Postponing fastlane dreams... need to work on my social anxiety first.

[999michaelh]

I had some fastlane dreams last year but none of them worked out.

I've now realized that it's because my social anxiety and people skills are so bad that they are the only thing I can think about. Forget business, side hustles, etc. I can't even talk to people normally or look people in the eyes.

So I've decided that I want to pursue some kind of sales job - car sales, door to door, etc. - so I can develop these soft skills before embarking on another fastlane journey.

I feel like doing car sales would help me develop thick skin, confidence and people skills.... but would any dealership even hire me?

I can barely hold a conversation with someone so I feel like this would be a deal breaker for them.

In that case what should I do before applying for a car sales job? Maybe get a retail job as a stepping stone?

I'd appreciate any advice.

Thanks

 

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[Lex DeVille]

I had some fastlane dreams last year but none of them worked out.

I've now realized that it's because my social anxiety and people skills are so bad that they are the only thing I can think about. Forget business, side hustles, etc. I can't even talk to people normally or look people in the eyes.

So I've decided that I want to pursue some kind of sales job - car sales, door to door, etc. - so I can develop these soft skills before embarking on another fastlane journey.

I feel like doing car sales would help me develop thick skin, confidence and people skills.... but would any dealership even hire me?

I can barely hold a conversation with someone so I feel like this would be a deal breaker for them.

In that case what should I do before applying for a car sales job? Maybe get a retail job as a stepping stone?

I'd appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Start with this book. Follow its suggestions. Reading the book is not enough. You have to act on the advice in the real world and you will start to make change.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

 

[MaxT]

I also allow myself to add in addition to the excellent advice above, that hobbies can help you open up to the world. Do sports, art, theater... in clubs with strangers. This should help you

 

[999michaelh]

Start with this book. Follow its suggestions. Reading the book is not enough. You have to act on the advice in the real world and you will start to make change.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Thanks, it's a book that I've always wanted to read. I'm going to read it today

 

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[999michaelh]

I also allow myself to add in addition to the excellent advice above, that hobbies can help you open up to the world. Do sports, art, theater... in clubs with strangers. This should help you

I've considered acting, stand up comedy, martial arts, etc., for a long time. My problem is that I haven't taken any action yet because my social anxiety has gotten pretty bad lately. I just keep thinking about it without doing anything.

However... I'll do my best to schedule some classes within the next few hours. Will post back here when I'm done!

 

[Angler]

my social anxiety and people skills are so bad that they are the only thing I can think about.

I used to think I had social anxiety too, until I started giving speeches in front of people and saying hi/smiling to people I'd meet on the street. It may sound a little out there for you now, but all I had to do starting off was smile & say hi and it'd be a win in my book. I'd take the pressure off having a full blown conversation, and more than often people wanted to talk more.

I also realize that people forget about my mistakes faster than I can ever. So if you give yourself permission to mess up, joke about your mistakes, you really can't go wrong.

When things start rolling, you sort of feel more incline to see how badly you can screw up, as an inside joke, and still make the whole thing work out to a tee LOL.

Being interested in the person helps too, it keeps you out of your own head.

 

[Kak]

As a functional introvert, I know how this feels. You just have to face the fear. Your comfort zone gets bigger as you take this head on.

Put yourself in these situations intentionally as often as possible. Join a toastmasters group as well.

 

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[YanC]

Maybe going after your fastlane dreams is precisely the way to get over your introverted self, instead of waiting for things to sort themselves out beforehand.

That's what happened to me at least. I'm very much an introvert myself. I used to spend an hour repeating and repeating my speech again just to call a realtor to setup an appointment to visit a property. I then had to interact with realtors, contractors, sellers (even negociate a bit !), municipality officials, customers, dozens and dozens and dozens of people. I still feel more comfortable on my own but my whole life got infinitely better going through this, business included. It was not an overnight change, it just incrementally got better. Step by step. Little by little.

