Dating as a Fastlaner

[mooney14]

This post is a little unorthodox for the forum, but I swear it is related. Let me explain why...

I'll start with a little about me. I'm a 32 year old female and I have two fur children (goldendoodles). I'm an engineer, I have a fairly high paying 9-5 that lets me work remotely and have decent flexibility but I still absolutely hate it, and I manage my finances fairly well (no debt or car payment, emergency fund, retirement accounts, brokerage accounts, etc. etc.). I love doing crossfit competitively, snowboarding, hiking, going to the beach, traveling frequently, reading often, and learning as much as I can (working on Spanish right now). Finally, I'm laser focused on retiring by 40. Quite the spectrum, I know

Anyway, onto the main point...

I think we (single people) can all agree that dating in 2023 is absolutely dreadful. Between dating apps and social media, we live in the age of ghosting, gaslighting, and catfishing. On top of all that, being a Fastlaner makes it even harder (in my opinion, at least). Pre-reading The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted , I definitely had my "criteria" that was I looking for in a long term relationship. You know standard stuff: have a "good" job, live a healthy & active lifestyle, not be a serial killer or a catfish or try to steal my identify. All of those things still hold true after reading both books, although now I'm almost too selective.

As I've started my Fastlane journey and I'm executing on my first idea, I've fully immersed myself in the mindset and ideology of getting out of the rat race and living on my own terms. I've found this to be somewhat challenging when dating as most people I've encountered are very much in the Slowlane and have no intentions of doing life any other way. I'm almost immediately turned off by this as I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone that just wants to work their 9-5 while I'm working on my exit strategy. What happens when one of my ideas is finally the one? I liquidate and live the rest of my life living without an alarm clock or a "job." I think I'm having an extremely hard time overcoming the difference in mindset. I'm almost subconsciously devaluing the path of the people I go on dates with because I so badly want out of the Fastlane. I'm struggling to bridge the gap in mindset.

I'm not sure if I'm very much overthinking this or there are other Fastlaners that are experiencing similar issues when trying to date? I know this isn't directly related to standard forum talk but I do think having such a dramatic shift in mindset has had a significant impact on what I'm looking for in a partner and what I envision for my life.

Would love to hear thoughts!

 

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[Ravens_Shadow]

I think its fine to be with a partner who doesn't want anything to do with their own personal fastlane. Two successful very entrepreneurs would barely have time for each other, much less the energy. You be the ultra busy one, let them work their job if they are perfectly happy and content with that. My 2c.

 

[Antifragile]

This post is a little unorthodox for the forum, but I swear it is related. Let me explain why...

I'll start with a little about me. I'm a 32 year old female and I have two fur children (goldendoodles). I'm an engineer, I have a fairly high paying 9-5 that lets me work remotely and have decent flexibility but I still absolutely hate it, and I manage my finances fairly well (no debt or car payment, emergency fund, retirement accounts, brokerage accounts, etc. etc.). I love doing crossfit competitively, snowboarding, hiking, going to the beach, traveling frequently, reading often, and learning as much as I can (working on Spanish right now). Finally, I'm laser focused on retiring by 40. Quite the spectrum, I know

Anyway, onto the main point...

I think we (single people) can all agree that dating in 2023 is absolutely dreadful. Between dating apps and social media, we live in the age of ghosting, gaslighting, and catfishing. On top of all that, being a Fastlaner makes it even harder (in my opinion, at least). Pre-reading The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted , I definitely had my "criteria" that was I looking for in a long term relationship. You know standard stuff: have a "good" job, live a healthy & active lifestyle, not be a serial killer or a catfish or try to steal my identify. All of those things still hold true after reading both books, although now I'm almost too selective.

As I've started my Fastlane journey and I'm executing on my first idea, I've fully immersed myself in the mindset and ideology of getting out of the rat race and living on my own terms. I've found this to be somewhat challenging when dating as most people I've encountered are very much in the Slowlane and have no intentions of doing life any other way. I'm almost immediately turned off by this as I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone that just wants to work their 9-5 while I'm working on my exit strategy. What happens when one of my ideas is finally the one? I liquidate and live the rest of my life living without an alarm clock or a "job." I think I'm having an extremely hard time overcoming the difference in mindset. I'm almost subconsciously devaluing the path of the people I go on dates with because I so badly want out of the Fastlane. I'm struggling to bridge the gap in mindset.

I'm not sure if I'm very much overthinking this or there are other Fastlaners that are experiencing similar issues when trying to date? I know this isn't directly related to standard forum talk but I do think having such a dramatic shift in mindset has had a significant impact on what I'm looking for in a partner and what I envision for my life.

Would love to hear thoughts!

