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Where's the time to start something?

A post of a ranting nature...

ItsAJackal

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I get so mad at myself every day at how tired at I am night.

I've been getting up at 4:30 so I can exercise and try and be heathier. Then I get the kids ready and am off to work by 7:30. I don't leave work until around 6, then get home and spend time with family until they are asleep around 9pm. I typically then have 30 min-1 hour of more work I have to get done, and then I need to get to sleep by 10 to have a chance to get back up at 4:30 again.

When the hell am I supposed to start anything on the side? And if it's a skill I don't have yet (i.e. web design) I need to watch videos and take courses first to learn all this.

Today is my birthday, and it's another year I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to. I think my birthday is my least favorite day of the year because it reminds me of how I'm failing.
 
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BizyDad

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I get so mad at myself every day at how tired at I am night.

I've been getting up at 4:30 so I can exercise and try and be heathier. Then I get the kids ready and am off to work by 7:30. I don't leave work until around 6, then get home and spend time with family until they are asleep around 9pm. I typically then have 30 min-1 hour of more work I have to get done, and then I need to get to sleep by 10 to have a chance to get back up at 4:30 again.

When the hell am I supposed to start anything on the side? And if it's a skill I don't have yet (i.e. web design) I need to watch videos and take courses first to learn all this.

Today is my birthday, and it's another year I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to. I think my birthday is my least favorite day of the year because it reminds me of how I'm failing.
I used to feel this way on my birthdays too.

Don't lose the fire that drives you, but don't let the fires of anger consume you either. It sounds like you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. It sounds like you're mad about how nature works. Allow yourself some grace, especially on your birthday.

Can you get a job closer to home? Can you get a higher paying job or somehow work less hours? What about weekends? Can you develop a skill through listening to audiobooks instead of watching videos (making time in the car more productive)? Can you work out every other day, and work on your business every other day?

Me? I borrowed money to go back to school, which led to better paying jobs and on from there...

Your time will come. You'll find a way. I pray it comes this year. Happy birthday.
 
G

Guest-5ty5s4

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I get so mad at myself every day at how tired at I am night.

I've been getting up at 4:30 so I can exercise and try and be heathier. Then I get the kids ready and am off to work by 7:30. I don't leave work until around 6, then get home and spend time with family until they are asleep around 9pm. I typically then have 30 min-1 hour of more work I have to get done, and then I need to get to sleep by 10 to have a chance to get back up at 4:30 again.

When the hell am I supposed to start anything on the side? And if it's a skill I don't have yet (i.e. web design) I need to watch videos and take courses first to learn all this.

Today is my birthday, and it's another year I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to. I think my birthday is my least favorite day of the year because it reminds me of how I'm failing.
First of all, happy birthday :)

second, you managed to post this before 9 pm so give yourself a pat on the back because you’ve made some extra time for yourself.

Do you have a spouse? Maybe talking to them about this would help. Get on the same team and side about it and discuss what your goals are, maybe they will help accommodate you on this.

Next, you can try and tackle this financially. Why spending so much time at work? What bills do you have? What is all of your income (your job, spouses job, investment income, other income you might be getting). What savings do you have to rely on? Is there debt you could pay off?

If you have no debt, 6 months of expenses or more saved, or a spouse who works and earns enough to support the family, maybe you could reduce your work hours.

Maybe you should find a new job (that’s kind of drastic) - or maybe you should quit your job if you’re ready for that plunge and have the means to make it happen (see the personal finance questions above, especially spousal income)

All of these are good questions to answer and can help free you from needing to be so busy all the time. Then you will have more options.

Just some advice from a random stranger online, no guarantee of quality ;)
 

Actionfaker

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I get so mad at myself every day at how tired at I am night.

I've been getting up at 4:30 so I can exercise and try and be heathier. Then I get the kids ready and am off to work by 7:30. I don't leave work until around 6, then get home and spend time with family until they are asleep around 9pm. I typically then have 30 min-1 hour of more work I have to get done, and then I need to get to sleep by 10 to have a chance to get back up at 4:30 again.

