Hi all.
Friday 18th January - My "what the F*ck have I done with my life" moment.
8:15am
I am done.
I stand on the side of the M50 motorway in rural England. The green pleasant hills are white with frost. I cannot feel my toes, my ears are burning with cold and my whole body unconsciously shakes. Another bitter chill sweeps through my body as the heavy traffic streams past dragging the icy air through my chilled body. My work shirt, tie and tweed blazer do little to protect my body from the arctic temperatures.
A phone call from the RAC, a brief moment of hope, however, the recovery company does little to warm my soul as they announce that they will be with me by 10.30am. Shit, two more hours in theses freezing conditions. What has my life become!
I walk away from my 12 year old BMW that has 190,00 miles on the clock, looking for a safe place to wait, hoping to find any slight cover from the wind chill.
This is the first real moment that it smacks me in the face.
My mind starts to race, looking for answers;
I think I have done everything right; I did well at school, got skilled in a trade, qualified as an Engineer, did a degree, got a masters degree, became a teacher, climbed the ladder - team leader, head of department and now to curriculum leader. I get paid over £40,000 per year- the most I have ever earnt, I do loads of extra hours, often topping 60 hours per week, and feel like I am making a difference in a job that I mostly enjoy. In fact, I earn more than most people I know but usually appear to have less.
I got married, bought a house - with a mortgage, had children, had a holiday once a year and occasionally buy myself a gadget or toy that the manipulated advertising ploys make me think that I cannot live my life without!
To this point, I have done everything the way I was told to.
So why am I miserable, broke, driving an old banger that has finally had enough and now freezing by testicals off on the side of the motorway? Why am i in this position? Did I miss something?
F*ck, I must have missed something... whack, slap number two...
My mind turns to the recovery truck. Oh no, the policy is in my wife's name, we didn't add me as it wasn't an essential cost, will they charge me? Do I have enough money in the bank to pay them? I check my phone app, crap £37.87 in credit. Shit, payday is another 9 days away; I will be stuck here forever and turn into a block of ice, glistening in the sun that is starting to break through.
Whack - sucker punch number 3.
It hits me.
And I am forced to admit it for the first time.
I am poor.
But how has this happened?
Is it my fault? or have I been mis-sold a dream?
Whatever has happened, it is not going to continue....
Friday 18th January - My "what the F*ck have I done with my life" moment.
8:15am
I am done.
I stand on the side of the M50 motorway in rural England. The green pleasant hills are white with frost. I cannot feel my toes, my ears are burning with cold and my whole body unconsciously shakes. Another bitter chill sweeps through my body as the heavy traffic streams past dragging the icy air through my chilled body. My work shirt, tie and tweed blazer do little to protect my body from the arctic temperatures.
A phone call from the RAC, a brief moment of hope, however, the recovery company does little to warm my soul as they announce that they will be with me by 10.30am. Shit, two more hours in theses freezing conditions. What has my life become!
I walk away from my 12 year old BMW that has 190,00 miles on the clock, looking for a safe place to wait, hoping to find any slight cover from the wind chill.
This is the first real moment that it smacks me in the face.
My mind starts to race, looking for answers;
I think I have done everything right; I did well at school, got skilled in a trade, qualified as an Engineer, did a degree, got a masters degree, became a teacher, climbed the ladder - team leader, head of department and now to curriculum leader. I get paid over £40,000 per year- the most I have ever earnt, I do loads of extra hours, often topping 60 hours per week, and feel like I am making a difference in a job that I mostly enjoy. In fact, I earn more than most people I know but usually appear to have less.
I got married, bought a house - with a mortgage, had children, had a holiday once a year and occasionally buy myself a gadget or toy that the manipulated advertising ploys make me think that I cannot live my life without!
To this point, I have done everything the way I was told to.
So why am I miserable, broke, driving an old banger that has finally had enough and now freezing by testicals off on the side of the motorway? Why am i in this position? Did I miss something?
F*ck, I must have missed something... whack, slap number two...
My mind turns to the recovery truck. Oh no, the policy is in my wife's name, we didn't add me as it wasn't an essential cost, will they charge me? Do I have enough money in the bank to pay them? I check my phone app, crap £37.87 in credit. Shit, payday is another 9 days away; I will be stuck here forever and turn into a block of ice, glistening in the sun that is starting to break through.
Whack - sucker punch number 3.
It hits me.
And I am forced to admit it for the first time.
I am poor.
But how has this happened?
Is it my fault? or have I been mis-sold a dream?
Whatever has happened, it is not going to continue....
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