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NOTABLE! REAL resources on self image and self belief

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Fox

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What are the best resources you have USED to make real change in your self-belief and self-image?

I am not referring to the "ya that makes sense" type of material, but something you read or listened to that real lasting impact. Literally changed your life and how you view yourself.

Self-image is such an important part of success that I would really like to see what others on here could recommend.

Also if you don't particularly recommend ANY resource but rather some form of action (or both) definitely chime in too.
 

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Fid

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1. Psychotherapy and coaching ← worked wonders for me

2. Following a mentor/authority – a podcast, blog, course, YT channel... Even if it's a sales funnel of some kind, I have a handful of people who I've been following that tremendously changed my life. The closer I could get (read an article → write a forum post → write an email → speak 1 on 1) the more impact it would have.

Sure, one video/episode = 'ya that makes sense'. It's the following the 'mentor' for some time that gave me the bigger picture and deeper understanding. And thus, changed my life.
 

rpeck90

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I have tons.

The first one is to learn to love it. Most people hate huge portions of their life. They ascribe it to being in the wrong job/body/time period. The truth is that you've not succumbed to the "process" and are basically resisting change. If you truly want to succeed, I have found no better way than to become completely besotted with the process of meeting people, talking about business and yearning to grow. Be it sales, programming or anything.

The second one is that I went on my own mental Odyssey back in the day. Rather than worrying about survival, I started looking at what I'd do if I had it all. I started looking at models, houses, castles and shit. I pinned it all in my Pinterest and made a commitment to only indulge in that stuff. If I wanted a watch, I'd buy the watch I wanted, not some shitty fake one. The key would then be to build out a business/infrastructure to facilitate the purchase of this stuff. This is the castle I wanted to buy. Federica Nargi was the girl and Tom Ford was the style. I don't really care about cars, but I wanted to do this. I wanted my legacy to be a bunch of zoological projects around the world (protect certain species) and I want my company - FL - to be able to just do amazing shit all day long, and have people want to buy it.

The third one is to focus on your own business. I am naturally quite averse to drawing attention to myself. Whilst I don't consider myself an introvert, I do not like the majority of people knowing about what I'm doing. So I often hide behind ideas/other people. Whilst I still do this, I've been working on addressing it -- all the best guys have a single business and push it fervently. This is partly where my "branding" ideas came from -- what would a perfect company look like if I wanted to promote it.
 

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As cliche as it sounds, surround yourself with people you aspire to be like in real life. Success by osmosis is a legitimate strategy, but I found it doesn't work with skype chats or other online groups.

One of my friends makes close to half a million a year, and he still offers his time for free to an investment mogul worth 100M. By physically going to his office and getting him coffee. He's on track to triple his revenue this year, after stagnating for the past couple of months.

I equate it to learning a new language. No matter how many books or videos you consume, nothing beats the progress of actively living in the country.
 

Tiago

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To me, as contradictory as it might seem, was to put my focus off from the self.

I've realized that the more time I spend with the magnifier glass on myself, the more aware of my self-image I am. And the more I spend the magnifier glass on other people, helping them and loving them, the less my self-image mattered to me.

I don't know if this is what you're looking for, but The Untethered Soul was a complete life-change for me, and also this podcast by Steve Chandler
 

SamRussell

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PsycoCybernetics is a great book on self image. It helps you understand how your actions are driven by your self image, some common misconceptions around the topic, and how we can start to change our self image.

One tool I've been using recently is trying to be ruthlessly rational with what I read. So many people spout bromides as if they were facts, regurgitate ideas having never considered them, and assume something to be a fact because they read it somewhere.

Asking myself, "what's the causal relationship here?", "based on what data?" and "why?" have been helpful.
 

Adelaide

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Self-awareness - I invested in reading books, listening to podcasts, articles, events.. anything that would give me greater understanding of my own personality and tendencies. I use the info to hack myself. Eg, if there's a 'shiny bright objection', I think strategically if it'll work for or against my goals and with/against my personality.

