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Extreme lack of self-belief has been haunting me for years. Need help

ambrosinibello

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I will start off by saying that this is NOT a positive post, but at the very least I haven’t given up yet on my dreams.

I scrolled through and found a post about a guy named Kelsey, who became millionaire at 19. Then the self defeating feeling came about when I saw he started at 17.

I also started my journey at 17. Bought many courses (WSO), applied some, had email marketing list, was making apps which netted some passive income but gave it up after talking to dad.

I was still scripted and parents pushe the college route. 1-2 years on standby while in the meantime I was selling fake ids and drugs in my dorm. Not the cleanest but made some money to live.

Eventually I woke up and decided to learn all skills I could. Big mistake. I had no idea and wasted so much time on stupid shit like social media “strategy”, SQL, Java, even took calculus course online. Just wasted tine I might have as well spent watching TV. I was being a F*cking idiot

Then I spent 8k witth a guru to learn sales, put myself into debt that now I can’t get more if needed. F*cking stupid a$$ mistake. Should have spent the 8k on a product .

In terms of action, I’ve probably cold callled over 5000 people, (100,000+ dials), ran 100+ marketing campaigns. Yet I undervalued the tuck out of myself.

I’m 22 still in school and honestly don’t have shit to many name besides debt. I have NEVER in my life made more than $3000 a month, despite taking massive risks, moving to another state, making cold calls and selling even $700,000 in products. Still never made more than 3k. I still depend on mom for living and even putting gas in my car.

I’m trying not to think too much and keep taking action on some food and supplement products I am working on, but I can’t help but deep down feel like it’s a waste of time and I need to be realistic and get a job. My family is constantly trying to push me into network marketing and I’m startint to crack for the first time in years.

I don’t know exactly the reason or what I’m lacking. Maybe I genuinely don’t have the desire to succeed. Idk. I will say, my biggest F*cking regret is spending money on courses and training. I should have put it all on the line for F*cking products or marketing myself.

I don’t expect any changes to come from your comments if I even get any. I just started day with a f*cked up mindset. But sometimes got to change or I will never achieve more. I’m so sick of busting my a$$ for scraps.

So any advice that might help me see that is appreciated.
 

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NMdad

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First, I can see how, given the events you've laid out, you could make yourself feel pretty low & that the world might appear to hold few opportunities.

However, I also see you taking action--not just thinking or action faking. You've sold lots of stuff, and you've gotten a ton of cold calling experience. Those are valuable.

Comparing ourselves to others is dangerous. The only person you should compare yourself to is you: are you actions today better than yesterday?

Ah, parents. Yes, we're well-meaning, but we can have a hard time putting ourselves in our kids shoes, hearing what they want, and supporting them as they strive for it. Parents want to protect you from harm. But you're young & have time on your side--there's lots of runway for you to get airborne. If your parents are slowlane but want to support your entrepreneurial path, they might be pushing you to network marketing possibly because its something sorta entrepreneurial (not really) that they're familiar with or heard of; but I doubt it's for you.

Stop beating yourself up about past decisions. We've all made foolish decisions--easy to see in hindsight; the consequences (debt, etc.) are the price of tuition for learning those lessons. What can you learn from those actions & outcomes?

Instead, I'd suggest following @Andy Black's advice: find someone today who you can help. Helping others gets us out of that dark place. Create value for others, and the money will follow.

You can do this.
 

Valhalla

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The regret is what really stands out for me. You criticize your pursuit of education, courses, education, but it sounds like even if you had made alternative choices, you'd be regretting those as all. Pull value from what you've done, I'm sure that 8k wasn't completely ill spent nor was learning smm strategy or calculus. You're 22, most 22 year olds are poor and have no idea what they're doing, give yourself a break. The desperation to make money, even if it's risking your freedom and future by doing it in an illegal manner, is something you should take a pause on. What does it mean to you? What will having lots of it do for you? Who/what are you doing it for?

Just my two cents, I believe the aforementioned principle of providing value for others will best serve you (and those close to you) now and in the future. All the best.
 

Kruiser

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Don't beat yourself up. You are only 22.

Don't compare. There is always going to be someone richer, who made it faster, younger, etc. There is no end to the comparison game, so you might want to quit it now.
 

Ninjakid

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I'm been wanting to say this, and right now seems like the perfect time.

I love Kanye West. HE IS MY ROLE MODEL.

I've loved his music since I first heard "All Falls Down" on the radio, and I've never stopped being a huge admirer of his since then.

