• The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success
  1. Join 40,000+ entrepreneurs
    who are kicking butt and
    winning their dream life.

    Unscripted™ Entrepreneurship:
    A Business That Pays More Than Money, It Pays Time.

    "Fastlane" is an entrepreneur discussion forum based on The Unscripted Entrepreneurial Framework (TUNEF) outlined in the two best-selling books by MJ DeMarco (The Millionaire Fastlane and UNSCRIPTED™). From multimillionaires to digital nomads, the forum features real entrepreneurs creating real businesses.

    Download (Unscripted) Download (Millionaire Fastlane)  Register
    Registering for the forum removes this block!

How do you stop hating yourself?

Discussion in 'General Mindset, Motivation, Beliefs' started by 404profound, Oct 8, 2018.

  1. YoungPadawan
    Online

    YoungPadawan Miles to go before I sleep Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    235
    Likes Received:
    544
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $912
    Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.

    All of these "failures" in your life teach you lessons that you would've never learned if you had never tried.

    Keep going. Keep stepping up to the plate. All it takes is one success.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2018
    404profound likes this.
  2. The Abundant Man
    Offline

    The Abundant Man Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    535
    Likes Received:
    589
    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2018
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $2,917
    By start loving yourself
     
  3. jasoncuellar123
    Offline

    jasoncuellar123 I’m probably awake. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    1,763
    Likes Received:
    3,144
    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    Rep Bank:
    $12,987
    Working on your strengths
     
  4. Raoul Duke
    Offline

    Raoul Duke viene el cucuy Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    3,689
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2016
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $2,876
    ....
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2018 at 4:23 PM
  5. Ninjakid
    Offline

    Ninjakid Platinum Contributor Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    1,500
    Likes Received:
    2,907
    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2014
    Location:
    Whatever my IP tells you
    Rep Bank:
    $9,221
    On one hand, you're probably too hard on yourself. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. You've probably had several small successes along the way.

    On the other hand, maybe you know you're not doing everything in your power to change your situation, and that realization is eating you.

    Forgive yourself, and double down on your grind.

    And a little positive affirmations to start your day never hurt anyone.
     
    Storm24, ChrisR, TheCj and 1 other person like this.
  6. Roz
    Offline

    Roz Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    48
    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2018
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Up in the Air
    Rep Bank:
    $220
    Are you hating yourself because you failed multiple times before?

    Come on, Man. You know that's not the end.

    Failure hurts and it hurts deep sometimes. But it also gives you the opportunity to examine what you did and what can be changed.

    Next time when you fail, analyze the situation, adjust the course and move forward.

    If you are stuck, come to the forum and post about it. Entrepreneurs who were in your place once and who are at the same level as you are now, will gonna help you out.

    Like motivation, your self-esteem and confidence will increase when you take some action. Not the other way around.

    Everything starts with the self.
     
    404profound likes this.
  7. Real Deal Denver
    Offline

    Real Deal Denver Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    496
    Likes Received:
    1,092
    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2018
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Denver, Colorado
    Rep Bank:
    $6,970
    ^^^ THIS is so powerful. I bet nobody even stopped to ponder it. I will put it into an example, and you can see how truly great it is, and how you can use it as a tool to overcome anything. Trust me - I know this - I've been there many times, and this is a great technique. It goes something like this:

    You're a loser. No matter how hard you try, you always fail. You're wasting time and you're going nowhere. You've screwed up so much of your life.

    Okay. Now let's take these little bastards on, one by one. First of all, you can ignore me completely. That's easy, because you know I don't know anything about you. That makes me an idiot, right? Okay... So if I say those things, and I'm an idiot, well - YOU'RE an idiot too. REDIRECT those thoughts. You can't stop them, but you can push them aside. You can CHOOSE to not pay them any attention.

    That's how it works. And it does work.

    EVERYONE has the proverbial angel and devil sitting on their shoulders whispering into their ears. Which one has more control over you? That's simple; the one you listen to. Once you are AWARE of this, you can deal with it head on.

    Can you handle the truth? I don't think you can handle the truth!

    can't handle truth.gif

    But here it is anyway.

    You're young. Smart. Healthy. Living in the golden age of technology. Living in the best country that has ever existed in the entire history of mankind. You know there is more to life than what you have now. And you have what you need most - time and a plan.

    So tell me why you can't do it one more time. You have reasons. We all do. But I'm going to blow your reasons up right before your eyes. Right now. I'm going to take your reasons away from you and leave them crawling on the ground in front of you - no longer able to survive without you feeding them any longer. They will whither and die. Here's how.