I can share my thoughts but frankly you may not like what I have to say. How thick is your skin? Do you really want to hear the hard truth? Or are you seeking to confirm what you already think because you are on the forum for entrepreneurship? …

Spoiler: Hard truth here

1. You are 32 and still single, why? Nothing wrong with being single. But is your new conflict with “mindset differences” a new excuse of how you judge compatibility between you and potential partners?
2. Are you a little ahead of your own skis? Your plan to be retired by 40… it just feels a lot like “me, me, me” instead of “here’s how I can help people… I saw these struggles and I know how to fix it, thousands of people will be better off when I do and here’s how I’m going about it.”

 

[Guest931Xfjyx]

You already have accomplished a lot of things most people wont ever accomplish.

Sincerely, major kudos to you for having your shit together. Problem is, most people don't. At least not to the degree you're letting on.

You're faced with the dilemma of dating down and holding resentment, or the dilemma of dating upwards trying to find the man/woman that's already highly desirable by most, and thereby taken, or single and even pickier themselves.

You ironically are already off to a good start by venting this problem on an entrepreneur forum. Surely a dating website for entrepreneurs exists...

 

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[BizyDad]

Protip: South Jersey isn't exactly a hotbed for meeting enterprising 32 yr old men.

Move elsewhere.

Also, you aren't Fastlane. Stop acting like you're better than your dates. (Which I think is at least partly why you made the post, so kudos to you.)

I think antifragile was on to something. When you talk about you sell and then you don't have to work again...

Why aren't you talking about having enough money for both of you to do that?

You really think you're selling and your partner is going to keep working when you have enough money to put them in retirement? Are you just keeping your money to yourself?

 

[biophase]

This post is a little unorthodox for the forum, but I swear it is related. Let me explain why...

I'll start with a little about me. I'm a 32 year old female and I have two fur children (goldendoodles). I'm an engineer, I have a fairly high paying 9-5 that lets me work remotely and have decent flexibility but I still absolutely hate it, and I manage my finances fairly well (no debt or car payment, emergency fund, retirement accounts, brokerage accounts, etc. etc.). I love doing crossfit competitively, snowboarding, hiking, going to the beach, traveling frequently, reading often, and learning as much as I can (working on Spanish right now). Finally, I'm laser focused on retiring by 40. Quite the spectrum, I know

Anyway, onto the main point...

I think we (single people) can all agree that dating in 2023 is absolutely dreadful. Between dating apps and social media, we live in the age of ghosting, gaslighting, and catfishing. On top of all that, being a Fastlaner makes it even harder (in my opinion, at least). Pre-reading The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted , I definitely had my "criteria" that was I looking for in a long term relationship. You know standard stuff: have a "good" job, live a healthy & active lifestyle, not be a serial killer or a catfish or try to steal my identify. All of those things still hold true after reading both books, although now I'm almost too selective.

As I've started my Fastlane journey and I'm executing on my first idea, I've fully immersed myself in the mindset and ideology of getting out of the rat race and living on my own terms. I've found this to be somewhat challenging when dating as most people I've encountered are very much in the Slowlane and have no intentions of doing life any other way. I'm almost immediately turned off by this as I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone that just wants to work their 9-5 while I'm working on my exit strategy. What happens when one of my ideas is finally the one? I liquidate and live the rest of my life living without an alarm clock or a "job." I think I'm having an extremely hard time overcoming the difference in mindset. I'm almost subconsciously devaluing the path of the people I go on dates with because I so badly want out of the Fastlane. I'm struggling to bridge the gap in mindset.

I'm not sure if I'm very much overthinking this or there are other Fastlaners that are experiencing similar issues when trying to date? I know this isn't directly related to standard forum talk but I do think having such a dramatic shift in mindset has had a significant impact on what I'm looking for in a partner and what I envision for my life.

Would love to hear thoughts!

I had a similar experience but somewhat opposite reasons. Back in my 40’s when I was on my fastlane journey I would date women in their mid 30’s who were doctors and lawyers and it was sort of a turn off because they worked too much and were career oriented. They had careers that were going to last at least 15-20 more years and hardly any vacation time. I was location independent and took 4-6 vacations a year and ready to live the retirement life.

 

[Lyzmin]

I would date women in their mid 30’s who were doctors and lawyers and it was sort of a turn off because they worked too much and were career oriented. They had careers that were going to last at least 15-20 more years and hardly any vacation time. I was location independent and took 4-6 vacations a year and ready to live the retirement life.

Quite the eye opener. Thanks. As my gf is working through her medical studies I know she won’t get more free time. Her career will be #1. While I’m working towards no more indentured time and freedom of choice. Enough to think about.

 

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[SSTrey]

Finding the right partner is very hard. As much as we want someone on our path, the ideal one is also on their path.
Life is not binary, actually it is more analog.
I think of life like this: Focus less on things you only have partial control over. Relationships give you only 50% of control mostly, so why focus on that. Focus on things you have a higher order of control over and you will find the lesser controlled events falling into place.

