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NOTABLE! How do you stop hating yourself?

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Almantas

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Can you just imagine how much you could've spent on counseling fees alone? And we have access to such an amazing source of advice and information for free. I don't know about you, but I will definitely take down some notes and act on advice given. Pure gold, thanks guys!
 

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whiz

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Full disclaimer: not a therapist

I did not like myself. Now I love myself like a son.

You need to come to terms with whatever is bothering you about yourself and you need to get past it. Forgive yourself and move on.

Then practice appreciation and reframe things in a positive way.

Appreciate where you're at now but strive for more. You will never get anywhere if you chose to beat yourself up.

If your fear is being mediocre, then stop being mediocre. Stop doing mediocre shit and thinking in a mediocre way. Its so easy to just roll over and let the waves of life dictate which direction you go in. There's nothing extraordinary about that.

You need to stop believing that you don't have control. A lot of people relinquish responsibility because it's the path of least resistance. You can't go wrong when nothing is your fault, you know? It's the worlds fault!

If I appear insensitive or ignorant, so be it. I'm just stating how I feel about shit, coming from a background of complete helplessness and mediocrity.

Be stoic and keep your chin up - even if your life "sucks", [chances are] it's nothing compared to the hardships some people have been through historically. Your ancestors have put in an enormous amount of sacrifice just for you to be here. So be strong and make incremental moves in a positive direction until they compound.

Everything is temporary, including life - don't waste it

And don't even talk about that suicide bullshit - you are doing everyone, including yourself, a disservice. The world doesn't need another one of these stories.

It needs more "used to hate myself, now I love myself" stories.

It needs more stories about someone talking about offing themselves on a forum but then going on to do huge shit in the world in a matter of years. That's a way cooler story.

Just make the choice to believe, and abandon your former identity - just let him go.

Your personality is just a reflection of the beliefs and ideas of all the people you've been exposed to throughout your life.

Here on FLF, you have the choice to subscribe to better quality ideas and outlooks than the ones you have been traditionally prescribed.

Make the conscious, responsible decision to choose love over fear.

There are two people in this world - people that believe they can do it, and people that believe they can't. They are both usually right.
 
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404profound

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Full disclaimer: not a therapist

I did not like myself. Now I love myself like a son.

You need to come to terms with whatever is bothering you about yourself and you need to get past it. Forgive yourself and move on.

Then practice appreciation and reframe things in a positive way.

Appreciate where you're at now but strive for more. You will never get anywhere if you chose to beat yourself up.

If your fear is being mediocre, then stop being mediocre. Stop doing mediocre sh*t and thinking in a mediocre way. Its so easy to just roll over and let the waves of life dictate which direction you go in. There's nothing extraordinary about that.

You need to stop believing that you don't have control. A lot of people relinquish responsibility because it's the path of least resistance. You can't go wrong when nothing is your fault, you know? It's the worlds fault!

If I appear insensitive or ignorant, so be it. I'm just stating how I feel about sh*t, coming from a background of complete helplessness and mediocrity.

Be stoic and keep your chin up - even if your life "sucks", [chances are] it's nothing compared to the hardships some people have been through historically. Your ancestors have put in an enormous amount of sacrifice just for you to be here. So be strong and make incremental moves in a positive direction until they compound.

Everything is temporary, including life - don't waste it

And don't even talk about that suicide bullshit - you are doing everyone, including yourself, a disservice. The world doesn't need another one of these stories.

It needs more "used to hate myself, now I love myself" stories.

It needs more stories about someone talking about offing themselves on a forum but then going on to do huge sh*t in the world in a matter of years. That's a way cooler story.

Just make the choice to believe, and abandon your former identity - just let him go.

Your personality is just a reflection of the beliefs and ideas of all the people you've been exposed to throughout your life.

Here on FLF, you have the choice to subscribe to better quality ideas and outlooks than the ones you have been traditionally prescribed.

Make the conscious, responsible decision to choose love over fear.

There are two people in this world - people that believe they can do it, and people that believe they can't. They are both usually right.
Come try to sync a Vuex getter on a Node API and tell me which one you are.
 

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I noticed something important in your language. You seem to be thinking in terms of what you ARE, and hating those things. This will hurt you and slow you down, believe me. Example: "I hate myself for being a slave." Try not to define your whole being with a statement like that; you deserve better.

Please change that statement: You are a novice entrepreneur temporarily working for others. You hate that you're not building an asset for yourself or solving problems independently. You don't hate yourself, you hate the current situation. This is catharsis that you can act on.

It's 100% Ok to not like your circumstances. Not so much to not like "yourself." Let's review some things that you "are:"
  • You are a member of the most intelligent species on this planet.
  • You are capable of learning.
  • You are capable of pursuing goals, whether you've solved for them all or not.
Most other stuff is what you're "doing" or what you're "subject to" under current circumstances. Your intelligence, ability to learn, and ability to pursue goals can change those things in all but the most dire circumstances.

