When u're sick and tired of being sick and tired - longest intro ever? (M, 24)

[Aventus]

Hello all y’all here at Fastlane forum!

I would like to start off by giving credit where it’s due.
I’ve been lurking this forum for years now and I have no doubt that some of the advice shared on here has absolutely helped change lives and that the forum has potential to save many more – hopefully including my own.
So for taking on this noble quest, I want to thank MJ and all the top contributors.

I am going to try and give u guys a glimpse into my world.
The earliest years of my life my parents were pretty much constantly at war and finally separated when I was 6 years old.
I’ve always had contact with both parents though which is something to be grateful for in any case.
I missed 2/3 of high school because I was playing a lot of video games – the saddest thing being that I’ve always known that it’s a bs escape from the real problems I ought to be facing. I did finish high school with a 4/5 GPA though which is not too bad.
Unfortunately I carried on gaming until a few weeks back when I finally decided to quit it for good (after having uninstalled and reintalled Steam hundreds of times, no joke).

My father has lived his whole life being an entrepreneur of sorts, never settling for a day job.
Problem is that he’s always needed some supporting cast to deliver though.
Since we were like 12, my brother and I, have always had to help him in most of the things that need to get done.
I remember translating letters into English to communicate to customers and travelling abroad to be his translator between ages of 11-16.
Great experience in some ways but since I never really got paid for any of it, it kind of left me with a bitter taste in my mouth – guess he couldn’t frame it right.
All this has however taught me a few things about being an entrepreneur and I have long decided that I will not want to be spending my life living by the SCRIPT.

So I’ve stuck with my father. Partly because he has a pretty crazy drive towards making things happen and because he actually has some skills to complement it.
Partly because I was lazy and it satisfied the needs I had in the low form of life I indulged in.
As a combination of some bad circumstances and no shortage of bad decision making, the whole thing has been an excruciating experience for both of us.
During this time I’ve had so many FTE’s that I couldn’t possibly keep count of all of them.

There is good reason why I haven’t bailed, wished my father good luck, and taken off to find my own though. We’ve actually had something huge down the pipes for years now but current problems have clogged those pipes and there’s been no energy left to turn serious focus on future plans. And by huge I mean scales that would make @Kak proud.
To receive any help I know full well that I need to be providing value right back to the people helping me and once I get something up and running with proof to show for it and regain my confidence I’d be happy to give back to the community and return favours.

The main reason I found myself reinstalling Steam and starting the nolife cycle of gaming again was that I’ve been struggling to untangle this current ball of mess.
Nor have I been able to start seeding for the new projects to turn attention to them because I’ve felt like I lack the experience because these are not really projects of the simplest sorts.
I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired though and I absolutely want to get started on something. Deep depression really is a rotten curse...
I’d like to vow to be determined on turning myself into someone I could be proud of – a person of real value. This however is made difficult by the fact that, again, I’ve taken so many wrong turns that I’ve lost sight of the values I hold dear amidst all of this.
For that I really feel like conversation with few of the top contributors could help me out of this miserable state and into natural flow. Going through @IceCreamKid’s threads might help a little but having consumed countless hours of self-help, motivation, psychology videos and gotten nowhere so far indicates to me that I need more than just that. I’d need someone to shake my world up completely and provide some guidance from time to time.
I’ve seen glimpses of awesome in me and I certainly believe in the potential of some of the ideas that have been generated over the years.

I have also now finally taken up a day job again because I actually realize that I need the routine, responsibility and self-fulfillment that comes with earning my own living.
Despite the 12 hour workdays I am willing to spend all my evenings working towards building my own business.
I never really cared for any of the mindless distractions that the youth today indulge in such as drinking and partying. Gaming was always just something to pass time whilst I had no drive to make something happen.
What I do care for is achieving the heights of my personal integrity, sharing value and having the resources (time, wisdom, finance...) to invest into building a strong and prosperous family.

Lots of love, light and success to everyone,
Aventus

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[MJ DeMarco]

Thanks for the intro, welcome aboard my friend.

 

[Tommo]

Thanks for the intro, welcome aboard my friend.

Hey isn't this an Intro+ @MJ DeMarco ?
Remember them MJ lol ?

 

[GravyBoat]

Welcome!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Aventus]

Thanks for making me feel welcome lads

I'd like to state that as I've always been a lurker and never really taken part in any conversations on any forums this is a bit new to me.
I've already shared a lot more than I would normally feel comfortable doing and there is more to come.
This will probably sort of look like a diary entry where I will be thinking out loud and since that is also something I've never done then there'll probably be plenty of mistakes made.
That being said, I do hope to get some contribution to help me move forward on this quest towards a better life.

As I have so far described, my life is in shambles - or at least that's how it feels to me.
Years of wantrepeneurship whilst living in absolute chaos and not committing to anything has left me feeling like a bag of shit.
Had I decided to live an average life, go to a trade school to learn some profession and tick my time away in the most average way possible, I'd probably feel somewhat lighter. I'd at least have some particular skillset that would be appliable and sought after pretty much anywhere I'd go.
Right now I don't feel as if I excel at anything and have nothing to offer, and what was previously said would beat the hell out of feeling as useless as I am right now.
I believe that there is merit in living an honest workers life and getting by in such manner.
After all, there would be no businessmen without people to run the day-to-day errands and keep the businesses afloat.
Although I've considered living my life this way it's never really been an option because I know I would feel like I missed out on too much and never really tested my boundaries.

