How to tell my slowlane parents about fastlane without making them sad about their wasted life?

[jon.a]

Your attitude almost seems condescending.
Maybe he is content.
Maybe he will be happy for you and proud.
Maybe he's not dead yet and might want to be involved.
Maybe you haven't done much yet and have little cause to be so self righteous.
I would tell him that it's hard for a novice to explain and offer to loan him the book.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Just tell him the book is about winning your freedom early in life without having to wait until retirement at some god-forsaken age.

Everyone can relate to that.

Also, and this may be a shocker, your parents might be happy and might not want to hear advice from their son, much less some unknown author that CNN or CNBC never told them about.

 

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[WestCoast]

I personally try to be really careful about attaching judgements to financial and business success.

I used to run around and tell friends and anyone: 'Omg, start your own business, it's amazing, only an idiot would work for someone else.'

I don't do that anymore. Everyone has to make their own bed, everyone has to live their own life.
While I agree 100% with the entire premise of Fastlane (and, more specifically, the Unscripted Life) there is NOTHING more annoying than having someone push their dogma on you. So I don't push mine on anyone.

If people ask, I am honest, but never enthusiastic. If they ask and push further, then I open up a bit to share my passion for business and being an entrepreneur.

But I don't judge people who are not passionate about it.
I used to, and that was a fools errand.

Your dad didn't 'waste his life' just because he had a Job. He gave birth to, and raised you.
He has created the ultimate value, as far as you should be concernced.

Share your passion? Yes, absolutely.
Enlighten him? If he wishes to be enlightened, by all means!

But, I would suggest not judging him, and also not feeling sorry for him.
He has lived his life and he doesn't need his son telling him he's pissed it away because he didn't do it a certain way.

Lead with love with him. That attracts curiosity and interest a lot more than dogma ever will.

 

[SteveO]

There are alot of "Slowlaners" who are perfectly happy with their life, just like there are many "Fastlaners" that are miserable.

Happiness is not tied to slow or fastlane. It is a separate frame of mind.

 

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[WJK]

Hello, Fastlaners.
To administrators: I was unsure about the forum part to select for this post. If the forum category "Scripted dogma" fits better for the following post, please move it over there.

My father is 67 years old and lived off the slowlane.
He yet seems like a content person. That is because he does has not yet faced the naked truth.

He asked me, what the contents of "the millionaire fastlane " are, because he wonders why I love that book so much and what special things make me love it.

I carefully answered, to avoid personally hurting him about the fact that he lived off the slowlane J-O-B scam:

"A good income source is not chained to time, rather to performance, except for lazy people, who earn as much as the more hard-working JOBbers."

If he wants to know more about the DeMarco books, how do I either tell the truth without making him feel bad as a 67-year-old slowlaner, or alternatively hide the truth?
He can hardly start a fastlane at 67 yers of age, that's what I do.
But if he finds out, how he missed out on a better way of living, he will probably get very sad. I will however make sure, that the rest of his life will be as beautiful as possible.

Give your parents a break!
This business model is a new thing that has come with the internet. I'm 64 and still learning. It wasn't available when I was younger, so how can I feel bad about not following a business model that didn't exist?

I became an adult in 1972, when women couldn't qualify for a loan to buy a house, have a credit card or a credit file. There had to be a man attached to do anything. The Fair Credit Act became law in 1974, and changed all of that.

We didn't have cell phones, computers, calculators, the internet either. The copy machine was a fairly new invention and so was color film and TV. It was a different world.

I'm VERY happy with the success I've created in my life -- both business and personal. For my generation, and being a woman of the era, I have led a "fastlane" life.

 

[KSR]

Your whole post is so smug, not everyone has to adhere to the 'Fastlane' mindset. Some people are quite happy working 9-5, never taking their work home with them or the added financial pressures that come with running your own business.

Reading your post made me feel so dirty, I had to go take a shower to rub off the distaste. My Dad is content with his job, because it's all he knows and you know what, I have learned a lot through him and can thank him a lot for the way I think and operate today. Instead of focusing your hatred towards his mindset, focus on the way he brought you up, he is your Dad after all.

 

[Kak]

Sometimes there is no reason to piss in people's cheerios.

