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How to learn to give without wanting anything in return?

Discussion in 'General Mindset, Motivation, Beliefs' started by Andy Black, Feb 17, 2018.

  1. Andy Black
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    Andy Black Any colour, as long as it's red. Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    How to learn to give without wanting anything in return?
    (Originally posted here.)

    Someone PM'd me the question above. Here was my reply:


    Baby steps.


    Smile first.

    Say hello first.

    Say thank you.

    Give a Like.

    Send some Rep.


    Strike up a friendly conversation with someone who looks bored or is having a bad day at work.

    Hold a door open for someone.

    Help someone with their shopping.

    Give some money to a homeless person.

    Tip a waiter or waitress bigger than normal.

    Give a hitch-hiker a lift.

    Double back and give a hitch-hiker a lift.

    Drop them further towards their destination than you needed to.



    Make someone smile.

    Have a laugh with someone.

    Put your hand on someone's shoulder and look them in the eye when you say sorry.

    Put your phone down when someone talks to you.



    Start small.

    See the effect your actions have on others.

    Feel those nice feelings within yourself for doing it.

    Create an imbalance in the world.

    If you got something back each time you helped someone, then each transaction would be complete.

    Have faith it will come back to you.



    Like everything, just start.



    It's been said I live in a "sunny little world".

    I didn't realise I did until they'd said it.

    I didn't realise some people lived in dark little worlds.

    My world revolves around making other people's days a bit sunnier.

    I smile first.

    They smile back.

    I live in a world of smiling people.

    That's pretty good for starters eh?
     
  2. Lex DeVille
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    Lex DeVille Sweeping Shadows from Dreams Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Feel like I'm trying to relearn this lately. Maybe it's a use or lose kind of thing. Thanks for sharing.
     
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  3. Chx
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    Chx Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    This is great, thanks @Andy Black .

    Give up your bus seat to the elderly, revel in others' happiness, look up and smile at strangers on a rainy day.

    Showing your appreciation on others' forum posts also works as practice to give selflessly (oh wait ;))
     
  4. ApparentHorizon
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    ApparentHorizon Gold Contributor Speedway Pass

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    There's a poem in there somewhere :D

    A couple of years back I came upon a rough patch in the biz. So to kickstart something...anything. I began offering my services to charities. And it was all out of selfishness to pad my portfolio.

    And it worked, but it had another effect...

    I became addicted. Addicted to seeing people light up and radiate positive energy:

    Or maybe I'm just delusional. What if it's just about power and self validation by having leverage over people? What if it's still the same selfishness from the start?

    Does it even matter?

    When you know you helped keep a family together by helping pay for their newborn's hospital bills?

    When you reinvigorate someone's meaning of life by helping them, help themselves, move around the house?

    Giving without expecting something in return is hard. What if people take advantage of you? What if it doesn't come back? If I want something in return, isn't that the opposite of being selfless?

    Truth is, I don't give with no expectation of something in return.

    I expect a smile :)

    A laugh:rofl:

    A symbiosis of a positive atmosphere.

    I want to raise you up to the next level, so that I have the strength to get to my next level.

    People on this forum get a lot of shit for using "I" too many times. But let's not kid ourselves. I smile because I want you to smile back at me. To create a positive feedback look where our day becomes just slightly better than it was 1 minute ago.

    Even if it's just one person at a time

    :clench:
     
  5. Andy Black
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    Andy Black Any colour, as long as it's red. Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Here’s an event that’s influenced me to this day.

    Back when I was a party animal living it up in London, I remember staggering home from Leicester Square.

    I was heading up Oxford Street, and even in these wee hours in the morning it was pretty busy with other revellers making their way home.

    The guy ahead of me stooped down and, without breaking his stride, shoved a twenty pound note into the outstretched hand of a homeless guy sleeping in a doorway.

    The homeless guy shot awake and jumped to his feet - staring in disbelief at the note in his hand.

