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Help! How to overcome the fear of the "anti-customer"?

Anything related to matters of the mind

hgrell

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I have a problem which can either be external (real) or internal (mindset): the fear of the anti-customer. And I don't know which it is or how I can overcome it. Basically I've had a semi-entrepreneurial endeavor between 2015 and 2020 as a Youtuber in Germany (almost 100K subs). Before that I was afraid of the anti-customer. And after that I'm even more afraid now.

What is the anti-customer? They are cheap and greedy. They always argue and want to set YOUR price. If you sell a custom T-Shirt for $35 they argue that you're a bad person because they can get a T-Shirt for $15 at C&A. They are vitriolic and if you piss them off they will make it their personal agenda to destroy your business and if they or someone succeeds in doing so they will happily dance on your grave.

Seems like an exaggeration? More like an accumulation. I've had so many bad experiences like this in Germany it really made me cautious. I was talking to my wife if it's just me - she's not so much involved in my work so she has a fresh perspective. But she also confirmed that in Germany she sees so many people who are money-pinching Scrooges trying to suck value out of everyone - getting something out of nothing without even really appreciating the value.

Freelancers and small business owners who offer high price products have it especially hard because they're often seen as the devil. Only big corporations and the state seem to still be able to extract large amounts from people without them mounting the barricades. Ok, and the car, the smartphone and the house may cost a little more. But that's all!

But my problem goes into the psychological. As MJ writes in his books and as I already firmly believed: You have to (1) solve big problems for (2) enough people and (3) be handsomely rewarded for it. There are enough big problems left. But are there enough people here to handsomely reward me for it if they hate "handsomely rewarding" anyone for anything? With MJs "cancer corollary" example in his books. If the cure for German Scrooge's cancer would cost $10.000 then he would pay grinding his teeth and after that he would make sure that the inventor of the cure would go out of business for his audacity to charge $10.000 for what SHOULD COST $100!

Basically I've lost faith in humanity or more specifically faith in the market. Why would I solve big problems if people still would demand the solution for free. "You've build the machine already. It works. So why would you charge more than your energy, resources and labor costs?"

My questions:
1. Do you have similar experiences in your country?
2. If so how do you deal with it?
3. How can I find a market that I can believe in? - People who are not assholes who appreciate my contribution and who are willing to pay what it's worth?
4. And how do I avoid / prevent then anti-customer from finding and destroying my business?

My deepest thank you to everyone who took the time to read this and even more if you respond!
 
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Black_Dragon43

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1. Do you have similar experiences in your country?
Yes, assholes are everywhere.
2. If so how do you deal with it?
Show them the middle finger.
3. How can I find a market that I can believe in? - People who are not assholes who appreciate my contribution and who are willing to pay what it's worth?
Pick a market that you find attractive and that has financial potential. Assholes are everywhere.
4. And how do I avoid / prevent then anti-customer from finding and destroying my business?
I don’t. I tell them to go F*ck themselves and get my lawyers on their a$$!
 

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Two things:

1) Sell to people who actually have money or the means to pay

2) Sell to people who want to buy

All you described is from targeting broke people who don't want/can't actually buy something.
Let's say you put up a bus fare by 20c or a first class ticket by $100 - who is going to complain more?

There is no shortage of money - they print more every day of the week - you are just attracting people with a scarcity mindset. It is on you as much as it is on them - change something in your approach so you don't have to deal with them.
 

heavy_industry

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This problem has to do more with you, rather than the mythical "anti-customer".

What does that even mean?

We live in a free market.
You have the freedom to sell. They have the freedom to buy. They also have the freedom of having an opinion of you, your products, your prices, and your sales tactics.

  • If someone thinks your price is too high, they can go buy from somewhere else. That's what you tell them.
  • If everybody thinks the price is too high, perhaps it really is too high and you will make no sales.


And what exactly do you mean by destroying your business? Are they threatening to commit arson?
 
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hgrell

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Yes, assholes are everywhere.

Show them the middle finger.

Pick a market that you find attractive and that has financial potential. Assholes are everywhere.