I know that I need to break this cycle of constant worrying and rise above by actually taking action.
There is one idea that kind of ties in with a business my brother recently started and is also something I am somewhat familiar with.
The business is a car maintenance/repair workshop and whilst it's definitely not a fastlane business it's still something. Thankfully it seems to be hitting off and customers aren't that difficult to come by.
As my first business I'm looking to extend on what he has created by putting together an e-commerce website to sell both visual-, and performance parts.
Current reality is that I also need to work my a** off to keep up with living expenses though.

I ought to start an execution thread on this matter and my immaturity regarding business matters will most probably shine brightest there.
But this is precisely why I have decided to put myself out here to hopefully get feedback on anything that is either complete rubbish or actually somewhat decent from the community.
Another reason for all of this is to have somebody hold me accountable for powering through whatever challenges lie ahead.
If I got the ball rolling for me somehow, then perhaps I might even amount to something.


I'd like to end this post on a different note though.
I've always considered the habit of daily reading to be a sign of a smart person and yet I haven't been able to cultivate this in myself so far.
However I'm bringing this up because I want to change that.
Both TMF and Unscripted I have already read and I certainly plan on revisiting those books, but I'd love to get some more book recommendations.
Preferably something that you've found to either:
1) explain business(principles, building one, etc.) and finances in the most efficient and clear way possible;
2) positively alter your view of the world the most;
or
3) contain so much universally applicable bits of wisdom that it'd be a sin not to read.

I'm not quite sure if this post should now conclude this introduction but I would certainly welcome discussion and perhaps even elaborate on some topics if necessary.

I also pardon for this chaotic mess of a text but it's a reflection of what's going on inside and I've decided to let go of the habit of not doing things, simply, because I can't do them perfectly.
Also, English is not my native language.

Anyways, I am hereby signing off.

With kind regards,
Your Aventus

 

[Aventus]

So another year of doing f*ck all has passed. Still mostly feeling miserable and far from accomplished. I am now 25 and have achieved nothing notable throughout my life, nor created any wealth.
The hopeless part is that it always feels as if I’m ever so close to turning a corner and actually making something happen because I haven't entirely given up on my life and dreams yet.

With this frustration brewing in me and with the energy it has provided me I’ve again returned to ask help in the forums. Building a business has always felt like the most probable vehicle towards me achieving the lifestyle goals I long for.

Having returned, the first thing I read was Remiremis awesome post on how an ENTP type of person should go about organizing their life and getting sh*t done. Being an ENFP myself and therefore even more predisposed to getting distracted I could relate to a lot of the text and will definitely try out some of the techniques suggested.

Taking immediate action in following my curiousity however, led me to go and learn some more about my personality type. This in turn made me take into consideration the fact that I might not be cut out for this afterall.

Now I am aware that if I didn’t at least try to build at least some business and just learned a skill to land me some job, ticking away my days in mediocrity, I would absolutely die as sad and miserable as I have been so far because I wouldn’t forgive myself.

Right now is the moment I have to make myself count for something. I have to commit to something and get myself organized enough to see it through. Some of the ideas that have emerged throughout the years still have plenty of merit and the potential is there and I just have to get to putting in the work.

Mostly the struggle for me is the fact that I am a chronic overthinker though and I don’t really have anyone whom I could trust to give me some guidance on the path. Not taking action on anything I learn has been an obstacle all my life and as such I just need simple and clear instructions.

To get me started I think I should just take the current ideas, apply CENTS to them to filter out which one I should start working on. I’d appreciate if someone could please write out to me the most general step-by-step guide to creating a business that’d be great.

Also, I apologize to anyone who has read through all of this because I know it must have been painful to go through all my dramatics, but this is me thinking out loud and is something that I rarely do. To me it means that you’re genuinely interested in helping people and I wholeheartedly appreciate and thank you!

 

[GravyBoat]

So another year of doing f*ck all has passed. Still mostly feeling miserable and far from accomplished. I am now 25 and have achieved nothing notable throughout my life, nor created any wealth.
The hopeless part is that it always feels as if I’m ever so close to turning a corner and actually making something happen because I haven't entirely given up on my life and dreams yet.

With this frustration brewing in me and with the energy it has provided me I’ve again returned to ask help in the forums. Building a business has always felt like the most probable vehicle towards me achieving the lifestyle goals I long for.

Having returned, the first thing I read was Remiremis awesome post on how an ENTP type of person should go about organizing their life and getting sh*t done. Being an ENFP myself and therefore even more predisposed to getting distracted I could relate to a lot of the text and will definitely try out some of the techniques suggested.

Taking immediate action in following my curiousity however, led me to go and learn some more about my personality type. This in turn made me take into consideration the fact that I might not be cut out for this afterall.

