How to Get Rid of Negative Friends

[Andy Black]

Huh? What negative people?

It's kind of like "burning the boats". Why would I stop to burn the boats? I'm busy moving forward.

I don't need to kick negative people out. I'm moving forwards. Negative people get left behind. I'll automatically be surrounded by whoever is also moving forward.



Just my 2c.

 

[Almantas]

Hi guys, just a quick suggestion on how to get rid of negative friends. While most people say it takes effort to get rid of negative friends, I respectfully disagree. The most easiest way to get rid of negative friends is to concentrate on your business and self-development and they will get rid of themselves. How so? It's pretty simple actually: negative people look for approval and attention, once you direct your attention towards positive activities they will no longer have interest in you. The situation becomes similar to an actor giving a performance (negative people), while an audience (you) is being absorbed by different activities - it will piss an actor off and the performance will soon end.

This is just my personal observation and suggestion. I would be lying to myself if I said I don't want to convince you to get rid of negative people. I really do hope you get rid of them sooner rather than later. Life is a beauty and there's no space for negative freaks crawling around every corner. Kick them out now, folks - by concentrating on your business and self-development.

 

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[Kak]

Hi guys, just a quick suggestion on how to get rid of negative friends. While most people say it takes effort to get rid of negative friends, I respectfully disagree. The most easiest way to get rid of negative friends is to concentrate on your business and self-development and they will get rid of themselves. How so? It's pretty simple actually: negative people look for approval and attention, once you direct your attention towards positive activities they will no longer have interest in you. The situation becomes similar to an actor giving a performance (negative people), while an audience (you) is being absorbed by different activities - it will piss an actor off and the performance will soon end.

This is just my personal observation and suggestion. I would be lying to myself if I said I don't want to convince you to get rid of negative people. I really do hope you get rid of them sooner rather than later. Life is a beauty and there's no space for negative freaks crawling around every corner. Kick them out now, folks - by concentrating on your business and self-development.

Once the respect for a person is gone the friendship isn't there anyway. It is just an annoyance.

I don't have all the money in the world... But when people insinuate that I am trying to be better than them just because I own a few businesses, I am looking at a car with a luxury brand name and I paid cash for X or Y and im automatically an a**hole... They made the uncalled for insuation correct. I am better than them.

I flat out cant respect a person who judges me based on my career choice and ability to afford what I buy and to make smart choices. It is jealously pure and simple because money only makes people pricks if it isn't their money.

And before you go and say... just dont tell them... When someone asks me what kind of mortgage rate I got I'm not going to lie to them. If it bothers them that I don't have one they can bite me. If it bothers them that I dont have a 900 dollar car payment they can bite me.

 

[Kak]

I'm beginning to see why rich people prefer the company of other rich people. I can't blame them.

Good thread OP. Rep+.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Hey, the team needs money or new jerseys, MJ can surely cover it. It's no big deal to his wallet."

No, not that obvious.

What was it? Jealousy?

Hmmm... if everyone on your team is invited to off-schedule events (party, social gathering, wedding, etc) and everyone is invited but you, I'm not sure that's jealously, but more like "thanks but no thanks; you aren't one of us." And in reality that's true -- I can't sit at a table and discuss the awesomeness of being a 35 year old college student while aspiring for a 60 hour a week job at $50K/year. I have nothing to add to that conversation but silence and a smile of support.

 

[Shades]

There have been two best friends I had since childhood that I just straight out told them I didnt want to talk to them anymore. Sometimes people just grow apart. People get into different things that you dont want to be in. Different outlooks, different goals etc...

Life can have a way of sucking whats good out of someone if they let it. Most people are not where they want to be. But most people don't think they have control over their own life. The hopeless desperation of seeing yourself slogging through the next 30+ years of your life stuck in the same place can really change you for the worst.

 

[TonyStark]

"I got enemies, got a lotta enemies,
Got a lotta people tryna drain me of this energy."

 

[SteveO]

I have a few friends that people would consider rich. I also have a number of friends that worked up through the slowlane ranks. Don't see a big difference.

I have friends from this forum but most people I know from sports such as running, softball, and golf. Those are the people that I spend the most time with.