I don’t. I tell them to go F*ck themselves and get my lawyers on their a$$!
Hi Black Dragon,

thank you! As "rude" as that seems this helps me. Because I was already tending towards this mindset but I was hesitant because I didn't want to be wrong and be the a**hole. But I was battered so heavily in my last endeavor that this is basically the only option. Thank you!
 

hgrell

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Two things:

1) Sell to people who actually have money or the means to pay

2) Sell to people who want to buy

All you described is from targeting broke people who don't want/can't actually buy something.
Let's say you put up a bus fare by 20c or a first class ticket by $100 - who is going to complain more?

There is no shortage of money - they print more every day of the week - you are just attracting people with a scarcity mindset. It is on you as much as it is on them - change something in your approach so you don't have to deal with them.
Hi Fox,

very helpful too. Thank you! I think you have a point in me being complicit by choosing this market. I didn't know better. And honestly A LOT of people in Germany have this scarcity mindset especially in the former GDR where I was born and am living. Maybe I just need the confirmation that there are "good customers" out there because my last experience was terrible.
 

hgrell

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This problem has to do more with you, rather than the mythical "anti-customer".

What does that even mean?

We live in a free market.
You have the freedom to sell. They have the freedom to buy. They also have the freedom of having an opinion of you, your products, your prices, and your sales tactics.

  • If someone thinks your price is too high, they can go buy from somewhere else. That's what you tell them.
  • If everybody thinks the price is too high, perhaps it really is too high and you will make no sales.


And what exactly do you mean by destroying your business? Are they threatening to commit arson?
Hi Heavy industry,

in Germany we don't really have a free market. One part of Germany has been Socialism, the other part "social market economy" which is just one step away from "democratic socialism". And now the government is started to set fixed prices on energy, so we're slipping more and more towards Socialism again. That's also why I'm trying to get out of here with my family in the next 3-5 years.

How do they destroy businesses? Economy cancel culture. Post everywhere where this company is mentioned how terrible it is. Leave terrible reviews on Google and everywhere. Write in forums, on Quora and in every comment section how terrible this business is. I have to add that my channel was patriotic and political so this might have been an extra hard cookie. But still I know of many even mid-sized businesses which have been cancelled by the press or by a cyber mob simply because of high prices and a "bit more self-confident" marketing strategy.
 
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savefox

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Well if you have a "patriotic political channel" you're gonna have haters. You can't avoid that. Especially in Deutschland
 

hgrell

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Well if you have a "patriotic political channel" you're gonna have haters. You can't avoid that. Especially in Deutschland
No doubt about that! You're absolutely correct. But what broke my spirit was not the haters. I had those from the beginning. What broke my spirit was that as soon as I was asking for donations (when I was eventually demonitized on YT) there were generous people who financed the channel but there were many many people who were fans before who suddenly became haters.

I also offered merch and channel related products and services - just like I saw American YouTuber do. But in contrast here was a loud minority now which absolutely pummelled me for "daring" to try to monetize my - honestly somewhat dangerous and potentially financially ruinous - work (as a father and provider).

And worst other creators in the same sphere turned their back on me immediately. And for the audience they were slowly but surely cowering before the cancel mob. And as I said: Because the strive to earn big in Germany is seen as something only the devil would do such a campaigns fall on fertile soil. I could offer as much value as I wanted they were never satisfied. "Work a 9 to 5 and after that do videos in your spare time, because it's for a good cause".

That's the public mindset as I experience it in Germany generally. And it quite honestly makes me angry and sad.
 

Johnny boy

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This is why I recommend young men become successful with the opposite sex and learn sales.

There is a fundamental understanding that comes with the proficiency of the above two areas of life:

You get thick skin and learn how to move on from "time wasters".

"anti-customers" are "time wasters". You need to reframe what they are in your mind.

It is extremely hard for some people to truly internalize and ACTUALLY understand that you are SUPPOSED to be rejected. You are supposed to have shit customers. You are supposed to not get all the sales. You are supposed to get laughed at by some girls and told you're a piece of shit.

I have been threatened to be sued like 9 times this year *eye roll every time* "sorry that Chase cut your lawn a little too high this visit, our registered agent address is 69420 Bendover rd, we will be looking for your court summons and complaint packet in the mail Debra".

