Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

[bitgiggy]

Just read through all of this thread, thank you. I am struggling right now just to move forward with anything, I get distracted too easily by the next shiny object and go down deep rabbit holes, overcomplicating everything. I am hoping that getting to understand my core values as well as my personality will help clear things up for me.

 

[Sellas]

Thanks for posting this thread and this exercise, eliquid. I've spent the past week working through this and have found the personality tests to be both assuring and concerning. Every step of the way I felt like I was thinking "yep, that's me" or "ohhh, this explains so much". The only problem is that the exercise left me less sure about next steps than before. Almost as if the path I was trying to head down is counter-productive to my personality.

After several tests on several sites, it looks like the commonalities have me as an ISTJ and/or a 6w5 (with some fairly heavy 3 tendencies). The kicker now is in finding how to incorporate that into a fastlane model. I'm going to spend another week working through this, but definitely appreciate the time and effort that went into creating this thread. Thanks.

 

[eliquid]

Thanks for posting this thread and this exercise, eliquid. I've spent the past week working through this and have found the personality tests to be both assuring and concerning. Every step of the way I felt like I was thinking "yep, that's me" or "ohhh, this explains so much". The only problem is that the exercise left me less sure about next steps than before. Almost as if the path I was trying to head down is counter-productive to my personality.

After several tests on several sites, it looks like the commonalities have me as an ISTJ and/or a 6w5 (with some fairly heavy 3 tendencies). The kicker now is in finding how to incorporate that into a fastlane model. I'm going to spend another week working through this, but definitely appreciate the time and effort that went into creating this thread. Thanks.

Awesome.

The main thing is finding out the real personality profile you have.

Sounds like you got that far as a ISTJ / 6w5.

If it were me, the next step would be me finding out my core values.

You can do it 2 ways..

1. Get a big list of core values, read through them, narrow down to 15 or so... and keep doing that until you get the 15 down to just 5 or so. It will take time and multiple times of narrowing down.

2. Look up on Google what values ISTJ's have. Look up on Google what values 6w5's have. You will get some websites with conflicting info, just keeping looking and reading and listing out.

Personally, I did both because that's how INTJ / INTPs role.

And I looked at things like:

1. Did what I find out about ISTJ core values match up with those of 6w5's? If not, maybe I need to keep doing the personality tests and ennagram because potentially I am missing something. These should match really closely.

2. If the info from the ISTJ/6w5 core values match up, did that match up to what I put down reading a big list values and narrowing down myself on my own? If not, maybe I need to reread the big list and ask a lot of WHY's to get to my real core values inside.

3. Do these core values I got ( either from narrowing down from a big list, or off Google searches about ISTJ's ) not fit me, give me a bad feeling, or seem iffy? If so, you got the wrong values and need to redo either the personality tests or ask a lot of WHYs from a big list of values to find that that truly fit you 110%

I'm not saying you will get 100% matches, but you shouldn't having a lot of conflictions and mis-matches.

AND I did this several times over several weeks to make sure no current emotions or outside influence tainted my tests.

Once I got the core values out of the way... it was on to building out my mission statement and priorities. My mission statement was 90% build on my core values.

When I was done with that, I had a plan into what you called " a fastlane model ", or what I wanted to do.

So I listed out ( brain dumped ) every idea or business model I could think of that interested me. I didn't say love, just those that interested me or I knew about.

Then I compared those to my mission statement ( made up of my core values, taken from my personality ) heavily.

After a lot of trying to find matches, pros and cons lists, CENTs framework, etc... I came up with what I wanted to focus on in business.

It may also help some for you to look up jobs good for an ISTJ / 6w5 too. Not saying you want a job, but follow me here....

If we take myself...

I'm a INTP 5w4. Researching jobs, I had a ton of things that pointed to being self employed or taking jobs where I would be similar to a self employed person. Things like a lawyer, judge, financial broker/stock trader, web developer/designer, architect, etc....

Core values for those types also came to things like autonomy, entrepreneurship, stability, etc....

Everything matched for me. My core values I wrote out on my own, matched what I looked up for an INTP or 5w4. So I knew I was on track.

My mission statement, made up of my core values, ended up like this:

Solve problems with simplicity ( no choas, easy going life ), creativity, and entrepreneurship
Share my full knowledge, wisdom and insight with those that deserve it
Live a full and stable ( no choas ) life with complete and utter autonomy ( freedom, independence )

Not everything in my mission statement came from my core values. But all of my core values are in that mission statement.

So when I look at new opportunities, or business models, or what I want to do.. I compare that THING with my mission statement and ask myself, "Is this choice out of alignment with my values and mission statement?".

I also back it up to my priorities too. Does it fit in my priorities?

