The biggest lie that you believed for most of your life?

[SteveO]

I shouldn't want nice things.

Yes. They are a waste...

 

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[Brian Suh]

Weed is harmless
Girls want you to be nice to them and placate to them
The world is like Disneyland and how the movies portray it! Ahem bullshit!
Everything will be okay! Good things come to those who wait. (O god how wrong this is on every level)
Be nice. Don’t be controversial. Being selfish is bad! Be quiet and don’t speak your mind!
Sacrifice yourself for the greater good (I believe this is good but you NEED to be successful and happy with your situation first)

You won’t be anything special. Why try?

 

[RayAndré]

Yes. They are a waste...

Well, more like: I should be happy with what I have and not think about trying to get more for myself.

 

[Chris25]

As my friends start becoming parents and I see them around their kids, I realize how many lies we're told when we're young. Just to keep us out of trouble, or to keep us "safe". The only way to break free is to realize the world exits without rules, it is the glasses we put on that give us the ability to see things a certain way. Create your own rules!

 

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[SMH]

You need straight As in order to succeed in life, whereas success equals higher education and golden handcuffs. Oh, and that gorgeous SUV my dad is slaving his life away for!
Failure is unacceptable. If you fail you are an absolute piece of shit. You need to be strong, failing is not something a strong person does.
Consumption makes you happy.

I know it kinda misses the point, but I had believed this only for half a year. A very painful period in my life though, when because of these beliefs I struggled with severe anxiety and depression.
Despite being a star student, I used to think that skills are more important than a piece of paper, until being brainwashed by my ex-girlfriend. It wasn't her fault, she just had psycho parents. Especially when it comes to school grades; they made that poor girl believe that she was a worthless disgrace for the family, especially if she got a bad grade, usually painfully beat her too. Talk about a mindset. Thankfully they became somewhat normal later on.

I remember a conversation after reading MJ's books, when she was complaining about her dad working his a$$ off at his high position corporate job when the company got taken over by the other so he doesn't get fired. He also had a hour long drive to his office. I asked why wouldn't he quit when you claim your parents are "filthy rich" and he's got two businesses going. She responded with "He would if he didn't get paid so much", and after asking her how is he wealthy if he has to work, she got a bit upset and started talking about owning multiple cars and an apartment in Italy

I got a bit off topic, sorry for that. Anyways thank you MJ and forum contributors for saving my life from this living hell.

PS. I just recalled believing for the most of my life that rich people are either geniuses, or born rich(God knows where the latter riches come from?? Must be aristocratic families lol).

 

[GoGetter24]

Oh man, where do you even begin... I'd say most of what I'd been taught was outright false.

• Your parents are your closest allies and want what's best for you
• Your friends are your allies
• Good grades mean success
• STEM degree means a good life
• Intelligence equals success
• Working hard at your job leads to success
• Improving work processes leads to recognition and success
• You're lucky to have been born in the 1st world
• Guys who leave school early are going to be losers
• White collar jobs are always superior to blue collar jobs
• Physique doesn't matter
• You'll find and get a wife easily as a matter of course
• University improves your skills and helps you get a good job
• Drinking is cool
• You can be anything you want
• Professors, or teachers generally, are wise
• Parents know what they're talking about
• Hanging out with friends is cool

I could go on and on. Probably easier to identify what wasn't a lie.

• It's better to specialize than to be a generalist (missing advice: determining the specialty).
• Save your money, live below your means, credit card debt is contemptible.
• Computer games are the devil.

Those are all that come to mind

 

[ZF Lee]

"You're the best person in the room." -- This crippling lie had kept me from improving myself (learning new skills and taking difficult challenges to improve the ones that I already have) and instead shifted my attention on things that don't matter (appearing to be best, unmarred by mistakes or failures).

It's ok to be best in some areas, like speaking and idea generation.

But no way are you going to be super at everything.

I like having everyone with strengths and weaknesses in the convo, so that we all know that we need each other to help the gang.

STEM degree means a good life

At least its better than some of the gender studies degrees that my uni suddenly announced that they were having lol.

I appreciate the principles of the scientific method and testing (you see that a lot for product launches and copywriting) that STEM subjects bring about. I supposed this appreciation does give me a better view of how the world and the economy works, or a 'good life'm so to speak.

White collar jobs are always superior to blue collar jobs

I think they work hand-in-hand.

One cannot do well without the other, the same way a marketing guy goes blind without an engineer/product manager to support him with product to sell.

