You Are The Average Of The Five.... Everything You Do.

[AceVentures]

The saying: "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with" imo is a little misleading.

Someone might think about that idea, and consider gee I should upgrade my network. Or man, what's holding me back is my group of loser friends. This is certainly true, but it's only the tip of the iceberg.

You are, quite literally, the average of the things you do. Not the things you've done, as frames, or the accumulation of deeds, but the active procedural forms of your being TODAY. From how you sleep, to how you wake up, what you wear (or don't wear), the words you use, the way you engage with other people, how you spend your time, how you sit, how you walk, how you work, how you create things, how you help people, and yes ALSO who you surround yourself with.

The reason I decided to create this thread is to remind everyone that there is no escaping WHO you are if you do not change HOW you are. You quite literally cannot, and will not, be "healthy" if the average of how you are every day is the process of sitting down hunched over, doing busy work on Excel for a cause you don't care about. Because that's not the shape of a healthy human being. Your going "weightlifting" 3x/week does not change you, because it's a very small sum-part of your everyday being, consequently it does not significantly change the average of your shape.

Another example is that of an elusive concept we call "success". Even with a boat load of money accumulated, if the average of the process of your being throughout today and onwards is that of sitting around moping, endlessly consuming, not being engaged with a community of other people, then what you are cannot be anything else.

The words you use are a direct reflection of who you are. How you use words, is a reflection of who you are. This might seem obvious, but it escapes many of us.

Here's an example of how this idea escapes us with respect to how we understand our peers: put a dude in a suit, a degree from law school, and all of a sudden we treat this person differently from what he is in actuality. This person might spend his living life in a binge of drugs and alcohol, sex and prostitution, be fat and eat garbage, and then show up for a couple hours a day to an office, and we collectively treat this person by WHAT they present themselves as, rather than to consider HOW they exist habitually as a reflection of them.

Here's an example of how this idea escapes us with respect to ourselves: some of us believe we are what we wish for. Or perhaps we are a future version of ourselves. We might take a few minutes a day to dream about that future shape, or the ideal self. This is good practice, but the illusion takes place when we go back into auto-pilot and behave neurotically and at the slightest awareness of our inadequacy, we draw from these momentary daydreams of ourselves as a measure of our being. "I'm on the journey". "I'm working on myself". That's a load of bullshit my friend.

You are HOW you are. Change can take place immediately, by immediately changing the shape of your being. Change the things you do within your 24 hours a day, and you will become something else, because the average shapes of you are different. Any other form of "self-development" that doesn't result in a change of how you procedurally exist every day is horseshit, and you should become aware of it so you can stop kidding yourself.

 

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[Israel2007]

Nice post.

 

[Patryk.]

Your statement reminds me of what I understood after watching the movie called "Annihilation" (bad movie overall - not recommending - but the idea was interesting to think about). In short, everything what is close to you has influence on your future (in the movie your body exchange yours DNA really fast with every other species you walk close by). In the real world it can be your car, bed, desk, tree or even the dumb PlayStation you have in the corner. Pick up your environment wisely because the environment determine almost everything. The problem with it is you won't be able to always control environment. You can be recruited to army and your branch will have some idiots in it. Keep in mind they can shape your future for better or for the bad. Make then a conscious like MJ said "choice".

 

[AceVentures]

Your statement reminds me of what I understood after watching the movie called "Annihilation" (bad movie overall - not recommending - but the idea was interesting to think about). In short, everything what is close to you has influence on your future (in the movie your body exchange yours DNA really fast with every other species you walk close by).

What a great visual representation! I had forgotten all about this movie but it's a practical example to illustrate the concept.

 

[JustMorpheus]

The saying: "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with" imo is a little misleading.

Someone might think about that idea, and consider gee I should upgrade my network. Or man, what's holding me back is my group of loser friends. This is certainly true, but it's only the tip of the iceberg.

You are, quite literally, the average of the things you do. Not the things you've done, as frames, or the accumulation of deeds, but the active procedural forms of your being TODAY. From how you sleep, to how you wake up, what you wear (or don't wear), the words you use, the way you engage with other people, how you spend your time, how you sit, how you walk, how you work, how you create things, how you help people, and yes ALSO who you surround yourself with.

