What to do with bussines family problems and hard to talk family members?

[maras2137]

Hi i have a big problem with my family. We don't have easy past. An father alcoholic, family broken many years ago, a lot of thing did not work like a "normal".
A more than a half year past i started process with real estates flips, am also had a full time job.
A full time job didn't feed my existence enough, yeah money from that i a vegetation. I don't have pay bad but am living alone.
Any full time job isn't enough to pay my life. So i started with real esteates, and in it.
Mama said "get second job" i say no - then i don't have time to do with real esteates.
Next my brother with a small bulding company "Get second job" then i said same thing
And we have a conflict, it good beacuse i now know what my brother really thinking about me. He call me a loafer, and i know thats really hes mindset about me.
We have to do a little bussines. I have to find a ground to bulid a house form him. My job i find a ground and negotiate a price.
So i do it! I found it and i do a price 20% lower than firstly owner want for this ground. But i want my pay as 5%. So my brother earn 15% than do itself!
So damn! It's looks like a good deal? (He's don't have negotiations skills)
Not for my brother! 5% it's look's for him like a scam!!!!!
Don't buy a ground, don't pay me back!
We have a quarrel, so i now know what he really thinking about me - he thinking am a scammer, loafer and i must have to do a normal work.

What are you think, am a idiot? What to do with this familly, am really need this guy to do a renovations (good renovations crew is gold worth) he's do a nice piece of work, but damn. He really don't respect me and look, guy is a F*cking moron.
What i have to do?

 

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[BigRomeDawg]

Sounds terrible.. I'd just move on

 

[WJK]

So, why are doing business with them?

 

[maras2137]

Because i need him to do a renovation job. On my country renovation crew is a lottery. Someone do a greate job and don't give a shit but a lot of them is a F*cking liars and cheats of customer.
A 2 Years he's don't call a loaf and a faggot like in childhood. Am thinking he's change a mindset by years but i was fault.
I don't want do anything with guy whos don't respect my hard work because i not working physically like him.
Sooo, i must do a few jobs with him, get some money then search a new crew, maybe i got lucky...
They but a other ground from wifes friends(i think she's got a finger in it). He wants to build a house, but after what i ser what he really - i don't help him.
The most od my familly aren't a nice to co-work people, he's got a few business but he's a band scumbags.
I only like my mother, i want to pay her debt.
M

So, why are doing business with them?

So, why are doing business with them?

 

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[Kevin88660]

Hi i have a big problem with my family. We don't have easy past. An father alcoholic, family broken many years ago, a lot of thing did not work like a "normal".
A more than a half year past i started process with real estates flips, am also had a full time job.
A full time job didn't feed my existence enough, yeah money from that i a vegetation. I don't have pay bad but am living alone.
Any full time job isn't enough to pay my life. So i started with real esteates, and in it.
Mama said "get second job" i say no - then i don't have time to do with real esteates.
Next my brother with a small bulding company "Get second job" then i said same thing
And we have a conflict, it good beacuse i now know what my brother really thinking about me. He call me a loafer, and i know thats really hes mindset about me.
We have to do a little bussines. I have to find a ground to bulid a house form him. My job i find a ground and negotiate a price.
So i do it! I found it and i do a price 20% lower than firstly owner want for this ground. But i want my pay as 5%. So my brother earn 15% than do itself!
So damn! It's looks like a good deal? (He's don't have negotiations skills)
Not for my brother! 5% it's look's for him like a scam!!!!!
Don't buy a ground, don't pay me back!
We have a quarrel, so i now know what he really thinking about me - he thinking am a scammer, loafer and i must have to do a normal work.

What are you think, am a idiot? What to do with this familly, am really need this guy to do a renovations (good renovations crew is gold worth) he's do a nice piece of work, but damn. He really don't respect me and look, guy is a F*cking moron.
What i have to do?

What is your first job and how much you are spending per month? probably have to look at the cash flow and question all the assumptions.

If the first job does not pay you enough to feed you a business is not going to help. It is going to make things worst in the short run.

 

[maras2137]

What is your first job and how much you are spending per month? probably have to look at the cash flow and question all the assumptions.

If the first job does not pay you enough to feed you a business is not going to help. It is going to make things worst in the short run.

3500-4000 PLN (900 USD) and all of it going on the air, i don't want to a short time better, i wanna long time better. It's not the problem with cash flow.
Am a electric monter in company produces a amusement equipment.
Am 21 and this job is well payed on my country (as my age and expirience).
Am no trying to kill yourself and things month to month going better and better. In the past i have some trouble(problems with court) but already solved (civil work to next half year)
This is not problem, i have a plan.
My question is what i have to do with toxic brother when i must use him to do a business)
My business don't now creating a costs.
Am waiting and working to first deal before i open it im the papers.
Only cost of it is a books, time and conferences. But you might right, am trying to save some money but am a spender. It's very hard but i see, a Bitcoin, gold and valutes from other country's solve this problem.

 

[Deleted88861]

My 2cents, distance yourself from toxic people like this even if temporarily to reset boundaries for a few months, whilst doing this also evaluate if you are part of the problem, if so, try work on that by reading some great psychology books (I’d recommend books by credible authors that can backup what they write)

In the end, though I know this might be very difficult, try to come at as many challenges and disagreements as you can from a third person perspective and do your best to stay savvy, calm and cool and remember to always try and understand each person’s problems with you. Remember, when it comes to business and especially family business (i definitely can relate to the challenges in this area), try and keep your non-reactive business hat on as much as you can. Keep your emotions in check.

Attempt to understand others first even if you have your own agenda or outcome in mind, listen, talk less (at least at the start) and give the disagreement space to breathe and your discussions will have a somewhat calm foundation to them.

Be careful not to fall into the trap of “needing” drama and toxic fall-outs.

Sometimes others can teach us a lot about ourselves, especially when arguing. Sometimes they’re shining a mirror back at you, one you can’t see, but sometimes its the other way round. Try to ask yourself what they’re showing you about yourself: “Am I too reactive? Maybe not gaining respect due to my maturity levels? Am I not setting enough boundaries and thus lose their respect? Or are they just c****?”

Hope that helps.
Arron

 

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[maras2137]

My 2cents, distance yourself from toxic people like this even if temporarily to reset boundaries for a few months, whilst doing this also evaluate if you are part of the problem, if so, try work on that by reading some great psychology books (I’d recommend books by credible authors that can backup what they write)

In the end, though I know this might be very difficult, try to come at as many challenges and disagreements as you can from a third person perspective and do your best to stay savvy, calm and cool and remember to always try and understand each person’s problems with you. Remember, when it comes to business and especially family business (i definitely can relate to the challenges in this area), try and keep your non-reactive business hat on as much as you can. Keep your emotions in check.

Attempt to understand others first even if you have your own agenda or outcome in mind, listen, talk less (at least at the start) and give the disagreement space to breathe and your discussions will have a somewhat calm foundation to them.

Be careful not to fall into the trap of “needing” drama and toxic fall-outs.

Sometimes others can teach us a lot about ourselves, especially when arguing. Sometimes they’re shining a mirror back at you, one you can’t see, but sometimes its the other way round. Try to ask yourself what they’re showing you about yourself: “Am I too reactive? Maybe not gaining respect due to my maturity levels? Am I not setting enough boundaries and thus lose their respect? Or are they just c****?”

Hope that helps.
Arron

This is an advice, what i really need this time! Thank you!

 

[Deleted88861]

This is an advice, what i really need this time! Thank you!

No problem. Family business can be tricky because unlike other businesses, you’re not only dealing with day to day business stuff but also any potential baggage from your upbringing or past, it certainly keeps you on your toes…