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The night is dark and full of terrors...

Anything related to matters of the mind

FriendlyVillain

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I’ve attempted to write this post several times in the past few weeks. Every time I stopped, but the issue just keeps coming back. I just had a hard time being honest with myself, but this time, I've managed to write most of what's been bothering me.

The truth is, I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I’ve trouble finding a girlfriend who would support me in my entrepreneurial endeavors, and I cannot rely on my parents for such support. They are constantly trying to push me to find a normal job, especially when things go bad, so I saved up, moved out, and barely keep in touch with them now. It hurts them, but I have to protect myself, otherwise, I feel their judgment/bad energy and it’s not helping. Especially my father... he constantly compares me to my peers which seem to be doing better. He tries to push me away from entrepreneurship, even though he is a business owner himself. I've told him several times that I will do what I want, but he just refuses to listen. I can barely feel him or my mother now. They've just pushed me so far away with their lack of support over the years when I needed it. I really don't know what to do on that end. It seems impossible opening up to them now... Actually, it's been like that for a while.

Funnily enough, a lot of people think I am ballsy and determined. I maintain a smiling face at all times, so very few people know what's going on inside. It's hard for me to be vulnerable, and I don't know why. I think it's also why it's taken me so long to write this post.

From the outside, I quit my job, attempted to launch a business, failed, started freelancing, moved out of my parents’ place, bought a piano. Life seems good.

However, from the inside, I know I am spending a lot of time playing PC games, especially when I don’t have work. I kind of do it to just forget about reality for a while, as it could be hard. I’m also gaining weight and I’m feeling really bad about my body (was shredded before, now it’s a different story…). I barely have any motivation to do anything.

I also barely have friends that could understand my struggle. When I talk to the ones that have the stability of a normal job and I start sharing my struggles, especially when things are going bad, I can feel how they are looking down on me. The kind of energy that says "sucks for you, and I am glad I am not you". They also tend to give me advice, which they haven't really put to the test...

When business is going well, I feel like I am on top of the world, but when it’s going bad, I just feel horrible, like right now. Also, most of my friends started buying their first cars, or are saving towards purchasing a home, while I am nowhere near that. It makes me question if my decision to pursue entrepreneurship was the right one. Honestly, it feels right, but there is this silent voice whispering "What if?".

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret quitting my job and doing what I am doing. I’m happy about that, but it’s so hard on the emotional side. Especially the loneliness. I’ve been lonely most of my life, but recently the pressure I feel inside has increased. There’s just this void inside of me.

I just had to get this off my chest.
 
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Abrodos

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I've felt very similar to you for a long time. I've got an uncle who is also an entrepreneur and who advises me (as my parents do) to find a stable job. I feel like he doesn't believe in me, but maybe he wants to prevent me from several bad experiences he's lived...
Starting is hard. I've been several years making almost no income, I made about the minimum wage for a couple of years, and now I'm back to pretty much nothing, so I'm now looking towards a mixed style, having a job in the most stable and confortable area (public worker) and working on my business on the side.

Just wanted to say you're not alone in this. Tackle the things you can control (body, time spent on videogames and such). write down your progress so you'll be able to feel accomplished for what you've achieved so long, even throguh the difficult times.
Also keep in mind that it is not an easy way for anyone. Everyone has its own obstacles, for some it might be bad planning, or a gambling approach for business. For us is lack of self-control and discipline. Try to find in which areas are you self-sabotaging. Sometimes we don't want to be successful unconsciously, like, as if doing better than our family/peers was an aggression to them. Truth is, many people will be happy to see you succeed.

As for the girlfriend try not to worry about that. Develop yourself, have focus, have clear goals, a purpose, and a partner will come to you naturally.

All the best :)
 
D

Deleted74338

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I’ve attempted to write this post several times in the past few weeks. Every time I stopped, but the issue just keeps coming back. I just had a hard time being honest with myself, but this time, I've managed to write most of what's been bothering me.

The truth is, I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I’ve trouble finding a girlfriend who would support me in my entrepreneurial endeavors, and I cannot rely on my parents for such support. They are constantly trying to push me to find a normal job, especially when things go bad, so I saved up, moved out, and barely keep in touch with them now. It hurts them, but I have to protect myself, otherwise, I feel their judgment/bad energy and it’s not helping. Especially my father... he constantly compares me to my peers which seem to be doing better. He tries to push me away from entrepreneurship, even though he is a business owner himself. I've told him several times that I will do what I want, but he just refuses to listen. I can barely feel him or my mother now. They've just pushed me so far away with their lack of support over the years when I needed it. I really don't know what to do on that end. It seems impossible opening up to them now... Actually, it's been like that for a while.

Funnily enough, a lot of people think I am ballsy and determined. I maintain a smiling face at all times, so very few people know what's going on inside. It's hard for me to be vulnerable, and I don't know why. I think it's also why it's taken me so long to write this post.

From the outside, I quit my job, attempted to launch a business, failed, started freelancing, moved out of my parents’ place, bought a piano. Life seems good.

However, from the inside, I know I am spending a lot of time playing PC games, especially when I don’t have work. I kind of do it to just forget about reality for a while, as it could be hard. I’m also gaining weight and I’m feeling really bad about my body (was shredded before, now it’s a different story…). I barely have any motivation to do anything.

I also barely have friends that could understand my struggle. When I talk to the ones that have the stability of a normal job and I start sharing my struggles, especially when things are going bad, I can feel how they are looking down on me. The kind of energy that says "sucks for you, and I am glad I am not you". They also tend to give me advice, which they haven't really put to the test...

