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F Tinder tell me where you men hang out at.

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

MJ DeMarco

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but more like guys who have a healthy mentality of smart, honest work, mindfulness, ambition...guys who acknowledge they have things they can work on and improve on instead of mocking self-improvement. Good manage of their finances, however small they might be. A mentality of teamwork and helping each other achieve each other's goals, whether it's the fastlane or something else. You get where I'm going? Does that sound unrealistic? I'd just like to pick a person whose goal is also to help each other grow this time, not hurt.

If you believe in a God, I'd say church.

From a pure probability standpoint, you would probably find better odds there when seeking all of the above criteria. (And when I say "church" I mean a non-denominational church as they tend to be less dogmatic.)

I just do activities that I enjoy and meet awesome people along the way, and if one person really stands out I'll ask them out.

As cliche as it sounds, live your life and work to be who you want to be. Opportunities arise and with them, like-minded people.

+1.

Some type of shared activity club -- like Toastmasters or Tennis.

Just focus on becoming a great YOU. You will eventually come in contact with someone interesting.

Sorry to hear about your divorce.
 

IceCreamKid

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Sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I don’t care what people say, breaking up is never easy.

My advice:
Just do you and build up your awesome self. Other people will notice and be like, “Wow her world rocks. My world rocks. I wonder if we could rock out together?”

Places I’ve been to in the past few days:
-Starbucks

-real estate meetup

-joined local mastermind of entrepreneurs. There was a $10k fee to join and they verify your background to make sure you’re not just trying to get in to sell crap to other members. I’ve been spending a lot of my time searching for biz groups with a high barrier to entry.

-Silicon Valley Capital Club

-Church

-Target

-Golf. If you’re not into golf, try out the driving range.

-Starbucks

-Starbucks

-Starbucks. Did I mention Starbucks?

I’ve honestly given up on trying to find ladybirds that have adopted the fastlane mindset. I’m sure they’re out there, but I have no clue where they are.
 
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BellaPippin

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I'm a very introverted person, so I'm probably the worst person to suggest these kinds of ideas, haha.

I know what you mean. I'm towards the introverted side too, but I'm not shy (difference). I go for sprints of social commitments because of all I do but at the end of the day I like/need to recharge by staying at home some hanging out with myself. :D

Keep in mind that you're probably going through a lot of psychological things
(...)

Yes I know. I'm taking my time to heal with the help of my uberly supportive awesome and empowering friends, plus some counselling.

If you believe in a God, I'd say church.

I'm agnostic. :D That said, becoming a GREAT me is on top of my list.

Did you get blasted with 10,000 "Hey there ;)" PM's because of this thread yet? haha

LOL no! But I did say that it's horrible timing anyway, it's just that my brain is usually months, sometimes years ahead of me, I struggle to be in the present :p
pick "high class" volunteer work
Yeah I actually volunteer for the UN Association in the city. I've met a great deal of intelligent people so far thanks to that, it's rewarding but also very engaging intellectually speaking. I guess when the time comes I just need to pull a "let's get coffee and discuss that some more!" haha

The best way to meet girls is through your social circle.

Hey thanks, but I don't think I'm looking for girl on girl action yet lmao


Too @jon.a @Duane @TeveTorbes @IceCreamKid @G-Man @Under-Dog @Vigilante @Longinus @Joe Cassandra @TheDillon__ @Almantas @Ika @becks22 @Waspy

And everyone suggesting I focus on myself and all those activities... thanks, you just validated what my own gut was telling me about this new chapter.

I take Krav Maga classes, played all summer in a volleyball league, I volunteer for the UN chapter in Chicago and will soon be part of the board, I attend many events related to things I find engaging. Besides well, my job and school, and of course, my fastlane in progress.

I'll stick to that and I'm confident that I will attract the right people. :)


Thanks y'all <3
 

BellaPippin

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Kinda piggy backing on this thread but I didn't wanna hijack it. I'm getting divorced. After 7 years and 4 years of marriage *sigh*. Most of my twenties, pretty much. Long story short, abusive relationship. I'm out, moving on. I'm currently healing, focusing on myself, finishing my last two classes, projects, etc. Still pretty fresh so I'm not rushing into anything. I got some good stuff going on for myself that I can (and should) focus on.