I'm not sure about the "brute force" method (ie: taking up a sales job while you can't make eye contact with someone), maybe going for something less sales intensive could be a nice start (I do short term rentals which means I basically set up my listings and don't have to call prospects all day long. I guess e-commerce would be similar in this regard).

Good luck, don't give up !

 

[Guest-5ty5s4]

Build on small wins. What's something super small you can challenge yourself to do that would build a little momentum and confidence for you personally? Even the tiniest thing.

 

[Fox]

I had some fastlane dreams last year but none of them worked out.

I've now realized that it's because my social anxiety and people skills are so bad that they are the only thing I can think about. Forget business, side hustles, etc. I can't even talk to people normally or look people in the eyes.

So I've decided that I want to pursue some kind of sales job - car sales, door to door, etc. - so I can develop these soft skills before embarking on another fastlane journey.

I feel like doing car sales would help me develop thick skin, confidence and people skills.... but would any dealership even hire me?

I can barely hold a conversation with someone so I feel like this would be a deal breaker for them.

In that case what should I do before applying for a car sales job? Maybe get a retail job as a stepping stone?

I'd appreciate any advice.

Thanks

What age are you and what does your lifestyle/routine look like?

Maybe we can help spot something which is causing these issues.

 

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[Mathuin]

I thought I had "social anxiety" for years.

Looking back I was just being a pussy.

Eat well, lift weights, train a sport (combat sports like BJJ would be great), stop listening to music - might be a good way to start.

Here is a SS of one of my posts from last year re it.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

By addressing your social anxiety, you are WORKING on your Fastlane dreams. This is NOT a postponement. Keep in mind that you are working on your process and your improvement. Again, not a postponement -- actually the opposite -- a continuation of your Fastlane process.

Give yourself some credit for confronting your comfort zones. This alone puts you in the top 10% of culture.

 

[GuestR401x3]

I had some fastlane dreams last year but none of them worked out.

I've now realized that it's because my social anxiety and people skills are so bad that they are the only thing I can think about. Forget business, side hustles, etc. I can't even talk to people normally or look people in the eyes.

So I've decided that I want to pursue some kind of sales job - car sales, door to door, etc. - so I can develop these soft skills before embarking on another fastlane journey.

I feel like doing car sales would help me develop thick skin, confidence and people skills.... but would any dealership even hire me?

I can barely hold a conversation with someone so I feel like this would be a deal breaker for them.

In that case what should I do before applying for a car sales job? Maybe get a retail job as a stepping stone?

I'd appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Start walking before you run. If you try to run a marathon without any preparation you will burn out. The same is with overcoming fears.

Keep a journal so you can track your progress and aim for 1% improvement every day from the day before. At first you won't see much progress, but as you improve your growth will compound and your confidence will grow.

 

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[Antifragile]

Join a toastmasters group

This x2.

 

[Vinz]

Where do you think this "social anxiety" originated from ? Did you have some traumatic episodes in your childhood that made you fearful of people ?
I know 100% I did. And like you are doing, I'm working on this aspect before jumping into a fastlane business.
Writing about the experience, venting it out, be it on paper or on your pc (the important part is that you write it) helped me massively. You can look into mental health resources on anxiety.

But the anxiety most of the time goes back to a traumatic experience.
Get a sales jobs for sure, but in the meanwhile release your past traumas and socializing will be much much easier.

 

[DougRMR]

Thanks, it's a book that I've always wanted to read. I'm going to read it today

That book changed my life as an awkward introvert. I'm due a re-read since my office job has made me pretty rusty but I can still feel the effects of taking action from the book to this day. It's not a magic pill, obviously, so you have to really internalize what you read and above all else, really learn to become interested in people because then you'll look like a phony.