When the hell am I supposed to start anything on the side? And if it's a skill I don't have yet (i.e. web design) I need to watch videos and take courses first to learn all this.

Today is my birthday, and it's another year I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to. I think my birthday is my least favorite day of the year because it reminds me of how I'm failing.
Happy Birthday! :)

I'm definitely not an expert, but these struggles sound very familiar to me. Last year I had almost the same schedule as you've described, and was proud of finally having built some discipline to have made a habit of waking up very early in spite of it being uncomfortable at the start. I felt like I was finally doing things right, but found out just eating much healthier than before and working out a lot, wasn't enough to be healthy and I should prioritize sleep, because I was so tired at night, just like you're describing. I read some books about it (Why We Sleep I think it was if you wanna freak yourself out about what not sleeping enough does to you and Sleep Smarter for a more positive focus on what you can do to improve it) and while it's still tough those definitely help.

So I'd recommend starting with your sleep to feel better in general (while keeping in enough movement during the day of course and not neglecting other things which are good for you) and, like other members have suggested, find ways to somehow save time: shorten your workout times and/or try to learn something while you're doing this or other activities. Also, saving (more) work for the last thing you do at night doesn't seem optimal to me as you probably won't be very productive to me.

Don't know if any of this helps for you, but in any case don't beat yourself up too much! A lack of effort definitely isn't the issue, just try to find some more time for yourself I'd say, good luck!
 
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G

Guest-5ty5s4

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Happy Birthday! :)

I'm definitely not an expert, but these struggles sound very familiar to me. Last year I had almost the same schedule as you've described, and was proud of finally having built some discipline to have made a habit of waking up very early in spite of it being uncomfortable at the start. I felt like I was finally doing things right, but found out just eating much healthier than before and working out a lot, wasn't enough to be healthy and I should prioritize sleep, because I was so tired at night, just like you're describing. I read some books about it (Why We Sleep I think it was if you wanna freak yourself out about what not sleeping enough does to you and Sleep Smarter for a more positive focus on what you can do to improve it) and while it's still tough those definitely help.

So I'd recommend starting with your sleep to feel better in general (while keeping in enough movement during the day of course and not neglecting other things which are good for you) and, like other members have suggested, find ways to somehow save time: shorten your workout times and/or try to learn something while you're doing this or other activities. Also, saving (more) work for the last thing you do at night doesn't seem optimal to me as you probably won't be very productive to me.

Don't know if any of this helps for you, but in any case don't beat yourself up too much! A lack of effort definitely isn't the issue, just try to find some more time for yourself I'd say, good luck!

When I was really into swimming (high school) my club coach told me that never missing practice was important, going to the gym was important, what you eat and drinking enough water are important, but the most important thing of all is getting enough sleep.

He was right! He trained one kid in the 90’s who had a national record (43-44 in the 100 free as a high schooler)

I wasn’t that good but the point is sleeping matters a lot
 

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Happy birthday.

I moved your question into its own thread because I think it is a terrific discussion, and a valid one as well.

The culprit in your life seems to be your job, since when you come home, you're still at your job doing work. Are you being paid a massive amount?
 

Cyberthal

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Yikes. This evidence suggests that diving into the entrepreneurial "Fastlane" headfirst with youthful enthusiasm is much like diving headfirst into the shallow end of the pool while drunk.

Before validating that business idea, it's more important to validate one's maturity with success at work and in a side project. Lots of ways to transition gradually to less employeement and greater autonomy.

In the Bible Joseph was a slave yet ran everything in Potiphar's house, which was good training for running Egypt. For one thing, he learned not to mouth off unless he had the upper hand.
 
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Mike Stoian

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Sounds like you're burned out. I can relate. I'm sure a lot of people here can relate.