Since I do tend to think way ahead of time, however (master overthinker lvl 9000+), this question is knawing at my brain: Where do you guys tend to hang out, socialize, approach girls, etc? For research purposes, lol. I can't help thinking about stuff that's yet to happen.

I'd like to make it clear that I'm not asking where "accomplished fastlaners" go, but more like guys who have a healthy mentality of smart, honest work, mindfulness, ambition...guys who acknowledge they have things they can work on and improve on instead of mocking self-improvement. Good manage of their finances, however small they might be. A mentality of teamwork and helping each other achieve each other's goals, whether it's the fastlane or something else. You get where I'm going? Does that sound unrealistic? I'd just like to pick a person whose goal is also to help each other grow this time, not hurt.

I mean, I'm pretty sure you guys go hang out at bars and watch games too and I know you go to the gym and what not. I'm also aware that it could be the person next to me on the train. But throw a sister a bone here....pun not intended. Help me calm the anxiety a bit.

I'm 28 btw and don't send me to nightclubs if possible, thanks. :p
 
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MidwestLandlord

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Did you get blasted with 10,000 "Hey there ;)" PM's because of this thread yet? haha

In all seriousness, sorry to hear about your divorce. Tough stuff.

I've known tons of guys that fit your description (as far as I know they do anyway, not like I was dating them lol)

Try volunteer work. Great place to meet people in general, which of course would include dudes. (pick "high class" volunteer work, not soup kitchens and homeless shelters. While the homeless of course need the help, and it's honorable work to volunteer there, a lot of the guys volunteering at places like that are forced to volunteer for court ordered restitution)

Churches, hospitals, hospices, mental health facilities, humane society, old folks homes, etc...

My sister met her LTR at the humane society, and he's an OK dude.

Hope that helps.
 
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Vigilante

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My hope for you is that you find a guy that is honest, intelligent, monogamous, hard working, real, and stable.

Almost all of the friends that I have that meet that profile are found at the church we attend.

(edited : and kind)
 
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Andy Black

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Kinda piggy backing on this thread but I didn't wanna hijack it. I'm getting divorced. After 7 years and 4 years of marriage *sigh*. Most of my twenties, pretty much. Long story short, abusive relationship. I'm out, moving on. I'm currently healing, focusing on myself, finishing my last two classes, projects, etc. Still pretty fresh so I'm not rushing into anything. I got some good stuff going on for myself that I can (and should) focus on.

Since I do tend to think way ahead of time, however (master overthinker lvl 9000+), this question is knawing at my brain: Where do you guys tend to hang out, socialize, approach girls, etc? For research purposes, lol. I can't help thinking about stuff that's yet to happen.

I'd like to make it clear that I'm not asking where "accomplished fastlaners" go, but more like guys who have a healthy mentality of smart, honest work, mindfulness, ambition...guys who acknowledge they have things they can work on and improve on instead of mocking self-improvement. Good manage of their finances, however small they might be. A mentality of teamwork and helping each other achieve each other's goals, whether it's the fastlane or something else. You get where I'm going? Does that sound unrealistic? I'd just like to pick a person whose goal is also to help each other grow this time, not hurt.

I mean, I'm pretty sure you guys go hang out at bars and watch games too and I know you go to the gym and what not. I'm also aware that it could be the person next to me on the train. But throw a sister a bone here....pun not intended. Help me calm the anxiety a bit.

I'm 28 btw and don't send me to nightclubs if possible, thanks. :p
Sound like you've been through the mills. Kudos for standing up for yourself and moving on.

A line from my late brother that I really like: "It doesn't get easier, you get stronger."

As everyone is saying, just be you, and get comfortable being you first.

Doing activities you enjoy will bring you into contact with similar minded people.

As one of my pals used to say: "Be engaged and engaging." There's nothing more attractive than someone doing their thing whole-heartedly.

Most of all... breathe.
 

G-Man

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Also recommended volunteer places like @jon.a You can't put up a screen for every undesirable trait without getting to know a person, but places that require people to give their time/money/effort to help others with no payback tends to screen out those that are total dbags. Plus, you usually have some sort of shared activity that makes initiating conversation and getting to know people easier without the forced awkwardness of dating.
 

