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“You CANT be anything you set your mind to”

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ryjohn829

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As a kid my mother always told me, “you can be whatever you set your mind to.” This is a lie. On the long drive from Boston to Cape Cod she brought up my sister and her college (Salam State University). This is how it went....

she failed to mention that my sister is strapped with $60,000 of debt during her sophomore year in college and clinically depressed. DANGEROUS....

MOM: Ryan, are you going to college?
Me: ABSOLUTELY NOT
MOM: are you gonna join the military
Me: No, that would be selling my life, I’d never get that time back
Mom: What are you going to do? The only way to get money is to have a job.
Me: I want to create something valuable that other people can use, I want to have a positive impact on the world
Mom: whatever your doing you’ll have to do in your spare time after you 40 hour work week
Me: do you see all of these buildings? they were built by people, people like you and me. Most of them started from nothing.
Mom: You need to be realistic and why don’t you work on getting your grades up.

I can already see how painful this life road is going to be. I want it too bad. I need to find a way.

DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR! Can someone who has been in this situation give me some real advice on how to either convince (unlikely) or get around my single motheR

I’m 17 and won’t finish high school until I’m 19 because I got held back when my father past away. I’d say I have till 20 before she kicks me to the curb.

Shoulf I move out as soon as possible? If someone would give me some tough advice it would be appropriated. I’m willing to listen.
 

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JScott

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Mom: ....why don’t you work on getting your grades up.
....
If someone would give me some tough advice it would be appropriated. I’m willing to listen.

My advice is to get your grades up...

If you want to be successful, you need to be willing to work hard. Sounds like you've got a couple more years of high school, so why not practice working hard by doing better in school?

May not be fun, but that's part of success -- working hard on things that aren't fun and that don't appear to have much of a payoff at the time you're doing them. Working hard to get your grades up may not provide much benefit now, but it will prepare you for work, and may provide some benefit down the road, as it will help you learn to focus, learn to study, learn to learn, etc...
 
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sparechange

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There is an old saying that floats around..... Don't tell me what your going to do, tell me what you've done.

Until you are capable of feeding and housing yourself you are all talk. Yes dreams are great of building a business and whatnot but it will take some time, in the meantime what value do you provide? Right now you are just sitting around at home, sucking up free rent and food. You are not looking at yourself from the perspective of your parent.

Getting a job is actually the best thing you could do right now. Consider it a free training program, and you get the benefits of getting paid while stacking up cash to invest into something.

If you want to create something valuable to the world, how will you achieve this broke? I'm assuming you don't have much cash (being 17) You need money, not much... for startup fees like a license, website, maybe some advertisements, some equipment whatever.

Right now you are ''wealthier'' than the majority of people on this forum, you've got an abundance of time and the youth & fire to conquer the world.

You'll need to talk with your mother and show her examples of people you want to be like, I don't know who your role models are, but you could list off famous examples like Bill Gates, John Paul Dejora, Elon musk, Richard Branson...the list is endless, make a plan and timeline on how/when your goals can be achieved and stick to it.

Properly explaining your reasoning for not wanting to goto college (which I fully support) And showing some successful examples is a start.

What can you do today? How can you make your first $1?

And to stir up the pot, let's pretend you make the decision to move out tomorrow, how are you going to do this?? Can you afford to pay rent & feed yourself?

Most people start with a job, realize how much it sucks and then create their own fastlane. Believe me, success is not overnight... you are in for a long ride and multiple failures away from truly creating an unscripted life style.

Good luck on the journey, take it slow and enjoy it. Life is super short and I'd gladly trade anything away to be 17 again. (I'm 28 and feel insanely old)
 

Mattie

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As a kid my mother always told me, “you can be whatever you set your mind to.” This is a lie. On the long drive from Boston to Cape Cod she brought up my sister and her college (Salam State University). This is how it went....

she failed to mention that my sister is strapped with $60,000 of debt during her sophomore year in college and clinically depressed. DANGEROUS....

MOM: Ryan, are you going to college?
Me: ABSOLUTELY NOT
MOM: are you gonna join the military
Me: No, that would be selling my life, I’d never get that time back
Mom: What are you going to do? The only way to get money is to have a job.
Me: I want to create something valuable that other people can use, I want to have a positive impact on the world
Mom: whatever your doing you’ll have to do in your spare time after you 40 hour work week
Me: do you see all of these buildings? they were built by people, people like you and me. Most of them started from nothing.
Mom: You need to be realistic and why don’t you work on getting your grades up.

I can already see how painful this life road is going to be. I want it too bad. I need to find a way.

DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR! Can someone who has been in this situation give me some real advice on how to either convince (unlikely) or get around my single motheR

I’m 17 and won’t finish high school until I’m 19 because I got held back when my father past away. I’d say I have till 20 before she kicks me to the curb.

Shoulf I move out as soon as possible? If someone would give me some tough advice it would be appropriated. I’m willing to listen.
I can tell you, you can do anything you put your mind too if you choose to if you really want it bad enough. Depression is different for everyone. There are different diagnosis and types of Depression.