It's important to realise how you're feeling and think about yourself in third person. If your friend was in your situation, what would you advice him? You would probably tell him that he shouldn't feel guilty for missing a day of work. That it's more important to setup a working routine that doesn't burn him out. You gotta realise if your routine is sustainable or not.

So take that time for yourself. Instead of working in your free time, maybe take a few days, or even weeks and just think about it. think about yourself. maybe read a book.

The most important work someone does in his life, or his business for that matter, is not on the goal itself, but rather on becoming the kind of person who can achieve that goal. The emotional work you do when just sitting there with yourself and thinking about your issues is way more powerful long term than another day of hustle towards the goal.

At least that's my 2 cents.
 

MattR82

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Downsize and get a job that gives you more free time?
 
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Boogie

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It takes 3 hours to work out and get the kids ready?

Can they ready themselves some?

Can you make their lunches on Sundays or while you're having family time the night before?

For web programming, you don't have to watch videos. You can also read books or web sites and you can right click a web page and then choose read source when you're on a site you like. Reading the source code other people create is a great way to learn the basics. Look up the terms you don't understand. Look at how it is structured.

Also, if you want to do web design, there is a lot of work that can be done with just wordpress. Plus it's an easy introduction. Install it. Pick a plugin and see how to modify a wordpress site easily. You can pick some free plugins first like the ones that it ships with. You'll be well on your way pretty quickly. Build a site for yourself.

You can get it installed in a night and be working with it the next night.
 

Seamster

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  1. Don't get up at 4:30, get up at 6:30. There's 2 hours you'll need for later. If you're leaving the house at 8 maybe you can alternate every other day to deal with the kids so you can sleep until 7:30. You can eat an apple on the way to work. See #8 below
  2. Don't eat breakfast at home unless if it's pure fruit or veggies. Since you're not going to be exercising as much you need to remove some calories from your diet.
  3. Sounds like you leave home at 8, work 9-6 with a 1 hour lunch, and get home at 7. Use your lunch hour to walk/jog to some place that will serve you food and coffee. This is your exercise. If this isn't possible, or suitable, exercise at lunch hour somewhere and bring your lunch. Walking is great exercise you don't need to be pumping iron or sweating. You don't have time to be a hunk.
  4. Don't drink coffee in the morning. Drink green tea when you get to work. The good Japanese stuff, not the American crap (I'm kind of an expert so message me if you want recommendations). Then you can can get healthier caffeine in lower doses to work hard in the AM before lunch, and all the while look forward to coffee at lunch. This will allow you to get more done in the morning at work as well as in the afternoon. You might drag the last 2 hours of work, but that's ok. DON'T HAVE MORE COFFEE. See below.
  5. Put sugar and cream in your 2nd cup of coffee at lunch. Or, have the second cup at 1:30 pm. This will satisfy your pallet, keep you feeling full longer, and satisfy your need for dessert. Brush your teeth and eat Greek yogert, spinach leaves, or grilled chicken breast when you get hungry in the afternoon. Again, keep the calories down. Digestion makes you tired as blood rushes from your brain to your stomach. Also, what are you eating for lunch? Bread and greasy food and sandwiches are bad. I eat 3 eggs, 2 small pieces of WHOLE WHEAT toast, and maybe side of broccoli or ham. This is 500-600 calories and keeps me full. Broccoli is so great and keeps you full for so long even if it isn't satisfying to eat.
  6. Talk to your boss about the 8 hour day being too long due to your kids' schedule. Maybe he'll let you work a bit less or else not take the lunch hour that you're not getting paid for. Or, maybe you can work 1.5 hours longer on Tue and Thu and leave 1 hour earlier Mon, Wed, and Fri (see #8 below)
  7. Use vacation days in half-day increments. Imagine all you could do if you got home at 1 pm twice a month on a Friday. Better yet, do Tue or Wed as you're less likely to slack off because it isn't the weekend. This will cost you only 12 vacation days per year. I like doing Monday because it makes Sunday less terrible knowing I only have a half day on Monday!
  8. See #1 and #6 above. You send the kids off to school on Mon, Wed, and Fri. Your wife does it Tue and Thu. You put them to bed in the evenings on Tue and Thu and she does it on Mon, Wed, and Fri.
Your new schedule:
  • Tue, Thu: Up at 7:30 to go to work. Wife preps kids in morn. Work until 7:30 pm and go home and put the kids to bed and drink beer and watch movie and talk to wife. Absolutely no work on your business these days.
  • Mon, Wed, Fri: Up at 6:30 to send kids to school. Work from 9 am to 5 pm and get home at 6 pm. Since you don't need to wake up until 7:30 am on Tue and Thur you now have 6 hours to work on your business after work and can sleep around midnight. And remember the no-coffee-after 2 pm rule? (see #5 above.) The time for more coffee is now, at around 7pm, to give you a boost of energy to work hard on Mon, Wed, and Fri evenings. Treat yourself to some delicious coffee on the drive home, maybe? You can afford it 3 times a week. Or, perhaps even talk to a psychiatrist and learn about Adderall or some of the invigorating, uplifting medical marijuana I've been hearing about.
  • Sat - Sun: You'll be awake 16-18 hours these days. 30 waking hours in a weekend. You'll need to spend 5-10 with family, 2 exercising, a few for chores, etc. You can easily squeeze 10 hours per weekend into your business.
Time gained for business: 15 hours/week weekdays + at least 10 hrs/wk weekends. You can do it!
 

