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NOTABLE! Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

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ahartley

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I've only read the first post of this thread, and I can already tell I'll be coming back to this one over and over to remind myself of this...
 

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DClaiborne

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Great thread and another INTJ-T checking in. I've known I'm an INTJ-T for years now and can recognize the strengths/weaknesses that come with it, but I'd never heard about the Enneagram test until this thread. "Unfortunately" on the Enneagram Test, I'm a 7-4-1 so I have a lot of learning and understanding in those areas.
 

Daniel Giordano

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Mar 31, 2018
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thanks for sharing this, it's great to know you are not alone in the pursuit of what we believe we may want in our lives. Thigs change and I choose to use qualities that serve me when I am shifting gears to work on different areas of my life. For the past 18 years my drive has been my wife and kids, to be the dad that was more involved and able to be present not out working 16 hours a day.

I have been able to achieve that, my kids do not know me to have a job and at the same time I always feel like I can do better. Right now in this season of my life I am doing things differently, leaner, focused and connecting. All while my wife and kids are the most important drive. My qualities today are Bold, Connected, Powerful and Wealthy. Wealth is not just money but also knowledge and life experience I get to share with the world.
 

Kennypaul

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I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.

However, I'm going for my 3rd Gold on purpose with this thread.

Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.

My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.

And yes, I posted this on another forum first. Why? I didn't know how some of you would take it. So I decided to post it elsewhere, get feedback, and refine it for here. Kinda like how Seinfeld and other comics try out their new jokes on smaller venues before doing them in front of larger crowds.

I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....

Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.

In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.

These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.

But see, life is funny in that way.You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.

In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It was one of many and it was not my last. However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.

So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.

I didn't post this background information elsewhere. I wanted you all to know the background so you could see where I was coming from and why I posted it. The story jumps to the present day now below:

The Post

Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.

But the big question is, what is it I want?

And what do I do when my want's change?

It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

In 2015, my core values were:
  • Individuality
  • Freedom
  • Trust
  • Simplicity
  • Activeness

These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
  • Simplicity
  • Creativity
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Stability
  • Autonomy
Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...

It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.

So why is this important?

As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.

Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.

If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.

For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:

"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.

An example of this might be:
  • Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
    • I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
  • Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
    • It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
  • Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
    • It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
    • However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.
A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.

You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.

But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.

So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).

Get the picture?

Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.

Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.

BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.

One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.

My priorities for 2015 where these:
  • Family
  • Charity & Faith
  • Building Net Worth
I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.

Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.

For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.

I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.

And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.

This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.

You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.

Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.

Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.

Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
  • Simple - It's not hard to write content
  • Creative - I can write about any topic and any when I pick one, any idea in that topic with a touch of flair
  • Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
  • Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
  • Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects
So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.

Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.

It's not hard to prove either.

Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.

You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?


Do yourself a favor....
  1. Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
  2. Make a mission statement around them
  3. Figure out your top 3 priorities
  4. Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
  5. Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
  6. In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.
I simply love your post!.It reminds me of the topic on "VALUES" in the Best selling book called "The subtle art of not giving a f*ck" by Mark Manson.In this particular part of the book,Mark identifies the following as "shitty values",values you should not be prioritizing in your life;
-Pleasure
-Material success(with the sidewalk mindset)
-Always been right
-Always staying positive(its OK to feel bad sometimes,it's an emotion too)
-etc.
Manson considers good values to be;reality-based,socially constructive,achieved internally,immediate and controllable.An example of a good value is honesty,it's completely within your control,it's reality-based and has benefit to others.So is "improvement".etc
Bad values,on the other hand,are:superstitous,socially destructive,not immediate or controllable and reliant on external events.An example of a bad value is the desire to be popular(not in all cases).Popularity is out of your control and is socially destructive(not in all cases).It breaks people down rather than building them up(not in all cases also).But the point is,we should ALWAYS chose our goals based on our values.(Hopefully,they should be good values).
 

Nadine Fortin

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Jan 28, 2018
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I am familiar with Enneagram, MBTI, etc. I usually do a WHY discovery with my clients. I would be curious to do the process with you since you have obviously worked a lot on yours.

Thanks for your series of posts. they gave me a couple of a-ha moments.
 

Envious

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Sep 26, 2017
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Great post man!

