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I desperately need help

Anything related to matters of the mind

nathanperez

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No matter what I seem to do or achieve, I always hate myself internally and feel like I’m not enough and don't deserve a spot on this earth.

For years now I’ve been ruthlessly pursuing my goals and from the outside perspective a lot of people think that I’m well off. I’m 19 years old making over 6 figures from my business and I’m always complimented on my physique but I still feel like a bum and that no one loves me.

I was bullied in school for being fat which gave me an eating disorder in which I starved myself to near-death twice. I would pass out every day since I’d refuse to eat, cut my wrists, and to this day I still force myself to throw up when I look in the mirror and seem fat. The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

I have low testosterone and heart problems from starving myself to death as a kid, I meet girls but they never love me for who I am, and I have a lot of friends but I’m not close with any of them.

I feel depressed and nothing gives me fulfilment. I never feel happy, no one ever loved/loves me, my family life is bad, I have low confidence, and I missed out on all of high school because I was recovering.

Every day I look at normal teens who naturally have a good physique and don’t need to focus on diet or anything. They have people who love them and good mental health. I wish that was me.

I’ve been lurking this forum for a while now but wanted to make an account because I really need help and don't know what to do. Don’t say go to a therapist because I’ve tried and they never understand me. Also, I’ve already reached decent success (10k/m at 19) but I still feel depressed and useless. I’d really appreciate if anyone can leave some advice for me.
 
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Don’t say go to a therapist because I’ve tried and they never understand me.
Maybe you didn't find the right therapist? I recommend you do seek professional help.

From everything else you've written it seems there's a lot of underlying issues to be resolved.

I think it would help if you can learn how to be happy with what you currently have and where you currently are.

That doesn't mean you can't have goals to improve things, but if you're unhappy and harming yourself (mentally and emotionally as well as physically) then getting to a place of gratitude and contentment would likely be life-changing.

This may sound weird, but try saying this out loud to yourself:

"I am enough. Because I say I am."

Then go live your life.


Something else that always helps me get unstuck is to go help people. While you're helping someone else you're not thinking about your own issues, and you can get a buzz from it. Go volunteer in a soup kitchen, a charity, a dog shelter, or something?


I don't know if this little video might help. I discuss that little "I am enough" hack that can help people get unstuck.
 

heavy_industry

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I'm just going to tag some people here:

@Fox @MTF @ZCP @Johnny boy @Andy Black @heavy_industry @Envision @PureA @Antifragile @Kak

Big thank you to anyone who leaves their 2c.

Thank you for the tag.

I am very reluctant to discuss this and I cannot offer health or mental health advice because I am not a trained professional and I cannot bear any responsibility for anyone else's actions.

What I can do, however, is talk earnestly about my own life experience:


ALL my problems went away after removing all the bullshit from my diet and following a nutritional protocol that aims to minimize neuroinflammation.

Based on this experience and some research into human physiology, I've concluded that most mental illnesses are not psychological in nature, but rather have a very strong biological component - more specifically, inflammation and disruption of the normal brain metabolism.


This is everything that I am going to say.

It's up to you to do your own research. Please consult with a professional healthcare provider.

Good luck.
 
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MTF

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I'm just going to tag some people here:

@Fox @MTF @ZCP @Johnny boy @Andy Black @heavy_industry @Envision @PureA @Antifragile @Kak

Big thank you to anyone who leaves their 2c.

Out of all the people you tagged I'm probably the worst person you tag for this kind of a question. But maybe that will help you somehow...

No matter what I seem to do or achieve, I always hate myself internally and feel like I’m not enough and don't deserve a spot on this earth.

Welcome to the club. I'm like that as well. On most days I feel like a piece of shit. I always put others ahead of me. I won't fight anyone, I won't state my needs, and I don't feel deserving of anything.

I’m 19 years old making over 6 figures from my business and I’m always complimented on my physique but I still feel like a bum and that no one loves me.

Okay, so you're miles ahead of who I was when I was 19. I was a F*cking idiot when I was 19 and I was making maybe $200 a month then and my physique has NEVER been complimented on (to this day). In fact, as far as I remember, I was getting close to my heaviest weight already at 19 and was an acne-ridden weirdo.

The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

Yeah I know the feeling. I'm almost twice your age. I've never been able to get the kind of physique I'd be happy with. All the time I see people doing F*ck all and looking way better. And I have a super clean diet, exercise a lot, prioritize sleep, don't have much stress, etc. I look in the mirror or look at my pictures and I see myself as fat, regardless of my weight. I also have an eating disorder but unfortunately I don't force myself to throw up (that would probably be better than binge eating). So I know how you feel.

Every day I look at normal teens who naturally have a good physique and don’t need to focus on diet or anything. They have people who love them and good mental health. I wish that was me.

At 19, you can't tell what's going to happen to them over time. Chances are, all these people will be F*cking losers when they're 30 while you'll be living like a king. I was bullied when I was a teenager and I've never been cool. But now I live my dream lifestyle while most people hate their lives.

Also, I’ve already reached decent success (10k/m at 19) but I still feel depressed and useless.

