Why should I have kids?

[JArcher]

Why should you have kids? It's an interesting question with millions of logical arguments as to why you shouldn't. But people aren't logical. Kids are awful, they scream and cry, they throw tantrums and cause no end of stress from when they're born to them getting into trouble in school. They cost a fortune and force you to spend more time than you should on things that seem pointless. They make a mess, wreck your house, scratch your car (my son destroyed the paint job on my car "washing" it with a sweeping brush) smash windows, rip books, draw on the walls... the list of stresses could take up a page in this thread BUT...

When you're having a hard day and your daughter throws her arms around you just to say she loves you, all those stresses, all the upset, seem to disappear and somehow feel worth it. When there's laughter at the dinner table, running down the beach on a family holiday, telling stories and spending time together who cares that the cars all scratched to f@*k.

There are moments that can never be replaced like watching them win in their first sports game, helping your son pick himself up after his first heartbreak, watching the smile on your daughters face when you let her drive the car and so many others that are worth all the money and stress in the world and to me, money is only as good as the people you spend it on anyway.

Lots of people chase titles, they want to be a doctor, or a lawyer or a millionaire. But you can keep your disposable income, getting drunk at a nightclub on a friday night and "living life" without kids. But my kids mean I'll never be alone, I'll always be loved, not always liked, but always loved. I'll always have someone to love and to do my best in all my efforts for.

I am a DAD. And to me, that's the greatest title in the world, I'll always wear it with more pride than any other that can ever be given to me.
That's why I have kids.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[WJK]

At 22 years old, don't worry about having kids. Worry about putting a life together. If you get the urge later, you can always have kids when you can afford them and have time to enjoy them.

 

[minivanman]

Maybe ask your parents why they had you. Could be an interesting starting point I reckon.

I was an accident. Both my daughters 11 years apart were accidents. I've never 'wanted' a child for 1 second in my life nor have I ever thought having a child might be something for me. Now that I am 53, and having custody of the grandson is something that I really like. Life without him around will be dull once he moves out.... unless I can talk the lil woman in to retiring but that is very doubtful. But.... having the responsibility of a kid before I was 45 was not something I ever wanted which made me not the best dad but everyone I know including my daughter and ex-wife says I'm the best grandpa they have ever seen. lol

 

[Andreas Thiel]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwZ0ZUy7P3E

I was reminded of: How we fix our relationship problems - The Oatmeal

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Brian Suh]

Why should you have kids? It's an interesting question with millions of logical arguments as to why you shouldn't. But people aren't logical. Kids are awful, they scream and cry, they throw tantrums and cause no end of stress from when they're born to them getting into trouble in school. They cost a fortune and force you to spend more time than you should on things that seem pointless. They make a mess, wreck your house, scratch your car (my son destroyed the paint job on my car "washing" it with a sweeping brush) smash windows, rip books, draw on the walls... the list of stresses could take up a page in this thread BUT...

When you're having a hard day and your daughter throws her arms around you just to say she loves you, all those stresses, all the upset, seem to disappear and somehow feel worth it. When there's laughter at the dinner table, running down the beach on a family holiday, telling stories and spending time together who cares that the cars all scratched to f@*k.

There are moments that can never be replaced like watching them win in their first sports game, helping your son pick himself up after his first heartbreak, watching the smile on your daughters face when you let her drive the car and so many others that are worth all the money and stress in the world and to me, money is only as good as the people you spend it on anyway.

Lots of people chase titles, they want to be a doctor, or a lawyer or a millionaire. But you can keep your disposable income, getting drunk at a nightclub on a friday night and "living life" without kids. But my kids mean I'll never be alone, I'll always be loved, not always liked, but always loved. I'll always have someone to love and to do my best in all my efforts for.

I am a DAD. And to me, that's the greatest title in the world, I'll always wear it with more pride than any other that can ever be given to me.
That's why I have kids.

