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NOTABLE! Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

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eliquid

( Jason Brown )
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
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May 29, 2013
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I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.

Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.

My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.

I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....

Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.

In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.

These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life well before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.

But see, life is funny in that way. You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.

In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It wasn't my first. It was one of many and it was not my last either.

However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself still depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.

So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.

The story jumps to the present day now below:


The Post

Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.

But the big question is, what is it I want?

And what do I do when my want's change?

It's been proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

In 2015, my core values were:
  • Individuality
  • Freedom
  • Trust
  • Simplicity
  • Activeness

These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
  • Simplicity
  • Creativity
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Stability
  • Autonomy
Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...

It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.

So why is this important?

As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.

Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.

If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.

For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:

"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.

An example of this might be:
  • Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No ( to me ).
    • I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
  • Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
    • It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
  • Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
    • It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
    • However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.
A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.

You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, it's your dream house, it's just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.

But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.

So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder you're miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder you're sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).

Get the picture?

Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.

Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.

BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business. And yes, I feel if you have a business that you should have values for it too.

One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.

My priorities for 2015 where these:
  • Family
  • Charity & Faith
  • Building Net Worth
I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year ( most likely will stay the same ) since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.

Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.

For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere since it doesn't align with a few of my values. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my values and priorities in the future.

I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.

And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.

This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.

You may even need to be like me and figure out your values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.

Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.

Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me, stuff that fits into my values.

Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
  • Simple - It's not hard to write content ( for me that is )
  • Creative - I can write about any topic. And when I pick one, any idea in that topic. All with a touch of flair
  • Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise ( compared to a job )
  • Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
  • Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects
So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.

Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire like I did prior.

It's not hard to prove either.

Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.

You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?


Do yourself a favor....
  1. Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
  2. Make a mission statement around them
  3. Figure out your top 3 priorities
  4. Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
  5. Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
  6. In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.

Keep reading the thread in post below, I get into how to use this to find out what business you should start using personality tests and more....

.
 

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Last edited:

eliquid

( Jason Brown )
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
May 29, 2013
1,600
7,881
1,716
Louisville - Kentucky
Give me a little bit of time. I still have more to post that fits in CENTS and other ideas/topics too.

I had to post this for now because the post was getting messed up in the writing window here.

More will follow below

.
 

eliquid

( Jason Brown )
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
May 29, 2013
1,600
7,881
1,716
Louisville - Kentucky
I did that initial write up a while ago, but this is a podcast I made recently about the same topic

Podcast 9 - Core Values And Your Success

I still have more to post, just getting it all in is taking some time.

.
 

eliquid

( Jason Brown )
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
May 29, 2013
1,600
7,881
1,716
Louisville - Kentucky
I'm also going to touch on Enneagrams and Myers Briggs personality types because this touches on the WHY behind your values and desires as well as marketing within your business to your customers.

.
 

Bdenner64

Silver Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jul 26, 2017
290
648
272
24
Boulder, CO
Your stuff is always really great @eliquid.

So far so good here and I'm looking forward to reading more. As for getting in touch with yourself and figuring out your core values/mission statement/goals what has worked for you? I've always had trouble digging deep and truly coming up with something meaningful.
 

404profound

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Aug 27, 2017
1,413
2,895
667
Desert of Desertion
I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.

However, I'm going for my 3rd Gold on purpose with this thread.

Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.

My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.

And yes, I posted this on another forum first. Why? I didn't know how some of you would take it. So I decided to post it elsewhere, get feedback, and refine it for here. Kinda like how Seinfeld and other comics try out their new jokes on smaller venues before doing them in front of larger crowds.

I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....

Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.

In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.

These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.

But see, life is funny in that way.You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.

In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It was one of many and it was not my last. However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.

So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.

I didn't post this background information elsewhere. I wanted you all to know the background so you could see where I was coming from and why I posted it. The story jumps to the present day now below:

The Post

Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.

But the big question is, what is it I want?

And what do I do when my want's change?

It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

In 2015, my core values were:
  • Individuality
  • Freedom
  • Trust
  • Simplicity
  • Activeness

These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
  • Simplicity
  • Creativity
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Stability
  • Autonomy
Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...

It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.

So why is this important?

As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.

Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.

If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.

For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:

"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.

An example of this might be:
  • Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
    • I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
  • Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
    • It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
  • Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
    • It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
    • However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.
A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.

You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.

But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.

So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).

Get the picture?

Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.

Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.

BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.

One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.

My priorities for 2015 where these:
  • Family
  • Charity & Faith
  • Building Net Worth
I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.

Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.

For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.

I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.

And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.

This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.

You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.

Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.

Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.

Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
  • Simple - It's not hard to write content
  • Creative - I can write about any topic and any when I pick one, any idea in that topic with a touch of flair
  • Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
  • Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
  • Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects
So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.

Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.

It's not hard to prove either.

Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.

You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?


Do yourself a favor....
  1. Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
  2. Make a mission statement around them
  3. Figure out your top 3 priorities
  4. Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
  5. Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
  6. In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.
Love this post. I have done several core value exercises over the past few years. For comparison (not that a comparison offers anything of value beyond observation), mine were;

1. Autonomy
2. Venture
3. Influence
4. Conceive
5. Calmness

I like that you crafted a mission statement, I hadn't gotten that far. I'll give it a whirl here;

" Conceive novel solutions that influence others through a venture that affords me autonomy and a calm environment."

... sounds viable. I think this fits the mold of copywriting relatively well, which is my current path of choice.

Now for goals!

Thanks for the mind stretch.