When business is going well, I feel like I am on top of the world, but when it’s going bad, I just feel horrible, like right now. Also, most of my friends started buying their first cars, or are saving towards purchasing a home, while I am nowhere near that. It makes me question if my decision to pursue entrepreneurship was the right one. Honestly, it feels right, but there is this silent voice whispering "What if?".

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret quitting my job and doing what I am doing. I’m happy about that, but it’s so hard on the emotional side. Especially the loneliness. I’ve been lonely most of my life, but recently the pressure I feel inside has increased. There’s just this void inside of me.

I just had to get this off my chest.
This has got to be the biggest mindf*ck. For some reason that I do not know this sentence( the title) appeared in my mind yesterday and today too, before seeing this post. Anyways, regarding your post I tend to see what I am doing in the long run, 5-10 years, I do not care where I am now, I still don't have a driver's license, I haven't bought new expensive clothes since 2 years now, etcetera. I basically focus on my work, not caring about the short term, the long term is what matters to me, I see my friends going out, doing stuff, buying stuff and tbh I just don't care about them, I don't plan on keeping them as friends anyways, maybe that is what you should do too. Regarding video games I was like that too, what helped was selling my PC and buying a laptop that I could not game on, I also installed linux and deleted windows entirely, a few months after I stopped caring about games.
 
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Kid

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silent voice whispering "What if?".
Don't listen to it, its Script trying to get you.

And btw, the "void"? You're getting burned out. Take a time for some simple pleasure stuff like watching birds in the park.
Or hit the gym.
The thing that motivated you to be shredded probably isn't there any more.
Find a new one.
 
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smark

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The guy just poured his heart out and there's only 3 replies? Damn.

The reason I clicked on this thread in the first place was because I could feel it was about something dark. And those kind of things strongly resonate with me. I guess a Clinical Psychologist would say that we are both "high in Neuroticism."

That being said, I haven't been on this forum for months and prob won't come back for a while, but here's my take.

LIFE SUCKS!! Seriously man, life f*cking sucks! The world is a cruel place that will F*cking destroy you and then destroy you some more if you don't take control of your life. Addiction, Loneliness, Criminal acts, Homelessness, etc are ALL entirely possible for each one of us. Even the most accomplished billionaire. And before you say that you're not the type of person to become addicted or violate serious laws, just know that deep down...we all are. all are. Do some research on the guards within Jewish Concentration Camps during WWII (many of which were ex-Jewish prisoners!) and you'll see what I mean.

But wait, there's more...Because that's only half the story.

The whole truth is that this world is absolutely f*cking beautiful. Being able to spend time in nature, socialize with other people, try different foods, travel, or even do something as simple as catch the sunset/sunrise, are true blessings in their purest form. And they're all available to us. Every day.

My advice to you would be to recognize the fact that life can be pretty F*cking awful at times, but that is also what makes it so beautiful. Light cannot exist without darkness, and vice versa. Practically speaking, this means that you shouldn't let the petty opinions of others or your circumstances to define you. Is that an easy thing to do though? F*ck no. But with enough consistent effort, you'll accomplish it. In the mean time, join a gym (or do hill sprints and calisthenics at a park to save money), put yourself on a schedule (i.e. go to sleep at the same time, wake up at the same time, etc), stop wasting time on meaningless tasks like playing video games, find people who are genuinely interesting and interested in whatever it is you're doing, start eating a diet rich in good carbs (honey, fruit) and animal products (milk, cheese, meat, etc)*, and express yourself in every single way you can think of.

You, like me, are an individual. And as individuals, we each have something unique to offer to this world. As a result, you being pessimistic and not fully expressing your innate talents & gifts is directly and necessarily detrimental to the progression of human civilization. So stop "filtering" yourself through mind-numbing activities and infuse this Earth with whatever you were given.

Before I finish this let me ask you, are you familiar with Jordan Peterson? He's a Clinical Psychologist who has changed the lives of million of people for the better. Including mine. He has a lot of talks which will change your life for the better, and that will also offer you a lot of practical tools on how to structure your day.

Here's a good example:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUqEJpHmWvU


For anything else, please feel free to send me a message. I'll check this account in a few days in case you do. (And honestly, I really hope that you do.)

So go kick some a$$ brother! And let the forum know as soon as you do.

Kind Regards,
A fellow Fastlaner to-be

*The food recommendations I gave will make a HUGE difference. As they say, form follows function. By basing a diet around the foods I mentioned, as well as supplementing with a Vitamin B Complex, Zinc, Vitamin E, and Magnesium, will completely alter your mood and mindset for the better. For more, google "Ray Peat."
 

Stargazer

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Are you ballsy enough to print that out and post it to your parents?

I don't know your parents so can only take an educated guess at what they - especially your mum - will feel. Include a hankerchief.

And then visit them and have a grown up conversation with a plan.

'Mum. Dad. This is where I am. This is where I want to be. This is what I have to do to accomplish this. For the next 6 months I am going to throw 100% of myself into achieving this but I need your support. Dad. You own a business. You know how tough it is. If in 6 months I have made no progress then we can have your conversation. Fair enough? And mum. Get the kettle on, I'm dying for a brew!'

Dan

PS: You hopefully get the gist of how the conversation should be going I hope.
 

Sheens

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I barely have any motivation to do anything.

I hope you are reading the replies here @FriendlyVillain.

You aren't alone, there are amazing threads here that are pre, post, and in the dark of night.