    Google Nick Vujicic. He has no right arm. No left arm either. And no legs. He had a promising career as a second base. Not a second base man - but the second base itself! Seriously - watch some of his videos and your self doubts will melt away. When you see what Nick has done, and how he lives his life, you will never think or act the same way ever again. I promise you that!
     
  8. Dmoneyzzz
    Offline

    Dmoneyzzz New Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    3
    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2018
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $17
    Love yourself for everything you have done and accomplished in this world. You have serious potential and this is a great place to gather ideas and a plan of action.

    Once you know what you want to try, you have to commit and stay consistent. Journal about how you feel and what would make you feel the feeling you desire.

    Then plan on what are the critical actions you need to take to accomplish the feeling you desire & schedule them. You are on your path now, take some action today!
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2018 at 7:15 PM
  9. Suzanne Bazemore
    Offline

    Suzanne Bazemore Act until echo. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    33
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2018
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    Rep Bank:
    $121
    Have you ever listened to this commencement speech by Steve Jobs? He talks about connecting the dots in your life.

    How to live before you die

    Also, there is another TED talk about Know Your Why (but there are a bunch of them, so I'd have to dig for the one I'm thinking of - let me know if you are interested.)

    Just don't give up. Keep trying. Everyone falls on their face, until they don't.
     
    Real Deal Denver likes this.
  10. Suzanne Bazemore
    Offline

    Suzanne Bazemore Act until echo. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    33
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2018
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    Rep Bank:
    $121
    Here's the Know Your Why Ted Talk that I wanted you to see, @404profound. I think knowing your why helps when dealing with the failures.


    View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZe5y2D60YU
     
    Dmoneyzzz likes this.
  11. todonelist
    Offline

    todonelist Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    26
    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2018
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $207
    Do things that make you feel great inside. For me, it's keeping my word to myself. When I say I'm going to do something and don't do it, I feel shame and disappointment in myself. I feel like I'm creating a future I don't want but I get "duped" into listening to the negative thoughts that persuade me to go against my word. For example, you said you've tried writing in your journal(gratitude) before but how many days did you do it? At least 21 days in a row? Consistency is key with all things. The best book on Gratitude is The Magic by Rhonda Byrne. People give her and The Secret brand a lot of flack but The Magic has incredible content on the subject of gratitude and how to use it to improve your mood AND real-world results.
     
    TinyOldLady and Real Deal Denver like this.
  12. Kid
    Online

    Kid Bronze Contributor Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    134
    Likes Received:
    134
    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2016
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $768
    Start hating someone else.
     
    lowtek likes this.
  13. TinyOldLady
    Online

    TinyOldLady Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    186
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2017
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Germany
    Rep Bank:
    $279
    Jogging! I'm so proud of myself after I was jogging for half an hour (no matter how many km), that I am not able to hate myself for the rest of the day (and the next day) ;)

    Or you can try another good habit (start small) and do it every day. This way your brain will see, that you can rely on yourself. How could you hate somebody, who you can rely on? :)
     
  14. luniac
    Offline

    luniac Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    1,780
    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2012
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    brooklyn
    Rep Bank:
    $10,218
    in "the inner game of tennis" the author argues against positive thinking because it basically gives power to negative thinking.

    to summarize the story in the book:
    the author tennis instructor was with a group of students, he only told to them hit the ball across the net while paying attention to footwork and then just watched silently.
    After most of the students did the drill, not one ball hit the net and he commented about that with a positive tone, and right then and there he ruined the magic.

    The next student up instead of focusing on the instruction was now distracted by the expectation of hitting the ball over the net. That student and the rest were now occasionally hitting the net with the ball.

    The positive comment actually caused insecurity and negative thoughts.

    to quote the book directly
    "Ending judgment means you neither add nor subtract from the facts before your eyes."

    so just do what u gotta do and dont concern urself with explicitly loving or hating yourself. just be you.

    easier said than done i know, good luck :)
     
  15. Chris25
    Offline

    Chris25 Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2018
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Europe
    Rep Bank:
    $292
    How you think about yourself is how you feel. If you're tired of feeling like this, create a new you!

    Ask yourself these questions:
    • How do I want to feel every day?
    • What am I working towards?
    • What do I want to have?
    • What do I give to the world?
    Sit back, close your eyes and concentrate. Think about and imagine each one of these topics (4x 10 minutes). Really try to get in tune with the feeling of the goal. Example: I am an accomplished and happy person. I am creating.... I have the freedom to...... I give people......

    Write this down. Look at that list every day and try to recall the feeling and vision you set for yourself. Remember what you're working towards, then go and do the work until it all becomes a reality.
     