MJ DeMarco

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MeetMindful.com is her site

Looks interesting! The only problem here is, most people advertise what they want to be, not what they are. So I would fear that people would join this who are interested in self-development and healthy eating, but aren't doing it. It's kinda the same catch-22 we deal with here -- everyone here is interested in becoming financially independent, but very few practice it daily.
 
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Duane

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I enjoy rock climbing, I meet a lot of people there. Dated one girl that had a lot of similar interests as me from there. I don't look for relationships, I just do activities that I enjoy and meet awesome people along the way, and if one person really stands out I'll ask them out.

Some other activities I do: Martial arts, yoga, gymnastics, meditation classes, getting work done at a coffee shop and talking to people that are also regulars there.

The list goes on, but I think the biggest takeaway is that if someone is looking for someone to date. They shouldn't go out of their way to meet them, if they meet someone doing something they don't normally do or at a venue they normally don't go to, they're going to struggle to find people that they have commonalities with.

Instead, they should pick up hobbies that they enjoy and just be social and talk to people while they're doing that activity. Especially being a girl, they will get offers for dates no matter where they go if they're open and friendly.

There are shitty people and awesome people everywhere you go, so it's up to us to be able to filter out the shitty people and form stronger relationships with the awesome people we meet.
 
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G

GuestUser450

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Proximity is more powerful that compatibility and it works both to the positive and negative. Where you spend time qualifies the people you'll meet.

So don't go anywhere to "meet guys" - As cliche as it sounds, live your life and work to be who you want to be. Opportunities arise and with them, like-minded people. Like business, there are lots of "shortcuts" but they all come with risk.

If you love tennis, join a league. If you love business, there's local meetups, incubators, coworking spaces, etc. with people who feel the same. Just being you out in the world is enough.

When we're alone, it's all we think about. We get frustrated with who's around us and look to scale our relationships. That's why apps like Tinder exist, because there's a market for the idea of casual relationships, but in truth it's filled with the loneliest people in the world.

There's no easy answer and I wouldn't think you'd want one either. Deep down we all know that anything worthwhile takes time and effort, especially high quality relationships.
 
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BellaPippin

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I say this as I am now going through the same thing after 3 years of marriage and this, more than anything else, is how I intend to do (and be) better next time around.

To your success.

Sorry to hear. To your success too. We get back up and keep trying.

In my opinion tho, I wouldn't rush into a relationship. I'm not saying you are, but think about this for a second.

You're a fastlane girl. Maybe you need a slowlane counterpart. Life is like a Ying-Yang. There's got to be balance.

2dqjz3p.jpg

I love that you got that reference xD Yeah no not rushing. Just like everyone's telling me I know there's no point in forcing it and I do myself better service just doing my thing and growing on my own to attract the right person. I was just curious to know if like minded people like us frequent any type of activities but I guess it's more complex than that. Ultimately I'll take care of myself and that will (mostly) take care of itself I hope.

And yeah I'm not particularly in need of a fastlaner, as long as he doesn't feel threatened or uncomfortable by me striving for that. It's more about finding a good, kind companion that helps me be a better person.

Sound like you've been through the mills. Kudos for standing up for yourself and moving on.

Thanks. Now that I was finally able to leave him I told myself I wouldn't even think about it anymore. I'm not a victim. He's become completely irrelevant and won't be delaying my success any more.


I like how the "here" points to a stack of hundreds... lol
 

mws87

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Kinda piggy backing on this thread but I didn't wanna hijack it. I'm getting divorced. After 7 years and 4 years of marriage *sigh*. Most of my twenties, pretty much. Long story short, abusive relationship. I'm out, moving on. I'm currently healing, focusing on myself, finishing my last two classes, projects, etc. Still pretty fresh so I'm not rushing into anything. I got some good stuff going on for myself that I can (and should) focus on.

Since I do tend to think way ahead of time, however (master overthinker lvl 9000+), this question is knawing at my brain: Where do you guys tend to hang out, socialize, approach girls, etc? For research purposes, lol. I can't help thinking about stuff that's yet to happen.

