How do i create trust in the fastlane for my slowlane girlfriend?

[devbe83]

My wife is partially in the fastlane mindset. She knows there's process involved, and that process takes time. I did ask her to be very sceptical about anything I come up with. It means my idea must be strong enough (or tought through enough) if I don't want a proverbial slap in the face.

It might actually be a benefit she doesn't (yet?) buy into the fastlane mindset. You mentioned she's a sceptic person, and that may just be the best counterbalance to have. Someone to keep your feet on the ground, to slap you in the face when after three tries that half-assed idea still doesn't work out and you should start focusing on something else. Someone to bounce ideas with.

I would not worry about getting her into the fastlane mindset. All you need is enough wiggle room and to try, fail, and try again. And an open line of communication where you can share your worries and dreams, and each contribute to those dreams in your own way. And as many others here said before: proof is in the pudding. Get that fastlane rolling, and look back together how the process was not only a fastlane process but also a growth process in life.

 

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[ideasunlimited1]

The Secret?

Omg, Oprah is here?! Oprah, I love your work!

 

[FreakyThomas]

Thomas, I think you're misreading what wanted to express.

I have two kids, aged 3 and 1. I've also been self-employed since 2011. The business I built up to when my first son was born allowed me to focus on my family during his first year on earth, so fastlane is definitely fantastic for that, but that first year after birth is also an enormously stressful period for both parents because of the massive sleep deprivation and new responsibilities.

Talk to any new parent during the first year and ask them about their energy levels or how they feel about putting in hard effort into anything.

Maybe you're different. Maybe you can do creative work for 8+ hours per day on 5 hours of interrupted sleep, but I can't.

My schedule before I had kids:

4:50 AM getting up
5 AM - 4 PM Work (2 jobs + finishing my degree)
4 PM - 5 PM Sports
5 PM - 7 PM Grocery shopping, dinner, RnR
8:30 PM bed time

My schedule with kids:

6 AM getting up
7 AM - 9 AM making breakfasting, bringing kids to daycare
9:30 AM - 2:30 PM work
2:30 PM - 2:50 PM lunch
3 PM - 7 PM pick kids up from daycare, afternoon activities with kids, grocery shopping, making dinner
8 PM - 9 PM getting kids to bed
9 PM - 10 PM RnR or, depending on level of sleep deprivation, staying in bed

You're looking at 10+ hours of work with maximum motivation and maximum energy on one side and (at best under current circumstances) 5 hours of work with severely depleted levels of energy and low stress resistance on the other side.

Let me ask you:

Which situation do you think is more conducive for creating a fastlane business if you're doing it for the first time and are not yet able to pay your bills through it, like OP mentioned on page 1?

Would you say it's responsible to have children if your income isn't secure yet?

The situation is different once your business does produce a steady income stream you can rely on, but until that point having children will make going fastlane tremendously more difficult. Combined with a skeptical girlfriend that situation is more likely to pressure someone into going slowlane than it is to helping you succeed with your actual goals.

I can only speak based on my own experience and the way I do things and with that in mind I can tell you with 100% certainty that it would not have been possible for me to create my business if I had had an infant child in 2011.

You're right, I thought your message was general and not specific to OP.
I agree that it's way more difficult with children, of course.
I just wanted to point that it's not impossible, even if way more difficult ; but it's ok if we disagree on this. You're the one who had children so your experience is clearly worth listening to.

 

[fortu1992]

Boom.

A principle that I've written about in the next book is called, "Done Beats Doubt."

When someone doubts your goals or visions, there is no remedy to changing their minds except by actually DOING IT. Make it done and the doubt disappears.

Years ago I remember the first time my mom had to help me with my billing process. At the time she really didn't understand my business (or entrepreneurship) but when she saw all the money that was coming in, I could tell she had a light-bulb go off. I vividly remember her saying, "All these people owe you this kind of money?" Suddenly DOUBT was gone because I DONE IT.

when will your next book be released?

 

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[NMdad]

to continue on what @AgainstAllOdds said ...... my girlfriend was skeptical of the health / diet advice i was giving. So i followed my advice (workouts and food log) and lost 15 lbs while she followed hers and lost 1 lb. Then I went the opposite direction (weight lifting and food log) while gaining 10 lbs (on purpose) while she stayed on her plan and gained the 1 lb back.

Now she got me to build a plan / process for her that she is using and losing 1 to 2 lb per week.

Want to convert her? .... shut up until you have results and a process for getting them.

This is behavioral contagion. Exemplify what you'd like others to do, and they often (not always) get influenced by you. You're the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with; so, who's spending the most time with YOU?

"I'll believe it when I see it." So show them.

 

[The Abundant Man]

 

[458]

Stop asking for permission. I didn't read anything except the title of your thread. The reason your girlfriend thinks whatever is because your seeking approval for whatever your trying to do instead of just doing it and being successful. Just do it.

 

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[ZF Lee]

Years ago I remember the first time my mom had to help me with my billing process.

I envy you...

I have to do my own Excel accounts and book entry every end of the month...

And when the cashflow cycles eat more than a week, or you spot one element that is eating all the cash....

She has to go.

I don't think OP will have to make this hard decision...

But I myself have seen how the wrong kind of ladies F*cks up perfectly good men.
And they pass the damage on to their children.

Children like me.
I'm a victim of parents who made these shitty decisions (telling my story would take some alcohol and 5 hours of a negative rant lol).

Not to blame them, but that's what happened.

As a result, I've had to start out on Fastlane with a F*cked social attitude and an emotional bank account at risk. I can, and continue to fix them up, but why start out with shit in your car trunk, in the first place?

That's why the wrong ladies dilemma is one of my greatest hate-points, and a powerful motivator for me to become a good man to my girl- I never want her to marry a terrible person, or waste her youth chasing after one.

I mentioned a relative of mine earlier on another thread, who got screwed over by the wrong girl.
Now he keeps asking me on a daily basis about her progress on social media...as she's blocked him and he deleted his apps.

I just lie and say 'nothing happened', because I'm avoiding social media like the plague.

I don't mind if a girl makes you obsessed over good things like Fastlane or education, but if she makes you obsessed over doing shit that doesn't do you any good...