(1) Nothing will change you overnight. Eckharte Tolle's story of an instantaneous transformation is misleading in this sense. I've had a few such transformative moments, but even then, there were years of follow-up efforts to integrate the changes.
(2) Don't listen to people who've just read a book or finished a seminar. They feel excited and rationalize it's amazing. Ask for something people have read 3-5 years ago or have been practicing for 3-5 years.
(3) People also misattribute what has made great changes in their lives. I know a guy who has been practicing a certain form of meditation for 15 years. I believe it helped him a lot in the beginning; at this point it seems more like a handicap, as he's convinced he'd be exhausted or crazy without it. Even if it's true for him, you may not need it. For example, I have mild asthma, so e.g. the Wim Hof method is helping me to breathe easier, which does not make it as useful for you.
(4) Even long-term, many people overvalue what has helped them. E.g. somebody goes from no-purpose to moderate achievement, or from depression to occasional joy, and they think that Tony Robbins or vipassana retreats are the best thing since sliced bread. Just as science can be taken dogmatically as religion, so e.g. yoga can be taken dogmatically as a kind of a SlowLane. I love yoga, and I was certified as a yoga teacher myself; just saying that many people teach it, basically, to have fun themselves (which I also did).
It's a bit like with investment advisors who are not rich, but are teaching you how to invest: yoga teachers who are not happy or fulfilled, not particularly mindful or aware, are teaching you how to do same. (Some are amazing, and also the difference is that, unlike the investment advisors, they are teaching you a fundamentally solid strategy. Besides, yoga is so good for your body that it has benefit either way.)
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Now what did help. What helped was learning from people - through private classes, mentorship, coaching.
Remember, it's a process, not an event? All of them have told me that I had learned more than just about anybody else, despite typically starting from a lower level. It turns out, most people don't have what it takes, or at least are sufficiently entrenched in their current way of thinking to make teaching very difficult.
Either way, you need a process and repetition if you are serious about getting results. You know how people tell you to save 10%? Try instead spending 10% on your own growth. I am personally close to 30% and have been this way for many years, though the amount has increased. I've completed my Ph.D. in 2010; since then, I've spent about $150K on my own learning, mostly on group or private classes, always less then $100/hour. So we are talking thousands of hours of guided instruction, often private. Similarly, find a track and follow it. If you are into meditation, find a teacher or join a society -- or commit on your own -- and do it consistently. You can join a martial arts school or go learn some painting, or some sales, or public speaking, and do it on a regular basis, and improve through the years.
The thing is, your mind has something called "myelin", which is an insulation around the connections in your brain. It takes time to myelinate connections and change them into superhighways. So unless you experience a shock, change is slow; even if you *do* experience a shock as the case was with Eckharte Tolle, that would still take years of refinement.
Lastly, self-image does not change from reading books nor even therapy. It comes from DOING things. Books, therapy, journaling can plant seeds into you, but the seeds take root only when you change the way you act based on those seeds.
Self-beliefs change from reference experiences. For example, the belief that you can live without a 9-5 job comes when you actually have enough income from a business or part-time gigs, or some other activities. (A business that is not a FastLane can still help change your mindset.) No book can do it for you. Furthermore, you have to be doing DIFFICULT things.
Example: today go to Starbucks and ask for a free coffee. For no reason. Do not say it's a social experiment, just ask because you want to. You can say you thought there was a promotion, or something along those lines. If they say "no", try reasoning with them at least a second time. Call your internet provider and ask, if there's any way to lower your bill. This is the kind of stuff that changes your self-image, when you do it at scale, not reading books.
Without guidance from another human, there's almost no chance that books will change you. You need guidance and hard accountability. Financial leverage can work wonders -- certainly did for me -- such as if you don't do X, you lose Y dollars. (E.g. if you committed to doing something every single day for 40 days in a row and missed a day, you have to donate $200 to charity. $200 was a leverage amount that worked for me, but you may need more or less.)
