I'm full of shit

[RocketG]

You're not lazy, you're just stuck between two equally powerful forces: comfort (which keeps you unmotivated), and fear (which prevents you from moving).

Wow, I couldn't have put it in better words. Living with my parents has given me unlimited comfort, and it's become such a force in preventing me from moving out of my comfort zone. But, that's absolutely no fault of their own. It's my fault in taking advantage of their good will. And I need to acknowledge this. I'm beginning to recognize that I only see myself living with my parents as a crutch because that's how I CHOSE to live. I choose to see them as giving me unlimited time to readjust and that's just plain wrong on my part.

If moving out is a "test of independence and the will to weather the storms of life", I simply need to break out of this comfort. Although moving out is the easiest way to do this, I don't necessarily HAVE to move out to prove this (eventually, of course, yes, because I really want to). I simply need to take action in breaking through my comfort levels, by going out and establishing my entrepreneurial goal, which in this case would be web design.

I've been thinking whether I should get a job as the first step to get things going, definitely not a bad idea whatsoever, as some have mentioned on this thread. But, I think it might just be action-faking at this point for me.

Roughly two years ago, when I was working on my portfolio for web-design, I saw @Fox's post about his web design coaching program and I thought long and hard about it. But I flaked out because I was scared, and lazy, and I didn't want to be accountable for things I started. When I was thinking about getting a job, this thought kept bugging me, and it dawned on me, that while working a job would be great for my personal development, it simply would not make sense when I could make use of my web-design skills to directly pursue a path toward the fast lane. So after my exams, I'm thinking of taking @Fox's program, if he'll take me of course.

Note: I realize this might come off like I'm selling his program, but I'd like to point out that I'm in no way affiliated with @Fox or his team. This is just the telling of my life. But if I'm breaking any rule, I'll gladly edit it out.

So what do you end up doing? You put in just enough effort to stay comfortable. And it's never enough. You end up not doing the difficult things, and when you do the difficult things you cut as many corners as possible in order to reduce the amount of effort you have to put in.

THIS IS GOLD. You hit the bullseye. I could not have figured this out myself. When I put in "effort" , I always came away with a feeling that my "best" was inadequate. Just like you mentioned, it's because my "best" is within my comfort. It's most likely because I've been comfortable for so long, that it's so extremely difficult to channel effort BEYOND the limit of my own comfort.

First, accept where you are now. Without doing this you will always be lost. You ARE here, now.

This is key. I've been floundering around, looking at society, others, wishing I was them, all on that FOMO. I need to be humble and accept where I am now.

First, understand that everything you do is a risk, even if you do nothing. There's no getting away from risk. It's impossible. Being afraid of risk is like being afraid of food. You have to eat to live, and you have to take risks to get anywhere in life. So you need to learn to (1) execute scared, and (2) do due diligence for any endeavor. Due diligence means understanding the risks you're taking and deciding what level of risk is acceptable. You will get better at due diligence the more you do it. For now, accept that you're not very good at it but that you're willing to do it. Luckily, this is an ongoing process and you'll be doing due diligence a LOT as an entrepreneur, so you will eventually get good at it if you continue on it.

If you're uncomfortable, there's no excuse for putting in too little effort. You have to take the risk that your time, money, effort will be wasted. You HAVE to accept this. There's no getting around it. But you need to be confident that your assessment of the risk (your due diligence) is correct, and that what you're doing is less risky than the return it promises.

How can you be so confident? You just need to have faith, and that's all it comes down to. Unsatisfactory answer? Too bad. The world is a highly uncertain place. You're always going to be working with incomplete data. You can either delude yourself into believing you're right all the time (which will cause its own problems), or you can accept that you might be wrong but you're doing it anyway, because you're confident that you're right.

This took me a long time to type out and I had to do it in sections. I hope it was coherent enough for you to understand.

tl;dr JUST DO IT

Emotionally, I'm overwhelmed. Thank you for dedicating your time to writing this. It's beautifully written, and easily understandable.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Runum]

Move out Get a job. Learn how to support yourself. Buy your own loaf of bread with your own money and eat it in your own kitchen. Refer to Maslow's. Get your basic needs met and then learn how to increase your capacity to do more.