- Cheers
 

Tanishatheangel

Bronze Contributor
Sep 22, 2017
117
121
65
27
life
I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.

However, I'm going for my 3rd Gold on purpose with this thread.

Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.

My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.

And yes, I posted this on another forum first. Why? I didn't know how some of you would take it. So I decided to post it elsewhere, get feedback, and refine it for here. Kinda like how Seinfeld and other comics try out their new jokes on smaller venues before doing them in front of larger crowds.

I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....

Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.

In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.

These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.

But see, life is funny in that way.You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.

In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It was one of many and it was not my last. However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.

So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.

I didn't post this background information elsewhere. I wanted you all to know the background so you could see where I was coming from and why I posted it. The story jumps to the present day now below:

The Post

Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.

But the big question is, what is it I want?

And what do I do when my want's change?

It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

In 2015, my core values were:
  • Individuality
  • Freedom
  • Trust
  • Simplicity
  • Activeness

These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
  • Simplicity
  • Creativity
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Stability
  • Autonomy
Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...

It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.

So why is this important?

As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.

Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.

If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.

For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:

"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.

An example of this might be:
  • Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
    • I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
  • Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
    • It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
  • Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
    • It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
    • However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.
A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.

You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.

But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.

So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).

Get the picture?

Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.

Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.

BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.

One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.

My priorities for 2015 where these:
  • Family
  • Charity & Faith
  • Building Net Worth
I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.

Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.

For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.

I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.

And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.

This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.

You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.

Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.

Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.

Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
  • Simple - It's not hard to write content
  • Creative - I can write about any topic and any when I pick one, any idea in that topic with a touch of flair
  • Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
  • Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
  • Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects
So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.

Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.

It's not hard to prove either.

Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.

You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?


Do yourself a favor....
  1. Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
  2. Make a mission statement around them
  3. Figure out your top 3 priorities
  4. Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
  5. Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
  6. In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.


i completely get this but right now at the stage im at im temporarily giving up my values to earn $10 an hour until i can get a $4,000 car to get by, my own apartment and the ability to have some money to save up for my business, so im not quite there yet but who knows what the future could hold so i'll keep this in mind
 

eliquid

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Your stuff is always really great @eliquid.

So far so good here and I'm looking forward to reading more. As for getting in touch with yourself and figuring out your core values/mission statement/goals what has worked for you? I've always had trouble digging deep and truly coming up with something meaningful.

There are a few that helped me. Some I will speak about now... some I will need to speak about later as it touches the future posts in this thread.

I think overwhelmingly I had to be honest with myself. Really get to the core of myself without outside influences trying to win over a different term/choice.

For example, we all more then likely want to be rich. Have a fast/awesome car, go on vacations, know lots of famous people, etc. That's a worldly view that was injected in me when I was young.

But do I really want a fast car? Really?

Why do I want a fast car?
  • Because it's cool
Why do I need a cool car?
  • I'll have chicks and lots of friends
Why do I need chicks and lots of friends
  • Because I don't want to be a lonely loser
Why do you think you will be a lonely loser
  • Because I didn't have cool things as a kid and I was lonely and I hated that
Why is that so awful and bad? Why do you feel you need friends to lift you up
  • You fill in the blank here and hit your core

By the time you get to the red, you should really know somewhat what's really driving you to your "wants" and "needs". You'll get a taste of your core.

You might have to do this several times over and over though. You'll want to ask slightly different questions on each why to really hone in on things.

When I did this exercise I questioned everything I did and I changed the questions each time I did it. I spent weeks on this ( not 24 hours a day though ).

The 3rd or 4th time I did the "car" example above, the red outcome changed 3x. The last change was the real driving force I had and I realized having a fast car wasn't the answer, but something else entirely. That "something else" lead me to one of my values.


I also had to understand that what 1 value meant to me, could mean something else to you and something else to my mother. I needed to pick the meaning based on ME and not outside influences.

For example, the word freedom means different things to people on this forum. When I first picked freedom, I was using it as how I thought most people would interpret it. It just didn't sit well for me after a few days. I realized that what I thought was freedom, was really autonomy to me. Someone else might mix autonomy and freedom together though. In the end, I realized I had to go with the words and meanings that were important to me.


Also, doing the Enneagram, Myers-Briggs, Strengths Finder, and a few other tests helped me find my values. I actually came up with my values after many many many tries at asking the right WHYs and evaluating word choices and meanings. Later on, I did the MBTI and Enneagram and Strengths Finder tests and many of the values I picked out, came out in those tests so they basically confirmed what I already had picked.

However, someone could take them and do the extra work involved afterward ( studying the results ) and come up with theirs that way. Of note, these tests do not actually give you your values. Once I learned what I was in each, I did further research on my own on those results and found the connections to my values in that later research.

For example, in MBTI I am an INTJ-T. I researched afterward for a few weeks and found some research that indicated that INTJs tend to lean on certain values. For the Enneagram I did the same and found out I was a 5w4 sx which a lot of INTJ's are ( 5w6 and 5w4 ) and found some research about values 5w4's have. Etc....

It was a good feeling to get the confirmation though. My extensive and exhaustive WHY exercise along with gut checks and understandings of term choices really felt like it paid off.

I started off with a huge list of values, like 30+.

I went to different websites just to look at what values even were. Some sites had a lot, some had a few. I put them all in one huge list and spent days going over it again and again until I got to around 30 that I felt fit me.

After that, I spent a lot of time asking myself which really fit me and which ones were similar that I could maybe get rid of.