How are you correcting this quote above? Your motivation. You need to get your 'why', your why not, your do whatever the F it takes...

It's normal to not want to feel vulnerable and it's normal to lack discipline.
Edit: Want to be normal?

Embrace discipline. Show those that love and care about you what you are offering to clients that they would pay to do, have, have you do..
 
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CountMonteCristo

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Funny, it's always so cool to hear someone successful talk about the dark times, but living through it really sucks. Pay attention though, this is your ramen and cockroaches tale that you're gonna rub in the face of the people who'll call you "lucky" once you reach your goals...

On a more practical note, try a "dopamine detox" to gain some momentum. Just for a week or so, as an experiment. Basically
• Turn off all notifications on your phone
• Quit video games
• Quit passive entertainment like tv, netflix, Youtube, etc.
• Quit eating junk food and sweets
• And stop watching porn. You don't have to hop on the "nofap" train, just don't watch any videos.

And only allow yourself to do useful activities:

• Exercise (work out, walk, run, bike, rollerblade... whatever, try to find something fun)
• Go out and meet random people (if it's legal and possible where you are)
• Read books
• Learn some new skills
• Work on your business, getting a job or whatever else you need to be working on

Basically work on yourself or sit around and be bored. Those are your options. No more escaping from reality. Try it for a week and see what happens.

Also, @smark already mentioned Jordan Peterson... He has this thing called the Self-Authoring Program. It's a collection of writing exercises that'll help you collect your thoughts, assess your strengths and weaknesses, evaluate your personality and habits, and set clear goals for yourself. It's $30. I highly recommend it if you're feeling lost or unable to focus.
 

FriendlyVillain

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Tackle the things you can control (body, time spent on videogames and such). write down your progress so you'll be able to feel accomplished for what you've achieved so long, even throguh the difficult times.

...
Try to find in which areas are you self-sabotaging. Sometimes we don't want to be successful unconsciously, like, as if doing better than our family/peers was an aggression to them.

Thanks @Abrodos, these points stood out to me. I had forgotten to focus on what is in my control and I was contemplating things that I should not worry too much about. Godspeed!

This has got to be the biggest mindf*ck. For some reason that I do not know this sentence( the title) appeared in my mind yesterday and today too, before seeing this post. Anyways, regarding your post I tend to see what I am doing in the long run, 5-10 years, I do not care where I am now, I still don't have a driver's license, I haven't bought new expensive clothes since 2 years now, etcetera. I basically focus on my work, not caring about the short term, the long term is what matters to me, I see my friends going out, doing stuff, buying stuff and tbh I just don't care about them, I don't plan on keeping them as friends anyways, maybe that is what you should do too. Regarding video games I was like that too, what helped was selling my PC and buying a laptop that I could not game on, I also installed linux and deleted windows entirely, a few months after I stopped caring about games.
I see, so you are projecting yourself in the future. I don't know if that's not gonna lead to regret later down the line. I'm referring to being present in the moment and enjoying life through ups and downs. Don't get me wrong, you might be perfectly fine, but I just wanted to point it out just in case. (Also, I do get the irony between my original post and this reply...)

I've a gamer laptop, which I got from a pawn shop only because it was a steal. I think in my case, selling it would be too radical of a move, but I'll keep that thought in the back of my head. What I usually do, is just to delete all games, which creates a sort of a barrier, as I will need to put some effort to reinstall them, knowing I should not do so. I will probably do that again soon...

Thanks for your input!

Don't listen to it, its Script trying to get you.

And btw, the "void"? You're getting burned out. Take a time for some simple pleasure stuff like watching birds in the park.
Or hit the gym.
The thing that motivated you to be shredded probably isn't there any more.
Find a new one.
Yeah, I definitely need new motivation for the gym. I haven't gone yet because of the Covid situation.

I don't know if the void is me burnt out. When I am burnt out, it's a different feeling. But you right be right, I'm so confused about this one.

The comment with the script is spot on, cheers!

The guy just poured his heart out and there's only 3 replies? Damn.

The reason I clicked on this thread in the first place was because I could feel it was about something dark. And those kind of things strongly resonate with me. I guess a Clinical Psychologist would say that we are both "high in Neuroticism."

That being said, I haven't been on this forum for months and prob won't come back for a while, but here's my take.

LIFE SUCKS!! Seriously man, life f*cking sucks! The world is a cruel place that will F*cking destroy you and then destroy you some more if you don't take control of your life. Addiction, Loneliness, Criminal acts, Homelessness, etc are ALL entirely possible for each one of us. Even the most accomplished billionaire. And before you say that you're not the type of person to become addicted or violate serious laws, just know that deep down...we all are. all are. Do some research on the guards within Jewish Concentration Camps during WWII (many of which were ex-Jewish prisoners!) and you'll see what I mean.

But wait, there's more...Because that's only half the story.

The whole truth is that this world is absolutely f*cking beautiful. Being able to spend time in nature, socialize with other people, try different foods, travel, or even do something as simple as catch the sunset/sunrise, are true blessings in their purest form. And they're all available to us. Every day.

My advice to you would be to recognize the fact that life can be pretty F*cking awful at times, but that is also what makes it so beautiful. Light cannot exist without darkness, and vice versa. Practically speaking, this means that you shouldn't let the petty opinions of others or your circumstances to define you. Is that an easy thing to do though? F*ck no. But with enough consistent effort, you'll accomplish it. In the mean time, join a gym (or do hill sprints and calisthenics at a park to save money), put yourself on a schedule (i.e. go to sleep at the same time, wake up at the same time, etc), stop wasting time on meaningless tasks like playing video games, find people who are genuinely interesting and interested in whatever it is you're doing, start eating a diet rich in good carbs (honey, fruit) and animal products (milk, cheese, meat, etc)*, and express yourself in every single way you can think of.

