Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

[dgr]

Digging deeper in the 16personalities site, I've found some more tests available in the member area. Some of them are free. I've taken the Job Preference Test and is quite simple but useful.

Find it in Members Area | 16Personalities. To have acces to the members area, you have to enter your e-mail after taking the test.

It also worths to access to the Premium Profile sales letter. As @eliquid said regarding to use this information to personalize your marketing messages to your audience, they obviously are using it.

They speak directly to me. They know exactly what to say to me. This sales letter is epic!

After taking the test, go to Premium Profiles | 16Personalities if you want to see it.

 

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[jms0717]

Thoughts
@eliquid is
Fi af
T af
J
—since learning MBTI and cognitive functions, I automatically analyze everyone. It’s honestly a curse in some ways. I’m INFJ with a strong Ti and Fe, so analytical and P af. I was happy to see you mention personality etc. A lot of people discount it as “not science” when that’s really not the point - it’s to get to know yourself. It’s been super important to me and my friends who have used it to do basically this exercise, but not as in depth.

I NEED TO DO MY MISSION STATEMENT

Getting to the real why is so freaking terrifying

I think I may need to reevaluate INFJ vs INTJ now.
I really need to re-evaluate with that brutal honesty. Not sure how to get there though.

Ok. I took the 16personalities test more honestly than usual. I got INTP for the first time ever. WTF. Also, lol after what I said above.That's the thing though, I've taken these tests and studied MBTI so much that I could get any result you asked me to. And I'm feeling more TP ish, so I got it. Not really surprising. Time to do some soul searching re: values.

I think values should definitely be based on how you currently are. Things change, but your actions and how you feel about them won’t change much.If you're feeling comfortable with your actions, you'll know. If you're feeling uncomfortable with your actions, you know too.

I literally did the stars next to values thing awhile back for family stuff. Should have done it for myself, but I was too scared to, tbh.

YES YES YES (finding out who you are and living congruently and building that life from the rubble of the script.)

To confirm, I also use cognitive functions I mentioned at the beginning. A quick intro that I always refer back to is cognitiveprocesses.com

 

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[dgr]

There is also the u-turn. Im not sure if @MJ DeMarco uses this in the book ( I havent memorized it ) but lets say before you realize your values you are in the slowlane. Once you figure them out, you plan a course for the fastlane. But instead of changing lanes smoothly, maybe you have to do a u-turn and go the other direction into their fastlane.

That u-turn pivot might take a couple months to pull off. It might take you time to totally course correct and shed that job ( or business ) and get the resources needed to u-turn into the fastlane in the other direction.

That u-turn phase can cause you to doubt yourself and can open you to rethinking if you are doing the right thing. Hard times might come and you might want to head for the safety of the slowlane again.

I am currently inmerse in that u-turn pivot. Sometimes it is exciting and other times (most times) is scary. I think my ego is strongly counterattacking haha. The process of knowing yourself and, most importantly, accepting it as it is and then doing something following that self-knowledge is hard.

But it worth it bro. It worth it.

 

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[ALC]

Do you think for someone who is naturally more a lonely hustler should keep this path or try something different ?

Like, i'm trying to open a new concept of Coffee Shop (long story) because i know i'm able to make something great, but i'm also nervous because i don't like to work with other people.

I'm an ENTJ, i love to help people, but i also prefer to work lonely (which is not what i'm doing right now as i am Coffee Shop Manager / Barista), i'm more in the lifestyle of a Trader for example.

What would you say from your experience and several tests ?

Thanks,
Alessio.

 

[ALC]

I think for the majority of people, and for the majority of times, at our core we do not change.

Is it possible to change? Yes

Is it likely or easy? No

Because of that, I feel that at our core "a leopard doesn't change his spots" for the majority of time.

Because of this, don't try to change who you are or fight it. If you love to help people and also be a loner, don't try to be a manager of other people or work in large groups as it will just drag you down.

At best, maybe you can find another loner like yourself that likes to help people that you can work with. While you would be his manager, he could work independent of you and you wouldn't feel like you were working "with people". Maybe you can put him in charge and you come in 1x a week to "manage" and set expectations.

If your issue is the customer ( working as a loner ), then you would need to get out of any role where you interact with people daily on an immediate basis ( anytime they need their coffee ) and change that do where you have the power to dictate when you interact with them ( giving you the power as the loner ). As in, you either do above ( put someone in as manager and you come in 1x a week ) or you find a new position/career where you dictate when you interact with people.