 

[Primeperiwinkle]

Having your values figured out is half of the key to finding a good mate. You can't find them if you don't know what you're specifically looking for. "Having a Fastlane mentality" was on my list of criteria. I stayed active on this forum and two other entrepreneur groups online that met up irl thinking that by hanging out with actual entrepreneurs I would experience "iron sharpening iron" and become a better person for when I met the right guy. It worked. I'm married.


The other half of the key is more tricky though. It's figuring out your own worth and, the thing is, guys don't rate us the way we rate them.

They care, deeply, about things that you might not have considered like:

Are you a happy drunk or ever happy when you're incredibly vulnerable?
Are you loyal?
Do you respect men in general, in a vague way, or specifically with concrete examples of the men in your life who you would feel genuinely honored to be near?
Do you value intimacy or consider it as a tool?

Anyway, there's a reason all dating advice comes down to "meet more people and work on your character"

I think it's smart to share your stats here. You've just introduced yourself to a lot of eligible and excellent human beings. I don't know whether you will deserve any of them or realize how great their advice is though.

Fwiw, I have no clue why a few of them didn't like your intro. You sound practical and intelligent to me. The goldendoodles make me want to say,

May the odds be ever in your favor!

 

[Black_Dragon43]

Relationships don’t work out today because most people have weak characters and absurd expectations.

It’s ridiculous to expect to meet someone who fits your pre-determined bill of characteristics. Why not just meet people and see who you’re attracted with and resonate with?

Sounds much more natural and simple, than preparing a list of qualities beforehand. Believe me, you’re not even that smart. You know F*ck all about what attracts you and what would be good for you.

You THINK you know… you think if you got your fastlane man you’d be happy. But maybe you won’t.

So munch on some humble pie, drop the expectations, and work on being a better person yourself. Be open to meet others and connect, who knows what will come out of it if you stop being so transactional and start being more human.

You’re not buying a cow here, you’re meeting and hopefully forming a partnership with another live human being.

 

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[Simon Angel]

I'm sure this will be a controversial opinion—and I grew up with a single mother and a progressive and fairly feminist environment—but you're too career oriented and pretentious to date.

As unique as you may think you are, you have a personality type that romantically goes well with a few other types.

So even without taking anything else into account (i.e your personal preferences and standards) your options are already limited from the start.

Most men are more comfortable with earning the bigger paycheck in the relationship while their girlfriends/wives still work but earn less and have more time available to allocate to raising children and cooking. Basically, a homemaker.

In recent times, there is also a substantial amount of men that prefer to split finances and share responsibilities equally.

Considering you have a high-paying job and a high opinion of yourself, you'd probably have luck dating other engineers or doctors or other big hitters... But there's a problem.

You'll both be too busy to actually have a decent relationship because of a career that's still very much a job. That's not fastlane.

Now, the other option is to date an actor that's struggling to make ends meet or something like that...

But, inevitably, you'll be the provider and most likely end up bitter either way. Enter TLC - No Scrubs.

So, my point? Your #1 priority appears to be you and your own success.

Nothing wrong with that, but when it comes to dating, your priorities as a woman are unattractive for most men (who are otherwise compatible with you) who are looking for long-term relationships.

My observations:

Women want and expect their man to be successful — whether that's a career or a business. If they're semi-available, then that's fine. If not successful, then at least BUSY and with a secure income. If not with a secure income, then at least doing something with potential.

Men want their woman to be available. It doesn't matter if she's broke, working in a flower shop, or an 8-figure entrepreneur... Although most men wouldn't be able nor willing to handle the latter.

I'm seeing this pattern a lot where women with big careers and businesses end up with a big load of nothing because they immediately disqualify 95% of their potential matches because most men don't earn as much as them.

So you either have to be willing to date down your pay grade (something NO man has an issue with, but women do) or look for a man more successful than you (big time CEOs and entrepreneurs with a LOT of money and a lot of free time)... Or reconsider your career/dating/family priorities.

Lastly, if summits and meetups were still a thing, that could've been an option for you as well to meet with likeminded folk. But finding fastlaners SPECIFICALLY out in the wild is a hard task.

I hope this helps.

 

[mooney14]

Also, you aren't Fastlane. Stop acting like you're better than your dates. (Which I think is at least partly why you made the post, so kudos to you.)

Hi There, truly appreciate the time to reply and give insight, did not say better in any way (understand this could have been interpreted in that manner) I'm simply stating that there is a major difference in mindset and as a result difference in life paths and outcomes.

I think antifragile was on to something. When you talk about you sell and then you don't have to work again...

Also - did not say not have to work again - retirement doesn't mean not working. Having freedom over my time is the ultimate goal, but everyone defines retirement differently (I could be more specific here). I of course have my ideas of things I want to do with my time it is just most certainly not my current 9-5

Why aren't you talking about having enough money for both of you to do that?