Then volunteer at a charity when not working to get your focus off of you. You need to see other people's needs, then you will begin to see how to provide service to other people.

Quit validating everyone's advice and agreeing with everyone. That is a cheap headfake.

Go out and do something to make it on your own.

I wish you well.

 

[Simon Angel]

Wow, I couldn't have put it in better words. Living with my parents has given me unlimited comfort, and it's become such a force in preventing me from moving out of my comfort zone. But, that's absolutely no fault of their own. It's my fault in taking advantage of their good will. And I need to acknowledge this. I'm beginning to recognize that I only see myself living with my parents as a crutch because that's how I CHOSE to live. I choose to see them as giving me unlimited time to readjust and that's just plain wrong on my part.

If moving out is a "test of independence and the will to weather the storms of life", I simply need to break out of this comfort. Although moving out is the easiest way to do this, I don't necessarily HAVE to move out to prove this (eventually, of course, yes, because I really want to). I simply need to take action in breaking through my comfort levels, by going out and establishing my entrepreneurial goal, which in this case would be web design.

I've been thinking whether I should get a job as the first step to get things going, definitely not a bad idea whatsoever, as some have mentioned on this thread. But, I think it might just be action-faking at this point for me.

Roughly two years ago, when I was working on my portfolio for web-design, I saw @Fox's post about his web design coaching program and I thought long and hard about it. But I flaked out because I was scared, and lazy, and I didn't want to be accountable for things I started. When I was thinking about getting a job, this thought kept bugging me, and it dawned on me, that while working a job would be great for my personal development, it simply would not make sense when I could make use of my web-design skills to directly pursue a path toward the fast lane. So after my exams, I'm thinking of taking @Fox's program, if he'll take me of course.

Note: I realize this might come off like I'm selling his program, but I'd like to point out that I'm in no way affiliated with @Fox or his team. This is just the telling of my life. But if I'm breaking any rule, I'll gladly edit it out.





THIS IS GOLD. You hit the bullseye. I could not have figured this out myself. When I put in "effort" , I always came away with a feeling that my "best" was inadequate. Just like you mentioned, it's because my "best" is within my comfort. It's most likely because I've been comfortable for so long, that it's so extremely difficult to channel effort BEYOND the limit of my own comfort.



This is key. I've been floundering around, looking at society, others, wishing I was them, all on that FOMO. I need to be humble and accept where I am now.


Emotionally, I'm overwhelmed. Thank you for dedicating your time to writing this. It's beautifully written, and easily understandable.

I'm glad you found emotional relief here, but the reality of the situation is you're still nowhere. Instead of procrastinating getting Fox's course, try taking action TODAY by calling a few local businesses.

I literally outlined a step-by-step guide for you on how to get your first clients with web design earlier in the thread. I've held back nothing - it's exactly what I did to get out of debt and pay the bills quickly. The 2 months I spent calling 10-20 businesses per day was like a sales boot camp and nothing has ever been the same after that.

 

[Kingmaker]

Some good advice in this thread already, one more thing that you need to know which will possibly save you years of struggle is understanding the concept of ego backlash.

When you start something new, your ego eventually recoils to get back to your current baseline and you might even feel worse than before, so you think it's not working and give up. Rinse and repeat no matter what you start.

You need to be able to understand that ego backlash is what's really happening, and "negotiate" with your ego to be able to continue progressing. Here's a video that explains it in detail:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LL9Q5sHkCFg

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Deleted50669]

In addition to what everyone else said, I'd add that comparison is usually a bad idea. Whether you're 24 or 44, you are where you are, and looking around at other people isn't going to lead to any productive changes in your life.

The best way forward is to develop the concept of your ideal future self, and compare yourself to that as you go. This approach helped me immensely. I made hard lines in the sand of where I wanted to be a year from right now financially, geographically, socially, physically, mentally, etc. Then, with specific targets, I created plans to hit them all within one year. That made it easy to take immediate action. Did I hit all my goals? Hell no, I hit half of them. But that's ok, because I always set lofty goals that most people cannot reach. Then a year later, you assess progress, and draw the next lines in the sand.