kleine2

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I get so mad at myself every day at how tired at I am night.

I've been getting up at 4:30 so I can exercise and try and be heathier. Then I get the kids ready and am off to work by 7:30. I don't leave work until around 6, then get home and spend time with family until they are asleep around 9pm. I typically then have 30 min-1 hour of more work I have to get done, and then I need to get to sleep by 10 to have a chance to get back up at 4:30 again.

When the hell am I supposed to start anything on the side? And if it's a skill I don't have yet (i.e. web design) I need to watch videos and take courses first to learn all this.

Today is my birthday, and it's another year I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to. I think my birthday is my least favorite day of the year because it reminds me of how I'm failing.
It's a question of priorities
How important is it to you to start a business?
Versus keeping the job you are in?
Versus spending as much time as you do with your family?
Versus being in top physical fitness, versus good or ok physical fitness?
As you have realized there is only so much time in the day.
In order to make room for a business you will need to let go of something or some things and\or make some changes.
There are many different options mentioned above.
Is starting a business a priority for you?
If it is then it will need to warrant some changes and\or sacrifices in other areas.

Then decide on what business you are going to start.
It's much harder to make time for an abstract concept than for a real thing you are working on.
 
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mdot

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The time for more coffee is now, at around 7pm, to give you a boost of energy to work hard on Mon, Wed, and Fri evenings.
Perhaps a quick aerobic workout could substitute for coffee? Coffee has a half-life in the body of 12 hours, putting you at risk of reduced sleep quality. As @thechosen1 mentioned, getting enough sleep is super important but so is getting quality sleep.

Additionally, blue light exposure (such as light produced by a screen) before bed can also affect sleep quality. Consider wearing blue light blocking glasses to reduce the suppression of melatonin. If you really want to be sure of the effectiveness, you can buy laser safety glasses that block between 400-532nm. They'll be more expensive than the ones on Amazon but laser people don't cut corners with specs related to safety, so you know they'll block the light effectively. For example, this product (I have no affiliation with the company, mods can remove the link if it's not allowed).
 

ItsAJackal

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Sorry for the delay in responding, on top of everything else we had to move out of our house for 1.5 weeks while our floors were being redone due to a water heater leak.

And thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Can you get a job closer to home? Can you get a higher paying job or somehow work less hours? What about weekends? Can you develop a skill through listening to audiobooks instead of watching videos (making time in the car more productive)? Can you work out every other day, and work on your business every other day?

My job is currently 8 minutes from the house. It's extremely old school so they expect you to be there before 8 (or you don't care enough) and if your light is off by 5:30 a few days in a row you will be spoken to. Before COVID I was told "we do not work from home here." Unfortunately due to the nature of my job, I have to be in the office as I manage about 6 people out on a shop floor.

Do you have a spouse? Maybe talking to them about this would help. Get on the same team and side about it and discuss what your goals are, maybe they will help accommodate you on this.

I do have a spouse, she works from home and is running her own business. Most of the financial responsibility falls on me, as does insurance for the family and all that. We've talked about it before, and the only way she would support leaving a day job would be if the side job already made a similar amount of money. But of course I can't build that without finding the time.

So I'd recommend starting with your sleep to feel better in general (while keeping in enough movement during the day of course and not neglecting other things which are good for you) and, like other members have suggested, find ways to somehow save time: shorten your workout times and/or try to learn something while you're doing this or other activities. Also, saving (more) work for the last thing you do at night doesn't seem optimal to me as you probably won't be very productive to me.
With my short commute and the style of workout I do, I don't have a lot of mental "downtime" that I could listen to an audio book. I definitely do not have a job that I could zone out and listen to something while working. I am constantly on call and dealing with customer and/or co-workers.

I wasn’t that good but the point is sleeping matters a lot

I know you are correct, I keep hearing how important sleep is. It's just difficult to prioritize it when I have so many other things I want to accomplish and I don't know when else to do it.

The culprit in your life seems to be your job, since when you come home, you're still at your job doing work. Are you being paid a massive amount?

Not at all. I actually took this job just under 2 years ago because of the "potential" I was offered. Due to the nature of the world they have since pushed back any transition I was supposed to make, so I am making less than I have in my last 8 years of employment. The benefits/perks are also much worse.

Sounds like you're burned out. I can relate. I'm sure a lot of people here can relate.

It's important to realise how you're feeling and think about yourself in third person. If your friend was in your situation, what would you advice him? You would probably tell him that he shouldn't feel guilty for missing a day of work. That it's more important to setup a working routine that doesn't burn him out. You gotta realise if your routine is sustainable or not.

So take that time for yourself. Instead of working in your free time, maybe take a few days, or even weeks and just think about it. think about yourself. maybe read a book.

The most important work someone does in his life, or his business for that matter, is not on the goal itself, but rather on becoming the kind of person who can achieve that goal. The emotional work you do when just sitting there with yourself and thinking about your issues is way more powerful long term than another day of hustle towards the goal.

At least that's my 2 cents.

That's a good point. I would tell my friend (aka me) he's an idiot for staying where he is.

Downsize and get a job that gives you more free time?

I would if my wife was able to support us/contribute more. She handles a lot around the house when I'm not there.