With my SaaS for an example, I can dictate when I help people in the support desk role. When a ticket comes in, I don't have to jump and answer it right then and there, I can wait 2-3 hours maybe. When someone wants coffee or has an issue, you have to fix it right there. You might need to be in a role like me where you have power to interact with people on your timeline.

.

Thanks for your reply eliquid !

Yes since little i'm a lonely hustler, i prefer to go to the gym lonely i'm way more focused and when someone talk to me i just can't (not anti social, i just work better when i'm not disturbed).
For the Coffee Shop, i can work with people but not too much, i would prefer to be the owner of the business (that i would be) but not working in it 8h a day.

The problem with my concept is that i can't open it without teaching the employee how it works for at least 3/5 months, training professionnal Barista take actually so much time compared to Starbucks where you just have automatic milk machine, coffee machine and so on..

The trading lifestyle is more appropriate, or the designer lifestyle, it's the same.
Like, i could trade while being in different countries there's no problem..excepted the capital to invest in the plateform lol!

I see the whole picture of your message and i must admit it's true..
I could see myself as an independant trader/R.E Investor, it's more appropriate than being behind the bar all day long

 

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[Bramxq]

Thanks for this post, i'm impressed. Added to my favorite, will read through it when I have time =)

 

[Mckenzie]

I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.

However, I'm going for my 3rd Gold on purpose with this thread.

Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.

My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.

And yes, I posted this on another forum first. Why? I didn't know how some of you would take it. So I decided to post it elsewhere, get feedback, and refine it for here. Kinda like how Seinfeld and other comics try out their new jokes on smaller venues before doing them in front of larger crowds.

I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....

Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.

In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.

These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.

But see, life is funny in that way.You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.

In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It was one of many and it was not my last. However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.

So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.

I didn't post this background information elsewhere. I wanted you all to know the background so you could see where I was coming from and why I posted it. The story jumps to the present day now below:

The Post

Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.

But the big question is, what is it I want?

And what do I do when my want's change?

It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

In 2015, my core values were:

• Individuality
  
• Freedom
  
• Trust
  
• Simplicity
  
• Activeness

These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:

• Simplicity
  
• Creativity
  
• Entrepreneurship
  
• Stability
  
• Autonomy

Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...

It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.

So why is this important?

As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.

Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.

If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.

For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:

"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.

An example of this might be:

• Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
  • I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
• Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
  • It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
• Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
  • It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
  • However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.

A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.

You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.

But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.

So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).

Get the picture?

Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.

Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.

BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.

One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.

My priorities for 2015 where these:

• Family
• Charity & Faith
• Building Net Worth

I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.

Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.

For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.

I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.

And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.

This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.

You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.

Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.

Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.

Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:

• Simple - It's not hard to write content
• Creative - I can write about any topic and any when I pick one, any idea in that topic with a touch of flair
• Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
• Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
• Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects

So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.

Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.

It's not hard to prove either.

Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.

You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?


Do yourself a favor....

1. Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
2. Make a mission statement around them
3. Figure out your top 3 priorities
4. Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
5. Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
6. In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.

OMG....thank you so much Eliquid. Every single word you've written here is just simply GOLD, and as if you wrote it to me, for me.
I really appreciate you for this, thank you, thank you....

 

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[baljitlewis]

I've done the 16personalities test a couple times and gotten INFP-T, or mediator. I feel like it describes me almost 100% accurately, and also makes sense why I can't stand my current job so much...

 

[RaffUnscripted]

I'm also going to touch on Enneagrams and Myers Briggs personality types because this touches on the WHY behind your values and desires as well as marketing within your business to your customers.

.

Enneagram is awesome. I give the 35 question free test to all new hires. Blows their mind when they see the results.

 

[ahartley]

I've only read the first post of this thread, and I can already tell I'll be coming back to this one over and over to remind myself of this...

 

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[DClaiborne]

Great thread and another INTJ-T checking in. I've known I'm an INTJ-T for years now and can recognize the strengths/weaknesses that come with it, but I'd never heard about the Enneagram test until this thread. "Unfortunately" on the Enneagram Test, I'm a 7-4-1 so I have a lot of learning and understanding in those areas.

 

[barman]

This is a fantastic thread at just the right time for me. I seem to have gotten to a place where I'm spinning my wheels and not entirely sure what to do next with my life.

I took the 16Personalities test and got Debater (ENTP-T) At first I thought, I'm not really a debater at all. Then I read the descriptions and a huge majority of it was spot on. So much so that I started to think that this is all very "horoscop-y" where if you say enough general things they're going to apply to anybody. I took the test 2 more times since, and ended with the same result.

