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Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

Discussion in 'General Mindset, Motivation, Beliefs' started by eliquid, Oct 31, 2017.

  1. eliquid
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    eliquid ( Jason Brown ) Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    I think it depends on how drastic the shift and end goal are.

    If who you are is a deep introvert, any goal for a future self that is a huge "social butterfly" is going to be a massive undertaking.

    However, if you are a deep introvert and the goal is to be wealthy working for yourself.. then you just need to align your actions that put you toward that goal while being who you still are.

    Somewhere in the middle might be, you're a deep introvert and you want to run a coffee shop that has multiple employees and maybe multiple shops. That would challenge you to come out of your shell and interact with not only employees, but the general public.

    No matter what, I think in order to become who you want to be.. you do have to first confront who you really are. I feel only at that time, can you even start designing a path to who you want to become.

    I had a lot of "false" beliefs of who I wanted to be/become. It wasn't until I decided to confront who I really was, could I really know who I wanted to be/become. I realized that the end goal wasn't far off, it was almost next door and very obtainable.

    If you are looking at yourself as a negative now, and looking to your future self as a positive.. then you are doing this wrong. Not saying you did, but most people typically look at this as trying to change from a bad to a good and it creates some issues with people getting confused on how to change.

    You're basically taking what you have now personality-wise and strength-wise, and aligning that with how to get to your end goals to reduce friction, stress, and time to end goal.

    I'll give you a personal example:

    I'm a very introvert person. I tend to be negative and play that off to others as "I'm just a realist". I tend to find the bad in situations and plan for the worse. This makes me very shy and very cautious of other people, even those within my family. I have a guarded wall, if you will. Emotion is hard for me to express, I tend to be very logical even though I crave to sometimes be different. I do feel a lot of emotion, it's just hard to share it to the outside world.

    Do I like saying that about myself? Do people "feel that vibe" ( yes ) and want to be around me? The answer to both is NO. I come off callous and many times cold, even though I actually am not wanting to do so. I prefer to be alone instead of in groups because I'm scared of what other people might accidently think about me, even though I really don't want to be off by myself. I even caught myself doing this at the Fastlane Summit earlier this year....

    I could have made a goal to be an extrovert and not care. I could have made a goal to not be shy and not be guarded. That would have been a huge undertaking that involved a lot more than just "me" working on it though for many multiple reasons. I could have told myself I want to be smiling all the time like a fake guru coach and tell you everything is f*cking great.

    But deep down inside, that just isn't me. Anything I would try to do, would feel fake and plastic if I tried to change it. I would dislike that phony feeling and small talk. The semi "nondeep" friendships I would make. In simple terms, I would rather have 1 silver dollar than 10 dimes if you know what I mean.

    That doesn't mean I hate myself or feel negative about myself, it just means I know who I am really am and why. I know that everything I listed above, even though it seems bad, can actually work out to be positive though most of the world doesn't see it that way.

    Once I realized this and came to my core values, I realized that parts of those values made up what I listed above. When I got to this point, the future self goals become more clear and focused and actually aligned to who I am now.

    But if you are going from one extreme to another, I'm not sure I have good advice for you as that would be out of my league.

    When the beginning and end are more closely matched, I think you naturally find the path though because you start aligning the shortcut based on where you are now and what truly fits you.

    Did that help in any way?

    In a further example, everything I listed above and before in this thread is what got me to doing the work I more enjoy doing and having the 1, 5, and 10 year plans I have today that fit me to a T.

    I have never felt more worry-free, calm, content, confident and satisfied than I do now. 10 years ago, I was a wreck even though I had more money than I knew what to do with. I was just never aligned though 10 years ago. Today I am.

    .
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2018
  2. Get Right
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    Get Right Platinum Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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  3. RayAndré
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    RayAndré Dare to differ. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    @eliquid yes, thank you. I'm going to go back and read that a few more times so it really sinks in. I may have been trying to change too far to one extreme, and could probably be more effective by seeing who I really am now and how that person would look like as a successful businessman/fastlaner. Before, I was of the mindset "All these successful fastlaners are doing XYZ so I should do XYZ," but it brought me a lot of stress and guilt.

    Its like when I finished reading TMF, I naively emailed MJ asking (summarized) "Hey MJ, great book! My life looks like XYZ right now. What should I do?!" (Sorry for that @MJ DeMarco :hilarious:) To which he replied (summarized): "I don't know what you should do because I don't know you."

    Well, apparently I didn't know me either.

    Sounds like the goal is to get to this "knowing point", then find the goals that are aligned. Don't just copy someone else's.

    Time to get to work...
    REP++
     
  4. Danny Sullivan
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    Danny Sullivan Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Just a side-note to anyone:

    It's also worth to check this again if major changes happen in your life, like beeing left by a longtime spouse or something similar. Maybe you are really not the one you thought you are, when you were with him/her.

    Thanks again for this thread. It provides some light on otherwise darkend paths.
     
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  5. eliquid
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    eliquid ( Jason Brown ) Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Def.

    I recommend doing this every year myself.