Day after day, I went from 30 to 25 to 20 to 15 to 10 to 7 to 6 to just 5 core values that I knew felt right to me and fit me.

5 is not a magic number. At 5 I knew I couldn't take away any more. I also knew I didn't want to add back in what I already took away to make it larger than 5 again.

I did the same for the mission statement.

I probably wrote that out 100 times using all the words from the 5 values I had. When I nailed it, I knew those values really fit me because the mission statement stood out as something I knew wouldn't change.

Even to this day in 2017, the original list of values and mission statement didn't change much from 2015. Some of the words are different and the outline is a bit different, but the WHYs are the same behind it and not much really changed.

I did grow and mature and my needs somewhat changed and that's the main reason for the value and mission statement change. It wasn't because I picked the wrong things and needed to pivot. However, the majority is the same.

  1. But it all starts with being brutally honest.

  2. Then it transforms to "what's the real WHY".

  3. Then it's the hard work you need to put in to make sure what you pick, is really you and not some outside influence. This is maybe the hardest part because I've watched some people do it in just 5 minutes. I have to question if they really are in tune with themselves at their core everyday to really be happy with that 5 minute decision they made. I spent weeks/months on this little by little, I had to find my core.. are other people really at their core so much this can be done in 5 minutes?

  4. Then it was confirming it with time and outside tests like MBTI. My values and mission statement stood the test of time and another revision pretty much. I also got confirmation from other outside tests.

If you know anything about INTJs, you know we love to be analytical. That could be 50% of the reason I did this so exhaustingly.

It had to be right. Because at the end of the day, we're talking about your happiness and your future success. I can't see too many things much higher than that outside of family.

It was worth all the time and effort.

.
 
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eliquid

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Here are a couple lists of values. You can find more if you search on Google, but I got my start with these:

List of Values - Steve Pavlina
Core Values List with 500 Examples - Threads
Core Values List: Over 50 Common Personal Values

I combined them all into 1 huge list, dedup'd the list, and starting crossing out the ones I knew I didn't care about or feel anything about.

After that, I looked up the words I didn't know or understand well and crossed out more I didn't feel in my gut.

What was left was still a large list, but I took the action to start saying things like, "Am I really a person that values Honesty, or is it Truth I really value?". These things look and seem really similar, so I had to think about which one was more "me" and the WHY behind it.

After a few go arounds, I ended up with a little over 30+.

That's when the fun kicks in because for me personally I needed to take a break and come back to that list of 30+ every few days and whittle away some a few at a time. Sometimes I added them back in and took another out instead.

I took my time because I didn't want my mood, memory, or outside influences to persuade me. I also wanted my subconscious to think about the list in it's own time and help me sort out what was really me.

Eventually, I got down to 5. The hardest stretch was the time period between 10 and 5 because it was a real battle to keep chipping away at who I really was. This period took the longest and really made me question some deep held beliefs I had my whole life. It also helped me uncover some surprising WHYs I never really thought about before in my life.

When I say this is life changing, I mean it on so many other levels.

.
 

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Good post. To be honest I skimmed this (although very slowly), but I do agree with it.

I've been feeling this nagging feeling recently, and its definitely because of a misalignment of my values.
 

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eliquid

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When I got down to my 5 core values, I took a break for about 2 weeks.

I didn't take immediate action.

I let it sink in this is who I am and asked myself how I felt about it. I wanted to make sure it was "right" and "felt good" so I didn't have any issues going forward.

Once I took that breather and I knew nothing would get changed on my list, I made my mission statement.

It took me a while to really understand the mission statement. I didn't want to box myself into anything that was too confined, but I wanted something that would help me define projects and later goals too.

In the end, I probably wrote it out 100 times until it really sat well with me:
"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

The mission statement uses all the words from my 5 values.

Once I understand the real WHY behind each of my values, I understood why this mission statement was perfect. Let me explain a little how I view the meaning of each value to me personally. Maybe that will help with how I finally created the mission statement that was right for me:

Simplicity - I love simple strategies, solutions, and outcomes. Kinda odd for an INTJ ( how other people see it ), but I feel that I love to take complex things, use a ton of analysis and thought and complex mapping, and spit out a simply beautiful answer to it all. Anytime my life was simple, I loved it. Anytime my life was complex, I hated it. Simple to me is easy and I'd rather sometimes take a simple solution over the right solution depending on the case.

Creativity - I use to value individuality. By asking tough WHYs and getting deep, I realized it wasn't about being individual, it was about expressing my creativity. If I am creative, I will an individual by default. Is it no wonder I grew up building things, designing things, and trying to break the mold in everything I did? I realized the root was trying to let my creativity out. The fact I scored a 5w4 and not a 5w6 on my Enneagram backs this up.

Entrepreneurship - I've worked a lot of jobs for other people. I always hated it. I do have somewhat an authority issue, but not because I'm jealous or hateful/resentful, but because I feel titles mean nothing without proof of how you got the title of authority in the first place. Just because you came out of college, stayed in your job for 3 years and got the title of VP of Marketing, doesn't mean I respect you or you have authority over me. Can you run a multi-million dollar company on your own dime with no outside help? If not, don't think you will be my authority just because you have the title. Also, I learned a job didn't let me be creative ( see value ), it wasn't stable ( another value ), it didn't provide autonomy ( see value ) and many times, it wasn't simple. I had limited options in a job and my value ( financial ) was limited to what others thought I was worth. Being an Entrepreneur was going to be my only way out.