You, like me, are an individual. And as individuals, we each have something unique to offer to this world. As a result, you being pessimistic and not fully expressing your innate talents & gifts is directly and necessarily detrimental to the progression of human civilization. So stop "filtering" yourself through mind-numbing activities and infuse this Earth with whatever you were given.

Before I finish this let me ask you, are you familiar with Jordan Peterson? He's a Clinical Psychologist who has changed the lives of million of people for the better. Including mine. He has a lot of talks which will change your life for the better, and that will also offer you a lot of practical tools on how to structure your day.

Here's a good example:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUqEJpHmWvU


For anything else, please feel free to send me a message. I'll check this account in a few days in case you do. (And honestly, I really hope that you do.)

So go kick some a$$ brother! And let the forum know as soon as you do.

Kind Regards,
A fellow Fastlaner to-be

*The food recommendations I gave will make a HUGE difference. As they say, form follows function. By basing a diet around the foods I mentioned, as well as supplementing with a Vitamin B Complex, Zinc, Vitamin E, and Magnesium, will completely alter your mood and mindset for the better. For more, google "Ray Peat."
Thanks, man! That was probably what I needed to hear. I reread your post several times as I liked the resonance :)

Yes, you are right that I am not expressing myself fully. It's just throughout my upbringing and teenage years, I've always been the smart and different guy. As a result, quite a lot of people could understand me, but I could understand them perfectly well. So, since they couldn't understand me, they made it seem as if I am stupid. I knew perfectly well I was not, but I guess I decided to stfu.

On the other hand, the majority of super successful people are different, even Eminem raps about it. I'll be contacting you after posting this :)

Are you ballsy enough to print that out and post it to your parents?

I don't know your parents so can only take an educated guess at what they - especially your mum - will feel. Include a hankerchief.

And then visit them and have a grown up conversation with a plan.

'Mum. Dad. This is where I am. This is where I want to be. This is what I have to do to accomplish this. For the next 6 months I am going to throw 100% of myself into achieving this but I need your support. Dad. You own a business. You know how tough it is. If in 6 months I have made no progress then we can have your conversation. Fair enough? And mum. Get the kettle on, I'm dying for a brew!'

Dan

PS: You hopefully get the gist of how the conversation should be going I hope.
Hi Dan,

Nah, I am ballsy, but not that ballsy. At that point, I just cannot have that grown-up conversation with my parents. I kind of want to open up to them, but I just can't do it directly, it's too much.

And yeah, I get the gist of the convo. But I've told myself that I will either be successful or live on the streets. I just can't handle that 9 to 5, and I've already had my FTE- it was the moment I sent my notice letter. Good times.

I also don't want to hurt them, but once I become successful, they wouldn't be able to tell me anything. I just hope this doesn't take too long, as time is limited after all...


Is it possible to work and do the business on the side until at least it gets you double your salary?

Not for me. I'm currently making at least what my last salary was. Some months I more than double it, others it circulates around it. But bottom line is, I work about 60 hours a month and still make more money than what I used to make working 160 hours a month.
 
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100ToOne

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Not for me. I'm currently making at least what my last salary was. Some months I more than double it, others it circulates around it. But bottom line is, I work about 60 hours a month and still make more money than what I used to make working 160 hours a month.
"Also, most of my friends started buying their first cars, or are saving towards purchasing a home, while I am nowhere near that. It makes me question if my decision to pursue entrepreneurship was the right one. Honestly, it feels right, but there is this silent voice whispering "What if?". "

That's why I asked ;S
 

FriendlyVillain

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I hope you are reading the replies here @FriendlyVillain.

You aren't alone, there are amazing threads here that are pre, post, and in the dark of night.

How are you correcting this quote above? Your motivation. You need to get your 'why', your why not, your do whatever the F it takes...

It's normal to not want to feel vulnerable and it's normal to lack discipline.

Embrace discipline. Show those that love and care about you what you are offering to clients that they would pay to do, have, have you do..
I am!

You are right that I haven't figured out my why, why not, and the whatever the F it takes. I can see how this will help me achieve my goals, so it's something I will be working on :)

Regarding clients, most tend to love me and my insights. I'm currently in the process of raising my prices, but I wouldn't say it's going too well. There are some results so far, so I haven't been too quick to judge.

Thank you!

Funny, it's always so cool to hear someone successful talk about the dark times, but living through it really sucks. Pay attention though, this is your ramen and cockroaches tale that you're gonna rub in the face of the people who'll call you "lucky" once you reach your goals...

On a more practical note, try a "dopamine detox" to gain some momentum. Just for a week or so, as an experiment. Basically
• Turn off all notifications on your phone
• Quit video games
• Quit passive entertainment like tv, netflix, Youtube, etc.
• Quit eating junk food and sweets
• And stop watching porn. You don't have to hop on the "nofap" train, just don't watch any videos.

And only allow yourself to do useful activities:

• Exercise (work out, walk, run, bike, rollerblade... whatever, try to find something fun)
• Go out and meet random people (if it's legal and possible where you are)
• Read books
• Learn some new skills
• Work on your business, getting a job or whatever else you need to be working on

Basically work on yourself or sit around and be bored. Those are your options. No more escaping from reality. Try it for a week and see what happens.

