NOTABLE! Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

[eliquid]

My birthday came and went last month and I have been looking over my yearly values, mission statement, priorties, etc.

Decided to keep things as they are for this year with no change from last year.

Have a found the sweet spot? Only time will tell.

.

 

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[PedroG]

I just started going through my highlights for "Awaken The Giant Within" and I'll be doing the exercises this time. I started the exercises before but never finished them, and I had a realization the other day...

Everything I've been unhappy about, especially this past year, has to do with conflicting values. Everything. It just hit me. And something needs to change.

 

[Vixen]

My birthday came and went last month and I have been looking over my yearly values, mission statement, priorties, etc.

Decided to keep things as they are for this year with no change from last year.

Have a found the sweet spot? Only time will tell.

.

Happy belated birthday eliquid!

I found this thread very interesting.

I myself am an INTJ-A. One point of the A I do not completely fit, is that they are reluctant to change or improve themselves. And the main reason I dont fit it is because, when I started looking into myself many years ago, I used these tests not to label myself but to find out what my core points were. What are my strengths and weakness? I used these points to see if they are true, especially looking into my weaknesses. I then identified areas I wanted to change, turning weaknesses in strengths.

One of those points are that I am a loner, I rely on myself - Not socializing meant I had very few friends. At first I thought there is something wrong with me, cause no matter how much I try, I simply find it difficult to sit on chat groups etc, where I could use that time to be productive. I then realized, having a hand full of real friends are way better than being able to say: 'I have hundred's of "friends" out there.' Because to me real true connection and trust is way more important, than being a social butterfly.

I then looked at points I felt I wanted to change, and starting working on those points. Not taking into account what the world expect of me, but what I wanted and what I felt fits my standards and morals.

Now, 9 years later I am still making changes, but I have a clear vision of who I am and what I want in life. Self reflection has become part of my life, not something I have to set a reminder for.

 

[Ing]

Jason, thanks for writing that years ago.
It will take a time to work out, who I am in that scheme and this time.

I did that test two times now and didnt get similar results.
First was INFP, than ENTJ.
Its very hard for me to answer some questions. As Ioften don’t know, wheather my present me and me gone me answers the same way.
I often don’t even know, wheather I know, what the answer is.

So I will make the test as often as you recommend it and I hope, not to get more than 16 different results!

You are young. In your age I slowly found, who I am and that I m the only one I owe accountability .

I hope your way will show me some new views.

 

[eliquid]

Jason, thanks for writing that years ago.
It will take a time to work out, who I am in that scheme and this time.

I did that test two times now and didnt get similar results.
First was INFP, than ENTJ.
Its very hard for me to answer some questions. As Ioften don’t know, wheather my present me and me gone me answers the same way.
I often don’t even know, wheather I know, what the answer is.

So I will make the test as often as you recommend it and I hope, not to get more than 16 different results!

You are young. In your age I slowly found, who I am and that I m the only one I owe accountability .

I hope your way will show me some new views.

Yes, just keep taking the test over and over. Think about those you don't know the answer to, to find out at some point what the answer means to you.

Take a break between tests, like 2-3 days. Just to make sure your mood or feeling or memory aren't answering for you. Over several tests, hopefully your "average" starts to show.

And it will feel like all you do is take this test, and the other tests, over and over and over again. You will get bored doing it, you will feel like it is non-sense at some point.

But it's the only way I could make sure I washed away emotion, memory, and anything else to get to my core self. Once done, I did the other tests ( strengths test, Ennagram, etc ) the same way and they verified my selections on top of each other.

That was the only way I could make sure I aligned work that fit my values. That I could make decesions that really fit me. Doing those tests over and over and each time clarifiing what those answers mean and whittling down.

We don't always know the answers to things upfront. This won't help in that regard either.

But at least I have now built a framework I can run all my questions through to narrow down what really could be the best answer for me, based on core values/mission statement/priorties.

It can not answer all questions of course, but it can "align" you to what the best answers could be based on who you really are.

.

 

[stjohanne]

this is exactly what i needed, ironically my first post on this forum was about how I felt like I was not where I want to be in life. I recently started having these drastic thoughts of starting fresh and leaving everything behind; dropping school, quitting work, and drive to a new city that is 3,000 miles. But after reading this I plan on reflecting on who I am, what's most important to me, and what I currently want to do with myself.

 

[srodrigo]

I know why I have 1000 ideas a day, but hardly any execution on those new ideas ( and instead why I execute on my main focus only ). Now I can rework how to overcome this.

How did you overcome this in your case?

 

[eliquid]

How did you overcome this in your case?