For some reason the socio-economics don't come into play too often. Perhaps with a tournament that is out of state or something people may get weeded out from the costs. The negative people tend to work themselves out of a team simply by people not liking them.

I ran with a guy for months that worked part-time for minimum wage and lived with his mom at the age of 50. He spent a number of terms in jail/prison mostly for theft. He had nothing going on in his life that he did not complain about. It never bothered me. My goal was to train and he provided company and entertainment through the miles. His personal life issues did not affect me.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I totally get the lack of relatedness they may have felt but that's still some cold nonsense in my book.

Who knows, for all I know I could have been perceived as one of those "evil rich guys" not paying his "fair share." Whenever I'm in a social situation not business/entrepreneurial related, I tend to keep my mouth shut. Remember, I claim to be an introvert, ha ha.

He was awesome in his own mind.

Not even sure if we're thinking of the same people, but I heard the above multiple times in multiple conversations from multiple folks. And while I might not agree with the college/job life goal, I make it a point to shut-up or be supportive/congratulatory -- if someone is happy about X, then I'm happy for them as well. I don't evangelize business/entrepreneurship/Fastlane at social functions, unless someone asks, or the event itself is a forum event.

 

[Almantas]

Great input, guys. I think we all have different definitions of what 'negative people' mean to us, but we all agree that negative people produce negative effects. As Andy mentioned, be too busy working on yourself to even stop for a minute and contemplate about negative people and their limited world-vision.

Birds of the same feather flock together. Make sure you flock with the right crew.

 

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[Ecom man]

A few months ago I moved across country. We left everyone behind and really haven't looked back. A few weeks ago a couple of friends came to visit us. It was literally the worst week that I have had since moving. They were constantly fighting (husband and wife), constantly mooching (sorry we don't have money but you do so you pay) etc. When they left my wife and I said we were never having them come back. Its amazing what you realize after not being around someone for a few months. Sometimes you can't see the negativity in people or what effect they are having on you until you get away from them for a while.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

thinking they were judging me

As you get older, your worry about what other people think, or how they judge you weakens with time. At some point, you reach a "ZERO f*cks given" level. And then you start catching yourself judging others because they give "many f*cks" about stupid shit, like HBO dramas, pro sports teams, black Friday deals, etc.

 

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[McFirewavesJr]

Hi guys, just a quick suggestion on how to get rid of negative friends. While most people say it takes effort to get rid of negative friends, I respectfully disagree. The most easiest way to get rid of negative friends is to concentrate on your business and self-development and they will get rid of themselves. How so? It's pretty simple actually: negative people look for approval and attention, once you direct your attention towards positive activities they will no longer have interest in you. The situation becomes similar to an actor giving a performance (negative people), while an audience (you) is being absorbed by different activities - it will piss an actor off and the performance will soon end.

This is just my personal observation and suggestion. I would be lying to myself if I said I don't want to convince you to get rid of negative people. I really do hope you get rid of them sooner rather than later. Life is a beauty and there's no space for negative freaks crawling around every corner. Kick them out now, folks - by concentrating on your business and self-development.

This is absolutely accurate. Before I got into self development, I never realized how negative people were

in some cases, I don't doubt it's a case of just doing you; but relationships (any, friends, family, romantic) can be complex things. Sometimes the problem is actualising the negativity in the first place. My partner has a friend who she missed dearly for several years until they started talking again. Fast forward a year, and the only time my partner is depressed, I dig and at the root is this friend. Every single time.. She still sees her as her best friend though and wants her in her life. She feels she needs her in her life.. She ignores her for a bit and concetrates on work and she works her way back in.

The point of my ramblings is that sometimes it can take effort and strength, but most importantly, it takes clarity - which is where the true effort can come in to play.

It is true, but I have to agree with OP. Myvawesome (negative) friends got organically pushed aside when I started focusing on my business. Funny enough, other friends (positive), who I didn't spend as much time with before started to gain importance in my life. And anyways, at some point you cannot not realize that these people are leeches sucking on your hard earned positivity, unless you are clueless about self development...

