How do i create trust in the fastlane for my slowlane girlfriend?

[GrandRub]

i've been doing the whole "online marketing" and ecommerce thing more seriously for about a year and a half now.
My profits are small - 500€-700€ per month. But since I started from 0€ and most of the growth is organic I see that things work and I am proud to have made it this far. Nevertheless I would earn more if I did a full time "normal" job. No questions...

But my girlfriend is still very skeptical about the whole thing. Unfortunately... I made some mistakes at the beginning and talked too little to her.

She is simply a "Slowlaner". She has a very secure and very well paid job and doesn't understand how to do anything insecure - although of course she is also aware of how much money is spent on the Internet. But she only sees the "big companies".

I also don't expect her to be 100% motivated and to be as involved with the topic as I am.


I would like to help her understand the whole topic more and wanted to show her a documentation or some "beginner text". Unfortunately I find absolutely nothing good.
How do I explain the Fastlane to a Slowlaner?
I have got the impression that she wouldn't have any problem with it if I would earn really well... even if I would do exactly the same. She doesn't understand the process and wants the event "money" and "security.

Do you know the problem?

 

[Wiezel]

Why would it matter if she gets it or not?

Your choice in the end. She can have the slowlane job, if she's happy in it.
In the end you must be happy, whatever your job/goal is.

 

[Johnny boy]

There's a pretty cool book that explains it well. You might have heard of it.

 

[Patrick Jones]

You can't create trust in the fastlane in her. Trusting the fastlane requires trust in oneself.

What problems does she have? How is her life limited by serfdom? I she doesn't have any pains, she's unlikely to convert.

 

[B. Cole]

Don’t worry about it. Rare is a mating pair of fastlaners - focus on your goal, she may eat crow one day if you succeed.

Love her for other reasons. It’s natural to be disappointed when your partner won’t get on board with the mindset, but people are people. She might see your success one day and start to fastlane herself.

Most successful couples are only successful because one of them are fastlane.

I will ask though - what are you doing to grow past your small profits?

 

[MJ DeMarco]

How do I explain the Fastlane to a Slowlaner?

Too bad no one has written a book on the subject.

 

[Kevin88660]

i've been doing the whole "online marketing" and ecommerce thing more seriously for about a year and a half now.
My profits are small - 500€-700€ per month. But since I started from 0€ and most of the growth is organic I see that things work and I am proud to have made it this far. Nevertheless I would earn more if I did a full time "normal" job. No questions...

But my girlfriend is still very skeptical about the whole thing. Unfortunately... I made some mistakes at the beginning and talked too little to her.

She is simply a "Slowlaner". She has a very secure and very well paid job and doesn't understand how to do anything insecure - although of course she is also aware of how much money is spent on the Internet. But she only sees the "big companies".

I also don't expect her to be 100% motivated and to be as involved with the topic as I am.


I would like to help her understand the whole topic more and wanted to show her a documentation or some "beginner text". Unfortunately I find absolutely nothing good.
How do I explain the Fastlane to a Slowlaner?
I have got the impression that she wouldn't have any problem with it if I would earn really well... even if I would do exactly the same. She doesn't understand the process and wants the event "money" and "security.

Do you know the problem?

There is no way you can convince them.

Do not waste your time.

You will be judged by your result. And if you fail and give up you will validate their skepticism. Until that day comes you will be lonely and misunderstood. That is our destiny.

I graduated from a top high school and University in my country. I am an insurance sales rep and the legal entry requirement is only a diploma. I made decent money 2.5x of a typical white collar paper shuffler in the same industry (finance). Until this day I have friends and relatives who told me I should go back shuffling papers and updating numbers in excels in a safe corporate world.

Because to them corporate jobs are secure (but they are not even secure!) and have prospects (Not true also! Many are outsourced to cheaper countries!)

 

[Charnell]

You're not exactly the best ambassador for "fastlane" living. You said it yourself, you would make more from getting a normal job. 5-700 per month is great, keep it up! But why don't you wait until you're making double what she makes or what you could make then start spreading the word?