You really think you're slowly and partner is going to keep working when you have enough money to put them in retirement?

Or are you just keeping your money to yourself?

All valid questions and great points...

I'm coming at this with an interesting perspective (could have included this from the start to add a bit more context) - I watched my parents go from a wonderful loving couple to an extremely bitter and nasty divorce resulting in my mom paying my dad as astronomical amount in spousal support while my father does not work the rest of his life. Clearly this is a unique situation but I'm sure this had molded my viewpoint of finances / selecting a partner slightly.

I'm not saying I would just hoard all the money away for myself, but as I'm tirelessly working to ultimately achieve time freedom - if a partner is not necessarily exerting the same energy into the goal and then it comes to fruition, I'd assume there may be some resentment? I'm also very much unsure of this as clearly it hasn't happened yet, very much just getting some insight from the forum users as it could be helpful to have a different approach to finding a partner.

 

[mooney14]

Relationships don’t work out today because most people have weak characters and absurd expectations.

It’s ridiculous to expect to meet someone who fits your pre-determined bill of characteristics. Why not just meet people and see who you’re attracted with and resonate with?

Sounds much more natural and simple, than preparing a list of qualities beforehand. Believe me, you’re not even that smart. You know F*ck all about what attracts you and what would be good for you.

You THINK you know… you think if you got your fastlane man you’d be happy. But maybe you won’t.

So munch on some humble pie, drop the expectations, and work on being a better person yourself. Be open to meet others and connect, who knows what will come out of it if you stop being so transactional and start being more human.

You’re not buying a cow here, you’re meeting and hopefully forming a partnership with another live human being.

Appreciate the insight here as the intent of the post was definitely to get other viewpoints so thanks for the time.

I don't think anyone will ever fit all pre-determined characteristics, that is crazy to think. I do believe you should have some qualities you are looking for or that are important for you in a relationship. I didn't necessarily say I was looking for a "Fastlane" man - I was just trying to get insight from others. Finances tend to cause a lot of tension in relationships and difference of mindset around finances could be a major driver of that.

Understand the initial post could be read as if I'm interviewing people which is certainly not the case. But I've found (of course this is my perspective based on my experiences) when some is talking about spending/money habits there is typically a correlation with level of ambition, drive, and focus on development of personal and professional achievements.

 

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[mooney14]

Having your values figured out is half of the key to finding a good mate. You can't find them if you don't know what you're specifically looking for. "Having a Fastlane mentality" was on my list of criteria. I stayed active on this forum and two other entrepreneur groups online that met up irl thinking that by hanging out with actual entrepreneurs I would experience "iron sharpening iron" and become a better person for when I met the right guy. It worked. I'm married.


The other half of the key is more tricky though. It's figuring out your own worth and, the thing is, guys don't rate us the way we rate them.

They care, deeply, about things that you might not have considered like:

Are you a happy drunk or ever happy when you're incredibly vulnerable?
Are you loyal?
Do you respect men in general, in a vague way, or specifically with concrete examples of the men in your life who you would feel genuinely honored to be near?
Do you value intimacy or consider it as a tool?

Anyway, there's a reason all dating advice comes down to "meet more people and work on your character"

I think it's smart to share your stats here. You've just introduced yourself to a lot of eligible and excellent human beings. I don't know whether you will deserve any of them or realize how great their advice is though.

Fwiw, I have no clue why a few of them didn't like your intro. You sound practical and intelligent to me. The goldendoodles make me want to say,

May the odds be ever in your favor!

Very much appreciate your post and your thoughts!

I also agree you have to some some sort of "criteria" you are looking for otherwise you are wandering around aimlessly and I believe that is when people become slightly desperate and settle for "just ok" because they are getting older or this is what they feel they need to do. I've gotten some backlash regarding having some criteria that I use - of course that was the intent of the post to get feedback so no offense taken. I do think women focus a bit more on "what we are looking for" vs. men, which is why I think there is a skewed view that we are "picky" or "selective" - although I have some friends that have a laundry list of requirements which is just completely unrealistic.

I very much like your point on the second part about knowing your own worth. This is for sure a tricky one because there are those that under value themselves, those that overvalue themselves, and those that have it all figured out (do any of us ever truly have it all figured out?!). I think I've made such a large shift in mindset, goals, and lifestyle that I'm struggling with this one a bit, hence the post. Part of this is dating and the other part is adjusting to this new mindset.

I'm 32 years old and I don't drink. That in itself causes way more difficulty dating than one would think.... The choice to no longer drink has been very telling throughout my dating experiences. However, I'm learning as I go. I'm open to meeting anyone and talking about anything but I've found that there is a weird stigma around now drinking, lol strange to me but its whatever lol.

