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How to counter negativity from immediate family members(Script)?

Discussion in 'General Entrepreneur Discussion' started by Varun, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    I'm from India, recently joined the family business. My two uncles are supportive, but my father and mother are heavily against it. We have retail and distribution both.

    My father's been telling me things like how the business has no future, it will split later, bigger players are coming here(Walmart etc.), its a dirty business full of backstabbers etc. There's been a constant barrage from day one. At one point he flat out said there is no growth here. I've been resistant to it primarily because I see some good signs: the economy is expanding, market penetration is still low, entry is tough(margins are thin) etc. The knowledge from TMF and Unscripted has really helped me in this regard. There's competition in every field, and if I think logically I'm convinced that it is still a worthwhile choice. However, negative statements like that do tend to weigh on one's mind.

    Anyone with similar stories or advice? My father just wants me to be a lawyer. I've done law from one of the top 3 institutes in my country(India) but I don't want to become one because I know its a slowlane venture. I've mentioned automation and some other things to him. However, he seems adamant on not considering them because of his desire to make me take up anything else apart from entrepreneurship. He just simply denies it with blanket statements like the ones mentioned in paragraph 2. As of now, I do not have any capital of my own so I can't build a store myself. 2 of my brothers want to join the business in the future as well, just thought I'd mention that.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2018
  2. Mattie
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    Mattie Platinum Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Anytime you live your life for other people, you end up delaying your progress in life. Living to people please only hinders you from succeeding. While we don't like rocking the boat, opposition, conflict, fortunately, we can never reach our full potential by being limited by what others project we should be, ought to be, our supposed to be in their experience.
     
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  3. Vigilante
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    Vigilante Legendary Contributor Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    I've had negativity my whole life from my family. What I determined was it really had nothing to do with the business. It is more personal than that.

    I'm a successful multimillion-dollar entrepreneur and it hasn't changed. If your family is anything like mine, success won't change it either.

    You can continue to love the assholes in your life without respecting their negative opinions. Some opinions might come from jealousy, some might come from ignorance, and some might just come from negative people. It doesn't matter.

    You don't need to win them over, you don't need to respect their opinion, and you don't need to change them because you won't.

    Just go about your business for the right reasons. Leave their negativity in your rearview mirror.

    A few years back my mother called me to tell me how excited she was that my 50 something year old brother went back to college. That's where she gets her esteem from... Her own slow lane credential. Fast forward to today, my brother is still in college, still in the same job, and nothing has changed. Meanwhile I built and sold a company. She's still disappointed that I haven't finished college studies. Nevermind the fact that I volunteer to teach MBA students entrepreneurship.

    f*ck 'em. You are going to have to make it without them. It's not going to change.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2018
  4. WTF
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    Businessmen make more than lawyers dad.
     
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  5. Dami-B
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    Dami-B Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    First Take into account that your dad does understand a few things about the family business, so don't just dismiss what he says.

    Your dad reminds me of my dad, at first glance my dad sounds negative, but when I listen deeper nowadays especially with a bit of experience on my back, I understand where he's coming from, No parent wants to see their child suffer, and business has zero guarantees, but neither does law, nor accountancy or any other profession out there.

    What worked for me was just hard work, when he saw the amount of effort I put into my business, he knew this was something extremely important, when someone heads out of the house at 4am and comes back in at 11 pm in a suit and tie for two weeks straight (Saturdays and Sundays), you know that person is either serious or crazy, and will not quit easily like a punk.
     
  6. Andy Black
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    Andy Black Any colour, as long as it's red. Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Agree with everyone else’s comments already.

    Curious why you think “being a lawyer” is slowlane?
     
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  7. WTF
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    Schooling, debt, pay-for-performance position, time for money exchange.

    Although profitable, not worth the effort in relation to a business.
     
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  8. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Thank you @Mattie. Really like those words of wisdom, needed to hear something like that.
     
