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F Tinder tell me where you men hang out at.

Discussion in 'People & Relationships' started by BellaPippin, Jul 26, 2017.

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  1. BellaPippin
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    BellaPippin Enough snacking on mediocrity. Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Kinda piggy backing on this thread but I didn't wanna hijack it. I'm getting divorced. After 7 years and 4 years of marriage *sigh*. Most of my twenties, pretty much. Long story short, abusive relationship. I'm out, moving on. I'm currently healing, focusing on myself, finishing my last two classes, projects, etc. Still pretty fresh so I'm not rushing into anything. I got some good stuff going on for myself that I can (and should) focus on.

    Since I do tend to think way ahead of time, however (master overthinker lvl 9000+), this question is knawing at my brain: Where do you guys tend to hang out, socialize, approach girls, etc? For research purposes, lol. I can't help thinking about stuff that's yet to happen.

    I'd like to make it clear that I'm not asking where "accomplished fastlaners" go, but more like guys who have a healthy mentality of smart, honest work, mindfulness, ambition...guys who acknowledge they have things they can work on and improve on instead of mocking self-improvement. Good manage of their finances, however small they might be. A mentality of teamwork and helping each other achieve each other's goals, whether it's the fastlane or something else. You get where I'm going? Does that sound unrealistic? I'd just like to pick a person whose goal is also to help each other grow this time, not hurt.

    I mean, I'm pretty sure you guys go hang out at bars and watch games too and I know you go to the gym and what not. I'm also aware that it could be the person next to me on the train. But throw a sister a bone here....pun not intended. Help me calm the anxiety a bit.

    I'm 28 btw and don't send me to nightclubs if possible, thanks. :p
     
  2. jon.a
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    jon.a Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    I'd never advise clubs to find a mate!
    gyms
    amateur sports teams
    business/investing meetups
    church
    volunteer places

    I'm not current.
     
  3. mws87
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    mws87 talk less, listen more. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Sorry to hear about the divorce. That shit can be tough. I got divorced years ago, and it was one of the best things to happen in my life.

    As far as a "dating scene" goes, I couldn't tell ya. When I dabbled with online dating I realized it was a big time-suck, mostly because the folks on the websites I was using seemed stuck in a sidewalk mentality; not interested in meeting people who use more emojis than actual words in a conversation, heh.

    Anyway, as far as generally meeting folks with a like-minded mentality in the "real" world: it can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. Hell, out of all the people I've been friends with and known offline, there are maybe 2-3 that have an Unscripted™ mindset, which are the ones I'm closest to now. I've met really good people at book stores, coffee shops in certain parts of town.

    What about meetups? What better way to find friends who share similar interests than to go to a meetup with people who are all there for the same reason? Like local entrepreneur meetups? I don't know. I'm a very introverted person, so I'm probably the worst person to suggest these kinds of ideas, haha.

    As far as online, you're already ahead of most people your age -- you're on the FastLane forum. Support and accountability doesn't always have to come from someone within arm's reach. This forum is probably the best place to be.

    Keep in mind that you're probably going through a lot of psychological things right now with the divorce and all. Your brain is going to instantly want some form of comfort. When I got divorced I wiped the slate clean and dumped a lot of friends, too, and it freaked me the F out. But, once again, one of the best decisions I've made. I find MJ's "cat and tuna theory" on value works well in most situations, not just business. Focus on you and demonstrate your value, those worth your time will recognize it and be drawn to you.
     
  4. Duane
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    Duane Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I enjoy rock climbing, I meet a lot of people there. Dated one girl that had a lot of similar interests as me from there. I don't look for relationships, I just do activities that I enjoy and meet awesome people along the way, and if one person really stands out I'll ask them out.

    Some other activities I do: Martial arts, yoga, gymnastics, meditation classes, getting work done at a coffee shop and talking to people that are also regulars there.

    The list goes on, but I think the biggest takeaway is that if someone is looking for someone to date. They shouldn't go out of their way to meet them, if they meet someone doing something they don't normally do or at a venue they normally don't go to, they're going to struggle to find people that they have commonalities with.

    Instead, they should pick up hobbies that they enjoy and just be social and talk to people while they're doing that activity. Especially being a girl, they will get offers for dates no matter where they go if they're open and friendly.

