THIS is why you are STUCK.

[AroundTheWorld]

BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT BACKWARDS...​

I've noticed a trend. People read the book, they get excited about all the things they want to HAVE, and then they come to this forum asking some version of "What's next?"

If you look deeper, you see that they are thinking in terms of: Have. Do. Be.

HAVE: They want to HAVE things. They want the car or the house or the pool or the fabulous vacations or the amazing partner or the bank account with a lot of zeros.

DO: Then they ask... What do I need to DO to HAVE all those things? Sell products on Amazon? Invent something? Create a sales funnel? Find a product on Alibaba? Crack the code? Get in the Fastlane? Find a Vehicle?

BE: Then, they say.... If I HAVE all those things by DOING the thing I'm going to do, THEN, I will BE happy... successful... amazing.... giving...

Sorry to break it too you, but that is exactly backwards.

If you are thinking this way, then you are CHASING MONEY. You are NOT creating value, and your desire for happiness will elude you.

What is the solution? FLIP IT ON ITS HEAD...

FIRST: BE

BE the person you want to be.

BE happy by deciding to be happy. It doesn't take the house or the pool or the vacation. It takes you choosing happiness, in that moment. BE an entrepreneur. It doesn't take owning a company you will be taking public next week, or launching a kickstarter campaign, or getting onto shark tank. Sure, those things may come... but that doesn't make you an entrepreneur.

BE an entrepreneur by deciding. Decide to wake up, each and every day and making a decision to RUN your business, or LEARN something that will improve your business, or TAKE the next step - even though it is hard.

BE a philanthropist or missionally oriented by looking at a homeless person in the eye, or taking in a foster child, or giving a loan on Kiva or volunteering for your favorite charity.

The list is endless. WHO do you WANT to be? WHO do you know you are... deep down? Forgiving? Understanding? Motivating? Strong? A leader? A generous person? A compassionate person? A happy person? A family person?

DON'T WAIT to be the person you are meant to be. DO IT NOW. The only thing holding you back is THE DECISION TO DO IT.

THEN: DO

Only when you know the person you ARE. Only when you are BEING the person you are, can you EFFECTIVELY DO.

When you ARE an entrepreneur, then you wake up every day and DO THE WORK of entrepreneurship. You make the calls, solve the problems, develop the systems.

When you ARE giving, you take the time to volunteer at the charity, or listen compassionately, or love deeply.

The act of DOING flows easily from the person you ARE.

The DOING will be creating VALUE, because you are not chasing the all might dollar. You understand that the dollar will come to you when you provide value.

FINALLY: YOU WILL HAVE

Having.... they money, the things, the cars. All these "things" will flow naturally out of your DOING. They will never come to you if you are chasing them with no other motivation or understanding. Or they may come to you temporarily, but they will leave you again soon enough - if you haven't build the foundation you need.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

In other words, or for those who TL;DR things... change your identity if you want to change your results.

There's a long thread going on INSIDE about someone struggling with addiction. (Entitled "Self FN Discipline") We mentioned this there -- motivation often falls short and what really needs to go on is an identity change.

For example...

I want to be an entrepreneur.

NO.

You are an entrepreneur.

In the world of health...

I want to be a non-smoker.

NO.

I am a non-smoker.

Then when someone asks, "Cigarette?" It violates your identity to say "Yes" or "Sure, maybe just one." The answer becomes a quick NO.

Motivation is fleeting. Identity is lifelong.

Rep+

 

[SteveO]

BE happy by deciding to be happy.

!!!!!!!!

 

[Mbiz79]

Motivation is fleeting. Identity is lifelong.

 

[bigred]

Amen! Preach it! The best post I have read in a long time!

 

[LeftBench]

Great post!

 

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[Stanley Mala]

Bookmarked! Great post!

 

[IceCreamKid]

Wow this is creepy. A few days ago I was thinking for hours about writing a post discussing why people get stuck. The idea was inspired after I read a thread about a girl and her boyfriend who read TMF , but didn't know what to do next.

I really like how you approached it from a "choose yourself" angle. Forgetting "perfection" in order to have the opportunity to be your authentic self.

 

[Catalyst]

This post is spot on and should be required reading.

 

[PeeVee]

Great post.

 

[bensonj]

YES! YES! YES @AroundTheWorld!!!!

 

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[LightHouse]

ATW is coming back with those heavy hitters!