Who're you going to take fitness advice from the guy who is eating right and working towards a six-pack, or the guy who eats right and has the six-pack?

 

[Raoul Duke]

There's a pretty cool book that explains it well. You might have heard of it.

The Secret?

 

[GrandRub]

You're not exactly the best ambassador for "fastlane" living. You said it yourself, you would make more from getting a normal job. 5-700 per month is great, keep it up! But why don't you wait until you're making double what she makes or what you could make then start spreading the word?

Who're you going to take fitness advice from the guy who is eating right and working towards a six-pack, or the guy who eats right and has the six-pack?

because we live together and i invest a big amount of my time into the things i do. why should i make a mysteriy out of it?

sure i dont pull in the big money - but isnt fastlane a process? and not an event? i would certianly trust a person who is training hard and is seeing results - if i dont have any results.

/and yes i tried showing her the books but she isnt a big fan and cant trust the whole concept. very sceptic person.

 

[Charnell]

/and yes i tried showing her the books but she isnt a big fan and cant trust the whole concept. very sceptic person.

Then stop.

This is on par with changing someone's religion or political affiliation. I'm assuming 20+ years of high school -> college -> job. You're not going to change that with badgering and a pair of books.

I'm guessing the majority of people here have done what you're trying to do now, convince someone that doesn't want that life that for some reason what they want to pursue is wrong. I know I did. Save your energy.

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

Who're you going to take fitness advice from the guy who is eating right and working towards a six-pack, or the guy who eats right and has the six-pack?

@Charnell hits the point right on the head.

Imagine this is your girlfriend:

She's not a super model, but she's pretty, has an average body, and is doing ok. She's happy with where she's at.

Now, the guy on the left is you currently:

He's fat. Out of shape. A physical embarrassment.

Now, imagine the girl above coming home from the gym and the fat guy badgering her: "Babe, I know you want me to do the whole gym thing, but I finally lost 5 pounds. You should really quit your gym too. This is the only real way to lose weight. You stay at home and just workout here. What you're doing is pretty stupid. And no, I don't want to go the gym. That's pointless since I'll never get into peak shape like I would doing my own thing."

He continues this spiel for a YEAR AND A HALF, before losing another 3 pounds. It takes him another 4 years to look like the guy on the right - still not that attractive but finally in the shape he would've been if he went to the gym.

My point is: The only way to convince your girlfriend of the fastlane is to actually be fastlane. Instead of trying to convince her that what you're doing is right, just be grateful that you have a girlfriend that hasn't left you yet after a year and a half of you making no money and staying at home.

 

[Stargazer]

Imagine this is your girlfriend:

She's not a super model, but she's pretty, has an average body, and is doing ok. She's happy with where she's at.

If this is average where you live; that ends my deliberations on where to go on holiday next.

Chicago!

Dan

 

[ideasunlimited1]

Don't change her. You might not think this now, but her being in the "slowlane" might be a grounding, stable voice for you. At the very least, she's a great stand in for the every day consumer to bounce ideas from. It's awesome to soar, but even a bird needs a place to land.

 

[ZCP]

Can she rate you a 10 out of 10 on being a boyfriend / companion / provider / etc.?
If not, quit dicking around and focus on that........

 

[Guest921Y]

Don't focus on changing her. Focus on achieving that fastlane success. The time you spend trying to change her mind won't be worth it. If you two have a good relationship, and you trust each other, then she will trust that what you're doing is what you believe is in your and her best interests.

 

[ZCP]

to continue on what @AgainstAllOdds said ...... my girlfriend was skeptical of the health / diet advice i was giving. So i followed my advice (workouts and food log) and lost 15 lbs while she followed hers and lost 1 lb. Then I went the opposite direction (weight lifting and food log) while gaining 10 lbs (on purpose) while she stayed on her plan and gained the 1 lb back.