    Disregarding major life changes like divorce ( or similar ), you might find the past 12 month have been really good to you ( goal-wise ), or really bad. If it has, you might have moved to a different "level" and learned more about yourself.

    That experience can slightly change you. A new perspective. A different outlook maybe.

    You realize that going after "freedom" the last 12 months wasn't as accurate as you thought it was 12 month prior. What you really wanted ( now with a new perspective ) is autonomy. This is just an example.

    Slight changes like that can make a big shift and you might not know it if you haven't had a large life event yet.

    If anything, it serves as a "check up" every year to make sure you are on the right path.

    .
     
  6. RayAndré
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    RayAndré Dare to differ. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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  7. LittleWolfie
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    LittleWolfie Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    A big thanks for this @RayAndré , I stumbled upon this after a post another threab by at @Mainstream7. While these indicators a re far from perfect, m issue with them has always been about matching them to the right kind of business. Although I though all business involved social relationships. especially now there seems ot be a demand for a social media presence. Although I'm always on the lookout for a business model that works well with everything done by email.

    Perhaps eCommerce. Hiring an extrovert seems rather an expensive approach, that is only possible for much later stage business.

    Personally I'm more interested in one man type business that fit the INTP approach.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2018
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  8. RayAndré
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    RayAndré Dare to differ. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    @LittleWolfie Yea none of these tests are perfect. The key is to know yourself. And that takes self-reflection.
    Lots of it.

    Know your strengths, and find how they can best be applied and leveraged towards your success.

    What are your strengths now?
    What were your strengths 10 years ago? (Can you build them back up?)

    Then ask: "What does it take to be successful in X type of business I'm considering?"
    See if they line up.
     
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  9. The Abundant Man
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    The Abundant Man Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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  10. LittleWolfie
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    LittleWolfie Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    No, they never do line up well together, that is what I wish to discuss.



    I want to know what kind of niches do line up with my particular strengths and weakness and personality type (scientist)



    The usual answer I get is that you have to be the sociable relationship-building type in order to be an entrepreneur which to me smacks of the kind of black & white closed thinking mindset people here rally against. I'm looking for a solution, not to be told that my very nature is a problem.



    (Can you build them back up?)[/QUOTE]





    Research, is a good strength of mine, I(fit the scientist personality quite well) I’m very good at anything that requires me to be very literal. (So I find Lawyer types much easier to talk to than frustratingly vague people, whom fail to say what they mean and mean what they say). I’m also excellent at taking criticism, especially when it is of a constructive nature. So I'm absolutely great at the hypothesis approach, where you set the initial conditions, test change variables and keep retesting. I can be positive at a failure since a negative result indicates something is not worth pursuing.





    I’m also excellent at noticing (UK-style) writing & editing errors(I was tested as being in the top 10% of people in the UK with that ability.



    Of course spell checkers have made that worse(since they default to US-style and most people don't change them, my grammar can look worse even when it is correct. Plus, why pay for what can be automated?



    I’m pretty good at staying calm, when people are being snotty and extracting the information out of people(research).



    Identifying areas where time and money could be saved, and suggesting systems to do so (System analysis and design) providing a specification for a developer to implement from simply speaking to clients.





    With enough money and time, I could certainly build my strengths back up. However I need to identify something that gives me more of both first, or a better way of turning time into money.



    I used to be a much faster typist (120 word-units a minute, but I have slowed down due to my constant usage of a smart phone. Automated transcription and the ease of third world outsourcing makes this a poor business model.



    I used to be much better at virtualisation, low level and API and back end-coding. As well as at bandwidth and energy saving techniques.



    I absolutely suck at social media, relationship building and networking, as well as things like writing a story about your business (Am I flogging e-books?) and what for a lack of a better word I will call other wishy-washy, airy-fairy bulls**t
     
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  11. eliquid
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    eliquid ( Jason Brown ) Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Everyone has one. You might not know which one it is though
     
  12. eliquid
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    eliquid ( Jason Brown ) Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    If you take the personality tests, there are careers matched up for what your results are. MBTI and Enneagram both have this for you to browse through. Just Google it up.

    Whoever is giving you those answers is a flake. I know a lot of introverts who are entrepreneurs, including myself. Most introverts make off better as entrepreneurs than employees.

    .
     
  13. The Abundant Man
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    The Abundant Man Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    I'm just a very anti-label person. I'm just me.
     
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  14. Danny Sullivan
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    Danny Sullivan Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Since i'm currently reading Principles from Ray Dalio and there are chapters dedicated to this topic (Find out what you and others are like), i though i'd share his thoughts on the topic (which i find to be very true in all aspects):

    "
    Knowing how one is wired is a necessary first step on any life journey.
    It doesn't matter what you do with your life, as long as you are doing what is consistent with your nature and your aspirations. Having spent time with some of the richest, most powerful, most admired people in the world, as well as some of the poorest, most disadvantaged people in the most obscure corners of the globe, I can assure you that, beyonder a basic level, there is no correlation between happiness levels and conventional markers of success. A carpenter who derives his deepest satisfaction from working with wood can easily have a life as good or better than the president of the United States. If you've learned anything from this book I hope it's that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and everyone has an important role to play in life. Nature made everything and everyone for a purpose. The courage that's needed the most isn't the kind that drives you to prevail over others, but the kind that allows you to be true to your truest self, no matter what other people want you to be.