I've taken a lot away from your post. Very much like that you posed questions from another viewpoint. What are male counterparts looking for and do I even fit that? I do spend time self-reflecting and continuously working on improving myself (although it may not seem that way from the initial post, my bad for not better articulating my intent) - but sometimes the outside perspective is always more helpful as it is unbiased feedback.

Thank you so much and so happy to hear that you've had success with the in person meetups. Great reply!

 

[mooney14]

Finding the right partner is very hard. As much as we want someone on our path, the ideal one is also on their path.
Life is not binary, actually it is more analog.
I think of life like this: Focus less on things you only have partial control over. Relationships give you only 50% of control mostly, so why focus on that. Focus on things you have a higher order of control over and you will find the lesser controlled events falling into place.

This is great! Thank you for sharing. The intent was to get a bunch of perspectives as obviously everyone views life and relationships differently.

 

[mooney14]

I had a similar experience but somewhat opposite reasons. Back in my 40’s when I was on my fastlane journey I would date women in their mid 30’s who were doctors and lawyers and it was sort of a turn off because they worked too much and were career oriented. They had careers that were going to last at least 15-20 more years and hardly any vacation time. I was location independent and took 4-6 vacations a year and ready to live the retirement life.

This is absolutely great insight. I think the location independent thing is for sure a struggle these days with all the remote work. I too work remotely which allows me the flexibility to move but I do more traveling than physically relocating due to family/personal reasons.

May I ask if you've changed your approach to dating? Has it been successful? Did you need to change your mindset or your dating preferences in order to see a difference?

Someone in another reply to this post (I'm paraphrasing) stated that having two fastlaners or entrepreneurs in a relationship would be challenging as two busy people would never have time for each other. But what about if one is super busy while the other has more "down time" or "available time" (as you've described with dating doctors/lawyers).

There is no right answer or approach but I love hearing the thoughts and views as I'm always open to changing my approach or trying something different.

Thanks!

 

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[mooney14]

Quite the eye opener. Thanks. As my gf is working through her medical studies I know she won’t get more free time. Her career will be #1. While I’m working towards no more indentured time and freedom of choice. Enough to think about.

This is exactly what I'm looking for or I've been thinking about. It isn't necessarily a competition but if one person has "unlimited" free time while the other is bound by a time clock - just curious how that works out. Of course if you are very much in love with that person, you make it work because I'd assume she is extremely passionate about medicine and that is great (Kudos to your gf because it is such an amazing path to take) and you would always support your significant other's passions and dreams.

I'm more intrigued with the parties view/handle the situation.

Thank you for sharing. Wish you both happiness together!

 

[mooney14]

You already have accomplished a lot of things most people wont ever accomplish.

Sincerely, major kudos to you for having your shit together. Problem is, most people don't. At least not to the degree you're letting on.

You're faced with the dilemma of dating down and holding resentment, or the dilemma of dating upwards trying to find the man/woman that's already highly desirable by most, and thereby taken, or single and even pickier themselves.

You ironically are already off to a good start by venting this problem on an entrepreneur forum. Surely a dating website for entrepreneurs exists...

Love this post. Very real and direct.

I think the YOLO movement definitely created an interesting dynamic as I've found that people in my age group are very much in the mindset of do whatever you want regardless of the financial impact. Then there was the "catch flights, not feelings" movement. Social media has done a terrible job of condoning treating others poorly specifically in a dating sense which has become the norm.

Love the point about dating "down or up" - this is a interesting and challenging but I think you can learn something from everyone you meet. I will leave a 1st date and do a lot of reflecting. What did I like about them? What did I not necessarily like? How do I think they viewed me? Did I come across as authentic? Was I nervous? Its all part of the process which I find to amazing because I love meeting new people. Not always romantically but its cool to learn about and see different viewpoints because it also continues to shape how I see the world.

I definitely meet and go out with all different types of people with varying backgrounds, careers, etc. but I can just say I've become a bit more selective since changing my priorities and working more on myself vs. going out and partying every weekend. Plus, no hangovers - its wonderful!

 

[Lou7]

I think its fine to be with a partner who doesn't want anything to do with their own personal fastlane. Two successful very entrepreneurs would barely have time for each other, much less the energy. You be the ultra busy one, let them work their job if they are perfectly happy and content with that. My 2c.

also, this is a good way to dilute the risk

 

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[Trismigistus]

A man likes when a woman who follows his lead and supports him in his endeavors, also they're looking for fit, feminine, and friendly.

I think you should just find someone you really vibe with and can be around first. I was a slowlaner, my wife was a slowlaner, but we grew together and now the slowlane is part of our process to go fastlane and get out of the rat race. For the past year or so ive been talking about starting a business with my wife. Ever since I read the millionaire fastlane a bit ago, I have really been ramping up the talk. I got my wife to read fastlane and now she is completely on board with a business, I have her reading through unscripted now. We have business meetings and talk about ideas now. Soooo different from a year ago. I know this doesnt really pertain to your situation, but people can change and grow together. Just because some dude is a slowlaner, doesnt mean you cant fall in love and work on a business together. Slowlaners want the samething you do but just hasnt been shown the way from MJ like we have. I hope you find a man asap!

