What's with the negativity?

[Unknown]

My first post took such a beating that I deleted everything and then changed the title. This in turn took it's own beating, lol.

I try to be nice to everyone, but I'm not on every day either. Some of the questions can be answered with a simple search, but there's no reason to be mean about it. A simple "try the search function" would suffice.

I would still be searching if @Vigilante didn't share every detail of how to start my own business though. Some of us need our hand held at the beginning, even though many of you don't.

 

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[Andy Black]

1) I was brought up hearing "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything."

2) To retain my sanity, and add more value, I create lots of little threads so I can link to the appropriate one rather than keep writing something out. Repeating myself doesn't get tiring then.

3) I was told a great story when I was training to be an Athletics Coach, oh, about 25 years ago. It's relevant and *always* on my mind when I have a choice about how to respond to someone. I have been meaning to write it up for months so will finally do so ... and then come back here and link to it.

4) Finally, the mind boggles at how MJ, @Vigilante, and @AllenCrawley stay sane and keep on top of such a busy forum. They have to read the threads we don't want to. How they keep so patient and courteous is beyond me. So massive thanks guys.

 

[jon.a]

4) Finally, the mind boggles at how MJ, @Vigilante, and @AllenCrawley stay sane and keep on top of such a busy forum. They have to read the threads we don't want to. How they keep so patient and courteous is beyond me. So massive thanks guys.

Speaking of Mods. I nominate you. I think you would make a great addition to the team.

 

[Get Right]

Things I've noticed over my short tenure here:

1. When the seasoned fastlaners post high quality threads - the nonsense threads subside a bit. Be the change (and get some more old guys to come back and tell their stories).
2. The mods do one he$l of a job here. I rarely contact them but each time the issue was addressed that day. Hats off to @AllenCrawley , @Vigilante and certainly @MJ DeMarco .
3. There will always be a little perceived negativity because TMF teaches us about TIME. As we begin to honor our own TIME we develop a disdain for people that abuse that TIME. You show me someone working hard to ask the best questions they can and I'll show you a fastlaner giving TIME to help them.
4. I didn't change anything significant until I received some tough love here. I love when I see it handed out because they probably saved somebody 1 year or better of candy coating (even if they leave).
5. BTW - Thread title is negative, show us those copy skills

 

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[sija1]

And again you have to remember in an Entrepreneur forum you're going to find a lot of Entj's Estj's, Intj's. Studying personalities a lot lately from Meyer's Brigg's, Socionics, and Keirsey, I can see the difference in the way we do things from other types of personalities.

I see quite often that you mention types of personalities. Are there any specific books that you are reading? What could you say about ENTP's?

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Speaking of Mods. I nominate you. I think you would make a great addition to the team.

@Andy Black -- you open to this? The mods and I think you would be a great addition.

 

[Andy Black]

@Andy Black -- you open to this? The mods and I think you would be a great addition.

Would love to help you guys in whatever capacity I can.

Honoured to even be considered. Wow.

 

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[Mattie]

I see quite often that you mention types of personalities. Are there any specific books that you are reading? What could you say about ENTP's?

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0960695400/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
http://academic.regis.edu/rlumpp/PDF files/Portrait of an ENTP.pdf
https://www.iusb.edu/career-services/mbti-pdfs/ENTP.pdf
https://casc.byu.edu/sites/casc.byu.edu/files/ENTP.pdf
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1430328150/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

I'd stick with original sources or educational, psychoogical sources, because it's like a hot niche really people are talking about and making their own books and stuff and not fully understanding it all so I've notices in forums and groups. Like Keirsey states on the video Meyers Brigg was a different approach than his father's, and socionics is a different look too. I think they all can give you depth and look from a different angle.

I really enjoyed this one as well.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Color-Code-Yourself-Relationships/dp/068484376

 

[Vigilante]

Would love to help you guys in whatever capacity I can.

Honoured to even be considered. Wow.

You were on the short list a long time ago.

The pay sucks, and so do the benefits.

The upside is you get to see a lot of the shit that happens behind the scenes.

The downside is you get to see a lot of the shit that happens behind the scenes.

People are freaks.

We've had mods with Andys temperament before, and quite frankly we probably need him.

Keep some things in check. Keep my negativity somewhat stifled.

Because... I think you're all a bunch of a'holes.

But Andy you would get a "staff member" badge. Free.