One thing that you need to learn to repeat in your head ad nauseum until it's a habit.... Do it to reframe "anti-customers" into what they really are: time wasters. The following will change your life:

Loudly, internally scream the word "NEXT" every time you come across a time waster. Your job is to "get rid" of people. All of the things in life that are numbers games (dating, sales, business, etc.) is about wading through the stinky pile of "no's" until you collect enough "yes's" to succeed. I understand this internally, so when I see a red flag, whether it's in a woman or a sales lead, I scream "NEXT!" in my head and I'm immediately onto the next one.

My goal: FIND my YES'S.

Imagine if everyone has a hat, and the underside of each hat is either painted blue or red. And lets say every time you find a red hat on the underside, you win. Wouldn't you just go around and quickly say "show me your hat" as quickly as possible and immediately move on if it's blue? Boom, bang, "show me your hat bitch" all day and night is all I would be doing, I would be asking anyone and everyone without prejudice and I would move on INSTANTLY if that hat wasn't red underneath. Filter them out early and often.

I want everyone's eyes and ears to see my ad, and all I need is a million people or so that need their lawn mowed regularly and we'll have a billion dollars a year. And a WHOLE bunch of people will be time wasters. So many that if you rounded up all the "anti-customers" you would probably be able to fill New York City. Who cares? Next!

I also have a little secret weapon for making the medicine of rejection go down a little easier, it's called "self-amusement" (not recommended to the extent that I do it). No matter how any interaction goes, I still win, because I'm having fun. I love what I do, I speak pretty freely, I say some off-the-wall stuff, and it makes me truly enjoy interactions even if someone hates me, because most of what I say is meant to amuse myself. I give myself little games sometimes. I've challenged myself to speak to unhappy customers and say "no homo" about 8 times sprinkled through the conversation just to see what would happen. I'll quote movie lines, make up hilarious stories, talk in an accent, and anything else I can think of. This is all a giant game, do not let some miserable 48 year old loser rain on your parade because their life sucks. You're better than that.

With this attitude, you'll BLOW through the numbers, collect all the "yes's" you could ever need, and you will be surrounded with the right kind of people. You'll have customers who love you, women who love you, friends who love you, but you have to wade through the steamy piles of "no's" until you find them.
 
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melanieps

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Basically I've lost faith in humanity or more specifically faith in the market.
Take control!
If you have to interact face to face with your customer, try to guide the negotiation so it won't become confronting. Most people specially nowadays just react with explosive emotions, but if you must interact personally , maybe take a course on how to approach those situation, -like the Black Swan Group-, use tactics in your favor.
Keep taking control - Clear the pipe line before you change your prices. Go back to the basics to find the perfect point of profit.

Re-assess the market.
1. Can the market support higher prices? Re-study the client and the competition
2. How can you make people perceive more value in the brand?

Pricing survey - Knowing your clientele demographics
1. What was the main reason they bought the product?
2. What’s their current income level? What jobs they have? What work the costumers do?
3. What was the primary way you found out about your company? For marketing

On the product/service. Listing all the values and perks you give.
1. What if it was super expensive or super cheap or for free?
2. What would the client must keep, and perks the clients don’t care to loose?
3. Assess internally.
4. Decide and communicate the new prices.
5. Evaluate the results and readjust.

See if you can block and mute people online, filter negative words people use in your comments. Acting with dignity and respect will go a long way for keeping high quality and value for your self and your brand. And will give you peace of mind.

Every situation will make you stronger. Get thick skin by remembering how the bad experiences make you better, what you can learn, and don’t take anything personal, just people's insecurities and projections of their own struggles.

Don't lose hope, take control!
 
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hgrell

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This is why I recommend young men become successful with the opposite sex and learn sales.

There is a fundamental understanding that comes with the proficiency of the above two areas of life:

You get thick skin and learn how to move on from "time wasters".

"anti-customers" are "time wasters". You need to reframe what they are in your mind.

It is extremely hard for some people to truly internalize and ACTUALLY understand that you are SUPPOSED to be rejected. You are supposed to have shit customers. You are supposed to not get all the sales. You are supposed to get laughed at by some girls and told you're a piece of shit.