Now she got me to build a plan / process for her that she is using and losing 1 to 2 lb per week.

Want to convert her? .... shut up until you have results and a process for getting them.

 

[Guest921Y]

Want to convert her? .... shut up until you have results and a process for getting them.

I meant to add something like this to my reply. Ultimately, proof will be the the best way to show her.. even though it may take time to get there.

 

[PizzaOnTheRoof]

Over lunch, my mom (somehow moms know everything), gave me some very wise advice/truth. What she said was:

Men want respect, women want security.

Try to look at it through her eyes...

Her boyfriend (a potential husband/father) has NO job and LITTLE income to support her.

What's going to happen in the next 5 years? Will we be able to support a family? Am I going to have to be the breadwinner? He can't even afford a ring let alone a house/family?

I GUARANTEE she has thought about all of these at least once, even subconsciously. My GF still does.

Nevertheless I would earn more if I did a full time "normal" job. No questions...

Then get a "normal" job and work online part-time.

Give her SOMETHING to hold on to. SOMETHING to tell her you're serious about your future together. It sounds like she is since she's concerned about these things.

to continue on what @AgainstAllOdds said ...... my girlfriend was skeptical of the health / diet advice i was giving. So i followed my advice (workouts and food log) and lost 15 lbs while she followed hers and lost 1 lb. Then I went the opposite direction (weight lifting and food log) while gaining 10 lbs (on purpose) while she stayed on her plan and gained the 1 lb back.

Now she got me to build a plan / process for her that she is using and losing 1 to 2 lb per week.

Want to convert her? .... shut up until you have results and a process for getting them.

The proof is in the pudding.

 

[Andy Daniels]

The Fastlane journey can be more difficult with a S/O who's not on board.

However, to me it seems like she's not necessarily unsupportive, she just doesn't get it.

My advice is let your action speak louder than words. Go get bigger results and growth, and let your results do all the talking.

Pretty soon, it'll shift from "why the heck are you doing this?" to "how can I get in on this?"



Your getting results and growing. Just hustle your a$$ off and take it to the stratosphere!!

Good luck!

-Andy

 

[Process]

i've been doing the whole "online marketing" and ecommerce thing more seriously for about a year and a half now.
My profits are small - 500€-700€ per month. But since I started from 0€ and most of the growth is organic I see that things work and I am proud to have made it this far. Nevertheless I would earn more if I did a full time "normal" job. No questions...

But my girlfriend is still very skeptical about the whole thing. Unfortunately... I made some mistakes at the beginning and talked too little to her.

She is simply a "Slowlaner". She has a very secure and very well paid job and doesn't understand how to do anything insecure - although of course she is also aware of how much money is spent on the Internet. But she only sees the "big companies".

I also don't expect her to be 100% motivated and to be as involved with the topic as I am.


I would like to help her understand the whole topic more and wanted to show her a documentation or some "beginner text". Unfortunately I find absolutely nothing good.
How do I explain the Fastlane to a Slowlaner?
I have got the impression that she wouldn't have any problem with it if I would earn really well... even if I would do exactly the same. She doesn't understand the process and wants the event "money" and "security.

Do you know the problem?

Do you pay your bills... Do you spend time with her? Then good, it isn’t her business.

Make your results speak for themselves.

It’s more useful than playing video games or jacking off. If she doesn’t like it... she can leave. You don’t need any extra baggage.

 

[ideasunlimited1]

Can she rate you a 10 out of 10 on being a boyfriend / companion / provider / etc.?
If not, quit dicking around and focus on that........

Oh snap, got 'em!

 

[Ecom man]

As many other people have said... results is the answer.

If I was bringing in $500 a month for a year and a half I’m pretty sure my wife would be hounding me too. Not because she is a horrible person or a “slowlaner” but because money is required to live and $500 a month for that long period is worse than just going and working at McDonald’s (in the USA not sure about where you are at).