Now I am aware that if I didn’t at least try to build at least some business and just learned a skill to land me some job, ticking away my days in mediocrity, I would absolutely die as sad and miserable as I have been so far because I wouldn’t forgive myself.

Right now is the moment I have to make myself count for something. I have to commit to something and get myself organized enough to see it through. Some of the ideas that have emerged throughout the years still have plenty of merit and the potential is there and I just have to get to putting in the work.

Mostly the struggle for me is the fact that I am a chronic overthinker though and I don’t really have anyone whom I could trust to give me some guidance on the path. Not taking action on anything I learn has been an obstacle all my life and as such I just need simple and clear instructions.

To get me started I think I should just take the current ideas, apply CENTS to them to filter out which one I should start working on. I’d appreciate if someone could please write out to me the most general step-by-step guide to creating a business that’d be great.

Also, I apologize to anyone who has read through all of this because I know it must have been painful to go through all my dramatics, but this is me thinking out loud and is something that I rarely do. To me it means that you’re genuinely interested in helping people and I wholeheartedly appreciate and thank you!

Bro go start a F*cking progress thread and ask specific questions so people can help you on your journey.

You think a person of high value is going to want to help you after seeing what I just read???

Get your head out of your a$$ and look yourself in the mirror. You’re 1/4th dead. Get the F*ck going and quit with these lame posts.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[peddletothemetal]

I probably wasn't far off where you are around that age. Based on what you've said I might offer the following hints.

1. Go to some therapists. The first 7 years of life are formative, and the first 6 of yours were under parents who were dysfunctional in how they relate to others, so you may have taken on some deep formative damage, that a good therapist could help unwind with you. Very much worth the money, levers many times over in payoff.

2. You need to modify the relationship you have with your father such that you're now completely independent.

3. You don't sound ready for business because you have no guiding light. You tend to flail around reaching for immediate and easy sources of guiding light. E.g. games (which create fake but compelling purpose), YouTube videos (you're hunting for answers on paths forward).

This is likely why you've happily gone the path of 12 hour work days, as that job provides a clear and concrete framework of guidance that anchors your life. It would likely be best if you pushed forward with this, pushing into harder roles with more responsibility, as you'll gain more skills useful for when you one day enter business. Not everyone's starting from the same spot, not everyone is in a stage of life where they can go ahead with pure personal initiative, and some need framework for a while to get their feet and that's fine. There's no rush. Just because you're an employee for a few years doesn't mean you'll always be.

 

[Aventus]

I probably wasn't far off where you are around that age. Based on what you've said I might offer the following hints.

1. Go to some therapists. The first 7 years of life are formative, and the first 6 of yours were under parents who were dysfunctional in how they relate to others, so you may have taken on some deep formative damage, that a good therapist could help unwind with you. Very much worth the money, levers many times over in payoff.

2. You need to modify the relationship you have with your father such that you're now completely independent.

3. You don't sound ready for business because you have no guiding light. You tend to flail around reaching for immediate and easy sources of guiding light. E.g. games (which create fake but compelling purpose), YouTube videos (you're hunting for answers on paths forward).

This is likely why you've happily gone the path of 12 hour work days, as that job provides a clear and concrete framework of guidance that anchors your life. It would likely be best if you pushed forward with this, pushing into harder roles with more responsibility, as you'll gain more skills useful for when you one day enter business. Not everyone's starting from the same spot, not everyone is in a stage of life where they can go ahead with pure personal initiative, and some need framework for a while to get their feet and that's fine. There's no rush. Just because you're an employee for a few years doesn't mean you'll always be.

Great response and you're correct in many ways.
The second and third point paving the way for the first point to work, because I have been to therapy plenty of times and since I haven't had the balls to step out of the current situation, it has never really helped so far.
My problem with getting another job lately has been how I perceive the whole concept I guess.
I know that I need the stability it provides but I also don't want something that'll just completely wear me out by the evening so that I'd have no energy left for anything else. Which means that to make the whole thing worth it, I'd at least have to find a job that allows for growth and where I wouldn't be stuck.
Since I don't have any particular skills the Business Administration graduation paper doesn't really open too many opportunities and I've no clue as to where my strengths lie.

Also @GravyBoat, your response is also entirely accurate in that I just need to stop being a whining little sack of sh*t and start actually bearing some responsibility.
There are some things I'll never be able to change and fighting them isn't very productive, it's time to let go.
I'm probably wrong in hoping to find some mental support here for such life decisions but typing this out I hoped to find at least some peace of mind. Having slept on it and now reading the responses has at least helped narrow my perspective in terms of expectations and has kind of acted as a slap on the wrist to bring me back to reality.

Right now it feels like I'm just going to pick out some curriculum that would fit me, go back to school in fall and find a job to keep me afloat meanwhile. That ought to at least give me something real to grasp onto and provide a foundation for moving forward.

Once again I apologize for this and hopefully within a few years I can be back with a bomb a$$ execution thread and actually give back to the community. Peace out.

With regards
Aventus

 

[peddletothemetal]

I've no clue as to where my strengths lie

That's key then, should throw some time and money at it. Search for strength assessments. First on google is "CliftonStrengths", doing that would be good starter step I'd imagine.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.