But you gotta tackle the personality first, which it seems like you have.

Now you gotta hack out the core values.

Once done you are on your way to finding out potentially what's going to fit you as a business model/plan.

Any questions?

 

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[Sellas]

Awesome.

The main thing is finding out the real personality profile you have.

Sounds like you got that far as a ISTJ / 6w5.

If it were me, the next step would be me finding out my core values.

You can do it 2 ways..

1. Get a big list of core values, read through them, narrow down to 15 or so... and keep doing that until you get the 15 down to just 5 or so. It will take time and multiple times of narrowing down.

2. Look up on Google what values ISTJ's have. Look up on Google what values 6w5's have. You will get some websites with conflicting info, just keeping looking and reading and listing out.

Personally, I did both because that's how INTJ / INTPs role.

And I looked at things like:

1. Did what I find out about ISTJ core values match up with those of 6w5's? If not, maybe I need to keep doing the personality tests and ennagram because potentially I am missing something. These should match really closely.

2. If the info from the ISTJ/6w5 core values match up, did that match up to what I put down reading a big list values and narrowing down myself on my own? If not, maybe I need to reread the big list and ask a lot of WHY's to get to my real core values inside.

3. Do these core values I got ( either from narrowing down from a big list, or off Google searches about ISTJ's ) not fit me, give me a bad feeling, or seem iffy? If so, you got the wrong values and need to redo either the personality tests or ask a lot of WHYs from a big list of values to find that that truly fit you 110%

I'm not saying you will get 100% matches, but you shouldn't having a lot of conflictions and mis-matches.

AND I did this several times over several weeks to make sure no current emotions or outside influence tainted my tests.

Once I got the core values out of the way... it was on to building out my mission statement and priorities. My mission statement was 90% build on my core values.

When I was done with that, I had a plan into what you called " a fastlane model ", or what I wanted to do.

So I listed out ( brain dumped ) every idea or business model I could think of that interested me. I didn't say love, just those that interested me or I knew about.

Then I compared those to my mission statement ( made up of my core values, taken from my personality ) heavily.

After a lot of trying to find matches, pros and cons lists, CENTs framework, etc... I came up with what I wanted to focus on in business.

It may also help some for you to look up jobs good for an ISTJ / 6w5 too. Not saying you want a job, but follow me here....

If we take myself...

I'm a INTP 5w4. Researching jobs, I had a ton of things that pointed to being self employed or taking jobs where I would be similar to a self employed person. Things like a lawyer, judge, financial broker/stock trader, web developer/designer, architect, etc....

Core values for those types also came to things like autonomy, entrepreneurship, stability, etc....

Everything matched for me. My core values I wrote out on my own, matched what I looked up for an INTP or 5w4. So I knew I was on track.

My mission statement, made up of my core values, ended up like this:

Solve problems with simplicity ( no choas, easy going life ), creativity, and entrepreneurship
Share my full knowledge, wisdom and insight with those that deserve it
Live a full and stable ( no choas ) life with complete and utter autonomy ( freedom, independence )

Not everything in my mission statement came from my core values. But all of my core values are in that mission statement.

So when I look at new opportunities, or business models, or what I want to do.. I compare that THING with my mission statement and ask myself, "Is this choice out of alignment with my values and mission statement?".

I also back it up to my priorities too. Does it fit in my priorities?

But you gotta tackle the personality first, which it seems like you have.

Now you gotta hack out the core values.

Once done you are on your way to finding out potentially what's going to fit you as a business model/plan.

Any questions?

Wow, I really appreciate the feedback. This is definitely going to be my homework for the next few weeks. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

You spelled everything out clearly and I don't have any questions for now. I'll follow back up later to keep the thread alive for everyone .

 

[Nedemon]

Hey, eliquid, some really deep and useful stuff you got here - thanks.

You've given your example of how you're using it - but to me it still seems unclear.


Like, I'm an ISTP-A with type 9-6 from Enneagram.

And it doesn't give me much except that I'm a software engineer and I fit into that career.

How do you draw strengths and actionable items from your personality type? Cause generally speaking, I'm a lazy person, I just like to tweak and play with my software screwdrivers once in a while so nothing is really happening for me.

And, as for all engineers here, building something was never a problem - instead, gauging demand was


I also took the bigger Strengths finder CliftonStrengths 34 test and tbh, that one left me completely confused.
It said that I'm a Maximizer, Adaptable and Activator - so essentially, I kinda can inspire and complement good actions from others and maybe make them do stuff.
But execution strategies are just missing - like, I'm not really a "doer something".
I guess that leaves me in a space where I should manage someone and explain how something is done but never do it myself.