Depression comes from the way you think about life, your relationships, and environment. This has to do with your belief systems as well. Which comes down to the fact if you really want to beat depression, you do everything in your power to overcome it.

For Parents nay saying, giving negative feed back, and being the negative critic, I'm sure we've all experienced this in life.

In fact your parents are you first teachers on opposition, argument, debate, and usually do have a better idea of what we should be doing according to their beliefs.

Fortunately, when you're 18 you're legally an adult. It's really up to you to create the future you desire to create.

Parents obviously, have been there themselves. They just forget what it's like to have their parents oppose them.

I'm sure the more time you spend in here, the more you will learn, grow, and manage to get past the road blocks. It's not something you do over night. A job isn't going to hurt you. And it will give you experience towards running your own business.

You have to have some way to fund your vision for starters.

How many hours you work is up to you and what responsibilities you have in the situation.
 

MJ DeMarco

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If you want to be successful, you need to be willing to work hard. Sounds like you've got a couple more years of high school, so why not practice working hard by doing better in school?

May not be fun, but that's part of success -- working hard on things that aren't fun and that don't appear to have much of a payoff at the time you're doing them. Working hard to get your grades up may not provide much benefit now, but it prepare you for work, and may provide some benefit down the road, as it will help you learn to focus, learn to study, learn to learn...

+1000.

As I like to say, the secret to success isn't so much as "doing what you love" but "doing what you hate."

I believe there is a correlation between how you do anything (my grades suck) to how you will do everything.

When I mopped floors, something I didn't like, I made sure I did it damn good. That attitude transferred in things that matter.
 

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I am sorry for the loss of your dad. I too lost my dad at a young age. I too also felt a higher calling in this world at your age.

I actually see a lot of me in what you are saying. I have been employed by the work of my own hands, with no boss, since the age of 19. I made it a priority over lifestyle and comfort.

DON’T EVER let anyone talk you out of this calling. EVER! They tried on me. They eventually gave up.

Now to the hard truth. You currently live on someone else’s dime. You are at a point in your life where you have to follow. Where you have to comply with the rules others set for you. It is a temporary condition, but you haven’t earned the right to complain if you haven’t earned the means to support yourself.

Keep your head in your work, all of it, and make bold decisions for your life. Think big. Those buildings didn’t build themselves. You are right and you can absolutely be one of them.

Stick around on the forum. Commit yourself to learning as much as you can. Clean up your grammar and spelling. Respect your mom. AND become someone you are proud to be.
 
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socaldude

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Well, considering our socialization is designed to make us mediocre and wealth tends to gravitate towards skills that are scarce and exclusionary in nature. Focus on a mind set that has these properties.

Hard work is not enough, because even people with dead end jobs work hard. Be a perfectionist.

Focus on whats called metacognition. It simply means, as stated in websters dictionary, understanding and awareness of ones own thinking. Its extremely difficult and rare. It will make you money and make you happier. Theres tons of resources on this topic.
 

sparechange

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I just had an awesome idea I'd like you to try out.

Watch an episode of shark tank with your family, and show them how ordinary people become entrepreneurs, if they can't get behind you and your dreams, then you have a toxic family.

Let us know how it goes!

You can find a bunch of episodes for free on youtube

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz4pJb34gBk


Here's one I found

I think this would be the best way to ''lecture'' your family about your own dreams.
 

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Me: I want to create something valuable that other people can use, I want to have a positive impact on the world
Mom: whatever your doing you’ll have to do in your spare time after you 40 hour work week
Your mom is right.
 

kleine2

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While it might seem like a trivial accomplishment and a path to a boring unbearable life, for someone in your situation the opposite is true.
Finishing school successfully will be a major accomplishment and advantage for you.

There is a lot more freedom and many more possibilities in life than we realize.
The way to see all of the opportunities that we have is to open up and lean into the things in front of us rather than taking an anti stance or fixating on a specific outcome against everyone else.

There are lots of good people in the world that can help you on your path.
Doesn't mean that you always need to take the advice you are given or to conform to what anyone says you should do.
Finishing school is a tool in your box which will give you more and better options afterwards to pursue your dreams.

Call me if you want to discuss kleine222 on skype
 

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sergiodcarreno

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Apr 24, 2020
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There is an old saying that floats around..... Don't tell me what your going to do, tell me what you've done.

Until you are capable of feeding and housing yourself you are all talk. Yes dreams are great of building a business and whatnot but it will take some time, in the meantime what value do you provide? Right now you are just sitting around at home, sucking up free rent and food. You are not looking at yourself from the perspective of your parent.

Getting a job is actually the best thing you could do right now. Consider it a free training program, and you get the benefits of getting paid while stacking up cash to invest into something.

If you want to create something valuable to the world, how will you achieve this broke? I'm assuming you don't have much cash (being 17) You need money, not much... for startup fees like a license, website, maybe some advertisements, some equipment whatever.