Stability - I've been broke, and I've had a ton of money in my bank account. Wanna know what I really loved? Having stability in my life. I didn't have to go to bed worried about bills or how I would provide for my kids and wife. I could chose a stable option over an option that wasn't stable because I didnt have to think about making a few extra dollars to pay bills this month. I didn't have to make rash last minute choices in my life...

Autonomy - I use to list Freedom/Independence here. However I learned that autonomy was the real WHY behind it all. Autonomy is the freedom to pick and chose the options and choices I want, without having to ask permission or have others in the mix. That's what it means for me. This ties in deeply with my other values on different levels.

So when I made my mission statement, I had to think back on my entire life and the good/bad choices I made and why I made them. This lead me to how I felt about each value and what I wanted for my future.

With all of that, I wanted a mission statement that could me to keep me aligned with my values, but also stay flexible enough to fit me uniquely.

Today, when I am faced with an issue I simply look at my mission statement and ask myself, "Am I solving a problem with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy?"

If not, I skip it.

Sometimes problems/issues aren't that simple. Say my water heater goes out. I can't use this mission statement obviously.

However, I might have something come up where a big project lands in my lap.. say being offered a CMO position at an ecommerce giant ( this actually happened to me ).

I'd use my mission statement to help me find the right answer, instead of leaping forward just for the money or title...

Being a CMO of an established larger company is no joke.
  • Is being an CMO simple? No
  • Does being a CMO allow me to be creative? Possibly, but I would have restrictions with brand guidelines or industry regulations
  • Does being a CMO align with entrepreneurship? No
  • Is being a CMO a stable job? I think not because jobs are not stable. Also CMOs tend to leave companies after 3-4 years.
  • Does being a CMO provide autonomy? I say no. Reporting to CEO or board as well as investors on your decisions.
Your thought process might have lead you to different answers than mine above, but this is all about ME. See why that's important in this exercise?

I got several no's and some gray maybes on the CMO choice above. However, it would only take 1 no for me to ditch the opportunity and keep trucking on my already established plan I was on before this opportunity came up.

Taking on a CMO role does not fit my mission statement. It's not me since my values make up my mission statement.

Sure I could have made some good money, but I've been there before and I've been miserable. Ultimately I would have not been happy in that CMO role ( in real life I wasn't when I took it on ) and ended up depressed and miserable because it doesn't align with who I am deep down.

One thing I didn't really touch on was that being a CMO doesn't solve a problem.

It does to the company because they need the solutions a CMO would bring ( as well as filling that role ), but I'm not directly solving a real problem if you know what I mean.

That was a core piece of my mission statement that I built in on purpose. "to solve problems". Without this, my mission statement would be really generic and not have much direction. With it, I have a pretty defined view of the kind of tasks/choices I make.

For example, I might get the idea I want to create a huge Adsense site made from automated spun content ( I've done this before ). Does this project really "solve a problem"? Not really. Not when you really break down what that "problem" actually is.. it's not solving a real problem/need though building a generic spun content Adsense site. It also violates several other of my core values too ( it might be simple, but it's not creative or stable ).

.
 
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eliquid

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So yeah, this is another involved exercise....

Taking a personality test, like the Myers Briggs. You can do it for free over at -> Free personality test | 16Personalities
  • I took it multiple times because sometimes I would get INTJ, sometimes I would get INFJ
  • After taking it every other day for about 2 weeks, I got INTJ 95% of the time
    • I was happy with this statistical relevance
  • I looked up what it meant to be an INTJ -T specifically at several online sites. You can't just learn everything from 1 site, so I spent time researching many sites and forums about INTJs and INTJ -T's if I could find it
  • Everything matched me perfectly, it was crazy, wild, and wicked awesome to learn

So why did I do this?

It helped me understand my weakness and strengths. It also showed me what INTJ's value ( further research after the test ).

Crazy enough, the values the sites broke down for INTJ's were almost 95% spot on with what I picked before I ever did this exercise. How's that for validating?

After learning this, I asked myself some more WHY's and tweaked some of my values a bit.

Sounds like a lot of work, but seriously folks this impacts your life and goals.

Instead of spending time dicking around on FB or making another useless Wordpress site, you could be doing this exercise and learning about your true you so you can improve your life and reach your goals.

I had my wife do the test too, and I learned so much about how to really interact with her and communicate. How to show her love she understands. How to parent my kids even and why she does the things she does... same for me. I learned what makes her tick and how to use that with my personality type.

Now start thinking about this....

This has a real business purpose as well.

I'm not saying you can make employees or customers take this test, but what if you took it and found out about you, and then read the other 15 personalities and learned what made those personalities tick? How could that 10x your business?

As a sales person, you could learn the types and then analyse someone on the spot and assume they are a certain type rather quickly based on some insights.

Personal Example:
  • I'm an INTJ -T. I know everything about this type now. Even the type of careers that these people fit into
    • It said INTJs would be good at web design, online marketing, database analysts, computer systems programmer, attorneys, judges, architects, personal finance planners, stock brokers, non-fiction writers ( and lots more ), and self employed business owner.
    • Is it odd that I personally have either actually done several of these in a job, went to college to study them, or had a keen deep personal interest in them before I ever took this test?
    1. Im an online marketer
    2. I went to college to be an architect
    3. I did web design and programming
    4. I was going to start a personal finance business ( think edward jones )
    5. I traded stock and forex
    6. I'm writing non-fiction
    7. I'm self employed ( it also said INTJ self employed tend to make more when self employed than in a JOB, which was true for me ).
    8. I always thought I would like to have been a lawyer or judge
  • I look at my wife's test and learn about careers and they fit her too before she knew about this test
    • It said they tend to Teachers, stay at home mom's, and healthcare workers
    1. My wife was a nurse before she decided to stay at home and homeschool our children

Wow

So now that I know what she and I value, what careers we would work in, our deep fears ( from the test above ) and what we desire ( also from the test above )... why couldn't I use this in my business and marketing tactics?