 

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[TonyStark]

You make them an MLM pitch

 

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[Mattie]

Leads to another question I suppose - Do people here feel that their journey 'looses' them friends? or meerely 'replaces' them? For myself I'd say I've become low on friends, high on acquaintances (both slow and fast lane). Largely in part due to negativity and 'time'. A kind of natural selection in a way..

I think honestly everyone's experience is different. For me I've had to sacrifice many toxic relationships, and don't regret it at all. It was necessary and healthy. While their is a negative side, I'm now the Villain, I understand it's simply because they're not self-actualized, and they're projecting their experience on me.

Really I'm just mirroring what they need to work out in themselves. The roles are just reversed now. It kinds of weird. I used to see them as the villains. I done past them in 2011. Really the more I grow in Entrepreneurship the more i will be difficult to relate to certain people.

I've pretty much figured out, if you pursue Entrepreneurship, you will not be everyone's best friend. I believe jealousy becomes a problem, sabotage, resentment, anger, and bitterness, because you've done something other individuals find hard.

As INFJ I'm very selective who I hang out with to begin with Naturally. I rather be around healthier people, authentic, and genuine. I don't go looking for friends. I allow it to happen Naturally.

 

[ApparentHorizon]

I think I've had 1 actually negative person in my life where they were like a rock. Simply stopped talking to that person and cut off all communication.

The rest fall within a gradient ranging from can't keep up and want to know more.

The ones that couldn't keep up, just continued doing their own thing...tried to invite them to events and other opportunities to grow, but they just didn't have the energy to escape their cycle.

The others that came along, although most of them are pursuing careers working for someone else, are more open to the opportunities that life presents. Freelance gig here and there. Maybe a contract with a company for a few months to a few years.

It's not always about pushing out negative people.

Sometimes you have to open their eyes to the rest of the world.

For example, one of your friends is really great with databases and loves doing it as a hobby or as a small portion of his duties on the job. However, he's stuck in a 9-5 making below average money managing a company's intranet. He tells you, "man, you have it lucky you get to do what you want all day."

What's the first though in your mind:
a) "It's not luck a**hole, I worked my a$$ off!"
b) "You can do this as well. Have you tried reaching out to a few businesses who many need a DB tech once or twice a month?"

 

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[JAJT]

Hmmm... if everyone on your team is invited to off-schedule events (party, social gathering, wedding, etc) and everyone is invited but you, I'm not sure that's jealously, but more like "thanks but no thanks; you aren't one of us."

Wow, what a dick move.

I'd feel pretty personally hurt if that happened to me.

I totally get the lack of relatedness they may have felt but that's still some cold nonsense in my book.

As the typical host in my social circles there are certainly folks I don't enjoy spending time with, at all, but in my mind I either don't invite the "package" (a couple, a family, best friends, whatever...) or I invite them all. Saying "everyone can join except you" is just really childish, immature and needlessly hurtful IMHO.

 

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[NewManRising]

The best thing I have learned though is keep your mouth shut about your life, goals, and plans. I think we like to discuss it with those we are close to thinking they will be excited, happy, and enthusiastic as much as us. But the truth is, they are not. In fact, you will learn that they will sabotage you any way they can because they do not want you to be better than them. Remember, they live the scripted life and have the rat race mentality. Ever little perceived inch forward someone makes in life they take it as a challenge. I have found that things work better for me when I am silent and do everything in secret.

 

[Almantas]

Is it safe to say friends who share different values and goals are negative friends? Not in the sense that they are negative people, but negative energy towards your goals. For example, friends who like to work overtime and party on the weekends.

IMO we all have different definitions of what negative friends mean to us. My understanding is that any 'friend' who posses a negative mindset is a toxic and must be avoided, just my 2c.

