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- Jan 8, 2024
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I am present as F*ck recently, my first whiney post me totally transformed through couple book reccomendations (thank you) and it is amazing, recently working on emotional intelligence, feeling greater than ever before, acknowledging and letting go each emotion of mine and literally realising - most constant emotions are guilt and shame out of nowhere all the time, but - mindfullness helped me let them go each goddamn time effortlessly.
I was shocked, real me (woo-woo) was looking with compassion at me crying out of nowhere, literally for no solid reason, very strong emotions emerged from within, it was hard to not cry.
My mind imagines all the current wars, hunger, death and disease that humanity is experiencing, my hear was full of pain and compassion, it was very real in my imagination, my ego and underlying beliefs emerged in a verbal way and they went like "I don't deserve anything good, why be rich if someone is poor, why do effortlessly what someone can't even make work, why feel great when someone is feeling suicidal" and there were thoughts like "I hate power, egocentrism, selfishness" and there were... downplaying of every single person's success including and especially my own as just a luck, environment, coincidence, synchronicity and "They and me never deseve it, especially me, why not help other person" and especially this one was absurd and hilarious "I could save every hungry person in the world, solve wars, help humanity" and all of that, and my favourite "I am unfair; to stop this, I gotta suffer two times worse than somebody, to feel their pain, to be like them, being better is unfair" and it is simply a surface of this iceberg.
It went for 10 to 20 minutes of crying and sobbing, almost 10 minutes ago before this post, I was crying and sobbing, when it stopped, as if million kilogrammes of weight fell down from my shoulders.
Turns out, every self sabotage of mine were because of deep feeling and commitment of not deserving anything, being unfair, and putting myself first is bad kinda thing.
You're not my therapist, and my self healing process going well, but, what do you think about it? Can you relate? Have you ever felt unfair? Maybe you think what you got is not what you deserve? Do you ever felt compassion for humanity and wanted to cry and help? What books have you read on this topic? What do you think you would do in this particular situation?
Support is very important when this kinda absurd, random, but very false-real shit happens, thank you for your attention and feel free to ask questions and please write what you think about it, because there is a lot of really successful people making millions per month or year, while someone's is working at burger king as s waitress or whatever.
I was shocked, real me (woo-woo) was looking with compassion at me crying out of nowhere, literally for no solid reason, very strong emotions emerged from within, it was hard to not cry.
My mind imagines all the current wars, hunger, death and disease that humanity is experiencing, my hear was full of pain and compassion, it was very real in my imagination, my ego and underlying beliefs emerged in a verbal way and they went like "I don't deserve anything good, why be rich if someone is poor, why do effortlessly what someone can't even make work, why feel great when someone is feeling suicidal" and there were thoughts like "I hate power, egocentrism, selfishness" and there were... downplaying of every single person's success including and especially my own as just a luck, environment, coincidence, synchronicity and "They and me never deseve it, especially me, why not help other person" and especially this one was absurd and hilarious "I could save every hungry person in the world, solve wars, help humanity" and all of that, and my favourite "I am unfair; to stop this, I gotta suffer two times worse than somebody, to feel their pain, to be like them, being better is unfair" and it is simply a surface of this iceberg.
It went for 10 to 20 minutes of crying and sobbing, almost 10 minutes ago before this post, I was crying and sobbing, when it stopped, as if million kilogrammes of weight fell down from my shoulders.
Turns out, every self sabotage of mine were because of deep feeling and commitment of not deserving anything, being unfair, and putting myself first is bad kinda thing.
You're not my therapist, and my self healing process going well, but, what do you think about it? Can you relate? Have you ever felt unfair? Maybe you think what you got is not what you deserve? Do you ever felt compassion for humanity and wanted to cry and help? What books have you read on this topic? What do you think you would do in this particular situation?
Support is very important when this kinda absurd, random, but very false-real shit happens, thank you for your attention and feel free to ask questions and please write what you think about it, because there is a lot of really successful people making millions per month or year, while someone's is working at burger king as s waitress or whatever.
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