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Self-Compassion
vs. Mental Toughness

- A dichotomy for retards -
Anyone who has ever consumed any kind of self-help, self-improvement, or self-development content is intimately familiar with two of the most popular lines of thinking promoted by various gurus operating in this industry.
1. The first is the wonderful self-empathy, self-love, self-care, self-everything new age way of being a special snowflake that is permanently healing and soul searching for the true inner self.
2. The second is the tough-as-nails mental toughness, ultimate discipline, waking up at -13 AM, doing pushups in the cold shower, and eating glass.
Both of these ideas have a large number of gurus that preach them, and an even larger number of loyal followers who have "changed their lives" by integrating this pinnacle of human intellectual achievement into their lives.
And while I believe that both of these ideas do have their merit, and there is a specific place and time for both empathy and toughness, and I value true discipline as one of the highest human virtues, I strongly believe that blindly adopting any of these reductionist worldviews and using them as cornerstones of your life philosophy is a catastrophic mistake.
So, cutting right to the chase:
Which one of these is correct and why?
The answer is NONE.
Both are decadent, modern, pathological ways of viewing life and the world as a whole.
At first glance, the two ideas appear to be polar opposites and are not even compatible with one another:
- The first preaches empathy, kindness, and understanding.
- The second calls for what can be more or less described as a dehumanization process.
- The first tells you that you are perfect.
- The second tells you that you are a worthless piece of shit.
Both are delusional and highly self-destructive if put into practice.
For this reason, most people never stay forever in one mode or the other, and they keep switching over when the pain becomes unbearable: they crack the whip as hard as they can, then they have a mental breakdown and practice "self-empathy" and "self-healing".
Thanks, but no thanks.
Life can be so much more beautiful than this.
1. Self-love, self-empathy, self-respect, self-healing, self-stimulation
(Sorry for the locker room language)This is by far the worst of the two, and is a breeding ground for narcissistic victimhood and living a decadent life of pseudo-spirituality. False enlightenment.
Most of these ideas are the bastardized, commercialized versions of various concepts in Eastern philosophy and religions.
Most of those who preach these concepts are predatory animals targeting vulnerable people who are truly broken. People in their 40s and older who have completely wrecked their lives and now all they can do is "focus on the now" and "count your blessings in their "gratitude journal".
I feel pity for them, but self-massaging in the bath with candles will not solve your problems, no matter how much kindness and empathy you think you have for yourself.
Everything is just putrid deep self-hatred swept under the rug, covered by a fake veil of self-deception, ready to explode as soon as reality kicks in. You cannot hide from yourself.
2. Mental toughness
As someone who went through F*cking hell (as most people have - or will - at some point during their lives), the concept of being mentally - or even physically - tough makes me F*cking laugh.This idea is preposterous.
Assuming there was an objective way to quantify this "toughness", all it takes is 1 bullet, 1 wrong step on the stairs, or 1 wrong turn when driving, and you're either dead or in a wheelchair.
There goes your toughness.
The more you inflate your shitty ego with the concept of you being the strongest and toughest, the harder you will ultimately fall.
For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. - Matthew 23:12
They said that the Titanic was unsinkable, and then they went full steam ahead.
Now it sits at the bottom of the ocean.
3. Winning strategy: ADAPTABILITY
We've all heard about the concept of evolution through natural selection. This is a well-established natural phenomenon with plenty of archeological evidence to support and explain it.
Commonly, it's known as the "survival of the fittest/strongest", which is factually incorrect.
If that was the case, the dinosaurs - majestic beasts of unprecedented power - would still roam and rule the Earth.
But they all ended up on display in museums. And we - humans - became the dominant species and the new masters of the planet.
How and why was this even possible?
Why could we - weak and pathetic humans - be able to outlive animals that were orders of magnitude more powerful than us?
Hint: It's not through toughness or strength.
It's through ingenuity.
It's ADAPTABILITY.
We are able to create something from nothing.
We can see things that are not real yet, and make them real - with our own 2 hands.
We can adapt to our environment, but we can also adapt our environment to us.
We can turn our dreams into reality.
4. Wisdom
The older I get (and I'm still F*cking young), the more I realize that WISDOM is the greatest treasure a man can possess.
And HUMILITY is the precursor to wisdom - not "mental toughness", not "self-massage".
- Wisdom means your ability to know right from wrong.
- Wisdom means being able to see through the bars of the prison of your own mind.
- Wisdom means being able to observe reality as it truly is.
- Wisdom means being able to make sensible decisions.
- Wisdom means taking the simplest path from A to B.
Press the right buttons and you'll get anything you want in life.
Anything.
All it takes for you to create a meaningful life and stop suffering endlessly is to:
- Realize that you're an idiot.
- Understand exactly how and why you're an idiot.
- Stop being an idiot.
And things will gradually start to improve.
Since this objective and honest analysis of the current situation requires a certain degree of detachment from your perceived sense of self, neither "self-empathy" nor "mental toughness" is required, and might actually be an obstacle in navigating this simple 3-step process:
- "Self-care-empathy-butterflies-healing" will NOT allow you to call yourself an idiot, because you always need to "love yourself for who you are" (LOL)
- "Mental toughness" will make you an even bigger idiot, because you will insist on hammering the square peg into the round hole - likely destroying yourself and those around you in the process.
Final words
There is a time and place for both empathy and detachment, compassion and toughness, acceptance and defiance.
But these are meager tools in the vast arsenal of your human mind, which is capable of things you can't even begin to comprehend.
Do not take these childish, naive, and reductionist ideas of "self-empathy" and "mental toughness" and make them the cornerstones of your worldview.
Both of these things are high-level abstractions that will fall apart like a house of cards as soon as reality kicks in.
Life is much more complex and nuanced than this, and your consciousness transcends anything that can be explained logically, using words. So I will stop here.
May all of us be blessed with wisdom, my friends.
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