week.
Preferably they should be related to real industry application.
And then go for consultation hours with these queries to chat with the prof.

For example, for my Finance degree, I was studying bank treasuries, and how they are used to reduce interest rate risk and other dangers.

I thought to myself, 'Is there a way that bank treasuries could be used in regular businesses?'

So I went to chat with my lecturer...and he talked about corporate treasuries...where companies who do lots of international trade need to preserve the value of their income that could be decimated by foreign exchange conversions anytime.

So, on a Fastlane perspective, you could build a consultancy out of helping corporations to structure treasury systems, or even a software to help tally the costs and spreads more efficiently.

Mind that this is a very basic practice to keep your head alive, even as academia tries to mind-numb you.

The others have already chimed in on building your own programming skills, selling them and even finding side jobs.

The only reason I'm still in uni is that I think I need a degree to get a decent job. And I think I need to go to university to learn stuff. Let's call them limiting beliefs, cause they surely are. And my parents keep feeding me this sort of belief so I'm also getting mad about the whole situation due to severe cognitive dissonance.
Here, in my country, for managerial or executive jobs, a degree is needed.
After all, a degree cert is a form of solid evidence that you can learn things-which managers in the workplace should be able to.

Yet, I can rant forever on how I've met third-year students who don't even know what trends like Internet-of-Things are!

So the real question is what kind of industry you want to do well in, to build a good business in.
And then work backwards to see what kind of job you can pick up, and then learn from there.
Chances are, it won't always need a degree.

Even for my two fields of study, Finance and Business Analytics, they have job routes that don't necessarily need degrees.


Thanks for this. I agree...we've done some JavaScript exercises in a class and I've seen some horrendous code by other people. I'm not saying it to belittle them, just saying that they won't get good unless they practice by THEMSELVES. There's this misconception that you can learn coding simply by following lectures and study theory. That's not how it works.

The sad thing is we won't study web development until the 3rd year...like really? Do I really need to wait 3 years to learn how to create a website? Lol. I'd rather do it my way at that point.
Same for myself...

I didn't even start any data science work until 2nd year...when I could actually start out of the gate on DataCamp! The first semesters were spent on teaching the folks Excel (i.e. doing pivot tables and linear programming by GOALSEEK)...which could have been learned in high school!

So much for education...
 

WJK

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I'm just wrapping up with my final semester for Finance and Business Analytics majors, and yes...I felt this 'death' eating me many a time.

Yet, even with a Double Major, it's still possible to do a side business or freelance along the way, as long you don't have any time-consuming side addictions or negative habits like porn or drugs.

I'm sure your professors would LOVE to discuss deeper on materials outside the textbook, as long as you ask great questions and show that you do extra research for your assignments or papers. I've had a tutor for my capstone project, who turned a business from failure to profit in a few years as a consultant...so meetings with him were always content-full.

But I can't blame profs for sticking to a rigid syllabus and textbook.

I'm sure most of them, the good profs, do want to teach lots, but somehow our college peers and job-seekers only expect to do what is needed to pass papers, get certified and move on to a job.

In my group assignments, I fought my peers so much to have them do extra research, critical thinking or discussions that are also relevant for entrepreneurship...but they start hum and hawing and slipping up with body language that screams, 'WTF are you working us so hard?! I just wanna do enough to pass and go live my life!'

As such, the profs have to structure their courses to teach a rigid syllabus, give out tests and grade the folks according to what they spit out.

So, here's what you can do:
1. If you want to continue studying, try to keep it down to 2-3 hours.
5 hours is a lot, even if you had several assignments to finish.

Study for half an hour, take a 5-10 min break, then come back and study.

2. Write down 3 interesting questions on the theories you learned for the week.
Preferably they should be related to real industry application.
And then go for consultation hours with these queries to chat with the prof.

For example, for my Finance degree, I was studying bank treasuries, and how they are used to reduce interest rate risk and other dangers.