 

[sija1]

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0960695400/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
http://academic.regis.edu/rlumpp/PDF files/Portrait of an ENTP.pdf
https://www.iusb.edu/career-services/mbti-pdfs/ENTP.pdf
https://casc.byu.edu/sites/casc.byu.edu/files/ENTP.pdf
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1430328150/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

I'd stick with original sources or educational, psychoogical sources, because it's like a hot niche really people are talking about and making their own books and stuff and not fully understanding it all so I've notices in forums and groups. Like Keirsey states on the video Meyers Brigg was a different approach than his father's, and socionics is a different look too. I think they all can give you depth and look from a different angle.

I really enjoyed this one as well.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Color-Code-Yourself-Relationships/dp/068484376

Thank you very much Mattie! [emoji4]

Sent from my SGH-M919V using Tapatalk

 

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[TonyStark]

Join the INSIDERS, there's a lot less negativity going on in there.

 

[Andy Black]

3) I was told a great story when I was training to be an Athletics Coach, oh, about 25 years ago. It's relevant and *always* on my mind when I have a choice about how to respond to someone. I have been meaning to write it up for months so will finally do so ... and then come back here and link to it.

As promised... I've just written up that story here.

 

[OVOvince]

unfortunately there will always be bitter wolf rejects among us but they arent bad people.

they might be just venting or projecting frustration and insecurities on this place without even knowing it.

 

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[fastattack03]

@@Andy Black -- you open to this? The mods and I think you would be a great addition.

I vote for Andy Black!

And yes, I agree with OP. There has been a lot of negativity here lately.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

There has been a lot of negativity here lately.

Not anymore bro! Shit's gonna get real positive now!!!

Follow your passion!

Do what you love!

Pick color of Ferrari!

Yippee aiiyeaaah!!

 

[LightHouse]

I just say negative things until I get a laugh from @GlobalWealth then move on... These days it's pretty easy, so I'm not around much.


In a positive light I hope MJ can flex the "discourage user" button as much as needed. I think the people that are doers are out doing, and the wannabes stick around posting meme after meme to pass time. The members that need real help, get out from what I've seen. (Although I haven't read anything new in a while?)

 

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[fastattack03]

Not anymore bro! Shit's gonna get real positive now!!!

Follow your passion!

Do what you love!

Pick color of Ferrari!

Yippee aiiyeaaah!!

Hahaha. Love it!

 

[Unknown]

View attachment 10538

I didn't feel the positivity until I saw the rainbow unicorn

 

[Imgal]

I have to admit if I see a post that is just basically asking someone to give them all the answers and not do a darn thing I basically just ignore it. It's not my personality to be really negative towards other people, but having said that when others have done it to me I don't think once they've been wrong. Sure, they could have said it in a different, softer way, but honestly I'm not sure for people with entrepreneurial spirit that always works.

By nature, it feels like we have something of a warrior mentality... that we are at our best when we are under attack (whether that be a harsh forum comment, an obstacle we have to overcome to move or business forward etc) and I think harsh criticism can help with that. It gets me at least amped to prove the person wrong ... or perhaps a more honest response would be it gets me amped to improve so I'm at a point I can prove them wrong.

I definitely don't think we should be sarcastic and cruel for the sake of it, but entrepreneurs do need to develop a hard skin and I'm much prefer someone spent 10 minutes ranting at me about what I'm doing wrong and motivated me to take action than someone tell it's all good and great and I end up pushing ahead with something that really was the waste of time people assumed, but didn't want to hurt my feelings.

 

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[SteveO]

I just say negative things until I get a laugh from @GlobalWealth then move on...

How is it possible to be positive with that AVATAR?

 

[DtRockstar1]

I think there is a fine line between tough love and just being rude. I, for one, am not a fan of the tough love approach. To me, it often comes off as arrogant rather than compassionate (especially when it's all in text). It feels berating, not motivating. It causes people to beat themselves up over mistakes, and we have to make mistakes! Everyone responds to different approaches. Personally I don't think giving the newbies a verbal bitch slap is a very constructive method.

Ever seen the Geico commercial where the guy says, "Does a former drill sergeant make a terrible therapist?" That's how I feel about the tough love approach.

Chris

 

[Konilim]

I don't remember who launched it but there was a post where someone was saying that we should aim at keeping our number of likes received greater than our number of messages. I think that's a great idea because it shows the value we are bringing to this community and also if you really want to keep this ratio, you will ask yourself before posting whether what you are about to post is really going to get you the "likes" that show that you are adding something to the topic.
Let's see how many people thinks that's a good idea

We definitely shouldn't be critical without purpose, but I don't have much time for a self affirming back rubbing session. Progress is made through tension and directed criticism, rather than complacency. Some people who post want that, but they would be better off getting assurances from their friends.