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  9. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    @Vigilante After reading your comment, I really think it will go exactly as you've said. My parents have been the same. Never showed any belief in me, only criticisms and negativity. Thank you.. really appreciate it.
     
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  10. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    @Dami-B True. You're obviously right.. that's why I attempted to engage logically with him. But I was quite perturbed when he started throwing blanket statements around. One of the original reasons for me getting into it was that I would've had 3 mentors with 50+ years of business experience with them. Everyone needs mentors. So yes, you're correct and I'll do the same as you did.
     
  11. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    @Andy Black
    I have two options in India:
    1. Independent practice
    2. Join a law firm(mostly corporate law)

    The 2nd is indentured servitude. We are signed on basically as 3rd party contractors(retainer is the technical term here). That means no labor laws apply to us. I'll be working Sundays and Saturdays often. I knew that in my 3rd year of law school(takes 5 years here). My friends say they barely get 5 hours of freedom on the weekends. Let's say I open my own law firm - I will still have to work hard in the beginning, and I can only attract clients after being a good lawyer in a previous firm - again 4-5 years minimum.

    The 1st option also trades time for money. Developing expertise takes time - at least 10 years before I start earning the big bucks - but nothing that other lawyers around me won't be earning. I'll also be working well into old age. In my country, independent practitioners only get FU money once they're old.

    At least in my business I have a chance of developing a system. Other benefits include mentors, business goodwill, good human resources(3 brothers have 6 children), a good hold over the market in my city.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2018
  12. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    @WTF
    I wish they listened to logic, but alas...
     
  13. waveman
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    waveman Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    I'd encourage you not to do something you've decided you don't want to do. Had a similar issue myself (family complaining, negative responses, etc), but ultimately resisted and started generating some positive outcomes for them (got my mother a meeting with the CEO of a massive chain store in my country). Now they don't argue. Not saying you have to go that far to fix the conflict, but you can control how capable and "in control" you appear. That can take some pressure off over time.

    The other issue is that your mind's already made up so you're going to have a lot of internal conflict if you sell out. If you decide to do law, you're going to have a ton of pressure on the inside and that'll affect you way more than failure. It's going to be hard for you to get motivated to wake up and work, do things, or be happy, knowing that you could easily quit law, live on your terms, and be happier because you made the choice that aligns with what you want out of life.
     
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  14. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    @waveman
    True. I know for a fact that I will not be satisfied with that anymore. Get dragged around every day, get drunk with bitchy/backstabbing coworkers, maybe get a girlfriend at work because nowhere to go, work 3-4 times as much as you're paid... not anyone's cup of tea I bet.
     
  15. Kak
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    Kak Capitalist Swine Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    This says A LOT. Great post Vig.

    Op-
    Ignore the expectations of others. Figure out what is best for YOU and the FAMILY you have chosen to be responsible for and head in that direction. Only you can decide what is best for you and yours.

    There have been PLENTY of negative people in my life that I never give my consideration to.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2018
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  16. GoGetter24
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    Amen. One of the cruelest tricks people ever play is convincing you they're your allies when they're not. It magnifies the damage.

    People forget that whilst parents theoretically have the second closest interest in your success (after you), due to basic biology, the truth is that beyond your childhood years, it's a small effect (and even then they can screw it up). It's usually overwhelmed by their character defects. It's also counterbalanced by the fact that because they're the closest to you, have the most influence over you, and you spent so much time around them in your formative years, they have the highest capacity to injure you and your development.

    Be wary. Be very wary of those closest to you. Some of them might be your greatest enemies, but you've just never stopped to question if they were anything but your allies.


    That said, OP, take what your father says on board. At least the data bit (the low margins, threats of Walmart etc). At least with law you have a marketable skill to fall back on, and can use it to build up capital. Peter Thiel graduated in law, and he still says he'd do it again, even though he spends the other half of his time sh*tting on university.
     