    There are shitty people and awesome people everywhere you go, so it's up to us to be able to filter out the shitty people and form stronger relationships with the awesome people we meet.
     
  5. GuestUser450
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    Proximity is more powerful that compatibility and it works both to the positive and negative. Where you spend time qualifies the people you'll meet.

    So don't go anywhere to "meet guys" - As cliche as it sounds, live your life and work to be who you want to be. Opportunities arise and with them, like-minded people. Like business, there are lots of "shortcuts" but they all come with risk.

    If you love tennis, join a league. If you love business, there's local meetups, incubators, coworking spaces, etc. with people who feel the same. Just being you out in the world is enough.

    When we're alone, it's all we think about. We get frustrated with who's around us and look to scale our relationships. That's why apps like Tinder exist, because there's a market for the idea of casual relationships, but in truth it's filled with the loneliest people in the world.

    There's no easy answer and I wouldn't think you'd want one either. Deep down we all know that anything worthwhile takes time and effort, especially high quality relationships.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2017
  6. MJ DeMarco
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    MJ DeMarco Raving Lunatic Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    If you believe in a God, I'd say church.

    From a pure probability standpoint, you would probably find better odds there when seeking all of the above criteria. (And when I say "church" I mean a non-denominational church as they tend to be less dogmatic.)

    +1.

    Some type of shared activity club -- like Toastmasters or Tennis.

    Just focus on becoming a great YOU. You will eventually come in contact with someone interesting.

    Sorry to hear about your divorce.
     
  7. IceCreamKid
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    IceCreamKid With Great Power Comes Great Electricity Bill Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I don’t care what people say, breaking up is never easy.

    My advice:
    Just do you and build up your awesome self. Other people will notice and be like, “Wow her world rocks. My world rocks. I wonder if we could rock out together?”

    Places I’ve been to in the past few days:
    -Starbucks

    -real estate meetup

    -joined local mastermind of entrepreneurs. There was a $10k fee to join and they verify your background to make sure you’re not just trying to get in to sell crap to other members. I’ve been spending a lot of my time searching for biz groups with a high barrier to entry.

    -Silicon Valley Capital Club

    -Church

    -Target

    -Golf. If you’re not into golf, try out the driving range.

    -Starbucks

    -Starbucks

    -Starbucks. Did I mention Starbucks?

    I’ve honestly given up on trying to find ladybirds that have adopted the fastlane mindset. I’m sure they’re out there, but I have no clue where they are.
     
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  8. G-Man
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    G-Man Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Also recommended volunteer places like @jon.a You can't put up a screen for every undesirable trait without getting to know a person, but places that require people to give their time/money/effort to help others with no payback tends to screen out those that are total dbags. Plus, you usually have some sort of shared activity that makes initiating conversation and getting to know people easier without the forced awkwardness of dating.
     
  9. Under-Dog
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    Under-Dog Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    I believe you tend to find people at the places you spend the most time at. The last 3 of my girlfriends I've found at work or school. I know it's not ideal and you probably shouldn't sh*t where you eat in case things go sour but eh..... I used to visit a starbucks almost every other day and ended up building a very good friendship with the barista ( I chose for it to only be a friendship)

    EDIT: I've never personally used Tinder however, from what I've been told it sounds like people are only there looking to hookup
     
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  10. Vigilante
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    Vigilante Legendary Contributor Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    My hope for you is that you find a guy that is honest, intelligent, monogamous, hard working, real, and stable.

    Almost all of the friends that I have that meet that profile are found at the church we attend.

    (edited : and kind)
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2017
  11. Longinus
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    Longinus Platinum Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Business idea: dating app/site/whatever that targets on people who are into self-development and cuts off ordinary peace-sign-making, duckfacing, YOLO-crowd.
     
  12. Joe Cassandra
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    Joe Cassandra Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I've bumped into old and new friends, and I hear more and more...everyone I talk to says 'we met online.'

    [NOTE: It's never through Tinder.]

    This isn't an obvious answer or tongue-in-cheek.

    It's seriously been the trend for what I hear now in the past 3-5 years. Guess the online dating stuff works. Much better than dating a coworker or meeting someone at a bar.