I'd like to make it clear that I'm not asking where "accomplished fastlaners" go, but more like guys who have a healthy mentality of smart, honest work, mindfulness, ambition...guys who acknowledge they have things they can work on and improve on instead of mocking self-improvement. Good manage of their finances, however small they might be. A mentality of teamwork and helping each other achieve each other's goals, whether it's the fastlane or something else. You get where I'm going? Does that sound unrealistic? I'd just like to pick a person whose goal is also to help each other grow this time, not hurt.

I mean, I'm pretty sure you guys go hang out at bars and watch games too and I know you go to the gym and what not. I'm also aware that it could be the person next to me on the train. But throw a sister a bone here....pun not intended. Help me calm the anxiety a bit.

I'm 28 btw and don't send me to nightclubs if possible, thanks. :p
Sorry to hear about the divorce. That shit can be tough. I got divorced years ago, and it was one of the best things to happen in my life.

As far as a "dating scene" goes, I couldn't tell ya. When I dabbled with online dating I realized it was a big time-suck, mostly because the folks on the websites I was using seemed stuck in a sidewalk mentality; not interested in meeting people who use more emojis than actual words in a conversation, heh.

Anyway, as far as generally meeting folks with a like-minded mentality in the "real" world: it can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. Hell, out of all the people I've been friends with and known offline, there are maybe 2-3 that have an Unscripted ™ mindset, which are the ones I'm closest to now. I've met really good people at book stores, coffee shops in certain parts of town.

What about meetups? What better way to find friends who share similar interests than to go to a meetup with people who are all there for the same reason? Like local entrepreneur meetups? I don't know. I'm a very introverted person, so I'm probably the worst person to suggest these kinds of ideas, haha.

As far as online, you're already ahead of most people your age -- you're on the FastLane forum. Support and accountability doesn't always have to come from someone within arm's reach. This forum is probably the best place to be.

Keep in mind that you're probably going through a lot of psychological things right now with the divorce and all. Your brain is going to instantly want some form of comfort. When I got divorced I wiped the slate clean and dumped a lot of friends, too, and it freaked me the F out. But, once again, one of the best decisions I've made. I find MJ's "cat and tuna theory" on value works well in most situations, not just business. Focus on you and demonstrate your value, those worth your time will recognize it and be drawn to you.
 

TheDillon__

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I'm surprised this thread hasn't been raided by the ""OMG A REAL GRIL!!1!" crowd.

I would say, your best bet for finding your ideal man, is by participating more in your own life.

Are you a fan of personal fitness? Get involved! Go regularly attend rock climbing or yoga sessions.

Interested in entrepreneurship? Attend some sector-specific networking meetings! (I.e. Attend "SEM Networking" or "Chicago Medical Meetup" or something specific. I tend to stay away from general "Startup Networking" and "Business Networking" groups.

I'd definitely look into the Meetups app and find some things going on in your city. (It's a little dry for Dallas, but I'll bet good money you can find some fun things going on in Chitown.)

Take a look into any book by Mark Manson - you'll always find some good, clear, wholesome advice there.

Adure et bonam fortunam!
 

Waspy

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Everywhere.

I'll approach an attractive woman no matter the setting really, if we bounce off each other, great, if not, so be it.

I'm not looking for anything serious in a bar or club, but other than that, it's fair game.

I hate online dating. It's a great way to remove the humanity from an incredibly human interaction.
 

Get Right

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Get on Linkedin, find men with attributes you like. See where they work/volunteer/visit. Check those places out and see if other like-minded single dudes are there. No stalking though :)

Oh, and Topgolf.
 

ApparentHorizon

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Well isn't that the point, maybe? Find someone who you can get there with? Speaking from my position I still find that site attracting. Even if the person isn't there yet at least I know it's on his thoughts. Maybe I can motivate him and he can also be my motivation voice. Although I'm not ready to make a profile anywhere...I'd rather keep that as a plan B lol

Was posted 2 times already, but TOASTMASTERS. I met my GF through this tight-knit community and been together 3 years now.

I'm constantly meeting great men & women in organizations and classes, where people are actively working on their life. It really shows you the side you never see online. The vulnerable part of a person, how they react to criticism, how they grow and develop.

The facebook effect as I call it, is stupid easy to pull off on any online profile. Upper camera angles, like a few pages with a good cause, show that 1 adventure you went on...once, bunch of people you never talk to...etc.

As entrepreneurs we say, it's the journey, the process. What if you applied the same requirements to your dating life?