Which all sounds sketchy in terms of our social club


And to summarize, how do you draw your values out of this mess? I guess I like to play with my tools of the trade/toys and often switch activities... so my value would be this constant sense of having fun? I don't see how that's going to help me focus and achieve something... :-(

 

[Nedemon]

I would question how you ended up knowing you were ISTP-A and 9w6.

Not because I don't believe you, but I know this process can be grueling to get right.

1. How many times did you take the MBTI? How many times did you take the Enneagram? If it was less than 10 times I would question the validity. If you want to know why, the answer is in this thread.

2. How far spaced out was each try at each test? If less than a month each I would question the validity.

Once we are past this section, here is how I would tackle/question the rest.

1. Did you do any research to compare your MBTI and your Enneagram test results? For example, I did a ton of research to see if my Enneagram matched my MBTI with questions similar to "what enneagrem is similar to INTJ", etc. I spend some considerable time on this. Mine matched up pretty good.

2. I read every MBTI and every enneagram to see if any outside of my results sounded more like me than my test result said.

3. Once confident that I really did have the right matches, I did other test partly out of fun like the Clifton and others. To dig in a bit more, but not really my guiding light.

4. I then researched what jobs/careers would match my MBTI and Enneagram. I spend some time on this, not just 1-2 searches online.

5. I paired up those jobs careers to the Clifton results and other tests outside of MBTI and Enneagram. Did they match up too? Mine did and then I could start to understand the strengths a bit better from the Clifton angle.

6. I did a lot more research into relationships of my MBTI and Enneagram. As in, how I connect with others and feelings and all that stuff.

7. Once I got into the above, the strengths from the Clifton and other tests that I did for fun became more clear. I could see why my Clifton strengths were the way they were and what they actually meant. I had context behind the analysis and words.

At this point, we dive into other areas....

1. For values, this is a big task too. I started out thinking what I thought values where and what I thought were mine. I wrote them all out on paper. I had a bunch, but many seemed like the same thing. Unhappy, I wanted to get to like 5 or 10 instead of the huge list I had. That's when I went researching what each of these values/words meant to other people so I could consolidate if possible and exclude some I got wrong.

2. I then broke out list of values other people wrote down. Not their values, but what was actually a value versus what was an idea or concept. A list of common values you could say. I link to these in the thread, so I went through several lists of these comparing to mine to see if "missed any" maybe I didn't think about.

3. I spent months refining them. The first week or 2 I got my list down to a small list. Consolidation, gut checks, and more got it down to about 20 or 15. I then got it down to 12 and 10, then 7, etc. I finally got it down to 5 but it took weeks of thinking about it off and on with days or weeks apart of not thinking about it. I asked a lot of "whys" on each value to really narrow down.

It's amazing what your brain can do if you detach from a problem for some time. That is why I suggest doing the MBTI and Enneagram and even this values list over time.

Every year, I go over my values, generally on my birthday and refine.

I then did some research on values and my MBTI and Enneagram. Would the type of person an INTJ 5w4 be really latch on to the values I had? What are common values for an INTJ and 5w4? etc. I wanted to see if my values typically aligned up to my MBTI and Enneagram.

Everyone is a unique person. Nothing everything will match 100% to your research. But are you 80-90% there? Are things closely matching up? That is what I was after.

Once I felt good about my values, I thought about my priorities. What is important to my life? This is where research and comparing stops. What is important to you will be unique to you.

I identified building my wealth, my family, and my health as priorities at one point. Depending on where I am every year, I might swap something out. That doesn't mean it's not important anymore, but something else might be more important at that moment in time. For example, family might drop off because my kids are at the age they are moving out and no longer with me daily. They are still MEGA important, but they are less reliant on me and I have taught them everything I could to prep them for life. Maybe I replace family with charity this year. I want to focus on 3 priorities so I can focus my journey this year.

Once I worked out the values and priorities, I start on my mission statement.

My mission statement is basically 3 sentences that contain my values and priorities. If I have 5 values ( words ) and 3 priorities ( words ), I basically create 3 sentences out of those.

Now everything I do the rest of the year ( choices ) is measured up to that mission statement to see if I am in alignment.

Then on my birthday, I reflect back on the last 12 months and refine the next 12 months forward.

When I say this takes a lot of work, it takes a lot of time and work/thinking to make sure you got it right. I don't want to be focusing myself in the wrong direction and wrong choices. It takes a lot to know where you ( the real you ) wants to go.

Questions?

Ok, so I took MBTI more than 20 times spaced out over several years.
And I gradually noticed myself moving from ENTP-A to ISTP-A over the years.
In the last few months ISTP-A is a pretty stable result for me.