    Mattie and Suzanne Bazemore like this.
  16. MetalGear
    Offline

    MetalGear Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    283
    Likes Received:
    691
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City
    Rep Bank:
    $4,006
     
    Longinus likes this.
  17. Mainstream7
    Offline

    Mainstream7 Beauty is Truth FASTLANE INSIDER

    Messages:
    259
    Likes Received:
    250
    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $955
    What one thing could you do to regain self-esteem?
    What one thing could you do to make it easier or unnecessary?

    My answer would be:
    Change my beliefs or do something small that makes me regain self-esteem
     
  18. Rodrickee
    Offline

    Rodrickee New Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    10
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Brazil
    Rep Bank:
    $102
    Dude, you've put what I felt reading this thread into words better than what I could've done, props!
    (sorry for any bad english, not my main idiom)
     
  19. LightHouse
    Offline

    LightHouse Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

    Messages:
    3,922
    Likes Received:
    5,054
    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2007
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern VA
    Rep Bank:
    $27,290
    There is a lot of great anecdotal advice here, but I have more questions... if you are still participating in this thread that is....

    You said you are hating yourself for still being a slave. Why is that? What is wrong with working for someone else? You know, when you have a successful business, you will have to answer to far more people and have far more responsibility to yourself and others than you do right now with a boss right?

    So in knowing that, because I am certain you already did since you sound like someone who is going to achieve a lot of success. What is it making you hate providing value to a company and getting paid? What could change that? (is it possible you have a certain expectation of yourself or maybe someone else like your parents have an expectation of you, that you are not meeting?)

    Also, who is it that you see yourself as? If you are not there already, are you on the path to becoming that person?
     
  20. 404profound
    Offline

    404profound Gold Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    659
    Likes Received:
    1,401
    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Desert of Desertion
    Rep Bank:
    $1,618
    Thank you for asking me these great questions. They have stopped me dead in my tracks. I will reply again soon once I have taken time to reflect on this.
     
    ChrisR likes this.
  21. 404profound
    Offline

    404profound Gold Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    659
    Likes Received:
    1,401
    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Desert of Desertion
    Rep Bank:
    $1,618
    So to answer these in order...

    1) Why am I hating myself for still being a slave?

    Because I am being instructed on how to deliver value. My company is very old school, uses ineffective tech, and is inflexible in considering others' ideas for improvement. They hired me specifically as a business process analyst, yet when I lay down my recommendations they are met only with objection and claims that the efforts to change are too steep. It nullifies my motivation to try.

    2) What is wrong with working for someone else?

    Basically, no ability to scale income. I may train myself to be better at what I do, provide more value to internal customers, and so on. But no matter how hard I try and how great the results I create are, my salary lives in a "pay band" that dictates the maximum amount I can make.

    3) Do I know I would have to answer to others beyond just a boss?

    Yes. I do not mind having many accountable parties, as long as expectations are made clear and agreed upon upfront. What I do mind is being accountable to someone who does not value my efforts beyond checking a box.

    4) What is making me hate providing value to a company and getting paid?

    The thing I hate is that I'm not paid for value. I am paid for checking bureaucratic boxes, such as spending X amount of time at my sh*tty desk, making sure I schedule and conduct meetings that only serve as a means to waste peoples' time, making sure I produce documentation of my work - rather than producing the work itself, etc. The company defines value the way most people would define waste and/or suffering. It is being paid to control risk and maintain mediocrity, instead of being paid to take risks and incrementally improve a product or service.

    5) What could change that?

    This is one that really made the gears turn, and I'm still not sure I have a great answer. Since encountering MJ's books I have been singularly focused on finding a way to enter a situation where I am in control of the value I produce, and making sure I am producing premium products or services. Two years later, and here I am. Still standing at the drawing board. So perhaps the thing that can change that is an evaluation of my approach to entrepreneurship. I have a tendency to focus on what I know / what I'm capable of / what I don't know. I think it may be time to stop focusing on myself. This is new to me, and weird, admittedly. But I'm thinking perhaps if I focus on others, I can mold myself to meet their need. Then it doesn't matter what I know, it matter only that I know enough to satisfy what they need me to do. The hardest part is maintaining this mindset while being asked every day to do the opposite.

    6) Who is it I see myself as?

    This answer will be dark and transparent. I see myself as someone who was once a fighter jet and is now a crop duster. I was an all-american athlete, helping my collegiate track team win one championship after another. I was a regarded researcher who used to produce insightful and valuable information for academic audiences. In contrast, I am now an order-taker who despises their existence. I am a shell of what I was before leaving college. My confidence is diminished. My sense of purpose is absent. I am aimless in mission, and a ball of anxiety. In my current state, I am valueless.