Funny thing is, family and friends have given me flack over the years for liking him. It's funny how average people will just follow popular opinion like sheep...

But Kanye truly is someone to admire. He's not only a musical and business genius, but he does whatever the F*ck he wants and puts his mind to.

He believes he's successful by divine right. He doesn't try to downplay how brilliant and talented he is.

And it's not just because he's rich and famous right now. Everyone who knows him says he was like this like before the fame and money. He had an insane self-belief which no one could explain.

When he started out, literally no one believed in him; not even his mother. He dropped out of college and went against his mom's and society's expectations to do what he knew he could. He worked hard EVERY DAY producing beats until he made a name for himself. Then he wanted to rap, and everyone told him he couldn't rap.

In this song, he covers it in detail.

View: https://youtu.be/cpbeS15sHZ0


Even today, he's constantly ridiculed for unapologetically being himself. But that doesn't changed the fact that ridiculously rich, successful, and that he single-handedly changed the 21st Century rap game.

He did all this by refusing to not believe in himself.

Most people don't fully believe in their self. Most people believe they need a reason to believe in their self or will rationalize why they aren't good enough to follow their dreams.

So if you're down on yourself, just think, what would Kanye do?

 

Bekit

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I will start off by saying that this is NOT a positive post, but at the very least I haven’t given up yet on my dreams.

I scrolled through and found a post about a guy named Kelsey, who became millionaire at 19. Then the self defeating feeling came about when I saw he started at 17.

I also started my journey at 17. Bought many courses (WSO), applied some, had email marketing list, was making apps which netted some passive income but gave it up after talking to dad.

I was still scripted and parents pushe the college route. 1-2 years on standby while in the meantime I was selling fake ids and drugs in my dorm. Not the cleanest but made some money to live.

Eventually I woke up and decided to learn all skills I could. Big mistake. I had no idea and wasted so much time on stupid shit like social media “strategy”, SQL, Java, even took calculus course online. Just wasted tine I might have as well spent watching TV. I was being a F*cking idiot

Then I spent 8k witth a guru to learn sales, put myself into debt that now I can’t get more if needed. F*cking stupid a$$ mistake. Should have spent the 8k on a product .

In terms of action, I’ve probably cold callled over 5000 people, (100,000+ dials), ran 100+ marketing campaigns. Yet I undervalued the tuck out of myself.

I’m 22 still in school and honestly don’t have shit to many name besides debt. I have NEVER in my life made more than $3000 a month, despite taking massive risks, moving to another state, making cold calls and selling even $700,000 in products. Still never made more than 3k. I still depend on mom for living and even putting gas in my car.

I’m trying not to think too much and keep taking action on some food and supplement products I am working on, but I can’t help but deep down feel like it’s a waste of time and I need to be realistic and get a job. My family is constantly trying to push me into network marketing and I’m startint to crack for the first time in years.

I don’t know exactly the reason or what I’m lacking. Maybe I genuinely don’t have the desire to succeed. Idk. I will say, my biggest F*cking regret is spending money on courses and training. I should have put it all on the line for F*cking products or marketing myself.

I don’t expect any changes to come from your comments if I even get any. I just started day with a f*cked up mindset. But sometimes got to change or I will never achieve more. I’m so sick of busting my a$$ for scraps.

So any advice that might help me see that is appreciated.
Hey that's rough, and it's crazy how hard you have to fight to get ahead in this game sometimes.

Sorry to hear about what you're going through.

I just happened to read this article today, and I thought maybe it would give you a new perspective: The Quest to the Unlived Life - More To That

The part that stood out to me regarding your post was the section on self doubt. Really insightful look at it, plus illustrations!



 

ProcessPro

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Apr 26, 2018
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I think we feel the way we do when we compare our actual circumstances with our ideals. You feel bad because you haven't made more than $3000 a month compared to what you want to make and compared to the 'busting your a$$' work you've put out.

I'd suggest you be wise in what/who you choose to compare yourself to. Don't set your standards unrealistically high that you feel like crap when you self evaluate.

It's ironic because I'm so impressed by your work ethic, and I have no doubts you'll make it. You feel bad because you're comparing yourself to that millionaire, but that's very rare. I'm comparing you to the average youth your age. The path you're on and your work ethic is also rare, and even though you're behind that millionaire, it will likely be you if you keep it up and keep assessing and adjusting until you build a viable business operation.

About regrets...we all have them. I often regret wasting time, but what's important is where I am now, and what I do from here. The same can be said of you. You didn't know better then, but you do now and you won't make those same mistakes again.