What confuses me a lot is that my scale is like 51-49% mostly. Would you say it's a problem?
Like having 51% E/49% I isn't really a clear extravert.
Only thing that I got clear is T - that one is like 80% or more. All the others have been around 50% for me.

In terms of Enneagram - I also have took it at least 10 times spaced out over a year.
And usually my highest score is a tie between 9 and 6.
And second highest has another 2 or 3 categories.
Something like this - although they move around, not stable enough:

Type 9, The Peacemaker 20
Type 6, The Loyalist 19
Type 3, The Achiever 18
Type 7, The Enthusiast 18
Type 5, The Investigator 17
Type 4, The Individualist 16
Type 1, The Reformer 15

So i think I will do more retries over time - too many values clustered together, that can't be right.

On the other hand, I do not really possess the ability to empathyze, rather, I'm pretty manipulative and cold-blooded, relying on my intellectual powers to get things done and sometimes act like a chameleon, saying whatever is expected to be said. So that clouds my judgement a bit.

But it is really hard for me to do gut checks - I seem not to be able to do it. Like, the test says that I'm this - ok, it could be probably true.

Overall, I seem to value money above else and not to have any other obvious value. Maybe, comfort, having to work less, just sit in an armchair and enjoy the sunset - that type of thing

Retrospection seems to work for me better than introspection. Like I used to work that research job where I was constantly procrastinating and doing anything else other than the actual job - it probably means that I didn't like the actual job, for example. But I can't tell for sure...

 

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[eliquid]

Ok, so I took MBTI more than 20 times spaced out over several years.
And I gradually noticed myself moving from ENTP-A to ISTP-A over the years.
In the last few months ISTP-A is a pretty stable result for me.

What confuses me a lot is that my scale is like 51-49% mostly. Would you say it's a problem?
Like having 51% E/49% I isn't really a clear extravert.
Only thing that I got clear is T - that one is like 80% or more. All the others have been around 50% for me.

In terms of Enneagram - I also have took it at least 10 times spaced out over a year.
And usually my highest score is a tie between 9 and 6.
And second highest has another 2 or 3 categories.
Something like this - although they move around, not stable enough:

Type 9, The Peacemaker 20
Type 6, The Loyalist 19
Type 3, The Achiever 18
Type 7, The Enthusiast 18
Type 5, The Investigator 17
Type 4, The Individualist 16
Type 1, The Reformer 15

So i think I will do more retries over time - too many values clustered together, that can't be right.

On the other hand, I do not really possess the ability to empathyze, rather, I'm pretty manipulative and cold-blooded, relying on my intellectual powers to get things done and sometimes act like a chameleon, saying whatever is expected to be said. So that clouds my judgement a bit.

But it is really hard for me to do gut checks - I seem not to be able to do it. Like, the test says that I'm this - ok, it could be probably true.

Overall, I seem to value money above else and not to have any other obvious value. Maybe, comfort, having to work less, just sit in an armchair and enjoy the sunset - that type of thing

Retrospection seems to work for me better than introspection. Like I used to work that research job where I was constantly procrastinating and doing anything else other than the actual job - it probably means that I didn't like the actual job, for example. But I can't tell for sure...

I have a similar experience.

I have bounced around from INTJ and INTP on MBTI. For a long time I settled on INTJ as my Type.

More recently though, I am showing INTP.

The thing is, this isn't an exact science. Many things like mood and experience can sway you. Im fine with being "in the middle" at the moment. The MBTI doesn't really define me or make my choices for me, it just HELPED me narrow down and find the right values/career, etc. Key word HELPED.

Why?

Well in my case it was a bit more clear cut and white/black. INTJ and INTP are pretty damn similar when you look at career choices, relationships, values, etc. So it might have been easier for me to accept both and being somewhat unclear.

On Enneagram, I can see myself as 5w4 and 5w6. But they are so similar that the differences don't matter much. Again, maybe I got lucky.

What I would do is look at your results and ask yourself, which ones are the same on both ENTP-A to ISTP-A? Which careers and which relationship advice are same? Where do things stay closely the same?

And I would start there.

Remember, this isn't defining you yet. It's just a base.

What really defines you ends up being the values, priorities and mission statement.

It's just that I personally needed validation. I wanted to know the data. I had to ensure I left no stone uncovered.

So when I did my values I went over lists of values, my values, values a INTJ would have, etc. I listed out what a value meant to me and then went and found out what it meant to others.

The values are the secret. Knowing everything I could about INTJ and 5w4 just ensured and helped me when I needed it in narrowing down the values list.

Priorities came next. This should be pretty easy but can be hard for some people to come up with.

I am no MBTI or Enneagram guru. I couldn't tell you anything about an ENTP or ISTP.