I thought to myself, 'Is there a way that bank treasuries could be used in regular businesses?'

So I went to chat with my lecturer...and he talked about corporate treasuries...where companies who do lots of international trade need to preserve the value of their income that could be decimated by foreign exchange conversions anytime.

So, on a Fastlane perspective, you could build a consultancy out of helping corporations to structure treasury systems, or even a software to help tally the costs and spreads more efficiently.

Mind that this is a very basic practice to keep your head alive, even as academia tries to mind-numb you.

The others have already chimed in on building your own programming skills, selling them and even finding side jobs.


Here, in my country, for managerial or executive jobs, a degree is needed.
After all, a degree cert is a form of solid evidence that you can learn things-which managers in the workplace should be able to.

Yet, I can rant forever on how I've met third-year students who don't even know what trends like Internet-of-Things are!

So the real question is what kind of industry you want to do well in, to build a good business in.
And then work backwards to see what kind of job you can pick up, and then learn from there.
Chances are, it won't always need a degree.

Even for my two fields of study, Finance and Business Analytics, they have job routes that don't necessarily need degrees.



Same for myself...

I didn't even start any data science work until 2nd year...when I could actually start out of the gate on DataCamp! The first semesters were spent on teaching the folks Excel (i.e. doing pivot tables and linear programming by GOALSEEK)...which could have been learned in high school!

So much for education...
You're in the perfect place to get a stellar education. I know, I know, the classes are deadening. That's not where the education is. Make friends with the professors. Bring them your questions and your side projects.

I went to Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising when I was around your age. The other students at that college got a standard education. I got a great one. My professors took me under their wings and they nurtured me. I did more side projects than class projects. A lot of my side projects ended up counting as class projects with the blessings of those kind people. And they helped me find jobs later among their friends in the industry.

I ended up in the real estate business for my main career, but I still use that long ago business education every day. ( I have earned other college degrees since then including my post grad work). But, that business knowledge base gave me a jumping off point for my adult life.
 

Onakosa

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My ten-pence worth:

You don't **need** to be in university when you're young. In some ways, it's probably the worst time to do it unless you have a very clear goal e.g. you want to be a doctor so you need a degree in medicine. The most successful grads I have ever met went to university a few years later (mid/late-20s) when they'd figured out what they really wanted to know, and were in a position to take full advantage of what was on offer. The rest - and I include myself in this - tend to sit around drinking, questioning their purpose in life, protesting about random stuff, and completely unappreciating what they've got access to.

Most tutors and lecturers have never done anything than other than pass exams and be tutors and lecturers. They can't inspire because they're not inspired themselves, and being university educators isn't normally what they set out to do in the first place. (That's where school teachers are different, most school teachers actually did want to be school teachers!)

My advice - I get that it's the second time you've done this, but if you're not inspired take some time out. You're wasting your time and money if you're not into it.

Go work at a start-up, have a go at setting up a very small business, heck - go work in a bar and talk to people! Live with your parents, get some capital behind you. There's a reason most of the big entrepreneurs started when they were very young. Trust me, it's a much bigger deal to contemplate trying and failing when you have £££££ of student debt behind you. University isn't going anywhere. Wait until the time is right and you know what you really want.

Good luck :)
 

ZF Lee

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I went to Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising when I was around your age. The other students at that college got a standard education. I got a great one. My professors took me under their wings and they nurtured me. I did more side projects than class projects. A lot of my side projects ended up counting as class projects with the blessings of those kind people. And they helped me find jobs later among their friends in the industry.
I'm not sure if colleges have started to do this, but my university started introducing units that allowed you to take on business projects, in exchange for credits.

Last semester, I took an Experiential Learning unit, where I had to discuss with my tutor on a regular basis about my freelancing work, documenting the steps and my client case studies, and the writing my reflections on lessons learned. It was a really productive way of learning, and actually motivates you to put out more effort a lot easier than regular mind-numbing classes.