Right now you are ''wealthier'' than the majority of people on this forum, you've got an abundance of time and the youth & fire to conquer the world.

You'll need to talk with your mother and show her examples of people you want to be like, I don't know who your role models are, but you could list off famous examples like Bill Gates, John Paul Dejora, Elon musk, Richard Branson...the list is endless, make a plan and timeline on how/when your goals can be achieved and stick to it.

Properly explaining your reasoning for not wanting to goto college (which I fully support) And showing some successful examples is a start.

What can you do today? How can you make your first $1?

And to stir up the pot, let's pretend you make the decision to move out tomorrow, how are you going to do this?? Can you afford to pay rent & feed yourself?

Most people start with a job, realize how much it sucks and then create their own fastlane. Believe me, success is not overnight... you are in for a long ride and multiple failures away from truly creating an unscripted life style.

Good luck on the journey, take it slow and enjoy it. Life is super short and I'd gladly trade anything away to be 17 again. (I'm 28 and feel insanely old)
As a kid my mother always told me, “you can be whatever you set your mind to.” This is a lie. On the long drive from Boston to Cape Cod she brought up my sister and her college (Salam State University). This is how it went....

she failed to mention that my sister is strapped with $60,000 of debt during her sophomore year in college and clinically depressed. DANGEROUS....

MOM: Ryan, are you going to college?
Me: ABSOLUTELY NOT
MOM: are you gonna join the military
Me: No, that would be selling my life, I’d never get that time back
Mom: What are you going to do? The only way to get money is to have a job.
Me: I want to create something valuable that other people can use, I want to have a positive impact on the world
Mom: whatever your doing you’ll have to do in your spare time after you 40 hour work week
Me: do you see all of these buildings? they were built by people, people like you and me. Most of them started from nothing.
Mom: You need to be realistic and why don’t you work on getting your grades up.

I can already see how painful this life road is going to be. I want it too bad. I need to find a way.

DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR! Can someone who has been in this situation give me some real advice on how to either convince (unlikely) or get around my single motheR

I’m 17 and won’t finish high school until I’m 19 because I got held back when my father past away. I’d say I have till 20 before she kicks me to the curb.

Shoulf I move out as soon as possible? If someone would give me some tough advice it would be appropriated. I’m willing to listen.
Looks like you already have a lot of good advice from the people in this community. Definitely get a job 1) It will allow you to save up so you have a cushion if you get kicked out at 20, and 2) It will allow you to invest in resources that will help you along your journey like courses, books, mentors, etc. The only thing I would add is not try to convince your mother of anything. It sounds like she just wants you to be responsible so getting a job should get her off your back, but after that, simply go on your journey. Actually do the things you say you want to do and teach her by your example example, not with words. And always keep in mind that she is just trying to do what is best by you so don't let her get you down with her suggestions. Doesn't mean you need to take her advice but its good to know where its coming from.
 

ryjohn829

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Feb 20, 2020
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+1000.

As I like to say, the secret to success isn't so much as "doing what you love" but "doing what you hate."

I believe there is a correlation between how you do anything (my grades suck) to how you will do everything.

When I mopped floors, something I didn't like, I made sure I did it damn good. That attitude transferred in things that matter.
Your right I do need to up my game. I want it so bad at this point. I’ll do anything. After I finish reading these I’m going to see how I can improve my grades and take up my neighbor the offer to landscape for him. Thank you everyone for taking the time to help me. It really means a lot to me :)
 

ryjohn829

Contributor
Feb 20, 2020
32
43
97
18
Suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts
I just had an awesome idea I'd like you to try out.

Watch an episode of shark tank with your family, and show them how ordinary people become entrepreneurs, if they can't get behind you and your dreams, then you have a toxic family.

Let us know how it goes!

You can find a bunch of episodes for free on youtube

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz4pJb34gBk


Here's one I found

I think this would be the best way to ''lecture'' your family about your own dreams.
which episode is it? the video is unavailable and i'd like to watch it.
 

BrianLateStart

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I love Shark Tank, but focusing on that now will only make you look like a dreamer to your family. Your success will be dependant on you. No need to try and convince anyone but yourself. Put in the hard work now. Dreaming focuses on the outcome. You need to focus on the steps that will get you to your dream.
 

Sethamus

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Sounds like getting your grades up and a job would get her off your a$$ pretty quick! Save that money up until you have an plan in place to use it for a business. Work on your homework on the kitchen table showing her you are trying. If you work on your relationship with your mom she might let you stick around longer which would allow you to save more money for a business. Plus, she is your mom!
That is my advice. If you need the no nonsense version to understand let me know, I just don’t want to run someone off because they got their feelings hurt like the other day haha.
 

ryjohn829

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Feb 20, 2020
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Sounds like getting your grades up and a job would get her off your a$$ pretty quick! Save that money up until you have an plan in place to use it for a business. Work on your homework on the kitchen table showing her you are trying. If you work on your relationship with your mom she might let you stick around longer which would allow you to save more money for a business. Plus, she is your mom!
That is my advice. If you need the no nonsense version to understand let me know, I just don’t want to run someone off because they got their feelings hurt like the other day haha.
i'm willing to listen like i said, if you have some more advice I will take it. Everyone here is right. I'm a lot younger than most of you guys, so i expect that you know better than me. The world is still so new to me. I'll start right now. I just submitted all of my online assignments and am going to focus on getting a job and getting grades from C-D to B-A. Until I get a job i will cut my neighbors lawns for cash. I want to learn. I sold all of my consoles and video games because they were a distraction. I'm all in.
 