Mostly because, I did this exercise to learn about me and only me.

But let me share with you my mission statement:

Solve problems with simplicity ( no choas, easy going life ), creativity, and entrepreneurship
Share my full knowledge, wisdom and insight with those that deserve it
Live a full and stable ( no choas ) life with complete and utter autonomy ( freedom, independence )

If you know anything about INTJ/INTP or 5w4/5w6, you can see bits and pieces of those personalities in my mission statement, because my values reflect my personal experience and MBTI/Enneagram.

1. Solve problems - INTJ/INTP - but I didn't pick this because I was an INTJ, I just love to solve problems ( bring value ). It just so happens to lends itself to INTJ too.

2. Share my full knowledge - INTJ/INTP - I love to talk and share and delight with what I know ( part of solving problems and bringing value )

3. creativity and entrepreneurship - part of the 5w4 and INTJ - I get bored easily and Im independent. I have to stay creative to be entertained.

4. Those that deserve it - this is a reference to my family. My family is more important than anyone outside of it. They should know everything I share before others.

5. Autonomy - references my 5w and INTJ/P

6. Simplicity/Stable - I don't remember if I actually got this from INTJ/5w4 but this is more about my life experience. I'm tired of finding complex ways to do stuff. It's actually more creative to find the "simple" in things and do it. Less is more. Also simple tends to be more stable.

7. "Solve problems with simplicity ( no choas, easy going life ), creativity, and entrepreneurship" - This is part of my priorities when it comes to "My Wealth".

8. "Share my full knowledge, wisdom and insight with those that deserve it" - This is part of my priorities when it comes to "My Family". But it does lend itself to "My Wealth" too some.

9. "Live a full and stable ( no choas ) life with complete and utter autonomy ( freedom, independence )" - This is part of my priorities when it comes to "My Health" ( mentally ), but lends itself to "My Family" and "My Wealth" too some.

The real thing you are looking for is your values.

I just happen to use my MBTI and Enneagram and Clifton, etc - to shape my values and get them right for me.

However, you could possibly find your values without them. I tend to feel this would be very difficult without the data ( the INTJ in me ), but it could be done.

Focus on the values, it's what's gonna shape things for you in the long run.

 

[eliquid]

A few years ago when I was working as a consultant, I reviewed an app (that unfortunately, no longer exists). It had you record a bunch of things you did each day (sleep, exercise, eat well, be creative, and a bunch of others, I forget) and record your happiness each day for 10 days. Then, after 10 days, they told you what daily activities you did on days that you were the happiest.

To my utter surprise, being creative was the thing most linked to my happiness. None of the other healthy things that modern self-help media told me would make me happy made much of a difference.

It was a huge eye opener and I started to see just how different each of us are. So I started thinking and exploring which experiences really made me happy. It took a lot of reflection—"Why isn't this activity making me happy?" "What would need to change about this activity to make me happy?" etc...

Eventually I discovered, I'm happy as long as:

• I'm creating something.
• I'm learning something.
• I have the freedom to make my own decisions.
• I'm engaging with the world in ways that have postive impacts.
• I have the freedom to spend my time how I want to.

Which translates into these values: Creativity, Personal Growth, Autonomy, Kindness, & Balance.

Sometimes it's hard for us to see our values without translating them into experiences. So hopefully this approach can help some of you who are struggling to figure out your values.

This is really good sharing.

I did something similar, not with an app, but listing out what made me happy and trying to extract the values from it.

So I had an idea ( sort of ) what my values could be and then jumped into all the reading of values and testing, etc.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[eliquid]

Hey all!

So for 2022, I am going to giving up a few things.. one of which is spending times on forums/social media.

This isn't for any bad reason, but to spend more time on other ventures and personal things.

I won't be updating this thread, so if you post questions and thoughts I didn't want you to think I ignored you if you are seeking an answer and I don't reply.

 

[Tim K.]

I'd love to start with a bit of very well deserved gratitude.
Thank you @eliquid for this thread and for sharing so openly your findings about your inner self. You provided immense value by sharing what steps you took and how long they took and I honor you for that.
Your systematic approach is powerful, the people that look at these kinds of tests with distain would reconsider. (I know I did) Thank you for creating such a quality thread.