Also, @smark already mentioned Jordan Peterson... He has this thing called the Self-Authoring Program. It's a collection of writing exercises that'll help you collect your thoughts, assess your strengths and weaknesses, evaluate your personality and habits, and set clear goals for yourself. It's $30. I highly recommend it if you're feeling lost or unable to focus.

Reframing it like the story I'm gonna rub in the faces of non-believers hits differently. It also connects to what I said in a comment above about being present. It's true that it's part of the story and you just have to go through it. I can see why so many people give up, as it's really hard, but it's also not. It's a very weird place to be.

Youtube also started suggesting some dopamine detox videos, and now that you mention it, I find it too much of a coincidence. I guess it's a sign that I should do it, and it's Monday tomorrow. The stars are aligned :)

I'll check out his program, thank you.
 

Tossek

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However, from the inside, I know I am spending a lot of time playing PC games, especially when I don’t have work. I kind of do it to just forget about reality for a while, as it could be hard.
It is common to do the things that are easy and where you can find yourself to be victorous. I played a long, long time pen and paper games to get into my happy place.

But when I read your statements, it really hurts me because I think that there is some work for you to do on yourself.

I think Mr. Peterson is really a person and mindset you should look into. He advices young men to write down their history premature. Dream on what you want to accomplish and how. I am a huge fan of this approach since it is a way of seeing life as a project giving it small milestones to achieve.

All the things I have written so far are a bit generic, so I would like to point something out of my personal experience. Calmness of mind. Equanimity. It is something which helped me quite much to stay focused. There are different ways to achieve it. Some people use meditation, others (like me) get it by getting into danger (martial art fights). But all in all it is a training of not reacting directly to the environment. Why is it so important? Because you have expectations. You might not see it right now. But you expect your friends and family to bump you up and you cannot take their countertalk. This is where maturity begins: I understand your point but I am not able to share it. But is it really their fault? They are concerned. Mr. Rohn took this quote from the bible: I love you but I hate your [...] ways. This is what your friends and family supposed to do - even if you do not like it. I am a huge fan of Jim Rohn. And I adore what he said: You are the problem, you have to change.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGIjuVbGP_A&t=163s


FriendlyVillain, the world is not against you. You are just not well adapted (yet) for what you want to achieve. Mature a bit - and tbh a normal job is ok to mature. But, if you really want to adapt fast, you have to change by working on yourself. F*** the games. Make yourself a list, learn self-management, get your sh*t done. If people see that you are serious, they respect you. And stop being fake and all good Mr Sunshine. People will see through your mascerade. Stop the pity and false play and be super serious about yourself and your goals. If it does not work, adapt a bit. Be glad, you learned a bit. Learning is the biggest success you can have. Cherish the process, not the result. This is where your equanimity begins.
 
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FriendlyVillain

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It is common to do the things that are easy and where you can find yourself to be victorous. I played a long, long time pen and paper games to get into my happy place.

But when I read your statements, it really hurts me because I think that there is some work for you to do on yourself.

I think Mr. Peterson is really a person and mindset you should look into. He advices young men to write down their history premature. Dream on what you want to accomplish and how. I am a huge fan of this approach since it is a way of seeing life as a project giving it small milestones to achieve.

All the things I have written so far are a bit generic, so I would like to point something out of my personal experience. Calmness of mind. Equanimity. It is something which helped me quite much to stay focused. There are different ways to achieve it. Some people use meditation, others (like me) get it by getting into danger (martial art fights). But all in all it is a training of not reacting directly to the environment. Why is it so important? Because you have expectations. You might not see it right now. But you expect your friends and family to bump you up and you cannot take their countertalk. This is where maturity begins: I understand your point but I am not able to share it. But is it really their fault? They are concerned. Mr. Rohn took this quote from the bible: I love you but I hate your [...] ways. This is what your friends and family supposed to do - even if you do not like it. I am a huge fan of Jim Rohn. And I adore what he said: You are the problem, you have to change.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGIjuVbGP_A&t=163s


FriendlyVillain, the world is not against you. You are just not well adapted (yet) for what you want to achieve. Mature a bit - and tbh a normal job is ok to mature. But, if you really want to adapt fast, you have to change by working on yourself. F*** the games. Make yourself a list, learn self-management, get your sh*t done. If people see that you are serious, they respect you. And stop being fake and all good Mr Sunshine. People will see through your mascerade. Stop the pity and false play and be super serious about yourself and your goals. If it does not work, adapt a bit. Be glad, you learned a bit. Learning is the biggest success you can have. Cherish the process, not the result. This is where your equanimity begins.

Damn, I better print myself this reply and reread it every morning and night. Harsh truths that I needed to hear.

I also meditate every day, but I think recently I activated something, so weird stuff happens during meditation. I don't know how much are you into spirituality, but apparently it's very real, judging by my experience... So yeah, a word of caution to all the people practicing chakra meditation.

And yes, I want to adapt fast as that's one of my strengths. F*** the games indeed.

See, I do cherish the process, but what gets me are emotions. Even when I am in a bad place, I can recognize I am in a bad place, but I can't do much about it. But yes, I can see how I should put a lot more effort into my meditations, so I truly become the observer and stop reacting.

Also, I think the existential crisis has been hitting me recently, as I really start to question the meaning of life and I think I am getting old-old, even though I am just 25.