In either job route, you might have to know the other world as well. No one is in a vacuum.

 

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[GoGetter24]

At least its better than some of the gender studies degrees that my uni suddenly announced that they were having

"Gender studies" is the worst case of false advertising on the planet. Sounds like a dream degree! I'll spend all day "studying" women for 4 years!

Actuality: spend all day talking shit about men, or worst case: end up in a room of straight up lunatics talking about "aethergender" and "vaguefluid".

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I ran a number of marathons a few years ago. One race in particular required all runners to be shuttled to the start on busses. A few of the invited runners were driven up in a vans. The rest of us were crammed into busses. There were a few thousand participants.

I found myself looking around at the young, lean participants thinking how fast they might be. I was 48 and heavier than most runners. Not lean and mean for sure. But, worked hard at the training regiment.

Anyway. I finally snapped out of it and looked around again. The reality clicked in that it was unlikely that any of them would beat me. I was psyching myself out without the conscious thought of it.

Ha Ha, Steve you'll remember this!

Your story reminds me when our softball team is short a player and we find some stranger off the internet who claims to play and shows up wearing $2,000 in equipment: headbands, armbands, baseball bats, compression socks -- he's adorned with the whole ensemble of a HEAVY HITTER!

And then when he gets up to bat, he strikes out...

... at SLOW PITCH softball.

$2K of image, $0K of actual production.

 

[Andy Black]

Ha Ha, Steve you'll remember this!

Your story reminds me when our softball team is short a player and we find some stranger off the internet who claims to play and shows up wearing $2,000 in equipment: headbands, armbands, baseball bats, compression socks -- he's adorned with the whole ensemble of a HEAVY HITTER!

And then when he gets up to bat, he strikes out...

... at SLOW PITCH softball.

$2K of image, $0K of actual production.

When I started out riding motorbikes I went shopping for all the gear with a biker mate. He helped me find the best stuff my budget could buy - good quality, plain black gear, and no big brands.

We’d buzz around the Yorkshire countryside with him teaching me the stuff they didn’t teach you for your motorcycle license.

We’re in a cafe one day and he nudges me and nods at some skinny older dude getting off an old bike.

“Guys like him are the ones that put the sh*ts up me. Old Fireblade. Old and faded one-piece suit.”


Another time I bump into a regular in the gym as we’re unlocking our bikes in the basement car park. He has this big old Africa Twin. I had a similar style bike and said we should go for a spin through The Wicklow Gap sometime. He’s such a gentle and humble guy. A true gent.

I next meet him at an instructor led track day. There’s a full room of bikers listening to the instructors tell us about the course and what the day will involve. They then invite this quiet guy up front to say a few words and I find out he’s only the top race instructor at the track... having raced the Isle of Man!! No wonder he just smiled when I suggested we go for a spin.


As my athletics coach used to say:

“A fit athlete beats a pretty athlete”.

 

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[SteveO]

Ha Ha, Steve you'll remember this!

Your story reminds me when our softball team is short a player and we find some stranger off the internet who claims to play and shows up wearing $2,000 in equipment: headbands, armbands, baseball bats, compression socks -- he's adorned with the whole ensemble of a HEAVY HITTER!

And then when he gets up to bat, he strikes out...

... at SLOW PITCH softball.

$2K of image, $0K of actual production.

If I remember correctly, he struck out a few times. Painful to watch...

I also remember when we won our division and the ump tells us that we still need to play the winner of the league above us. We were down by one run with two out and runners on base in the last inning. You blasted it over the outfielder's head for a walk-off championship.

 

[theresgot2bemore]

I am a big believer in positive thinking.

The world that we live in has always been one of opinions, ideas, and challenges. We form our perception by what we live and experience. Our perception IS how we view the world.

People are not trying to tell us lies. So, they are not lies. They are someone else telling us about how they view the world.

If we try and tell the rest of the world about our perception, it is not accepted very well. It will be perceived as bullshit.

We are fortunate that we think differently about how the financial world works. But, we should not look down at others that give us advice that does not fit into our reality. Those people are not trying to mislead us. They are not dumb. They have a different perspective of the world is all.

You can be dirt poor and live a fulfilling and satisfying life. You can be filthy rich and live a horrible existence.

These are not lies. They are other people's truths.

Allegory of the cave. There are some folks who just don't get it and that's fine.

Positive thinking is definitely something I'm realizing that is a force multiplier. It definitely does not get the credit it deserves.

