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I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.
Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.
My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.
I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....
Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.
In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.
These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life well before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.
But see, life is funny in that way. You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.
In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It wasn't my first. It was one of many and it was not my last either.
However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself still depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.
So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.
The story jumps to the present day now below:
The Post
Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.
But the big question is, what is it I want?
And what do I do when my want's change?
It's been proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?
In 2015, my core values were:
These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.
So why is this important?
As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.
Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.
If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.
For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:
"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"
If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.
An example of this might be:
You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, it's your dream house, it's just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.
But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.
So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder you're miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder you're sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).
Get the picture?
Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.
Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.
BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business. And yes, I feel if you have a business that you should have values for it too.
One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.
My priorities for 2015 where these:
Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.
For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere since it doesn't align with a few of my values. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my values and priorities in the future.
I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.
And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.
This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.
You may even need to be like me and figure out your values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.
Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.
Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me, stuff that fits into my values.
Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire like I did prior.
It's not hard to prove either.
Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.
You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?
Do yourself a favor....
Keep reading the thread in post below, I get into how to use this to find out what business you should start using personality tests and more....
.
Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.
My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.
I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....
Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.
In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.
These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life well before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.
But see, life is funny in that way. You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.
In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It wasn't my first. It was one of many and it was not my last either.
However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself still depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.
So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.
The story jumps to the present day now below:
The Post
Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.
But the big question is, what is it I want?
And what do I do when my want's change?
It's been proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?
In 2015, my core values were:
- Individuality
- Freedom
- Trust
- Simplicity
- Activeness
These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
- Simplicity
- Creativity
- Entrepreneurship
- Stability
- Autonomy
It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.
So why is this important?
As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.
Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.
If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.
For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:
"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"
If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.
An example of this might be:
- Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No ( to me ).
- I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
- Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
- It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
- Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
- It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
- However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.
You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, it's your dream house, it's just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.
But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.
So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder you're miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder you're sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).
Get the picture?
Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.
Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.
BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business. And yes, I feel if you have a business that you should have values for it too.
One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.
My priorities for 2015 where these:
- Family
- Charity & Faith
- Building Net Worth
Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.
For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere since it doesn't align with a few of my values. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my values and priorities in the future.
I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.
And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.
This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.
You may even need to be like me and figure out your values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.
Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.
Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me, stuff that fits into my values.
Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
- Simple - It's not hard to write content ( for me that is )
- Creative - I can write about any topic. And when I pick one, any idea in that topic. All with a touch of flair
- Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise ( compared to a job )
- Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
- Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects
Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire like I did prior.
It's not hard to prove either.
Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.
You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?
Do yourself a favor....
- Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
- Make a mission statement around them
- Figure out your top 3 priorities
- Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
- Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
- In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.
Keep reading the thread in post below, I get into how to use this to find out what business you should start using personality tests and more....
.
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