 

[mooney14]

I can share my thoughts but frankly you may not like what I have to say. How thick is your skin? Do you really want to hear the hard truth? Or are you seeking to confirm what you already think because you are on the forum for entrepreneurship? …

Spoiler: Hard truth here

1. You are 32 and still single, why? Nothing wrong with being single. But is your new conflict with “mindset differences” a new excuse of how you judge compatibility between you and potential partners?
2. Are you a little ahead of your own skis? Your plan to be retired by 40… it just feels a lot like “me, me, me” instead of “here’s how I can help people… I saw these struggles and I know how to fix it, thousands of people will be better off when I do and here’s how I’m going about it.”

The intent was to get insight from other viewpoints. So I'm happy that you're sharing. I appreciate the time and the thoughts as I'm fairly new to the entrepreneur lifestyle but I took to it very quickly. Meaning, I made a major change in my lifestyle and thought process very quickly, so I'm very much looking for thoughts from others that may have experienced the same thing or just want to throw their thoughts out there.

1. Valid question: Answering honestly, clearly I'm single because of all my red flags kidding...I think lol

I'm not "still" single. I'm single because I have chosen not to be in a relationship with someone just because (this seems to be a common theme when people get older and they are in a sense "settling" because they don't want to be the person that is "still" single at 40). I'm very comfortable being single, I'm not in a rush to get into a relationship. I think the mindset definitely impacts how I'm judging compatibility. This is a fair point. The things I was looking for prior to this new journey are very much not the things I'm looking for now. Not a problem - just believe it has made it a bit more challenging. Why? Maybe because, like another person posted, the pool is a bit smaller for those that are very focused on entrepreneurial adventures? Or maybe I'm more selective? Or maybe I'm just not as focused on dating and I'm more focused on my business ventures? I'm working to understand this of course, hence the post.

2. Valid point:

Understand that this could have come across in a very selfish and narcissistic manner. Not my intent at all. My retire by 40 goal is mainly derived by my extreme hatred for my job (although I have significant gratitude for it as I have flexibility and it has allowed me to pursue my business journey). However, my FastLane idea and business is very centralized around helping others and making their particular experience more enjoyable. That is just a personal goal I have set for myself - I think I'm allowed to have personal goals, but the underlying business venture will most certainly have a large impact on the users and ultimately improve customer satisfaction. Sometimes hard to convey all of this information in an initial post. I just wanted to clarify.

I appreciate the "hard truth." I don't think that was hard at all. I'm not offended in anyway. Again, my intent was to just get some insight. No harm in posting your honest thoughts!

 

[mooney14]

I think its fine to be with a partner who doesn't want anything to do with their own personal fastlane. Two successful very entrepreneurs would barely have time for each other, much less the energy. You be the ultra busy one, let them work their job if they are perfectly happy and content with that. My 2c.

Thanks for the reply. Appreciate your viewpoint. Great to hear how others view the situation and extremely valid.

 

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[mooney14]

I'm sure this will be a controversial opinion—and I grew up with a single mother and a progressive and fairly feminist environment—but you're too career oriented and pretentious to date.

As unique as you may think you are, you have a personality type that romantically goes well with a few other types.

So even without taking anything else into account (i.e your personal preferences and standards) your options are already limited from the start.

Very thorough! Super helpful!

I do think the career orientation causes some issue, that is definitely an accurate assessment. My question would be, Does that mean I should be less career oriented? Should I be downplaying my aspirations? I'm not trying to be an a$$ here, I'm legitimately intrigued with this and wonder how this should be handled?

Most men are more comfortable with earning the bigger paycheck in the relationship while their girlfriends/wives still work but earn less and have more time available to allocate to raising children and cooking. Basically, a homemaker.

In recent times, there is also a substantial amount of men that prefer to split finances and share responsibilities equally.

Same question here, if the female happens to be a successful, high-earning individuals - I'm not sure how this gets handled? Again, truly asking not trying to be rude. If this is what men want (I also don't want children which is another strike), does that mean I should be adjusting my life to fit the mold of what is more desirable?

I also have no problem splitting finances. I always offer to split the check when going out on dates!

Considering you have a high-paying job and a high opinion of yourself, you'd probably have luck dating other engineers or doctors or other big hitters... But there's a problem.

You'll both be too busy to actually have a decent relationship because of a career that's still very much a job. That's not fastlane.

Now, the other option is to date an actor that's struggling to make ends meet or something like that...