P.S. Also introvert, she does all the talking and it's fantastic :D
 
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Techylove

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As a girl, some of the places I have met guys I actually want to meet was at tech meetup's, Coworking spaces, and networking events. I live in a huge tech city so going to tech events and being an actual girl (you know the kind that wears dresses) can be kind of daunting sometimes because being genuinely nice often gets mistaken for flirting but unfortunately, I'm in FastLane mode so dating is taking a back burner but it kind of depends on what you like! If you're like me and tech is your thing then all the things I mentioned above are amazing ways to meet guys. If you're looking for a "FastLane" type guy, who gets it. Good luck they're the ones who are hiding in darkest corners of co-working spaces and coffee shops not paying attention to anyone or anything.

But in all seriousness, as people have said find your hobbies and go to events and just chill, it's obvious when someone is "looking" so don't look like you're looking just have fun and relax :)
 

oldirty

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Why so much hate for bars and nightclubs?

I'm in my mid-twenties and couldn't think of a better place to meet people. They are the fast lane of the dating world. People are literally there to meet mates (either for hookups, or possibly long term relationships) You just have to take what you see and experience at face value, don't have more than two drinks, and be home before midnight.

Most bars and night clubs are literally just a mating pool. Single people go there usually to meet other single people. Girls and guys get dressed up in the hopes of finding a mate. Plus you get to immidiately determine if you want to proceed with the people you meet with minimal time lost. You meet a guy and five minutes of talking later you realize he's dick, you move on to the next one. The same situation on online dating and you just wasted a whole night.

Yes, you can volunteer at a charity or join a club in hopes of finding a like minded prince charming. But what are those people there to do? They're not there to meet potential mates, they're there to do whatever it is that brought them there. What if these clubs or events don't have any interesting mates or maybe the person you like is already spoken for, then you just wasted your time. Plus, nobody likes the person who does something just to "meet chicks" ( or guys).

So i would say go to the nightclubs or bars, that's where I'll be. Just practice self control and limit yourself on alchohol, and don't stay out late because that's when poor decisions are made. Good luck.
 

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I spend most of my day in my room working - and I would be quite surprised to see a random girl in my room!

But at some point I will have to leave my room. And if I want to find a girl, I will look in places where my interests align with some sort of growth or development:

Toastmasters
Martial Arts
Gym
Parkour Training
Libraries & Bookstores
Meetups (about topics that make people life a more concious life - health, business, sport etc)

If you search for it there was a thread by @AndrewNC about the comparison of dating and marketing - and one post was about how to find the right platform/channel (aka place) to find your target customer (aka potential date).


To turn the stick around, and to help the countless men on this forum, where do women with these qualities hang out?

I hope you will find someone!
 
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AndrewNC

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Kinda piggy backing on this thread but I didn't wanna hijack it. I'm getting divorced. After 7 years and 4 years of marriage *sigh*. Most of my twenties, pretty much. Long story short, abusive relationship. I'm out, moving on. I'm currently healing, focusing on myself, finishing my last two classes, projects, etc. Still pretty fresh so I'm not rushing into anything. I got some good stuff going on for myself that I can (and should) focus on.

Since I do tend to think way ahead of time, however (master overthinker lvl 9000+), this question is knawing at my brain: Where do you guys tend to hang out, socialize, approach girls, etc? For research purposes, lol. I can't help thinking about stuff that's yet to happen.

I'd like to make it clear that I'm not asking where "accomplished fastlaners" go, but more like guys who have a healthy mentality of smart, honest work, mindfulness, ambition...guys who acknowledge they have things they can work on and improve on instead of mocking self-improvement. Good manage of their finances, however small they might be. A mentality of teamwork and helping each other achieve each other's goals, whether it's the fastlane or something else. You get where I'm going? Does that sound unrealistic? I'd just like to pick a person whose goal is also to help each other grow this time, not hurt.

I mean, I'm pretty sure you guys go hang out at bars and watch games too and I know you go to the gym and what not. I'm also aware that it could be the person next to me on the train. But throw a sister a bone here....pun not intended. Help me calm the anxiety a bit.

I'm 28 btw and don't send me to nightclubs if possible, thanks. :p
Do you want to attract the right person?