  1. Don't get up at 4:30, get up at 6:30. There's 2 hours you'll need for later. If you're leaving the house at 8 maybe you can alternate every other day to deal with the kids so you can sleep until 7:30. You can eat an apple on the way to work. See #8 below
  2. Don't eat breakfast at home unless if it's pure fruit or veggies. Since you're not going to be exercising as much you need to remove some calories from your diet.
  3. Sounds like you leave home at 8, work 9-6 with a 1 hour lunch, and get home at 7. Use your lunch hour to walk/jog to some place that will serve you food and coffee. This is your exercise. If this isn't possible, or suitable, exercise at lunch hour somewhere and bring your lunch. Walking is great exercise you don't need to be pumping iron or sweating. You don't have time to be a hunk.
  4. Don't drink coffee in the morning. Drink green tea when you get to work. The good Japanese stuff, not the American crap (I'm kind of an expert so message me if you want recommendations). Then you can can get healthier caffeine in lower doses to work hard in the AM before lunch, and all the while look forward to coffee at lunch. This will allow you to get more done in the morning at work as well as in the afternoon. You might drag the last 2 hours of work, but that's ok. DON'T HAVE MORE COFFEE. See below.
  5. Put sugar and cream in your 2nd cup of coffee at lunch. Or, have the second cup at 1:30 pm. This will satisfy your pallet, keep you feeling full longer, and satisfy your need for dessert. Brush your teeth and eat Greek yogert, spinach leaves, or grilled chicken breast when you get hungry in the afternoon. Again, keep the calories down. Digestion makes you tired as blood rushes from your brain to your stomach. Also, what are you eating for lunch? Bread and greasy food and sandwiches are bad. I eat 3 eggs, 2 small pieces of WHOLE WHEAT toast, and maybe side of broccoli or ham. This is 500-600 calories and keeps me full. Broccoli is so great and keeps you full for so long even if it isn't satisfying to eat.
  6. Talk to your boss about the 8 hour day being too long due to your kids' schedule. Maybe he'll let you work a bit less or else not take the lunch hour that you're not getting paid for. Or, maybe you can work 1.5 hours longer on Tue and Thu and leave 1 hour earlier Mon, Wed, and Fri (see #8 below)
  7. Use vacation days in half-day increments. Imagine all you could do if you got home at 1 pm twice a month on a Friday. Better yet, do Tue or Wed as you're less likely to slack off because it isn't the weekend. This will cost you only 12 vacation days per year. I like doing Monday because it makes Sunday less terrible knowing I only have a half day on Monday!
  8. See #1 and #6 above. You send the kids off to school on Mon, Wed, and Fri. Your wife does it Tue and Thu. You put them to bed in the evenings on Tue and Thu and she does it on Mon, Wed, and Fri.
Your new schedule:
  • Tue, Thu: Up at 7:30 to go to work. Wife preps kids in morn. Work until 7:30 pm and go home and put the kids to bed and drink beer and watch movie and talk to wife. Absolutely no work on your business these days.
  • Mon, Wed, Fri: Up at 6:30 to send kids to school. Work from 9 am to 5 pm and get home at 6 pm. Since you don't need to wake up until 7:30 am on Tue and Thur you now have 6 hours to work on your business after work and can sleep around midnight. And remember the no-coffee-after 2 pm rule? (see #5 above.) The time for more coffee is now, at around 7pm, to give you a boost of energy to work hard on Mon, Wed, and Fri evenings. Treat yourself to some delicious coffee on the drive home, maybe? You can afford it 3 times a week. Or, perhaps even talk to a psychiatrist and learn about Adderall or some of the invigorating, uplifting medical marijuana I've been hearing about.
  • Sat - Sun: You'll be awake 16-18 hours these days. 30 waking hours in a weekend. You'll need to spend 5-10 with family, 2 exercising, a few for chores, etc. You can easily squeeze 10 hours per weekend into your business.
Time gained for business: 15 hours/week weekdays + at least 10 hrs/wk weekends. You can do it!

I've gotta take some time to read through that, there's definitely some good ideas in here.


Thank you all for the support and ideas. I just have a lot of regrets through my life as I'm sure most of us do. This job I'm at now has not worked out at all in terms of money or and I'm also working harder than I've ever had to work at a job before.

I just wanted to rant and vent because I don't like birthdays anymore. Every year I make a "goal" list, and every year I feel like I don't accomplish 1/2 the things I want to.

Anyway, thank you all again. I definitely didn't expect this type of a response.
 

Kevin88660

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It's a question of priorities
How important is it to you to start a business?
Versus keeping the job you are in?
Versus spending as much time as you do with your family?
Versus being in top physical fitness, versus good or ok physical fitness?
As you have realized there is only so much time in the day.
In order to make room for a business you will need to let go of something or some things and\or make some changes.
There are many different options mentioned above.
Is starting a business a priority for you?
If it is then it will need to warrant some changes and\or sacrifices in other areas.