That sounds awesome and i am very happy for you. Maybe I

I was reminded of: How we fix our relationship problems - The Oatmeal

wow thanks for that comic. Gave me a good laugh. Unfortunately that comic represents like 40% of the population

 

[Brian Suh]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwZ0ZUy7P3E

I have a strong feeling this is happening in front of our eyes. The song by lil pump has over 100 million views in one week. I have nothing against club music but this song is so mediocre and people eat it up. Why is it that anything with quality gets drowned out in the sea of mediocrity? Says a lot about humanity on how we like comforting lies over uncomfortable truths

 

[nemenia]

Having a solid family is a really nice feeling. We humans are social beings. Kids are like, your lifeline when you're old. Not even those nursing homes or caretakers can compare to your social ties with your children. Raise them right and they'll be the best presents you'll ever get in your life.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[André Casal]

The decision to have kids is, at it's core, an emotional one. Obviously, you should make rational decisions like money, spare bedroom, school, friends, community and so forth, but at it's core, it's an emotional decision that only makes sense after a certain emotional maturity and after you have a long lasting stable and happy relationship. Neither is easy to obtain.

Raising a kid is extremelly challenging and as with any challenging task, you can only succeed if you have extremelly deep emotional reasons to do it. To me, raising another human being is the highest honor I could ever have.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family?

I wouldn't worry about it. Do what YOU want. Do what makes YOU happy.

Isn't that what we're promoting here?

IF you want 10 kids, do it. IF you want ZERO kids, do it.

However you might find your opinion change with age.

After some growth and maturity, you may want kids. Maybe you won't.

A lot of people of child-rearing years are finding out they not wanting kids is no longer "taboo" or unusual.

I'm more interested in what made you into a narcissist, were you born that way?

LOL.

You can't be serious, but surely you are.

A pathetic generalization, doesn't even warrant a reasonable response other than a pathetic generalization directed at you as well -- you probably think all Republicans are Nazis too, because well, CNN and your Marxist professor told you.

 

[Ayanle Farah]

LOL.

You can't be serious, but surely you are.

A pathetic generalization, doesn't even warrant a reasonable response other than a pathetic generalization directed at you as well -- you probably think all Republicans are Nazis too, because well, CNN and your Marxist professor told you.

How is this a generalization?

You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing.

narcissistic
nar·cis·sis·tic | \ ˌnär-sə-ˈsi-stik \
Definition of Narcissistic
: extremely self-centered with an exaggerated sense of self-importance : marked by or characteristic of excessive admiration of or infatuation with oneself

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Veloman]

Make sure you are sure one way or the other before you get married, and your partner agrees with you.
I married someone who was maybe 20% yes to kids, and I'm more like 70% and I feel we are going in opposite directions on it. Time is running out as she is 34. I'm not sure what's going to happen.

 

[ChrisR]

I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life. In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity.


I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that.

As you know from reading MFL and unscripted , alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish.


If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways, so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?


For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.

My wife and I feel the same way which is why I got a vasectomy not too long ago. We have three dogs that make us really happy.

If you don't want kids then don't have em.

Have kids or don't, it's you choice.

I'm more interested in what made you into a narcissist, were you born that way?

Our world is kinda f*cked because of people like you, no offense.

This is one of the dumbest comments I've ever read, no offense...

LOL.

You can't be serious, but surely you are.

A pathetic generalization, doesn't even warrant a reasonable response other than a pathetic generalization directed at you as well -- you probably think all Republicans are Nazis too, because well, CNN and your Marxist professor told you.

Haha!

 

[MidwestLandlord]

For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.

Yeah, it's not narcissistic to not want to have kids. Your post reads a bit nihilistic though, not sure if that was your intent but I can tell you from personal experience that nihilism doesn't bring long-term happiness. Just something to think about (unless I misread your post, and then just ignore all that haha)

I am 36 years old. I have 2 daughters, 10 and 7.

If I had to do it again, would I have kids?

YES.

But, I would wait until I was around 35 years old to have them. Maybe longer.

Since you're only 22, it's not something, IMHO, you should even have on your radar, much less be worried about...ya know? No hurry.

Find your fastlane, work on that for the next decade or longer. Then decide if having kids is something you want.

If you want kids, great. If you don't want kids, great. Your decision, and anyone that judges you for that is only wasting their own mental energies.

I'm sure you'll hear the usual stuff about "old age" and "not dying alone" and all that crap though...bleh.

Along the same scripted lines, don't fall for the old "you gotta be married to have kids!" nonsense. In the USA, the lifetime divorce rate is almost 70% and the lifetime marriage infidelity rate is over 60%...so yeah. There's better ways to love a woman and have kids than marriage.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[YoungPadawan]

Have kids or don't, it's you choice.

I'm more interested in what made you into a narcissist, were you born that way?