What are you "doing:"
  • You are working for someone else's company so that you can make ends meet.
  • You are learning skills that you plan to use to change your circumstances.
  • You are looking for ideas to help you get unstuck from a perceived mental block or lack of adequate progress.
Take a few days and listen to how you define yourself. When you notice that you are condemning yourself, take a moment to mentally correct that. Instead, define the situation you don't like, what you don't like about it, etc. Save the negativity for the things you want to change and push away from yourself. This will actually help you make progress in your goals, in my experience. After all, if you know the "thing" that you don't want, you can keep planning to get rid of it. But if, through a trick of language, you start defining that thing as yourself, you can end up in a dark place.

One other thing I want to mention.

At one time I had a very, very strong "inner critic." I had no idea what that was, and had not really noticed it. However, it was crippling in terms of actually completing things and having confidence to move forward.

An "inner critic" if you're not familiar, is that voice that comes up and says "ah, you're full of shit," or "can't you do anything right?" It's pretty eye opening to start listening for this sort of thing in your inner monologue. Many people sub-vocalize thoughts like this all the time... they are basically acting as their own prosecutor.

I became aware of this problem though this book. I didn't do all the exercises, but I got the concept and took the time to correct every instance of self-prosecution. For me, that removed many blocks, so maybe it will help you. Good luck :)
 

whiz

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I was pretty slammed from NYE party when I wrote that, so be happy I responded at all.

Another thread I'm never coming back to again

Good luck changing anything about your life with an attitude like that

A bunch of people here are trying to help your whiny a$$ and you can't even bother yourself to press the thanks button under the posts. People are posting paragraphs here and you just respond with 2-3 sentences of ME ME ME

You probably hate yourself because you're a self centered narcissist without an appreciation for reciprocation

Whatever

Less competition for people like me who actually do shit with their time instead of mope around on forums about hating themselves

Get help
 

Mr.Brandtastic

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How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?

Like most things in life, it's never so simple. Take for example losing weight. Let's say you weigh a whopping 400 pounds. It's unreasonable to say, "I'm going to lose all the weight in one day" or even "I'm going to lose all the weight in one week." It took you years to put on that weight, you should expect it will take a long period (at least several months) of time for the weight to come off.

Can you remember how you were as a small child? Did you hate yourself? I bet the answer is no. Even though you didn't understand the world at all, you didn't hate it. You were curious. You were happy. At some point in adolescence or adulthood, bad habits started to form. Bad habits are the cause of so much of the world's misery.

So I can only speak from experience of how I started to like myself:

1) Take personal responsibility for the choices I make, I control my universe.

2) Write a journal (as some people stated above, strange, I thought I was the only one) of all the things I'm grateful for. Literally everything. This helps put things in perspective and helps to defeat ECS (entitled crybaby syndrome). I don't look at it every day but when I get frustrated or angry I look at it.

3) This might be the most important, what is a bad day for you? Determine it succinctly. Writing it down is better. A bad day for most people should be a lazy day, where they wanted to do so many things, but sat on the couch all day eating Doritos and watching Netflix. What is a good day? One where you read, go to the gym, eat right, work on business, talk to x number of people, etc.? Determine that. Now try to move towards having good days all while reducing bad days. Remember, bad habits won't always be broken tomorrow. Don't expect it. But start replacing them with good habits so you can have good days.

4) Create a daily agenda. Some people don't like this but honestly I like this a lot. It reduces anxiety and helps me to create less bad days. Organize your life in such a way that excludes bad habits. They'll leak in a little. But the more organized you are, the more you will get accomplished, the more good days you will have. Let's say now you have 6 bad days for 1 good day. You need to learn to do the inverse over time (let's say 2-3 months realistically) so you can have 6 good days to 1 bad day. Or even better, no bad days.

It's long but I hoped this helped. I can't snap my fingers and break a depression spell. Just as I can't snap them to make someone lose 50 pounds overnight. It's going to be a grind and a daily process. Which sounds hard but to me, it's like breathing, it's automatic.
 

404profound

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Another thread I'm never coming back to again

Good luck changing anything about your life with an attitude like that

A bunch of people here are trying to help your whiny a$$ and you can't even bother yourself to press the thanks button under the posts. People are posting paragraphs here and you just respond with 2-3 sentences of ME ME ME

You probably hate yourself because you're a self centered narcissist without an appreciation for reciprocation

Whatever

Less competition for people like me who actually do sh*t with their time instead of mope around on forums about hating themselves

Get help
No, I'm pissed of because people are still reviving this thread long after it was retired, and every time I see it again it gets me down. I've tried to move on from that part of my life, but this f*ckin thread keeps bringing it back up.