Well that's not going to change if you make even more money or get a better physique or whatever. I know from my personal experience.

Unfortunately I can't give you any practical advice. All I want to say is that you tagged me so you assumed I have some kind of advice but we're both in the same boat. Maybe that will give you some consolation.
 

Bekit

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No matter what I seem to do or achieve, I always hate myself internally and feel like I’m not enough and don't deserve a spot on this earth.

For years now I’ve been ruthlessly pursuing my goals and from the outside perspective a lot of people think that I’m well off. I’m 19 years old making over 6 figures from my business and I’m always complimented on my physique but I still feel like a bum and that no one loves me.

I was bullied in school for being fat which gave me an eating disorder in which I starved myself to near-death twice. I would pass out every day since I’d refuse to eat, cut my wrists, and to this day I still force myself to throw up when I look in the mirror and seem fat. The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

I have low testosterone and heart problems from starving myself to death as a kid, I meet girls but they never love me for who I am, and I have a lot of friends but I’m not close with any of them.

I feel depressed and nothing gives me fulfilment. I never feel happy, no one ever loved/loves me, my family life is bad, I have low confidence, and I missed out on all of high school because I was recovering.

Every day I look at normal teens who naturally have a good physique and don’t need to focus on diet or anything. They have people who love them and good mental health. I wish that was me.

I’ve been lurking this forum for a while now but wanted to make an account because I really need help and don't know what to do. Don’t say go to a therapist because I’ve tried and they never understand me. Also, I’ve already reached decent success (10k/m at 19) but I still feel depressed and useless. I’d really appreciate if anyone can leave some advice for me.
Sorry you are going through this. That's a painful and rough situation.

Congrats on the business success so far though!

Here's one thought to chew on.

The difference between hating yourself and not hating yourself is in your mind. YOU will be the same person either way. It doesn't come down to altering who you are in order to fix something. It's not about your physique or your success or your personality or your "standing" in the eyes of others. Even if you were paralyzed, you'd be lovable.

So it doesn't come down to fixing something external.

It comes down to the fact that you have this belief that there's something wrong and hateful about yourself. And that belief is hurting you. And that belief is wrong.

I don't blame you at all for internalizing this belief. You were bullied. But the bullies were wrong about you.

You've got to find a way to get rid of this belief and replace it with a more positive one, or you will keep on hurting.

I echo what others have said about seeking a professional to help sort this out.

Also, when things are dark and nobody around you loves you and you are hurting, please remember that God loves you. The infinite-sized craving for love in the human heart can be met by an infinite fulfilling in the infinite love of God.
 

Andy Black

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Out of all the people you tagged I'm probably the worst person you tag for this kind of a question.
Sounds like you were a pretty good person to tag for this kind of question. OP's thinking is something I struggle to relate to.

But then I read and applied "The Power of Positive Thinking for Young People" when I was 13, so maybe that's partly why I am the way I am?

(^^^ That was a hint btw.)
 
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ZCP

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@nathanperez welcome!
1. join @Subsonic 's call next saturday (Subsonic, put the link here?)
2. do a 2nd post where you talk about all the positives and good things going on in your life. what are you proud of? what are you thankful for? what are you looking forward to?
3. per Tony Robbins, to change your STATE, you need to change your physiology (get up and exercise), your focus (look on the good), your language (speak positively). pull up a YT video and get in peak state!!
1717426366015.png
 

piano

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The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.
eah I know the feeling. I'm almost twice your age. I've never been able to get the kind of physique I'd be happy with. All the time I see people doing F*ck all and looking way better. And I have a super clean diet, exercise a lot, prioritize sleep, don't have much stress, etc. I look in the mirror or look at my pictures and I see myself as fat, regardless of my weight. I also have an eating disorder but unfortunately I don't force myself to throw up (that would probably be better than binge eating). So I know how you feel.
I just want to drop this little thing here because it might help:
I'd look into HIT (high intensity training) by Mike Mentzer.
It's really controversial because of the insanely low sets (leg day consists out of 3 sets if you don't count warm up and abs LOL). I've been training with it since November of last year, though I'd only really count my progress from Febuary/March because I got constantly ill before that.

Anyways, HIT strongly focusses on rest periods and getting the most optimal and efficient way to stimulate muscle growth.

The reason I think it might help you guys is that many people actually train too much.
They train a gazillion sets "with high intensity" however that's often wrong.
When I finish arms+shoulder or chest+back I'm sometimes just one wrong step from F*cking passing out or throwing up everywhere. Not sure if I've ever even seen someone train that hard in my gym.
Then they also train at least 5 times a week without leaving their body with proper rest.

"Fine! Guess I'll only train 3 times a week then! Push on Monday, Legs on Tuesday and pull on Friday! They'll all get adequate rest!"

Wrong, training push also effects many of the muscles on pull day, thus never getting enough rest. Training legs additionally also make a massive inroad because your body now has to focus on repairing even more tissue than before!
Stuff like this is a big part of HIT and is the reason why, and this will sound F*cking nuts, you rest for 4-7 days after EVERY WORKOUT or even longer if you need to!