Our world is kinda f*cked because of people like you, no offense.

While I do agree that his post comes off as a bit nihilistic, I wouldnt say that that he is a narcissist for not wanting kids.

It isn't his obligation to have children. It is his choice. While children can be fulfilling for some, they can be draining for others and are a big responsibility to take on.

Ultimately, it's your choice OP. Why try to start an argument about it if you've already made up your mind?

 

[Ayanle Farah]

Yeah, it's not narcissistic to not want to have kids.

Hold on, my reason for calling him a narcissist has nothing to do with his choice.
That's not why I said he was a narcissist, I'm completely indifferent to whether this guy choose to have kids or not and he's not a narcissist if he chooses not to obviously.

Just read the rest of what he said in the OP, that's why I called him a narcissist.

You guys read my post wrong.
@YoungPadawan @MJ DeMarco

 

[amp0193]

I am now 33 and my daughter was born on the 12th. I can honestly say that the moment they plopped our baby onto my wife's chest was the happiest and proudest I have EVER been.

Congrats on the addition... that moment is unforgettable. Raw emotion... nothing like it.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[lowtek]

Yeah, it's not narcissistic to not want to have kids. Your post reads a bit nihilistic though, not sure if that was your intent but I can tell you from personal experience that nihilism doesn't bring long-term happiness. Just something to think about (unless I misread your post, and then just ignore all that haha)

I am 36 years old. I have 2 daughters, 10 and 7.

If I had to do it again, would I have kids?

YES.

But, I would wait until I was around 35 years old to have them. Maybe longer.

Since you're only 22, it's not something, IMHO, you should even have on your radar, much less be worried about...ya know? No hurry.

Find your fastlane, work on that for the next decade or longer. Then decide if having kids is something you want.

If you want kids, great. If you don't want kids, great. Your decision, and anyone that judges you for that is only wasting their own mental energies.

I'm sure you'll hear the usual stuff about "old age" and "not dying alone" and all that crap though...bleh.

Along the same scripted lines, don't fall for the old "you gotta be married to have kids!" nonsense. In the USA, the lifetime divorce rate is almost 70% and the lifetime marriage infidelity rate is over 60%...so yeah. There's better ways to love a woman and have kids than marriage.

I'm 36 and my wife and I just had our first, two months ago.

I'm wishing we had done it 5+ years ago lol.

As far as the OP, at 22 I don't think it's best to have kids. You're not even really done maturing yet (brain doesn't finish maturing until 25, AFAIK). Wait and see how you feel in 5 years.

 

[Timmy C]

Yeah, it's not narcissistic to not want to have kids. Your post reads a bit nihilistic though, not sure if that was your intent but I can tell you from personal experience that nihilism doesn't bring long-term happiness. Just something to think about (unless I misread your post, and then just ignore all that haha)

I am 36 years old. I have 2 daughters, 10 and 7.

If I had to do it again, would I have kids?

YES.

But, I would wait until I was around 35 years old to have them. Maybe longer.

Since you're only 22, it's not something, IMHO, you should even have on your radar, much less be worried about...ya know? No hurry.

Find your fastlane, work on that for the next decade or longer. Then decide if having kids is something you want.

If you want kids, great. If you don't want kids, great. Your decision, and anyone that judges you for that is only wasting their own mental energies.

I'm sure you'll hear the usual stuff about "old age" and "not dying alone" and all that crap though...bleh.

Along the same scripted lines, don't fall for the old "you gotta be married to have kids!" nonsense. In the USA, the lifetime divorce rate is almost 70% and the lifetime marriage infidelity rate is over 60%...so yeah. There's better ways to love a woman and have kids than marriage.

Yeh the whole not die alone thing and the myth of the lonely old man retoric.

News flash we are all gonna die alone, and being in a miserable marriage or relationship with with someone you no longer love with kids, potential divorce, she gets custody and another man raises your kids.....

Those that are married will say that wouldnt happen to me my wife is the one... just tell that to all the widows where there husband died and after he passed found there special one again.....

As a man getting married and having kids today would be a terrible idea in todays society men get a$$ reamed in divorce, if you do go that way at least know the risks. Go into marriage and having kids with your eyes wide open of the likely consequences, facts dont lie.

 

[lowtek]

Yeh the whole not die alone thing and the myth of the lonely old man retoric.