On one hand, it is never too late to start... On the other side, some people are very very set in their ways and the best you can do is to be an example of why entrepreneurship works.

I generally don't evangelize people on entrepreneurship anymore. It is typically met with skepticism and equating it to "get rich quick schemes".

What they don't understand is behind every potential large employer, there is a person who started that company.

 

[Supa]

When I read the title my answer was immediately „don‘t. Trying to explain it to someone who defends the job-life robbs you of energy you‘d better use for your way out of that type of life“ because a lot of these questions are about unsupportive family members or friends.

But then I read the rest of your post. And it‘s different from others of that kind. Since your dad seems sincerely interested in TMF .

So my advice, and it‘s nothing more than that, would be to tell him about the book. About MJ, and what he achieved. About others on this forum and what they achieved. Tell him that you want to achieve that type of life, too.

The Slowlane is not a bad thing in itself. A lot of people even enjoy that climbing of ladders in a career. But it‘s not for those with a Fastlane mindset. And it will never be.

You see things from a different perspective, and the life you want to live is none which the Slowlane leads to.

There are no age restrictions for a lane switch btw.

He may be happy with his life, but don‘t count him out from being able to read a book and see this other possibility besides what he has done. And who knows? Maybe he‘d love to get involved in a business or at least support you on your journey.

If he likes your summary of the book or your explanation of its premise, why not just give it to him, so he can have his own read and opinion of it?

 

[jon.a]

What's wrong with loaning him the book?

 

[Vigilante]

Hello, Fastlaners.
To administrators: I was unsure about the forum part to select for this post. If the forum category "Scripted dogma" fits better for the following post, please move it over there.

My father is 67 years old and lived off the slowlane.
He yet seems like a content person. That is because he does has not yet faced the naked truth.

He asked me, what the contents of "the millionaire fastlane " are, because he wonders why I love that book so much and what special things make me love it.

I carefully answered, to avoid personally hurting him about the fact that he lived off the slowlane J-O-B scam:

"A good income source is not chained to time, rather to performance, except for lazy people, who earn as much as the more hard-working JOBbers."

If he wants to know more about the DeMarco books, how do I either tell the truth without making him feel bad as a 67-year-old slowlaner, or alternatively hide the truth?
He can hardly start a fastlane at 67 yers of age, that's what I do.
But if he finds out, how he missed out on a better way of living, he will probably get very sad. I will however make sure, that the rest of his life will be as beautiful as possible.

Go out and become something. You can teach other people through what you become, not what you say. If you preach something you aren't, you are a hypocrite and a poser. If you preach something you are, you are a teacher. Do first, then teach.

Always remember no matter what your financial status, you're no better than anyone else. A bum and a billionaire have the same worth.

 

[johnp]

I carefully answered, to avoid personally hurting him about the fact that he lived off the slowlane J-O-B scam:

I was in the same boat. My dad worked the same job for 40+ years. Retired with a little more than a million in his pension.

So, I basically explained to him that he won the lottery because he enjoyed his job, retired with money, and didn't drop dead in the process. I went on to explain that I probably won't be so lucky with the whole slowlane thing. That worked.

On another note, jobs can be a great resource for two reasons:

1) They give you cash flow to invest into your business.

2) If you pick the right job, then you can skill up fast.

For example, I quit my 3-4 different jobs before finally deciding to pick a job that would give me the marketing skills that I need to build a business online. 1.5 years later at the same marketing job, I finally feel like I have skills that nobody can take away.

So yea, maybe a job is a scam, but you can also use it to your advantage on your journey in the fastlane.

 

[Knugs]

Hello, Fastlaners.
To administrators: I was unsure about the forum part to select for this post. If the forum category "Scripted dogma" fits better for the following post, please move it over there.

My father is 67 years old and lived off the slowlane.
He yet seems like a content person. That is because he does has not yet faced the naked truth.

He asked me, what the contents of "the millionaire fastlane " are, because he wonders why I love that book so much and what special things make me love it.

I carefully answered, to avoid personally hurting him about the fact that he lived off the slowlane J-O-B scam:

"A good income source is not chained to time, rather to performance, except for lazy people, who earn as much as the more hard-working JOBbers."