    His book is a clear reading recommendation.

    I can't thank you enough for this thread. It came to me in a time where i was clearly forcing things upon myself that weren't consistent with my nature. Beeing able to recognize and change it made a great difference for my life.
     
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  15. LuckyPup
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    LuckyPup Done Dicking Around Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Whoever is giving you those answers is a flake. I know a lot of introverts who are entrepreneurs, including myself. Most introverts make off better as entrepreneurs than employees.

    .[/QUOTE]

    Amen to that! Took me over 20 years to figure that one out.
     
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  16. AlexFS
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    AlexFS New Contributor

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    Struggling between these two - pride and self sufficiency. Can pride even be a core value or an after effect of fulfilling your core values?

    A lot of things that I deem as me being self sufficient would make me proud. Working on a project at my job could make me proud if I have lot of autonomy on it. But it won't necessarily have anything to do with self sufficiency.

    So when I make decisions, would I use pride or self sufficiency as a core value? By the way autonomy is already a core value for me :)

    I feel like I should go with self sufficiency. Pride is too general, it is like saying my core value is happiness, well then you are stuck in an endless loop, what makes you happy etc

    @eliquid Thank you for creating such a helpful thread! I think I have been putting this off for too long, and you helped create a great guide to get things off the ground.
     
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  17. eliquid
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    eliquid ( Jason Brown ) Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    I try to stay away from things that could also labeled as emotions.

    To me, pride could be an emotion.

    I once had Trust as one of mine, and I took it out because it could be mixed up as an emotion.

    Someone might beg to differ, but it ends up what you think and how you feel. Pride and Trust to me could be values, but also results of processes that could be mixed up as emotions you feel. If it smells of emotion in any way, I tend to not keep it on a list of values.

    Hope that helps.

    .
     
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  18. AlexFS
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    AlexFS New Contributor

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    Ah, you are right, I try to stay away from emotion too, didn't realize pride is one. There goes my pride.. (off my values list :)
     
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  19. rogue synthetic
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    rogue synthetic * Not actually Rutger Hauer Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Maybe it could help to distinguish trust, as what you feel or experience, from trustworthiness, which is earning or meriting trust from others.

    Being trustworthy is (or at least could be) valuable without being an emotion or feeling.
     
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  20. eliquid
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    eliquid ( Jason Brown ) Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Someone people might say it's not, but when people can say "hurt my pride", I look at it like an emotion.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2019
  21. NuclearPuma
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    NuclearPuma Bronze Contributor FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I agree with some of the OP but also find it a little bit limiting in terms of thinking.

    For happiness, your self-image and actions should be congruent. Basically, you are happiest when you are acting and behaving as your ideal self.

    But you somewhat define what that ideal self is.

    Personality tests gives you your strength and weaknesses but you aren't limited by them. Dont simply adopt some label that is output by a personality test.
     
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  22. eliquid
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    eliquid ( Jason Brown ) Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    This is exactly what this exercise helps do. How do you become your ideal self if you do not know where to start?

    When you are just moving through the motions of life and heading down roads society might have placed a lot of emphasis on themselves, but just aren't what you would have headed down?

    Where do you know where to start unless you know "who you are"?

    Why you fail over and over again and stay frustrated and unhappy?

    That is what this post starts you on the journey to.

    No one mentioned you should just adopt a label by a personality test.

    This is why I focus a ton on taking just 1 test multiple times. Past that, taking multiple more different tests, multiple times.

    If you just adopt the label past that point, you haven't learned or taken to heart the core message of this post and simply quit once you got your result from the test. You didn't press on to make change or learn what that change meant.

    I can't hold your hand the entire way through your life ( not meaning you @NuclearPuma , but readers of this post ), just like @MJ DeMarco can not hand hold you past reading one his books. If you quit after the tests, you failed.

    Most people don't know their own true strengths and weaknesses. This will get you on that road. Past that you also have to make your mission statement, priorities, goals, etc and you align those with your strengths and weaknesses which I cover in the thread too.

    This all builds a foundation, which most people don't have and don't know how to make, that aligns the things you plan out and do, with who you actually are. This gets you down the road to start a journey to find out who the ideal you even is.

    .
     
  23. LuckyPup
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    LuckyPup Done Dicking Around Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I agree that true satisfaction in life comes from living with integrity, when your actions are in congruence with your "true" self. I don't think anyone is claiming that these tests DEFINE a person completely, but they can provide insight that many people lack. Those insights can help a person define his/her ideal self.

    As Eliquid illustrated, this isn't a "one and done" event; it's an ongoing process. People are dynamic and evolving all the time. I'm not the guy I was 20 years ago, thank God, and not even the guy I was two years ago.

    I think all of this is in the spirit of Plato's advice, "Know thyself," and that takes some self examination... at least for me.
     
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