Also, a couple of stepping stones might be 1) cold calling. It's not the same as face to face but at least it gets you over that hurdle of talking to random strangers (that helped me a lot, as well)

2) Personal Podcasts. Not for publishing purposes or anything, just to get you comfortable expressing yourself and talking into a camera. You can talk about your life, projects, fears, aspirations, ideas.. It really doesn't matter as long as you imagine that you're talking to a person. Then, look back at the videos and see how you express yourself. Do you have any ticks? No eye contact? No confidence? Whatever it is, you gotta be honest with yourself of what you can improve. This has also helped me a lot but I haven't done it in a long time.

Good luck, man!

 

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[ArmanK]

I had some fastlane dreams last year but none of them worked out.

I've now realized that it's because my social anxiety and people skills are so bad that they are the only thing I can think about. Forget business, side hustles, etc. I can't even talk to people normally or look people in the eyes.

So I've decided that I want to pursue some kind of sales job - car sales, door to door, etc. - so I can develop these soft skills before embarking on another fastlane journey.

I feel like doing car sales would help me develop thick skin, confidence and people skills.... but would any dealership even hire me?

I can barely hold a conversation with someone so I feel like this would be a deal breaker for them.

In that case what should I do before applying for a car sales job? Maybe get a retail job as a stepping stone?

I'd appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Fellow introvert here and I can confirm the magic formula is in seeking discomfort.

You can start with some simple exercises. One I like that Tim Ferriss recommended is asking for 10% off the next time you buy a coffee.

Dont tell them its because you are doing an exercise or anything. Just ask "can I please get a 10% discount?" and then be SILENT. Let them respond.

You quickly realize that the worst thing that can happen is they say no. Then you slowly start to build those extrovert muscles.

Youve got this @999michaelh !

 

[Johnny boy]

Maybe you should postpone your anxiety and work on your fastlane dreams

 

[Feuertaufe]

I had some fastlane dreams last year but none of them worked out.

I've now realized that it's because my social anxiety and people skills are so bad that they are the only thing I can think about. Forget business, side hustles, etc. I can't even talk to people normally or look people in the eyes.

So I've decided that I want to pursue some kind of sales job - car sales, door to door, etc. - so I can develop these soft skills before embarking on another fastlane journey.

I feel like doing car sales would help me develop thick skin, confidence and people skills.... but would any dealership even hire me?

I can barely hold a conversation with someone so I feel like this would be a deal breaker for them.

In that case what should I do before applying for a car sales job? Maybe get a retail job as a stepping stone?

I'd appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Well, maybe you´re just an introvert. And thats totally okay. Same here.

Why dont you start a sidehustle where you have to acquire customers. Make a first contact. I think that would be a good learning process. If you looking for something for work. I would suggest you should work for as real estate agent. There have a lot of contact with other people, if you like it or it would be your job. Most real estate agents work for free, so i think there is a low entry barrier.

Good luck and fortune.

 

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[heavy_industry]

I've considered acting, stand up comedy, martial arts, etc., for a long time. My problem is that I haven't taken any action yet because my social anxiety has gotten pretty bad lately. I just keep thinking about it without doing anything.

Start taking small steps.
Challenge yourself to do something you fear every day. It doesn't matter how small or ridiculous it might seem. Each and every step in a positive direction counts. Small victories add up and they compound over time.

Developing strong social skills is mandatory if you want to run a successful business. Sooner or later you will have to deal with people. And when the time comes, you better be good at it.

And the only way to become good at something is to practice doing it.

Start today.
You don't have to keep suffering.

 

[socaldude]

Ask yourself what the cost really is by doing nothing and still having social anxiety. The payoff just isn’t worth it. You're losing time and valuable opportunities.

You can practice your social skills anytime. Go to a coffee shop and do some small talk with the barista. Ask someone for their opinion on something.

I think the primary thing people struggle with is their identity. They think their identity has been reinforced and confirmed by those around them or their past behavior that they can’t see themselves “being” different.

 

[999michaelh]

As a functional introvert, I know how this feels. You just have to face the fear. Your comfort zone gets bigger as you take this head on.

Put yourself in these situations intentionally as often as possible. Join a toastmasters group as well.