I got ENFP as my personality. I'm normally a bit skeptical about tests that put you in boxes or label you, but this was actually surprisingly accurate.

I've never thought about my Values but i had a deep think and came up with:
  • Creativity - The ability to think of new solutions, ideas and perspectives.
  • Freedom - The ability to live an unscripted life and change with life's ebbs and flows.
  • Growth - To be getting better everyday.
  • Autonomy - to be in the driving seat of my life.
  • Variety - to be able to enjoy many different things during my day.
 

eliquid

( Jason Brown )
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Curious how everyone is doing from this thread.

Did you stick to it?

Did you fall off the wagon?

Did you do 1 or 2 parts, but not the whole system?

I'm going to be analyzing how I've done the last 12 months pretty soon and thought it would be timely to bump this thread
 

barman

Contributor
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Apr 14, 2018
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This is a fantastic thread at just the right time for me. I seem to have gotten to a place where I'm spinning my wheels and not entirely sure what to do next with my life.

I took the 16Personalities test and got Debater (ENTP-T) At first I thought, I'm not really a debater at all. Then I read the descriptions and a huge majority of it was spot on. So much so that I started to think that this is all very "horoscop-y" where if you say enough general things they're going to apply to anybody. I took the test 2 more times since, and ended with the same result.

I'm going do the Enneagram one next. I've never heard of Enneagram until reading about it a few times on this forum, so curious to see what insight that one provides.
 

DeepScripted

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I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.

However, I'm going for my 3rd Gold on purpose with this thread.

Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.

My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.

And yes, I posted this on another forum first. Why? I didn't know how some of you would take it. So I decided to post it elsewhere, get feedback, and refine it for here. Kinda like how Seinfeld and other comics try out their new jokes on smaller venues before doing them in front of larger crowds.

I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....

Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.

In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.

These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.

But see, life is funny in that way.You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.

In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It was one of many and it was not my last. However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.

So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.

I didn't post this background information elsewhere. I wanted you all to know the background so you could see where I was coming from and why I posted it. The story jumps to the present day now below:

The Post

Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.

But the big question is, what is it I want?

And what do I do when my want's change?

It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

In 2015, my core values were:
  • Individuality
  • Freedom
  • Trust
  • Simplicity
  • Activeness

These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
  • Simplicity
  • Creativity
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Stability
  • Autonomy
Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...

It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.

So why is this important?

As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.

Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.

If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.

For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:

"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.

An example of this might be:
  • Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
    • I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
  • Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
    • It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
  • Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
    • It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
    • However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.
A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.

You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.

But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.

So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).

Get the picture?

Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.

Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.

BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.

One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.

My priorities for 2015 where these:
  • Family
  • Charity & Faith
  • Building Net Worth
I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.

Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.

For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.

I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.

And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.

This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.

You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.

Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.

Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.

Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
  • Simple - It's not hard to write content
  • Creative - I can write about any topic and any when I pick one, any idea in that topic with a touch of flair
  • Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
  • Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
  • Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects
So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.

Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.

It's not hard to prove either.

Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.

You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?


Do yourself a favor....
  1. Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
  2. Make a mission statement around them
  3. Figure out your top 3 priorities
  4. Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
  5. Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
  6. In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.

Exactly what I need right now. Thanks for laying it out, invaluable wisdom!!! :)
 

RayAndré

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Hey @eliquid (or anyone else) this question has been on my mind recently and I'm curious to hear your thoughts:

How do you differentiate/coordinate between accepting who you are and becoming who you want to be?

Clearly who we are has gotten us to where we are today. But if we want to change where we are then we have to change something about ourselves. How can you know the best way to change that will get you where you want to go without going against who you really are?
 
Last edited:

eliquid

( Jason Brown )
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Hey @eliquid (or anyone else) this question has been on my mind recently and I'm curious to hear your thoughts:

How do you differentiate/coordinate between accepting who you are and becoming who you want to be?

Clearly who we are has gotten us to where we are today. But if we want to change where we are then we have to change something about ourselves. How can you know the best way to change that will get you where you want to go without going against who you really are?

I think it depends on how drastic the shift and end goal are.

If who you are is a deep introvert, any goal for a future self that is a huge "social butterfly" is going to be a massive undertaking.

However, if you are a deep introvert and the goal is to be wealthy working for yourself.. then you just need to align your actions that put you toward that goal while being who you still are.