I have been threatened to be sued like 9 times this year *eye roll every time* "sorry that Chase cut your lawn a little too high this visit, our registered agent address is 69420 Bendover rd, we will be looking for your court summons and complaint packet in the mail Debra".

One thing that you need to learn to repeat in your head ad nauseum until it's a habit.... Do it to reframe "anti-customers" into what they really are: time wasters. The following will change your life:

Loudly, internally scream the word "NEXT" every time you come across a time waster. Your job is to "get rid" of people. All of the things in life that are numbers games (dating, sales, business, etc.) is about wading through the stinky pile of "no's" until you collect enough "yes's" to succeed. I understand this internally, so when I see a red flag, whether it's in a woman or a sales lead, I scream "NEXT!" in my head and I'm immediately onto the next one.

My goal: FIND my YES'S.

Imagine if everyone has a hat, and the underside of each hat is either painted blue or red. And lets say every time you find a red hat on the underside, you win. Wouldn't you just go around and quickly say "show me your hat" as quickly as possible and immediately move on if it's blue? Boom, bang, "show me your hat bitch" all day and night is all I would be doing, I would be asking anyone and everyone without prejudice and I would move on INSTANTLY if that hat wasn't red underneath. Filter them out early and often.

I want everyone's eyes and ears to see my ad, and all I need is a million people or so that need their lawn mowed regularly and we'll have a billion dollars a year. And a WHOLE bunch of people will be time wasters. So many that if you rounded up all the "anti-customers" you would probably be able to fill New York City. Who cares? Next!

I also have a little secret weapon for making the medicine of rejection go down a little easier, it's called "self-amusement" (not recommended to the extent that I do it). No matter how any interaction goes, I still win, because I'm having fun. I love what I do, I speak pretty freely, I say some off-the-wall stuff, and it makes me truly enjoy interactions even if someone hates me, because most of what I say is meant to amuse myself. I give myself little games sometimes. I've challenged myself to speak to unhappy customers and say "no homo" about 8 times sprinkled through the conversation just to see what would happen. I'll quote movie lines, make up hilarious stories, talk in an accent, and anything else I can think of. This is all a giant game, do not let some miserable 48 year old loser rain on your parade because their life sucks. You're better than that.

With this attitude, you'll BLOW through the numbers, collect all the "yes's" you could ever need, and you will be surrounded with the right kind of people. You'll have customers who love you, women who love you, friends who love you, but you have to wade through the steamy piles of "no's" until you find them.
Brilliant! Thanks so much for taking the time. Extemely valuable mindset tipps that I will implement immediately!
 

hgrell

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Take control!
If you have to interact face to face with your customer, try to guide the negotiation so it won't become confronting. Most people specially nowadays just react with explosive emotions, but if you must interact personally , maybe take a course on how to approach those situation, -like the Black Swan Group-, use tactics in your favor.
Keep taking control - Clear the pipe line before you change your prices. Go back to the basics to find the perfect point of profit.

Re-assess the market.
1. Can the market support higher prices? Re-study the client and the competition
2. How can you make people perceive more value in the brand?

Pricing survey - Knowing your clientele demographics
1. What was the main reason they bought the product?
2. What’s their current income level? What jobs they have? What work the costumers do?
3. What was the primary way you found out about your company? For marketing

On the product/service. Listing all the values and perks you give.
1. What if it was super expensive or super cheap or for free?
2. What would the client must keep, and perks the clients don’t care to loose?
3. Assess internally.
4. Decide and communicate the new prices.
5. Evaluate the results and readjust.

See if you can block and mute people online, filter negative words people use in your comments. Acting with dignity and respect will go a long way for keeping high quality and value for your self and your brand. And will give you peace of mind.

Every situation will make you stronger. Get thick skin by remembering how the bad experiences make you better, what you can learn, and don’t take anything personal, just people's insecurities and projections of their own struggles.

Don't lose hope, take control!
Thank you very much for taking the time. Very valuable list that I will use!
 