It is currently week 3 with my testing (I started prior to making my account)

I have always tried to stay true to self and be me 100% of the time, so I felt finding the core values was a little easier than I expected.
It was made even easier with the resources in this thread, thankyou for those

My Values:

• Authenticity (Freedom to express self as I am)
• Autonomy (Freedom from others authority and debt)
• Family (My Brothers and Sisters)
• Learning (Absorbing any form of knowledge)
• Maximized Efficiency (Achieving maximum results in the most the least amount of time)
• Stability (No worries with income)
• Usefulness (Helping people with problems)

With these values I wrote this mission statement:

"To stay authentic applying maximized efficiency in learning skills that actually help people while creating a stable life that provides for my family and grants autonomy"​

I used eliquids mission statement as a blueprint because I really liked it's structure.
I did some tests every other day to see if these values aligned and was pleasantly surprised that they did.
The Myers Briggs ended with the result INTJ-A.
The Enneagram ended up with the result 5w4.
The CVI test ended with the result of INNOVATOR/BANKER.
The OSPP Four Temperaments Test resulted in phlegmatic.
The Left-Brain/Right-Brain Test scored me at 42% Left - 58% Right
The Multiple Intelligences Test I got logical-mathematical intelligence (97%) and intrapersonal intelligence (90%). (not thoroughly tested)
The Crystallizer Assessment made me sad with a score of Visionary: ~63 Interrogator: ~73 (not very high scores)

I did my homework and looked into the natural inclinations, strengths and weaknesses, and careers of those personalities and was agreeing with every line. ( I won't go into detail as I'm sure you've seen plenty of this type, courtesy of eliquid )
I found myself looking for more and more information. (It's extra fun to see because it was described as a nature of INTJs)

I worry for myself a lot though. Thanks to TFLF a term was burnt into my mind, "action-faking." It seems that it's in my nature to strive for knowledge (I couldn't agree more) but this works against me as I am not currently running a business.

Thankfully, my worries are easing a bit, I now have a mission statement to direct myself in knowledge consumption.
I will take a break from the tests and let the results and mission statement settle.

Overall this was a great journey so far. I have gained a system to sort content consumption. I see this as an absolute win.
I'm glad I took the time to delve deeper into self-understanding and putting my values on paper.

Bit of a long, self-centered post. I'm always open to hear advice and opinions, if you have any please do share!
Thank you for reading!

-Tim

 

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[Dsant]

Great thread, really appreciate the in-depth content and the time you've put in this thread @eliquid went through all of the pages and will work on this as well.

Doing the 16personalities test definitely helped me understand myself better, and I agree, do it multiple times for me the first time it was completely off, and I didn't pay much attention to this for that reason.

This also helped me in my relationship as I am an ISTJ and my partner is an ENFP (literal opposites) sometimes it's a challenge, but also exciting since we fill out each other weak points. Understanding what our values are and how our mind works definitely helps. I wish I came across this sooner.

"The only problem is that the exercise left me less sure about the next steps than before. Almost as if the path I was trying to head down is counter-productive to my personality."

@Sellas, did you end up doing this exercise? I can totally relate to what you're saying here.

 

[yimi]

Great post and thank you @eliquid for the clarification on values. Quite literally, reading information like this is often invaluable

I'd like to add something to this. If you're struggling to think about your core values then just think about all the best 'phases' of your life. For example - my best times were when I lived by myself in Thailand or moved to another city and got a flat. The common 'theme' between these values is autonomy and therefore that is likely super important to me moving forward.

Another way to look at it is to look back at a time in your life when you have been depressed/low and work back from the opposite. For example, my lowest points in life Lockdown when I had to move back into my (toxic) family home and could not go anywhere - and during my first year of university, where I was stuck in a very small room in the countryside with little going on around me other than lectures and partying. Common theme? Lack of freedom/mobility - whatever you call it. The obvious solution to that is that I need freedom.

Just by looking into my past 'phases', I figured out that two of my most important values are freedom and autonomy. Another is when I sold hot tubs during the lockdown and made an excess of £5000 per month for like half a year - it was a very happy time for me. Same for my amazon FBA store during my last years of high school. Common theme? Monetary Income, Entrepreneurship etc.

Hope this helps! For reference, my current values are:

1. Autonomy
2. Routine
3. Health/Fitness
4. Monetary Success


Best,

Yimi

 

[eliquid]

As we get close to the end of 2022 and enter into 2023, I want to bump this thread for those of you that like to do "new year, new you" type of activities.

 

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[LuckyPup]

Wanted to shamelessly bump for 2023.

I did a reread of this thread and Im planning to evaluate some things for the new year.. not really with more tests or anything, but just thoughts and directions and goals as priorities shift.

In the last 6 years since this thread started, my kids have graduated high school, started college or moved to other countries and started their own careers.. and now life is a lot different than it was prior.

And with major shifts in life, you need to re-evaluate where you are headed and if a pivot is needed to keep you where you want to go.

While I still love my kids ( right? ), focus has to be on my wife and me now. Things like health as you get older, finances ( retirement, grandchildren, etc ), bucket lists, and leaving a legacy afterward.

