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HOT TOPIC Why should I have kids?

Brian Suh

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I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as F*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life. In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity.


I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that.

As you know from reading MFL and unscripted, alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish.


If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways, so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?


For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.
 

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DennisDuty

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Where is all this coming from?

You're not going to get a 'solid argument' because nobody here cares whether or not you have a kid.

That's like me asking the community "Convince me to wear green, I want a real solid argument!"

Why have a kid?
Because you want one.
 

Xeon

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I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life. In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity.

I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that.

As you know from reading MFL and unscripted, alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish.

If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways, so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?

For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.
I dislike kids too, thb. But here's the thing : when you're old one day, who's gonna take care of you? While there's no guarantee that your kids will fulfill that role, most do.
Lots of folks who are childless, get admitted into old folks' homes where you face the possibility of getting abused by the nurses. And the ones who cannot afford or unable to get into those elderly homes for some reason, they end up sleeping on the streets.

Please note, I'm speaking from a purely Asian point of view since in many societies here in the eastern part of the world, there's the culture of taking care of one's elderly parents, so it may not apply to your society there (I understand in the US, kids move out 18 and their parents take care of themselves / government takes care of them).

And my favorite pet peeve of all time : Stop posting your baby/kids' pics on Facebook! Your kids are not cute at all!
 

The Abundant Man

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So this is one of those "What's the point of life if we're all going to die anyways." existential crisis.

If you don't want kids then don't have kids. If you do want kids then have kids.

Biologically, we're all designed to spread around for species survivablity.

Personally, I love kids. They're a joy. Some parents will be like, "My kid is just trouble. Kids suck. I hate kids." While some parents will say, "No matter how much stress my kid gives. I will still love them no matter what." Some people absolutely love the 9-5. Obviously, people on this do not. It's all a matter of perspective.

In the South Park episode, You're Getting Old, as Stan is getting older he starts to think everything in the world sucks. This causes everybody to hate because he's being a cynical dick.

One of my favorite movies is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Jim Carrey is erasing the memories of his past relationship with Kate Winslet. He starts going through the memories thinking "This relationship was awful. I see where it went wrong" but then as he's going through the good memories he wants the relationship back seeing how good it really was.

It's always a grass is greener on the other side scenario. Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

Nothing in life is ever really certain. As you said, it's what you make of it. If you start thinking negatively about kids. Then yeah it's going to be a negative experience. If you start thinking positively about kids. Then they might grow up to be well adjusted people. Of course there are outliers.
 

ZF Lee

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I have often thought about the issue of having kids.

I think its safe to say that most folks just blunder into the 'having kids' phase without knowing why, or what for.

Some think having kids is like a family duty, or part of blessings of their own religion.

Some think having kids is for a retirement scheme. I was a bit shocked to find from Kiyosaki's books that the poor generally have big families so that their children's welfare and job income all add up to fund retirement. Quite Sidewalkish.

However, I remember that on one of the threads here, Vig mentioned something on 'leaving breadcrumbs for the folks to follow after us'. The whole premise of this forum is that folks learn what they can from doing, post about it, and those that come after learn it up, use it to derive new experiences and upgrade on it to create new information or business knowledge.

I feel the same way goes with kids.

I would have kids to further develop what I have learned, grow it, upgrade it and use it to bless more people. Like money or a family business.

It could be business knowledge, Or a trades craft. Long ago, carpenters and smiths passed down special skills to their kids.

It could be a special philosophy or moral principle, something unlike Ray Dalio's Principles or MJ's UNSCRIPTED. Religions and other mindset-orientated cultures have grown and thrived because of passing down through family lines.

But of course, if you don't have anything special or unique to teach the kids, I guess you have to go work on it. Some might call it 'legacy'. I call it, 'process.'
 

S.Y.

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For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.
I have a son. And he is by FAR, the best event that has ever happened to me.

I am not here to convince you. For me, that's not how it works. If you have to get down to arguments, to pros vs cons; then please DONT.

There's this idea that having a kid prevent you from living to the fullest. This might be true statistically (I have no clue). In my case, however, it is wrong. The quality of my life has significantly increased since I became a father.

Sure they demand your time. Sure they are self-centered, codependent, stressful, etc....

But you also have to include the positive: they are joyful, they give you a totally different perspective in life, raising one to be unscripted is a rewarding challenge, the hug, the first steps, the first word, the first day in class. There is a magic in those experiences.

I will end with this. You seem to have many "either or" positions.
- having a kid doesn't prevent you to live life to the fullest
- having a kid doesn't prevent you to grow as a person
- having a kid doesn't prevent you to touch other people lives and leave a legacy
 

Tommo

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I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life. In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity.


I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that.