Sethamus

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i'm willing to listen like i said, if you have some more advice I will take it. Everyone here is right. I'm a lot younger than most of you guys, so i expect that you know better than me. The world is still so new to me. I'll start right now. I just submitted all of my online assignments and am going to focus on getting a job and getting grades from C-D to B-A. Until I get a job i will cut my neighbors lawns for cash. I want to learn. I sold all of my consoles and video games because they were a distraction. I'm all in.
Not sure where you live, but for additional services since summer is coming around you can add house washing (ladder, soap bucket, long extendable brush, and a lot of labor), gutter cleaning, with some cash available pressure washing, hand car wash and wax, etc.
Also, if you haven’t taken advantage of this, you have until you are 18 unless you continue with school. Not much, but every bit helps. https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
 

ryjohn829

Contributor
Feb 20, 2020
32
43
97
18
Suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts
Not sure where you live, but for additional services since summer is coming around you can add house washing (ladder, soap bucket, long extendable brush, and a lot of labor), gutter cleaning, with some cash available pressure washing, hand car wash and wax, etc.
Also, if you haven’t taken advantage of this, you have until you are 18 unless you continue with school. Not much, but every bit helps. https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
I’ll take on every job I can get, but I’m not sure I understand what the .gov document is all about. My mother didn’t say that she would kick me out. I love in 15 miles North of Boston. There’s lots of opportunities to make money. I don’t have an excuse to be lazy, your right. I’m going to change and work my a$$ off.
 

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Just because you don’t go to college, doesn’t mean your likely to be successful without extensive education. Education doesn’t have to come from college or schooling. Education is really just accumulation of new knowledge and skills however they are acquired, which can come from many sources - on the job experience, the internet, books, tackling a hard problem and finding a solution, etc.

My experience is that by far, more often than not, doing poorly in high school, not wanting to go to college, and refusing to get a job is almost always a recipe for failure. It probably is because this pattern is usually indicating an underlying lack of discipline or laziness. You must have discipline, drive, and perseverance to succeed.

Most people have a very very hard time maintaining focus, direction, and lose sight of their purpose without some sort of underlying structure to their daily routine until they have learned, practiced, and mastered discipline in some aspect of their life. It’s way too easy for most people to wake up in the morning and float through the day unless they have some demand, such as work or schooling, placed on them. Days of floating turn into weeks, months, years, and then decades.

Are you different than that? Maybe. Try to learn something without the structure of normal schooling, teach yourself copywriting, programming, marketing, etc. With the internet today you can learn almost anything so long as you have the discipline to actually do it.

So do a little experiment with yourself. Decide how much time, say 2 hours each night after school, your going to put in daily to teaching yourself or actively working on some project or idea. Can you stick with it for months? If not maybe your time is better spent for the moment getting some education or work experience.

Very often great ideas come from being out in the world where you are exposed more readily to problems needing a solution.
 
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sparechange

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which episode is it? the video is unavailable and i'd like to watch it.

season 10 episode 4, but it doesn't matter, you can pick any random episode they are all good
 

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Sethamus

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The .gov pdf was child social security benefits on death of a parent. You are qualified to receive until 18 (longer with other restrictions like still being in school) that he earned for you from working. Your mother qualified for additional aid until you turned 16. If you were already 16 then currently only you qualify. Free money, so go take it back from the government as they have taken plenty of mine from me lol.

Maybe use some of that money to buy equipment for your yard business or an insider subscription to this forum as there are tons of great threads on the insiders.
 

MetalGear

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  • High school is where you learn a lot of fundamentals
  • The education system isn't perfect, but it gives you a good general toolkit
    • I tend to look back and appreciate history, economics, comp sci, and the arts
  • You experienced a traumatizing event, so practice kindness when talking to yourself
  • Plenty of people that commented above were not book smart geniuses (and neither am I)
    • If you pay attention to them, they are always learning
 
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Johnny boy

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My only regret is not dropping out of school sooner. I will do my very best to never ever get a job again. It was the worst. My life is 100x better than before when I had a job or went to school. School made me depressed. So did work. I remember that sinking feeling of dread thinking about what my life was going to be since I imagined I would have to stay in school, get a job, etc.

I dropped out, started my business, moved out to a lake house, spent the entire winter traveling and doing what I wanted, and this last year was the greatest year of my life so far. I’ve never made so much money. I’ve never had so much freedom. I’ve never made so many friends. I’ve never grown so much in so many different ways.