Then decide on what business you are going to start.
It's much harder to make time for an abstract concept than for a real thing you are working on.
Yes. I think this is the crux of the issue.

Op wanted to be a good father, a good staff and a health enthusiast. Business is a good to have but not essential at the moment.

There got to be some sacrifice and risk.

One way is to find someone who has time and skill but not money to start off to partner with, provided you could trust the person.
 
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Well, just reading about your struggles and all the great replies, makes me really root for your success, even though I don't even know you.
I know things can suck and seem really hard, but try to really define for yourself what you want out of life and then break down what steps are needed for this. For example: getting a job with more downtime might not be easy, but have you really thought through how you could achieve this? No one's saying it will be easy, but try to really define what you want, what steps will get you there and then take those steps. Don't let yourself and your wife off the hook too easily, this is no small thing you're talking about, it's your lives.
Also, what good has seeing your past as regrets done for you? Why don't you try to think of it as lessons and something that can help you from now on.

Note: none of this is to criticize you (you're probably a lot more successful than I am), just trying to help because I get it.
 

BlindSide

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Not at all. I actually took this job just under 2 years ago because of the "potential" I was offered. Due to the nature of the world they have since pushed back any transition I was supposed to make, so I am making less than I have in my last 8 years of employment. The benefits/perks are also much worse.

There's a big issue. Do you still see potential for growth?

If not, what skills do you have that you can use to land a higher paying job? Bonus points if you can do it remote.
 

JustmeSD

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I get so mad at myself every day at how tired at I am night.

I've been getting up at 4:30 so I can exercise and try and be heathier. Then I get the kids ready and am off to work by 7:30. I don't leave work until around 6, then get home and spend time with family until they are asleep around 9pm. I typically then have 30 min-1 hour of more work I have to get done, and then I need to get to sleep by 10 to have a chance to get back up at 4:30 again.

When the hell am I supposed to start anything on the side? And if it's a skill I don't have yet (i.e. web design) I need to watch videos and take courses first to learn all this.

Today is my birthday, and it's another year I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to. I think my birthday is my least favorite day of the year because it reminds me of how I'm failing.
Happy Birthday!
I was in a similar position working for a giant corp in a quite high position. And i wasint’t that exhausted, but i saw that it will destroy me. They even planned for me to move to another country, without asking me first:) I’ve quit. I don’t advice you to suddenly quit, but listen:
When you leave work, you’ll leave your work at work. You allow whoever it is to push you. To send you tasks, emails...
Stop that.
If you’re working after work means you’re either ineficient at work, or you are too efficient and they pass you more tasks. You are allowing this to happen. You can stop it.
Sleeping only few h/night is not necessarily the path to success. If you’re exhausted each day...how can you focus on anything?At work, at home, on a new opportunity?
You life style is not how it should. Do something about it! If you don’t start helping yourself, who will? Set a bettee example for your kids, as your behaviour is SCRIPTING them, into your lifestyle! Or, who knows, maybe they will hate it so much that they will avoid it when they grow up. Cmon, YOU can do it!
 
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ItsAJackal

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There's a big issue. Do you still see potential for growth?

If not, what skills do you have that you can use to land a higher paying job? Bonus points if you can do it remote.

It would be 5-7 years down the road. The biggest issue is that I'm stuck in this "temporary" role, with no change to transition until at least 2022. And then at that point, it is a completely new position that they expect me to build. Building a client base and getting big projects moving will take at least 2-3 years.

So currently I am sitting at a yearly W2 that is the smallest I've seen since 2013. In 2022, my salary will actually be cut in half but I will be "eligible" for the bonus structure. There is a lot to explain behind it, but basically I will be on the same comp plan that every other sales person is on but my customer base is vastly different in terms of how they order product.