Somewhere in the middle might be, you're a deep introvert and you want to run a coffee shop that has multiple employees and maybe multiple shops. That would challenge you to come out of your shell and interact with not only employees, but the general public.

No matter what, I think in order to become who you want to be.. you do have to first confront who you really are. I feel only at that time, can you even start designing a path to who you want to become.

I had a lot of "false" beliefs of who I wanted to be/become. It wasn't until I decided to confront who I really was, could I really know who I wanted to be/become. I realized that the end goal wasn't far off, it was almost next door and very obtainable.

If you are looking at yourself as a negative now, and looking to your future self as a positive.. then you are doing this wrong. Not saying you did, but most people typically look at this as trying to change from a bad to a good and it creates some issues with people getting confused on how to change.

You're basically taking what you have now personality-wise and strength-wise, and aligning that with how to get to your end goals to reduce friction, stress, and time to end goal.

I'll give you a personal example:

I'm a very introvert person. I tend to be negative and play that off to others as "I'm just a realist". I tend to find the bad in situations and plan for the worse. This makes me very shy and very cautious of other people, even those within my family. I have a guarded wall, if you will. Emotion is hard for me to express, I tend to be very logical even though I crave to sometimes be different. I do feel a lot of emotion, it's just hard to share it to the outside world.

Do I like saying that about myself? Do people "feel that vibe" ( yes ) and want to be around me? The answer to both is NO. I come off callous and many times cold, even though I actually am not wanting to do so. I prefer to be alone instead of in groups because I'm scared of what other people might accidently think about me, even though I really don't want to be off by myself. I even caught myself doing this at the Fastlane Summit earlier this year....

I could have made a goal to be an extrovert and not care. I could have made a goal to not be shy and not be guarded. That would have been a huge undertaking that involved a lot more than just "me" working on it though for many multiple reasons. I could have told myself I want to be smiling all the time like a fake guru coach and tell you everything is f*cking great.

But deep down inside, that just isn't me. Anything I would try to do, would feel fake and plastic if I tried to change it. I would dislike that phony feeling and small talk. The semi "nondeep" friendships I would make. In simple terms, I would rather have 1 silver dollar than 10 dimes if you know what I mean.

That doesn't mean I hate myself or feel negative about myself, it just means I know who I am really am and why. I know that everything I listed above, even though it seems bad, can actually work out to be positive though most of the world doesn't see it that way.

Once I realized this and came to my core values, I realized that parts of those values made up what I listed above. When I got to this point, the future self goals become more clear and focused and actually aligned to who I am now.

But if you are going from one extreme to another, I'm not sure I have good advice for you as that would be out of my league.

When the beginning and end are more closely matched, I think you naturally find the path though because you start aligning the shortcut based on where you are now and what truly fits you.

Did that help in any way?

In a further example, everything I listed above and before in this thread is what got me to doing the work I more enjoy doing and having the 1, 5, and 10 year plans I have today that fit me to a T.

I have never felt more worry-free, calm, content, confident and satisfied than I do now. 10 years ago, I was a wreck even though I had more money than I knew what to do with. I was just never aligned though 10 years ago. Today I am.

.
 

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RayAndré

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When the beginning and end are more closely matched, I think you naturally find the path though because you start aligning the shortcut based on where you are now and what truly fits you.

Did that help in any way?

@eliquid yes, thank you. I'm going to go back and read that a few more times so it really sinks in. I may have been trying to change too far to one extreme, and could probably be more effective by seeing who I really am now and how that person would look like as a successful businessman/fastlaner. Before, I was of the mindset "All these successful fastlaners are doing XYZ so I should do XYZ," but it brought me a lot of stress and guilt.

Its like when I finished reading TMF, I naively emailed MJ asking (summarized) "Hey MJ, great book! My life looks like XYZ right now. What should I do?!" (Sorry for that @MJ DeMarco :hilarious:) To which he replied (summarized): "I don't know what you should do because I don't know you."

Well, apparently I didn't know me either.

When I got to this point, the future self goals become more clear and focused and actually aligned to who I am now.

Sounds like the goal is to get to this "knowing point", then find the goals that are aligned. Don't just copy someone else's.

Time to get to work...
REP++
 

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Just a side-note to anyone:

It's also worth to check this again if major changes happen in your life, like beeing left by a longtime spouse or something similar. Maybe you are really not the one you thought you are, when you were with him/her.