I think this 'apply and reflect' approach of learning could apply to STEM subjects...but it'll take time for this idea to spread to other schools and hopefully patch up the weaknesses of academia.
 

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Long story short, I started studying CS this year (after having dropped out from economics) and initially I was very excited. My vision was clear.
However, 3-4 weeks ago the decline has begun. I started feeling less and less enthusiastic and realized that 85% of the things I was studying didn't really seem to match my vision.

I live in Italy and I'm studying in a small city. This is making the whole thing worse. I have no friends here, no networking whatsoever. I read a lot about people saying "the big value of university is networking", well, that sucks cause not only am I not learning anything special, but the whole networking thing doesn't really exist here.

Since my goal was entrepreneurship, I'm really starting to wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life. I'm spinning my wheels like hell. I got into university because my parents wanted me to go and for some reason, I didn't question myself whether that was the best thing FOR ME. It's turning out it wasn't.

Maybe if I lived in some big, developed country/city it would be a different thing. I could be meeting ambitious people with whom to start some business one day. But here all I can see are kids who play League of Legends and nothing else. I guess the Pareto principle is right, you won't find successful people in shitholes. They all run away from there and try to reach places where other successful people are segregated. And that's probably what I'm trying to do now after a year and a half wasted in uni in a shitty country.

I recently remembered how as a kid I used to learn things out of curiosity, and not because I was forced to learn them. The term polymath really resonated with me. I started programming as a kid at 9 years old (nothing serious, but still). Then I hopped into graphic design at 14 and from there on I got interested in SEO, copywriting, and all sort of stuff heavily discussed on here.

I feel like university is really killing that part of me. I love learning stuff when I actually have a problem to solve IN FRONT OF ME. I hate, on the other hand, studying stuff of which I can't seem to see the value in the present moment. I like learning things step by step as they come up. I feel like university is really killing this instinctive part of me, and not only do I feel mentally ill, I also lost my productivity. I feel like a slave. It's like "do these assignments, study 30 pages of theory, go to sleep, repeat".

I'm feeling lost. Very lost. I believe university kills the polymath in me. I stopped getting curious about things because I stopped BUILDING things and trying new stuff. It's when I'm building stuff that I'm happy the most. It's when I want to understand how something works and replicate it, that I feel alive. On the other hand, the whole university teaching system really FEELS wrong to me. I can't even describe it but it really feels anti-natural. I feel like this isn't how humans are supposed to learn, 3 years in a f*cking classroom reading textbooks without going out in the real world and actively build things. You might say "why don't do both?". I don't know, I'm not managing to. My program is really intensive and there's little time to do everything. Not to talk about how little energy is left after studying for 5 hours.

I'm considering moving out of my parents' house and go live abroad. That means I might drop out again and get shitty jobs along the way. But honestly, not only am I not feeling productive, but my social life is also shitty here. I realized I want to live life. Unfortunately, the whole American college experience does not exist here. So I can't even say I'm having fun. None of that.

So my concern was...not only am I not being productive, but I'm also not even enjoying anything in life. How do I go about that?

I've been in grind mode for years and neglected my mental health and my basic needs (social, sexual, self-transcendency, self-reliance). Hence, my mental breakdown.

The only reason I'm still in uni is that I think I need a degree to get a decent job. And I think I need to go to university to learn stuff. Let's call them limiting beliefs, cause they surely are. And my parents keep feeding me this sort of belief so I'm also getting mad about the whole situation due to severe cognitive dissonance.
It seems that you put a lot of hopes on changing your environment will make a big difference.

Frankly I am very skeptical on that belief. Like all of a suddenly if you managed to drop out of school and end up in silicon valley life will be wonderful.

It is like football if you cannot win at home you will have more problem playing away. Italy is going to the market you understand the most if you really want to do a business. And frankly Italy isn’t backwater.

