I haven't had my FTE, what should I do?

[EatMan]

In the book Unscripted , MJ DeMarco talked about a "F*ck This Event" (FTE) in which clarity hits you like a truck, and you're motivated to change and take action regardless of fear or social norms. I've never had this type of event, and maybe because of this, I'm having a real difficult time finding motivation/consistency in my execution.

I've been stuck in a cycle of lazing around, reflecting on my (lack of) work, hating myself, whipping myself to work hard, running out of willpower, getting burned out, lazing around, and repeat.

If I were to guess, a cause could be that I'm very comfortable living with my mom (without a job), so there's no sense of urgency, and I've never worked a full 9-to-5, so I can only imagine how bad it is from MJ DeMarco's story. Either way, please feel free to give some honest advice, that would be greatly appreciated.

 

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[Thoelt53]

On January 1, 2019 you have rent and bills due. Rent, your share of internet/cable, electricity, water/sewer, groceries, car insurance, etc.

What are you going to do about it? How are you going to come up with the cash?

 

[TonyStark]

How are you gonna have a FTE if you’ve never even lived life? Lmao

 

[GPM]

There is nothing wrong with being satisfied with life, whatever that life may be. "The grind" is not for everyone.

Having said that, personal development is a must for everyone. Keep reading books to make yourself a better and more rounded person. Start some cool new hobbies that will get you out of your comfort zone. Go try and meet people that will help you grow. No matter what your station in life, or your goals and dreams, trying to grow as a human is NEVER a bad thing.

By reaching, meeting new people, and getting uncomfortable, you just might find something that inspires you to do great things.

 

[EatMan]

On January 1, 2019 you have rent and bills due. Rent, your share of internet/cable, electricity, water/sewer, groceries, car insurance, etc.

What are you going to do about it? How are you going to come up with the cash?

I've saved up enough money to pay for car insurance for at least 3-4 years, but everything else (food, electricity, internet, water, etc.) is being cover by mom who's letting me stay at her place for the foreseeable future.

 

[NewManRising]

Maybe you should think about why you even want to create wealth. It is hard to have an FTE if you've never worked a 9-5 like most people. It's even hard for you to even develop a sense of Self if you always live with your mom and have not ventured out in the world. Struggles build lots of character. And, also being in positions where you get no support help you develop resourcefulness. Also, consider your mom won't be around forever. I know so many people that leech off their parents that they absolutely have no adult problem-solving skills. It is better to learn this while young than being 30 years old and finding yourself shit out of luck.

 

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[Timmy C]

If you've never even lived out of home, and have no responsibility you will never have one. I am at home ATM but I lived on my own for a while as well with a former gf of mine and I have experienced how shit the script is, imagine losing your job with $3000 left in the bank and rent bills everything. It F*cking sucks let me tell you but I found a way. You really gotta move out otherwise you will always be in a bubble that everything will be easy when it fact life's F*cking hard. If I would have always lived at home I would never have had my FTE. Really makes you appreciate family and everything, you won't be a lazy prick around the house, you will help pay bills, dishes etc. If you new how the script was by experiencing it the fact you have it easy ATM wouldn't matter you'd still be busting a$$ like your life depends on it.

Step one get a job.
Always educate yourself, self development everyday
Go rent a house.
Experience the script.

Then FTE.

Every day now I feel my back is against the wall.

 

[sparechange]

Unless you are like in your baby 20's you are just a live at home leech bum doing nothing in society.

Wait till ya got bills to pay like normal people and have a boss that treats you like ****

Only way to have a FTE kiddo

 

[Get Right]

and I've never worked a full 9-to-5

Go get a 9 to 5. That will both reveal the "script" and give you a few FTE's in the process.

 

[TonyStark]

People are too honest on the internet.

 

[Olimac21]

Go get a 9 to 5. That will both reveal the "script" and give you a few FTE's in the process.

1000% agree, go to a 9-5, few meetings, desmotivated co-workers, slow career progression and FTE will appear itself lol.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

I'm very comfortable living with my mom

In other words, you'll never have one.

You can't have an FTE while living like a child.

It's like saying, "Hey, my 12 year old hasn't had an FTE yet, what should I do?"

Answer: Grow up.

And FTE requires that you live in the real world with real expenses and real life drama.

Work 50 hours a week and watch 30% of your income disappear and then later be told you have to pay $931/mo in health insurance for a shitty Obamacare Bronze plan. Pray for Friday to arrive only to be so tired and spent that you spend the weekend recharging only to repeat.

Sorry to be so blunt, adults get FTEs, children do not.