You do this for 5 years, and then compare where you are to where you were 5 years ago. You will then realize your relative position in society has jumped by a lot.

 

[PapaGang]

Welcome to your first FTE.

If I were in your position I'd quit navel gazing and go help someone. Shift that focus to others and on finding a solution to a problem. Help an old lady by cleaning gutters. Doesn't matter. Start doing shit for people. Report back on how that made you feel. It's not about the money. It's that feeling. Doing good deeds turns into money. Once I found the magic of helping others, I've never looked at commerce the same way. Do good shit. The money will follow.

I get the feeling that we've all been there, which is why we are now here.

 

[sparechange]

Welcome to your first FTE.

If I were in your position I'd quit navel gazing and go help someone. Shift that focus to others and on finding a solution to a problem. Help an old lady by cleaning gutters. Doesn't matter. Start doing shit for people. Report back on how that made you feel. It's not about the money. It's that feeling. Doing good deeds turns into money. Once I found the magic of helping others, I've never looked at commerce the same way. Do good shit. The money will follow.

I get the feeling that we've all been there, which is why we are now here.

It's funny what happens when you don't think about money and just focus on value.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Christopher104]

Guys, I need a reality check.

I'm frustrated with my mindset. I know that I need a complete paradigm shift in my thinking process. Let me start off with my background.

I'm 24 years old. Under the guise of "trying to find a profession I love" for 6 years, I've accomplished nothing. During those six years, I f*cked around for 2-3 years trying to decide what I wanted to do as a career. Initially, I changed my path for a career three times. I finally decided in attending a two-year computing program, but alas, I didn't even last two terms. I dropped out and I was absolutely devastated. I had utterly failed, so I blamed everything on everything else instead of thinking what I could have done wrong. I couldn't believe this shit was happening to me. After going through the effort of upgrading courses just to get admitted, I didn't even make it halfway through the program. Pathetic. That's what I thought. I knew exactly why I had dropped out but I was purposely in denial. My ego blinded me from admitting it and it would blind me again. Shortly after, I forced myself to attend another 6-month web developer program because of peer pressure from my parents. This time, wanting to avoid failure at all costs, I completed this program successfully, but seeing as how I thought I knew most of the material, I got cocky and ended up half-assing the program. By the end of the program, the portfolios of my classmates were miles better than what I had managed to scratch up.

Unfortunately, after I finished the program, my mom became extremely ill and again, I took that shit personally. I couldn't believe terrible shit was happening to me AGAIN. My extremely egocentric sheltered a$$ was in disbelief that something like this could happen in MY life. And so, I drowned myself in self-pity for nearly a year. To get my mind off things, I took time to sharpen my web design skills with online courses so I could build a portfolio, get a job, and move the f*ck out of my parents’ house ASAP...but I never did in the end because of massive imposter syndrome/depression. Here I wasted almost a year, convincing myself that I was making a portfolio to apply for jobs. During this period, I also got a warehouse job. Needless to say, I f*cking hated it and quit after 4 months. Once I realized that I literally could not get myself to finish my portfolio much less have the courage to apply for any web related job, I decided to go attend college part-time for computer science. And now I'm slowly chipping away at getting that glorified piece of paper.

During this time, my health declined rapidly, and my energy levels are astronomically low compared to even two years ago.

What can I say guys, I'm fed up with my mediocrity. In all this, I see such small levels of effort in everything I do. I feel like I don't even know how it is to work hard at something. Even now, I'm taking two courses and I'm honestly f*cking terrified of taking more than that. I've grown up somehow with this mindset of elitism, of minimalist effort and I can't f*cking change it. I want to make a lot of money, and yet, I look down on minimum wage jobs and physical work. Above all, I KNOW that it defies all logic and I know that I'm wrong. But I still identify with these values. My parents are absolute angels in that they'll let me live at home for as long as possible, but I know this is a lack of discipline in their part by being too lax with me. I have become too comfortable with living and I'm afraid of taking risks. I've regressed into a shell and no one will tell me otherwise, which is why I've come here as a last resort.