Thanks again for this thread. It provides some light on otherwise darkend paths.
 

eliquid

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Just a side-note to anyone:

It's also worth to check this again if major changes happen in your life, like beeing left by a longtime spouse or something similar. Maybe you are really not the one you thought you are, when you were with him/her.

Thanks again for this thread. It provides some light on otherwise darkend paths.

Def.

I recommend doing this every year myself.

Disregarding major life changes like divorce ( or similar ), you might find the past 12 month have been really good to you ( goal-wise ), or really bad. If it has, you might have moved to a different "level" and learned more about yourself.

That experience can slightly change you. A new perspective. A different outlook maybe.

You realize that going after "freedom" the last 12 months wasn't as accurate as you thought it was 12 month prior. What you really wanted ( now with a new perspective ) is autonomy. This is just an example.

Slight changes like that can make a big shift and you might not know it if you haven't had a large life event yet.

If anything, it serves as a "check up" every year to make sure you are on the right path.

.
 

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A big thanks for this @RayAndré , I stumbled upon this after a post another threab by at @Mainstream7. While these indicators a re far from perfect, m issue with them has always been about matching them to the right kind of business. Although I though all business involved social relationships. especially now there seems ot be a demand for a social media presence. Although I'm always on the lookout for a business model that works well with everything done by email.

Perhaps eCommerce. Hiring an extrovert seems rather an expensive approach, that is only possible for much later stage business.

Personally I'm more interested in one man type business that fit the INTP approach.
 
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RayAndré

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@LittleWolfie Yea none of these tests are perfect. The key is to know yourself. And that takes self-reflection.
Lots of it.

Know your strengths, and find how they can best be applied and leveraged towards your success.

What are your strengths now?
What were your strengths 10 years ago? (Can you build them back up?)

Then ask: "What does it take to be successful in X type of business I'm considering?"
See if they line up.
 

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@LittleWolfie Yea none of these tests are perfect. Then ask: "What does it take to be successful in X type of business I'm considering?"

See if they line up.



No, they never do line up well together, that is what I wish to discuss.



I want to know what kind of niches do line up with my particular strengths and weakness and personality type (scientist)



The usual answer I get is that you have to be the sociable relationship-building type in order to be an entrepreneur which to me smacks of the kind of black & white closed thinking mindset people here rally against. I'm looking for a solution, not to be told that my very nature is a problem.



(Can you build them back up?)[/QUOTE]



@LittleWolfie



What are your strengths now?



Research, is a good strength of mine, I(fit the scientist personality quite well) I’m very good at anything that requires me to be very literal. (So I find Lawyer types much easier to talk to than frustratingly vague people, whom fail to say what they mean and mean what they say). I’m also excellent at taking criticism, especially when it is of a constructive nature. So I'm absolutely great at the hypothesis approach, where you set the initial conditions, test change variables and keep retesting. I can be positive at a failure since a negative result indicates something is not worth pursuing.





I’m also excellent at noticing (UK-style) writing & editing errors(I was tested as being in the top 10% of people in the UK with that ability.



Of course spell checkers have made that worse(since they default to US-style and most people don't change them, my grammar can look worse even when it is correct. Plus, why pay for what can be automated?



I’m pretty good at staying calm, when people are being snotty and extracting the information out of people(research).



Identifying areas where time and money could be saved, and suggesting systems to do so (System analysis and design) providing a specification for a developer to implement from simply speaking to clients.



What were your strengths 10 years ago? (Can you build them back up?)



With enough money and time, I could certainly build my strengths back up. However I need to identify something that gives me more of both first, or a better way of turning time into money.



I used to be a much faster typist (120 word-units a minute, but I have slowed down due to my constant usage of a smart phone. Automated transcription and the ease of third world outsourcing makes this a poor business model.



I used to be much better at virtualisation, low level and API and back end-coding. As well as at bandwidth and energy saving techniques.



I absolutely suck at social media, relationship building and networking, as well as things like writing a story about your business (Am I flogging e-books?) and what for a lack of a better word I will call other wishy-washy, airy-fairy bulls**t
 

eliquid

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What if I don't have a personality type?