- -

Most of the major lies have been hit up on here. I have some that are variations from my background that have been translated from Spanish to English:

• Don't listen to other people on the street
• You have finite time for certain things and once you miss your window that's it its gone
• No one is going to help you out there in the real world
• Things are not easy/its not easy
• The rich don't live differently or separate from us

I'm grateful to have had an inkling of questioning what I was told when I was young. Only through time have I vetted it as the right thing to do. Most of the sayings I would say, in my opinion, are half lies that miss part of the puzzle and require a little thinking.

If I hadn't listened to other folks on the street, or internet, growing up I would have not found this forum or made friends with a buddy that changed my life for the better. I wouldn't have had a nice cozy transition to a better area for finding work through a long time friend. I also wouldn't have used my mind to vet what was bs and filter who was a Sidewalker, Slowlaner, or Fastlaner.

You do have a finite time to live but not for things like college if you choose to not attend. I dropped out of college after my first year and could go back if I wanted to now that I'm older. I would choose a better major as opposed to acting if I want to return in the future for fun. Its not like my old man said that once you don't go to college "thats it you're done". Not like that at all.

Sure there won't be help for you out in the real world but that is only if you don't know what you're doing. Not making the right connections, not getting yourself out there, and not using a bs detector to separate the good from the bad are ways that can cause you to make mistakes and fall into this mindset trap. There are good people out there and it requires starting the process of networking, for example, to find them.

Things will not be easy if you do not strive to become the best. Constantly saying "things are not/will not be easy" is a poisonous mindset & saying that creates a mental trap for yourself. I do believe what you say to yourself, out loud or internally, does affect you and can create a limiting belief or free you from your limiting beliefs. Gurus, in spite of the bs, weren't wrong about this one since if all you know is how to be a Sidewalker then you gotta start somewhere by changing your mind.

If you haven't had a personal reference point in your life then I do see how you would think the rich don't live differently and far away from the rest of us. I used to be such a reverse SJW about this and tell folks how things really are but realized, over time, smiling and nodding are much more effective. Telling people when I was young that the rich live on islands separated from everyone else, in South Florida anyways, and are awesome to be around was such a dumb thing to do. I laugh now that I think of it believing that would change some minds.

For a short time I believed some of these things but thankfully all that changed. The thing is... if you don't strive to break some of your social conditioning you may never find out the truth and that is hard for alot of folks so I understand.

 

[amp0193]

It is unlikely that the doubt would have changed the results. But, it could certainly affect decision making on a daily basis. Don't allow yourself to fall into that trap of thinking others are better than you.

Until this year, I had held a belief that I was a tall lanky dude and would always be a tall lanky dude. I never thought I would be someone who could build muscle. Someone who would be "strong".

Now, I'm making so much progress, I am daily having to remind myself in the mirror what I look like.

All that changed was belief. That belief affected the daily decisions that became habits. I deadlifted 250lbs for the first time today. I started at 150lbs two years ago. Now my eyes are on 300.

I'm very close to being able to do a set of 5 pull-ups. Never in my life did I think I'd be able to do a pull-up.

 

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[TheCj]

Biggest lie.. Don't talk too strangers...

Goes back as far as grade school getting into trouble for talking with peers during class etc... Went totally against my nature. Realized later in life why I had capped that behaviour and when it happened.

 

[amp0193]

Biggest lie.. Don't talk too strangers...

Goes back as far as grade school getting into trouble for talking with peers during class etc... Went totally against my nature. Realized later in life why I had capped that behaviour and when it happened.

Stranger Danger is a crock of shit, and it's done way more harm than good.

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children is now telling parents to stop using the phrase because of the damage it's doing.

Telling kids to fear all adults is toxic, and actually puts them in harm if they are ever in a situation when they are in need of help.

Stranger Danger, among many other things, has led to a culture of fear among parents so extreme that kids from 0-15 never leave the house. They never do anything unsupervised. Because "it's not safe in this day and age".

Bullshit. It is literally twice as safe now than it was a few decades ago. Crime rates have almost never been lower than they are today. So why the fear?

You don't let your kid go to the park by themselves because they might get kidnapped? Only 200 kids a year in the U.S. are kidnapped by a stranger. And almost all of them are 12 and older. There is literally a one in a million chance that your child will be taken when out of your sight. However, there is a very good chance that if you don't let them become independent that they will be living in your basement with a neckbeard at 30.