    He started shouting "Yes. Yes.", doing small fist pumps to himself as he gathered his belongings to go find some shelter or food somewhere.

    I hadn't even spotted his dark form in the doorway.

    It wouldn't have occurred to me to give him any money, never mind a whole £20 note.

    Wow.

    I looked up to watch the reaction from the Good Samaritan... only to see his back as he continued walking briskly away.

    He didn't even glance over his shoulder.

    He might not have heard the guy shouting "Yes. Yes."



    He hadn't been generous to be a hero to this guy.

    He hadn't performed a good deed to even see the effect it had.

    He did it anonymously, and kept going before the homeless guy even saw him or had a chance to say anything.

    No-one else saw it either. It was done in a split second.

    I only saw it because I was walking directly behind him.

    The guy not stopping is what I remember most.
     
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  6. Ninjakid
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    Ninjakid Platinum Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Overall, it feels really good to make other people happy. You can always be a shining radiating light to others. Thanks for the reminder Andy! :)
     
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  7. RobD88
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    RobD88 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    ApparentHorizon and Andy Black like this.
  8. Danny Sullivan
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    Danny Sullivan Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    @ Andy Black

    i just wanted to throw in a "Thank you". I've read your post some time ago and took notes which are around my desktop, so i can see them all the time.

    Although people say i'm a helpful person, last thursday i had let an opportunity to help someone slip, because it felt very out of my comfort zone - and i felt horrible after. I'm easily overwhelmed if there's too many new people around me, which is why i'm propably helpful if i can sort of "control the situation" (if someone i know is with me, etc.)

    Today i was able to help an elderly man (87) who was stranded with a broken down clutch in the midst of the road. It was shocking to see that no one had helped him yet, since he was able to set up his warning sign and was clearly in dispair and didn't know what to do. His grandson and some of his friends picked him up and managed to get the car towed after 45 minutes.

    I persisted it was a pleasure to help and that i didn't want anything in return which they offered quite often. Beeing able to help him and to overcome my personal comfort zone that screamed (NOOOOO!) all the time was a feel-good experience.

    I don't think i would have stopped if it wasn't for your words.

    So "Thanks" again!
     
  9. Andy Black
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    Andy Black Any colour, as long as it's red. Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Great story. Thanks for sharing.

    I had a similar situation a couple of years ago where some poor old fella was trying to push his car to the side of the road out of harms way.

    Everyone queued up to overtake.

    I pulled over, jumped out and got behind to push.

    I stayed till his grandkids turned up. He wanted to give me flying lessons somewhere in France, because he had a coaching license. Either that or turn up at his son’s garage and get a refill sometime.

    I thanked him and just told him to pass it on. He stopped to look at me, then nodded, smiled and shook my hand.

    It’s not about what you get in return. It’s just about helping someone in need.
     
    TheCj, Intax, MustImprove and 3 others like this.
  10. msufan
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    msufan Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    How did I miss this before. This is epic.
     
    Andy Black likes this.
  11. SoftStone
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    SoftStone Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    I‘ve been creating free content for a couple months now, offering people help where I can.

    It feels great to know that you have helped somebody.

    Most people thanked me, which feels amazing.

    Some want me to create a paid product.

    Others want to donate something.

    Help people for free, knowing that there seems to be some law in the universe which gives it all back to you, whether that‘s in monetary value or personal fulfillment, or, ideally, both.

     
    Danny Sullivan, Roz and Andy Black like this.
  12. Bearcorp
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    Bearcorp Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Some great advice @Andy Black!

    Thought I'd add a small example.

    My warehouse is in a heavy industrial area, by 9am there are no car parks on the road, and trucks, Utes etc are buzzing around all day.

    Whenever I'm in the car running some errands, I'll always be held up by a truck trying to reverse into a tight driveway, cars swapping parks, traffic everywhere.