I think in life you have to prove yourself upwards because that is how opportunities come. Once you can handle your school work you will have more free time on business. Once you have a business with a little bit of result I am sure you can find help here or from any local business community. When you have more money and if your business is not location based you can think about moving. When your life is fantastic your social life will come because people want to hang out with winner...

I am afraid that there is no short cut in building your own results and resources. Once you have more results and resources attention and opportunities will come and you can further leverage on them.
 

alexkuzmov

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Long story short, I started studying CS this year (after having dropped out from economics) and initially I was very excited. My vision was clear.
However, 3-4 weeks ago the decline has begun. I started feeling less and less enthusiastic and realized that 85% of the things I was studying didn't really seem to match my vision.

I live in Italy and I'm studying in a small city. This is making the whole thing worse. I have no friends here, no networking whatsoever. I read a lot about people saying "the big value of university is networking", well, that sucks cause not only am I not learning anything special, but the whole networking thing doesn't really exist here.

Since my goal was entrepreneurship, I'm really starting to wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life. I'm spinning my wheels like hell. I got into university because my parents wanted me to go and for some reason, I didn't question myself whether that was the best thing FOR ME. It's turning out it wasn't.

Maybe if I lived in some big, developed country/city it would be a different thing. I could be meeting ambitious people with whom to start some business one day. But here all I can see are kids who play League of Legends and nothing else. I guess the Pareto principle is right, you won't find successful people in shitholes. They all run away from there and try to reach places where other successful people are segregated. And that's probably what I'm trying to do now after a year and a half wasted in uni in a shitty country.

I recently remembered how as a kid I used to learn things out of curiosity, and not because I was forced to learn them. The term polymath really resonated with me. I started programming as a kid at 9 years old (nothing serious, but still). Then I hopped into graphic design at 14 and from there on I got interested in SEO, copywriting, and all sort of stuff heavily discussed on here.

I feel like university is really killing that part of me. I love learning stuff when I actually have a problem to solve IN FRONT OF ME. I hate, on the other hand, studying stuff of which I can't seem to see the value in the present moment. I like learning things step by step as they come up. I feel like university is really killing this instinctive part of me, and not only do I feel mentally ill, I also lost my productivity. I feel like a slave. It's like "do these assignments, study 30 pages of theory, go to sleep, repeat".

I'm feeling lost. Very lost. I believe university kills the polymath in me. I stopped getting curious about things because I stopped BUILDING things and trying new stuff. It's when I'm building stuff that I'm happy the most. It's when I want to understand how something works and replicate it, that I feel alive. On the other hand, the whole university teaching system really FEELS wrong to me. I can't even describe it but it really feels anti-natural. I feel like this isn't how humans are supposed to learn, 3 years in a f*cking classroom reading textbooks without going out in the real world and actively build things. You might say "why don't do both?". I don't know, I'm not managing to. My program is really intensive and there's little time to do everything. Not to talk about how little energy is left after studying for 5 hours.

I'm considering moving out of my parents' house and go live abroad. That means I might drop out again and get shitty jobs along the way. But honestly, not only am I not feeling productive, but my social life is also shitty here. I realized I want to live life. Unfortunately, the whole American college experience does not exist here. So I can't even say I'm having fun. None of that.

So my concern was...not only am I not being productive, but I'm also not even enjoying anything in life. How do I go about that?

I've been in grind mode for years and neglected my mental health and my basic needs (social, sexual, self-transcendency, self-reliance). Hence, my mental breakdown.

The only reason I'm still in uni is that I think I need a degree to get a decent job. And I think I need to go to university to learn stuff. Let's call them limiting beliefs, cause they surely are. And my parents keep feeding me this sort of belief so I'm also getting mad about the whole situation due to severe cognitive dissonance.
What I hear you say is that the water is boiling.
So time to turn into an egg or a carrot.
Time to be a man.

You need to take ownership of your life and your choices.
You are where you are because you chose.
What are your goals?
Will staying in uni help you reach them?
Why are you still living with your parents? Are you scared of independence or loneliness?
Yea, you might go without comforts for years, freedom(of choice) is not easy.