 

[TheCj]

Stranger Danger is a crock of sh*t, and it's done way more harm than good.

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children is now telling parents to stop using the phrase because of the damage it's doing.

Telling kids to fear all adults is toxic, and actually puts them in harm if they are ever in a situation when they are in need of help.

Stranger Danger, among many other things, has led to a culture of fear among parents so extreme that kids from 0-15 never leave the house. They never do anything unsupervised. Because "it's not safe in this day and age".

Bullshit. It is literally twice as safe now than it was a few decades ago. Crime rates have never been lower than they are today. So why the fear?

You don't let your kid go to the park by themselves because they might get kidnapped? Only 200 kids a year in the U.S. are kidnapped by a stranger. And almost all of them are 12 and older. There is literally a one in a million chance that your child will be taken when out of your sight. However, there is a very good chance that if you don't let them become independent that they will be living in your basement with a neckbeard at 30.

Good points, I should have added was referring personally as that "fear" or "habit" being ingrained at child hood and carrying over into adulthood. Which is basically anti-sales.

 

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[Timmy C]

that working hard will always pay off.

 

[amp0193]

Good points, I should have added was referring personally as that "fear" or "habit" being ingrained at child hood and carrying over into adulthood. Which is basically anti-sales.

Yeah, I know what you meant.

It just got me going on a rant on some other lies that I face every day.

 

[GoGetter24]

Goes back as far as grade school getting into trouble for talking with peers during class etc

This is something I've found fascinating: how many correct behaviors were punished at school (either me or others). I.e. the school suppressing development rather than augmenting it.

• Talking or playing games during class. Caused by the subject material being valueless.
• Students being punished for questioning the teacher. Importance of control over truth.
• A school policy that fighting back in self-defense would be punished by suspension/expulsion (teachers really are sick immoral c--ts).
• A student who was brought before the headmaster for quitting a subject because it was useless and explaining as such (and he was a straight A student). The importance of the teacher's ego over the student's progress.
• The story of Dominic McVey:

  The deputy head hated me. He would walk round the school saying: Boy! Why are you smiling? "Because I have just sold 10,000 scooters", I said. I also used to say: "School should be a happy environment", but he would say: "No, it's not, you're here to learn."

• Compulsory yet worthless classes which students couldn't get out of, and then only they were criticized when they got bad marks
• The school requirement that everyone left prom alone/individually (to make sure it didn't end in hanky panky for anyone).

The psychos who can't control themselves just punch and kick kids and go to jail. The psychos who can work at schools.

We're increasingly getting to the stage where the only people who are populating educational institutions are the absolute worst and most poisonous weak individuals in society. I only remember 2 teachers out of the entire lot who were mentally normal adults like I met thereafter in normal life. They rest were all riddled with personality defects. They were all human slurry dripping off the bottom of society.

School is increasingly an exercise in collective child abuse.

 

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[AFMKelvin]

The biggest lie I have believed for most of my life was thinking that adults were smart. Only recently have I learned how ignorant most adults are. The worst part is that they pass that ignorance on to their children.

 

[Brian Suh]

This is a great thread as it lets us get our thoughts out thus clarifying our lives
- It doesn't matter if you slip up once. (there is no "chill" when you are in your 20's and even 30's. It's grind time baby!)
- Everybody will be happy for you when you succeed
- Your parents want what's best for you (many parents will live vicariously through their children and if they gave up on their dreams, they will try to do the same with their children by manipulating them into doing what they want)
- Material objects will give you happiness (Happiness does not equal fun. I one day want to own a lamborghini or a bmw m4 but only because it is fun. If I stop working and growing and drive a lamborghini or bmw I KNOW it won't make me happy. Big difference)
- People who don't graduate from college are losers. Lol.
- Everyone's opinion should be regarded the same (I will listen seriously to those who have produced results in this life that I respect. I will only listen to losers or people who I don't respect so I know what mindset not to operate on)
- Everyone deserves a second chance. (some people never change. Judge people by there behavior not their words. Failure to do this can result in lost in self-respect, lost in trust in humanity, and overall life destruction).
- Don't workout too much (overtraining is a thing but your body was meant to be used hard! Be a beast in and out of the gym!)
- You HAVE to get married when you are above 26. If you don't, you aren't a man (says the person who is balding, fat, and joyless).
- You won't be anything special. (the biggest lie of all. Yes it's true, your not a special snowflake. What this means is that your problems are not unique and you can always change it, so so stop complaining. But what is true is that you can be somebody. Leonardo diCaprio, Brad Pitt, Elon Musk, Arnold Schwarzenegger, or any grand name in history or present were ALL in the same position as you. They were all born into this world helpless just like you. The only difference is that they chose to dream BIG and have the BALLS to take action on it ignoring everyone who opposed them. I can GUARANTEE ALL of them had people telling them they couldn't do it or that they wouldn't amount to anything. Guess what happened? Now it's time to tell your story of greatness and for others to look to you as an inspiration.)