What's attraction at its core? It's not something you go chasing after. It's who you are. Think of yourself as a magnet. When you are your natural self, you attract what is naturally meant for you.

They say there is nothing more attractive than a man or woman on his or her purpose.

I'm not quite sure who "they" are, but it has a nice catchy ring to it; so let's assume it's true :)

Who are you at the core as your most authentic version of yourself? What places, channels, or outlets can you express yourself out into the world?

I can't speak for romantic relationships, but if I could parallel the process for that, I'll show you how I "attracted" the co author of the next book im writing.

Last November while I was on a train ride through Europe, I wrote a guest blog post for a major media outlet on a topic that interested me at the the time (law of attraction for entrepreneurs).

6 months later an email hit my inbox. She google searched the topic, decided to email me after reading my article, and we began exchanging emails back and forth, friended eachother on Facebook, and started talking on the phone a few times.

She's super-passionate about LoA, has her own business. And we are definitely a perfect fit for writing this book together and having everything flow so perfectly in our conversations.

Exactly what I was looking for in a co-author for this book.

I wrote from the heart, ranked #1 in Google for the search term I'm truly passionate about, and opened up the door for people to find me.

Let your true self out into the world, and from there, open doors to allow people to walk through and...he will find you.

Or the secret for you might be to guest blog on a major media outlet with a lot of SEO juice lol.
 

Denim Chicken

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I'm trying to find the article I read 2-3 years ago but it was fairly scientific and had data about dating and long term relationships.

The conclusion was.. most people in successful long term relationships found their partner thru a mutual friend or a friend of a friend and in their social circle.

In order to meet more men/women, you should meet more people in general.
It said to increase your social circle, and in turn, you increase your chances of meeting someone who
a) has social proof
b) has some form of similarity in age, education, interests, etc. versus completely random people on dating apps
c) you can meet thru organic opportunities.
 
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ErictheRed

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Kinda piggy backing on this thread but I didn't wanna hijack it. I'm getting divorced. After 7 years and 4 years of marriage *sigh*. Most of my twenties, pretty much. Long story short, abusive relationship. I'm out, moving on. I'm currently healing, focusing on myself, finishing my last two classes, projects, etc. Still pretty fresh so I'm not rushing into anything. I got some good stuff going on for myself that I can (and should) focus on.

Since I do tend to think way ahead of time, however (master overthinker lvl 9000+), this question is knawing at my brain: Where do you guys tend to hang out, socialize, approach girls, etc? For research purposes, lol. I can't help thinking about stuff that's yet to happen.

I'd like to make it clear that I'm not asking where "accomplished fastlaners" go, but more like guys who have a healthy mentality of smart, honest work, mindfulness, ambition...guys who acknowledge they have things they can work on and improve on instead of mocking self-improvement. Good manage of their finances, however small they might be. A mentality of teamwork and helping each other achieve each other's goals, whether it's the fastlane or something else. You get where I'm going? Does that sound unrealistic? I'd just like to pick a person whose goal is also to help each other grow this time, not hurt.

I mean, I'm pretty sure you guys go hang out at bars and watch games too and I know you go to the gym and what not. I'm also aware that it could be the person next to me on the train. But throw a sister a bone here....pun not intended. Help me calm the anxiety a bit.

I'm 28 btw and don't send me to nightclubs if possible, thanks. :p

Gym. If you're into health and fitness, that is. I met my significant other of two years there.

What are your interests? Where do you spend free time? Go from there.
 

Raaa

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Hello,

Sorry about your divorce.

I'd take the advice of the above members on places where you could meet men.

In social situations, it is important that you are being social. Men don't approach as many women as people believe.

Here are some steps you could take...
1. Make eye contact and smile with as many men as possible
2. Try to say hello and see where the conversation leads to. Remember, its just a hello.
3. Get them to ask you out.
Then filter them out, slowly...

It works because men are thirsty! (;

I'd avoid Tinder for various reasons.
 
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garyjsmith

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I'd never advise clubs to find a mate!
gyms
amateur sports teams
business/investing meetups
church
volunteer places

Wow, that makes so much sense. Simplifying it to places that draw people who are working on themselves and/or desirable traits eliminates the confusion of "where do i find the person for me." What a time saver!
 

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