I figured it's the right moment to write it. I am not posting it in the INSIDERS forum as I hope it will help more people this way.
I also understand that someone might not trust this forum yet, to be a great tool within one's toolbox, to pay a premium to use it. As I have before.
Let's go.
I have to admit something to you. I believe in coincidence and I don't (life can be like that - contradicting itself). I read The Millionaire Fastlane somewhere in mid 2011 (June probably). I stole it from the internetz. Sorry MJ*. But also thank you! The book came to me and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Or I have been looking for it all my life. The language was right. The story. Everything in it resonated with me for some unknown reason. While I will leave the review for later... I cannot stop thinking about it, still, after all these years. It is like a 'splinter in my mind'.
*I will order at least 5-10 paper versions and give away. I am not an ordinary thief. Just an exquisite one!
But I have been struggling. STRUGGLING. A LOT.
Since then I have never really left the slowlane or got really close to the fastlane (ok, I did, in a way). But it doesn't matter. Why?
Because I think I have found what I have been looking for for all my life. I will repeat it because this is the most important thought that I wanted to share with you today.
I HAVE FOUND THE MISSING INGREDIENT IN MY LIFE, THAT HAVE MADE ME FEEL MISERABLE FOR DECADES, AND I BELIEVE IT COULD HELP YOU TOO!!!
I will spare you the 8.5 year of my life after reading TMF for the first time, and what I have or haven't done (8.5 year of struggle in one sentence - nice event, isn't it?). Ok, side note here - the 8.5 year stuggle is what led me here and why I write this so this struggle is actually the essence - the passion behind everyone's effort...
No amount of anything will help you. No business plans, slowlanes, fastlanes, coaching, mentoring, heavy lifting, powerlifting, bodybuilding, web design, SEO, AdWords, boxing, cycling, swimming, dancing, yoga, expensive suits, trips, rockets to Mars or the Moon, fast cars, slow cars, supermodels and average looking women, meditation, aggravation, relationships, marriages, children, divorces, separation, liquidation, LCCs, PLCs, gold, silver, platinum, ETFs, junk bonds, AAA bonds, USTs, EBCs, FEDs, PCs, gender equalities, Netflixes, FANGs, electric cars, hydrogen cars, no cars, all cars, Chinese, Portugues, English, Polish, Dutch, Spanish... I am out of breath.... picking up, putting down, buying, selling, borrowing, lending, high interest rates, low interest rates, inflation, deflation, stagflation, diarrhoea, obstruction (sorry for these two, and for Canadians too), wines, vodkas, whiskeys, beers, craft beers, alcohol, drugs, pills, vaccines, anti-vaccines, flat Earth, round Earth, rhomboid Earth, cube Earth, infinity and divinity, limits and everywhereness...
So...
Around September 2019 I started having migraines. While there is nothing unusual in them, I have never had them. They repeated. Once a month for a couple of days. I couldn't work. I couldn't focus. I was 'existing' on minimum. And thoughts accompanied the migraines. Some heavy and disturbing thoughts. Things from my past, present and 'future' (Ghosts of the past, present and the future?!). I didn't know what that was. I ruled out brain tumor, though my grandmother died of one before I was born, in very young age of 55...
IT WAS MY SOUL! (now I know it, as I just wrote, I hadn't known it then).
It was telling me - "Everyman, we are doing something wrong here. I don't want to hurt you, but you are hurting yourself, and everyone else around, by not being the best you can be. We need to do something. To feel free again and lead people who are not unhappy, and most of them are not *(I have numbers for that). Show them it can be different".
I have come across a lot of different 'approaches' and people. All of them successful in some way. But my quest never finished and questions never answered. How the hell did they do it? And why am I struggling so much?
There is one guy that talks about writing and this and that, but in between the lines he also mentioned that he was addicted to pornography from the early age and underwent psychotherapy, counselling, group therapy etc etc... He isn't advertising this as what he had done that allowed him to be a successful writer. What a pity! BUT... I AM!
At this moment I wanted to thank @ChrisV because you also repeat it time and time again and everywhere. It sticked to and with me!
I should probably build more momentum and go on and on and on, but I don't like these long copy letters that we all read to learn at the end this is SHIT! (it is helping me, might not help you.... I still don't believe it wouldn't help you but ideas cannot be forced onto someone, like inception, they won't stick if they aren't ours). My psychotherapist says people that go to psychotherapy are the ones needing it the least... my guess is because they are already more self-aware than anyone else... we all have similar issues and feelings.