My thoughts were all over the place, but hope you get my responses to several ideas in your post.
 

rclayjr

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Mar 13, 2019
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I will start off by saying that this is NOT a positive post, but at the very least I haven’t given up yet on my dreams.

I scrolled through and found a post about a guy named Kelsey, who became millionaire at 19. Then the self defeating feeling came about when I saw he started at 17.

I also started my journey at 17. Bought many courses (WSO), applied some, had email marketing list, was making apps which netted some passive income but gave it up after talking to dad.

I was still scripted and parents pushe the college route. 1-2 years on standby while in the meantime I was selling fake ids and drugs in my dorm. Not the cleanest but made some money to live.

Eventually I woke up and decided to learn all skills I could. Big mistake. I had no idea and wasted so much time on stupid shit like social media “strategy”, SQL, Java, even took calculus course online. Just wasted tine I might have as well spent watching TV. I was being a F*cking idiot

Then I spent 8k witth a guru to learn sales, put myself into debt that now I can’t get more if needed. F*cking stupid a$$ mistake. Should have spent the 8k on a product .

In terms of action, I’ve probably cold callled over 5000 people, (100,000+ dials), ran 100+ marketing campaigns. Yet I undervalued the tuck out of myself.

I’m 22 still in school and honestly don’t have shit to many name besides debt. I have NEVER in my life made more than $3000 a month, despite taking massive risks, moving to another state, making cold calls and selling even $700,000 in products. Still never made more than 3k. I still depend on mom for living and even putting gas in my car.

I’m trying not to think too much and keep taking action on some food and supplement products I am working on, but I can’t help but deep down feel like it’s a waste of time and I need to be realistic and get a job. My family is constantly trying to push me into network marketing and I’m startint to crack for the first time in years.

I don’t know exactly the reason or what I’m lacking. Maybe I genuinely don’t have the desire to succeed. Idk. I will say, my biggest F*cking regret is spending money on courses and training. I should have put it all on the line for F*cking products or marketing myself.

I don’t expect any changes to come from your comments if I even get any. I just started day with a f*cked up mindset. But sometimes got to change or I will never achieve more. I’m so sick of busting my a$$ for scraps.

So any advice that might help me see that is appreciated.
REPLY:
First change your words that includes you internal words/dialogue. You can't talk lack and get abundance. You can't talk about all the bad stuff and want the good stuff at the same time. Talk and say everything but what you are frustrated with because your Words have great Power. Your words have the power of life and death, use them wisely. You never heard or no one ever told you this? Listen to "Earl Shoaff Mentor to Jim Rohn how to be a millionaire!" on youtube. Mr Shoaff R.I.P. explains it very well.
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMVOdJEEj6M
 

Primeperiwinkle

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I know this is gonna sound crazy but I truly believe I found a weird universal truth. If you’re generous.. you get blessed.

I dunno what you’re doing with your time, your words, your assessment of other people, your cash, your talents, or your heart but if there’s one thing I do know it’s that when you give.. stuff comes back, multiplied.

Don’t get bitter. Find someone, ANYONE to be generous towards.
 

MB Burnette

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Mar 12, 2019
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I'm over twice your age. I could write a negative wrap sheet that makes yours look like a motivational speech. At your age I was ten years into drug addiction.

Do you do drugs? Weed, alcohol, pills, crack, sex, sugar...porn? Addicted to negative thought? If you do...if you aren't disciplined with physical and mental health, then it's tough to have positive self-belief.

Look into gratitude. Start with being grateful of life in a free country. Grateful for food, shelter...working body and limbs.

If you keep bringing the negative from each day forward, then you'll be my age... and obese with erectile dysfunction. And with a perpetual frown on your face.

Seriously check out Dan Sullivan, The Abundance Spiral on Youtube. Dan Sullivan, Joe Polish and the Genius Network are all golden nuggets.

Finding that bit of gold at your age is huge! When I was your age we didn't have access to the same level of wisdom. Also, be grateful for having access to Unscripted material.

I lived the majority of my life indoctrinated in the Script... and let me tell you it's very difficult to change that conditioning at 50 years old. In fact, it's difficult to change anything at 50 years old!

LOL...see I have some shit self-belief too.

Man, I wish I could go back to 22!!! You can be self made by 30...living the dream. Also, check out Peter Voogd. He is a solid millennial with a practical process to moving forward.

More power to you brother.

MBB-KB
 

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ambrosinibello

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First, I can see how, given the events you've laid out, you could make yourself feel pretty low & that the world might appear to hold few opportunities.