What stops me from going to Facebook and targeting all the Lawyers in my local area with an ad for online marketing services using language that only us INTJ's value?

What about hitting up all those nurses with a T-Spring shirt using language about their personality type in the ad too?


The end product doesn't matter, but now I can write an ad or long sales form ( or short ) that really hits their nerves. Their pain points. Their values. Their desires. Their fears

I can speak their language now that I know their personality type and what makes them tick.


Now I must admit something to you, I haven't told you EVERYTHING.

I also took an Enneagram test. Which is similar to personality tests ( where I got the INTJ -t result ). I took mine here -> home

My result came back as 5w4 sx

A type 5 ( the 5 in 5w4 sx ) is a perfect fit for INTJs. I'm starting to see I did all this honestly ( and correctly ) since everything is matching up to other tests now. Yes, I took this test multiple times over a few days too, to ensure it was a match for me.

But read this page about me -> Type Five

It tells me my fears and desires, which are spot on. If I learned other types, that's where I could create a shirt for nurses at T-Spring that could really hit a nerve with them. Same with marketing to Lawyers on Facebook for internet marketing services.. I know most of them will be INTJ's and I know what a lot of their fears and desires will be and I would use that in my copy.

This goes so much deeper than the values test I had you do, or the personality test I had you do. It mimics some of the same stuff, but really drills down a bit more.

When I take all this info in and look back on my values now, which help me shape my goals and priorities, I can start to figure out where I want to take my life and WHY I want to take it there.

I know my WHY, but I can start to figure out other people's WHYs now too.

Ultimately, I would like to use this to interact with my wife and kids better.

Deep down inside, I know I am going to use this for marketing and to talk to my customers better.


OK OK OK

So I know a lot of you really think this might be some BS and it touches on feelings and emotions. Your saying this is some crazy a$$ shit and that everyone has these fears and desires and that if you look hard enough, you will find any info you want to support any topic. You may also be thinking, "well I know who I am already and don't need this".

Trust me, I also thought this. That's why at 39 I am just now really learning about myself.

And this isn't to make me into some tree huggin hippie crystal waving lunatic ( sorry if you are one, I don't mean to offend ).

See, some of these things I *kinda* knew about me. Some of these things I wasn't sure about. But knew I leaned to them and wanted to learn more about.

What really helped me was, I finally got validation that who am I isn't some strange socially awkward recluse that has a huge ego who needs fixing because the world tried to tell me to conform to their standard. That I needed to go out and make friends instead and do XYZ instead.

No, I learned who I am is natural and recognized. I don't have to second guess who I am and what I do. It's ok to not be an extrovert. It's ok that I spend a lot of time reading alone instead of going to parties and drinking and making aimless small talk. My fear of being useless is perfectly valid and I'm not just this depressed person always thinking about. In fact, I'm not depressed at all.. its just a natural fear for someone with my personality type of INTJ and 5W4 actually.

I'm sure you can read into all this and see I had some self-doubt and some self-confidence issues. Mostly because I didn't know or understand myself. I didn't know INTJ was even a thing. I just let the world tell me who I should be ( which BTW was the opppsite ). And even though I always rejected the world, I always had this small part of me that kept telling myself, "what if their right?".

Now that is gone.

Not only is that a burden off my shoulders, but I can focus on my strengths now instead of looking back in a small way. Because now I know my strengths, it isn't a guess anymore or some random introspection that I thought I might be good at because I felt it instead of knowing it.

In the end...
  • I recharge when alone, this is very important and I didn't understand this before. Before I felt guilty not spending time with the wife and kids. While this isn't an excuse to not give them attention, I understand I have to have alone time or else I can't function which removes a lot of that guilt
  • I know what makes me tick, therefor I know what makes others like me tick. I can use this for business gains
  • I know how to interact with my wife and what her needs and desires are a lot better
  • I have a deep sense of my real core values. I also deeply understand WHY I truly do have them
  • I know my weakness. Although I look to improve my strengths more, I know that my personality type naturally puts off health and can get really deep into depression. It isn't just me being lazy or mental. I have to put in efforts to combat this
  • I know my strengths. I use to think being a perfectionist was a weakness. 0-80% is generally better than the 80-95%. However, I know why I am a perfectionist and I see it as a strength now. What I learned from this exercise was HOW TO CONTROL IT so it doesn't overwhelm me.
  • I validated who I am and who I tend to be. This is burden lifted off of me mentally.
  • I know what careers ( and to some extent what business I could open ) that actually fit me. I also know what to stay away from.
  • I can only focus on 1 thing at a time. While we all know multi-tasking is a lie now, focusing on 1 thing is critical for the INTJ. I have to remove distractions more than others.
  • It takes me longer to go to sleep. I have to prepare for this so I get the proper rest because my mind never stops
  • I know why I have 1000 ideas a day, but hardly any execution on those new ideas ( and instead why I execute on my main focus only ). Now I can rework how to overcome this.
  • A lot more shit that would take too long to post here.