IMO you need to look more at you and less at your GF.

Why are you only making $500 a month after a year and a half?

Has your monthly income continued to rise or stagnated at that amount?

Are you truly doing all that is possible to increase that or is she seeing you sleeping in late and not doing a whole lot?

My guess is she is not wanting to be with someone making $500 a month for the rest of her life and if you aren’t showing growth in income or building something that could explode... why would she be interested in the Fastlane?

 

[MJ DeMarco]

My point is: The only way to convince your girlfriend of the fastlane is to actually be fastlane.

Boom.

A principle that I've written about in the next book is called, "Done Beats Doubt."

When someone doubts your goals or visions, there is no remedy to changing their minds except by actually DOING IT. Make it done and the doubt disappears.

Years ago I remember the first time my mom had to help me with my billing process. At the time she really didn't understand my business (or entrepreneurship) but when she saw all the money that was coming in, I could tell she had a light-bulb go off. I vividly remember her saying, "All these people owe you this kind of money?" Suddenly DOUBT was gone because I DONE IT.

 

[PureDirect]

To add to what everyone has said so far:

Do not, under any circumstances, have children until you've achieved your fastlane goals.

Kids can be great, but the energy and time they require in the first couple of years make putting effort into your business very difficult (not to mention the strain they will put on a relationship).

Aside from that you've received a ton of great advice already.

 

[Thomas Chauvet]

I know how you feel, my GF is very septic about all this, all slowlane people see is the events, not the process. Entrepreneurship is for them the 1 billion dollar idea like facebook or instagram. They think only big companies with big money can make it, or a lot of luck, and that it's too difficult. That's why they are in the slowlane...
I can't blame her for that.
That's why I'm finishing my medical degree in surgery. It gives me some credit and a safety net. But I must say, some days it is really excruciating to spend so much time and energy training to be a slave, while years are going by, and I see myself becoming older and gaining more responsibilities... This is a real challenge for me.

Keep up the good work, you'll make it. Results speaks for themselves.

To add to what everyone has said so far:

Do not, under any circumstances, have children until you've achieved your fastlane goals.

Kids can be great, but the energy and time they require in the first couple of years make putting effort into your business very difficult (not to mention the strain they will put on a relationship).

Aside from that you've received a ton of great advice already.

Sorry dude, I think you're being a little too categoric on this one. Maybe it's because I don't have kids, but still.
Of course, having kids is a big impairment in terms of time, energy...
But it can also give you a much bigger why, a stronger motivation and purpose.
Anything is possible if you're willing to do the work. There are always solutions.
I've seen people here who achieved the fastlane while having kids, I'll be happy if they could testify btw.
I don't want to mess with you, but may be there's people with kids who says to themselves, " I can't manage it with my kids, I'm damned for a slowlane life ", and I don't think that's 100% true. Not the easiest way thought, we agree on this. But "under any circumstances", c'mon... Fastlane is a good purpose to have in life, but it's not worth sacrificing absolutely everything for it, especially if you don't 100% need to.

 

[Kak]

The Secret?

Hahahahahaha

 

[deepestblue]

Time and time again, the conversion occurs instantaneously when sizable checks come in. Work on that - for yourself though - not her. Good progress so far, keep it up and before long you'll be leveling up.

 

[PureDirect]

Thomas, I think you're misreading what wanted to express.

I have two kids, aged 3 and 1. I've also been self-employed since 2011. The business I built up to when my first son was born allowed me to focus on my family during his first year on earth, so fastlane is definitely fantastic for that, but that first year after birth is also an enormously stressful period for both parents because of the massive sleep deprivation and new responsibilities.

Talk to any new parent during the first year and ask them about their energy levels or how they feel about putting in hard effort into anything.

Maybe you're different. Maybe you can do creative work for 8+ hours per day on 5 hours of interrupted sleep, but I can't.