    With more and more people doing that, it might be worth taking an hour each day looking through profiles for signs of a fastlaner/entrepreneur.

    Good luck, sorry about the divorce especially at a young age. Glad to hear you got out of that.
     
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  13. MidwestLandlord
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    MidwestLandlord Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Did you get blasted with 10,000 "Hey there ;)" PM's because of this thread yet? haha

    In all seriousness, sorry to hear about your divorce. Tough stuff.

    I've known tons of guys that fit your description (as far as I know they do anyway, not like I was dating them lol)

    Try volunteer work. Great place to meet people in general, which of course would include dudes. (pick "high class" volunteer work, not soup kitchens and homeless shelters. While the homeless of course need the help, and it's honorable work to volunteer there, a lot of the guys volunteering at places like that are forced to volunteer for court ordered restitution)

    Churches, hospitals, hospices, mental health facilities, humane society, old folks homes, etc...

    My sister met her LTR at the humane society, and he's an OK dude.

    Hope that helps.
     
  14. TheDillon__
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    TheDillon__ Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    I'm surprised this thread hasn't been raided by the ""OMG A REAL GRIL!!1!" crowd.

    I would say, your best bet for finding your ideal man, is by participating more in your own life.

    Are you a fan of personal fitness? Get involved! Go regularly attend rock climbing or yoga sessions.

    Interested in entrepreneurship? Attend some sector-specific networking meetings! (I.e. Attend "SEM Networking" or "Chicago Medical Meetup" or something specific. I tend to stay away from general "Startup Networking" and "Business Networking" groups.

    I'd definitely look into the Meetups app and find some things going on in your city. (It's a little dry for Dallas, but I'll bet good money you can find some fun things going on in Chitown.)

    Take a look into any book by Mark Manson - you'll always find some good, clear, wholesome advice there.

    Adure et bonam fortunam!
     
  15. Almantas
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    Almantas Nothing to Lose Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    At this stage don't concentrate on men, concentrate on yourself. Best of luck.
     
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  16. Ika
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    Ika Busy Idiot Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    I spend most of my day in my room working - and I would be quite surprised to see a random girl in my room!

    But at some point I will have to leave my room. And if I want to find a girl, I will look in places where my interests align with some sort of growth or development:

    Toastmasters
    Martial Arts
    Gym
    Parkour Training
    Libraries & Bookstores
    Meetups (about topics that make people life a more concious life - health, business, sport etc)

    If you search for it there was a thread by @AndrewNC about the comparison of dating and marketing - and one post was about how to find the right platform/channel (aka place) to find your target customer (aka potential date).


    To turn the stick around, and to help the countless men on this forum, where do women with these qualities hang out?

    I hope you will find someone!
     
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  17. becks22
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    becks22 90% coffee, 10% everything else Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. It must be tough. I'm completely useless at dating as well. Wish I could help. Dating isn't really on my horizon right now. My goals right now are Business > Dog > Dating, in that order. It's nice hearing mens prospectives though. I think quality people tend to hang out at the same spots no matter the gender. Juice Bars, Coffee Shops, Book stores, etc. I think clubs are a no-go no matter the gender once you hit past the age of 22
     
  18. Waspy
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    Waspy Float like a butterfly Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Everywhere.

    I'll approach an attractive woman no matter the setting really, if we bounce off each other, great, if not, so be it.

    I'm not looking for anything serious in a bar or club, but other than that, it's fair game.

    I hate online dating. It's a great way to remove the humanity from an incredibly human interaction.
     
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  19. Maxboost
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    Maxboost Silver Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    The best way to meet girls is through your social circle. Most girls you meet randomly, unless they are totally into you, will flake on you. A phone number means absolutely nothing from my experience because they still don't know you yet. That's why I laugh at all of these PUA videos on youtube (PS-they are all fake). I would get a few numbers on a good night out but they would usually lead to nowhere, especially if she is really attractive.

    If she is really attractive, Chad Thundercock is definitely talking to her too. If you don't leave a lasting impression, you've already lost. The more attractive she is, the more options she has so you better be better than the "average".

    If you don't have a social circle, like a business, you have to BUILD ONE.
     