As you know from reading MFL and unscripted, alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish.


If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways, so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?


For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.
Maybe ask your parents why they had you. Could be an interesting starting point I reckon.
 

SquatchMan

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Have you been reading Nietzsche?

It's hardwired into humans (every living organism, really) to want offspring to further spread their wonderful genes. I don't really see the need to argue for kids. It should be something that every living organism, including humans, wants.

Simple as that.
 
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Brian Suh

Brian Suh

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Have kids or don't, it's you choice.

I'm more interested in what made you into a narcissist, were you born that way?

Our world is kinda f*cked because of people like you, no offense.
I'm just questioning common convention and wondering to hear different persepectives. This is not an issue to be taken lightly as kids have a HUGE consequence on one's life. Being a narcissist and having one's self interest are two completely different things. You wouldn't be on this site if it wasn't for your self-interest. Being narcissist is thinking you are special somehow and deserve special treatment.
 

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Timmy C

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If you don't want kids dont have any! FFS just because everyone else is doing something doesn't mean you have to.

I have mates that are happy they had kids and others that look dead inside and have told me personally they regret having kids.
 
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Brian Suh

Brian Suh

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If you don't want kids dont have any! FFS just because everyone else is doing something doesn't mean you have to.

I have mates that are happy they had kids and others that look dead inside and have told me personally they regret having kids.
The same applies to everything. The reason I made this thread is to hear stories or someone that can maybe provide the RIGHT reasons to have kids. Again, I believe most people have kids because they are socially conditioned to and thus never achieve their true potential in life and achieve their dreams. Like college and getting married, it can be done because of sleep walking through life.
 

MTEE1985

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This is not an issue to be taken lightly as kids have a HUGE consequence on one's life.
Agreed. Also agree that it’s completely up to you and if you’re even asking the question and view them as a consequence you are nowhere near prepared to have them.

But since you wanted perspectives, here’s mine...they are expensive, they can be annoying, it is stressful, you lose sleep, you lose time with your spouse and after all that, they are the best thing that we have ever done. There is literally nothing better in the world to me than when my 3 year randomly walks over, hugs me and says “I love you daddy”.
 
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Ayanle Farah

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I'm just questioning common convention and wondering to hear different persepectives. This is not an issue to be taken lightly as kids have a HUGE consequence on one's life. Being a narcissist and having one's self interest are two completely different things. You wouldn't be on this site if it wasn't for your self-interest. Being narcissist is thinking you are special somehow and deserve special treatment.
How is this not thinking you are special somehow and deserve special treatment, i.e. a narcissist?
You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing.
You didn't leave much room for anyone else, I guess anyone who is not you might aswell not exist and don't matter.
 

Overdrive

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I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life.
I am 46 years old so I know I am older and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around owning a FERRARI. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, FERRARIS can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life.

Ask yourself:

Why do some people want to own a Ferrari? Because it makes them FEEL GOOD.
Why do some people want to have kids? Because it makes them FEEL GOOD.

You don't have to own a Ferrari and you don't have to have kids in order to live a happy life. But also nothing wrong with either one.
 

GPM

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No one cares if you have kids or not. Well, maybe your parents might.

I always knew I would eventually want kids. Have been actively trying with my wife for several years.

I am now 33 and my daughter was born on the 12th. I can honestly say that the moment they plopped our baby onto my wife's chest was the happiest and proudest I have EVER been.

I am creating an empire, and she is the heir. Gone are the days of staying up late to party. Gone are the days of only thinking about myself. I look to the future, and I am holding it in my arms right now.

Kids are sort of like business in that you need to think long term. If you can't see past today then maybe it is not a great time to start a business OR have kids. You need to be willing to put in thousands of hours and years of your life with no payback and be ok with it.

Don't be an asshhole who has a kid who you then neglect. The world needs far less of those.
 

NewManRising

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I feel this way about marriage. Absolutely no good reason to do it. And it is a huge financial risk especially for men. Children have their pros and cons. Some good reasons is that it can fill your life with joy, have someone around when you're old, have someone around to pass your genes, having a bond/symbol of love with a woman, etc. The other thing to consider is "timing". Don't get caught in the foolish trap of thinking you need to have kids/marry at a certain time in your life. Everyone's life has it's own pace. Do things at your pace and if and when it is right. Don't be like those fools who rush into things because everyone else is doing it. If everyone does something in their 20s but you want to wait until your 30s then do that. Always look at the big picture. Having children is a big financial decision many people don't consider.
 

NewManRising

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Have kids or don't, it's you choice.

I'm more interested in what made you into a narcissist, were you born that way?

Our world is kinda f*cked because of people like you, no offense.
I'd argue it is the opposite. The world is f*cked up when people who are neither financially or emotionally stable have children. At least this guy is honest and being responsible. And I don't think what he says qualifies as being a narcissist. That is a total different thing.
 