My schedule before I had kids:

4:50 AM getting up
5 AM - 4 PM Work (2 jobs + finishing my degree)
4 PM - 5 PM Sports
5 PM - 7 PM Grocery shopping, dinner, RnR
8:30 PM bed time

My schedule with kids:

6 AM getting up
7 AM - 9 AM making breakfasting, bringing kids to daycare
9:30 AM - 2:30 PM work
2:30 PM - 2:50 PM lunch
3 PM - 7 PM pick kids up from daycare, afternoon activities with kids, grocery shopping, making dinner
8 PM - 9 PM getting kids to bed
9 PM - 10 PM RnR or, depending on level of sleep deprivation, staying in bed

You're looking at 10+ hours of work with maximum motivation and maximum energy on one side and (at best under current circumstances) 5 hours of work with severely depleted levels of energy and low stress resistance on the other side.

Let me ask you:

Which situation do you think is more conducive for creating a fastlane business if you're doing it for the first time and are not yet able to pay your bills through it, like OP mentioned on page 1?

Would you say it's responsible to have children if your income isn't secure yet?

The situation is different once your business does produce a steady income stream you can rely on, but until that point having children will make going fastlane tremendously more difficult. Combined with a skeptical girlfriend that situation is more likely to pressure someone into going slowlane than it is to helping you succeed with your actual goals.

I can only speak based on my own experience and the way I do things and with that in mind I can tell you with 100% certainty that it would not have been possible for me to create my business if I had had an infant child in 2011.

 

[Xeon]

If you're trying to convince your GF that you saw a dragon in the sky yesterday, you better place that damn thing in front of her eyes so that she can see it, touch it, hear it and feel it.

In this case, the dragon represents your future success.

And if she's not going to give you time to fetch the dragon.......

She has to go.

 

[devbe83]

My wife is partially in the fastlane mindset. She knows there's process involved, and that process takes time. I did ask her to be very sceptical about anything I come up with. It means my idea must be strong enough (or tought through enough) if I don't want a proverbial slap in the face.

It might actually be a benefit she doesn't (yet?) buy into the fastlane mindset. You mentioned she's a sceptic person, and that may just be the best counterbalance to have. Someone to keep your feet on the ground, to slap you in the face when after three tries that half-assed idea still doesn't work out and you should start focusing on something else. Someone to bounce ideas with.

I would not worry about getting her into the fastlane mindset. All you need is enough wiggle room and to try, fail, and try again. And an open line of communication where you can share your worries and dreams, and each contribute to those dreams in your own way. And as many others here said before: proof is in the pudding. Get that fastlane rolling, and look back together how the process was not only a fastlane process but also a growth process in life.

 

[ideasunlimited1]

The Secret?

Omg, Oprah is here?! Oprah, I love your work!

 

[Thomas Chauvet]

Thomas, I think you're misreading what wanted to express.

I have two kids, aged 3 and 1. I've also been self-employed since 2011. The business I built up to when my first son was born allowed me to focus on my family during his first year on earth, so fastlane is definitely fantastic for that, but that first year after birth is also an enormously stressful period for both parents because of the massive sleep deprivation and new responsibilities.

Talk to any new parent during the first year and ask them about their energy levels or how they feel about putting in hard effort into anything.

Maybe you're different. Maybe you can do creative work for 8+ hours per day on 5 hours of interrupted sleep, but I can't.

My schedule before I had kids:

4:50 AM getting up
5 AM - 4 PM Work (2 jobs + finishing my degree)
4 PM - 5 PM Sports
5 PM - 7 PM Grocery shopping, dinner, RnR
8:30 PM bed time

My schedule with kids:

6 AM getting up
7 AM - 9 AM making breakfasting, bringing kids to daycare
9:30 AM - 2:30 PM work
2:30 PM - 2:50 PM lunch
3 PM - 7 PM pick kids up from daycare, afternoon activities with kids, grocery shopping, making dinner
8 PM - 9 PM getting kids to bed
9 PM - 10 PM RnR or, depending on level of sleep deprivation, staying in bed

You're looking at 10+ hours of work with maximum motivation and maximum energy on one side and (at best under current circumstances) 5 hours of work with severely depleted levels of energy and low stress resistance on the other side.