The ideas never stop. I feel it's part of an INTJ/INTP 5W4 whatever.

Not saying others don't have ideas or can't, just putting pressure on the number of ideas and non-stop activity of those types with their brain.

As far as execution and not having it for all of these ideas, I use to feel bad and thought I was wasting all these ideas by not executing on them.

Before I knew about the MBTI and Enneagram and other tests, I just felt like a loser with ideas and no execution.

Afterward, I learned that's what is normal for me ( the stream of non-stop ideas ) and there is no possible way I have enough time in the world to even finish them, let alone try to start all of them. But it was also afterward that I started down the road of core values, a mission statement, priorities and more.

While the ideas never stop, my core values and mission statement essentially funnel what ideas I could even consider good ones ( good as in what fits me, not good for money-making ).

So while I still might have 5 ideas a day, only maybe 2 of them are even a GOOD FIT FOR ME and match my core values, mission statement, and priorities.

Out of those 2, maybe 0 or 1 make CENTS. Generally, this will be 0.

Over a month, that might be 150 ideas where 60 could even fit me on a first pass. With the second pass of my core values and mission statement, those 60 might dwindle to 20. Out of those 20, maybe only 1 will make CENTS in the way I view CENTS.

Now I don't feel bad about the ideas I don't execute on. They just were not a fit passing through the funnel of my core values, mission statement, and priorities. The ones that do pass sit in my head and go through another pass several times until I find something that could be really workable.

By that time, I look at it as CENTS and many I give up on at that point for one reason or another.

The ones that make it past CENTS, I try to work in as goals and outsource as much work as I can on it while I still work on my main focus ( my SaaS or consulting ). This way, I don't take my eyes off my main businesses while still being able to work on new ideas.

As time has passed, I have added more filters to business ideas that are outside of CENTS or my core values. This is purely personal and something that might not even apply to you. For example, I have started requiring that workable ideas have to be entirely online or within a specific set of niches. Or that it has to be be delegatable from day 1 instead of me "doing it" and then trying to pass it on to someone else later. Or that it must have a definable exit plan from day 1 too.

Stuff like that, that is maybe outside of my core values or CENTS. You would have to create this yourself as time goes on to what fits you though.

Doing this has helped me go from 150 ideas that never get worked on per month, to maybe ( if I'm lucky ) 1 really workable idea a month that I can pass to someone else to get started for me while I still work on my main business. Many months go by I have 0, so it's not like it's a new race every month to start something new.

 

[srodrigo]

The ideas never stop. I feel it's part of an INTJ/INTP 5W4 whatever.

Not saying others don't have ideas or can't, just putting pressure on the number of ideas and non-stop activity of those types with their brain.

As far as execution and not having it for all of these ideas, I use to feel bad and thought I was wasting all these ideas by not executing on them.

Before I knew about the MBTI and Enneagram and other tests, I just felt like a loser with ideas and no execution.

Afterward, I learned that's what is normal for me ( the stream of non-stop ideas ) and there is no possible way I have enough time in the world to even finish them, let alone try to start all of them. But it was also afterward that I started down the road of core values, a mission statement, priorities and more.

While the ideas never stop, my core values and mission statement essentially funnel what ideas I could even consider good ones ( good as in what fits me, not good for money-making ).

So while I still might have 5 ideas a day, only maybe 2 of them are even a GOOD FIT FOR ME and match my core values, mission statement, and priorities.

Out of those 2, maybe 0 or 1 make CENTS. Generally, this will be 0.

Over a month, that might be 150 ideas where 60 could even fit me on a first pass. With the second pass of my core values and mission statement, those 60 might dwindle to 20. Out of those 20, maybe only 1 will make CENTS in the way I view CENTS.

Now I don't feel bad about the ideas I don't execute on. They just were not a fit passing through the funnel of my core values, mission statement, and priorities. The ones that do pass sit in my head and go through another pass several times until I find something that could be really workable.

By that time, I look at it as CENTS and many I give up on at that point for one reason or another.

The ones that make it past CENTS, I try to work in as goals and outsource as much work as I can on it while I still work on my main focus ( my SaaS or consulting ). This way, I don't take my eyes off my main businesses while still being able to work on new ideas.

As time has passed, I have added more filters to business ideas that are outside of CENTS or my core values. This is purely personal and something that might not even apply to you. For example, I have started requiring that workable ideas have to be entirely online or within a specific set of niches. Or that it has to be be delegatable from day 1 instead of me "doing it" and then trying to pass it on to someone else later. Or that it must have a definable exit plan from day 1 too.