 

[Jfaber]

Excellent

 

[paulan]

Awesome post!

 

[Rawr]

In other words, or for those who TL;DR things... change your identity if you want to change your results.

There's a long thread going on INSIDE about someone struggling with addiction. (Entitled "Self FN Discipline") We mentioned this there -- motivation often falls short and what really needs to go on is an identity change.

For example...

I want to be an entrepreneur.

NO.

You are an entrepreneur.

In the world of health...

I want to be a non-smoker.

NO.

I am a non-smoker.

Then when someone asks, "Cigarette?" It violates your identity to say "Yes" or "Sure, maybe just one." The answer becomes a quick NO.

Motivation is fleeting. Identity is lifelong.

Rep+

Here is a very good video about how to create your identity through choices. I usually stay away from TED but give this one time and about halfway into it something in your brain will start sparking.



http://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices



You create your identity through things you do and DO NOT do. As you think you shall become. Think big, think process and think freedom.

 

[Boo Blizzi]

I have witnessed the maturity of this forum and it's funny how it is becoming just like some of the older so-called "help" or "business" forums I know.

When I first came here, anyone could ask the most basic question and get a friendly, non-judgmental, instructional reply. Most of the posts I read today are from people who have some degree of insight and are "talking down" to new freedom seekers. They read MJ's book and now they are preachers.

I've been broke and I've had money. And let me tell you... when your just starting out and/or broke... you have no idea what kind of person you could become once you get $2 over lunch money. Money is transformational. It's one thing to carry yourself like you're rich, but it's a totally other thing to actually experience. That experience will broaden your horizons unlike anything you could ever imagine. People will look at you differently and treat you differently.

You will evaluate things differently. Almost every person of means I know values time and guards it jealously. When you are just getting started, you will waste time entertaining any and everyone you think can help you get a leg up.

I personally don't think you can really "BE" first... what you'd "BE" is a fake. And if you're a person with integrity it would bother you.

You think MJ would have wrote his book if he was still delivering pizzas or driving limos? You think he would have started this forum if he didn't already have experience on the subject matter or a successful online biz? What do you think gives him the balls to go against the grain of society's norms and tell you to buck them in pursuit of your financial dreams? Why do you take his advice of how to become a millionaire seriously?

He is able to do these things because of money... it changed him. It made him more powerful, more confident in his abilities. And that kind of confidence has a way of attracting people and good fortune to you. (MJ, you chime in if I'm wrong)

How to accumulate money is why most freedom seekers come to this forum. Sure they need to learn about the pitfalls of chasing money and the virtues of value creation, but I think it would be more instructional to point people who ask "noobie" questions to posts that have explained or answered what they are searching for, as opposed to posting some "high brow" mental concept that will do them no good at this point in their journey.

</rant>

 

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[leono]

I don't know... I always thought the philosophy of Be --> Do --> Have to be slightly off. How can I BE a nonsmoker when I DO the actions of a smoker? Wouldn't it be Do --> Be --> Have?

DO the actions to BEcome the person to HAVE the experience.

You know, somthing along the lines of what Aristotle said: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." And my interpretation of habits is that they are simply actions we repeatedly do over time.

Or am I off base here?

 

[Fujin]

Great. Thanks

 

[Iwokeup]

I have witnessed the maturity of this forum and it's funny how it is becoming just like some of the older so-called "help" or "business" forums I know.

When I first came here, anyone could ask the most basic question and get a friendly, non-judgmental, instructional reply. Most of the posts I read today are from people who have some degree of insight and are "talking down" to new freedom seekers. They read MJ's book and now they are preachers.

I've been broke and I've had money. And let me tell you... when your just starting out and/or broke... you have no idea what kind of person you could become once you get $2 over lunch money. Money is transformational. It's one thing to carry yourself like you're rich, but it's a totally other thing to actually experience. That experience will broaden your horizons unlike anything you could ever imagine. People will look at you differently and treat you differently.

You will evaluate things differently. Almost every person of means I know values time and guards it jealously. When you are just getting started, you will waste time entertaining any and everyone you think can help you get a leg up.

I personally don't think you can really "BE" first... what you'd "BE" is a fake. And if you're a person with integrity it would bother you.

You think MJ would have wrote his book if he was still delivering pizzas or driving limos? You think he would have started this forum if he didn't already have experience on the subject matter or a successful online biz? What do you think gives him the balls to go against the grain of society's norms and tell you to buck them in pursuit of your financial dreams? Why do you take his advice of how to become a millionaire seriously?