News flash we are all gonna die alone, and being in a miserable marriage or relationship with with someone you no longer love with kids, potential divorce, she gets custody and another man raises your kids.....

Those that are married will say that wouldnt happen to me my wife is the one... just tell that to all the widows where there husband died and after he passed found there special one again.....

As a man getting married and having kids today would be a terrible idea in todays society men get a$$ reamed in divorce, if you do go that way at least know the risks. Go into marriage and having kids with your eyes wide open of the likely consequences, facts dont lie.

Damn dude. That's some serious victim mentality. Really, you're as bad as the pro commie Bernie bros.

I get the MGTOW arguments. The points raised are valid, but the solutions are antithetical to entrepreneurship.

The very same arguments (i.e. half of marriages fail and the man gets eaten alive in court) can be applied to business (i.e. 95% of businesses fail and those that succeed most often end up a job with no way out).

In fact, it's worse. If you have a 50% chance of getting divorced and losing half your shit, getting married reduces your net worth by 25%.

If you have a 95% chance of failing in a business, and losing everything you put in, you lose 95% of what you put in. If you're putting in your life savings... well then you can do the math.

There are just as many tales of people losing everything in business as losing half their wealth in a divorce. Even on this forum.

As far as the widow comment.... dude you need help. There's nothing immoral about a widow trying to find happiness in this world after their spouse died. It doesn't diminish the time they shared with the dead spouse, or their bond.

Regarding everybody dying alone... you're so full of shit it hurts just to read. My uncle died last summer, surrounded by his wife of 47 years, two kids, 5 grand kids, and close friends. Guess he screwed up and didn't take the red pill, yeah? Much better to spend your life playing video games and fapping to pr0n.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Timmy C]

Damn dude. That's some serious victim mentality. Really, you're as bad as the pro commie Bernie bros.

I get the MGTOW arguments. The points raised are valid, but the solutions are antithetical to entrepreneurship.

The very same arguments (i.e. half of marriages fail and the man gets eaten alive in court) can be applied to business (i.e. 95% of businesses fail and those that succeed most often end up a job with no way out).

In fact, it's worse. If you have a 50% chance of getting divorced and losing half your sh*t, getting married reduces your net worth by 25%.

If you have a 95% chance of failing in a business, and losing everything you put in, you lose 95% of what you put in. If you're putting in your life savings... well then you can do the math.

There are just as many tales of people losing everything in business as losing half their wealth in a divorce. Even on this forum.

As far as the widow comment.... dude you need help. There's nothing immoral about a widow trying to find happiness in this world after their spouse died. It doesn't diminish the time they shared with the dead spouse, or their bond.

Regarding everybody dying alone... you're so full of sh*t it hurts just to read. My uncle died last summer, surrounded by his wife of 47 years, two kids, 5 grand kids, and close friends. Guess he screwed up and didn't take the red pill, yeah? Much better to spend your life playing video games and fapping to pr0n.

Dam Man take a chill pill. Having kids and everything isnt wrong never said it was.

No victim mentality here.

Never said there was anything wrong or immoral with that in regards to a widow or vice versa moving on either. i never said that was immoral i was referring to there is the ONE and only person for everyone. never said there was anything immoral about someone moving on after someone passes away.

Facts dont lie lol everyone can do whatever the F*ck they want to do.

Whatever you do in life you lock yourself into an equation its up to the individual what equation they lock themselves into.

I already told OP have kids dont have them the choice is his im not against anyone doing what they want everyone wants something different.

You may not like my opinion but it is just that an opinion.

Alot of what you wrote is simply putting words in my mouth and making assumptions to be fair.

 

[LucaR]

Once you have kids, you see the world also throug their eyes.
You could enjoy also very small issues, like pick up a flower or walking in a park.
The smile of your kid is probably the best reward for any effort you could afford for them.
To adopt one could be the unselfish choiche in the world. Just few of us are able to do it.
Take care Brian and enjoy the life (being father or not)[/QUOTE]

 

[scott.legendre]

I have more fun playing with my 20 month old son than I do dealing with adults. My kid is absolutely awesome.

Women have been way more expensive than my kid is.

He's a mini-me.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Get Right]

My kids make me a better person.

 

[arfadugus]

I have a two year old. Yes it is hard. Yes it is stressful. Not to mention having to sometimes deal with a stressed out spouse. Your sleeping patterns will get screwed up. Your child will do things to defy you. Yes you will have to give up your old life and a lot of things you love. Yes your free time will be cut in half.