 

[Puppy]

for me getting rid of my negative 'friends' was easy, i simply stopped talking to them. in fact, it was too easy. when i stopped being there i saw that they had never been there for me in the first place. and man, did that ever hurt.

these were people i cared about, had been there for, made time for, and when the truth came out, i was no one to them. i probably should be angry about it but even now it just makes me sad. but it also opened my eyes. i was surrounded by drug addicts and users, alcoholics, abusive people and people in abusive relationships, USERS, criminals, thieves, con artists, liers, cheaters. i was doing my best to make it in the slowlane because that was the only way for people like us to 'make it'. yet what was around me wasnt even sidewalk, it was the gutter.

it was a soul crushing experience for 4 years as i tried to get out and hold on at the same time. these were my friends, i didnt want to lose them. i could deal with the bullshit i thought, financially i was doing ok and moving ahead. my greatest fear was being alone and having no friends. how horrible that sounds to say now.

now its family. thats even worse. how do you get rid of negative family? how do you walk away from family? thats what i have been struggling with for the last few months. in a week i will be completely moved. no one knows where exactly im going. a few know what city ill be in. some dont even know im moving. i have refused to tell where in the city im moving to. im doing all i can to keep my address unknown. i will be changing my number. i know i will not be taking part in any future family fuctions. i know i will be branded as a pos by my siblings. i know my mother will not understand and will worry and be hurt. i dont know what to tell her.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

There's an old saying if you want your shitty friends to disappear, just lend them money.

For some reason the socio-economics don't come into play too often.

Perhaps because you don't inadvertently show any socio-economics other than what's considered normal.

I'd suspect that if you showed up to all your softball games in a Rolls Royce and invited all your friends to your 10,000 square foot estate nestled on a cliff in Estancia, you'd see a change.

 

[safff]

Hi guys, just a quick suggestion on how to get rid of negative friends. While most people say it takes effort to get rid of negative friends, I respectfully disagree. The most easiest way to get rid of negative friends is to concentrate on your business and self-development and they will get rid of themselves. How so? It's pretty simple actually: negative people look for approval and attention, once you direct your attention towards positive activities they will no longer have interest in you. The situation becomes similar to an actor giving a performance (negative people), while an audience (you) is being absorbed by different activities - it will piss an actor off and the performance will soon end.

This is just my personal observation and suggestion. I would be lying to myself if I said I don't want to convince you to get rid of negative people. I really do hope you get rid of them sooner rather than later. Life is a beauty and there's no space for negative freaks crawling around every corner. Kick them out now, folks - by concentrating on your business and self-development.

in some cases, I don't doubt it's a case of just doing you; but relationships (any, friends, family, romantic) can be complex things. Sometimes the problem is actualising the negativity in the first place. My partner has a friend who she missed dearly for several years until they started talking again. Fast forward a year, and the only time my partner is depressed, I dig and at the root is this friend. Every single time.. She still sees her as her best friend though and wants her in her life. She feels she needs her in her life.. She ignores her for a bit and concetrates on work and she works her way back in.

The point of my ramblings is that sometimes it can take effort and strength, but most importantly, it takes clarity - which is where the true effort can come in to play.

 

[Mattie]

How to get rid of negative friends? I suppose in my circumstances it's very true, the more I focused on growth and development they kind of fall away naturally. Otherwise they get tired of hearing you talk about your projects. Entrepreneurship appears boring to them. All work and no play.

 

[Crossroads]

Hi guys, just a quick suggestion on how to get rid of negative friends. While most people say it takes effort to get rid of negative friends, I respectfully disagree. The most easiest way to get rid of negative friends is to concentrate on your business and self-development and they will get rid of themselves. How so? It's pretty simple actually: negative people look for approval and attention, once you direct your attention towards positive activities they will no longer have interest in you. The situation becomes similar to an actor giving a performance (negative people), while an audience (you) is being absorbed by different activities - it will piss an actor off and the performance will soon end.

This is just my personal observation and suggestion. I would be lying to myself if I said I don't want to convince you to get rid of negative people. I really do hope you get rid of them sooner rather than later. Life is a beauty and there's no space for negative freaks crawling around every corner. Kick them out now, folks - by concentrating on your business and self-development.

I've walked away from a few friends (and family members) over the years. They didn't get that I don't want to be part of the status quo, and they kept trying to plan my time off work for me. Shopping, eating out, concerts, etc. I could be in the middle of a major project, explain that to them, and still they'd decide that I needed a break; I must have fun their way, yada yada. I *was* having fun working on what I wanted to be working on. They never wanted to know about my projects. So, yeah, they had to go. It's all good.