 

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[jon.a]

I just need a hug.

 

[SteveO]

I just need a hug.

You look like you just need a hug.... I'm only an hour and a half away from you now if you get desperate.

 

[Vigilante]

I just need a hug.

Talk to M.

 

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[ZCP]

'stache hugs could be the next pet rock!

 

[Unknown]

I just need a hug.

Are you sure 1 is enough. We might need to do a survey.

 

[AllenCrawley]

I think there is a fine line between tough love and just being rude. I, for one, am not a fan of the tough love approach. To me, it often comes off as arrogant rather than compassionate (especially when it's all in text). It feels berating, not motivating. It causes people to beat themselves up over mistakes, and we have to make mistakes! Everyone responds to different approaches. Personally I don't think giving the newbies a verbal bitch slap is a very constructive method.

Ever seen the Geico commercial where the guy says, "Does a former drill sergeant make a terrible therapist?" That's how I feel about the tough love approach.

Chris

You said everyone responds differently but in the next sentence you say tough love isn't a good method? It may not be a good method for you but don't make the general assumption that's it not good for anyone. Thank God for those that dished out tough love throughout my life. It has played no small part in where I'm at and where I'm going. Thank God for the tough love givers of this forum that have never sugar coated things with me. You all know who you are. Thank you.

 

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[DtRockstar1]

You said everyone responds differently but in the next sentence you say tough love isn't a good method? It may not be a good method for you but don't make the general assumption that's it not good for anyone. Thank God for those that dished out tough love throughout my life. It has played no small part in where I'm at and where I'm going. Thank God for the tough love givers of this forum that have never sugar coated things with me. You all know who you are. Thank you.

Sorry, I noticed that I wasn't specific enough. Tough love can be helpful for someone who is being lazy and not getting up and doing something, but I don't think it's the right approach to use on someone who is frustrated, at their wits end, on the verge of giving up, or depressed. I've had people give me a hard time when I was in those states, and I just wanted to punch their lights out. As if I wasn't frustrated enough, now I need someone in my face telling me I'm not trying hard enough? By using tough love, they were basically stating that I wasn't trying hard enough when I was actually giving it my all.

It's especially harmful to use it on someone who is going through depression. Telling a depressed person to "snap out of it" is like saying "don't be scared" to someone who is being held at gunpoint. A depressed person doesn't need to be told that they are screwed up. All it does is twist the knife.

I just think there is a time and place for it, and some people don't know where NOT to use it. I've read books and seen public speakers who try using that approach, and there are some people who use it constructively and people respect them for it. But there was one guy in particular who said he believed in tough love, but he just sounded like a total jerk. I think I have this view of tough love because I've had some bad experiences with it. I do believe there is a time and place for it, but not for every situation.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Imgal]

It's especially harmful to use it on someone who is going through depression. Telling a depressed person to "snap out of it" is like saying "don't be scared" to someone who is being held at gunpoint. A depressed person doesn't need to be told that they are screwed up. All it does is twist the knife.

I am with you 110% with you on this. If anyone feels like they might be having mental health issues I always recommend that they speak with a medical practitioner. Just like your physical health isn't something that should be missed around with, I equally believe that with mental health. I, for one, am always willing to be an ear to someone who feels like they are struggling and try to guide them however best I can.

While I can't speak for everyone I'm basically going to anyway.. There are always going to be trolls and exceptions, but for the majority I truly believe that anyone who takes the time to formulate an answer to try and reverse the way you're currently thinking isn't trying to be cruel or hurtful. I would suggest it's actually the complete opposite. It is a lot easier to just click the back button and ignore a post. To take the time to formulate a post and try to help someone think differently (whether that thought be right or wrong) shows that person cares.... it shows they really want to help someone progress. I would take any of you laughing at me and picking apart the idea I thought was awesome at 3am any day over all the "yes" people who will tell me I'm a genius, awesome and wow what a great idea when really they're just too caught up in not trying to hurt my feelings.

The truth is to be successful you do need drive and passion, but emotion can kill your progress. Taking words as advice and not as personal attacks is the biggest lessons I've learnt in this game. I recognise in a depressive state, whether that be situational or chemical, that this however is not so black and white and I honestly would suggest for those struggling that perhaps while you are getting back on track that this may not be the right environment for you. People here care. People want to help, but we are mental health professionals and so we don't have the tools to help people in the way they may need it and to use the forum to try and find that in these cases I would suggest is actually quite dangerous.