Regarding Mr Sunshine, I'm actually happy most of the time. One of my exes once told me she thought I was crazy before meeting her for the first time, as she constantly saw me smiling. I think it's a defensive mechanism of some sort, haven't figured it out yet.

I also have this hypothesis that I can feel other people's feelings, as I can feel how others feel while interacting with them. As a result, I don't want to hurt them by saying something, so I am very careful with my words. However, I can see how that makes me reactive rather than proactive.

Damn man, thanks!
 

RazorCut

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@Tossek nailed it. Great answer brother.

Cherish the process, not the result.

THIS :thumbsup:

If you can learn to love the process, stick with one thing and give that one thing your honest all; Then you will have success. Then you won’t care for the opinions of others. You will have the confidence and the maturity to know that compliments don’t get the work done and criticism can’t harm you, or blow you off course unless YOU let it.

There is a great saying that goes:

Life is not happening to you. Life is responding to you.

But it can also be written like this:

Life Isn’t About What Happens To You, It’s About How You React To It

most of my friends started buying their first cars, or are saving towards purchasing a home, while I am nowhere near that.

If you really can’t even afford to buy a car then you are not hustling, you’re action faking. Watch Jim Rohn’s seminar. Take notes. Set goals. TAKE ACTION. Come back in 2 months time and post a picture of your first car. You will probably have a girlfriend by then too as success breeds confidence and confidence creates a vibe people like to be around.
 

Solomon Kim

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First of all applaud yourself for being authentic to your emotions. This is the path that you chose. Think of whatever distress you're feeling as a test. A test for you and ONLY you where you can maintain focus. If your parents or other people aren't supporting you, then you SHOW them that you will achieve your definition of success. Don't put stupid expectations on yourself because you chose to compare yourself to other people.

Don't dwell in your emotions for too long or else they will drag you back down to bad habits like playing 8 hours of PC games. At the same time don't shun emotions. Don't bottle it up. Take a moment to recognize it, breathe, don't overreact to anything, and then use your emotion as fuel for positive change.

Also why are you worried about a girlfriend? You should develop yourself and get to a point where you're not going to be codependent. You're going to drive anyone away with desperation. She should just join along on your journey, not be the center of the universe. If you pick the wrong girl which is extremely likely, your emotional stress will be through the roof. The odds are way against you to find a suitable partner. Instead you should make yourself a suitable partner first.

Let's pretend that you had a girlfriend right now with your fragile mentality of being overwhelmed with emotions. I guarantee you that if you two broke up due to emotional stress/neediness/codependency, you would be wrecked even more than you are right now.

I have friends that have always wanted a girlfriend due to a need for comfort, for "love" (as if they know what that means). Then they get one. They're elated for a bit but soon become insecure because now they have something to lose. After an inevitable breakup that could be seen a mile away, some have slipped into major depression and even contemplate suicide.

You've been fed a script to put other people's validation on a pedestal. The moment you follow this script, you are now living for other people.

If you can't afford a car after operating a business then just get a job for now. Learn skills that you can leverage for another business venture. It's okay to take a step back to take multiple steps forward. At the end of the day, you control the outcome of your life based off of the decisions made this SECOND. Get small wins and gain momentum in getting things done. Set bigger goals when you start leveling up your mindset.

Work out with body weight exercises. Meditate. Call a prospect. Cold call them. Cold email them. Anything. LIVE FOR YOUR OWN SCRIPT. EMOTION IS ENERGY IN MOTION. MOVE. TAKE ACTION.
 
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Odysseus M Jones

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This guy may be able to help you.


Or this guy:


Even this guy:


And him:


Him too:


Are they any different to you?
Or was it just a different day with a different attitude?

Sometimes the sound of my dogs licking their chops really annoys me, sometimes it doesn't.

Are the dogs licking a different way that annoys me?

No, same lick.

What does that tell you?

It's not them, it's me.

We are our minds.

Life's too short to dwell on negatives.

You can let your thoughts consume you or you can enjoy your short time on this planet.

Sorry to say, there's a pattern to your threads & only you can break that pattern.

Read your way to mental health, Peterson is ok for a modern author, I read his 12 steps, it helps when you're in a dark place.
Then go back in time, Carnegie, Hill & more recently Covey.
Apply what you read, build on a solid foundation & move forward.

Expression is a band aid, catharsis & it's addictive.

The fact you elicit all these replies validates what you're doing.

Despite the gloomy title & laying your innermost soul out for all to see, you're very chipper in your replies & engage your audience lucidly.

Ok, I'll be that guy. I've slept on this feel the same way, it's a forum for open discussion so I'll say it & risk the backlash.
I'm calling mental masturbation & he's playing you all like a fish, depressed people won't even bother writing, yet he's highly engaged with you all. I posted his threads so you can see the theme. Sorry, he's getting off on this. We'll see how he reacts.

What do you guys think is best for him, chicken soup for the soul or cold turkey?

PS check out the tags on his threads as well.
Dispassionate Libra here, I call it how I see it, or rather smell it.
 

FriendlyVillain

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@Tossek nailed it. Great answer brother.



THIS :thumbsup:

If you can learn to love the process, stick with one thing and give that one thing your honest all; Then you will have success. Then you won’t care for the opinions of others. You will have the confidence and the maturity to know that compliments don’t get the work done and criticism can’t harm you, or blow you off course unless YOU let it.

There is a great saying that goes:

Life is not happening to you. Life is responding to you.

