I am 53 years old and in transition, recently fired from a toxic corporate job. I've lived in the slow lane, and as I read the book I am rethinking my assumptions, knowing what I've done did not work in so many ways; now I know why. I am living proof that the slow lane leads to a dead end.
10 years ago I lived in a 4,000 square-foot home in a “nice†upper middle class neighborhood. My family was busy and seemed happy. I made enough money for my then wife to stay home, even able to build savings and a retirement fund.
Then 7 years ago it all started to crumble. The company I worked for lost many of its clients. I spent the next year “consulting†and bringing home only ¼ of the money I had been making the prior years. We had to tap into savings to keep up the lifestyle – 4 children from college aged to elementary school. The mortgage, the credit cards, the nice van, and all the other expenses that then seemed necessary. I cringe now to think that during that time I paid a car loan of $542/month! Yet instead of stopping, hunkering down, selling the too-large house, and otherwise facing reality, I played the optimist. Kept paying the car payment, the $1,700 mortgage, the $300/month life insurance, etc. with little income.
I just knew I would find another job paying as much as before. I justified maintaining the lifestyle “for the children.†I once again turned away from my nagging desire to start my own business.
A few months after losing my job, my wife told me she was in love with someone else; a woman. This reality led to another string of bad decisions. She insisted on staying in the house we couldn’t afford with me. Again, for the sake of the children. The whole thing pulled me down, yet eventually I landed a new corporate job, albeit at a 20% reduced salary from before. Eventually we divorced, but the sale of the house moved very slow in a depressed market. By the time it sold, I had not only drained all savings and the retirement fund, but also racked up so much debt with the IRS and credit card companies that every penny of my proceeds went to pay them off.
I think the 401(k) is at its core a scam. While I suppose there is theoretical benefit in the tax-free contributions, when I had to pull that money out early to live, I paid not only income taxes on it but also penalties. And when I couldn't pay the huge tax bill that resulted, I was again penalized with interest. So for every dollar I took out, I paid 40-45 cents on top of that in penalties, taxes, and interest. Even though it was MY money! Yet as MJ writes - it was MY fault for putting myself in the situation to have to pull that money.
There was no longer any wiggle room financially. And no family to bail me out either.
I became a renter and a nomad, moving every year for the past four years. But I also found a wonderful woman who became my new wife; she taught me and reminds me every day that money can’t buy what we have in our relationship – unwavering support, unbridled listening, patience, acceptance of our quirks, and ongoing attraction. She’s my anchor in the stormy seas of life.
The new job changed after about a year and became toxic. After almost 5 years, I was fired in February after a 60-day “warning†otherwise known as a "performance improvement plan". While I tried my hardest, it was one of those situations in which the outcome was out of my control. For whatever reason, those who controlled my destiny at the company decided I needed to be out of there. And so it was.
So here I am. A “professional†in the eyes of the working world. I'm doing what all the career advisers say - networking my a$$ off. So that I can go work for another company.
Yet I have this itch. And it's not just because I'm tired of working for others for the last 30+ years. It's because I know in my gut that I can do more than be someone's employee. That I can have a larger positive affect on lots of people. I'm not sure yet what or how, but I am constantly thinking.
My life lesson is to assume nothing about life. Don't assume that your income stream today will be the same tomorrow. Don't assume that a relationship that is working today will work tomorrow just because you've been together a long time. Don't take your family members for granted. And certainly don't assume you are somehow invincible. Live smart, treat people right, and take care of yourself first. And if you have a few years behind you as I do, learn from your mistakes. It's never too late to change.
10 years ago I lived in a 4,000 square-foot home in a “nice†upper middle class neighborhood. My family was busy and seemed happy. I made enough money for my then wife to stay home, even able to build savings and a retirement fund.
Then 7 years ago it all started to crumble. The company I worked for lost many of its clients. I spent the next year “consulting†and bringing home only ¼ of the money I had been making the prior years. We had to tap into savings to keep up the lifestyle – 4 children from college aged to elementary school. The mortgage, the credit cards, the nice van, and all the other expenses that then seemed necessary. I cringe now to think that during that time I paid a car loan of $542/month! Yet instead of stopping, hunkering down, selling the too-large house, and otherwise facing reality, I played the optimist. Kept paying the car payment, the $1,700 mortgage, the $300/month life insurance, etc. with little income.
I just knew I would find another job paying as much as before. I justified maintaining the lifestyle “for the children.†I once again turned away from my nagging desire to start my own business.
A few months after losing my job, my wife told me she was in love with someone else; a woman. This reality led to another string of bad decisions. She insisted on staying in the house we couldn’t afford with me. Again, for the sake of the children. The whole thing pulled me down, yet eventually I landed a new corporate job, albeit at a 20% reduced salary from before. Eventually we divorced, but the sale of the house moved very slow in a depressed market. By the time it sold, I had not only drained all savings and the retirement fund, but also racked up so much debt with the IRS and credit card companies that every penny of my proceeds went to pay them off.
I think the 401(k) is at its core a scam. While I suppose there is theoretical benefit in the tax-free contributions, when I had to pull that money out early to live, I paid not only income taxes on it but also penalties. And when I couldn't pay the huge tax bill that resulted, I was again penalized with interest. So for every dollar I took out, I paid 40-45 cents on top of that in penalties, taxes, and interest. Even though it was MY money! Yet as MJ writes - it was MY fault for putting myself in the situation to have to pull that money.
There was no longer any wiggle room financially. And no family to bail me out either.
I became a renter and a nomad, moving every year for the past four years. But I also found a wonderful woman who became my new wife; she taught me and reminds me every day that money can’t buy what we have in our relationship – unwavering support, unbridled listening, patience, acceptance of our quirks, and ongoing attraction. She’s my anchor in the stormy seas of life.
The new job changed after about a year and became toxic. After almost 5 years, I was fired in February after a 60-day “warning†otherwise known as a "performance improvement plan". While I tried my hardest, it was one of those situations in which the outcome was out of my control. For whatever reason, those who controlled my destiny at the company decided I needed to be out of there. And so it was.
So here I am. A “professional†in the eyes of the working world. I'm doing what all the career advisers say - networking my a$$ off. So that I can go work for another company.
Yet I have this itch. And it's not just because I'm tired of working for others for the last 30+ years. It's because I know in my gut that I can do more than be someone's employee. That I can have a larger positive affect on lots of people. I'm not sure yet what or how, but I am constantly thinking.
My life lesson is to assume nothing about life. Don't assume that your income stream today will be the same tomorrow. Don't assume that a relationship that is working today will work tomorrow just because you've been together a long time. Don't take your family members for granted. And certainly don't assume you are somehow invincible. Live smart, treat people right, and take care of yourself first. And if you have a few years behind you as I do, learn from your mistakes. It's never too late to change.
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