    Unlike most drivers who are in a hurry and act as though this 1 minute inconvenience has ruined their day, I try to get eye contact, smile and wave, letting them know they can take their time, and I'll drive past when its clear.
    EVERY time I get a smile and a wave back, the driver can negotiate what they're trying to achieve, and everyone wins.

    It happens almost every day, and every time I drive away pleased that I was able to have a good interaction with them, no doubt majority of a truck drivers day is a pain in the a$$ trying to get in and out of small warehouses all day.

    It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. (or however that saying goes!)
     
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  13. Intax
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    Intax Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    I think this post deserves way more recognition. Especially in today's society it's very important to be aware about the importance of giving. If we look in the subway most of the people look miserable, frustrated, stressed and tired. Besides the obvious reasons our cold social interactions are a part of the problem. Almost everybody is occupied with his phone and stays foreclosed in his bubble. We can break through this isolation with small social actions.

    As mentioned before, a smile, a "thank you", holding the door for someone,...
    improves the day of somebody. This small actions are steps into a warmer society and everybody should try to execute it.

    Thanks for the post and reminding me again what's important.
     
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  14. BlackMagician
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    BlackMagician Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    *BUMP* for the societies goodness
     
  15. The Abundant Man
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    The Abundant Man Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Went to an Open Mic event at a local coffee shop. Afterwards, I helped the baristas put the chairs away. They all thought I was weird for doing so. Whatever.

    One time, I spilled some coffee. I cleaned it up. They all thought it was weird that I cleaned up after myself.

    One time I was at an intersection. There was a car next to me. The girl was good looking. So I opened my car window and put my arm out. She opened hers then we high fived. LOL
     
  16. DonTriumph
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    DonTriumph Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Very true.

    One of my big frustrations is driving. Counterflow here, swerve there, cut here and there... plus of course the annoying beeeeeeeepppppppp!!!

    I actually grew frustrated in driving over time because of this. But whenever someone allows me to pass, or gives me the way, I feel good.

    I realize you're either part of the problem or part of the solution. You just have to choose.

    So I learned - though still struggling - to control my emotions, and instead find the best solutions when things go wrong.

    Give the way to someone else, sometimes even when it's your right of way.

    When you almost bump with another car, but nothing happened, try to avoid honking horns. It will only cause trouble anyway.

    If you do bump with another car or person, be calm and be willing to reach a compromise. (I know it's easier to say than do, but it's doable). If you bump into a reckless driver who keeps blaming you for his own fault... and your blood begins to boil... just wait for the police and let them settle, LOL.

    Simply put, in everything, when you become part of the solution, you will help make the world a better place.

    After all, as entrepreneurs we're supposed to provide solutions, right?
     
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  17. WJK
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    WJK Gold Contributor Speedway Pass

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    I try to leave every place I go better than when I got there. That includes making someone smile.

    My daily accomplishments are many times small. Here's an example. One of my tenants came in to tell me what happened during an appointment I made for her. She's going to get started on getting her GED, and the meeting went well. She's going to meet with her new tutor around the corner from us at a church on Thursdays. She's 45 years old and currently reads on a 3rd-grade level. She's mentally slow, but not stupid. She came from an abused background and really never got the chance to learn. She is so excited. All I did was make the phone call for her appointment. It took me less than 10 minutes to make the call and it didn't cost me a dime.
     
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  18. Andy Black
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    Andy Black Any colour, as long as it's red. Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    Tip about driving (applies to everything though):

    Judge the sin not the sinner.


    “I hate people who cut me up.”

    vs

    “I hate it when people cut me up.”


    PS: I try not to use the word “hate”.
     
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  19. WJK
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    WJK Gold Contributor Speedway Pass

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    What Andy Black is talking about, is the sense of grace that comes with wide-ranging experience and true success. It's getting way past the ego-based "me" part of the journey. It's an eventual result that is unseen and unexpected at the starting gate.
     
    Intax and Andy Black like this.

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