  20. BellaPippin
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    BellaPippin Enough snacking on mediocrity. Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    I know what you mean. I'm towards the introverted side too, but I'm not shy (difference). I go for sprints of social commitments because of all I do but at the end of the day I like/need to recharge by staying at home some hanging out with myself. :D

    (...)

    Yes I know. I'm taking my time to heal with the help of my uberly supportive awesome and empowering friends, plus some counselling.

    I'm agnostic. :D That said, becoming a GREAT me is on top of my list.

    LOL no! But I did say that it's horrible timing anyway, it's just that my brain is usually months, sometimes years ahead of me, I struggle to be in the present :p
    Yeah I actually volunteer for the UN Association in the city. I've met a great deal of intelligent people so far thanks to that, it's rewarding but also very engaging intellectually speaking. I guess when the time comes I just need to pull a "let's get coffee and discuss that some more!" haha

    Hey thanks, but I don't think I'm looking for girl on girl action yet lmao


    Too @jon.a @Duane @TeveTorbes @IceCreamKid @G-Man @Under-Dog @Vigilante @Longinus @Joe Cassandra @TheDillon__ @Almantas @Ika @becks22 @Waspy

    And everyone suggesting I focus on myself and all those activities... thanks, you just validated what my own gut was telling me about this new chapter.

    I take Krav Maga classes, played all summer in a volleyball league, I volunteer for the UN chapter in Chicago and will soon be part of the board, I attend many events related to things I find engaging. Besides well, my job and school, and of course, my fastlane in progress.

    I'll stick to that and I'm confident that I will attract the right people. :)


    Thanks y'all <3
     
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  21. Maxboost
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    Maxboost Silver Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    I thought a dude wrote this post sorry
     
  22. Almantas
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    Almantas Nothing to Lose Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    [​IMG]
     
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  23. thecza
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    thecza New Contributor

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    If you're looking for a hookup then any and mostly all of the places everyone else mentioned will do the trick.

    If you're looking for something more meaningful, look inside. When I say that, I don't mean some in terms of some self-psychological flowery insight. I mean look within yourself and work on YOU. Every part of you, from how you think about yourself, to how you dress yourself to how you eat to even what kinds of television you watch (if you watch television) because if you intend to attract the kind of mate that will actually be worth the commitment you need to bring more to the table. In becoming more metrics and growth based, you'll be able to actually measure your growth.

    Ultimately, that means that you'll be able to attract those that appreciate that in you because they have the same non-content sense of self-accomplishment that drives them and will have the understanding that the mate they choose will only help better this end goal. I say this as I am now going through the same thing after 3 years of marriage and this, more than anything else, is how I intend to do (and be) better next time around.

    To your success.
     
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  24. AndrewNC
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    AndrewNC Limitless Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Do you want to attract the right person?

    What's attraction at its core? It's not something you go chasing after. It's who you are. Think of yourself as a magnet. When you are your natural self, you attract what is naturally meant for you.

    They say there is nothing more attractive than a man or woman on his or her purpose.

    I'm not quite sure who "they" are, but it has a nice catchy ring to it; so let's assume it's true :)

    Who are you at the core as your most authentic version of yourself? What places, channels, or outlets can you express yourself out into the world?

    I can't speak for romantic relationships, but if I could parallel the process for that, I'll show you how I "attracted" the co author of the next book im writing.

    Last November while I was on a train ride through Europe, I wrote a guest blog post for a major media outlet on a topic that interested me at the the time (law of attraction for entrepreneurs).

    6 months later an email hit my inbox. She google searched the topic, decided to email me after reading my article, and we began exchanging emails back and forth, friended eachother on Facebook, and started talking on the phone a few times.

    She's super-passionate about LoA, has her own business. And we are definitely a perfect fit for writing this book together and having everything flow so perfectly in our conversations.

    Exactly what I was looking for in a co-author for this book.

    I wrote from the heart, ranked #1 in Google for the search term I'm truly passionate about, and opened up the door for people to find me.

    Let your true self out into the world, and from there, open doors to allow people to walk through and...he will find you.

    Or the secret for you might be to guest blog on a major media outlet with a lot of SEO juice lol.
     
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  25. AndrewNC
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    AndrewNC Limitless Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    IMG_7283.jpg

    Continuation from my last post....

    @MJ DeMarco - small world lol
     

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