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Get your priorities straight dude.<br />
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You are. And you'll never get that time back. You're going to miss every milestone. You'll think you saw your baby's first steps, but it's only because your wife doesn't have the heart to tell you that they actually happened 2 weeks ago when you were living in another city for who knows the F*ck why.<br />
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You're a vice principal, cool. So you're working 2x the hours of a teacher for like 25% more pay. Does that really sound like a good trade off to you?<br />
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I hope the behavior problems that end up in your office this school year truly appreciate how much more time you're spending with them than YOUR OWN CHILD.<br />
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Talk to your wife and work out a solution that somehow gets you guys together. One of you needs to leave (or you could both move into a place halfway in between... but that's 45 min each way and a sole-sucking commute for each of you... not to mention the fuel costs... so probably better not to). And money isn't the only decision making factor here. There are other things that are important. Best relationship advice I ever got: "If it's important to you, it's important to me".<br />
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So who am I to be talking to you like this?:<br />
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<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Music major in college (like you)</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Then a high school music teacher (Like you, I didn't love teaching, plus the hours were insane)</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Switched to middle school music teacher for less pay, because the hours were way better and I could spend more time at home. (But I liked the job even less).</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Then turned down a promotion because it would've been 2x the work for 5% pay bump (and again, I valued my time at home more than the money)</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Took a 3 month unpaid parental leave the day my daughter was born, to help my wife through post-partum, and to hang with the newborn... and also got some fastlane shit in the works (and dedicated every evening to it when my leave was up. <i>Do some digging through my ancient post history and you may find stories about me skyping with chinese factories at 2am one handed while my daughter was taking a bottle with the other.</i></li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Quit my teacher job 18 months later, making twice my teacher salary from the fastlane biz. (which was a jewelry biz btw, which from your post history sounds like the business idea you never executed on).</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">A week later took a 2 month trip with my wife and 18-month old to Europe, living the dream.</li>
</ul><i>(And like you, my wife earns next to nothing working a minimum wage job she loves at a small family-owned place, and has done so for the last 15 years, so I didn't have her income to fall back on either.)</i><br />
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So you and I have a lot of similarities in our stories.<br />
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Where our paths diverged, is I prioritized making choices that brought me closer to family and freedom over advancing in a career that I didn't even like, and you've done the opposite.
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</blockquote>Thank you for your reply; yes we have a lot in common. I'm glad you had your priorities straight and made it to the Fastlane. You sound like you took a problem, solved it, and made an incredible life for yourself and your family.<br />
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I am trying to look for another job closer to my wife. I literally spend every hour after work and the gym searching for jobs, sending out resumes, and pasting/attaching cover letters in order to find a job that's near her. It hasn't been easy finding another administrative position in education. <br />
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One day I hope to quit my job altogether and be my own boss. And you're absolutely right- I never started the jewelry business. I sold a few pieces and stopped as I got frustrated with the crowded space and competition. But, now that I think about it, that's not enough of a reason to quit. And perhaps I do need to go back to jewelry and pursue it as a side gig until it is successful enough where I could do it full time.<br />
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You're absolutely right. I spend more time dealing with the problems of other people's children and spend less time with my own. Something has to give. <br />
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I thought about getting a place half way, but I don't want her to travel across a bridge, with the baby, and hit all of that traffic. That's no way to live. The was our original solution. Which still brings me to the two options: <br />
1) I get a place half way and see her weekends and I come up visit her and the baby for 1-2 days a week but then the baby sees my wife's family more than me..<br />
2) Get her to leave the family business and just live with me.. <br />
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<blockquote data-attributes="member: 51608" data-quote="WJK" data-source="post: 1078359"
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Your problem is your relationship with your wife. She doesn't want to leave her mother. She hasn't grown up and committed to being married to you. So, she is more married to her mother than to you.... or you are unwittingly a second-string "husband" to your mother-in-law. She is calling the shots in your life. How can you win? I don't know. Your relationships with your wife and daughter are both on the line. And your wife's family is going to drive a wedge in your marriage if you make a fuss. This is one of those moments where you are damned if do and damned if you don't. Sorry to give you a reality check. I know this all hurts a lot!
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I think about this sometimes, and occasionally tell her that she needs to grow up. Her mother owns a daycare in her house. It's a small operation with 9-12 kids. She could leave the business and her mom could run it herself and just take on less kids. But, then she wouldn't be working and she doesn't want to financially rely on me. Believe me, it sucks when I finally get to see my daughter on the weekend, and her cousins or other family members come up and want to see her and I'm robbed of more time with her. Something has to give.</div>