If you've never even lived out of home, and have no responsibility you will never have one.

+1

My advice? Get a job and get out in the real world to experience it for yourself.

We can't tell you the fire is HOT, you have to feel the burn yourself.

Welcome to the forum and thanks for the honesty.

We hope we can help you transition to a new phase of your life.

 

[Shepherd]

I've saved up enough money to pay for car insurance for at least 3-4 years, but everything else (food, electricity, internet, water, etc.) is being cover by mom who's letting me stay at her place for the foreseeable future.

Have you considered paying your mom for your portion of rent, food, electricity, etc.? If not, why not? And it doesn't matter if she's independently wealthy or hasn't asked you to help. Do it anyway.

 

[Timmy C]

Have you considered paying your mom for your portion of rent, food, electricity, etc.? If not, why not? And it doesn't matter if she's independently wealthy or hasn't asked you to help. Do it anyway.

This.

You have to pay your own way this is non negotiable. And don't be a man child and let mummy do you washing etc, if anything you help them more, they are getting older and need your help.

 

[pawon]

People are too honest on the internet.

I was just thinking... at least this guy is being very honest with himself..

Eatman, I don't know how old you are.. but maybe you gotta think about WHY you are still living with your mom, maybe there's some deeper stuff there...

 

[Plank]

Force it....
I have FTMoments monthly an FTE won't hit you, until its the very last thing you could want or need to happen...
It'll be when your least expecting it at the moment you think shit can't get any worse then whatever is going on then bamm.. It will happen then.. You will not be happy to see it.. you will look back on it like Jesus that sucked but it made me a better man..

 

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[ryanbleau]

FTE's come from pivotal life events or having suffered under the hand of someone else for years. You my friend have neither of those if you live at home and are taken care of like a toddler. Get a job. Get life experience. And thank your mother for putting up with you.

 

[ALC]

Your FTE can happen anytime, seeing your family struggling and hitting a point of supposed no return or anything like that. It could be losing someone, not being able to afford this ONE item that you want so bad but can't afford because you don't make enough money.
It could be when a girl throw you (FTE in Relationship / Hard lesson).

Wether you're living with your mom or not it can happen anytime.

 

[Zcott]

Sounds like you have it easy and you haven't been hurt enough yet to kick your aspiration into action.

FTE's typically have a strong emotional attachment which kick people into action. Wanting to be rich isn't enough.

I suggest you get a job. If you want, go to a temp agency and find work for a few weeks. Then you will see what the script is all about. When you're working ask yourself if that is what you want for the rest of your life.

 

[HUSTLIN HEATHEN]

Sell coke.

Jk...unless you've got a good connect.

You want solid advice? MOVE THE HELL OUT.

2 years ago I was in a very similar boat as you. 24-yr-old pussy-chasing deadbeat from St. Paul, Minnesota. Chillin in the comfort of my parents' basement. I had a couple g's in my bank account. But ZERO direction.

Until one day I decided to GET THE HELL OUT.

I drove 24-27 hours non-stop to South Texas. And never looked back.

These days I'm fully self-employed, chasing paper 24/7. I pay all my bills, rent, etc. and make anywhere between $500-$800 a week. I grind like a motherfcker and love every second of it.

Like MJ DeMarco said (paraphrasing) find your tailwind. The thing that lights a fire under your a$$ to get you going.

For me it was the fear of becoming a washed-up, middle-aged nobody. Still swiping right and drunk messaging Tinder chicks in my mom's basement.

You say you hate yourself? GOOD. SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Earn more than what you spend. Spend less than what you earn.

THEN PICK A PLACE FAR AWAY FROM HOME. AND MAKE A F*ckING MOVE.

 

[Xeon]

In the book Unscripted , MJ DeMarco talked about a "f*ck This Event" (FTE) in which clarity hits you like a truck, and you're motivated to change and take action regardless of fear or social norms. I've never had this type of event, and maybe because of this, I'm having a real difficult time finding motivation/consistency in my execution.

I've been stuck in a cycle of lazing around, reflecting on my (lack of) work, hating myself, whipping myself to work hard, running out of willpower, getting burned out, lazing around, and repeat.

If I were to guess, a cause could be that I'm very comfortable living with my mom (without a job), so there's no sense of urgency, and I've never worked a full 9-to-5, so I can only imagine how bad it is from MJ DeMarco's story. Either way, please feel free to give some honest advice, that would be greatly appreciated.

Just wondering, what's your age?