Anyway. This was my first step (going to psychotherapy but also finding out that I need one). The revelation I am having right now and the second step. And I am writing as a man, for men. In general we have horrible relationships with our fathers and other men.... because we have bad example from the start from our fathers whose fathers had it wrong from theirs. Or they didn't have their fathers to show them because they died in one of 140561639 wars that we like to start when we are bored .... (ahh my black humour)....
The anxiety that has accompanied me since I remember (since I was 4?)... SHAME... huge SHAME...
So the key to being happy as a man is to rebuild the bond with other men. I don't know if it is the right term. *(I am not a psychotherapist or a specialist. That's why if you feel bad you should seek help from one.)
It's not the fastlane, slowlane, galaxy lane, milky way, route 66.... But I have no better words for this than a person that I started talking to in one of the men's only FB groups (Men Support Group), who is more experienced and matured than I am. Here it goes:
"I would guess that there are many men (and probably women) who would like to improve their relationships but don't know how or are afraid to. My experience with men is that "we are supposed to be able to fix things and man up". For me it was knowing other men I could open up with and exposing my vulnerabilies. I've been doing men's work with my small circle and some regional circles and it has cha dramatically how I respond in my relationships, at work and how I treat myself. I've gone so deep with these guys and shared some of my deepest fears and pain. And they have held me emotionally and physically. You'll find me often suggesting men connect with groups and trying to link men up with groups, for that reason. "
Open up to other men. The best way to start is psychotherapy because they are trained to listen and respond properly. There is a difference between talking and venting to even the bestest of all friends in the universe and talking to a SOUL specialist. Safe environment is important at the beginning. So is trust. If you don't trust your therapist, change him to another one and be upfront with it (which is tough in itself), because you won't feel safe.
It's just a tip of an iceberg here so I might continue or not but I couldn't emphasise more.
People are closer today than any time in the past, yet so alone. It's so easy to have 104385 friends on Facebook but actually no real ones and not being aware of it (when was the last time you shared with someone else some nasty little secret that makes you feel horrible?).
MEN ARE ALONE TODAY, BUT THERE IS HELP. MEN ARE THE MAIN SUICIDE VICTIMS. BECAUSE WE ARE FEELING ALONE.
Over 60-70% are pretending they are working at work (as I am now) and not being productive... And so on and on ... TBC? You decide.
Even Dolph Lundgren has been through this, and check the link below, because his story is amazing (including a 6some)...
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNOE0dZpHcY
I also understand that someone might not trust this forum yet, to be a great tool within one's toolbox, to pay a premium to use it. As I have before.
Let's go.
I have to admit something to you. I believe in coincidence and I don't (life can be like that - contradicting itself). I read The Millionaire Fastlane somewhere in mid 2011 (June probably). I stole it from the internetz. Sorry MJ*. But also thank you! The book came to me and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Or I have been looking for it all my life. The language was right. The story. Everything in it resonated with me for some unknown reason. While I will leave the review for later... I cannot stop thinking about it, still, after all these years. It is like a 'splinter in my mind'.
*I will order at least 5-10 paper versions and give away. I am not an ordinary thief. Just an exquisite one!
But I have been struggling. STRUGGLING. A LOT.
Since then I have never really left the slowlane or got really close to the fastlane (ok, I did, in a way). But it doesn't matter. Why?
Because I think I have found what I have been looking for for all my life. I will repeat it because this is the most important thought that I wanted to share with you today.
I HAVE FOUND THE MISSING INGREDIENT IN MY LIFE, THAT HAVE MADE ME FEEL MISERABLE FOR DECADES, AND I BELIEVE IT COULD HELP YOU TOO!!!
I will spare you the 8.5 year of my life after reading TMF for the first time, and what I have or haven't done (8.5 year of struggle in one sentence - nice event, isn't it?). Ok, side note here - the 8.5 year stuggle is what led me here and why I write this so this struggle is actually the essence - the passion behind everyone's effort...
No amount of anything will help you. No business plans, slowlanes, fastlanes, coaching, mentoring, heavy lifting, powerlifting, bodybuilding, web design, SEO, AdWords, boxing, cycling, swimming, dancing, yoga, expensive suits, trips, rockets to Mars or the Moon, fast cars, slow cars, supermodels and average looking women, meditation, aggravation, relationships, marriages, children, divorces, separation, liquidation, LCCs, PLCs, gold, silver, platinum, ETFs, junk bonds, AAA bonds, USTs, EBCs, FEDs, PCs, gender equalities, Netflixes, FANGs, electric cars, hydrogen cars, no cars, all cars, Chinese, Portugues, English, Polish, Dutch, Spanish... I am out of breath.... picking up, putting down, buying, selling, borrowing, lending, high interest rates, low interest rates, inflation, deflation, stagflation, diarrhoea, obstruction (sorry for these two, and for Canadians too), wines, vodkas, whiskeys, beers, craft beers, alcohol, drugs, pills, vaccines, anti-vaccines, flat Earth, round Earth, rhomboid Earth, cube Earth, infinity and divinity, limits and everywhereness...