But, inevitably, you'll be the provider and most likely end up bitter either way. Enter TLC - No Scrubs.

So, my point? Your #1 priority appears to be you and your own success.

Nothing wrong with that, but when it comes to dating, your priorities as a woman are unattractive for most men (who are otherwise compatible with you) who are looking for long-term relationships.

This was amazing! Love the TLC reference

Guess this means I have to pick with career success or a relationship lol or I'm destined to be single forever. Which I'm very much ok with, I'm not trying to force a relationship or rush into something. I was just super intrigued with feedback. I went on a few dates recently and I found myself approaching them differently vs. prior to my new journey and thought process.

My observations:

Women want and expect their man to be successful — whether that's a career or a business. If they're semi-available, then that's fine. If not successful, then at least BUSY and with a secure income. If not with a secure income, then at least doing something with potential.

Men want their woman to be available. It doesn't matter if she's broke, working in a flower shop, or an 8-figure entrepreneur... Although most men wouldn't be able nor willing to handle the latter.

I'm seeing this pattern a lot where women with big careers and businesses end up with a big load of nothing because they immediately disqualify 95% of their potential matches because most men don't earn as much as them.

So you either have to be willing to date down your pay grade (something NO man has an issue with, but women do) or look for a man more successful than you (big time CEOs and entrepreneurs with a LOT of money and a lot of free time)... Or reconsider your career/dating/family priorities.

Lastly, if summits and meetups were still a thing, that could've been an option for you as well to meet with likeminded folk. But finding fastlaners SPECIFICALLY out in the wild is a hard task.

I hope this helps.

For me personally, I don't think it is specifically how much do they currently make. More how they view success and what are their ambitions. Will they grow with me or will I outgrow them. I may also be ok with that if it was someone I truly cared for, who knows! These are all hypothetical questions as I have not yet achieved financial freedom and freedom of time. I have not made a major impact on those around me with my "idea," but I do know that I will be working tirelessly until that does happen.

I've dated guys that have made less than me, which is ok - but they have had the drive or desire to achieve xyz. I think it is fine to date potential, just have to assume the risk if the potential does not come to fruition and you're ok with where the person is currently. Its definitely a fun game to play, dating.

I think it really comes down to the people that I've met recently have prioritized drinking and partying over more intentional activities (which is very much their choice and if that is what makes them happy, then so be it - just not my cup of tea anymore). Was curious if others have seen the same and if the fastlane mindset has created more of a challenge!

Thank you!

 

[mooney14]

A man likes when a woman who follows his lead and supports him in his endeavors, also they're looking for fit, feminine, and friendly.

I think you should just find someone you really vibe with and can be around first. I was a slowlaner, my wife was a slowlaner, but we grew together and now the slowlane is part of our process to go fastlane and get out of the rat race. For the past year or so ive been talking about starting a business with my wife. Ever since I read the millionaire fastlane a bit ago, I have really been ramping up the talk. I got my wife to read fastlane and now she is completely on board with a business, I have her reading through unscripted now. We have business meetings and talk about ideas now. Soooo different from a year ago. I know this doesnt really pertain to your situation, but people can change and grow together. Just because some dude is a slowlaner, doesnt mean you cant fall in love and work on a business together. Slowlaners want the samething you do but just hasnt been shown the way from MJ like we have. I hope you find a man asap!

This is amazing!

So glad you decided to share your thoughts and your experience with your wife. I very much appreciate this reply and have a very different outlook on "growing together"

I think this is a fantastic approach to diversity of thought and you found a solution that helped bridge the gap in mindset. Wonderful that you encouraged your wife to read the book and I'm happy she liked it!

I wish you both so much happiness and success with your business ventures!

 

[SSTrey]

This is great! Thank you for sharing. The intent was to get a bunch of perspectives as obviously everyone views life and relationships differently.

You're welcome. One more thing....my gf is not 'the fastlane type' HOWEVER she seeing my progress over the years, she does root for me, and she waits for the day I 'make it;. In fact just yesterday she made this comment
"It's so amazing where you have come, I remember when you were writing all your plans and details of your business on pieces of paper years ago, to see it now come into frution, is so amazing, KEEP pushing"

The point is, people influence each other and oftentimes, having a partner who is your fan is the most beautiful thing.

I wish you all the best. Focus on what matters, and what matters comes into focus.

 

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[Simon Angel]

Very thorough! Super helpful!

I do think the career orientation causes some issue, that is definitely an accurate assessment. My question would be, Does that mean I should be less career oriented? Should I be downplaying my aspirations? I'm not trying to be an a$$ here, I'm legitimately intrigued with this and wonder how this should be handled?


Same question here, if the female happens to be a successful, high-earning individuals - I'm not sure how this gets handled? Again, truly asking not trying to be rude. If this is what men want (I also don't want children which is another strike), does that mean I should be adjusting my life to fit the mold of what is more desirable?