So, even though there’s people on here telling you “stay in school” and “jobs are neat”. I can’t help but think they’re crazy. I’d rather get my fingernails ripped off than go back to school.

My parents used to give me advice. My teachers used to give me advice. My friends used to give me advice. Random shitheads used to give me advice. They’re all probably not worth listening to. I don’t listen to most everyone else because most everyone else has a trash life. Don’t listen to mommy. She means best, but does she have an awesome life? That’s your answer if you should listen or not.
 

Sethamus

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My only regret is not dropping out of school sooner. I will do my very best to never ever get a job again. It was the worst. My life is 100x better than before when I had a job or went to school. School made me depressed. So did work. I remember that sinking feeling of dread thinking about what my life was going to be since I imagined I would have to stay in school, get a job, etc.

I dropped out, started my business, moved out to a lake house, spent the entire winter traveling and doing what I wanted, and this last year was the greatest year of my life so far. I’ve never made so much money. I’ve never had so much freedom. I’ve never made so many friends. I’ve never grown so much in so many different ways.

So, even though there’s people on here telling you “stay in school” and “jobs are neat”. I can’t help but think they’re crazy. I’d rather get my fingernails ripped off than go back to school.

My parents used to give me advice. My teachers used to give me advice. My friends used to give me advice. Random shitheads used to give me advice. They’re all probably not worth listening to. I don’t listen to most everyone else because most everyone else has a trash life. Don’t listen to mommy. She means best, but does she have an awesome life? That’s your answer if you should listen or not.
The difference here is that instead of every Tom, Dick, and Harry randomly giving advice he has joined a forum where he came asking for advice. Some of the ones telling him to stay in school are guys very successful, older, and wiser as they have gone through the ringer and seen multiple people go both routes. I agree you shouldn’t take anyone’s passing advice, but that is not the case here.
 

Bekit

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As a kid my mother always told me, “you can be whatever you set your mind to.” This is a lie. On the long drive from Boston to Cape Cod she brought up my sister and her college (Salam State University). This is how it went....

she failed to mention that my sister is strapped with $60,000 of debt during her sophomore year in college and clinically depressed. DANGEROUS....

MOM: Ryan, are you going to college?
Me: ABSOLUTELY NOT
MOM: are you gonna join the military
Me: No, that would be selling my life, I’d never get that time back
Mom: What are you going to do? The only way to get money is to have a job.
Me: I want to create something valuable that other people can use, I want to have a positive impact on the world
Mom: whatever your doing you’ll have to do in your spare time after you 40 hour work week
Me: do you see all of these buildings? they were built by people, people like you and me. Most of them started from nothing.
Mom: You need to be realistic and why don’t you work on getting your grades up.

I can already see how painful this life road is going to be. I want it too bad. I need to find a way.

DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR! Can someone who has been in this situation give me some real advice on how to either convince (unlikely) or get around my single motheR

I’m 17 and won’t finish high school until I’m 19 because I got held back when my father past away. I’d say I have till 20 before she kicks me to the curb.

Shoulf I move out as soon as possible? If someone would give me some tough advice it would be appropriated. I’m willing to listen.
Let's break down the quote that's the title of this thread. "You can be whatever you set your mind to."

It sounds like you're objecting to your mom's use of this phrase because to her, this means, "IF YOU GO TO COLLEGE, you can be whatever you set your mind to."

OK, let's reject that right now.

It's not about going to college. You know that. You're right.

But what if the thing you want to set your mind to be is an entrepreneur?

Can you be that, if you set your mind to it?

Sure you can.

So it's not always a lie.

DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR! Can someone who has been in this situation give me some real advice on how to either convince (unlikely) or get around my single motheR

Your mother is probably a slowlaner.

She doesn't have a concept of how to think outside the script.

But it sounds like her heart is to encourage you ("dream big, you can do it") and see you be successful (which equates in her mind to one of two paths : college or the military).

She's probably skeptical of entrepreneurship and won't believe it's a viable strategy until she sees it.

MANY young fastlaners have had to forge ahead despite their parents active disapproval and not believing in them while they took this path. You're not alone.

Here's how you'll probably get the best results (and maybe even win her over to support you sooner rather than later).

Connect the dots for her between what she wants for you (success and fulfilled dreams) and the direction you're taking to achieve that.


This is basically a sales pitch. You're selling her on the idea of supporting your dream of entrepreneurship.

It might sound something like this:
  • You: You know how you said that I can be whatever I set my mind to?
  • Mom: Yes?
  • You: Well, what if I have really big dreams? Would you still support me if the dreams are huge?
  • Mom: Of course.
  • You: Mom, I have really big dreams. I want to reach higher than my peers. I don't want to settle for a mediocre life where I'm just stuck working in a job I hate to barely even afford rent. Here's what I want. I want to be able to afford nice things... go on vacation... pay off your house... retire you from working [insert your own dreams here].
  • [Hopefully your mom's face takes on a soft, dreamy expression and she wants this for you, too.]
  • You: There's only one path I see to be able to pull that off. And it's not college. And it's not the military. It's business ownership. It's entrepreneurship. As an employee, I'm never going to get there. I'm reaching higher than that. I know it'll take a while. It's going to take a lot of work for me to get there. It's going to be a hard road. Harder than college. Harder than the military. I realize it's going to take discipline. And stamina. And perseverance. And I need to develop those qualities.