Stuff like that, that is maybe outside of my core values or CENTS. You would have to create this yourself as time goes on to what fits you though.

Doing this has helped me go from 150 ideas that never get worked on per month, to maybe ( if I'm lucky ) 1 really workable idea a month that I can pass to someone else to get started for me while I still work on my main business. Many months go by I have 0, so it's not like it's a new race every month to start something new.

Thanks for taking the time to reply in detail, Jason. This is a piece of gold I'll keep working on until I get it right.

I'm a INFJ, close to INTJ, and 5w4 too. Having so many ideas and being pulled in so many directions that we don't get anything done is pretty bad. It needs to stop for me too. So what you found that works for you, might work for me too. I'll definitely give it a try and create my own version of the framework.

I stopped for a few minutes here:

While the ideas never stop, my core values and mission statement essentially funnel what ideas I could even consider good ones ( good as in what fits me, not good for money-making ).

I think people with our personality types prioritise fulfilment over money-making. This is tricky, and can create a big conflict when you really need the money for whatever reason. Sometimes, it's difficult to align personal values with business/work and priorities.

I'll go through the thread again for the details of your summary above. Thank you so much for your guidance, I really appreciate it.

 

[eliquid]

I stopped for a few minutes here:


I think people with our personality types prioritise fulfilment over money-making. This is tricky, and can create a big conflict when you really need the money for whatever reason. Sometimes, it's difficult to align personal values with business/work and priorities.

I'll go through the thread again for the details of your summary above. Thank you so much for your guidance, I really appreciate it.

I agree.

But it's also why I pass these ideas through the CENTS stuff as well from @MJ DeMarco.

We gotta pay the bills right? It's gotta make CENTS too before I can work on it.

The reason I make it pass through my core values, mission statement, priorities, and outside filters ( must be digital, must be X or Y, etc ) is that while I I do need money to survive, I've done a ton of things for just "money".

And I've had my times where I made bundles of it. But I was always misrable too doing it. Which lead ironicly to the writing of this thread and process years ago ( reread if need be ). Making money to make money was a never ending cycle. It never was enough no matter how much I made.

So yeah, now I make it pass through my core values first, then make it pass through CENTS later ( or some other fininacial framework you may have ).

If you don't, here is what you may end up with:


Without core value fit

1. 150 ideas, 30 of which can make you money. You try to do all 30 and fail. You feel like you wasted time and were misrable. Going through all 30 took about 2 years total. What a waste of time too.

Or

2. 150 ideas, 30 of which could make you money. You try to do all 30 and only 1 makes money. You hate doing it though. So while it makes you money, you end up hating it because for some reason dropshipping and selling on Amazon just doesnt fit you entirely, but hey it pays the bills and you just do it over and over every day. Going through all 30 took about 2 years total until you hit the one that worked.. the one making you money but you hate.


With core value fit

Or

3. You have 150 ideas, you find 60 that could fit you to a T.. you dindle that down to 10 that fit you to a T on a 2nd pass. Of those 10 you find 1 that meets a financial framework like CENTS but also fits any outside filters you set up ( must be digital, must be X niche, etc ). It fails horribly and makes no money. In the end, this is kinda better than #1 above because not only did you work on ONLY 1 project instead of 30, but you also enjoyed the project too and maybe learned something and were focused. Instead of going through 2 years of trail and error with 30 projects like above, you maybe spent 3-6 months on this 1 project, but had fun doing it and learned a lot since you were engaged.

Or

4. You have 150 ideas, you find 60 that could fit you to a T.. you dindle that down to 10 that fit you to a T on a 2nd pass. Of those 10 you find 1 that meets a financial framework like CENTS but also fits any outside filters you set up ( must be digital, must be X niche, etc ). Instead of going through 2 years of trail and error with 30 projects like above, you maybe spent 3-6 months on this 1 project. You love working on it and get it to break even. You aren't losing money or making it, but because you enjoy what you do you press forward and end up making it work and making good money. You wake up every day not dreading to "dropship another widget" or "field client requests" or "build an adsense site", you wake up actually liking what you do because it fits you. That fit helped pushed you when times were bad or down because you liked doing it and it didn't feel like a boring cycle of depression.

In the end, having things fit my core values just gives me an overall better outcome, even if I failed.

Just make sure you pass all those ideas that fit you through a financial framework like CENTS to make sure the stuff you are working on, that passes your core values, can potentially make you revenue.
.

 

[srodrigo]

I agree.

But it's also why I pass these ideas through the CENTS stuff as well from @MJ DeMarco.