So...
Around September 2019 I started having migraines. While there is nothing unusual in them, I have never had them. They repeated. Once a month for a couple of days. I couldn't work. I couldn't focus. I was 'existing' on minimum. And thoughts accompanied the migraines. Some heavy and disturbing thoughts. Things from my past, present and 'future' (Ghosts of the past, present and the future?!). I didn't know what that was. I ruled out brain tumor, though my grandmother died of one before I was born, in very young age of 55...
IT WAS MY SOUL! (now I know it, as I just wrote, I hadn't known it then).
It was telling me - "Everyman, we are doing something wrong here. I don't want to hurt you, but you are hurting yourself, and everyone else around, by not being the best you can be. We need to do something. To feel free again and lead people who are not unhappy, and most of them are not *(I have numbers for that). Show them it can be different".
I have come across a lot of different 'approaches' and people. All of them successful in some way. But my quest never finished and questions never answered. How the hell did they do it? And why am I struggling so much?
There is one guy that talks about writing and this and that, but in between the lines he also mentioned that he was addicted to pornography from the early age and underwent psychotherapy, counselling, group therapy etc etc... He isn't advertising this as what he had done that allowed him to be a successful writer. What a pity! BUT... I AM!
At this moment I wanted to thank @ChrisV because you also repeat it time and time again and everywhere. It sticked to and with me!
I should probably build more momentum and go on and on and on, but I don't like these long copy letters that we all read to learn at the end this is SHIT! (it is helping me, might not help you.... I still don't believe it wouldn't help you but ideas cannot be forced onto someone, like inception, they won't stick if they aren't ours). My psychotherapist says people that go to psychotherapy are the ones needing it the least... my guess is because they are already more self-aware than anyone else... we all have similar issues and feelings.
Anyway. This was my first step (going to psychotherapy but also finding out that I need one). The revelation I am having right now and the second step. And I am writing as a man, for men. In general we have horrible relationships with our fathers and other men.... because we have bad example from the start from our fathers whose fathers had it wrong from theirs. Or they didn't have their fathers to show them because they died in one of 140561639 wars that we like to start when we are bored .... (ahh my black humour)....
The anxiety that has accompanied me since I remember (since I was 4?)... SHAME... huge SHAME...
So the key to being happy as a man is to rebuild the bond with other men. I don't know if it is the right term. *(I am not a psychotherapist or a specialist. That's why if you feel bad you should seek help from one.)
It's not the fastlane, slowlane, galaxy lane, milky way, route 66.... But I have no better words for this than a person that I started talking to in one of the men's only FB groups (Men Support Group), who is more experienced and matured than I am. Here it goes:
"I would guess that there are many men (and probably women) who would like to improve their relationships but don't know how or are afraid to. My experience with men is that "we are supposed to be able to fix things and man up". For me it was knowing other men I could open up with and exposing my vulnerabilies. I've been doing men's work with my small circle and some regional circles and it has cha dramatically how I respond in my relationships, at work and how I treat myself. I've gone so deep with these guys and shared some of my deepest fears and pain. And they have held me emotionally and physically. You'll find me often suggesting men connect with groups and trying to link men up with groups, for that reason. "
Open up to other men. The best way to start is psychotherapy because they are trained to listen and respond properly. There is a difference between talking and venting to even the bestest of all friends in the universe and talking to a SOUL specialist. Safe environment is important at the beginning. So is trust. If you don't trust your therapist, change him to another one and be upfront with it (which is tough in itself), because you won't feel safe.
It's just a tip of an iceberg here so I might continue or not but I couldn't emphasise more.
People are closer today than any time in the past, yet so alone. It's so easy to have 104385 friends on Facebook but actually no real ones and not being aware of it (when was the last time you shared with someone else some nasty little secret that makes you feel horrible?).
MEN ARE ALONE TODAY, BUT THERE IS HELP. MEN ARE THE MAIN SUICIDE VICTIMS. BECAUSE WE ARE FEELING ALONE.
Over 60-70% are pretending they are working at work (as I am now) and not being productive... And so on and on ... TBC? You decide.
Even Dolph Lundgren has been through this, and check the link below, because his story is amazing (including a 6some)...
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