The reason I decided to create this thread is to remind everyone that there is no escaping WHO you are if you do not change HOW you are. You quite literally cannot, and will not, be "healthy" if the average of how you are every day is the process of sitting down hunched over, doing busy work on Excel for a cause you don't care about. Because that's not the shape of a healthy human being. Your going "weightlifting" 3x/week does not change you, because it's a very small sum-part of your everyday being, consequently it does not significantly change the average of your shape.

Another example is that of an elusive concept we call "success". Even with a boat load of money accumulated, if the average of the process of your being throughout today and onwards is that of sitting around moping, endlessly consuming, not being engaged with a community of other people, then what you are cannot be anything else.

The words you use are a direct reflection of who you are. How you use words, is a reflection of who you are. This might seem obvious, but it escapes many of us.

Here's an example of how this idea escapes us with respect to how we understand our peers: put a dude in a suit, a degree from law school, and all of a sudden we treat this person differently from what he is in actuality. This person might spend his living life in a binge of drugs and alcohol, sex and prostitution, be fat and eat garbage, and then show up for a couple hours a day to an office, and we collectively treat this person by WHAT they present themselves as, rather than to consider HOW they exist habitually as a reflection of them.

Here's an example of how this idea escapes us with respect to ourselves: some of us believe we are what we wish for. Or perhaps we are a future version of ourselves. We might take a few minutes a day to dream about that future shape, or the ideal self. This is good practice, but the illusion takes place when we go back into auto-pilot and behave neurotically and at the slightest awareness of our inadequacy, we draw from these momentary daydreams of ourselves as a measure of our being. "I'm on the journey". "I'm working on myself". That's a load of bullshit my friend.

You are HOW you are. Change can take place immediately, by immediately changing the shape of your being. Change the things you do within your 24 hours a day, and you will become something else, because the average shapes of you are different. Any other form of "self-development" that doesn't result in a change of how you procedurally exist every day is horseshit, and you should become aware of it so you can stop kidding yourself.

Hmm. It seems like your saying that we are the sum total of everything we do, AND everything in our environment. And that we aren't who we say we are, we are what we actually do. Just look at Comcast, they could scream that they care about their customers, but their actions reveal the truth. So if we want to change ourselves, we should start by changing what we do, and do it NOW. Right on man!

 

[Angler]

MJ saying of “how you do little things is how you do big things” is ringing in my ears as I read this.

Awesome post!

 

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[Parks]

Fastlane mantra forsure. Good thread man.

 

[agility]

Interesting post.

I've been conscientious about how I spend my waking hours each day, ensuring that I increase the probability of doing quality activities and thinking.

I would go overboard with perfectionism if I felt like I have to control every thought and action to ensure I am on the optimal path, and that overmonitoring would be exhausting. So, as an alternative, just raise your baseline quality of your activity than reach the maximum which would be too exhausting to maintain.

Also, while I do believe people do influence some parameters in your life, it is not subsitute for doing the real work and training. make sure the thing you're doing is the main thing. Your social sphere is just an amplifier of the things important to you.

 

[JimPeak]

Yes thanks for sharing.

I also recommend "Atomic Habits" by James Clear on this topic. You are the sum of your habits. A 1% improvement in a habit doesn't seem like much but 1% here and 1% there add up to total transformation. The book harmonizes with what you said perfectly.

 

[Fox]

Ya great thread.

It’s crazy how absorbent we are as humans. You have to be so careful what you tolerate to be around you.

 

[heavy_industry]

So much truth in this, thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

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[AceVentures]

I would go overboard with perfectionism if I felt like I have to control every thought and action to ensure I am on the optimal path, and that overmonitoring would be exhausting. So, as an alternative, just raise your baseline quality of your activity than reach the maximum which would be too exhausting to maintain.

What is perfectionism? What does "perfect" mean to you?

Radical change in life requires paradigm changes in thinking. Maybe this doesn't need to be exhausting. Maybe it's not about controlling yourself, but about becoming aware of how you are getting in your own way. Perhaps being mindful of how you are being is a process of relaxing the friction which holds you back, and this process is enlightening and freeing instead of being an exhaustive willpower battle against yourself.

Some things to think about!