Will do, thanks for the recommendation. I actually tried toastmasters about half a year ago - online because COVID - and the group just kept praising each other instead of giving practical advice so that kind of put me off. I'll probably retry toastmasters though.

What age are you and what does your lifestyle/routine look like?

Maybe we can help spot something which is causing these issues.

I'm 19 turning 20 soon.

Ever since middle school(7 years ago), I unfortunately developed a lifestyle of secluding myself in my bedroom like a hermit, wasting time on the internet whenever I wasn't at school.

My routine was wake up for school -> finish school -> lock myself in my bedroom until bedtime -> repeat.

I tried my hand at starting a fastlane business last year but burnt myself out working a ton on something I hated(ecommerce) thinking that I loved it(???) and basically returned to my hermit lifestyle, except this time it was worse because I no longer have the structure that schooling offers, so the lifestyle became a 24/7 ordeal.

Thankfully after 7 years, it's finally occured to me that I should get therapy(either this week or next week), so hopefully I can put these issues to bed once and for all.

I thought I had "social anxiety" for years.

Looking back I was just being a pussy.

Eat well, lift weights, train a sport (combat sports like BJJ would be great), stop listening to music - might be a good way to start.

Here is a SS of one of my posts from last year re it.

View attachment 43847

That's kind of funny! At some point in the last few months I actually started pondering whether or not I might be autistic because of how terrible I've been at interacting with people in my life. I'm also probably going to sign up for a Muay Thai gym next week because I believe martial arts will improve my confidence.

By addressing your social anxiety, you are WORKING on your Fastlane dreams. This is NOT a postponement. Keep in mind that you are working on your process and your improvement. Again, not a postponement -- actually the opposite -- a continuation of your Fastlane process.

Give yourself some credit for confronting your comfort zones. This alone puts you in the top 10% of culture.

Thanks MJ, that's very reassuring to hear. Just gotta keep reminding myself that everyone's journey is different I guess. I try my best to maintain a resilient, relentless attitude but the pessimism still gets to me sometimes. Working on it though!

Where do you think this "social anxiety" originated from ? Did you have some traumatic episodes in your childhood that made you fearful of people ?
I know 100% I did. And like you are doing, I'm working on this aspect before jumping into a fastlane business.
Writing about the experience, venting it out, be it on paper or on your pc (the important part is that you write it) helped me massively. You can look into mental health resources on anxiety.

But the anxiety most of the time goes back to a traumatic experience.
Get a sales jobs for sure, but in the meanwhile release your past traumas and socializing will be much much easier.

I think I'm naturally just not great at talking to new people. It got way worse in middle school though because I had no friends and everyone around me was new. Pretty standard stuff. Good luck on your self-improvement journey my friend.

Fellow introvert here and I can confirm the magic formula is in seeking discomfort.

You can start with some simple exercises. One I like that Tim Ferriss recommended is asking for 10% off the next time you buy a coffee.

Dont tell them its because you are doing an exercise or anything. Just ask "can I please get a 10% discount?" and then be SILENT. Let them respond.

You quickly realize that the worst thing that can happen is they say no. Then you slowly start to build those extrovert muscles.

Youve got this @999michaelh !

I've tried these types of challenges before. I guess it does work for me to some extent but the problem is that I agonize over the thought of doing those things for hours before actually doing them. I'd prefer to get something - like a job - that "forces" me into tough situations rather than me using willpower to create these situations.

-----------------------------------------
Appreciate all the comments everyone. Kind of heartwarming to see so many people chip in with advice & words of encouragement.

 

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[BAUCE]

Maybe going after your fastlane dreams is precisely the way to get over your introverted self, instead of waiting for things to sort themselves out beforehand.