There's a shit ton to unpack and it all sounds crazy, it did to me.
But there is reason for this and while many things are in fact outdated, you'll still get at least 80% of the most optimal and possible results with just following "bare bones" HIT.

Even if you read about HIT and determine that it's not worth it, you'll have learned a lot.
(these things are not exclusive to only HIT of course, but these are the things I learned):

Pre exhausts, static holds (BRUTAL), proper amount of reps, pausing mid-rep and how slow to do it for most stimulus, the three levels of skeletal muscle strength, adaptation time, going to absolute failure, how to go past the usual failure point, assisted/forced reps, proper warm up, right amount of cardio and many things that I can't think of right now or have even become so second nature that I don't even feel like listing them here.

If you want to read up on it, I'd recommend reading "HIT - Training the Mike Mentzer way" by John Little. The PDF can be downloaded from the internet Archive. I got the physical copy though.

For any more questions feel free to ask me.

Note: while HIT takes very little time it is definitely not easy.
There were many times where I thought about quitting it.
Also, HIT is perfect for the natural person, even though people often argue the opposite because Mike was a pro bodybuilder (Mike coached hundreds of natural bodybuilders/trainees).
 

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No matter what I seem to do or achieve, I always hate myself internally and feel like I’m not enough and don't deserve a spot on this earth.

For years now I’ve been ruthlessly pursuing my goals and from the outside perspective a lot of people think that I’m well off. I’m 19 years old making over 6 figures from my business and I’m always complimented on my physique but I still feel like a bum and that no one loves me.

I was bullied in school for being fat which gave me an eating disorder in which I starved myself to near-death twice. I would pass out every day since I’d refuse to eat, cut my wrists, and to this day I still force myself to throw up when I look in the mirror and seem fat. The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

I have low testosterone and heart problems from starving myself to death as a kid, I meet girls but they never love me for who I am, and I have a lot of friends but I’m not close with any of them.

I feel depressed and nothing gives me fulfilment. I never feel happy, no one ever loved/loves me, my family life is bad, I have low confidence, and I missed out on all of high school because I was recovering.

Every day I look at normal teens who naturally have a good physique and don’t need to focus on diet or anything. They have people who love them and good mental health. I wish that was me.

I’ve been lurking this forum for a while now but wanted to make an account because I really need help and don't know what to do. Don’t say go to a therapist because I’ve tried and they never understand me. Also, I’ve already reached decent success (10k/m at 19) but I still feel depressed and useless. I’d really appreciate if anyone can leave some advice for me.
You tagged people, presumably for a reason. Something in our posts made you think we are able to help.

How can I help?

First off, let's talk about therapy. I know, I know, everyone's always saying "go see a therapist." But think about it this way: a therapist is like a mechanic for your brain. They don't need to have experienced the same problems you're facing to help you fix them. They've got the tools and the know-how to get you back on the road to mental wellbeing. You just need to find a really good mechanic! There are plenty of bad ones out there, so that's a task in and of itself.

Now, let's talk about your success. You're a 19-year-old business whiz, and you've cracked the code on making money. That's no small feat! So, why not apply that same determination and problem-solving prowess to your mental health? You're the CEO of your own mind, and it's time to start making some executive decisions.

Think of your mind as a computer. Sometimes, it just needs a little update or a reboot. Maybe you're missing a few "mental vitamins" that a professional can help you with. It's about finding the right tools to help you feel better.

And hey, you've already taken the first step by reaching out and acknowledging that something's not quite right. That's a huge accomplishment in itself! Now, it's time to take the next 99 steps. It might seem daunting, but remember, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither is mental wellbeing.

Allow me to remind you of three things:
  1. Your habits are what drives your mood, and mood is a filter through which you experience life. Happiness is not some fantom state of joy, it is how your mood filters experiences of life.
  2. The past is not some unchangeable reality, like a video recording. Your perception of the past changes as you change, and so do your memories. The past you recall is not the same as how you will perceive those same events in the future.
  3. No emotion is permanent, your sadness, happiness, joy - all of it. I hope you've developed enough awareness just by being alive to know that even worst things that happened, will pass. Remember this quote: "this too shall pass".

The difference between hating yourself and not hating yourself is in your mind. YOU will be the same person either way. It doesn't come down to altering who you are in order to fix something. It's not about your physique or your success or your personality or your "standing" in the eyes of others. Even if you were paralyzed, you'd be lovable.

@Bekit put it really well. Perception vs reality.
 
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@nathanperez I'm 19 as well, maybe I can say something.

While I'm definitely not in the same tax bracket as you currently, I do believe I have solid mental health.

I want to say I'm sorry to hear about your rough time in the past. High school was a mess for me as well, but your experience is much worse.

You can't blame yourself for it. You can't keep dwelling on it. The hard truth is you need to move the hell on. That's not you anymore, and the past technically doesn't exist except in your own head. The only thing that exists or matters is the present moment.

Another point, modern life can be tough, and growing up in the digital age can be overwhelming. Especially for our generation. A lot of people don't understand this. They don't understand how mentally f*cked up we are from it. The main thing to remember is to never compare yourself with others.