He is able to do these things because of money... it changed him. It made him more powerful, more confident in his abilities. And that kind of confidence has a way of attracting people and good fortune to you. (MJ, you chime in if I'm wrong)

How to accumulate money is why most freedom seekers come to this forum. Sure they need to learn about the pitfalls of chasing money and the virtues of value creation, but I think it would be more instructional to point people who ask "noobie" questions to posts that have explained or answered what they are searching for, as opposed to posting some "high brow" mental concept that will do them no good at this point in their journey.

</rant>

With respect to "how to accumulate money" question: I'll have to say that in many ways I totally agree with you. Both The Wife and I have both been extremely poor. So much so that spending $20 on yourself in a month was considered the limit of what you could do. This was true even in residency, let alone medical school. So we definitely know poor. Hell, my wife grew up raising chickens....

For those of you who have never experienced real poverty I'll bet that it's extremely difficult to imagine being something other than poor. I will tell you that the Sidewalk Mentality is rampant because it seems that nothing is in your control, just like MJ said.

On the other hand, you gotta start somewhere. And for me, that was a burning desire (even before HS was finished) that I Wanted to Do Something Big.

Old goals:

o Succeed in the Marine Corps (done)
o Go to college (done)
o Go to graduate school (done)
o Be a doctor (done, and doing)

It wasn't until I got to my current point (with much more money even though I drive a car a decade old & with 220K miles on it) that I realized it was all still Slowlane because of the lack of control. I had never really imagined myself as an entrepeneur...Then I found @MJ DeMarco 's book and and it was a lens focusing the sunlight into a bright, burning flame... Then I read @Vigilante 's, @JackEdwards ' and @biophase s threads and things just exploded inside my mind.

Having enough money to breathe allowed the mind to consider other possibilities..

I will tell you that when I tell other physicians that being a physician is now my secondary thing they have a really difficult time understanding why I would want to "get out." I understand: you work so hard for so long, why would you leave it? I am plagued by the same doubts...but the fear of being at the mercy of the Man or the Gubmint is greater. And so I press on.....

TL;DR:

0 Not having money makes it extremely difficult to imagine anything else until you have some money
o That being said, you gotta look up outta your foxhole at some point and say, "There has to be a better way than this!" <== You have to want more!
o Once you have money (enough to take care of Roof, Food, lights) then and only then can you really Get Going on the Fastlane.
o Just remember where you were once and where you aspire to be.....

In other forums where I've been a mod, we usually dealt with the same thing: We usually posted a sticky with a FAQ...not that anyone actually read it before posting a n00b question...

My two cents.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

When I first came here, anyone could ask the most basic question and get a friendly, non-judgmental, instructional reply.

Are you apart of the problem? Or part of the solution? I don't see any recent contributions from you. Forums are mostly take with little give. The people complaining are usually the takers. They expect all give from the givers and when the givers don't feel respected, or their advice is ignored (not even a click thanks) or when their shit is stolen, they leave. Forums are like mini-socialist experiments... once everyone sits on the side of TAKE and there is no one left to GIVE, they die.

I personally don't think you can really "BE" first... what you'd "BE" is a fake. And if you're a person with integrity it would bother you.

I understand what you're saying here. However, IMO, you are describing "fake it until you make it" -- that's not what this is advocating. It's advocating becoming someone who you need to become to effect real change.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit

Exactly. Going on a diet is not excellence. Declaring that you are healthy and will eat, exercise, and live to that standard is. The habit will validate the character change, or expose you as a fraud.

You think MJ would have wrote his book if he was still delivering pizzas or driving limos?

He is able to do these things because of money... it changed him.

Money didn't change me, the process changed me. Money was the result of that process. I've been an entrepreneur my entire life. It's in my DNA and my character. And half of that life, I've been broke.

Please put this post in perspective of this type of thinking...

"I'm going to give this Fastlane a try!"
"TMF was great, gonna give it a shot"

All the above are signals of failure because you aren't backing your declaration with character. Entrepreneurship has to become apart of your character and essence, and it has nothing to do with money. Fastlane is not something you try, it's something you live. BE. Then DO. Then Have.

 

[Formless]

An influx of great post these past few days.

 

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[SteveO]

I think @AroundTheWorld spelled this out perfectly.