That's what happened to me at least. I'm very much an introvert myself. I used to spend an hour repeating and repeating my speech again just to call a realtor to setup an appointment to visit a property. I then had to interact with realtors, contractors, sellers (even negociate a bit !), municipality officials, customers, dozens and dozens and dozens of people. I still feel more comfortable on my own but my whole life got infinitely better going through this, business included. It was not an overnight change, it just incrementally got better. Step by step. Little by little.

I'm not sure about the "brute force" method (ie: taking up a sales job while you can't make eye contact with someone), maybe going for something less sales intensive could be a nice start (I do short term rentals which means I basically set up my listings and don't have to call prospects all day long. I guess e-commerce would be similar in this regard).

Good luck, don't give up !

I like this method as well. As you start to see small glimmers of success you become more confident. Confidence in what you do really helps with becoming more comfortable around others in business.

 

[Kak]

Will do, thanks for the recommendation. I actually tried toastmasters about half a year ago - online because COVID - and the group just kept praising each other instead of giving practical advice so that kind of put me off. I'll probably retry toastmasters though.

It certainly isn’t perfect. I was in a small group, of mostly women, at an office building where probably 8/12 of them worked.

Since it was a smaller group, I got the opportunity to talk a lot. I just volunteered constantly. Toastmasters does have some good resources, and it’s cheap.

This is something that takes practice, plain and simple. I used Toastmasters as a bridge to keep me polished between meetings. Now, the radio show keeps me sharp.

I am absolutely someone that needs to exercise this muscle, because as good as I am at this now, it’s still work for me.

I say all of this because it can be done. You aren’t stuck this way. And granted, I started a lot better off than you say you are, but without me openly admitting it, I don’t think anyone would know how hard I had to work at this. I wasn’t a natural talker. I was a natural thinker, always up in my head, that decided to get really good at communicating.

The gold standard of communicating IMO was learning to think well ahead of my talking.

 

[Vinz]

I'm 19 turning 20 soon.

Ever since middle school(7 years ago), I unfortunately developed a lifestyle of secluding myself in my bedroom like a hermit, wasting time on the internet whenever I wasn't at school.

My routine was wake up for school -> finish school -> lock myself in my bedroom until bedtime -> repeat.

I tried my hand at starting a fastlane business last year but burnt myself out working a ton on something I hated(ecommerce) thinking that I loved it(???) and basically returned to my hermit lifestyle, except this time it was worse because I no longer have the structure that schooling offers, so the lifestyle became a 24/7 ordeal.

Thankfully after 7 years, it's finally occured to me that I should get therapy(either this week or next week), so hopefully I can put these issues to bed once and for all.

There it is. I had your same exact lifestyle when I was in school. Go to school then go home where I can't wait to get on videogames or on the internet for the rest of the day.
But then, like you I realized I was very unhappy and didn't like where I was heading.
So I started changing myself with very little steps initially.
I got a sales jobs, but I was just talking when it was needed and it remained that way for a long time.
That's why I suggest therapy can definitely speed it up.

DON'T think you are autistic !!!
It's VERY clear that your lifestyle caused this. You (we) can't expect to stay years reclused in the bedroom, on the internet, then go out one day and be pissed that you can't talk with people. It's normal. You gotta practice.

 

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[Kybalion]

Or how about you give yourself permission to be a nervous, eye-contact-avoiding wreck and proceed anyway?

I hop on sales calls and client meetings even though:

- My knees are weak and my palms are sweaty (I couldn't NOT quote Eminem, but it's true tho)
- Anxiety makes me twitch, stutter and speak with a HEAVY accent (in a field where I have to have mastery over English)
- I keep apologizing for being such a nervous mess and making inappropriate jokes...

And the surprising thing is... after enough shots - people eventually give me a chance.

Sure some people get freaked out and turned off by my anxiety. But those are not my people.

I've come to terms with being socially anxious, and even though the feeling sucks - it's just a feeling and I won't let it stand in my way... And if you have any Fastlane dreams then you shouldn't either.

Just accept it and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[heavy_industry]

I'm 19 turning 20 soon.