For everyone else, be thinking about your life today and the changes it may need to get you there, and how this might impact your values.

I loved your OP and have watched this thread for over a year. Have you read The Second Mountain, by David Brooks? Good book for the stage of life in which you appear to be. I think you might enjoy it.

 

[eliquid]

Coming into q4 is a good time to review where you are in life and plan for the new year and get things situated.

Anyone from this thread still on track from when they started?

 

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[srodrigo]

Anyone from this thread still on track from when they started?

Not really. Quite frustrated these days actually. But we'll get there.

 

[Andy Black]

The short answer is basically:

1. It wasn't a simple deal. Very complex ( un-needly ) and also tied me up for a set period of time. This violated 2 of my core values.
2. I dealt with the company prior as a customer 5 years ago. They were very customer UN-friendly. I didn't want that type of experience now as a collab. How could I trust them today, when they did me wrong 5 years ago.
3. My gut was telling me, something was off. I felt they didn't deserve my insight and wisdom ( another core value I had ) with this collab. I can't pinpoint it yet, but I think some of it overlaps with #2 above and also how complex and tied up I would be ( #1 above ). It just felt like, they didn't deserve to know what I could share with them.

I know #3 sounds odd, but it takes a lot for me to share with someone everything I know. I mean, it took me a lot of time, money, blood and sweat/tears to know what I know. I can't give that up to just anyone. It's not about money or what I get in return, it's more about... are you going to be the type of person that doesn't abuse what I share with you?

If someone gives me the feeling they might abuse it, I have a hard time sharing it with them.

#3 doesn't sound odd at all.

I don't show everyone how I bulk create ad campaigns. I had a short course on it but took it down.

I trust your gut on this deal Jason.

 

[WarWizard]

An upsell to Perry Marshall's excellent book "80/20 Sales & Marketing" was a Productivity Course.

His premise was that you'd never be fully productive until you did what came naturally.
Once you do what comes naturally to you then it's like hitting a jet stream - you shoot forward faster than you've ever gone before, and with no extra effort.
You suddenly fit like a hand in a glove.

As part of the exercise I asked 10-15 people to tell me what my superpower is.
I also took Perry's Marketing DNA Test.

Dayum, but I'd spent 15 years of my life in IT support as a Database Administrator, doing all the things that are NOT my superpowers.
I just happened to be pretty good at being anal, process driven, and solving theoretical problems whilst working in a cubicle.
Apparently people who are good academically can end up in those kind of engineering jobs when it's not what suits them.

The tests say I thrive in environments that are the complete opposite of what I'd spent most of my career in to date.
I prefer unstructured, live, and seat-of-your-pants stuff.
I apparently often don't know what I'm about to say until I start talking.
I prefer moving fast, without a plan.
In fact, I just like moving.

I was probably about 43 when I took that first test.
A lot of things suddenly made sense.
I've taken a few since, and I'm still learning how best to use my own superpowers.

I may end up doing this as detailed as @eliquid has.
Even just being mindful that matching my goals and activities to my personality and values has had a massive impact on my life in the last few years.

Great thread @eliquid. Thanks for all your time writing this up for us.

Hey @Andy Black ,

Quite interesting about Perry's Marketing DNA test.

Would be great to read how it helped you on your journey, when you get to it.

Just wondering if you have done the Kolbe A Index and Wealth Dynamics tests, and how they correlated to your Marketing DNA results?

From where I'm looking at it, the Marketing DNA test seems like its been derived from the Kolbe A and niched down, like Joe Polish's test, which was a direct derivative of the Kolbe, developed with the help of Kathy Kolbe.

 

[ALC]

Is there any way to see which career is appropriate for every profile ? (INTJ / ..... / ....)

 

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[eliquid]

Is there any way to see which career is appropriate for every profile ? (INTJ / ..... / ....)

Yes, there is a ton of info out there about this on Google

 

[Nadine Fortin]

I am familiar with Enneagram, MBTI, etc. I usually do a WHY discovery with my clients. I would be curious to do the process with you since you have obviously worked a lot on yours.

Thanks for your series of posts. they gave me a couple of a-ha moments.

 

[eliquid]

Ah, you are right, I try to stay away from emotion too, didn't realize pride is one. There goes my pride.. (off my values list

Someone people might say it's not, but when people can say "hurt my pride", I look at it like an emotion.

 

[eliquid]

Just bumping to get more eyeballs.

I know there are a few people hitting issues with their resolutions that might need some advice.

 

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[Real Deal Denver]

You're the same guy that tracked me through multiple threads, upset that I asked a vague question and then said "never mind."

Would you say going postal and becoming being a stalker is an emotion?

HEY - just kidding! I do the same thing all the time!