 

[TreyAllDay]

That the crust is the healthiest part of the bread, only realized that's not true 2 years ago. Thanks MOM.

I would think the biggest belief is that your past determines your future - I had two very liberal sisters who always talked about how the "System" keeps people down so I assumed because of how I was raised I'd always be a certain way.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

You blasted it over the outfielder's head for a walk-off championship.

Ha Ha, how dare they play me shallow! I'll show those MOFOs! Good times indeed.

 

[Andreas Thiel]

Let's see ... there were times in my life when I believed each and every BS out there ...
but is there one I believed until recently?

1. I learned that conventional dating wisdom (that being nice should work well in the dating world) is BS, because I witnessed how well the Pickup theory describes the dating world and how well PU works (around 2000/2001 ... so not that)
2. I learned early that Leadership and Management is important in a company - that just hiring good people, because for them it has to be obvious how to approach things, does not work at all
3. I grew up close to immigrant families and learned early that the cultural differences can be a real issue ... but that there can also be awesome people in the very same families
4. I learned that Germany is pseudosocial at best. Quit your job and all hell breaks lose. The powers that be want a slave

I think what took longest to realize (and needed to be spelled out) is how big the impact of the Oligarchy is and that we live in a fake democracy.
Until recently I thought that global leadership and management is just not optimized for this century (where growth is not the most important factor any more) and some tweaks towards collaboration might create a better tomorrow, but actually the very rich have plans as well as the power to keep things from getting better for the little guy.
The plan has to be joining them, I suppose.

 

[Intax]

"getting rich is for other people" - my family

"risking something is dangerous" - my parents

"to get rich you have to have the right idea" - a lot of my friends

And the most destructive one:

"To reach success you have to set goals and orientate yourself on them" -

total event idealism, which was very destructive for me for a long time. I'm glad I got in touch with the process principle in Unscripted ! This helps me to work over a long period of time on my future.

In the past I always compared myself to the end goal and got frustrated after some time because I didn't reach it.

 

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[The Abundant Man]

That death is certain.

Scientists Restore Some Function In The Brains Of Dead Pigs

Scientists partially revived a pig's brain after the animal died

Some brain functions may be restored after death, pig study suggests

Hours After Pigs' Death, Scientists Restore Brain Cell Activity

 

[The Abundant Man]

That going straight to college from high school is the best way to do it. I'm convinced now that an 18 year old needs to learn how to be independent before he even thinks about putting 4 years of his life into something like that.

In a similar vein, that you need college to be successful. Bull-F*ckin-shit.

That you shouldn't get a job before college. Getting a job is one of the best things a kid can do for himself. Why? Cuz it teaches you how much it sucks to rely on trading time for money.

That you should 'pay your dues' before starting a business. In this case, 'pay your dues' wasn't meant as 'find a mentor, eat shit for a year and have him give you some golden nuggets', but instead meant as 'work in a job for 10 years then start a business'. Most jobs won't adequately give you business perspective.

My parents said all these things to me. Smh

When I went to college, all the students were "Wooo! Freedom from parents. Let's party! We're young! This is the best time of our lives. We can be responsible later."

 

[The Abundant Man]

2045 Initiative

I don't consider that living forever, but... a lot of theorists are predicting we will have cellular replication and telomere length problems sorted out within the next hundred years, allowing us to at least live 1000 years. There's a good chance that all of us in our 20's may live to be 1000.

Imagine being married to a person for 1000 years

 

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[Tubs]

If you don't go to college you're a loser.

Seriously I ended up going cause I was constantly told it was that thing to do by other people. I tried it out to learn Electrical Engineering(A high paying skill) But I ended up dropping out because I'd have to take a loan to continue on with my education and I really didn't want to get into massive debt before I even had a job to pay it off with.

 

[Lee H]

That money is a finite resource and hard to come by. At 47 this dogma is still haunting my life.

The truth is that time is a finite resource, but money is simply the result of providing value to others.