    So here's what you're going to see me start to do. I'm going to start by working on my grades. Starting now, the work I put into my school will be symbolic of the work I'm going to throw into entrepreneurship.

    I'm also going to start mowing lawns this summer. And you're going to see me start finding things to sell. I'm going to learn sales skills by selling in the real world. I'm going to start from the bottom, and work my way up, and by the age of 25, I'm going to be WAY ahead of my peers who went to college, both financially and in terms of work ethic and skills.

    Along the way, I'm going to be learning lessons. Developing myself. Reading books. Learning from business mentors. I'm all in with this, mom. I'm finished with frittering away time. I sold all of my consoles and video games because they were a distraction. I'm all in. Even if I do take a job, it's just a means to an end. It won't mean the dream has died.

    Will you support me in that dream for my future, mom?

  • Mom: Wow... uh...
  • [At this point her mind will be all scrambled up as she processes this information. She will probably begin by launching her biggest objections at you. If you played your cards well, you may have removed many of her objections before she has a chance to voice them, but she will still probably have a few left. (Tip: think through the objections she is likely to have, and weave in the counter-argument in your monologue above.) No matter what she says, look at it as "objection handling" in a sales pitch rather than an emotionally charged "she doesn't support me and she's trying to start an argument with me." So just patiently counter her objections, one by one.] Examples:
  • Mom: But why can't you go to college anyway? You could get a business degree and still pursue your dream of entrepreneurship later...
  • You: Yeah, but that's a recipe for me to end up $60,000 in debt and potentially clinically depressed like my sister. And college is not necessary. I can pursue my dream (and win) with or without a degree. So why would I saddle myself with all the debt, if I can go either way?
  • Mom: But that's not how the world works. In my generation, the people with degrees got white collar jobs. Everyone else got stuck in manual labor, blue-collar jobs. You don't want that.
  • You: The world is different now, mom. I realize that advice made sense for your generation. But it's just no longer the case. It used to be that ANY degree was a ticket to a good job. Employers used to select candidates with a college degree as a shortcut to getting a good employee. Now, a degree is meaningless. Employers know it. What matters in business is, can you produce something? Do you have a work ethic? Can you provide value?
  • Mom: But business owners are greedy monsters. You wouldn't want to be one of those people, would you?
  • You: I don't have to be. Owning a business doesn't automatically transform you into a selfish person. You know you've raised me better than that. What the world needs is more employers who have values and care about people. That's what I aim to be.
  • Mom: How do you know you're cut out for this? Isn't it unrealistic to think you can get there? What if you fail?
  • You: If other people can do this, why can't I? Didn't you say I could do anything I set my mind to? Yes, failure is a frequent companion of entrepreneurs. But every time I fail, I'm going to chalk it up as a lesson learned, pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going. Succeeding at entrepreneurship isn't about being born with a silver spoon in your mouth. It's not about being the smartest. It's not about the neighborhood you grew up in or the school you attended. It's about perseverance. It's about resilience. It's about finding a need and meeting that need. I can do that.
  • Etc. You get the picture.
  • Eventually, your mom will run out of objections. You've countered them all. At this point, she will have two choices. She will either be on board with you, supporting you and cheering you on, or she will throw up her hands in defeat and feel like you're going to go your own way regardless of what she says. You need to be ok with either outcome. You need to be prepared for a scenario where she doesn't support you until she sees the dollar bills flowing in. This may take years. It will be harder without her support, but you can still do it. You'll get there. She'll come around eventually. If she chooses not to support you, that doesn't say anything about you. It just says that she is unable to expand her thinking to admit a new idea that's outside of her current mold. Are you secure enough in yourself to face this potential outcome and still go forward? If so, respect. That's the first step in the journey of facing down whatever other obstacles you run into as an entrepreneur.
 

ryjohn829

Contributor
Feb 20, 2020
32
43
97
18
Suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts
Let's break down the quote that's the title of this thread. "You can be whatever you set your mind to."

It sounds like you're objecting to your mom's use of this phrase because to her, this means, "IF YOU GO TO COLLEGE, you can be whatever you set your mind to."

OK, let's reject that right now.

It's not about going to college. You know that. You're right.

But what if the thing you want to set your mind to be is an entrepreneur?

Can you be that, if you set your mind to it?

Sure you can.

So it's not always a lie.



Your mother is probably a slowlaner.

She doesn't have a concept of how to think outside the script.

But it sounds like her heart is to encourage you ("dream big, you can do it") and see you be successful (which equates in her mind to one of two paths : college or the military).

She's probably skeptical of entrepreneurship and won't believe it's a viable strategy until she sees it.