Here are a few tips/steps to find your way back to creativity.
You must do them one at a time so you dont get overwhelmed and you dont lose focus.
- work on your fitness and health, a strong body makes EVERYTHING easier in life
- tidy up everyday, your bed, your belongings, tools, notes, clothes, shoes, what have you, make a routine out of it, keep everything in order(difficult if you have kids, but I`m assuming you dont have kids right now)
- make a point of going out everyday, take an interest in people, the more you talk the easier socializing gets
- help someone with something
 

mon_fi

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Are you sure that you aren't just feeling terrible as most of college is online at this present moment and there aren't many social events on.

You have started this year so stick with it until May and keep getting good results. You can take time over the summer to evaluate if this is the right path but from my own personal experience (2 years CS, dropped out halfway through 3rd year as biz was going amazing, biz still going good after 2 years but not as time intensive during covid so I signed up for online Year3 of Cyber Security) you should finish out the year at the very least if you have already gone this far.

Start looking immediately to get some sort of bar/restaurant job that can work around your college times (the evening). It's not going to be easy but you'll have a little bit of cash in your pocket so you can afford to do cool stuff and you'll meet people of similar ages who you can hang out with. These type jobs also force you to become a sociable (people person) which is a crucial trait in business. One that you might be lacking a bit at , as you confessed.

The next part of the transition is to then rent a room in a house/apartment with a few of your newfound buddies in a good part of the city. I think by taking on more responsibility for yourself you will find more meaning in your life and your financial pursuits. Being a businessman is ***king hard as shit! Everyday you get punched in the face by problems that you got to solve. It's not easy and you have to do things you don't like sometimes to reach an end goal. Building grit!

Hang in there man!
Amen!
 

VicFountain

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It seems that you put a lot of hopes on changing your environment will make a big difference.
Why are you still living with your parents? Are you scared of independence or loneliness?
Something I forgot to mention, of relevant importance, is that I have narcissistic parents. I found this out recently and I realized they did everything to keep me dependent on them and to avoid my personal growth. Blaming others isn't good, but this is just the truth. If you are thinking "they just love you!", think again.

I hate Italy because it reminds me of my parents. I moved once already in a city 700km's from my hometown and my mother stalked me even there. She contacted my roommate (without telling ME anything) and came to my new rented apartment and started moving my stuff and doing all sorts of things.

So yes, moving abroad will do wonders for me and I know this because when I went abroad for 2 weeks on a solo trip I never felt better in my life. It was some unique feeling of being FREE. Honestly, only children of narcissistic parents can understand this.

That's why I'm 95% sure I'll move abroad by the end of next year. I do this for my mental health and for my personal growth. I've been dealing with a sort of PTSD (not diagnosed but experiencing the symptoms) and honestly, I'd rather be mentally healthy and happy (I don't even know what happiness is, honestly), than lose a few years behind the rat race.

I still thought of studying abroad, but as @Onakosa said, I'm honestly in no position to know exactly what I want in life right now. I feel like I need to experience more out of life, even if that means getting shitty jobs. My ego is big right now and that's a sign I should probably do this. This might sound stupid, but honestly, I feel like an adult kid despite being 21 years old. There are many things I never did in life and I feel like I need to cover these basic psych needs first.

I like coding, but as I said, the environment is killing me. Honestly, if I studied abroad, that would make a difference. But I also think I need to experience more out of life, removing my limiting beliefs (I have many). I want to know what it's like to have a job (never had one even though I made some freelance money at 14 by sitting behind my computer). A part of me knows that I can do it without a degree, but for some reason, I'm still deeply immersed into this almost fake reality where university is "the" path, the only path. Isn't that the whole #script?
 

Kevin88660

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Something I forgot to mention, of relevant importance, is that I have narcissistic parents. I found this out recently and I realized they did everything to keep me dependent on them and to avoid my personal growth. Blaming others isn't good, but this is just the truth. If you are thinking "they just love you!", think again.