I realize that this might not be the best place to unload all my insecurities, but I do so knowing that I might get a harsh dose of reality from you, the fastlane forum, Masters of the Hardknock Life.

I appreciate each and every comment, thank you for reading

*EDIT:
Seriously, holy shit. Thank you to each and every one of you. I don't know what to say. All this advice is quite literally life changing and everyone here is generous enough to give it away. If what I'm feeling right now is how it feels to receive true value from others, this gives me all the more reason to provide it for others as well.

*NOTE: I really want to address every one of your comments but I really need to focus on my exams. So I'll come back to address them after a week or two.

Well, I can see that you're better with the edit that you made. Cool. I still wanna give my take on this if you don't mind...

So if you look at my old post I've had my fair share of victim talk on this forum. But as time went on I slowly gravitated away from it and here's why: No one is going to magically come into your life and make these problems go away. There is no "mentor" as all of these life coaches like to talk about.

Elon musk isn't sitting at his desk thinking "You know... that RocketG guy... I read his post on the millionaire Fastlane forum and man, I just wanna buy him a Lamborghini. Because he has it hard and life just sucks sometimes."

Sounds pretty unlikely doesn't it? When I was single, wanted to meet people, and got faced with rejection, I always had to go back to one of my favorite quotes of all time: "Women don't care about the struggle, they hang out at the finish line and F*ck the winners."

I guess in this situation you could say the rewards of being disciplined and building a multi-million dollar empire don't really care how willing YOU are. They're there for those who stop thinking and start doing. And survive the ordeal.

Look I get that you're ventilating and were emotional when you posted, but you can do better than this. Whatever depression/imposter/mediocre syndrome you label yourself with... no one really cares about at the end of the day. The people you envy who get to travel the world and get to be free just see you as an extra in a movie (the people who just stand in the background while the main actors take the spotlight).

So I guess that's your reality check for you.

Going forward I want you to understand that mediocrity isn't something you can just shake off in six months. You're going to be here for awhile so get used to being the ugly duckling. In the meantime, tell me what you know about web design and I'll see if I can help you go into the right direction...

 

[Beebop27]

Guys, I need a reality check.

I'm frustrated with my mindset. I know that I need a complete paradigm shift in my thinking process. Let me start off with my background.

I'm 24 years old. Under the guise of "trying to find a profession I love" for 6 years, I've accomplished nothing. During those six years, I f*cked around for 2-3 years trying to decide what I wanted to do as a career. Initially, I changed my path for a career three times. I finally decided in attending a two-year computing program, but alas, I didn't even last two terms. I dropped out and I was absolutely devastated. I had utterly failed, so I blamed everything on everything else instead of thinking what I could have done wrong. I couldn't believe this shit was happening to me. After going through the effort of upgrading courses just to get admitted, I didn't even make it halfway through the program. Pathetic. That's what I thought. I knew exactly why I had dropped out but I was purposely in denial. My ego blinded me from admitting it and it would blind me again. Shortly after, I forced myself to attend another 6-month web developer program because of peer pressure from my parents. This time, wanting to avoid failure at all costs, I completed this program successfully, but seeing as how I thought I knew most of the material, I got cocky and ended up half-assing the program. By the end of the program, the portfolios of my classmates were miles better than what I had managed to scratch up.

Unfortunately, after I finished the program, my mom became extremely ill and again, I took that shit personally. I couldn't believe terrible shit was happening to me AGAIN. My extremely egocentric sheltered a$$ was in disbelief that something like this could happen in MY life. And so, I drowned myself in self-pity for nearly a year. To get my mind off things, I took time to sharpen my web design skills with online courses so I could build a portfolio, get a job, and move the f*ck out of my parents’ house ASAP...but I never did in the end because of massive imposter syndrome/depression. Here I wasted almost a year, convincing myself that I was making a portfolio to apply for jobs. During this period, I also got a warehouse job. Needless to say, I f*cking hated it and quit after 4 months. Once I realized that I literally could not get myself to finish my portfolio much less have the courage to apply for any web related job, I decided to go attend college part-time for computer science. And now I'm slowly chipping away at getting that glorified piece of paper.