MANY young fastlaners have had to forge ahead despite their parents active disapproval and not believing in them while they took this path. You're not alone.

Here's how you'll probably get the best results (and maybe even win her over to support you sooner rather than later).

Connect the dots for her between what she wants for you (success and fulfilled dreams) and the direction you're taking to achieve that.

This is basically a sales pitch. You're selling her on the idea of supporting your dream of entrepreneurship.

It might sound something like this:
  • You: You know how you said that I can be whatever I set my mind to?
  • Mom: Yes?
  • You: Well, what if I have really big dreams? Would you still support me if the dreams are huge?
  • Mom: Of course.
  • You: Mom, I have really big dreams. I want to reach higher than my peers. I don't want to settle for a mediocre life where I'm just stuck working in a job I hate to barely even afford rent. Here's what I want. I want to be able to afford nice things... go on vacation... pay off your house... retire you from working [insert your own dreams here].
  • [Hopefully your mom's face takes on a soft, dreamy expression and she wants this for you, too.]
  • You: There's only one path I see to be able to pull that off. And it's not college. And it's not the military. It's business ownership. It's entrepreneurship. As an employee, I'm never going to get there. I'm reaching higher than that. I know it'll take a while. It's going to take a lot of work for me to get there. It's going to be a hard road. Harder than college. Harder than the military. I realize it's going to take discipline. And stamina. And perseverance. And I need to develop those qualities.

    So here's what you're going to see me start to do. I'm going to start by working on my grades. Starting now, the work I put into my school will be symbolic of the work I'm going to throw into entrepreneurship.

    I'm also going to start mowing lawns this summer. And you're going to see me start finding things to sell. I'm going to learn sales skills by selling in the real world. I'm going to start from the bottom, and work my way up, and by the age of 25, I'm going to be WAY ahead of my peers who went to college, both financially and in terms of work ethic and skills.

    Along the way, I'm going to be learning lessons. Developing myself. Reading books. Learning from business mentors. I'm all in with this, mom. I'm finished with frittering away time. I sold all of my consoles and video games because they were a distraction. I'm all in. Even if I do take a job, it's just a means to an end. It won't mean the dream has died.

    Will you support me in that dream for my future, mom?

  • Mom: Wow... uh...
  • [At this point her mind will be all scrambled up as she processes this information. She will probably begin by launching her biggest objections at you. If you played your cards well, you may have removed many of her objections before she has a chance to voice them, but she will still probably have a few left. (Tip: think through the objections she is likely to have, and weave in the counter-argument in your monologue above.) No matter what she says, look at it as "objection handling" in a sales pitch rather than an emotionally charged "she doesn't support me and she's trying to start an argument with me." So just patiently counter her objections, one by one.] Examples:
  • Mom: But why can't you go to college anyway? You could get a business degree and still pursue your dream of entrepreneurship later...
  • You: Yeah, but that's a recipe for me to end up $60,000 in debt and potentially clinically depressed like my sister. And college is not necessary. I can pursue my dream (and win) with or without a degree. So why would I saddle myself with all the debt, if I can go either way?
  • Mom: But that's not how the world works. In my generation, the people with degrees got white collar jobs. Everyone else got stuck in manual labor, blue-collar jobs. You don't want that.
  • You: The world is different now, mom. I realize that advice made sense for your generation. But it's just no longer the case. It used to be that ANY degree was a ticket to a good job. Employers used to select candidates with a college degree as a shortcut to getting a good employee. Now, a degree is meaningless. Employers know it. What matters in business is, can you produce something? Do you have a work ethic? Can you provide value?
  • Mom: But business owners are greedy monsters. You wouldn't want to be one of those people, would you?
  • You: I don't have to be. Owning a business doesn't automatically transform you into a selfish person. You know you've raised me better than that. What the world needs is more employers who have values and care about people. That's what I aim to be.
  • Mom: How do you know you're cut out for this? Isn't it unrealistic to think you can get there? What if you fail?
  • You: If other people can do this, why can't I? Didn't you say I could do anything I set my mind to? Yes, failure is a frequent companion of entrepreneurs. But every time I fail, I'm going to chalk it up as a lesson learned, pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going. Succeeding at entrepreneurship isn't about being born with a silver spoon in your mouth. It's not about being the smartest. It's not about the neighborhood you grew up in or the school you attended. It's about perseverance. It's about resilience. It's about finding a need and meeting that need. I can do that.
  • Etc. You get the picture.
  • Eventually, your mom will run out of objections. You've countered them all. At this point, she will have two choices. She will either be on board with you, supporting you and cheering you on, or she will throw up her hands in defeat and feel like you're going to go your own way regardless of what she says. You need to be ok with either outcome. You need to be prepared for a scenario where she doesn't support you until she sees the dollar bills flowing in. This may take years. It will be harder without her support, but you can still do it. You'll get there. She'll come around eventually. If she chooses not to support you, that doesn't say anything about you. It just says that she is unable to expand her thinking to admit a new idea that's outside of her current mold. Are you secure enough in yourself to face this potential outcome and still go forward? If so, respect. That's the first step in the journey of facing down whatever other obstacles you run into as an entrepreneur.
Hey, thank you so much for taking the time to help me with this. Atm I’m currently designing stickers to sell on Redbubble as a side hustle (not entrepreneurship just a side hustle.) I won’t give up on this. Earlier today my mom was complaining to her friend about how I’m crazy and how I don’t know what I’m doing. She seams to be frustrated that I haven’t told her exactly what I plan on doing (I’m still not 100% sure about what I’ll start with.) I’m 17 going into my junior year of high school, I understand why she’s skeptical. She thinks I’m just like my dad’s brother who did the same thing and gave up after his first Bussiness failure, who then retreated back to the slow lane. My dad passed away back in 2009 so it hurts being told I’m nothing like my hardworking, father. He was a good man. I’m not him and I will never give up on my dreams. I’d rather die trying than slowly rot away in a job for 50+ years. I will definitely try to convince her when I come up with a plan. She wants me to have a plan. Bussiness seams like a difficult thing to plan because it’s constantly changing but I will find a way. I’ll save my money in case things take a turn for the worst. Thank you for helping me, I really do appreciate it.
 

