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Before you guys call me the stupidest person alive, please hear me out. I’ll make it as short as possible.
The biggest fear I have about being rich is my family. They are typical sidewalkers. Begging is something I’ve known all my life. Everybody always needs money to pay this bill or buy a necessity for that baby. Money has always been the sore point in my family. Arguments regularly break out over who is paying for what. This is probably why we don’t do typical family events together, like Christmas or Thanksgiving, because few want to commit to pay for something as basic as food.
Last year, when my maternal grandmother turned 90, it was myself and another cousin of the same age who paid for the entire party, because her own surviving children and grandchildren either didn’t have the money or just didn’t want to pay for it. But they still managed to show up to the party…
Part of this problem is my grandmother’s fault. I love her but she has turned most of her children and now grandchildren into what I call stray cats. The free milk was her money and like stray cats they continue to come back for more. Her regular saying is “You gotta help family out.” But her constant helping has made them take advantage of her so badly that now, even at 90, they are still begging her for money, not to mention crashing on the floor of her studio apartment in a retirement community because they can’t afford places of their own.
But the biggest offender of begging is none other than my mother. She has lived nearly her entire life subsisting on the help of others from my father, stepfather, her children, grandchildren, and public aid. For as long as I’ve known her she rarely contributes anything, just takes. If you refuse her requests, she calls you selfish. She has stolen mines and my brother’s identities for services, told people I was on my deathbed in the hospital to get money (I had bad asthma as a child), and yes, stolen. I’ve never met someone so unwilling to work or take responsibility for their actions in my life.
You know those stories you hear about kids who grow up poor in violent neighborhoods, with bad schools, little food in the house, familial substance abuse, homelessness, but still manage to graduate high school, and college, and go on to be a working member of society? That was her kid – me. In many ways I know I beat some high odds, but no matter how much I succeed or how far I go in life, I can’t escape the regular cries for money that come from home. When other people get a call from their mothers, they can reasonably expect a nice conversation with her. But when I get a call from my mother, I don’t know if she’s calling to talk or ask for money. Usually it’s about money.
Because of my grandmother, the ‘help family out’ attitude is strong in my family. You can screw up over and over again, never pay someone back, call them selfish, and even get physically abusive with them (my cousin, not my mother) and still have the right to expect them to open their doors and wallets to you.
And this is why I have such an apprehension about making a lot of money. Yes, I want the freedom and success that comes with it, but I don’t want to deal with the begging that will follow. Sometimes, when I’m about to start on a business related project, I think to myself what’s the point. If I sacrifice all my energy to gain the world, I’ll likely spend equal energy fighting off the cold hands of my begging family.
I know it seems silly to fear making money because of begging family members. It’s not saying no to them that I’m struggling with (I do it often). It’s dealing with the emotions that come with it. It’s an annoyed/sad/angry feeling the grates on me with every request. I guess this is more a rant than a question, but I do wonder if other aspiring and established entrepreneurs have these worries regarding the sidewalkers in their lives. I want to be successful in my business pursuits, but I don’t want to deal with the expectations of taking care of people who don’t want to take care of themselves.
Sorry for the long read and thank you for listening.
The biggest fear I have about being rich is my family. They are typical sidewalkers. Begging is something I’ve known all my life. Everybody always needs money to pay this bill or buy a necessity for that baby. Money has always been the sore point in my family. Arguments regularly break out over who is paying for what. This is probably why we don’t do typical family events together, like Christmas or Thanksgiving, because few want to commit to pay for something as basic as food.
Last year, when my maternal grandmother turned 90, it was myself and another cousin of the same age who paid for the entire party, because her own surviving children and grandchildren either didn’t have the money or just didn’t want to pay for it. But they still managed to show up to the party…
Part of this problem is my grandmother’s fault. I love her but she has turned most of her children and now grandchildren into what I call stray cats. The free milk was her money and like stray cats they continue to come back for more. Her regular saying is “You gotta help family out.” But her constant helping has made them take advantage of her so badly that now, even at 90, they are still begging her for money, not to mention crashing on the floor of her studio apartment in a retirement community because they can’t afford places of their own.
But the biggest offender of begging is none other than my mother. She has lived nearly her entire life subsisting on the help of others from my father, stepfather, her children, grandchildren, and public aid. For as long as I’ve known her she rarely contributes anything, just takes. If you refuse her requests, she calls you selfish. She has stolen mines and my brother’s identities for services, told people I was on my deathbed in the hospital to get money (I had bad asthma as a child), and yes, stolen. I’ve never met someone so unwilling to work or take responsibility for their actions in my life.
You know those stories you hear about kids who grow up poor in violent neighborhoods, with bad schools, little food in the house, familial substance abuse, homelessness, but still manage to graduate high school, and college, and go on to be a working member of society? That was her kid – me. In many ways I know I beat some high odds, but no matter how much I succeed or how far I go in life, I can’t escape the regular cries for money that come from home. When other people get a call from their mothers, they can reasonably expect a nice conversation with her. But when I get a call from my mother, I don’t know if she’s calling to talk or ask for money. Usually it’s about money.
Because of my grandmother, the ‘help family out’ attitude is strong in my family. You can screw up over and over again, never pay someone back, call them selfish, and even get physically abusive with them (my cousin, not my mother) and still have the right to expect them to open their doors and wallets to you.
And this is why I have such an apprehension about making a lot of money. Yes, I want the freedom and success that comes with it, but I don’t want to deal with the begging that will follow. Sometimes, when I’m about to start on a business related project, I think to myself what’s the point. If I sacrifice all my energy to gain the world, I’ll likely spend equal energy fighting off the cold hands of my begging family.
I know it seems silly to fear making money because of begging family members. It’s not saying no to them that I’m struggling with (I do it often). It’s dealing with the emotions that come with it. It’s an annoyed/sad/angry feeling the grates on me with every request. I guess this is more a rant than a question, but I do wonder if other aspiring and established entrepreneurs have these worries regarding the sidewalkers in their lives. I want to be successful in my business pursuits, but I don’t want to deal with the expectations of taking care of people who don’t want to take care of themselves.
Sorry for the long read and thank you for listening.
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