 

[Johnny boy]

Idk, I'm enjoying friends and girls plenty. I'm very glad I decided to start throwing parties and getting back into dating pretty hard.

 

[eliquid]

Due to the success of another similar thread on this forum, thought I would bump as the holiday season can lead to some being depressed and also lead to some to rethink their year and goals for next year.

 

[eliquid]

Wow, I really appreciate the feedback. This is definitely going to be my homework for the next few weeks. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

You spelled everything out clearly and I don't have any questions for now. I'll follow back up later to keep the thread alive for everyone .

Cool,

and to add some more color...

Now that I have my mission statement ( again, made from my values plus a little extra ) I define most of what I do off it.

Solve problems with simplicity ( no choas, easy going life ), creativity, and entrepreneurship
Share my full knowledge, wisdom and insight with those that deserve it
Live a full and stable ( no choas ) life with complete and utter autonomy ( freedom, independence )

So when I have a decision I need to make and I am stuck on what to do, I use my mission statement for it.

Lets say I have 2 new opportunities..

1. Start a new Adsense site with 5 partners

2. Build a SaaS by myself in a vertical I know nothing about

Comparing both to my mission statement, this is what I would do:

1. An Adsense site is simple and entrepreneurial, but it's not creative really and I wont have autonomy with my partners more than likely. Eh, this isn't a great fit

2. A SaaS could be simple ( I've built a lot ) and it can allow me to be creative and entrepreneurial. I can also have autonomy. If I add in X Y or Z, It will allow me to help and share wisdom with my clients. This would be the better fit.

You can fit this to other areas in your life too.

It depends on how far you take your core values, and the way you understand your core values.

For example, I used mine recently to sway myself away from buying a new home with a Mortgage.

Why?

I don't think that really leads me to stability or autonomy.

Moving to a new place where I know 0 people and know 0 about the area doesn't seem stable TO ME. Plus all the stuff that goes into moving and how to deal with family, etc.

It also doesn't seem autonomous to me. Noticed I said buy a new home with a Mortgage. To me a mortgage means I have to generate X income to meet that Mortgage. I'm pretty solid in my finances and my ability to make a high income, but do I really want to be tied down to a Mortgage and the feeling of 25 years making a payment to someone else and keeping things up to do that? That's MY VIEW.

And in the end, whats important about my values and beliefs is what is at this core. It's how I see it and want to live.

So maybe I don't buy a new home with a Mortgage, but maybe I buy a older home outright with cash.

That's how my core values and mission statement shape my choices, which can be personal or business.

Hope that can clear some things up.

When you get to this stage, you can start adding in other frameworks like CENTS on top of it.

In that example, maybe the SaaS choice I picked above wouldn't make CENTS ( as a framework ) though but it did pass my core values framework.

When you start layering in more, you help guide yourself to better choices.

.

 

[Paul David]

Just wanted to say that lately I’ve noticed this is an extremely common experience but people often think they’re the only ones experiencing it.

Sounds like the “reading” and the “spending time on forum” and the search for the perfect approach is a surface level manifestation of deeper issues.

The most obvious is fear of failure. You can’t fail if you don’t try, but something like “reading” can be easily rationalized as preparing yourself, rather than not trying at all.

But why are you afraid of failure?

I think deep down it has to do with self-esteem.

For my current business, Covid has ultimately shaped the direction I've taken but the reason why the business hasn't grown is simply because I haven't told enough people to try my Saas.

I don't fear failure, in fact I already have customers. I know there's a massive need and other competitors have plenty of customers for a similar solution. I know 100% that if just went out and prospected for my clients I couldn't fail.

The reason for my problem is simply down to the fear of hearing the word no. Or just negative reactions to my solution in general. That's what I'm working to overcome.

For anyone else struggling in this area I've just read a book about it below, it's basically the story of the guy who decided to cure this rejection fear and filmed himself asking stupid requests.

Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection​

 

[eliquid]

I loved your OP and have watched this thread for over a year. Have you read The Second Mountain, by David Brooks? Good book for the stage of life in which you appear to be. I think you might enjoy it.

I have not, but thanks for bringing it up as I will add it to my reading list for 2023

 

[eliquid]

Wanted to bump this thread since we are almost a month away from 2024.

I don't count the last 10 days of December, since most of us are busy with holidays, family, planning, etc... So having time to one's self and really digging in is going to be limited to about 1 month ( IMHO ).

Where are you at with your values and mission statement? Have you checked in and realized you need to change some things?

Also, I started a new X/Twitter profile over at https://twitter.com/scalewithbrown/ where I will be posting more about topics like this.

If you are wanting to grow in 2024, head over and give me a follow and a like

 

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