 

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[Timmy C]

Work 50 hours a week and watch 30% of your income disappear and then later be told you have to pay $931/mo in health insurance for a sh*tty Obamacare Bronze plan. Pray for Friday to arrive only to be so tired and spent that you spend the weekend recharging only to repeat.

what slowlaner these days only work 5 days a week? i'm working 6 days minimum with no choice, where is this slowlane wonderland you speak of.

 

[SamuraiRod]

I've felt the same exact way before... Lived in a good home, had good parents, no real struggle. I was scared of trouble but at the same time invited it to my life. When I got $1500 deep in trouble and had to shamefully ask my mom ( who borrows money from me ) to pay some of that, then the seeds of change began to manifest greatly. Along with a few other events.

But that's not you.

In addition to the other comments, I'd like to add something you might not have considered.

One of the fundamental laws of the universe is that every action leads to an equal and opposite reaction. Action is the only way to feel the dramatic and potentially life-changing reaction. Go get uncomfortable. There is always more to life and more to do beyond your current situation. Do more for the sake of doing more. Make big goals and focus heavily on accomplishing them. It's your duty to yourself and your family to evolve and grow, otherwise you wither and die.

Take massive action towards something. Your FTE will come pounding at your door when the universe realizes that you mean business.

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

Stop being an idiot. This is one of the dumbest threads I've see in awhile.

You either want to make money or don't. There's not going to be a checkbox you get to seek and cross off that gives you a burst of energy and motivation.

Be lazy and live with mommy, or find your balls and make money. Stop being an idiot and stop looking for motivation anywhere outside of yourself. You have the motivation within yourself.

If you want to make money and live a cool life then make it. If you don't then don't.

 

[The Abundant Man]

Seriously dude.

Set your alarm an hour earlier than you normally wake up. Go take a walk or run for 30 minutes.

Throw away all the food in your house. Go to your grocery store and shop the perimeter of the store. Nothing but meat, vegetables, seafood and nuts/seeds. All natural whole foods.

Go get a job. Fill out resumes. This will be your full time job. Personally go to places or call them. In fact, before anything get a job. This is your #1 priority.

Once you've gotten a job move out! Look for apartments to live at. Make appointments and check them out.

Go get a gym membership. Ask someone to help you out and start training with them.

After 3 months, go to your local mall. Ask any female associate. They will be willing to style you.

Get a new haircut at your barbership.

Read 1 book a month.

Start talking to at least 1 person a day. 75% of the conversation should be you asking questions and listening. Remember, FORM/FORD(Family, Occupation, Recreation, Motivation/Dreams)

I know you can do this! I believe in you!

 

[Niptuck MD]

is being cover by mom who's letting me stay at her place for the foreseeable future.

at some point, you would be doing her a favor if you moved out of the nest.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

While I think I've confessed this in one (maybe both) of my books, I didn't move out of my mom's house until I was 25 (not 26 like I've said before).

However I would mention that I had a job -- starting at age 16. Always worked my a$$ off. Always had a job and earned money and paid my bills, car insurance, gas, health insurance, etc. I was always poking the box, learning, and hustling. In other words, I wasn't sitting at home playing video games all day while on welfare.

There's nothing wrong with living at home if your parents are amenable and you're HUSTLING.

The problem is if you're sitting at home doing nothing but striving for the next level on the latest video game. Unfortunately that's a lot of early-20's men/children today.

 

[justacar]

The problem is if you're sitting at home doing nothing but striving for the next level on the latest video game. Unfortunately that's a lot of early-20's men/children today.

100% !!! Also, I know people in their 30's and 40's who still do that... by being in their comfy relationship & their 9-5 job. I used to be one of them (part of me still is... I'm beating the bastard over the head with a stick each day. it's an ugly fight).

If you need an FTE, here's one:

You will die.

Everyone on this forum will, at some point. Even you. Just think about that fact while you're staring at this screen, or later while you're lying in bed. If the fact that you, your existence will end, doesn't scare the shit out of you, then think about this next one:

Will you die, having lived?

If you consider lazing around living, sure. But there are so many places to go to in the world, so many experiences to make, so much stuff to create, to build, to do. You can't experience any of the excitement out there if you don't have the possibility to do so. Possibility as in financial freedom.

Trust me on this one: you don't want to wake up at 40, with half (or more?) of your life being over, your joints aching, your kid & spouse & parents relying on you, as you realize that you've really just been lingering on the sidewalk this whole time.

In other words...

Take a good, hard look into the mirror. That dude? He's a goner. Question is, do you kill him and build a new person? Or will he just keep existing until his time comes?