I also have no problem splitting finances. I always offer to split the check when going out on dates!


This was amazing! Love the TLC reference

Guess this means I have to pick with career success or a relationship lol or I'm destined to be single forever. Which I'm very much ok with, I'm not trying to force a relationship or rush into something. I was just super intrigued with feedback. I went on a few dates recently and I found myself approaching them differently vs. prior to my new journey and thought process.

For me personally, I don't think it is specifically how much do they currently make. More how they view success and what are their ambitions. Will they grow with me or will I outgrow them. I may also be ok with that if it was someone I truly cared for, who knows! These are all hypothetical questions as I have not yet achieved financial freedom and freedom of time. I have not made a major impact on those around me with my "idea," but I do know that I will be working tirelessly until that does happen.

I've dated guys that have made less than me, which is ok - but they have had the drive or desire to achieve xyz. I think it is fine to date potential, just have to assume the risk if the potential does not come to fruition and you're ok with where the person is currently. Its definitely a fun game to play, dating.

Yes, I was going to ask if you want kids next since earlier you mentioned not being in a rush to get into a relationship at 32.

With kids not being an issue, I don't think you'll have any trouble dating. In fact, you're likely to find it easier to date as time goes by.

One, because a lot of people don't want kids nowadays. And two, because there are a lot of people who did the marriage and kids thing and it didn't work out for them, so now they're dating again.

I think it really comes down to the people that I've met recently have prioritized drinking and partying over more intentional activities (which is very much their choice and if that is what makes them happy, then so be it - just not my cup of tea anymore). Was curious if others have seen the same and if the fastlane mindset has created more of a challenge!

Thank you!

Hmm, where are you meeting these people?

Try joining a local business club or attend meet ups for entrepreneurs/startups/etc and mingle. If you're reigious, I've heard church is a good one as well.

I think the men there will be much more palatable for your tastes and much more interested in growth and self-preservation than the guys with absurdist and hedonistic tendencies you've recently interacted with.

What's clear from your replies is that you're open minded and not sensitive to critical feedback, which is an attractive quality that's highly sought after.

 

[mooney14]

You're welcome. One more thing....my gf is not 'the fastlane type' HOWEVER she seeing my progress over the years, she does root for me, and she waits for the day I 'make it;. In fact just yesterday she made this comment
"It's so amazing where you have come, I remember when you were writing all your plans and details of your business on pieces of paper years ago, to see it now come into frution, is so amazing, KEEP pushing"

The point is, people influence each other and oftentimes, having a partner who is your fan is the most beautiful thing.

I wish you all the best. Focus on what matters, and what matters comes into focus.

So great and extremely insightful. Thank you for sharing. Your gf sounds like a pretty amazing and supportive person.

Wish you the best of luck with your business plans and a happiness in your relationship!

 

[mooney14]

Yes, I was going to ask if you want kids next since earlier you mentioned not being in a rush to get into a relationship at 32.

With kids not being an issue, I don't think you'll have any trouble dating. In fact, you're likely to find it easier to date as time goes by.

One, because a lot of people don't want kids nowadays. And two, because there are a lot of people who did the marriage and kids thing and it didn't work out for them, so now they're dating again.

You'd be surprised how many guys my age want kids! But again, totally fine. That just means we aren't a good match or maybe I haven't met someone that I've wanted to have kids with.... So many possibilities here.

Yes, I'm also at the age where there are a decent amount of people getting divorced - maybe this is the best time to date!

Hmm, where are you meeting these people?

Try joining a local business club or attend meet ups for entrepreneurs/startups/etc and mingle. If you're reigious, I've heard church is a good one as well.

I think the men there will be much more palatable for your tastes and much more interested in growth and self-preservation than the guys with absurdist and hedonistic tendencies you've recently interacted with.

What's clear from your replies is that you're open minded and not sensitive to critical feedback, which is an attractive quality that's highly sought after.

Clearly not meeting them in the right places. Dating apps (tried it an immediately regretted it haha), mutual friends, the gym, etc.

Great thoughts on the business clubs and networking events. If anything, a way to continue conversations with likeminded individuals. Again, I'm not trying to force a relationship - was just trying to better understand the application of this new mindset and how it has impacted my thought process around dating.

I appreciate the comment about being open minded. I try very hard to approach everything in that manner - there is no sense in getting defensive because everyone has room for improvement or can learn something from someone else. Also, why post something on a forum if you don't want some tough love in response....

Thanks, great conversation.

 

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[Muhammad Ibrahim]

Two successful very entrepreneurs would barely have time for each other, much less the energ

ahem, alex and leila hormozi



[i get that its rare but]

 

[mooney14]

ahem, alex and leila hormozi



[i get that its rare but]

They met on a dating app LOL

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75FqjYwd0Rg