Some specific tools that have helped me:
1) Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin. This book is about habits and how people deal with expectations. It started a chain reaction that had me reading hundreds of other professional development books. But it began with Better Than Before.
2) Personality assessments; MBTI and Gallups Strength Finder. I've done lots but these have been most helpful to me.
3) Coaching with Andrew Sloan - I've done loads of coaching (lots of crap out there), however the best coach for me is a guy named Andrew Sloan who I video-chat with. Why? I GET RESULTS. My personal and professional growth has exponentially due to my conversations with Andrew. Yes, I pay him $$ but this $$ has come back to me in results. I've seen him for years. He is NOT a business coach.

Using self-awareness, I notice that my self belief and self image is positively impacted when I take the following actions:
- Get up at 5am (not for everyone, but for me it's key)
- Exercise most days (helps with anxiety, fitness, mental alertness, mood, energy levels)
- Discipline muscle (I work this out. How? By getting up at 5am and hitting the gym! Discipline keeps me from eating crap food, wasting time, getting lazy etc)
- My phone is ALWAYS on silent (How does this help self belief/image? Well, I am not reactive to every ping/email/notification. I choose my priorities and action them BEFORE others tell me theirs. As in, when I check my phone/email/socials, it's because I choose to. I am in control.)
- Phone on flight mode until 7-8am (The first few hours of the day are audio-books, articles, business stuff, gym, positive things... no outside influences. I choose what I put into my mind to start my day off right.)
- Read often (5 mins here, 10 mins there, occasionally 1-2 hours in one sitting. But I am always learning, thinking, digesting information to push me to grow and think differently.)
 

Primeperiwinkle

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Hmm. Such a great question. It’s one I’ve wondered about for a long time. What changes ppl? But the way you’ve phrased it is slightly different.

I’ve changed a LOT over the years... and books have been a big part of that.. but.. it was the people who did the most.

I think God sent me people to love, in my own limited way at whatever time in life I met them.

And.

I think God sent people to love me, in a way I could accept at whatever time in life I met them.

I know that’s not extremely helpful but.. I’m writing this because, ironically enough, your recent email admitting your failure encouraged me a lot. It rang true. I really screwed up the last few months and yet, I think it could end up being the best thing ever, because it made me want to figure out the problem the right way?

Maybe because I’ve followed you here or.. I don’t know but.. your email was something specific this week that made me want to try again, pivot clearly, care about others.

I’ve been deeply affected by many self-help books or novels or poetry or classes over the years but the people who gave me the books, read them with me, argued about characters or concepts, listened while I complained.. those are the convos that helped change my life. Thousands of conversations.

I think real change takes people caring and listening and asking questions like this.
 

FierceRacoon

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(1) Nothing will change you overnight. Eckharte Tolle's story of an instantaneous transformation is misleading in this sense. I've had a few such transformative moments, but even then, there were years of follow-up efforts to integrate the changes.

(2) Don't listen to people who've just read a book or finished a seminar. They feel excited and rationalize it's amazing. Ask for something people have read 3-5 years ago or have been practicing for 3-5 years.

(3) People also misattribute what has made great changes in their lives. I know a guy who has been practicing a certain form of meditation for 15 years. I believe it helped him a lot in the beginning; at this point it seems more like a handicap, as he's convinced he'd be exhausted or crazy without it. Even if it's true for him, you may not need it. For example, I have mild asthma, so e.g. the Wim Hof method is helping me to breathe easier, which does not make it as useful for you.