Social media and smartphones in general are meant to be tools, but instead they are a burden. They are a 2D virtual reality. You need to get away from all of that.

There have been scientific studies that show even the presence of a smartphone in the room can influence you. We have rewired our brains against evolution.

Get a dumbphone instead, ditch the smartphone. If you need to access the web or social media, use your laptop. We aren't meant to be carrying supercomputers around in our pockets.

You also gotta get the hell out there man. I can't even tell you what I would do with $10k/month. I would be going on adventures, building new products, testing ideas, throwing parties, meeting interesting people, and so many more things.

I've personally gotten into DJing, just because I love electronic music and I love the club environment. I've even hosted entire raves and shows on the side. Plus, I've met so many cool people (and attractive women) through this. You need to find something like this, something that makes you genuinely happy.

Remember: you're young! How many people get to be rich AND young? You can do anything you want at any time.

I'm not even close to the amount of money you have yet, and I'm still looking at everything like it's my sandbox.

The world is your sandbox, and it's definitely easier to play in the sandbox when you have money. Even if you think "life has no meaning", you can give it your own meaning.

Do you have friends? Family? People that care for you? If not, find some. Life is better with others. It doesn't need to be romantic. Find someone that's like a brother to you. Find a group of guys you can go backpacking or snowboarding with.

Finally, (I hope this goes without saying) keep lifting and exercising even if you don't have that "perfect physique". Compare you to you, not to others. Eat clean, and by clean I mean plant based or pescatarian. There are tons of benefits to this. Don't take substances. Don't use alcohol, don't use weed, minimize caffeine use, and don't do any party drugs or anything of that sort.

Also if you don't mind me asking, what the actual hell are you doing to make $10k/month at 19??
 
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Drop me a message. I know exactly the right guy for you.

This therapist is no NPC.
 

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First off, let's talk about therapy. I know, I know, everyone's always saying "go see a therapist." But think about it this way: a therapist is like a mechanic for your brain. They don't need to have experienced the same problems you're facing to help you fix them. They've got the tools and the know-how to get you back on the road to mental wellbeing. You just need to find a really good mechanic! There are plenty of bad ones out there, so that's a task in and of itself.
*start rant*

And when I say that a fat man can teach you how to lose weight, I’m the devil :poo:

The irony of ironies is that I actually hate therapists. And I don’t think therapists can do anything that you can’t do yourself assuming you have the know-how. I mean, how could they? Just learn CBT, IFS or whatever and apply it to yourself.

Therapists are good at making you average. You’ll never become a champion by listening to a therapist. Their role is to “integrate you into society” — in non-politically correct terms, that means making you into a sheep.

*end rant*
Based on this experience and some research into human physiology, I've concluded that most mental illnesses are not psychological in nature, but rather have a very strong biological component - more specifically, inflammation and disruption of the normal brain metabolism.
I wasn’t asked, so I will not provide my advice since I don’t like speaking out of turn, but… suffice to say that this is the response I agree with most.

I have recently been dealing with very high levels of fatigue and “weakness”. My mind was completey foggy, and I could hardly focus to do tasks that I’d have done easily 1 year ago. I did my blood panels and everything was alright.

It was only when I started taking vitamin D, vitamin C, ginseng extract, vitamin b complex, CoQ10, magnesium and rhodiola rosea — that my entire life changed. Suddenly I had massive mental clarity, tons of energy, and I could actually do a ton of work again, physical and mental.

I hate taking things, and I thought it was all in my head, but this difference convinced me that I was wrong. If you actually look at all the big hitters, they all take some sort of stuff to perform.

Felix Dennis snorted cocaine for YEARS! (No I’m not recommending anyone do that, I’m just stating a fact). And Elon Musk is notorious for self-medicating.

I think these guys know something they’re not saying. To do big things you need a clear head AND tons of energy. Most people are sluggish, and no amount of getting into state can change that. Hell, when I was fatigued and tired, you couldn’t get me to jump up and down, say positive things or focus on good things if you paid me money to do it LOL. It’s like I had 0 control over my mind since there was no energy left for me to use to control it…

Drop me a message. I know exactly the right guy for you.

This therapist is no NPC.
Oh don’t make us curious — who is it?
 
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BizyDad

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feel like I’m not enough

No one is ever good enough. Let that drive you, not debilitate you. There is always something to learn, something to try, some way that you could be growing.

don't deserve a spot on this earth

Everyone does. Life is a gift. You choose what to do with it.

But this makes me wonder what your goals are? A lot of people derive self-esteem from setting and accomplishing goals.

For years now I’ve been ruthlessly pursuing my goals and from the outside perspective a lot of people think that I’m well off.

Okay, you clearly aren't one of those people. Lol.

a lot of people think that I’m well off. I’m 19 years old making over 6 figures from my business and I’m always complimented on my physique

You spend a lot of time telling us about why other people seem to be better than you. And yet, here you even are aware that other people think you have it better than them.

This is quite a mental prison you have built for yourself. It's like nothing is quite good enough.