It's the perfect time to start learning how to socialize.
Your brain is still very plastic and you can completely transform yourself and your social ability in just a few months. You will reach mastery in a few years.

But beware: if you don't start right away, the anxiety and awkwardness will get worse over the years. You don't want to be 30 and have the exact same issues that you had at 20.

The clock is ticking, so don't wait another day.

Thankfully after 7 years, it's finally occured to me that I should get therapy(either this week or next week), so hopefully I can put these issues to bed once and for all.

In addition to seeing a mental health professional, I would highly recommend picking up a sport or going to the gym - it's one of the best tools to improve mentally.

 

[ArmanK]

Will do, thanks for the recommendation. I actually tried toastmasters about half a year ago - online because COVID - and the group just kept praising each other instead of giving practical advice so that kind of put me off. I'll probably retry toastmasters though.


I'm 19 turning 20 soon.

Ever since middle school(7 years ago), I unfortunately developed a lifestyle of secluding myself in my bedroom like a hermit, wasting time on the internet whenever I wasn't at school.

My routine was wake up for school -> finish school -> lock myself in my bedroom until bedtime -> repeat.

I tried my hand at starting a fastlane business last year but burnt myself out working a ton on something I hated(ecommerce) thinking that I loved it(???) and basically returned to my hermit lifestyle, except this time it was worse because I no longer have the structure that schooling offers, so the lifestyle became a 24/7 ordeal.

Thankfully after 7 years, it's finally occured to me that I should get therapy(either this week or next week), so hopefully I can put these issues to bed once and for all.


That's kind of funny! At some point in the last few months I actually started pondering whether or not I might be autistic because of how terrible I've been at interacting with people in my life. I'm also probably going to sign up for a Muay Thai gym next week because I believe martial arts will improve my confidence.

Thanks MJ, that's very reassuring to hear. Just gotta keep reminding myself that everyone's journey is different I guess. I try my best to maintain a resilient, relentless attitude but the pessimism still gets to me sometimes. Working on it though!



I think I'm naturally just not great at talking to new people. It got way worse in middle school though because I had no friends and everyone around me was new. Pretty standard stuff. Good luck on your self-improvement journey my friend.

I've tried these types of challenges before. I guess it does work for me to some extent but the problem is that I agonize over the thought of doing those things for hours before actually doing them. I'd prefer to get something - like a job - that "forces" me into tough situations rather than me using willpower to create these situations.

-----------------------------------------
Appreciate all the comments everyone. Kind of heartwarming to see so many people chip in with advice & words of encouragement.

I completely understand. You are approaching this in a very mature way.

Keep this in mind - you will look back on yourself 10 years from now and wont even recognize who you have become.

You will get incrementally better at this day by day. Trust the journey and know that the self awareness you already have is way more than 90% of people.

 

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[Deleted106527]

I thought I had "social anxiety" for years.

Looking back I was just being a pussy.

Eat well, lift weights, train a sport (combat sports like BJJ would be great), stop listening to music - might be a good way to start.

Here is a SS of one of my posts from last year re it.

View attachment 43847

I‘m curious: Why stop listening to music? To stop avoiding people because you have earbuds on?

 

[Mathuin]

I‘m curious: Why stop listening to music? To stop avoiding people because you have earbuds on?

That's one reason.

Music is very emotional. I have noticed that whenever I stopped listening to music, I was a lot calmer. I've heard this from a number of other people on the Internet as well.

Makes you live more in the present as music can bring up a lot of memories.

Walking around in public with your headphones on listening to music is essentially hiding from the world and retreating into yourself, which is the last thing someone with social anxiety needs.

Big Pharma has infiltrated the music industry to make anxiety trendy and push pills to the masses which is why everyone seems to have "an anxiety disorder" nowadays.

Talk to people and say hello to strangers more. The more you do anything, the less intimidating it becomes.

If you're wearing headphones in public, it makes you an easy target.

This is all just my own experience. He should just try it for a week. What's the worst that could happen?