However, I also see you taking action--not just thinking or action faking. You've sold lots of stuff, and you've gotten a ton of cold calling experience. Those are valuable.

Comparing ourselves to others is dangerous. The only person you should compare yourself to is you: are you actions today better than yesterday?

Ah, parents. Yes, we're well-meaning, but we can have a hard time putting ourselves in our kids shoes, hearing what they want, and supporting them as they strive for it. Parents want to protect you from harm. But you're young & have time on your side--there's lots of runway for you to get airborne. If your parents are slowlane but want to support your entrepreneurial path, they might be pushing you to network marketing possibly because its something sorta entrepreneurial (not really) that they're familiar with or heard of; but I doubt it's for you.

Stop beating yourself up about past decisions. We've all made foolish decisions--easy to see in hindsight; the consequences (debt, etc.) are the price of tuition for learning those lessons. What can you learn from those actions & outcomes?

Instead, I'd suggest following @Andy Black's advice: find someone today who you can help. Helping others gets us out of that dark place. Create value for others, and the money will follow.

You can do this.
Thanks for that. I listened to a few of Andy’s podcasts, I will play that one in the gym today.

I do tend to focus too much on making my situation worse than it might really be to add a certain dramatic storyline to my life. I need to switch the perspective and frame.

The regret is what really stands out for me. You criticize your pursuit of education, courses, education, but it sounds like even if you had made alternative choices, you'd be regretting those as all. Pull value from what you've done, I'm sure that 8k wasn't completely ill spent nor was learning smm strategy or calculus. You're 22, most 22 year olds are poor and have no idea what they're doing, give yourself a break. The desperation to make money, even if it's risking your freedom and future by doing it in an illegal manner, is something you should take a pause on. What does it mean to you? What will having lots of it do for you? Who/what are you doing it for?

Just my two cents, I believe the aforementioned principle of providing value for others will best serve you (and those close to you) now and in the future. All the best.
That’s a good point, focusing on how I can provide value to someone instead of becoming a millionaire.

I just had a phase where I went to far into the “creating value” and I ended up thinking that if I wanted to make a dollar I needed to save the world, and provide value instead of thinking in terms of profits, copywriting and with a more business mindset. I need to learn how to mix the two.

I'm been wanting to say this, and right now seems like the perfect time.

I love Kanye West. HE IS MY ROLE MODEL.

I've loved his music since I first heard "All Falls Down" on the radio, and I've never stopped being a huge admirer of his since then.

Funny thing is, family and friends have given me flack over the years for liking him. It's funny how average people will just follow popular opinion like sheep...

But Kanye truly is someone to admire. He's not only a musical and business genius, but he does whatever the F*ck he wants and puts his mind to.

He believes he's successful by divine right. He doesn't try to downplay how brilliant and talented he is.

And it's not just because he's rich and famous right now. Everyone who knows him says he was like this like before the fame and money. He had an insane self-belief which no one could explain.

When he started out, literally no one believed in him; not even his mother. He dropped out of college and went against his mom's and society's expectations to do what he knew he could. He worked hard EVERY DAY producing beats until he made a name for himself. Then he wanted to rap, and everyone told him he couldn't rap.

In this song, he covers it in detail.

View: https://youtu.be/cpbeS15sHZ0


Even today, he's constantly ridiculed for unapologetically being himself. But that doesn't changed the fact that ridiculously rich, successful, and that he single-handedly changed the 21st Century rap game.

He did all this by refusing to not believe in himself.

Most people don't fully believe in their self. Most people believe they need a reason to believe in their self or will rationalize why they aren't good enough to follow their dreams.

So if you're down on yourself, just think, what would Kanye do?

I like this. I’ve always liked Kanye myself, especially because if he gets so much hate and yet he keeps himself composed. Guy is loaded with self-belief and it really is admirable, pretty stoic too.

Hey that's rough, and it's crazy how hard you have to fight to get ahead in this game sometimes.

Sorry to hear about what you're going through.

I just happened to read this article today, and I thought maybe it would give you a new perspective: The Quest to the Unlived Life - More To That

The part that stood out to me regarding your post was the section on self doubt. Really insightful look at it, plus illustrations!



I just read the entire post. Wow, I see myself having been on every single one of those spectrums. The part of dealing with self-doubt and how it can only act like a first grader insulting you is funny.

I need to develop my rational muscle better at thinking my thoughts through instead of submitting right away to even the childish insults
 

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