I'm going do the Enneagram one next. I've never heard of Enneagram until reading about it a few times on this forum, so curious to see what insight that one provides.

 

[eliquid]

What if I don't have a personality type?

Everyone has one. You might not know which one it is though

 

[AlexFS]

Struggling between these two - pride and self sufficiency. Can pride even be a core value or an after effect of fulfilling your core values?

A lot of things that I deem as me being self sufficient would make me proud. Working on a project at my job could make me proud if I have lot of autonomy on it. But it won't necessarily have anything to do with self sufficiency.

So when I make decisions, would I use pride or self sufficiency as a core value? By the way autonomy is already a core value for me

I feel like I should go with self sufficiency. Pride is too general, it is like saying my core value is happiness, well then you are stuck in an endless loop, what makes you happy etc

@eliquid Thank you for creating such a helpful thread! I think I have been putting this off for too long, and you helped create a great guide to get things off the ground.

 

[AlexFS]

Ah, you are right, I try to stay away from emotion too, didn't realize pride is one. There goes my pride.. (off my values list

 

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[rogue synthetic]

Maybe it could help to distinguish trust, as what you feel or experience, from trustworthiness, which is earning or meriting trust from others.

Being trustworthy is (or at least could be) valuable without being an emotion or feeling.

 

[HIPPYOWL]

Hey OP, I've been following and studying my personality since late last year. Very much appreciate this it helped me understand myself on many different levels as well as other people around me.

I'm an INFP.. I've have always been a depressing miserable person. I'm like holy F*ck there's actually more people out there like me lol how insane.

 

[eliquid]

Wondering how those that took part in this exercise early on ( 2017 and 2018 ) are doing now and if has helped in them some way.

Please let me know.

 

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[splok]

INTPs and INTJs might only be 3-5% of my audience

That sounds right for the general population, but it might be very underestimated, at least from your products that I'm familiar with. It's a pretty old thread, but I'm sure you've seen this one:

You are being redirected...

50+% INT, and 75+% NT (Seems like I've seen a similar poll here, but a quick search didn't turn up the one I remembered.)

Hugely over-represented compared to the normal population, but then, INTJ's love forums and love optimizing, so it makes sense that they would be drawn to internet marketing. Of course, if your market was something like nurses, it would probably be the exact opposite.

 

[WarWizard]

Thinking about it, it is quite possible that MJ is an INTP as well (once again, I don't know him personally, but based on the way he's written his 2 books and his answers to questions on this forum)

 

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[Deleted69818]

Here's something surprising.

Can you grow out of your personality type? Can it change over time?

Maybe I mislabeled myself from the beginning?

IDK.

But I was poking around the other day since I mentioned in my last post above that I fell into a downward funk some ( end of June ).

I was going over the whole INTJ - T that I am, and 5w4 Ennegram.. and my core values and mission statement... and I came across something called the Keirsey Temperament Sorter.

If you scroll down 50% of the page, there is a box that labels the INTJ as "Mastermind (INTJ): Entailing"

I read that over and felt this person labeled the INTJ wrong. It just didn't fit me. Something was off. But all of the other research I have done before had strongly put me in that.

So I looked at the other introvert label in that category ( INTP ) and read it and to my surprise I felt myself more aligned with INTP. Thinking maybe the data could still be off, I went back through MBTI and read about INTP and did some research and felt that I could just be INTP instead of INTJ.

This is where the Enneagram really came in and helped me.

A lot of 5w6 tend to be INTJs, while lots of 5w4's then to be INTPs. Sure there can be times where one is the other, but Im leaning towards INTP more and more.

This is why I stress on looking into multiple areas/tests when doing this exercise, and doing this multiple times too to weed out emotion and other things that may impact.

For several years one test really pegged me as a INTJ ( MBTI ), another had me at the crossroads of potentially being a INTJ or INTP ( Enneagram ). A 3rd didn't label me, but lead me to rethink I might be the INTP.

It wasn't until I went back and reread the other types by hand ( meaning, not taking a test but doing it backwards and reading the types first ) that I am starting to see that I might have had this wrong ( or grew out of it ).

Does it change anything, really?

No.

INTJ and INTP are so closely matched in many areas, values, actions, etc that NO nothing is really going to change for me.

My core values, mission statement, priorities, actions, etc are not changing or getting updated.