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Brian Suh

Brian Suh

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I am 46 years old so I know I am older and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around owning a FERRARI. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, FERRARIS can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life.

Ask yourself:

Why do some people want to own a Ferrari? Because it makes them FEEL GOOD.
Why do some people want to have kids? Because it makes them FEEL GOOD.

You don't have to own a Ferrari and you don't have to have kids in order to live a happy life. But also nothing wrong with either one.
That is the worst comparison in the world. You cant control a human being, they have emotions and intents of there own. If i lwave a ferrari in my garage, i KNOW it will stay there. If i leave a kid in a garage, who knows what thw F*ck will happen.
 

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Brian Suh

Brian Suh

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How is this not thinking you are special somehow and deserve special treatment, i.e. a narcissist?
You didn't leave much room for anyone else, I guess anyone who is not you might aswell not exist and don't matter.
It’s my life and I will do as I damn please. That doesn’t make me a narcissist. I don’t think you know what a narcissist means. And I have seen kids born into terrible situations because there parents weren’t thinking and now they have to face that burden. I would argue that it is more ethical to not have kids until you CONSCIOUSLY decide to have a kid from an intelligent space.
 
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Brian Suh

Brian Suh

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No one cares if you have kids or not. Well, maybe your parents might.

I always knew I would eventually want kids. Have been actively trying with my wife for several years.

I am now 33 and my daughter was born on the 12th. I can honestly say that the moment they plopped our baby onto my wife's chest was the happiest and proudest I have EVER been.

I am creating an empire, and she is the heir. Gone are the days of staying up late to party. Gone are the days of only thinking about myself. I look to the future, and I am holding it in my arms right now.

Kids are sort of like business in that you need to think long term. If you can't see past today then maybe it is not a great time to start a business OR have kids. You need to be willing to put in thousands of hours and years of your life with no payback and be ok with it.

Don't be an asshhole who has a kid who you then neglect. The world needs far less of those.
Make sure you don’t spoil the kid. I come from a place where there are a TON of rich kids and I can honestly say 95% are hooked on hard drugs.
this is exactly what I see. Kids having kids. It’s pathetic and honestly makes the world worse
 
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Brian Suh

Brian Suh

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How is this not thinking you are special somehow and deserve special treatment, i.e. a narcissist?
You didn't leave much room for anyone else, I guess anyone who is not you might aswell not exist and don't matter.
A narcissist is forcing someone or a group of people to do something for you because you think you are special. I am not forcing anyone on anything. I am just stating that we should question bringing a LIFE to this earth before we are fairly self sufficient. How many people do you know that are completely self reliable. Not just financially but emotionally as well. There are plenty of billionaires who are miserable with no personal life as they are doing it for the wrong reason. Same with having kids.
 

Ayanle Farah

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It’s my life and I will do as I damn please. That doesn’t make me a narcissist. I don’t think you know what a narcissist means. And I have seen kids born into terrible situations because there parents weren’t thinking and now they have to face that burden. I would argue that it is more ethical to not have kids until you CONSCIOUSLY decide to have a kid from an intelligent space.
You told me what narcissism is and you fit right in your own definition.

Even if a kid is born into a "terrible" situation which I assume you're talking about poor people. It's not like it can't get better, but kids can be born into luxury with plenty of opportunities and still have terrible childhoods.
 
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Brian Suh

Brian Suh

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You told me what narcissism is and you fit right in your own definition.

Even if a kid is born into a "terrible" situation which I assume you're talking about poor people. It's not like it can't get better, but kids can be born into luxury with plenty of opportunities and still have terrible childhoods.
Saying I will do as I please doesn’t mean to enforce myself on others. If my parents want me to get married and I don’t want to I won’t. That’s not being a narcissist. That situation is so rare though. Look at ghetto community.
 

Ayanle Farah

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I am just stating that we should question bringing a LIFE to this earth before we are fairly self sufficient.
How do you define being emotionally self-sufficient? How do you judge someone whether they have that quality or not?
 
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Brian Suh

Brian Suh

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How do you define being emotionally self-sufficient? How do you judge someone whether they have that quality or not?
Not looking to others for validation. Having your own “style” in doing things. Having independent thought and having opinions on things and not just parading what they’ve heard.
 

mike24601

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Posts like these highlight how strong a hold our societal norms and taboos have on people. You know you don't want kids, neither do I. Later in life that may change when you've accomplished the things you want to accomplish. There have been quite a few movie stars and famous musicians who, in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s have decided that their life puzzle would not be complete without a kid or two. Kudos to them. The point is stick to your gut when the answer is obvious.
 

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