Am I happier of fulfilled yet?

I can say honestly I am.

While this is still all new to me and I am making plans based on it, I know I am happier for it.

Now I am working on the fulfilled part and I have a "game plan" and understanding to make it happen which puts me ahead of most of the world.

Im living out who I really am and what I really want. I wouldn't have fully known or understood this without doing these exercises.

The real question is, when are you going to start?

.
 
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eliquid

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Still got more to come.....

Once you get this far you should really know who YOU are and what aligns with you.

Very important to understand because when you jump into business ( next posts ), the business you pick needs to align with you too.

I'll go over how my values, personality type, and CENTS ( from MJ ) helped me pick what business to get into.

.
 

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Still got more to come.....

Once you get this far you should really know who YOU are and what aligns with you.

Very important to understand because when you jump into business ( next posts ), the business you pick needs to align with you too.

I'll go over how my values, personality type, and CENTS ( from MJ ) helped me pick what business to get into.

.

I have been doing these tests off and on for the last few years, digging deeper as I go. The way you approach it is phenomenal and will definitely help me progress. As an ENFP I don't always have the systematic approach down so thank you for that. I can't wait to follow along and learn more from someone else who is using tests like these coupled with their own research to better themselves.

Fun Fact: All these tests told me I should stay away from data centered careers (I.E. Finance, Accounting, Audit) which I worked in constantly my first 6-7 years out of school as a CPA. No wonder the money and titles weren't fulfilling huh? Haha.

If I would have taken these tests in my high school or college years and been shown how to properly assess and use them it would have saved me a ton of heartache. It also would have helped avoid most of those feelings of being constantly lost in multiple facets of my life during that time. It won't solve all your problems, but it is one hell of a tool if you are open to using it.

Thank you again for your continued contribution to the forum @eliquid

Cheers!
 

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Great posts @eliquid as usual!

In my opinion, you have to treat your life like a business. If there is no vision, clearly defined goals, values, and guiding principals, success is impossible. You have to be clear about this, write it down, affirm it to yourself. The biggest change I made in my life was creating an affirmation journal (turned it into a personal APP lol) - every day I "agree" to my affirmations, write down what I learned, how I failed, what I'm grateful for, etc. And then query through it once a month.

Mental programming works, in my opinion. Although I 10000% agree what makes you rich is scale*magnitude - not "positive energy" gurus, etc. But the most important thing in my opinion is to first get your head right, clarify your goals, etc.

I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. And I hate to always sound like I'm overly obsessed with MFL, but it really flipped my whole life upside down. I became national marketing director of a company at 23 years old and I remember specifically thinking "I figured my whole life out so early" and everything would be smooth sailing from there on out - my mind was just locked into something I was programmed to think I wanted.
 

PedroG

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Goldness! This is what I loved about Good Robbins' "Awaken the Giant Within" (not to be confused with 'Bad Robbins' who gives financial advice) .

This is basically the key to happiness and it explains why so many millionaires are miserable. You summed it up perfectly.
 
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JDx

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The 16 personalities test outcome was very interesting to read, and after doing like you suggested (looking up more info on other sites), even on the first attempt the result seems very fitting. This is really interesting to read about when something speaks to you so much and you recognize yourself.
(I got back ISFJ-T by the way). I'll be doing the test again later on to see if anything changes.

Getting a clear view on personal values and goals really makes sense, and is what I think I've been doing all along, without knowing it. Looking at my current life and actions, not everything seems to align.
Food for thought.
Thanks for the write up. Following to read the rest
 

Iammelissamoore

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Wow @eliquid your posts are SPOT ON! I absolutely overstand what you mean as I have been experiencing similar for quite some time now and indeed, the empowering part of the whole equation is really being honest with oneself; this helps in sorting out the b.s. from what is necessary. I have been facing the good, the bad and the ugly about myself, I'm also getting to recognise where my strengths and weaknesses lie, and while I will not know every single thing about me, it IS helping me make changes necessary for me to succeed in different aspects of life.

We often speak about doing uncomfortable, yet sensible things to get ahead on the forum and when we are honest about who we are, what our principles are and the like, it helps overcome the discomfort, as we become more focused on what is important. As you have stated, as we grow on the journey, our core values change, but this is necessary, as life is about evolving and not being stagnant.

Your post helped put into words what I've been going through in my head for a while. Thanks for this, I am saving this post.
 

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MidwestLandlord

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@eliquid , thanks for this thread, and I'm anxious to hear more!

I'm a big fan of the enneagram personality types, and have been learning about them for the last 8 years or so.

I'm an 8w7 (i've taken the test at least 12 times with the same results. It was actually hard to discover my wing at 7 or 9 because I score so solidly as an 8)

Knowing that has helped me tremendously in my life.

When under stress I move towards type 5. In growth I move towards type 2.

So I've learned (am learning) to notice those traits in myself, and intentionally move towards 2 when I am stressed.

Knowing I am a type 8, by far my biggest value is autonomy.

(people familiar with 8's often think we are "controlling", and an unhealthy 8 certainly can be, but a healthy 8 is after autonomy [control over their own lives] which doesn't involve controlling others. By attempting to control others, a type 8 actually gives away their autonomy because controlling others is not possible, so that puts you dependent on their behaviors. TL;DR Outcome independence is big for me)

It also helps knowing I am married to a 5w4. Talk about a crazy mix haha.
 

rollerskates

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We often speak about doing uncomfortable, yet sensible things to get ahead on the forum and when we are honest about who we are, what our principles are and the like, it helps overcome the discomfort, as we become more focused on what is important.