If he wants to know more about the DeMarco books, how do I either tell the truth without making him feel bad as a 67-year-old slowlaner, or alternatively hide the truth?
He can hardly start a fastlane at 67 yers of age, that's what I do.
But if he finds out, how he missed out on a better way of living, he will probably get very sad. I will however make sure, that the rest of his life will be as beautiful as possible.

You sound condescending and if you continue using these words to explain the book to your dad, you will certainly receive a stiff defensive response.

You are lucky your parents are interested in the book. Talk about CENTS, business and the things that MJ teach. Don't rant about slow lane or J.O.B. or why he according to your words wasted his life.

 

[Kak]

Your attitude almost seems condescending.
Maybe he is content.
Maybe he will be happy for you and proud.
Maybe he's not dead yet and might want to be involved.
Maybe you haven't done much yet and have little cause to be so self righteous.
I would tell him that it's hard for a novice to explain and offer to loan him the book.

I second this... Get some experience, some wins and losses under your belt before you go calling anyone wrong.

 

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[MAU]

Hello, Fastlaners.
To administrators: I was unsure about the forum part to select for this post. If the forum category "Scripted dogma" fits better for the following post, please move it over there.

My father is 67 years old and lived off the slowlane.
He yet seems like a content person. That is because he does has not yet faced the naked truth.

There are alot of "Slowlaners" who are perfectly happy with their life, just like there are many "Fastlaners" that are miserable.

 

[ZCP]

What if you ask him to read the book and if he could then give you any advice? Then shut up and listen.

This could be the beginning of a strong bond between you two as he helps you on your path.

Also, hit Wikipedia and study up on sunk cost......

 

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[Xeon]

OP, if I were you, I would embark the Fastlane myself and give my dad a good life, not ask or convince him to change his mindset to embark on the Fastlane himself.

And to the best of my knowledge, it's hard to convince people who've been slowlaners their entire 70 yrs of life to suddenly switch to that mindset after reading a book or two.

Most of us who believed in the Fastlane stuff are either

I) felt something was off with the scripted life all along but needed confirmation

II) had a FTE

Update: Just to add, it's a lot easier to convince people if they see someone who's close to them actually succeed right in front of their eyes

 

[Tharus]

My dopamine trips and verbal word salads made my parents eyes gloss over...

When I was able to actually somewhat support myself, and show them, they didn't question me much
even if I offered answers they would say "we can see you are doing well".

I learned early on not look down on others because I was "fastlane"
my parents "slowlane" put food in the house and roof over my head.

I don't fully understand the fastlane but I for now I believe it's more of an mindset than a status.

 

[Iammelissamoore]

What's wrong with loaning him the book?

I was wondering this same point.

Fastlaning has nothing to do with age, there are young people who are very contented with slowlaning regardless of reading TMF and Unscripted (because they think it's too hard or requires too much discomfort) and there are young-at-heart people who adore living life unconventionally, due to the script they knew was abnormal.

Don't be hard on your dad, the economic situation your dad may have been in at your age, may have permitted him the ability to not only work his job, but to also live comfortable enough that extra income may not have been a necessity. As with a lot of us, Fastlaning isn't about big-balling, it's about having the freedom and resources to move how we see fit.

The BEST way to convince your parents about The Fastlane is to build it and live it. Allow them to see you go through your process, build that solid foundation, execute and repeat as you grow. Surely you may not get it in one immediate shot, but, it doesn't mean you have to give up along the way. Matter of fact, giving up on The Fastlane will actually make them believe it is a lie, rather than if you work genuinely hard and put in the time/action to build your success.

Don't be hard on them, they lived their lives in a way which made sense to them, based on the knowledge and resources they had, you shouldn't discredit them for that.

 

[KSR]

Sorry, what does FTE stand for?

F*ck this event. Someone who preaches the book so much should know this.

 

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[WJK]

That is what I do, yes.
I will be the hero to rescue my family out of financial restrictions, willing to be earning more than the rest of my family combined

But as already said, if he reads T.M.F., then he could get very upset.

No, he probably won't be upset. You say he "wasted" his life. I bet he won't see it that way at all. He'll be proud of you and probably worried about you wading into something he knows nothing about. Check your concern at the door and get out there. You have to create that success before you can wow him.