Let me ask you:

Which situation do you think is more conducive for creating a fastlane business if you're doing it for the first time and are not yet able to pay your bills through it, like OP mentioned on page 1?

Would you say it's responsible to have children if your income isn't secure yet?

The situation is different once your business does produce a steady income stream you can rely on, but until that point having children will make going fastlane tremendously more difficult. Combined with a skeptical girlfriend that situation is more likely to pressure someone into going slowlane than it is to helping you succeed with your actual goals.

I can only speak based on my own experience and the way I do things and with that in mind I can tell you with 100% certainty that it would not have been possible for me to create my business if I had had an infant child in 2011.

You're right, I thought your message was general and not specific to OP.
I agree that it's way more difficult with children, of course.
I just wanted to point that it's not impossible, even if way more difficult ; but it's ok if we disagree on this. You're the one who had children so your experience is clearly worth listening to.

 

[fortu1992]

Boom.

A principle that I've written about in the next book is called, "Done Beats Doubt."

When someone doubts your goals or visions, there is no remedy to changing their minds except by actually DOING IT. Make it done and the doubt disappears.

Years ago I remember the first time my mom had to help me with my billing process. At the time she really didn't understand my business (or entrepreneurship) but when she saw all the money that was coming in, I could tell she had a light-bulb go off. I vividly remember her saying, "All these people owe you this kind of money?" Suddenly DOUBT was gone because I DONE IT.

when will your next book be released?

 

[NMdad]

to continue on what @AgainstAllOdds said ...... my girlfriend was skeptical of the health / diet advice i was giving. So i followed my advice (workouts and food log) and lost 15 lbs while she followed hers and lost 1 lb. Then I went the opposite direction (weight lifting and food log) while gaining 10 lbs (on purpose) while she stayed on her plan and gained the 1 lb back.

Now she got me to build a plan / process for her that she is using and losing 1 to 2 lb per week.

Want to convert her? .... shut up until you have results and a process for getting them.

This is behavioral contagion. Exemplify what you'd like others to do, and they often (not always) get influenced by you. You're the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with; so, who's spending the most time with YOU?

"I'll believe it when I see it." So show them.

 

[The Abundant Man]

 

[458]

Stop asking for permission. I didn't read anything except the title of your thread. The reason your girlfriend thinks whatever is because your seeking approval for whatever your trying to do instead of just doing it and being successful. Just do it.

 

[ZF Lee]

Years ago I remember the first time my mom had to help me with my billing process.

I envy you...

I have to do my own Excel accounts and book entry every end of the month...

And when the cashflow cycles eat more than a week, or you spot one element that is eating all the cash....

She has to go.

I don't think OP will have to make this hard decision...

But I myself have seen how the wrong kind of ladies F*cks up perfectly good men.
And they pass the damage on to their children.

Children like me.
I'm a victim of parents who made these shitty decisions (telling my story would take some alcohol and 5 hours of a negative rant lol).

Not to blame them, but that's what happened.

As a result, I've had to start out on Fastlane with a F*cked social attitude and an emotional bank account at risk. I can, and continue to fix them up, but why start out with shit in your car trunk, in the first place?

That's why the wrong ladies dilemma is one of my greatest hate-points, and a powerful motivator for me to become a good man to my girl- I never want her to marry a terrible person, or waste her youth chasing after one.

I mentioned a relative of mine earlier on another thread, who got screwed over by the wrong girl.
Now he keeps asking me on a daily basis about her progress on social media...as she's blocked him and he deleted his apps.

I just lie and say 'nothing happened', because I'm avoiding social media like the plague.

I don't mind if a girl makes you obsessed over good things like Fastlane or education, but if she makes you obsessed over doing shit that doesn't do you any good...