But it can also be written like this:

Life Isn’t About What Happens To You, It’s About How You React To It



If you really can’t even afford to buy a car then you are not hustling, you’re action faking. Watch Jim Rohn’s seminar. Take notes. Set goals. TAKE ACTION. Come back in 2 months time and post a picture of your first car. You will probably have a girlfriend by then too as success breeds confidence and confidence creates a vibe people like to be around.
Yeah, I'd agree I am 60% action faking, as the other 40% make me money atm.

I'm currently freelancing on Upwork, but I want to start finding clients outside of it. So, I've created a website, have about 40 cold targets, but I am stuck on the outreach step. I'm thinking of using LinkedIn to my advantage, but I've been thinking that for way too long. It's high time I take the action taking to a 100%.

I must confess, part of me is afraid of not succeeding, so it's why I keep it at 40%. Now that I think of it, I am doing nothing more than protecting my ego.

Also, great quote!

Thank you.

First of all applaud yourself for being authentic to your emotions. This is the path that you chose. Think of whatever distress you're feeling as a test. A test for you and ONLY you where you can maintain focus. If your parents or other people aren't supporting you, then you SHOW them that you will achieve your definition of success. Don't put stupid expectations on yourself because you chose to compare yourself to other people.

Don't dwell in your emotions for too long or else they will drag you back down to bad habits like playing 8 hours of PC games. At the same time don't shun emotions. Don't bottle it up. Take a moment to recognize it, breathe, don't overreact to anything, and then use your emotion as fuel for positive change.

Also why are you worried about a girlfriend? You should develop yourself and get to a point where you're not going to be codependent. You're going to drive anyone away with desperation. She should just join along on your journey, not be the center of the universe. If you pick the wrong girl which is extremely likely, your emotional stress will be through the roof. The odds are way against you to find a suitable partner. Instead you should make yourself a suitable partner first.

Let's pretend that you had a girlfriend right now with your fragile mentality of being overwhelmed with emotions. I guarantee you that if you two broke up due to emotional stress/neediness/codependency, you would be wrecked even more than you are right now.

I have friends that have always wanted a girlfriend due to a need for comfort, for "love" (as if they know what that means). Then they get one. They're elated for a bit but soon become insecure because now they have something to lose. After an inevitable breakup that could be seen a mile away, some have slipped into major depression and even contemplate suicide.

You've been fed a script to put other people's validation on a pedestal. The moment you follow this script, you are now living for other people.

If you can't afford a car after operating a business then just get a job for now. Learn skills that you can leverage for another business venture. It's okay to take a step back to take multiple steps forward. At the end of the day, you control the outcome of your life based off of the decisions made this SECOND. Get small wins and gain momentum in getting things done. Set bigger goals when you start leveling up your mindset.

Work out with body weight exercises. Meditate. Call a prospect. Cold call them. Cold email them. Anything. LIVE FOR YOUR OWN SCRIPT. EMOTION IS ENERGY IN MOTION. MOVE. TAKE ACTION.
Don't confuse me for someone who doesn't know how to talk to girls. I have very close relationships with girls and some of my exes are among the most beautiful girls I've seen. I haven't made any compromise regarding that.

Although, one of them completely ruined me, as I really became needy and when she left me, I couldn't even see the light at the end of the tunnel. That was a really dark and cold place and I can only thank my friends for supporting me through it.

I think I genuinely enjoy female energy and I really like talking to girls. However, I also have some level of anxiety meeting new people. It's just how I feel inside and wanted to get it out. The goal of this thread is for me to be authentic with myself, so I am not going to hide anything.

You are right about me dwelling on my emotions. This is the part that's the hardest for me- managing my emotions. I've definitely got better at it, but still pretty bad overall... The worst part for me is that I think logically, rather than emotionally, so when I feel bad, the emotions influence my thoughts and it's really hard for me to snap out of it.

Thank you.


This guy may be able to help you.


Or this guy:


Even this guy:


And him:


Him too:


Are they any different to you?
Or was it just a different day with a different attitude?

Sometimes the sound of my dogs licking their chops really annoys me, sometimes it doesn't.

Are the dogs licking a different way that annoys me?

No, same lick.

What does that tell you?

It's not them, it's me.

We are our minds.

Life's too short to dwell on negatives.

You can let your thoughts consume you or you can enjoy your short time on this planet.

Sorry to say, there's a pattern to your threads & only you can break that pattern.

Read your way to mental health, Peterson is ok for a modern author, I read his 12 steps, it helps when you're in a dark place.
Then go back in time, Carnegie, Hill & more recently Covey.
Apply what you read, build on a solid foundation & move forward.

Expression is a band aid, catharsis & it's addictive.

The fact you elicit all these replies validates what you're doing.

Despite the gloomy title & laying your innermost soul out for all to see, you're very chipper in your replies & engage your audience lucidly.

Ok, I'll be that guy. I've slept on this feel the same way, it's a forum for open discussion so I'll say it & risk the backlash.
I'm calling mental masturbation & he's playing you all like a fish, depressed people won't even bother writing, yet he's highly engaged with you all. I posted his threads so you can see the theme. Sorry, he's getting off on this. We'll see how he reacts.

What do you guys think is best for him, chicken soup for the soul or cold turkey?

PS check out the tags on his threads as well.
Dispassionate Libra here, I call it how I see it, or rather smell it.

Interesting response. I must agree, there is some truth to the mental masturbation factor, but I'd say it's about 10-20%. Also, you are generalizing. I don't see why if I am depressed (which I think I'm not, yet) or want to avoid depression (which I think I'm trying to do) I can't reach out for help.