Lex DeVille

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Freelancers and small business owners who offer high price products have it especially hard because they're often seen as the devil

Become the devil. Then their perceptions will match their reality. That's what I did. Buahahahaha!
 
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Paul David

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This is why I recommend young men become successful with the opposite sex and learn sales.

There is a fundamental understanding that comes with the proficiency of the above two areas of life:

You get thick skin and learn how to move on from "time wasters".

"anti-customers" are "time wasters". You need to reframe what they are in your mind.

It is extremely hard for some people to truly internalize and ACTUALLY understand that you are SUPPOSED to be rejected. You are supposed to have shit customers. You are supposed to not get all the sales. You are supposed to get laughed at by some girls and told you're a piece of shit.

I have been threatened to be sued like 9 times this year *eye roll every time* "sorry that Chase cut your lawn a little too high this visit, our registered agent address is 69420 Bendover rd, we will be looking for your court summons and complaint packet in the mail Debra".

One thing that you need to learn to repeat in your head ad nauseum until it's a habit.... Do it to reframe "anti-customers" into what they really are: time wasters. The following will change your life:

Loudly, internally scream the word "NEXT" every time you come across a time waster. Your job is to "get rid" of people. All of the things in life that are numbers games (dating, sales, business, etc.) is about wading through the stinky pile of "no's" until you collect enough "yes's" to succeed. I understand this internally, so when I see a red flag, whether it's in a woman or a sales lead, I scream "NEXT!" in my head and I'm immediately onto the next one.

My goal: FIND my YES'S.

Imagine if everyone has a hat, and the underside of each hat is either painted blue or red. And lets say every time you find a red hat on the underside, you win. Wouldn't you just go around and quickly say "show me your hat" as quickly as possible and immediately move on if it's blue? Boom, bang, "show me your hat bitch" all day and night is all I would be doing, I would be asking anyone and everyone without prejudice and I would move on INSTANTLY if that hat wasn't red underneath. Filter them out early and often.

I want everyone's eyes and ears to see my ad, and all I need is a million people or so that need their lawn mowed regularly and we'll have a billion dollars a year. And a WHOLE bunch of people will be time wasters. So many that if you rounded up all the "anti-customers" you would probably be able to fill New York City. Who cares? Next!

I also have a little secret weapon for making the medicine of rejection go down a little easier, it's called "self-amusement" (not recommended to the extent that I do it). No matter how any interaction goes, I still win, because I'm having fun. I love what I do, I speak pretty freely, I say some off-the-wall stuff, and it makes me truly enjoy interactions even if someone hates me, because most of what I say is meant to amuse myself. I give myself little games sometimes. I've challenged myself to speak to unhappy customers and say "no homo" about 8 times sprinkled through the conversation just to see what would happen. I'll quote movie lines, make up hilarious stories, talk in an accent, and anything else I can think of. This is all a giant game, do not let some miserable 48 year old loser rain on your parade because their life sucks. You're better than that.

With this attitude, you'll BLOW through the numbers, collect all the "yes's" you could ever need, and you will be surrounded with the right kind of people. You'll have customers who love you, women who love you, friends who love you, but you have to wade through the steamy piles of "no's" until you find them.

This thread should be marked GOLD for Johnny's post alone.

It's exactly what I've struggled with for probably 3 years now even though I already have some happy customers, have a competitor with a similar business model that has thousands of customers and I even offer a free trial. Still I procrastinate and don't do any outreach because I don't want them to diss my idea or say No, F*** Off etc.

Your post sums it up better than any book I've read on subject also, but for the original poster I'd like to add some notes I took down yesterday whilst reading a book called The war of art.

The author basically uses the analogy that it's you v resistance.

Are you a professional or amateur? A professional cannot take rejection personally because to do so reinforces resistance.

You cannot let external criticism fortify our external foe (resistance).

Never forget that resistance is using criticism against us on a diabolical level.

Resistance enlists criticism to reinforce the fifth column of fear already at work inside your head, seeking to break your will and crack your dedication. The professional does not fall for this.

A professional never lets resistance beat them.

An amateur let's the negative opinion of others unman him. He takes external criticism to heart, allowing it to trump his own belief in himself and his work. Resistance loves this.