 

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[Jedwab]

Wow...are you really trying to say that you are unable to explain the book without making your father feel small? That’s very sad.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[ljean]

It sounds like you need a reality check; if you were my kid I'd slap you around a bit. What have you accomplished that makes you so superior??

 

[MJ DeMarco]

at least your father aint like my mother, she says im in a cult and refuses to even touch the book LOL!

If pursuing freedom from a slave system is a cult, then she'd be right.

 

[Ninjakid]

I found for me, my interest in the fastlane was born partially from a discontent with my current situation. Not that I was particularly miserable, but I thought being 18 and working in a factory there's more to life, and my potential could be actualized elsewhere.

Learning about entrepreneurship and reading TMF was like a two-way channel. You could almost say TMF was a seed, and my consciousness was the soil. Of course you could have thrown the seed at me, but in order for the knowledge to flourish into anything substantial the conditions in myself had to be optimal.

I've always kind of rejected the script. Even when I was really young and people around me would talk about getting careers and budgeting, I always felt like I would end up doing something more meaningful. I always thought I would be able to buy anything I wanted and enjoy the rare kind of freedom and satisfaction in life that few seem to find.

Anyways, talking too much about myself but here's how it relates to you:

Perhaps your dad is completely content in his life, and never would have had the desire to pursue the fastlane course. If he had, would't he have relentlessly pursued it already?

The strange thing about people is even if given the same opportunities we pursue extraordinarily different paths in life. Your dad is probably more likely to be interested in what you're pursuing than pity himself over his life choices.

 

[happybhoy]

Show don't tell.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

How to tell my slowlane parents about fastlane without making them sad about their wasted life?

This is a judgment about your parents and their so-called "wasted life" ... so can we make a judgment that you're a wasted by-product of your parent's wasted life?

We must be aware of judgements that we project onto other people.

I'm guilty. You're guilty. We're all guilty.

The difference is, we have the self-awareness to think about how we think.

The BEST way to convince your parents about The Fastlane is to build it and live it.

Amen.

As they say, talk is cheap.

Until one brings home the bacon, everyone will be rightfully skeptical.

 

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[RobD88]

He can hardly start a fastlane at 67 yers of age, that's what I do.

Not true. You're never too old to start. Charles Flint started IBM at 61. Loan your dad the book and if it ignites a fire in him to take action support and help him on his journey.

 

[Galaxy16]

Hello, Fastlaners.
To administrators: I was unsure about the forum part to select for this post. If the forum category "Scripted dogma" fits better for the following post, please move it over there.

My father is 67 years old and lived off the slowlane.
He yet seems like a content person. That is because he does has not yet faced the naked truth.

He asked me, what the contents of "the millionaire fastlane " are, because he wonders why I love that book so much and what special things make me love it.

I carefully answered, to avoid personally hurting him about the fact that he lived off the slowlane J-O-B scam:

"A good income source is not chained to time, rather to performance, except for lazy people, who earn as much as the more hard-working JOBbers."

If he wants to know more about the DeMarco books, how do I either tell the truth without making him feel bad as a 67-year-old slowlaner, or alternatively hide the truth?
He can hardly start a fastlane at 67 yers of age, that's what I do.
But if he finds out, how he missed out on a better way of living, he will probably get very sad. I will however make sure, that the rest of his life will be as beautiful as possible.

 

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[Xeon]

I really like your answer, Supa.



Yes, that's correct.
But my father might get sad knwoing that he missed out on a superior life experience.

Sorry, what does FTE stand for?

I will be very proud of that, and give my parents a wonderful life free from un-payaböe bills, rent, etc.
My father was satisfied with the slowlane, but he did not know the fastlane.

FTE = F*ck This Event

Not sure if it was mentioned in TMF but it was in Unscripted .

 

[p0stscript]

I'd let him read the book, your dad is just ten years older than me and it has changed my life around already. Like you I'm still a novice but I know if a young person can do it why not a more mature person, why not a 67 year old? I didn't have Feck this event (FTE) as such but it was an epiphany, and whilst it's only a month already my family is seeing a change in me and benefitting from it. So I say let him read the books, what is there to lose?