(4) Even long-term, many people overvalue what has helped them. E.g. somebody goes from no-purpose to moderate achievement, or from depression to occasional joy, and they think that Tony Robbins or vipassana retreats are the best thing since sliced bread. Just as science can be taken dogmatically as religion, so e.g. yoga can be taken dogmatically as a kind of a SlowLane. I love yoga, and I was certified as a yoga teacher myself; just saying that many people teach it, basically, to have fun themselves (which I also did).
It's a bit like with investment advisors who are not rich, but are teaching you how to invest: yoga teachers who are not happy or fulfilled, not particularly mindful or aware, are teaching you how to do same. (Some are amazing, and also the difference is that, unlike the investment advisors, they are teaching you a fundamentally solid strategy. Besides, yoga is so good for your body that it has benefit either way.)

------

Now what did help. What helped was learning from people - through private classes, mentorship, coaching.
Remember, it's a process, not an event? All of them have told me that I had learned more than just about anybody else, despite typically starting from a lower level. It turns out, most people don't have what it takes, or at least are sufficiently entrenched in their current way of thinking to make teaching very difficult.

Either way, you need a process and repetition if you are serious about getting results. You know how people tell you to save 10%? Try instead spending 10% on your own growth. I am personally close to 30% and have been this way for many years, though the amount has increased. I've completed my Ph.D. in 2010; since then, I've spent about $150K on my own learning, mostly on group or private classes, always less then $100/hour. So we are talking thousands of hours of guided instruction, often private. Similarly, find a track and follow it. If you are into meditation, find a teacher or join a society -- or commit on your own -- and do it consistently. You can join a martial arts school or go learn some painting, or some sales, or public speaking, and do it on a regular basis, and improve through the years.

The thing is, your mind has something called "myelin", which is an insulation around the connections in your brain. It takes time to myelinate connections and change them into superhighways. So unless you experience a shock, change is slow; even if you *do* experience a shock as the case was with Eckharte Tolle, that would still take years of refinement.

Lastly, self-image does not change from reading books nor even therapy. It comes from DOING things. Books, therapy, journaling can plant seeds into you, but the seeds take root only when you change the way you act based on those seeds.
Self-beliefs change from reference experiences. For example, the belief that you can live without a 9-5 job comes when you actually have enough income from a business or part-time gigs, or some other activities. (A business that is not a FastLane can still help change your mindset.) No book can do it for you. Furthermore, you have to be doing DIFFICULT things.

Example: today go to Starbucks and ask for a free coffee. For no reason. Do not say it's a social experiment, just ask because you want to. You can say you thought there was a promotion, or something along those lines. If they say "no", try reasoning with them at least a second time. Call your internet provider and ask, if there's any way to lower your bill. This is the kind of stuff that changes your self-image, when you do it at scale, not reading books.

Without guidance from another human, there's almost no chance that books will change you. You need guidance and hard accountability. Financial leverage can work wonders -- certainly did for me -- such as if you don't do X, you lose Y dollars. (E.g. if you committed to doing something every single day for 40 days in a row and missed a day, you have to donate $200 to charity. $200 was a leverage amount that worked for me, but you may need more or less.)
 

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Siddhartha

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My Two Biggest secrets, yours for free:

-Living and reflecting

-Jiu-jitsu and exercise

Before Jiu-jitsu, I was stuck in a loop that was grinding my soul to dust and reducing me to a non-human.
The Pain, the growth, and the brotherhood I found in jiu-jitsu kickstarted a F*** up like me, and I'm not sure I'd like to think where I'd be without it.
It's one of the few things that keeps me tethered to this world, my sanity, and keeping that last shred of hope in my heart.

Why?

Because where I'm at now, If I go down...
I can get back up
I can take a right hook to my liver and not even flinch
I can have a 260lb bodybuilder try to rip my head off of my shoulders and not feel an ounce of fear

There's a lot of baggage I believe everyone has and holds onto because their ego needs buffer space; facing some of the worst fear and deliberate pain and harm you can live through can go a long ways to paring you down and building you back up on real and solid foundations.
 
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Andy Black

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A few lines that have helped me:


“Never worry about numbers. Help people one at a time, and always start with the person closest to you.” (Mother Theresa)

Why this helps: You forget about yourself and just go do. By doing you stop navel gazing, and good things happen ... which creates a positive feedback loop.