As to how your child will turn out? Depends on if you are one of those parents who's smartphone is more important than your kid. If you put the time and effort into actually raising your kid then they will probably turn out great. I put nearly 100% effort into raising my boy. Yet my sister, who has a boy that is nine months older than mine is way behind mine when it comes to skills and behavior. She finds a sitter every chance she gets. She consumes too much alcohol, watches TV rather than spend quality time with her kid. And let's him eat whatever he wants. How I am with my kid is completely different and it shows.

I'm not trying to brag I'm just saying that if you end up with a brat it's probably because you were a bad parent. I use that term loosely because I know it's hard to manage someone else when you don't have your shit together. I'll go back to my sister. I don't blame her for being a bad parent. She probably shouldnt have had a kid in the first place. She's a hot mess. How can you expect someone to take care of someone else when they can't even take care of themselves? She has grown a lot though. Our family members can actually bare to be around her now. (She used to be so negative about every single thing that no one wanted to even be in the same room as her) having a kid definitely spread positivity into her life and she does love her son.

Have you spent any time getting your own internal shit together? I've spent the last seven years making myself a better person. If I had a kid 7 years ago it would have been a completely different story. I guess that is called maturity or growing up. Some people don't seem to do that. Even if you are "mature" maybe you dont care to have a kid. That is fine. Just don't do it until you know that you are in the proper mindset to do it. That is more important than how much money you make, or your current circumstances.

Having a child brings so much joy into my life that I can't even explain it. I have so much more purpose and aim. I finally love someone more than I love myself. I would do anything for him. All the stress, hard work, up and down emotions, anger, fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. Is 1,000,000% worth it.

I have always had thoughts like, what if I could go back in time to change things with the brain that I have now? What would I do differently in high school? What would I do differently after? And at other points in time. If I could go back and start over would I? I used to say hell yes. Who wouldn't? But now when I think about it. I would have to have a guarantee that my life since having my son would be the EXACT same. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. Nor would I trade having my son for a more adventure packed/ successful life. That's how powerful having a kid can be.

I don't think anyone can really grasp what it is like to be a parent until you have actually been one. All of the suck seems to disappear. It's like you think the pain of childbirth would be terrible. But when the mother first sees her child's face her whole world lights up with euphoric bliss that is pure happiness.

Sent from my ONEPLUS A3000 using Tapatalk

 

[arfadugus]

I have more fun playing with my 20 month old son than I do dealing with adults. My kid is absolutely awesome.

Women have been way more expensive than my kid is.

He's a mini-me.

I get to play with Legos again!

Sent from my ONEPLUS A3000 using Tapatalk

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Ddowns46]

I'm 29 with a 1.5 year old daughter and another on the way. Besides my wife, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. For what its worth, i own a very successful fastlane business that i started shortly after my daughter was born.

I know what my daughter/family means to me. The decisions i made were the right ones for me. May not be the right ones for others.

 

[Bryan James]

I'll be 28 later this year and have no children (that I'm aware of) and not even married, and I'm perfectly happy. I don't think it's narcissistic to not have a "traditional life". I understand that perhaps in other countries, different cultures may have different "norms" and expectations, but ultimately it's up to you and not a very controversial or important subject tbh. It's up to you.

 

[Niptuck MD]

this is a personal choice. should be in a rant section or lifestyle section.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[ApeRunner]

Kids having kids. It’s pathetic and honestly makes the world worse

You're absolutely right. Kids shouldn't have kids. You must wait till you grow up.

At 22 years old, don't worry about having kids. Worry about putting a life together. If you get the urge later, you can always have kids when you can afford them and have time to enjoy them.

Exactly.

Once you have kids, you see the world also throug their eyes.
You could enjoy also very small issues, like pick up a flower or walking in a park.

I had my first son almost four years ago. I was reborn. A lot of the mental crap in my mind has gone now. I feel now like I have a second opportunity in life. I live again as a new person through my child. I am now more at peace with the world. And more positive.

That is my experience.

 

[Brian Suh]

These are all great points that i will consider mocing forward. Ultimately, i have decided that once i am on the peak of my game, career, and skill set, i will have a kid. I dont want to resent the little bastard for stealing my dreams haha