I hate Italy because it reminds me of my parents. I moved once already in a city 700km's from my hometown and my mother stalked me even there. She contacted my roommate (without telling ME anything) and came to my new rented apartment and started moving my stuff and doing all sorts of things.

So yes, moving abroad will do wonders for me and I know this because when I went abroad for 2 weeks on a solo trip I never felt better in my life. It was some unique feeling of being FREE. Honestly, only children of narcissistic parents can understand this.

That's why I'm 95% sure I'll move abroad by the end of next year. I do this for my mental health and for my personal growth. I've been dealing with a sort of PTSD (not diagnosed but experiencing the symptoms) and honestly, I'd rather be mentally healthy and happy (I don't even know what happiness is, honestly), than lose a few years behind the rat race.

I still thought of studying abroad, but as @Onakosa said, I'm honestly in no position to know exactly what I want in life right now. I feel like I need to experience more out of life, even if that means getting shitty jobs. My ego is big right now and that's a sign I should probably do this. This might sound stupid, but honestly, I feel like an adult kid despite being 21 years old. There are many things I never did in life and I feel like I need to cover these basic psych needs first.

I like coding, but as I said, the environment is killing me. Honestly, if I studied abroad, that would make a difference. But I also think I need to experience more out of life, removing my limiting beliefs (I have many). I want to know what it's like to have a job (never had one even though I made some freelance money at 14 by sitting behind my computer). A part of me knows that I can do it without a degree, but for some reason, I'm still deeply immersed into this almost fake reality where university is "the" path, the only path. Isn't that the whole #script?
It is kind of the chicken and egg problem. You believe that you wont have growth until you choose where you stay and whom you live with.

But I am more inclined to see in another way is that when you have the money to call shots then you can really afford to choose. There is always an option to work part time besides your study. There is no freedom without financial independence.

As long as you control your own passport, bank account, and electronic devices...play along with your parents and save as much money as you can.
 

WJK

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Something I forgot to mention, of relevant importance, is that I have narcissistic parents. I found this out recently and I realized they did everything to keep me dependent on them and to avoid my personal growth. Blaming others isn't good, but this is just the truth. If you are thinking "they just love you!", think again.

I hate Italy because it reminds me of my parents. I moved once already in a city 700km's from my hometown and my mother stalked me even there. She contacted my roommate (without telling ME anything) and came to my new rented apartment and started moving my stuff and doing all sorts of things.

So yes, moving abroad will do wonders for me and I know this because when I went abroad for 2 weeks on a solo trip I never felt better in my life. It was some unique feeling of being FREE. Honestly, only children of narcissistic parents can understand this.

That's why I'm 95% sure I'll move abroad by the end of next year. I do this for my mental health and for my personal growth. I've been dealing with a sort of PTSD (not diagnosed but experiencing the symptoms) and honestly, I'd rather be mentally healthy and happy (I don't even know what happiness is, honestly), than lose a few years behind the rat race.

I still thought of studying abroad, but as @Onakosa said, I'm honestly in no position to know exactly what I want in life right now. I feel like I need to experience more out of life, even if that means getting shitty jobs. My ego is big right now and that's a sign I should probably do this. This might sound stupid, but honestly, I feel like an adult kid despite being 21 years old. There are many things I never did in life and I feel like I need to cover these basic psych needs first.

I like coding, but as I said, the environment is killing me. Honestly, if I studied abroad, that would make a difference. But I also think I need to experience more out of life, removing my limiting beliefs (I have many). I want to know what it's like to have a job (never had one even though I made some freelance money at 14 by sitting behind my computer). A part of me knows that I can do it without a degree, but for some reason, I'm still deeply immersed into this almost fake reality where university is "the" path, the only path. Isn't that the whole #script?
Practice where you are. Being an independent adult takes a whole set of life skills. Right now -- "you ain't got them". You can work and make money for yourself where you are. You can say no to your parents. Start with small stuff and move up from there.