Yes! Focusing on what we are instead of what we are not.
 

eliquid

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Before I get into my other deep posts ( coming up soon, I promise ).. I want to throw one more test at you.

This one is paid ( directly or via a book sale ) and it's the Strength Finder test.

***************

I know some of you feel like if you do all these exercises, it's a lot of work.

It's suppose to be.

You can't take one test/exercise and assume you have all the data. You can't just take the Enneagram test and think you found a shortcut and decide to not do the other tests. Hell, for someone like me I have to take each test multiple times to ensure I am getting the right data.

With that said, I present to you another exercise ( although this is optional, but I feel helpful ). Of note, this exercise costs money ( 2x ).

Strengths Finder 2.0 Book -> Amazon

You don't need to read the book or buy it, but I bought it and read it. My book came with a special code that I can use to take the Strengths Finder test for free.

IF you don't buy that book, you need to purchase the test.

Either way, you give up money to take the test in some fashion.

The test is here -> Gallup Strengths Center Store | gallupstrengthscenter.com

Personally, I bought the more expensive test.

They also offer a Builder Profile test, which is slightly different and more aimed to Entrepreneurs. I would not advise taking only this test as a shortcut. Both tests offer AND do something different for you. The link to this Builder Test is -> About Entrepreneurial Profile 10 | gallupstrengthscenter.com



My Builder Profile looks like this:
https://msnpro1.gallup.com//report-...53f7d2a293d4b92d4419e7ce5fad721fd3c52b18db1e3

The top 4 are the most important out of the 10, and I have to say it fits me like a glove when it comes to business and being an entrepreneur.

While being in business means you may have to wear different hats to get things started and rolling, it's good to also know what you are naturally talented at so you can one day hone in on just these core strengths and insert other people into your business to handle the rest ( things you are not good at ).


I'm not able to post here MY larger and more in-depth StrengthFinder test ( Gallup Strengths Center Store | gallupstrengthscenter.com ) because for one, there is no public URL... and as a PDF, it's pretty big and comes in 5-6 PDF files that are 4-5 pages long each, but I will just let you know it really is a gem to have and very accurate ( for me at least ).

There is some overlap with the other tests here, but this is more focused on strengths and not personality or WHYs. While you can more than likely derive your own strengths by taking the other free tests in this thread, I wanted to take this test myself and see the results.. which I didn't mind paying for.


In the end, this has been a monster thread for me to post because of the research, testing, and sharing I had to do to bring it to you.

While I know a lot of you will read and do these test on your own without posting here, I am concerned for those of you that skim the thread, close it down, and do no action.

Don't pass up this exercise.

You might take all the tests and come out with the idea of, "I already knew all of this" or "I don't agree with the results". However, I think if you do these exercises HONESTLY and several times, everyone will walk away with new insight about themselves and, if you think about it deeply, insight into others that can be used as business gains later in your life.

.
 

eliquid

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Past this post, there will be no more "tests".. I promise.

I know it's a lot to ask of you to do

Going forward I am going to post about everything I learned from these tests and how it helped me pick the right business that fit me.

Stay tuned.

.
 

jlwilliams

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Timely thread. I've been podcasting over revisiting some pages in my journal because I know I haven't connected as planned. I know that I am, in some way.... misaligned.

Perhaps visiting myself via testing to gain a more objective view is in order. Instead of looking at the goals and machinations I laid out then and attempting to force a "correction" on myself I ought to re visit them with an eye toward how to make my goals fit me. Fit the plan to the man instead of fitting the man to the plan.
 

jlwilliams

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After reading this thread and posting my response last night, I took a simple online mbpt test this morning. I didn't like what it said, or even really agree with it. So I took another. Now I have two, vastly different sets of results. Did I let my reaction to the first color my responses to the second? Was the second, more questions with multiple choice options more accurate?

I see the value here, and I see the opportunity for self delusion. There is no one easier to fool than oneself. The stakes are really high because I need accurate, actionable information here.

I'm going to follow this path more seriously than a couple of free online quizzes. The fact that this morning's results are so unsatisfying makes me even more convinced that this is worth the work. It's not a simple, cut and paste project.
 

eliquid

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After reading this thread and posting my response last night, I took a simple online mbpt test this morning. I didn't like what it said, or even really agree with it. So I took another. Now I have two, vastly different sets of results. Did I let my reaction to the first color my responses to the second? Was the second, more questions with multiple choice options more accurate?

I see the value here, and I see the opportunity for self delusion. There is no one easier to fool than oneself. The stakes are really high because I need accurate, actionable information here.

I'm going to follow this path more seriously than a couple of free online quizzes. The fact that this morning's results are so unsatisfying makes me even more convinced that this is worth the work. It's not a simple, cut and paste project.

Yeah, here is my take on what happened to you. Again, its just my take.

It's really hard to be honest with yourself when you are first digging deep into yourself.

That's not a knock on you or anyone else, but it's just hard if you haven't done it lot. I don't know if you have or not, but getting to your core and being BRUTALLY honest with yourself is very difficult when you first start to try to do these exercises.