 

[Almantas]

my best man:
when i started my ventures 3 and a half years ago, i was speaking all the time to my best man about it. i was trying to make him join me. i even said to him come with me. i put the money. you put half the work in order to help him out (very bad economic condition) and share the profits.
he listened to me and did nothing. we will see it in a week.... not now i am going to my job... etc all excuses.
and the most weird of all. "you are not going to suceed. this is for people with money".
then it hit me.
he is a negative person. he does not like to go out of his comfort zone (beeing an employee).
now i stopped tellling him about that. we scarcely go out and then all we talk about is weather and football.

two weeks ago i found an opportunity for him. through my networking with an agency i managed to find him a job as a guard to one of its facilities.
300 euro a month raise from what he makes today.that is 33,3% raise. i told him about it. he said to me we will discuss about it on monday....
two weeks after that i was waiting for him to call. no call until now.not even to drink a coffee.

my most recent example of negativity.
he exits my life as i develop

The sooner you realize that the more time you'll have for better things. Right people will come into your life, just keep hustling and improving.

 

[SteveO]

No, not that obvious.



Hmmm... if everyone on your team is invited to off-schedule events (party, social gathering, wedding, etc) and everyone is invited but you, I'm not sure that's jealously, but more like "thanks but no thanks; you aren't one of us." And in reality that's true -- I can't sit at a table and discuss the awesomeness of being a 35 year old college student while aspiring for a 60 hour a week job at $50K/year. I have nothing to add to that conversation but silence and a smile of support.

He was awesome in his own mind.

 

[Kak]

I can't sit at a table and discuss the awesomeness of being a 35 year old college student while aspiring for a 60 hour a week job at $50K/year. I have nothing to add to that conversation but silence and a smile of support.

This is so unbelievably true. Great post.

 

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[safff]

This is absolutely accurate. Before I got into self development, I never realized how negative people were


It is true, but I have to agree with OP. Myvawesome (negative) friends got organically pushed aside when I started focusing on my business. Funny enough, other friends (positive), who I didn't spend as much time with before started to gain importance in my life. And anyways, at some point you cannot not realize that these people are leeches sucking on your hard earned positivity, unless you are clueless about self development...

That's extremely accurate and I don't disagree at all -

I more meant that in the beginning, slow or fastlane, the effort that most people claim it takes to break free from these people actually emanates from failing to realise that people are leaches in the first instance as opposed to it being difficult to move on. Like you say, people will often keep the wrong people close, for not actually realising how negative they actually are. Difference with entrepreneurs is that they have that draw of success to make them come to the realisation much quicker and it becomes a conduit to separate you from negativity.

The most hardy plant will struggle to flourish until you remove the weeds that are suffocating it for nourishment.

 

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[safff]

How to get rid of negative friends? I suppose in my circumstances it's very true, the more I focused on growth and development they kind of fall away naturally. Otherwise they get tired of hearing you talk about your projects. Entrepreneurship appears boring to them. All work and no play.

Leads to another question I suppose - Do people here feel that their journey 'looses' them friends? or meerely 'replaces' them? For myself I'd say I've become low on friends, high on acquaintances (both slow and fast lane). Largely in part due to negativity and 'time'. A kind of natural selection in a way..

 

[kkompoti]

my best man:
when i started my ventures 3 and a half years ago, i was speaking all the time to my best man about it. i was trying to make him join me. i even said to him come with me. i put the money. you put half the work in order to help him out (very bad economic condition) and share the profits.
he listened to me and did nothing. we will see it in a week.... not now i am going to my job... etc all excuses.
and the most weird of all. "you are not going to suceed. this is for people with money".
then it hit me.
he is a negative person. he does not like to go out of his comfort zone (beeing an employee).
now i stopped tellling him about that. we scarcely go out and then all we talk about is weather and football.

two weeks ago i found an opportunity for him. through my networking with an agency i managed to find him a job as a guard to one of its facilities.
300 euro a month raise from what he makes today.that is 33,3% raise. i told him about it. he said to me we will discuss about it on monday....
two weeks after that i was waiting for him to call. no call until now.not even to drink a coffee.

my most recent example of negativity.
he exits my life as i develop

 

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