I was bullied in school for being fat which gave me an eating disorder in which I starved myself to near-death twice. I would pass out every day since I’d refuse to eat, cut my wrists, and to this day I still force myself to throw up when I look in the mirror and seem fat. The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

I have low testosterone and heart problems from starving myself to death as a kid, I meet girls but they never love me for who I am, and I have a lot of friends but I’m not close with any of them.

Man, that's a lot to unpack. And I'm not going to even begin to unpack it here in a response on a forum.

But what I will tell you is this... I know people who have had similar stories. Even worse stories.

And they managed to escape their mental prison.

You can too.

I feel depressed and nothing gives me fulfilment. I never feel happy,

This sounds like hormonal imbalances. I'm not a doctor. But I know at times in my life I have gone through all kinds of self-inflicted medical wildness... And somehow it helps me get through it to know that this isn't something just mental, that there is actually a physical component that I can help address.

but I still feel depressed and useless.

You are still depressed, but you are obviously not useless. But you feel useless.

It's funny how our feelings play tricks on us.

What would make you feel useful?

Every day I look at normal teens who naturally have a good physique and don’t need to focus on diet or anything. They have people who love them and good mental health. I wish that was me.

Look man, if you take nothing else out of this thread, I want you to take this...

Never judge your inside based on somebody else's outside.

You seem convinced that you are the only person around you who doesn't experience love.

A belief like that is incredibly dangerous. And a belief like that becoming your foundation for a worldview might lead to you completely not recognizing when someone is being loving towards you.

It becomes a self-reinforcing loop.

Which means that then you look at the world around you and everybody else seems to be experiencing more love than you.

It ain't right. It ain't accurate.

Everybody is going through something. You've got a burden to bear. But you're only making it harder by comparing your inner struggle to somebody else's Instagram version of a life.

I’d really appreciate if anyone can leave some advice for me.

Thanks for having the courage to reach out. Hopefully some of these responses help you, even a little bit.
 

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No matter what bad things happen to me, I sweep them away. I don't talk about them. I don't acknowledge them. I will make you think that I am lucky. You will think I am unfairly favored by God. I only talk about the good things that happen to me. Nobody wants to hear a sob story. Nobody cares and the rest are glad it's happening.

Somewhere there's a man who doesn't make excuses, knows everything is his fault, wakes up early, follows his to-do list, works his a$$ off, reads and studies how to be the best, shows up every day, keeps himself clean and sharp, only keeps winners around him, stands up for himself and lives life to the fullest. When bad things happen he swallows it and you couldn't even tell it happened. He's got ice in his veins. He can fix a car, write a song, fight two men, raise a million dollars, win a race and tell a joke. He faced the same problems as you and already reframed all of them. He handled those problems better and turned it into an asset instead of a liability. He says it built his character and he's better for it.

The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

Stop acting like this is unfair.

They didn't cut their wrists and starve themselves.

Why should you not have consequences for your actions?

I feel depressed and nothing gives me fulfilment. I never feel happy, no one ever loved/loves me, my family life is bad, I have low confidence, and I missed out on all of high school because I was recovering.

Yeah that happens. What are you gonna do about it?

It is harsh, but no one cares.

Life is BRUTAL.

That girl you loved so much, she's with a new man laying in bed talking shit about you.

That job you applied to that you didn't get, the manager said "man, that guy was F*cking retarded" to the secretary and they laughed.

Those beautiful wooden ships you spent years working on as your favorite hobby that decorate your house, your own kids will toss them in the trash 2 weeks after you pass away.

Nobody is coming to save you. The only entity is God and Jesus, and they are to save your soul. Anything else is up to you.

A lot of people have it a hell of a lot worse, they swallow it, pick themselves up and get back to work. Do the same or be doomed.

You will rarely (if ever) hear about my problems.

That doesn't mean I do not have any. I could write a few paragraphs about what may or may not be fair, or how I've been short-changed, or things I could regret.

View: https://youtu.be/gXDSxgDUv-c?si=TOETvFsIwzvPKbSn
 

Keushei

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Keushei

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No matter what I seem to do or achieve, I always hate myself internally and feel like I’m not enough and don't deserve a spot on this earth.

For years now I’ve been ruthlessly pursuing my goals and from the outside perspective a lot of people think that I’m well off. I’m 19 years old making over 6 figures from my business and I’m always complimented on my physique but I still feel like a bum and that no one loves me.

I was bullied in school for being fat which gave me an eating disorder in which I starved myself to near-death twice. I would pass out every day since I’d refuse to eat, cut my wrists, and to this day I still force myself to throw up when I look in the mirror and seem fat. The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

I have low testosterone and heart problems from starving myself to death as a kid, I meet girls but they never love me for who I am, and I have a lot of friends but I’m not close with any of them.

I feel depressed and nothing gives me fulfilment. I never feel happy, no one ever loved/loves me, my family life is bad, I have low confidence, and I missed out on all of high school because I was recovering.

Every day I look at normal teens who naturally have a good physique and don’t need to focus on diet or anything. They have people who love them and good mental health. I wish that was me.