Take control of your daily life one issue at time. And start with money. Studying 5 hours a day is nothing! What are you doing with the other 19 hours of your day? (How do I know that? I carried 9 grad units when I was in law school while I worked 50 to 60 hours per week -- to support me and a separate household for my elderly mother. It can be done and I was in early 40s. Yes, I'm a J.D.)

Right now, you're a acting like spoiled brat. You're must grow a backbone in order to make it out there in that mean world. Otherwise, the world will chew you up and split you out. No one out there cares about you -- except for your parents. If you do make this move, plan it carefully so you don't have to go back to your parents with your tail between your legs.
 

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VicFountain

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Jun 22, 2018
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Practice where you are. Being an independent adult takes a whole set of life skills. Right now -- "you ain't got them". You can work and make money for yourself where you are. You can say no to your parents. Start with small stuff and move up from there.

Take control of your daily life one issue at time. And start with money. Studying 5 hours a day is nothing! What are you doing with the other 19 hours of your day? (How do I know that? I carried 9 grad units when I was in law school while I worked 50 to 60 hours per week -- to support me and a separate household for my elderly mother. It can be done and I was in early 40s. Yes, I'm a J.D.)

Right now, you're a acting like spoiled brat. You're must grow a backbone in order to make it out there in that mean world. Otherwise, the world will chew you up and split you out. No one out there cares about you -- except for your parents. If you do make this move, plan it carefully so you don't have to go back to your parents with your tail between your legs.
I agree. I need some disciplined training. I've been lifting since 15 and that definitely helped to build some character. I also take cold showers every day and eat clean almost every day. But I don't know shit when it comes to making money through jobs and stuff like that.

Honestly, I'm now wasting lots of my time. When I don't have a clear objective in mind, I end up doing nothing. That's the whole talk I was discussing in my original post above. I like thriving and building things. University has somewhat made me like a robot.
It is kind of the chicken and egg problem. You believe that you wont have growth until you choose where you stay and whom you live with.

But I am more inclined to see in another way is that when you have the money to call shots then you can really afford to choose. There is always an option to work part time besides your study. There is no freedom without financial independence.

As long as you control your own passport, bank account, and electronic devices...play along with your parents and save as much money as you can.
Yeah, I surely need to do something about this and start working a job, or maybe I can try doing some gigs on Upwork even though I don't have a guaranteed salary there so the job route is probably more "secure".

I agree, as soon as I start making money I can break the financial chains established by my parents...
 

WJK

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Oct 9, 2017
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Nikiski, Alaska
I agree. I need some disciplined training. I've been lifting since 15 and that definitely helped to build some character. I also take cold showers every day and eat clean almost every day. But I don't know shit when it comes to making money through jobs and stuff like that.

Honestly, I'm now wasting lots of my time. When I don't have a clear objective in mind, I end up doing nothing. That's the whole talk I was discussing in my original post above. I like thriving and building things. University has somewhat made me like a robot.

Yeah, I surely need to do something about this and start working a job, or maybe I can try doing some gigs on Upwork even though I don't have a guaranteed salary there so the job route is probably more "secure".

I agree, as soon as I start making money I can break the financial chains established by my parents...
Your thinking...

Do the Upwork gigs. You have a guaranteed income from your parents in the meantime. Be nice and kind to your parents. Be grateful and thoughtful. Even if it's just based upon the fact that you need them right now while you're getting your act together. (I would have given just about anything to have had supportive parents when I was young, homeless, and literally hungry.)

You need to build a nest egg in order to save yourself from having to retreat when you do strikeout. Here's the challenge. Save every dime that you make from your side gigs. Save some money from what you are getting from your parents. Learn to live mean and lean.

Make the contacts you'll need when you are on your own. Gain the skills you'll need to make a living. This is a golden moment where you can put together a great life.
 

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