Repeat this line:

“I am enough, because I say I am.” (Craig Desorcy)

Why this helps: As a race we’ve expanded to conquer continents, scientific realms, and in many other ways. You could say this is driven by the “I am not enough” gene. We’re always trying to prove something to ourselves or someone else. That’s great, unless it makes you do dumb things (think young men trying to prove themselves) OR it freezes you from even having a go.

For a while I thought I needed a business partner. I thought I was the techie and needed to partner with a salesman/businessman. Until Craig pointed out that this came from the “I am not enough” gene, and told me to repeat that line above. Boom... instant improvement in self-image, and instant unstuckness.



Bonus lines:

“If you don’t figure this out, you leave it up to your kids to.” (Craig Desorcy)

“Your job is to be the man you want your sons to grow up to be.” (Craig Desorcy)

How they help: Clarity of purpose. A powerful “Why”. I will be the man I want my sons to be. End of.
 

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What are the best resources you have USED to make real change in your self-belief and self-image?
Also if you don't particularly recommend ANY resource but rather some form of action (or both) definitely chime in too.
Either way, you need a process and repetition if you are serious about getting results. You know how people tell you to save 10%? Try instead spending 10% on your own growth.
^^ This.

I am like a magpie, I take bits from here and there and weave them into my daily life. Everything is fluid, if something works keep it. If not discard it and either revert back or try something else. The litmus test for me is if I find it it beneficial and I can get it to stick. Then I find that once I have built it into a habit I can easily resurrect it if I have a layoff for some unexpected reason. I'm now waking back up around 5am after a few months of 7 or 8am starts.

It's continued repetition that is the key. Invest in yourself. Experiment. Find out what works for you and repeat it until it becomes a firm habit.
 

Maxboost

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If you are a non smoker, you will never understand this book.

Allen Carr's book, the easy way to stop smoking, is the GREATEST book in changing your self identity.

Every smoker that I gave the book to, quit immediately after reading the book without the use of fear tactics and anti smoking drugs with tons of side effects.

I'm not too sure how the book worked, it just does.
 

PureA

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Kind of indirect but meditation has had the biggest effect on my self image.

It really aids in being objective as possible as well as seeing that who we are is just a construct we can change at any time.

If anyone is looking to get started (or re-started). I cannot recommend the Waking Up app (by Sam Harris) highly enough. I've tried them all (apps) and it's by far superior.
 

NMdad

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Started listening to the MFCEO podcast in the car every day, every time I'm in the car. A few things I've learned (& started implementing):
  1. Success is the result of (often) tedious tasks repeated consistently over time.
  2. You must do more than is comfortable to create change in your life.
  3. Success is inevitable if you do #1 & #2.
 

socaldude

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I'll chime in and give my two cents.

Any self-image is an obstacle.

Because what does a self-image do? It acts as a net that filters certain feelings and behaviors and distorts visual perceptions.

Now the WORST self-images come from interactions with our environment; our memories. The physical temporal world.

Now the BEST self-images come from our intuitions. Independent of our interactions with our environment. The spiritual/mental world.

24841

I'm sure we have all seen this painting. Plato is pointing up to the "forms". Which are basically ideas that are "clean" and untouched or unconfused by the "physical world". Our self-image should come from our true unconfused self that exists in our intuition untouched by our interactions with the world. Aristotle is pointing to the earth saying the physical world gives us intelligence. Which he is correct it's just not the right kind or most effective.
 

JunkBoxJoey_JBJ

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What are the best resources you have USED to make real change in your self-belief and self-image?

I am not referring to the "ya that makes sense" type of material, but something you read or listened to that real lasting impact. Literally changed your life and how you view yourself.

Self-image is such an important part of success that I would really like to see what others on here could recommend.

Also if you don't particularly recommend ANY resource but rather some form of action (or both) definitely chime in too.
Read Man’s Search for Meaning in 2014, profound.