The professional blows critics off. He doesn't even hear them. Critics he reminds himself, are the unwilling mouth pieces of resistance and as such can be truly cunning.

There's no mystery to turning pro, it's a decision brought about by an act of will. We make up our minds to view ourselves as pro and we do it. Simple as that.

Resistance feeds fear.
 

hgrell

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This thread should be marked GOLD for Johnny's post alone.

It's exactly what I've struggled with for probably 3 years now even though I already have some happy customers, have a competitor with a similar business model that has thousands of customers and I even offer a free trial. Still I procrastinate and don't do any outreach because I don't want them to diss my idea or say No, F*** Off etc.

Your post sums it up better than any book I've read on subject also, but for the original poster I'd like to add some notes I took down yesterday whilst reading a book called The war of art.

The author basically uses the analogy that it's you v resistance.

Are you a professional or amateur? A professional cannot take rejection personally because to do so reinforces resistance.

You cannot let external criticism fortify our external foe (resistance).

Never forget that resistance is using criticism against us on a diabolical level.

Resistance enlists criticism to reinforce the fifth column of fear already at work inside your head, seeking to break your will and crack your dedication. The professional does not fall for this.

A professional never lets resistance beat them.

An amateur let's the negative opinion of others unman him. He takes external criticism to heart, allowing it to trump his own belief in himself and his work. Resistance loves this.

The professional blows critics off. He doesn't even hear them. Critics he reminds himself, are the unwilling mouth pieces of resistance and as such can be truly cunning.

There's no mystery to turning pro, it's a decision brought about by an act of will. We make up our minds to view ourselves as pro and we do it. Simple as that.

Resistance feeds fear.
Thank you Paul for your thoughts. I have to say in hindsight I pretty much had a rather naive "we are family" mindset where everyone strives to make society better except maybe a couple of a-holes at the top of politics. I probably grew up pretty sheltered, but also that's what the culturally super dominant Left in Germany is preaching or was preaching up until the 2010s. Now it's "right wingers" and even Capitalism itself who's to blame but I'm getting sidetracked.

If I understand you correctly you're expanding on Johnny's post. He's saying: Take the Ws as Ws but don't wallow in Ls, just ignore them - NEXT! You're saying if you concentrate on the Ls (or even unrelated attacks) this will always weaken you and there's not much to learn there anyways. At least nothing of substance that will propel me on my journey. Correct?
 

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Thank you Paul for your thoughts. I have to say in hindsight I pretty much had a rather naive "we are family" mindset where everyone strives to make society better except maybe a couple of a-holes at the top of politics. I probably grew up pretty sheltered, but also that's what the culturally super dominant Left in Germany is preaching or was preaching up until the 2010s. Now it's "right wingers" and even Capitalism itself who's to blame but I'm getting sidetracked.
capitalism is purity, fairness, and intelligence manifested naturally. It is gods way of determining who is smart and who is poor. People who hate capitalism hate truth and objectivity. Their punishment for wrong-ness is eating ramen and having depression.
 
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I've never come across this, in 20 years of doing business. I expect it's what @Fox said and you're dealing with broke people with a poor mindset.

Sell to people who want to buy.
 

hgrell

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I've never come across this, in 20 years of doing business. I expect it's what @Fox said and you're dealing with broke people with a poor mindset.

Sell to people who want to buy.
Thanks for the reinforcement. Good to hear that it's not always the case!
 

hgrell

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capitalism is purity, fairness, and intelligence manifested naturally. It is gods way of determining who is smart and who is poor. People who hate capitalism hate truth and objectivity. Their punishment for wrong-ness is eating ramen and having depression.
Interesting philosophy! Might sound a bit harsh. But in a storm of semi-religious anti-capitalism rhetoric it's good to have something equally "transcendent" or "meta" to shout back at them (or to internally strengthen the own mind).
 
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Johnny boy

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Interesting philosophy! Might sound a bit harsh. But in a storm of semi-religious anti-capitalism rhetoric it's good to have something equally "transcendent" or "meta" to shout back at them (or to internally strengthen the own mind).
I would recommend not arguing with them at all and just making better friends instead.
 

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