I’ve been lurking this forum for a while now but wanted to make an account because I really need help and don't know what to do. Don’t say go to a therapist because I’ve tried and they never understand me. Also, I’ve already reached decent success (10k/m at 19) but I still feel depressed and useless. I’d really appreciate if anyone can leave some advice for me.
I’m telling you now that everyone struggles with something.

And a good physique is desired because it’s hard to get. Requires a life long dedication to the craft. If it’s what you want then follow these rules:

- Weight lift once day (can rest on Sunday)
- don’t eat sugar (hard to do in USA)
- eat 2-3 meals a day (chicken and rice and veg)
- adapt to how your body responds
(if your not losing weight, lift heavier and eat less)

Honestly just do that everyday. Make a promise to yourself that without fail you’ll do those things:
-you’ll feel good from endorphins
- circulation improves
- skin improves
- get to see cute girls at the gym (if that’s what you’re into, just don’t stare)
- get to feel strong and powerful
- confidence will go up
- girls like men who are capable and confident.. it’s less about looks for them than it is for us.

Hope this helped
 

MichelleWood

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I think it would help if you can learn how to be happy with what you currently have and where you currently are.
Several years ago, when starting out I heard something similar, I can't remember where. Anyhow my husband was ranting about how much he hated his old ute (pick-up truck?). I told him what I'd heard "You'll only get a new ute once you appreciate the one you have". Sure enough when hubby expressed his gratitude for the car that helped us make a living, an incredible deal on both a brand new vehicle and the finance presented itself.
ALL my problems went away after removing all the bullshit from my diet and following a nutritional protocol that aims to minimize neuroinflammation.

Based on this experience and some research into human physiology, I've concluded that most mental illnesses are not psychological in nature, but rather have a very strong biological component - more specifically, inflammation and disruption of the normal brain metabolism.
@heavy_industry am applying this protocol right now. Beginning with inflammation of the hypothalamus at a cellular level with high quality supplementation, pure food and trying to minimize toxic load in my environment. Was inspired by reading "Never be sick Again". Not a rookie either, been lifting and eating 'clean' for years - figure there's always more to learn right?
The difference between hating yourself and not hating yourself is in your mind.
Make good choices, decide that you're going to love yourself the way you are.
And when I say that a fat man can teach you how to lose weight, I’m the devil :poo:

The irony of ironies is that I actually hate therapists. And I don’t think therapists can do anything that you can’t do yourself assuming you have the know-how. I mean, how could they? Just learn CBT, IFS or whatever and apply it to yourself.

Therapists are good at making you average. You’ll never become a champion by listening to a therapist. Their role is to “integrate you into society” — in non-politically correct terms, that means making you into a sheep.
Thanks @Black_Dragon43 this is what I thought about therapists, from my own experience.
It is harsh, but no one cares.
Agreed, and I'll add - what someone else thinks of me is none of my business. People never care or notice stuff as much as you think they do.
Nobody is coming to save you. The only entity is God and Jesus, and they are to save your soul. Anything else is up to you.
Amen @Johnny boy

Sorry for chiming in, probs didn't need my opinion after tagging in the A team.
 

Subsonic

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@nathanperez welcome!
1. join @Subsonic 's call next saturday (Subsonic, put the link here?)
2. do a 2nd post where you talk about all the positives and good things going on in your life. what are you proud of? what are you thankful for? what are you looking forward to?
3. per Tony Robbins, to change your STATE, you need to change your physiology (get up and exercise), your focus (look on the good), your language (speak positively). pull up a YT video and get in peak state!!
View attachment 56249
Thanks for the quote.

Here is the link to the thread, we meet every week on saturday at 7:30pm cest for an hour to hold each other accountable for our weeks and years goals.
No matter what I seem to do or achieve, I always hate myself internally and feel like I’m not enough and don't deserve a spot on this earth.

For years now I’ve been ruthlessly pursuing my goals and from the outside perspective a lot of people think that I’m well off. I’m 19 years old making over 6 figures from my business and I’m always complimented on my physique but I still feel like a bum and that no one loves me.

I was bullied in school for being fat which gave me an eating disorder in which I starved myself to near-death twice. I would pass out every day since I’d refuse to eat, cut my wrists, and to this day I still force myself to throw up when I look in the mirror and seem fat. The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

I have low testosterone and heart problems from starving myself to death as a kid, I meet girls but they never love me for who I am, and I have a lot of friends but I’m not close with any of them.

I feel depressed and nothing gives me fulfilment. I never feel happy, no one ever loved/loves me, my family life is bad, I have low confidence, and I missed out on all of high school because I was recovering.

Every day I look at normal teens who naturally have a good physique and don’t need to focus on diet or anything. They have people who love them and good mental health. I wish that was me.

I’ve been lurking this forum for a while now but wanted to make an account because I really need help and don't know what to do. Don’t say go to a therapist because I’ve tried and they never understand me. Also, I’ve already reached decent success (10k/m at 19) but I still feel depressed and useless. I’d really appreciate if anyone can leave some advice for me.
Happiness is all about expectations. I make about 10% of the money you make (also 19 years old), have probably a similar physique to you but I don't feel horrible.