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  17. GoGetter24
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    GoGetter24 Silver Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Unfortunately that's not the same as "no parent lets their child suffer" or "no parent causes their child to suffer". Very different. There's not a parent on the planet who doesn't "want what's best for their child". That doesn't mean anything about how they actually perform as a parent.

    You cannot rely on your parents opinions of what you should or shouldn't do. OP is right to get a second opinion, and he should get many more (his father has his biases, but so do forums).
     
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  18. MJ DeMarco
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    Admin Post
    Interesting post which begs the question...

    Do our answers change because the OP lives in India where the family culture is MUCH MUCH different than in the west?

    Would your father rather have a suicidal lawyer as a son, or a happy entrepreneur?

    I say live your life and let your father live his.

    Yet I realize, in Indian culture, this is a huge divergence from acceptable norms.
     
  19. Mattie
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    Mattie Platinum Contributor Speedway Pass

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    I love this post. The truth!
     
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    @Varun you need to immediately start creating a social safety net. As someone with Indian origins, I know about the tremendous pressure you feel to conform and listen. Going against the grain takes a huge dose of courage.

    Here's what I recommend. India has a large entrepreneurial/start-up eco-system popping up in every major city. Sign up for those and start making friends there. Start contributing any and all value you can for them. This can be in the form of a freelance lawyer, or maybe even the chief legal office of a start-up (at least on paper, although practically, you can be running around doing a lot more). It's not the same as having your own business, but it's the next best thing where you are working on building a business where you have equity stake, surrounded by strong entrepreneurial minded people.

    Subscribe to YouTube channels, podcasts, etc that nurture your entrepreneurial side. Josh Talks is one such channel: Josh Talks

    Ideally, you should attend these events.

    The scariest part is having relied on family for so long for your social net. Create a new social net and the change, drive, and desire to take action based on your own goals becomes a lot easier.
     
  21. MB2
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    MB2 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Do the right thing for you and your inner circle.You know what's the correct thing that makes you happy. You know that your parents know nothing about business.Your guts know exactly what should be done.Therefore go ahead and do the right thing.And you know what the right thing is
     
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  22. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Thanks.. I read your post about Wells Fargo. Learning to adopt the same kind of attitude. I mostly do ignore the expectations of others, but pressure from all sides was a bit disconcerting.
     
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  23. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    True, Indian culture is a bit different. However, it is rapidly changing. My generation is quite westernized, same norms, same everything. Its mostly the older generations which are still set in their ways. That is not likely to change. So yeah, I do know the path I'll be walking. Definitely not doing law just because my father wants me to.
     
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  24. Varun
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    Varun Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Finally, I stuck it out and got what I wanted. My father is finally onboard with it. Since my last post here, I had not been going to the office. My father wanted me to think about other options such as law, but I didn't do anything, just sat stubbornly at home.

    He finally took me to a psychiatrist/psychologist who is also a family friend. It was quite funny because the Script is so strong here, he actually wanted to have my motives examined. Just because I want to be different from the rest. I knew what I wanted and I was totally honest with the psychiatrist/psychologist about it.

    I've been working at the showroom for the past 3 days. Got some accounts I have to finish checking..but now the path is clear in front of me. I'm joining the Insider forum soon as well, hoping to start learning in earnest asap.
     
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  25. Dr. Fastlane
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    You're on point about the cultural differences.

    It's quite common to continue living with your parents until they get old and die. Anything else is frowned upon and seen as a dereliction of the sons duty towards his parents.

    It's just how things are and breaking this particular norm is the hardest of all. Since this not only opens up a lot of emotional drama, but you're judged for it not just by people you know but by complete strangers as well.

    Am from India too, so I know.
    I am using this to my advantage. I am working as a SEO freelancer for now (itsi s stepping stone). So I use free electricity, free room, free food and zero worries (apart from the work related ones at least).

    @OP I feel you bro. I dropped out of B.Tech CSE. Nothing prepares them for that, so you might as well rip the band aid off and let them deal with it in whatever way they find best. Just don't compromise, not even an inch. Don't find a middle path.
     
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