Here is what I did to overcome that:
  • I took the tests ( notice the plural, I didn't just do 1 or 2 ) once as how I thought I should answer them ( what society taught me )
  • I took the tests once again as someone being brutally honest. Almost Grandpa from "Everyone Loves Ray" TV show.. how I really felt, unashamed
Both are of them were different. One I hated

The one I felt OK and good about, was the one I was brutally honest about. Note I didn't say perfect.

And this wasn't because I needed to retake it until I got a perfect result, this was because I was touching the core me. I wasn't next to the core or snuggled up with the core.. but I was touching it.

Getting to that honesty level became easier for me and allowed me to think and rethink some deep issues and concerns and beliefs.

I took the tests ( again plural ) again as this brutally honest person now. I took it a lot actually as this honest person. By a lot, more than 10 over several weeks with days of rest in between so I didn't simply memorize the answers or skew the data.

After many tries, I came up with INTJ-T for 95% of the results. I knew this was who I was going to be based on that 95% stat.

The funny thing is, the Enneagram and MBTI are very closely related. INTJs will a lot of times be 5w6's, but the important number is the 5.

Other MB types will be another number on the Enneagram too that is highly related. When I took the Enneagram several times and I came out as 5w4 and 5w6, I knew I was getting the right results in the MBTI because a lot of 5's are INTJs. I only had to narrow down the "wing" now which is the w4/w6 part.

As I did more tests, it allowed me to really get deep into my honest core. It also allowed me to check the results against other prior tests to confirm the new tests results, like the Strenght Finder one.

This is kinda like Meditation. You suck when you first do it. Daily practice makes you better at it. This daily touching of your honest core helps you really get in touch with the real you where your core values and beliefs take hold. After you practice it a lot, you get in tune with it.

I think doing the test multiple times, then taking the other tests to confirm findings, will help you find the true you. Further research afterward along with the core values exercise will also get to the root of who you are.

Take it seriously though.

.
 

eliquid

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I wanted to point out once you find your MBTI and Enneagram, you can do further research on speciality forums, blogs, articles, etc that will get into each type further.

One I found rather easy was Pinterest.

I like Pinterest for looking at old cars, recipes for BBQ, etc. I found a INTJ quote and pinned it.

I get a lot of MBTI and Enneagram stuff in my Pinterest feed now. I read all of them. I find myself cracking up at all the INTJ and 5w4 ones, but more importantly I rediscover myself in all of all that. I find out more things I never could validate before, but now can through other people sharing and talking about them.

For example, the INTJ "death stare".. or how INTJ's never pick up the phone when people call... or how its impossible for us to go to sleep at night because of how our brains work.

I mean, before I thought I was this crazy person. My wife would tell me I was nuts for not answering the phone when people called or that I just needed to take some pills to go to bed at night. Or why I am staring at her in a certain way after she said something. I mean, I thought I needed help maybe.

Now I understand Im not crazy, it's who I am and it's a widely known thing. I don't feel bad for not picking up the phone now or staying up late at night because it's not that Im f*cked up or drank too much caffeine and need a Paleo diet, it's because that's how my brain is wired.

Do you see how massively helpful that is? I don't need to see a shrink for my phone "fear" or a Dr. for some pills and my sleep insomnia. I don't need to question myself anymore. At the same time, I realize my weakness and how to actually address them.

In all of it, I learn things about myself I didn't know yet but had thought, "ah yeah" at some point.

It's amazing and almost kinda child-like to be able to shed off a lot of mental weight and just be me again. It also helps direct me to goals and milestones that actually align and make sense now.

I hope all of you can ( if you haven't already ) find out what I found out and then actually use it to scale your life up in the direction that fits you best.

.
 

Thiago Machado

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This is nuts!

I did the same exact thing over the past month.

I took the 16 personalities test a couple of years ago but never knew it was a "real test" that actually helps people.
I thought it was a "for fun" type of thing. But obviously there are huge benefits to it.

I dug up my past emails and funny enough, I got the same result!

I'm an ENFJ and 3W2.

Based on what you said, it seems like I did everything right.

I took it multiple times.
(I got ENP twice and a variation of 3 and 3W2. 95% of the time the result was both ENFJ and 3W2.)

Everything you said is true.
The results from both are very similar and it's crazy how many things we do in life that are in alignment with our personality types.
(I noticed many patterns afterwards).

But enough about me though...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little rant from my part...

In my honest opinion, this should be mandatory reading on the forum, in schools, in the workplace and in life.

Why?

Because nobody teaches this!

People like Gary Vee talk about "find your strengths" and "self awareness"
Tony Robbins and Grant Cardone tell us that: "Massive action solves every problem!"

But what irritates me the most is that they never actually teach you how to DO IT .

Because of this, we spend most our time fighting our own nature.

We take massive action and what we get is more problems.
We wind up doing unfocused work that drains our energy levels.
All because we didn't take the time to figure out who we really are.

Now, I'm not saying taking action is bad. Quite the opposite.
I just feel like they need to say: "figure out what your good at, have a strategy and take massive action."

When we take their advice to heart, we wind up forcing our way through things.
What's said is that 95% of people will never take the time to figure this stuff out and harnesses it to their advantage.

To make things even worse, most people aren't even aware of these tools.
Nobody's teaching these concepts (that's for sure!)

So we end up in a never-ending cycle of doing stuff that "doesn't feel right".

Thank you taking the time to craft this @eliquid!

If the first thing I did was take these tests and write down my values, I could have saved myself a lot of headaches and have more clarity in my life.

In my opinion, this is truly the base of it all.
When you get your mind right, everything flows.

Cheers brother,
 
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