Everyone has one. You might not know which one it is though
 

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eliquid

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I want to know what kind of niches do line up with my particular strengths and weakness and personality type (scientist)

If you take the personality tests, there are careers matched up for what your results are. MBTI and Enneagram both have this for you to browse through. Just Google it up.

The usual answer I get is that you have to be the sociable relationship-building type in order to be an entrepreneur which to me smacks of the kind of black & white closed thinking mindset people here rally against. I'm looking for a solution, not to be told that my very nature is a problem.

Whoever is giving you those answers is a flake. I know a lot of introverts who are entrepreneurs, including myself. Most introverts make off better as entrepreneurs than employees.

.
 

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Since i'm currently reading Principles from Ray Dalio and there are chapters dedicated to this topic (Find out what you and others are like), i though i'd share his thoughts on the topic (which i find to be very true in all aspects):

"
Knowing how one is wired is a necessary first step on any life journey.
It doesn't matter what you do with your life, as long as you are doing what is consistent with your nature and your aspirations. Having spent time with some of the richest, most powerful, most admired people in the world, as well as some of the poorest, most disadvantaged people in the most obscure corners of the globe, I can assure you that, beyonder a basic level, there is no correlation between happiness levels and conventional markers of success. A carpenter who derives his deepest satisfaction from working with wood can easily have a life as good or better than the president of the United States. If you've learned anything from this book I hope it's that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and everyone has an important role to play in life. Nature made everything and everyone for a purpose. The courage that's needed the most isn't the kind that drives you to prevail over others, but the kind that allows you to be true to your truest self, no matter what other people want you to be.


His book is a clear reading recommendation.

I can't thank you enough for this thread. It came to me in a time where i was clearly forcing things upon myself that weren't consistent with my nature. Beeing able to recognize and change it made a great difference for my life.
 

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Whoever is giving you those answers is a flake. I know a lot of introverts who are entrepreneurs, including myself. Most introverts make off better as entrepreneurs than employees.

.[/QUOTE]

Amen to that! Took me over 20 years to figure that one out.
 

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Struggling between these two - pride and self sufficiency. Can pride even be a core value or an after effect of fulfilling your core values?

A lot of things that I deem as me being self sufficient would make me proud. Working on a project at my job could make me proud if I have lot of autonomy on it. But it won't necessarily have anything to do with self sufficiency.

So when I make decisions, would I use pride or self sufficiency as a core value? By the way autonomy is already a core value for me :)

I feel like I should go with self sufficiency. Pride is too general, it is like saying my core value is happiness, well then you are stuck in an endless loop, what makes you happy etc

@eliquid Thank you for creating such a helpful thread! I think I have been putting this off for too long, and you helped create a great guide to get things off the ground.
 

eliquid

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Struggling between these two - pride and self sufficiency. Can pride even be a core value or an after effect of fulfilling your core values?

A lot of things that I deem as me being self sufficient would make me proud. Working on a project at my job could make me proud if I have lot of autonomy on it. But it won't necessarily have anything to do with self sufficiency.

So when I make decisions, would I use pride or self sufficiency as a core value? By the way autonomy is already a core value for me :)

I feel like I should go with self sufficiency. Pride is too general, it is like saying my core value is happiness, well then you are stuck in an endless loop, what makes you happy etc

@eliquid Thank you for creating such a helpful thread! I think I have been putting this off for too long, and you helped create a great guide to get things off the ground.

I try to stay away from things that could also labeled as emotions.

To me, pride could be an emotion.

I once had Trust as one of mine, and I took it out because it could be mixed up as an emotion.

Someone might beg to differ, but it ends up what you think and how you feel. Pride and Trust to me could be values, but also results of processes that could be mixed up as emotions you feel. If it smells of emotion in any way, I tend to not keep it on a list of values.

Hope that helps.

.
 

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Ah, you are right, I try to stay away from emotion too, didn't realize pride is one. There goes my pride.. (off my values list :)
 

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Maybe it could help to distinguish trust, as what you feel or experience, from trustworthiness, which is earning or meriting trust from others.

Being trustworthy is (or at least could be) valuable without being an emotion or feeling.
 

eliquid

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Ah, you are right, I try to stay away from emotion too, didn't realize pride is one. There goes my pride.. (off my values list :)

Someone people might say it's not, but when people can say "hurt my pride", I look at it like an emotion.
 
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