Have just Re-Read for the vote/poll; even better (2019).

Off facebook for nearly 5 years. Still...

Cannot recommend both enough.
 

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Dmorr

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Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz is a really good book on your self-image and self-image psychology. This book has helped me to where I am now and it will show you how to program yourself to get where you want to be and how to endure the obstacles along the way
 

Sprocket

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Hey a here are some things that have turned my mindset around:

Books:
A new earth
Untethered soul
The Tao de ching
The Tao of pooh

Podcasts
What’s this Tao all about

Actions
Exercise
Meditation ‍♀
Good diet (brain and gut are linked, feed your brain what it needs to function)
Yoga
 

SamRussell

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I'll chime in and give my two cents.

Any self-image is an obstacle.

Because what does a self-image do? It acts as a net that filters certain feelings and behaviors and distorts visual perceptions.

Now the WORST self-images come from interactions with our environment; our memories. The physical temporal world.

Now the BEST self-images come from our intuitions. Independent of our interactions with our environment. The spiritual/mental world.

View attachment 24841

I'm sure we have all seen this painting. Plato is pointing up to the "forms". Which are basically ideas that are "clean" and untouched or unconfused by the "physical world". Our self-image should come from our true unconfused self that exists in our intuition untouched by our interactions with the world. Aristotle is pointing to the earth saying the physical world gives us intelligence. Which he is correct it's just not the right kind or most effective.
There is no such thing as a "self" detached from the world.

You're talking about a consciousness with nothing to be conscious of - that's meaningless.
 

Roli

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What are the best resources you have USED to make real change in your self-belief and self-image?

I am not referring to the "ya that makes sense" type of material, but something you read or listened to that real lasting impact. Literally changed your life and how you view yourself.

Self-image is such an important part of success that I would really like to see what others on here could recommend.

Also if you don't particularly recommend ANY resource but rather some form of action (or both) definitely chime in too.
I'm reading the Chimp Paradox by Prof. Steven Peters at the moment, and I must say it is turning my life around.

It splits the brain into 3 parts, Human (prefrontal cortex/frontal lobe) Chimp (limbic system) Computer (Amygdala/cerebellum).

I am rereading the parts on beliefs/self-belief/values so I'm no expert and won't attempt to give you a detailed rundown. Suffice to say that I have already managed to change my outlook and feel like I'm making progress every day.
 

Roli

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What are the best resources you have USED to make real change in your self-belief and self-image?

I am not referring to the "ya that makes sense" type of material, but something you read or listened to that real lasting impact. Literally changed your life and how you view yourself.

Self-image is such an important part of success that I would really like to see what others on here could recommend.

Also if you don't particularly recommend ANY resource but rather some form of action (or both) definitely chime in too.

By the way, I know that hearing this sort of thing probably doesn't help. But I think you're frickin awesome! You've done shit with your life that I absolutely admire and really think you're the mutt's nuts :cool:
 
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Sprocket

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I'm reading the Chimp Paradox by Prof. Steven Peters at the moment, and I must say it is turning my life around.

It splits the brain into 3 parts, Human (prefrontal cortex/frontal lobe) Chimp (limbic system) Computer (Amygdala/cerebellum).

I am rereading the parts on beliefs/self-belief/values so I'm no expert and won't attempt to give you a detailed rundown. Suffice to say that I have already managed to change my outlook and feel like I'm making progress every day.
This book is incredible! If you have kids there is also a book targeted at them. We always talk about our chimps at home now, my daughter has been known to tell me “my chimp is out”
 

guy93777

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Psycho cybernetics and release your brakes. Release your brakes is recommended by Dan Pena, the scottish billionaire
 

Teo_NK

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To be honest, after I graduated I found out that the world is not what I have been told and I got confused, but for my luck, I love physics( Experimental Physics) from there I learned that adults don't really have all the answers and from there I learned that everything can be improved if you are willing to put some effort in it .
 

guy93777

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