We gotta pay the bills right? It's gotta make CENTS too before I can work on it.

The reason I make it pass through my core values, mission statement, priorities, and outside filters ( must be digital, must be X or Y, etc ) is that while I I do need money to survive, I've done a ton of things for just "money".

And I've had my times where I made bundles of it. But I was always misrable too doing it. Which lead ironicly to the writing of this thread and process years ago ( reread if need be ). Making money to make money was a never ending cycle. It never was enough no matter how much I made.

So yeah, now I make it pass through my core values first, then make it pass through CENTS later ( or some other fininacial framework you may have ).

If you don't, here is what you may end up with:


Without core value fit

1. 150 ideas, 30 of which can make you money. You try to do all 30 and fail. You feel like you wasted time and were misrable.

Or

2. 150 ideas, 30 of which could make you money. You try to do all 30 and only 1 makes money. You hate doing it though. So while it makes you money, you end up hating it because for some reason dropshipping and selling on Amazon just doesnt fit you entirely, but hey it pays the bills and you just do it over and over every day.


With core value fit

Or

3. You have 150 ideas, you find 60 that could fit you to a T.. you dindle that down to 10 that fit you to a T on a 2nd pass. Of those 10 you find 1 that meets a financial framework like CENTS but also fits any outside filters you set up ( must be digital, must be X niche, etc ). It fails horribly and makes no money. In the end, this is kinda better than #1 above because not only did you work on ONLY 1 project instead of 30, but you also enjoyed the project too and maybe learned something and were focused.

Or

4. You have 150 ideas, you find 60 that could fit you to a T.. you dindle that down to 10 that fit you to a T on a 2nd pass. Of those 10 you find 1 that meets a financial framework like CENTS but also fits any outside filters you set up ( must be digital, must be X niche, etc ). You love working on it and get it to break even. You aren't losing money or making it, but because you enjoy what you do you press forward and end up making it work and making good money. You wake up every day not dreading to "dropship another widget" or "field client requests" or "build an adsense site", you wake up actually liking what you do because it fits you. That fit helped pushed you when times were bad or down because you liked doing it and it didn't feel like a boring cycle of depression.

In the end, having things fit my core values just gives me an overall better outcome, even if I failed.

Just make sure you pass all those ideas that fit you through a financial framework like CENTS to make sure the stuff you are working on, that passes your core values, can potentially make you revenue.
.

Thanks again. This is something most people I've seen don't really talk about. I've been at 2 and 3, and 3 was enjoyable even if it made just a few cents. I still need 2 to pay bills, but I'm aiming for 4. I need to figure out what 4 looks like first.

I think this thread really deserves GOLD.

 

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[Ing]

Amazing. When I allow myself to take answers, which I normaly cant allow due to my moral standarts but want in that moment, the results don’t change signif.
Maybe an E instead an I, but the main things stay.

 

[MattPo]

I love this whole thread! Thank, Thank you @eliquid for starting it and sharing everything, experiences and framework!

Last year I have defined my core values and mission statement ánd I completely agree it's a hard work! In order to get to the core (as close a possible) I did a lot of therapy, discovery of selt-limiting believes, family constellations, coaching, Ayahuasca and meditations in order to develop a better "observer of myself" and with each step I came closer! Unfortunatelly I got lost on the way to do more work here due to unexpected events in the last 8 months AND reading your posts just inspired me and motivated me like crazy to continue, continue, continue to get more clarity of who I really am and want to be and which career and business to pursue in the next 1, 5, 10 years!!!

I really like your link between the MBTI, Enneagram and Strengthfinder. I did all of them, but I need to to them more often now to get more statistical significance. Thank you for this advice.
And then your idea evaluation framework from above. It's GOLD! Something I was always looking for to establish for myself to evaluate my ideas.

So my values are:

• Integrity
• Freedom
• Empathy
• Creativity
• Courage
• Wisdom
• Curiosity
• Discipline

I still have to create my own definitions for the values as I borrowed the current ones from here: Alles über Werte (in German only). Especially, how I see the value freedom which leads to CHAOS in an extreme version (like it has happened in some areas of my life). Maybe it also goes into the direction of Autonomy.

My Mission Statement so far:
To bravely walk on unkown paths in my own way and to inspire and to creatively teach others to do the same.

MBTI (Based on one test only)
Year 2015: ENTJ-A (Before Self-Dev. Journey)
Year 2018: ENFP-A
August 2020: INFJ-A

The interesting part is here, that in February 2019, after I did the 10days-Vipassana Meditation retreat which I hugly recommend, I become more introverted. From 36% (2018) to 51% (2020). The test "Locus of Control" from the forum also confirmes that.