During this time, my health declined rapidly, and my energy levels are astronomically low compared to even two years ago.

What can I say guys, I'm fed up with my mediocrity. In all this, I see such small levels of effort in everything I do. I feel like I don't even know how it is to work hard at something. Even now, I'm taking two courses and I'm honestly f*cking terrified of taking more than that. I've grown up somehow with this mindset of elitism, of minimalist effort and I can't f*cking change it. I want to make a lot of money, and yet, I look down on minimum wage jobs and physical work. Above all, I KNOW that it defies all logic and I know that I'm wrong. But I still identify with these values. My parents are absolute angels in that they'll let me live at home for as long as possible, but I know this is a lack of discipline in their part by being too lax with me. I have become too comfortable with living and I'm afraid of taking risks. I've regressed into a shell and no one will tell me otherwise, which is why I've come here as a last resort.

I realize that this might not be the best place to unload all my insecurities, but I do so knowing that I might get a harsh dose of reality from you, the fastlane forum, Masters of the Hardknock Life.

I appreciate each and every comment, thank you for reading

*EDIT:
Seriously, holy shit. Thank you to each and every one of you. I don't know what to say. All this advice is quite literally life changing and everyone here is generous enough to give it away. If what I'm feeling right now is how it feels to receive true value from others, this gives me all the more reason to provide it for others as well.

*NOTE: I really want to address every one of your comments but I really need to focus on my exams. So I'll come back to address them after a week or two.

Ok dude...

I was half half on replying, but decided to bite the bullet and do it.

Lets get the background right. I only read your first post, and dont have time to digest and read everyone else's reply, so me giving my 2 cents is ... well.. maybe its already said and done.

Your post reminds me of me. How I was. Which is not good.

You need to execute. Be ballsy.

And remember... this is a life truth. No one gives a F*ck about you. No one cares about how someone was raped as a little kid, no one cares if you didnt get the love you wanted, no one gives a F*ck about any of that shit. Thats a hard truth I learnt.

And if you truly grasp and understand this truth, you free yourself from all blame and self pity. I've had my fair share of shit cards, but its how you play them that counts.

And no one gives a F*ck anyway.

My gut tells me you need to move out of home and experience shit for real. Then after this, go hunting for opportuinities / solve problems, as MJ details in all his work. read and re-read millionaire fastlane . its a blueprint.

All the best bud.

 

[galaxybrain]

Saying you "want to make a lot of money" is a dodge on what you really want. Do you want external validation? Material gains? The admiration of strangers? Your parents' approval? None of those mean anything, and even if you were to get them, you'd still have to ask the fundamental question.

If I were in your position I'd quit navel gazing and go help someone. Shift that focus to others and on finding a solution to a problem.

Seconding this. I felt like I was never good at networking, and I realized much later that it's not about being scummy and salesy-- it's about helping someone solve a problem. Even if helping them solve that problem will not give you cash in your hand, that relationship is worth so much more. That can be mentorship, or a future business relationship, or simply an introduction that will change your life. A leader who showed me loyalty early on in my career had an easy time finding folks to join him to build a new startup to a lucrative exit. A PM who remembered my work called me up because he had a job that needed doing.

It's cliche to say "a job worth doing is worth doing well," but I think of it another way. Stand by your work. I don't care if I'm building a software application from scratch or scrubbing a toilet, it's my reputation on the line. I want people to know that when you ask for my help, I'm going to do a job that stays done. Maybe someone won't notice. Maybe someone won't know, or care, or maybe someone else will swoop in to take the credit. None of that makes any difference to me. I'll know the difference between a good job and a bad one.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Beebop27]

Ok dude...

I was half half on replying, but decided to bite the bullet and do it.

Lets get the background right. I only read your first post, and dont have time to digest and read everyone else's reply, so me giving my 2 cents is ... well.. maybe its already said and done.

Your post reminds me of me. How I was. Which is not good.