The more I type this out and read all of the suggestions, I think I chased the "potential" at this company but that is only achieved by a select few. And they are in different roles than I will be. I don't think this is the right spot for me anymore.
 

JustmeSD

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It would be 5-7 years down the road. The biggest issue is that I'm stuck in this "temporary" role, with no change to transition until at least 2022. And then at that point, it is a completely new position that they expect me to build. Building a client base and getting big projects moving will take at least 2-3 years.

So currently I am sitting at a yearly W2 that is the smallest I've seen since 2013. In 2022, my salary will actually be cut in half but I will be "eligible" for the bonus structure. There is a lot to explain behind it, but basically I will be on the same comp plan that every other sales person is on but my customer base is vastly different in terms of how they order product.

The more I type this out and read all of the suggestions, I think I chased the "potential" at this company but that is only achieved by a select few. And they are in different roles than I will be. I don't think this is the right spot for me anymore.
GradyS, I see an issue in your language: I think I chased the "potential" at this company but that is only achieved by a select few. Not true. As I don't know your situation in detail, I won't insist on that. What I do want to say, is, avoid thinking like that related to other opportunities. Like starting a business or even another job. If that job could make you gain free time to use it to grow a new business.
No change to transition until at least 2022...? You're looking at just one solution. Have you tried to imagine other solutions? Not validate them, just think about them. You know, for example, there's a guy we know that dared to move from a cloudy depressing environment to a sunny spot:) A solution that he never even considered as being a good idea...
The good thing I see here is that it's obvious you've had it. Could this be your FTE?
 

Johnny boy

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This is why I don't have a job, wife, kids, pet, or even an indoor plant I'd need to water. I spend the necessary time on my business and don't know what to do from the hours of noon to 9pm.

Why not quit your job or get a job that's part time?
 
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Thinh

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Why not quit your job or get a job that's part time?

If you know how to feed a whole family without a job (and without one's own profitable business, which is OP's situation), I wanna know!
 

BlindSide

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It would be 5-7 years down the road. The biggest issue is that I'm stuck in this "temporary" role, with no change to transition until at least 2022. And then at that point, it is a completely new position that they expect me to build. Building a client base and getting big projects moving will take at least 2-3 years.

So currently I am sitting at a yearly W2 that is the smallest I've seen since 2013. In 2022, my salary will actually be cut in half but I will be "eligible" for the bonus structure. There is a lot to explain behind it, but basically I will be on the same comp plan that every other sales person is on but my customer base is vastly different in terms of how they order product.

The more I type this out and read all of the suggestions, I think I chased the "potential" at this company but that is only achieved by a select few. And they are in different roles than I will be. I don't think this is the right spot for me anymore.
You should keep this thread going Grady. Send updates. What feedback have these posts given you, do you currently see a different path you could take emerging? If not, what's the struggle?

This thread could be the start of the change you want. I'm serious, you have received good engagement here. Keep turning the wheels. You're in sales? What about making a move to tech sales as a SDR? Outside sales? Has to be other higher paying jobs, and if it sales, you definitely could be remote.
 

Kid

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Maybe all above answers are good but there's only one that is correct to you:
do something that requires little time.
 
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Johnny boy

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If you know how to feed a whole family without a job (and without one's own profitable business, which is OP's situation), I wanna know!
I'm definitely not having kids until I'm worth 30 mil or more, from what I see it turns you into an excuse maker.
 

Thinh

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I'm definitely not having kids until I'm worth 30 mil or more, from what I see it turns you into an excuse maker.
Depends on the person. An excuse maker will find excuses at 25, single or 40 and 3 kids, no difference.
And I believe someone who just gets their shit together will do so, no matter the circumstances.

Actually, writing this, I think it can even be an accelerator. If someone's not cut for the entrepreneur journey, they might as well stop losing time and start a family (if they have the desire).
On the other hand, it shouldn't stop someone to try whatever they want.

Ofc it's easier when you have no responsibilities (outside yourself).
 

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