Also, why wouldn't I be engaged with people when I am asking for help? I'm looking for thoughtful conversations, and part of that is me being engaged. I could reply with only a sentence, yes, but this thread is all about me being honest with myself too. It's different when you lay it out.

Regarding the threads, could you share the common theme you see, as I think I'm seeing something else. I assume I am missing something crucial. What I see is the struggle of me trying to shift my mindset, as I've been fed the script all my life. It's not an easy task, dude. I'm currently in the process of completely destroying the lies I've been fed, which results in my world falling apart, it's just scary. Especially when I do it all alone.

Please, don't confuse me feeling bad with a weakness. I can feel horrible, yet still be 100% lucid. One has nothing to do with the other, but I would agree that most people are not like that. I assume that's what made you conclude that. Also, I am indeed a very positive person overall, and I think it's why it's difficult for me to manage myself, when I am feeling negative. It just completely changes my worldview, and it could be very dramatic. I still try to stay positive and usually when a situation occurs I manage to frame it in a positive way. But it's easier said than done.

I think you are right that I should check out some self-help books regarding mental health, as I really need to learn to manage these emotions.

Also, Aquarius!
 
D

Deleted78083

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Quit all dopamine activities (sugar, porn, masturbation, screen time, social media, alcohol, drugs, coffee, tea), take cold showers, do some sport, and move out of the place where you live if you can't find people to hang out with.

You say you are a freelancer, why don't you move for a couple of months in South-America or South-East Asia?

Also bear in mind these times are a bit extraordinary, and that the quarantine has fragilised people a lot.
 
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FriendlyVillain

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Quit all dopamine activities (sugar, porn, masturbation, screen time, social media, alcohol, drugs, coffee, tea), take cold showers, do some sport, and move out of the place where you live if you can't find people to hang out with.

You say you are a freelancer, why don't you move for a couple of months in South-America or South-East Asia?

Also bear in mind these times are a bit extraordinary, and that the quarantine has fragilised people a lot.

I think I underestimate the dopamine thing, especially since so many of you are suggesting it, including YouTube.

That said, I've started today and write this while casually drinking on Kombucha. I actually didn't know tea was responsible for dopamine. Damn.

The place I currently live in is not a problem, as I need to make like $800/month to cover my living expenses (I live in Europe). Also, I've purposely put myself in my current situation, so I would have some fire under my a$$ to keep me going. One of my problems is that I am too adaptable, and could adjust to any situation. So, if I stop pushing myself, I get comfortable with my means.

Cold showers are really harsh and I am a bit afraid of them. The first few days are ok, but then my body hurts just by thinking of them. But I agree that they could be helpful. I'll give them another shot!




By the way, an update for all of you. I got inspired and I realized I am action faking to some degree. Since I know I should be outreaching, and I want to do it outside of Upwork, I've created a plan on how to do it on LinkedIn. I'm sharing the plan with you here (excuse my writing). I'm not sure if it's gonna work, but following my logic, it seems legit. Now all I gotta do is follow it...99399230_2521035071493479_78380473092407296_n.jpg

P.S. Last text says "show them how you could help"
 

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The truth is, I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I’ve trouble finding a girlfriend who would support me in my entrepreneurial endeavors, and I cannot rely on my parents for such support.
I know how you feel. Been there.
This is probably what you don't want to hear, but, a girl will not fix your life. Women in general will not fix your life.

You must learn to become self-reliant. And self-reliance exactly means being 100% okay with your own self. Does this take time? It does.

It's not something that happens overnight. It took me 2 full years to transition from being needy and feeling lonely to being almost 100% self-reliant on everything I do.

Your current beliefs are disneyfied and you believe that you can't live alone. Well, you can. You just need a purpose in life. If you don't have a purpose, you will naturally tend to make women your purpose.
Once I found my purpose ("Unscripted " helped me with that) women disappeared from my mind.

Also, stop watching porn. Porn only makes the problem worse. You don't want to be a slave to your sexual desire, do you? The porn industry makes millions (edit: billions*) by making users weak and addicted.

If you want a girlfriend (which is understandable), why don't you try channeling that desire on productive activities that will help you achieve that goal? What are some activities that you would benefit from and that would raise your value?

If you want to become unique, do what others are not willing to do.
Do the hard shit and ditch the quick-dopamine life-ruining habits.
 
Last edited:
D

Deleted78083

Guest
I think I underestimate the dopamine thing, especially since so many of you are suggesting it, including YouTube.

That said, I've started today and write this while casually drinking on Kombucha. I actually didn't know tea was responsible for dopamine. Damn.

The place I currently live in is not a problem, as I need to make like $800/month to cover my living expenses (I live in Europe). Also, I've purposely put myself in my current situation, so I would have some fire under my a$$ to keep me going. One of my problems is that I am too adaptable, and could adjust to any situation. So, if I stop pushing myself, I get comfortable with my means.

Cold showers are really harsh and I am a bit afraid of them. The first few days are ok, but then my body hurts just by thinking of them. But I agree that they could be helpful. I'll give them another shot!




By the way, an update for all of you. I got inspired and I realized I am action faking to some degree. Since I know I should be outreaching, and I want to do it outside of Upwork, I've created a plan on how to do it on LinkedIn. I'm sharing the plan with you here (excuse my writing). I'm not sure if it's gonna work, but following my logic, it seems legit. Now all I gotta do is follow it...View attachment 33160

P.S. Last text says "show them how you could help"
Great, good luck!
 
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