You need to execute. Be ballsy.

And remember... this is a life truth. No one gives a f*ck about you. No one cares about how someone was raped as a little kid, no one cares if you didnt get the love you wanted, no one gives a f*ck about any of that shit. Thats a hard truth I learnt.

And if you truly grasp and understand this truth, you free yourself from all blame and self pity. I've had my fair share of shit cards, but its how you play them that counts.

And no one gives a f*ck anyway.

My gut tells me you need to move out of home and experience shit for real. Then after this, go hunting for opportuinities / solve problems, as MJ details in all his work. read and re-read millionaire fastlane . its a blueprint.

All the best bud.

This guy says it better than I can:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPe72Tv3jo0

 

[Everyman]

Hey @RocketG ,

I haven't read any more than the title - but it was enough for me to enter this thread and comment.

We all are filled with shit to some extent so don't worry... We are only people. Welcome to the club called "Living on Earth"

I will come back later to read the whole thread.

Thanks for sharing and courage to do so!

Cheers and good luck!

 

[Runum]

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[PapaGang]

This guy says it better than I can:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPe72Tv3jo0

Jim Rohn saved my life.

 

[RocketG]

First of all, I'd like to apologize to everyone who put in their time and effort to reply to my sad cry for help, only for my scared little behind to scamper off into the woods, never to be seen again (the reason for this will be below). Reading all your replies now, it literally blinds me, just how genuine you folks were in pushing me in the right direction and for that, I am eternally grateful, to you, and @MJ DeMarco as well, who created this wonderful community.


To the Curious Georges who were wondering why I ran away. At the time, there was so much emotional heft associated with writing this thread that even just the thought of it filled me with dread which is why I put it off.


However, thanks to everyone’s advice, I didn’t come away with nothing. The emotional impact stayed with me and your invaluable advice stuck as well. After my exams,I promised myself two things:

1. To weight-lift 5-6 days a week for a year straight.
2. To stop masturbation and porn.

I successfully accomplished my weight-lifting goal, gaining 20 lbs of mass by consistently showing up in the gym 5-6 days a week for a year. I also managed to stop masturbation and porn for the longest time in 8 years and I continue to thrive to get better.


Additional actions taken shortly after:

• Woke up at 6 am and sleeping at 10 pm daily.
• Practiced visualization.
• Created a vision board.
• Journaled all my thoughts, and went through deep introspection on my limiting beliefs and behaviours.
• Cold Showers in the morning.
• Tracked my macro’s every day to gain mass.
• Got employed as a grocery clerk.
• Began prioritizing my health by seeing a specialized doctor.
• Purchased Fox’s Web School (easily one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, but not for what you would originally think).
• Wrote 3 things to be grateful for each morning.
• Read at least 10 pages of self-improvement books daily.
• Sold my gaming laptop to curb my gaming addiction.
• Stopped watching anime, movies, tv shows and anything fictitious entirely in order to stop living vicariously through others.

Of these all these things, I think the greatest and most impactful things that eventually brought me closer to clarity was:

1. Weight lifting.
2. No masturbation and pornography.
3. Working.

The irony of this all, is that my burning passion was right in my face all along. My true passion throughout my life. One that I buried deep in the recesses of my mind because I didn’t think it was financially compatible with my dreams as a high school senior. And what do you think that might be? Becoming a Personal Trainer of course (queue eye-roll)!


I know, I know. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that this profession breaks pretty much every CENTS rule in the book. Heck, I knew it wasn’t a great idea as a senior in high school either. Why would I think its a good idea now?

Because if it’s THE thing that will push me forward to take massive action, isn’t that already worth its weight in gold?

Hence, my rationale for choosing this is because I can:

1. Bust my a$$ for something I truly enjoy.
2. Provide real value by actually helping people in real time.
3. Hone my sales skills in selling something I 100% believe in.
4. Build a large network through clients/referrals.

If you read up until now, I salute you and thank you for taking your precious time to do so. This was as much of a life update for you as it was for me. If you have any thoughts, insight, feedback, anything at all, I’d love to hear it.


Thank you all.