It is important to be the right person. This should not change as you acquire wealth. I know a few people that have gotten rich in front of my eyes. They did not change much. Some of them are good friends from this forum.

I don't think I have changed. The only people that seem to treat me differently are some employees.

This post is valid and helpful.

 

[Iwokeup]

I think @AroundTheWorld spelled this out perfectly.

It is important to be the right person. This should not change as you acquire wealth. I know a few people that have gotten rich in front of my eyes. They did not change much. Some of them are good friends from this forum.

I don't think I have changed. The only people that seem to treat me differently are some employees.

This post is valid and helpful.

So what is change, exactly?

If someone has never known that they can be a Fast Laner but then they discover how to do so (by reading MJ's book, or some other catalyst) and change their behaviors and become wealthy...have they changed?

I think what you and @AroundTheWorld are saying is that, once you decide to change then you have to be the change. Yes? I totally agree with this. Once you decide with your mind then you have to change by doing every.single.day. To paraphrase Yoda: "Do or do not. There is no try."

Great discussion, btw. Thanks y'all.

 

[craig1928]

http://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Money does not change who you are.... it acts as a magnifier...

If you are an irresponsible spender when you are broke,
you will find your problems have multiplied after you have money.

If you are not an ethical person when you are broke, your unethical ways will sink you when you have more at stake.

DO the actions to BEcome the person to HAVE the experience.

You know, somthing along the lines of what Aristotle said: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." And my interpretation of habits is that they are simply actions we repeatedly do over time.

Or am I off base here?

I get what you are saying, but here is where it is tricky...

WHY do so many people fail to follow through on creating new habits? It is the human experience.

Why are there so many people in the gym for the first few weeks in January - but the not in February, June, or September? The list goes on and on...

WHY DON'T THE HABITS STICK?

Because the people that are trying to change are simply trying to act their way into something new.... they are acting their way into entrepreneurship, or health, or happy relationships.

It will work for a while, but it won't last.... unless the motivation is coming from something deeper than that.

 

[omar]

​

FIRST: BE

BE the person you want to be.

The list is endless. WHO do you WANT to be? WHO do you know you are... deep down? Forgiving? Understanding? Motivating? Strong? A leader? A generous person? A compassionate person? A happy person? A family person?

DON'T WAIT to be the person you are meant to be. DO IT NOW. The only thing holding you back is THE DECISION TO DO IT.

THEN: DO

Only when you know the person you ARE. Only when you are BEING the person you are, can you EFFECTIVELY DO.

Actually the research shows that you have to DO first and then you'll change. Behavior should come before motivation. Behavior causes change and affects your motivation positively.

But I think you're essentially saying the same thing also.

 

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[SteveO]

People tend to put their wants first. I believe that the original premise of the post is that you should put your focus on yourself, not on your desires. Take care of yourself and your own issues. Once this is done, the rest will fall into place.

The part of her post that resonates with me is the part about being happy. When I had lost 10M and had nothing left, all I could think about was misery and pain. It was all self inflicted. This went on for quite a while. One day as I was reflecting, I happened to think about the fact that I was no happier when I had what seemed like an endless supply of money than I was when I was 18 and had no money. I was jobless and sleeping in my car under bridges. This helped bring me out of my misery.

This world is not about pain and misery unless we make it be. It is about fun and happiness if we CHOOSE.

I grew up in poverty. I have worked slowlane jobs. I have worked for myself. I have also spent a number of years of my life with wealth and no job by choice. I know how it all feels.

 

[tminch55]

Printed this out at work today and showed it to a co-worker who is also trying to escape the 40 hour prison. Very motivating and true. I am very guilty of rushing the process to obtain wealth. Wouldnt you know that I haven't been successful yet? Thanks for this!

 

[Mattie]

Usually people get stuck because they're living in the past most of the time. Rewinding every mistake, failure, every negative message from outside and negative self talk. Otherwise they're caught in the future wasting time and day dreaming. It's pretty much that simple.

The only place you can do anything is right now. I usually say move. If you're not moving than you're stuck. There's different ways to word it, there are different templates for different people. Everyone doesn't fit one size fits all. It's what works for the individual. Everyone has different learning styles. I don't think you can make clones of M.J., but I guess if you're a millionaire it's not impossible.

 

[ryanpal]

great post. i've been a little guilty of htis the past year. time to set things back on a new path