But it interesting to see how this played out and how I came to a new finding.

If I can get this slightly wrong after years and many times doing it, I can't imagine someone that takes it lightly or as a joke and does it 1 time half assed.

Only 1 letter off, but things make a lot more sense now then they did before. I was 95% there.. now I feel I got it pegged 100%.

What's funny is, my new mission statement/core values ( June 11th above ) had the hint there all along BEFORE I realized I should have been an INTP.

Here is what they are:

To:

1. Solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship
2. Share my full knowledge, wisdom and insight with those that deserve it
3. Live a full and stable life with complete and utter autonomy

#2 had a big secret in it. The "those who deserve it" part.

I'm not going to reveal it all out, but this digs into a huge part of the INTP actually.

It was sitting there in my mission statement/core values all along this year before I realized I was more INTP than INTJ.

Odd how things work out, right?

.

first, I do admire your intelligence to set your 3 goals. I like all of them.
second, I personally don' think if there be any test which could determine one's type completely. because all of them are relative and not absolute. I had this issue several times and I don't thinl anyone be able to imagine him/herself completely in such frameworks.

 

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[azt3k]

Hey @eliquid,

Just wanted to check-in and give my preliminary bout of thanks to you and to this thread. There is so much I want to write about regarding my experiences with all of this so far --learning that I'm an INFP, a Type 4w3, and in general just more about what is meaningful to me (core values) -- that I'm practically breathless. I'll give a more fleshed-out "progress" post soon, but for now, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Also, I'm currently reading through The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey again, specifically through his discussion on the "principle center" and on the significance of a personal missions statement -- much like what you've discussed -- and decided to recommend this book to you if you haven't already read it, and to everyone else whose been referencing this thread along their journeys. The chapter "Habit 2: Being with the End in Mind" is quite germane to this thread.

-TR

 

[21elnegocio]

I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.

However, I'm going for my 3rd Gold on purpose with this thread.

Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.

My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.

And yes, I posted this on another forum first. Why? I didn't know how some of you would take it. So I decided to post it elsewhere, get feedback, and refine it for here. Kinda like how Seinfeld and other comics try out their new jokes on smaller venues before doing them in front of larger crowds.

I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....

Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.

In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.

These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.

But see, life is funny in that way.You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.

In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It was one of many and it was not my last. However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.

So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.

I didn't post this background information elsewhere. I wanted you all to know the background so you could see where I was coming from and why I posted it. The story jumps to the present day now below:

The Post

Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.

But the big question is, what is it I want?

And what do I do when my want's change?

It's been proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

In 2015, my core values were:

• Individuality
• Freedom
• Trust
• Simplicity
• Activeness

These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:

• Simplicity
• Creativity
• Entrepreneurship
• Stability
• Autonomy

Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...

It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.

So why is this important?

As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.

Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.

If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.

For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:

"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.

An example of this might be:

• Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
  • I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
• Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
  • It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
• Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
  • It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
  • However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.

A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.

You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.

But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.

So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).

Get the picture?

Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.

Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.

BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.

One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.

My priorities for 2015 where these:

• Family
• Charity & Faith
• Building Net Worth

I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.

Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.

For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.

I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.

And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.

This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.

You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.

Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.

Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.

Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:

• Simple - It's not hard to write content
• Creative - I can write about any topic. And when I pick one, any idea in that topic. All with a touch of flair
• Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
• Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
• Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects

So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.

Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.

It's not hard to prove either.

Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.

You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?


Do yourself a favor....

1. Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
2. Make a mission statement around them
3. Figure out your top 3 priorities
4. Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
5. Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
6. In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.

I have definitely dont this in the past due to the same reason as you feeling depressed because I didnt know what were my new core values. Thanks for the post great read

 

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[Vixen]

My birthday came and went last month and I have been looking over my yearly values, mission statement, priorties, etc.

Decided to keep things as they are for this year with no change from last year.

Have a found the sweet spot? Only time will tell.

.

Happy belated birthday eliquid!

I found this thread very interesting.

I myself am an INTJ-A. One point of the A I do not completely fit, is that they are reluctant to change or improve themselves. And the main reason I dont fit it is because, when I started looking into myself many years ago, I used these tests not to label myself but to find out what my core points were. What are my strengths and weakness? I used these points to see if they are true, especially looking into my weaknesses. I then identified areas I wanted to change, turning weaknesses in strengths.