Enneagram (2019) Type 2 and have to redo the test again.

My goals is to have a business like yours which is also aligned with my values and mission statement, as I believe that's the only way to go to make me happy and motivated doing it longterm.

@eliquid
How do you set your priorities?
And is discipline for you a value or temporal priority?

Cheers and back to work (on myself)
Mateusz

 

[eliquid]

I love this whole thread! Thank, Thank you @eliquid for starting it and sharing everything, experiences and framework!

Last year I have defined my core values and mission statement ánd I completely agree it's a hard work! In order to get to the core (as close a possible) I did a lot of therapy, discovery of selt-limiting believes, family constellations, coaching, Ayahuasca and meditations in order to develop a better "observer of myself" and with each step I came closer! Unfortunatelly I got lost on the way to do more work here due to unexpected events in the last 8 months AND reading your posts just inspired me and motivated me like crazy to continue, continue, continue to get more clarity of who I really am and want to be and which career and business to pursue in the next 1, 5, 10 years!!!

I really like your link between the MBTI, Enneagram and Strengthfinder. I did all of them, but I need to to them more often now to get more statistical significance. Thank you for this advice.
And then your idea evaluation framework from above. It's GOLD! Something I was always looking for to establish for myself to evaluate my ideas.

So my values are:

• Integrity
• Freedom
• Empathy
• Creativity
• Courage
• Wisdom
• Curiosity
• Discipline

I still have to create my own definitions for the values as I borrowed the current ones from here: Alles über Werte (in German only). Especially, how I see the value freedom which leads to CHAOS in an extreme version (like it has happened in some areas of my life). Maybe it also goes into the direction of Autonomy.

My Mission Statement so far:
To bravely walk on unkown paths in my own way and to inspire and to creatively teach others to do the same.

MBTI (Based on one test only)
Year 2015: ENTJ-A (Before Self-Dev. Journey)
Year 2018: ENFP-A
August 2020: INFJ-A

The interesting part is here, that in February 2019, after I did the 10days-Vipassana Meditation retreat which I hugly recommend, I become more introverted. From 36% (2018) to 51% (2020). The test "Locus of Control" from the forum also confirmes that.

Enneagram (2019) Type 2 and have to redo the test again.

My goals is to have a business like yours which is also aligned with my values and mission statement, as I believe that's the only way to go to make me happy and motivated doing it longterm.

@eliquid
How do you set your priorities?
And is discipline for you a value or temporal priority?

Cheers and back to work (on myself)
Mateusz

For priorities,
I just simply look at, what's important to me?

Lots of things can come up, but somethings there are just no question on how important they are.

These things aren't negotiable.

That makes up my priorities.

As far as discipline, its a temporal priority for me.

 

[eliquid]

Due to the success of another similar thread on this forum, thought I would bump as the holiday season can lead to some being depressed and also lead to some to rethink their year and goals for next year.

 

[Paul David]

Due to the success of another similar thread on this forum, thought I would bump as the holiday season can lead to some being depressed and also lead to some to rethink their year and goals for next year.

Great thread.

I think it's going to be a lot worse this winter with depression. My area in the UK is about to be plunged into lockdown again for possibly 6 months. Bars, gyms, etc all closed. Can't leave the area unless it's essential and you must be back before midnight.

Supposed to be going to Greece in 2 weeks.

Thousands upon thousands of people all going to end up depressed and lost their livelihood all to protect a tiny percentage of the population dying from Covid. It's absolutely ridiculous.

 

[eliquid]

Bumping again as we get into the Holidays and I know some people can naturally get depressed.

Also a lot of people start thinking about new and different life choices this time of year as we head into 2021.

Has being shut in ( any of you that did ), during the Pandemic gave any one time to reflect and think about this?

Thanks!

 

[LuckyPup]

Due to the success of another similar thread on this forum, thought I would bump as the holiday season can lead to some being depressed and also lead to some to rethink their year and goals for next year.

Good reminder this time of year - or any. Much appreciated.

 

[eliquid]

The New Year has been in full effect now for almost 2 weeks.

Have you already failed at your goals?

Still lost, wondering which direction to go?

Did you do this exercise again ( or at all )?

Bumping for the new year's crowd

 

[bitgiggy]

Just read through all of this thread, thank you. I am struggling right now just to move forward with anything, I get distracted too easily by the next shiny object and go down deep rabbit holes, overcomplicating everything. I am hoping that getting to understand my core values as well as my personality will help clear things up for me.