If someone with worse circumstances can feel better than you, then it's not about the external but rather about the stories you tell yourself.
In school I was horribly bullied and didn't have a single friend for the first nine years of my school life. I'd have my birthday and sit alone.
Someone would invite everyone in the class and then give me a note say I'm not included in everyone.

Shit sucked but I went to therapy and found out that I was the reason I got bullied everywhere I went. Trauma is still kinda there but after some conscious comfort zone leaving its manageable.

Your bullies had power over you when they bullied you. Now, if you choose to live the rest of your life with the trauma they caused and prevent your happiness, you give them power over your whole life.

Making yourself throw up when you see yourself in the mirror is a clear sign you need some help.
Look ahead over your future life. Do you want to spend the rest of your life in this state ? No, right?
Then you know you will go through the trouble of change one day. If that's so, you may as well do it today because it will never be easier than today.
 
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Kevin88660

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No matter what I seem to do or achieve, I always hate myself internally and feel like I’m not enough and don't deserve a spot on this earth.

For years now I’ve been ruthlessly pursuing my goals and from the outside perspective a lot of people think that I’m well off. I’m 19 years old making over 6 figures from my business and I’m always complimented on my physique but I still feel like a bum and that no one loves me.

I was bullied in school for being fat which gave me an eating disorder in which I starved myself to near-death twice. I would pass out every day since I’d refuse to eat, cut my wrists, and to this day I still force myself to throw up when I look in the mirror and seem fat. The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

I have low testosterone and heart problems from starving myself to death as a kid, I meet girls but they never love me for who I am, and I have a lot of friends but I’m not close with any of them.

I feel depressed and nothing gives me fulfilment. I never feel happy, no one ever loved/loves me, my family life is bad, I have low confidence, and I missed out on all of high school because I was recovering.

Every day I look at normal teens who naturally have a good physique and don’t need to focus on diet or anything. They have people who love them and good mental health. I wish that was me.

I’ve been lurking this forum for a while now but wanted to make an account because I really need help and don't know what to do. Don’t say go to a therapist because I’ve tried and they never understand me. Also, I’ve already reached decent success (10k/m at 19) but I still feel depressed and useless. I’d really appreciate if anyone can leave some advice for me.
You are 19, in good shape, making good money.

And you feel depressed?

I don’t get it.

But do seek professional help if you indeed are depressed.
 
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envykyro

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Maybe you didn't find the right therapist? I recommend you do seek professional help.

From everything else you've written it seems there's a lot of underlying issues to be resolved.

I think it would help if you can learn how to be happy with what you currently have and where you currently are.

That doesn't mean you can't have goals to improve things, but if you're unhappy and harming yourself (mentally and emotionally as well as physically) then getting to a place of gratitude and contentment would likely be life-changing.

This may sound weird, but try saying this out loud to yourself:

"I am enough. Because I say I am."

Then go live your life.


Something else that always helps me get unstuck is to go help people. While you're helping someone else you're not thinking about your own issues, and you can get a buzz from it. Go volunteer in a soup kitchen, a charity, a dog shelter, or something?


I don't know if this little video might help. I discuss that little "I am enough" hack that can help people get unstuck.
This man's problems are beyond therapy.

You need to attempt to find God, read the Quran, the Bible, and all the major accepted religions.

This should answer 99% of your questions, not you paying a man to listen to you speak.
 

Andy Black

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This man's problems are beyond therapy.

You need to attempt to find God, read the Quran, the Bible, and all the major accepted religions.

This should answer 99% of your questions, not you paying a man to listen to you speak.
Therapy is more than paying someone to listen to us speak, and even if it was, sometimes having someone actively listening is enough for people to figure stuff out themselves.
 
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Aidan04

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This man's problems are beyond therapy.

You need to attempt to find God, read the Quran, the Bible, and all the major accepted religions.

This should answer 99% of your questions, not you paying a man to listen to you speak.
"Finding God" is a quick and easy way to fill the void of nothingness. It's for people too afraid to confront the reality of our insignificance in the universe, and quite incompatible to our modern world.

I'm not an atheist, I'm agnostic, but I don't think this is a long term solution unless you're a true believer under your own authority, not as a quick fix for depression or mental illness.

If some supreme deity came down from the heavens, causing earthquakes and tsunamis and then stated "I am God", I would be like "well shit, I guess there is a God". Until then, don't use religion as a crutch.

If you want to call me ignorant, I've read the Bible, Quran, and some Vedic texts, and they're all beautiful pieces of literature and storytelling.

Believe in something because you feel strongly about it, not because you're sad or lost. Real human connection is the true solution.

Also, therapy does work, they're systematically taking you apart and putting you back together on a mental level. Find a good therapist, someone that feels like talking to a good friend. Don't go to a psychiatrist, they only want to give you drugs.
 

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Captura de pantalla 2024-06-05 a la(s) 10.39.12 a. m..png




Edit: I prefer magnesium chloride, start with 500mg a day and go up slowly till 1000mg a day.
 

PapaGang

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No matter what I seem to do or achieve, I always hate myself internally and feel like I’m not enough and don't deserve a spot on this earth.