One of those points are that I am a loner, I rely on myself - Not socializing meant I had very few friends. At first I thought there is something wrong with me, cause no matter how much I try, I simply find it difficult to sit on chat groups etc, where I could use that time to be productive. I then realized, having a hand full of real friends are way better than being able to say: 'I have hundred's of "friends" out there.' Because to me real true connection and trust is way more important, than being a social butterfly.

I then looked at points I felt I wanted to change, and starting working on those points. Not taking into account what the world expect of me, but what I wanted and what I felt fits my standards and morals.

Now, 9 years later I am still making changes, but I have a clear vision of who I am and what I want in life. Self reflection has become part of my life, not something I have to set a reminder for.

 

[Ing]

Jason, thanks for writing that years ago.
It will take a time to work out, who I am in that scheme and this time.

I did that test two times now and didnt get similar results.
First was INFP, than ENTJ.
Its very hard for me to answer some questions. As Ioften don’t know, wheather my present me and me gone me answers the same way.
I often don’t even know, wheather I know, what the answer is.

So I will make the test as often as you recommend it and I hope, not to get more than 16 different results!

You are young. In your age I slowly found, who I am and that I m the only one I owe accountability .

I hope your way will show me some new views.

 

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[stjohanne]

this is exactly what i needed, ironically my first post on this forum was about how I felt like I was not where I want to be in life. I recently started having these drastic thoughts of starting fresh and leaving everything behind; dropping school, quitting work, and drive to a new city that is 3,000 miles. But after reading this I plan on reflecting on who I am, what's most important to me, and what I currently want to do with myself.

 

[srodrigo]

I know why I have 1000 ideas a day, but hardly any execution on those new ideas ( and instead why I execute on my main focus only ). Now I can rework how to overcome this.

How did you overcome this in your case?

 

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[Ing]

Amazing. When I allow myself to take answers, which I normaly cant allow due to my moral standarts but want in that moment, the results don’t change signif.
Maybe an E instead an I, but the main things stay.

 

[eliquid]

I love this whole thread! Thank, Thank you @eliquid for starting it and sharing everything, experiences and framework!

Last year I have defined my core values and mission statement ánd I completely agree it's a hard work! In order to get to the core (as close a possible) I did a lot of therapy, discovery of selt-limiting believes, family constellations, coaching, Ayahuasca and meditations in order to develop a better "observer of myself" and with each step I came closer! Unfortunatelly I got lost on the way to do more work here due to unexpected events in the last 8 months AND reading your posts just inspired me and motivated me like crazy to continue, continue, continue to get more clarity of who I really am and want to be and which career and business to pursue in the next 1, 5, 10 years!!!

I really like your link between the MBTI, Enneagram and Strengthfinder. I did all of them, but I need to to them more often now to get more statistical significance. Thank you for this advice.
And then your idea evaluation framework from above. It's GOLD! Something I was always looking for to establish for myself to evaluate my ideas.

So my values are:

• Integrity
• Freedom
• Empathy
• Creativity
• Courage
• Wisdom
• Curiosity
• Discipline

I still have to create my own definitions for the values as I borrowed the current ones from here: Alles über Werte (in German only). Especially, how I see the value freedom which leads to CHAOS in an extreme version (like it has happened in some areas of my life). Maybe it also goes into the direction of Autonomy.

My Mission Statement so far:
To bravely walk on unkown paths in my own way and to inspire and to creatively teach others to do the same.

MBTI (Based on one test only)
Year 2015: ENTJ-A (Before Self-Dev. Journey)
Year 2018: ENFP-A
August 2020: INFJ-A

The interesting part is here, that in February 2019, after I did the 10days-Vipassana Meditation retreat which I hugly recommend, I become more introverted. From 36% (2018) to 51% (2020). The test "Locus of Control" from the forum also confirmes that.

Enneagram (2019) Type 2 and have to redo the test again.

My goals is to have a business like yours which is also aligned with my values and mission statement, as I believe that's the only way to go to make me happy and motivated doing it longterm.

@eliquid
How do you set your priorities?
And is discipline for you a value or temporal priority?

Cheers and back to work (on myself)
Mateusz

For priorities,
I just simply look at, what's important to me?

Lots of things can come up, but somethings there are just no question on how important they are.

These things aren't negotiable.

That makes up my priorities.

As far as discipline, its a temporal priority for me.

 

[LuckyPup]

Due to the success of another similar thread on this forum, thought I would bump as the holiday season can lead to some being depressed and also lead to some to rethink their year and goals for next year.

Good reminder this time of year - or any. Much appreciated.