    7) Who do I see myself becoming?

    The vision I have for myself is relatively simple: an autonomous producer. This entails setting my own parameters for work, controlling who I sell to, controlling who I work with, controlling where I do my work and when, and controlling the values by which I conduct my business and my social behavior.

    The path between what I am now and what I envision as my "ought self" is hidden from my view. Perhaps it is as simple as finding a problem and solving for x, but the past two years I've been incapable of doing so. I think what it will really take is patience and commitment, which I need to work on a lot. I have a lot of respect for others that have made this transition, and my hope is to model their growth in some fashion.
     
    RayAndré and LightHouse like this.
  22. ManliestManofMen
    Offline

    ManliestManofMen New Contributor

    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    4
    Joined:
    Saturday
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Rep Bank:
    $121
    I think you need to find a new job. In the meantime, you can start a side business. But if your job is making you miserable, find another one.

    Give up the idea that you're supposed to be somewhere by "x" amount of time. We're all on our own journeys. Don't compare yourself to others. That's toxic and poisonous.

    Be your own best friend. You'll fail. You'll make mistakes. Pick yourself up and try again. We're not perfect. Life happens. When one door closes, find another way to get inside, whether that's by knocking on the next door or going through the window. You only fail when you give up. Otherwise, it's just a set back.
     
    ChrisR and Tommo like this.
  23. LightHouse
    Offline

    LightHouse Legendary Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

    Messages:
    3,922
    Likes Received:
    5,054
    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2007
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern VA
    Rep Bank:
    $27,290
    Why are you still working there? Also, if you meet resistance and that demotivates you, you need to find a new method. I wouldn't assume everything you are doing is the right approach. It might seems the best and most correct to you but clearly it isn't for your boss'es or the business. This is the same when you run your own company as well.

    If you want your output directly tied to income and value production, then its time to get a sales job, seriously. You will never be in a 1:1 or 1:1+ output to money situation outside of sales. So if that is truly the reason you feed yourself, then step up and see what you can do.

    Expectations will never be clear and you will be bombarded by new problems every day. Also, customers don't care about you or value your effort. They care only about what you can do for them, which is MUCH worse than working for a company. This is something a great dose of perspective can help you right now, while you shift gears.

    The words you use here make it sound as though you are serving a duty. You have a choice to be working there or anywhere else. You can make the decision to change jobs or work somewhere else. You do not get to feel sorry for yourself here because it's your choice. If you aren't happy, what is holding you in place?

    I don't think you have to be someone else for anyone. But I think you are very focused on the point and not the process. The reason I am focused on changing your perspective in your job, is because it's the best precursor you can get to running a company in your situation. You are having a hard time staying motivated there and need external factors to provide for you. Rather, you should be making that happen yourself. Stand up, take control back of your identity and make the changes in life that set you on the right path.

    You have the right tool set from there to recognize an opportunity and capitalize on it when you see it, so give it some time and don't let that time fuel your disdain for not being there. Sometimes it takes a while.


    My first business, i just bought equipment and started from absolute 0. I have no idea how i really even got into it, i just did.

    So what changed? and what in your mind will let you see yourself for who you are again? Is the all american athlete really lost? Maybe you are just on the wrong path and forgot?

    It sounds like it's time to change directions. That can be as easy or as difficult as you believe it will. Your beliefs here will become your reality. You could be headed in a whole new direction in weeks if you wanted too, you just need to make a choice and a decision.


    You haven't been incapable, it sounds like the right opportunity isn't there yet. It will come, but are you even prepared and in the right mindset for it? It takes a lot of self motivation and resilience to not just start something, but keep it running and profitable after all the fun and easy stuff is done. If you had a business that was making $10M/year, would you had it over to yourself right now in the state you are in if everything was at stake? Would you look for someone that is hungry, ready, confident, and know without a doubt that they would crush it and do anything it takes to turn that $10m into $20m/yr?
     
    Kruiser, Storm24, FiftySeven and 4 others like this.
  24. 404profound
    Offline

    404profound Gold Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    659
    Likes Received:
    1,401
    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2017
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Desert of Desertion
    Rep Bank:
    $1,618
    Again, thank you for giving me a lot to mull over.

    I suppose I would not trust myself to manage a profitable business in my current mental state.
     
  25. ChrisV
    Online

    ChrisV Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    1,018
    Likes Received:
    1,532
    Joined:
    May 10, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Islands of Calleja
    Rep Bank:
    $10,158
    You might want to see someone professionally. None of us are technically qualified to give advice on this, and there may be alements of depression at play here. With self-esteem issues, there often are.
     

Share This Page