Sethamus

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
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My dad passed away back in 2009 so it hurts being told I’m nothing like my hardworking, father. He was a good man. I’m not him and I will never give up on my dreams.
Unfortunately you have no idea how close you resemble your father. You were too young and the people around you only attribute hard work with a slow lane job. If your father was alive today what would he say? As someone being noted as a hard worker do you think he would agree with what everyone thinks? Today probably so, as you have admitted little effort so far... However what if he saw the young man TOMORROW do what you said you are committed to doing? Possibly he would tell you that you are more like him than ANYONE thinks you are. You will never know his dreams or intentions, again sorry. For all you know though, you are EXACTLY like your father and a capable hard worker that was cut short of achieving his dreams and the fast lane lifestyle that you are also seeking. Entrepreneurship gets a bad wrap as someone wanting to get rich the easy way when it actually takes a lot more work and commitment than a 9-5 job. So please be more like your father and work hard.

EXTRA: I had 10-15 min to talk with @LightHouse at the summit and in that little time he had me realize the way I talk affects myself and everyone around me. SIMPLE CHANGES can affect the way you think about yourself and the way people react to around you.
 

Bekit

Platinum Contributor
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Hey, thank you so much for taking the time to help me with this. Atm I’m currently designing stickers to sell on Redbubble as a side hustle (not entrepreneurship just a side hustle.) I won’t give up on this. Earlier today my mom was complaining to her friend about how I’m crazy and how I don’t know what I’m doing. She seams to be frustrated that I haven’t told her exactly what I plan on doing (I’m still not 100% sure about what I’ll start with.) I’m 17 going into my junior year of high school, I understand why she’s skeptical. She thinks I’m just like my dad’s brother who did the same thing and gave up after his first Bussiness failure, who then retreated back to the slow lane. My dad passed away back in 2009 so it hurts being told I’m nothing like my hardworking, father. He was a good man. I’m not him and I will never give up on my dreams. I’d rather die trying than slowly rot away in a job for 50+ years. I will definitely try to convince her when I come up with a plan. She wants me to have a plan. Bussiness seams like a difficult thing to plan because it’s constantly changing but I will find a way. I’ll save my money in case things take a turn for the worst. Thank you for helping me, I really do appreciate it.
You're welcome. Glad it was helpful.

OK, so your mom wants you to have a plan.

But you're right, Business is hard to plan because things are constantly changing.

So I don't think that you should expect to have a DETAILED plan. And your mom shouldn't expect that, either.

If your plan was "college," she would be satisfied. Right now, you wouldn't have to see beyond the college application process. It's assumed that you'd figure that out.

If your plan was "military," it sounds like she would be satisfied with that, too. All you'd have to do for that plan would be to make the statement that you'd talk with a recruiter. And things would unfold from there.

So why can't your plan be "business" and leave it at that? It's only fair. Let her know that this is the path you're taking. For now, that means you'll be mowing lawns. You can make good money at that. And let things unfold from there.

You don't have to know 100% what you're going to do. That's unrealistic. What is realistic? You look around, scope out the landscape, look for problems, and pick one that you can solve. Along the way, new data comes in. You see new problems. You might pivot. Down the road, you might find yourself doing something that you didn't even know existed when you started down the path. The journey unfolds. You win when you consistently take the highest-leverage actions, the ones that move the needle the most.

"Go as far as you can, and when you get there, you will always be able to see further."

Also, I'm sorry that hurtful things have been said to you.

I think that the fact you're on this forum, asking for advice and making a plan, is PROOF that you ARE a hardworking guy who is determined to make things work. How many other people your age have sold their game consoles?

Your uncle's choices are in no way prophetic of your choices. Those were HIS choices.

You've got this. Take action. Keep moving.
 

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