For years now I’ve been ruthlessly pursuing my goals and from the outside perspective a lot of people think that I’m well off. I’m 19 years old making over 6 figures from my business and I’m always complimented on my physique but I still feel like a bum and that no one loves me.

I was bullied in school for being fat which gave me an eating disorder in which I starved myself to near-death twice. I would pass out every day since I’d refuse to eat, cut my wrists, and to this day I still force myself to throw up when I look in the mirror and seem fat. The worst part is, other people who only train for 1 year get a better physique as me who has went through hell for 6 years.

I have low testosterone and heart problems from starving myself to death as a kid, I meet girls but they never love me for who I am, and I have a lot of friends but I’m not close with any of them.

I feel depressed and nothing gives me fulfilment. I never feel happy, no one ever loved/loves me, my family life is bad, I have low confidence, and I missed out on all of high school because I was recovering.

Every day I look at normal teens who naturally have a good physique and don’t need to focus on diet or anything. They have people who love them and good mental health. I wish that was me.

I’ve been lurking this forum for a while now but wanted to make an account because I really need help and don't know what to do. Don’t say go to a therapist because I’ve tried and they never understand me. Also, I’ve already reached decent success (10k/m at 19) but I still feel depressed and useless. I’d really appreciate if anyone can leave some advice for me.
Hey man, from someone who didn't like himself very much at all, I can relate.
I did all sorts of self sabotage and got myself in trouble.

I ran across this guy, Phil Stutz. He's got a set of tools that I've used in the past that I found to be really helpful.
There is also a Netflix doc that came out recently. Look him up.

The important thing is to never stop searching, and never stop the journey.

I found my answer in the places I least wanted to look and confront.

But I'm not a therapist, and I have zero expertise, other than what has worked for me.
Feel free to reach out anytime brother. I care. And others here do too.
 
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Just a few thoughts from a 34 year old who is still on is path.

You are joung, and that is a good thing. Because you have the time to change everything you want. But this also takes time and is hard.
Everything in life worth doing is hard.

One thing I learned in life is: never compare yourself to others. Just compare yourself with your past version of yourself.

Feel free to look at others and take something you want to achieve. Be it looks or money or whatever. But be very careful that these goals align with yourself. There is nothing more shallow than to follow other people's life's. Especially when you have a inner conflict and you desire different things. That is actually really hard to figure out. Especially when your are younger since you have not been exposed to things you might want to do.
I finished school with 21, did not know shit. Changed cities and studied something I did not enjoy, but because a friend wanted to do that with me. He bailed on me but I went through. I needed that time to figure out what I didn't want. Changed subject for my masters and moved cities again, studied something more interesting to me but nothing I would like to do for work. Started to work at different jobs, landed I a tech startup and stayed in tech. First time I arrived somewhere.
Some people may see this as wasted time, but for me it was very important. Especially figuring out, that I do not need to be with my drinking buddies from my home town to be happy. I can be happy with my self.
Changing environments helped a lot, since it forced me to try things out, meet different people and different perspectives.
There is no regrets, just things I learned about myself.

And remember: everyone has a very different journey and different baggage to hold.
You have to accept yourself first, before other accept you.

Example: I am pretty muscular. Comes from my competitive swimming days. Also got lucky genes. People sometimes envy my physice. But guess what? I was never happy with my body.
I am now but it took me forever.

Weird tip:
I have a weighted blanked. These are especially made for people who have a wrong perception about their own body.
Rule of thumb is: take 10% of your body weight and buy that blanket.
I weigh about 102 kg and have a 10 kg blanket.
Best thing I bought for sleep. Most of my friends tried it and loved it. But some hate it. Maybe worth a shot.
 

Kevin88660

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I almost think that the op was trolling when he said he is making money and is in good shape but still feeling depressed, at age of 19.

If someone said it offline to me I would certainly think he is just doing a humble brag, fishing for praises.
 
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Hey there,

This whole "never feeling good enough" thing, it hits way too close to home, you know? Like, here I am, still this mess.

School sucked, majorly. Bullies can shove it, but the whole eating disorder thing – yeah, that leaves scars. Still struggling with throwing up after all this hard work? That's messed up, and I get why you're frustrated. Feels like everyone else gets it easier, while you're stuck going through hell just to maintain.

The low testosterone and heart problems – that's definitely not helping. Maybe seeing a different doctor (one who actually listens) could be a good idea? As for love and friends...well, sometimes having a lot doesn't mean feeling close to anyone. Been there, done that.

Look, this forum is full of people who get the whole "success doesn't equal happiness" thing. Therapists can be a miss sometimes, but there has gotta be someone who can help you untangle this mess. Maybe a therapist who specializes in what you've been through?

In the meantime, you're definitely not alone. We're here to listen and offer advice if we can. Just don't give up, alright? You've come this far, there's gotta be a way to find some peace in this crazy ride.
 

AceVentures

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This sort of behavior is common among people who grew up around adults who only offered conditional love.

Can you stand up for yourself?
What's your inner talk like?
Would you dare talk to anybody else that way?
 

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