I don't care if you're offended that I didn't click a goddamn like button. I've been writing code for hours a day in the purpose of helping others. Whatever preconceived notions you have about my character are based on my posting to this thread, so I truly don't care of your opinion of me. If you look back through it you'd see many times I was conversant with people helping me and am grateful they did so. But now people seem to be reviving it just to bring me down again.
 

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MJ DeMarco

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But now people seem to be reviving it just to bring me down again.

People aren't reviving it to bring you down. If anything, it should make you happy and remind you how FAR you've come. And no thread, post, or digitized message on the internet should have the power to ruin your head.

There are other folks who might be feeling the same as you did.

The people here have given you some great ideas and advice.

I'm sure there are other folks out there who are struggling with similar thoughts.

Thread marked NOTABLE.
 

whiz

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Said I wasn't coming back but I'm here because MJ responded and thread is notable now -

I apologize for calling you a self-centered narcissist

The responses just frustrated me

Everyone here wants to see everyone do good

I just felt like you weren't really understanding the responses or taking them in - you were just reading them and auto-sorting them in your brain as attacks or useless junk

When you finally allow yourself to love yourself, you're gonna to wish you did it sooner.

All this nonsense will be silly to you

Hope you find your peace
 

Bryaninbangkok

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I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?

I won't repeat the other advice that's in this thread because its good, but I find any negative thoughts are usually good at pushing us and motivating us, its that anger/depression/anxiety that we need to take huge action and throw ourselves into the unknown, sometimes we need to wait for the pain to worsen before we take action, feel that pain, it's your fearless leader.
 

404profound

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I won't repeat the other advice that's in this thread because its good, but I find any negative thoughts are usually good at pushing us and motivating us, its that anger/depression/anxiety that we need to take huge action and throw ourselves into the unknown, sometimes we need to wait for the pain to worsen before we take action, feel that pain, it's your fearless leader.
Funny you mention that, since October I've used that pain to propel me into building an app. I was hoping this thread wouldn't resurrect, but it's all good.
 

simplymoto

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Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of all the awesome in your life. Limit yourself to three things you HAVE to get done each day and then make sure you do them. You can do more, but make sure you do the three big ones. Then you'll start to feel momentum. Focus on one thing until you're successful. Unsubscribe from all the lists pushing new bright shiny objects. I'm not there yet either and I've failed a ton. But I have my dream and I'm not giving up on it. Make sure your end goal is clear also. That really helps when things get tough.

Thank you Lara, I am an overacheiver and sometimes I don't feel the achievement, and at times I've tried to write journals and it helps, it shows how much I have achieved from where I've started.

"How do you stop hating yourself?"

I've found that you cannot stop thoughts. You can only redirect them. So prepare some mental constructs ahead of time - identify some things that, when you think about them, you feel really good. It could be a memory, a future goal, a beautiful place, whatever. When you find yourself thinking any negative thought (why can't I succeed, I'm a failure, I must be stupid, I'm too impatient, I'm out of time, I'll never make it, etc.) simply redirect your attention to those good-feeling thoughts you prepared. Immerse yourself in the thought/image/movie (see it, feel it, smell it, taste it, etc.) and let it shift your emotions. Once you do that, it will be easier to take the next step - positive action in the direction you desire.

Thanks Acorns, yes this helps. I have some childhood fear, when I was growing up I move to a new city where they speak a different dialect, and I was laugh at for not knowing it, and nowadays when I meet people who's from that city or people who speak the dialect and have nervous attacks, I know it's very silly compared to the life and death fear others have, but sometimes I direct it away by thinking happy thoughts, it's not always successful but it does help.
 

oldboy

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Thanks for that advice. I will give that a try.
I am new here but i can confirm that what @StompingAcorns said. It is working and it is a validate method. While i was drug addict in my early years and i participate in a closed rehabilitation facilities we did therapy groups. One of the subject was that we couldn't stand our thoughts who keep on coming in our head when we see other junkies and raise the feeling inside us to inject our selfs once more. For example. i was having 2 years clean of drugs but while i was walking i saw a syringe right front me, the feeling to go find some heroine and make my head light again was raised in instance. My therapist told me...it was syringe fault for my thoughts? or mine because i let my self in those thoughts? Another user said that when she are near trees she remember how she hiding her cocaine in trees routes. So what? Are she going to blame all the trees she finds front of her for the rest of her life? Yes you can redirect your thoughts in something that you find that helps you, you can create new memories and actually go out and make new memories. By creating new memories you can redirect your thoughts in something beautiful. When my mom told me what her favorite flower was, anytime i see that flower or any flower i choose to remember her. Now i see a syringe and i choose to think how i used to feed a kitten, not what i did as a stupid young boy. I used that method, i am still doing it and im 14 years off to drugs while all my past friends are dead or near to death. I hope you understand. I know that my English is horrible but i went only two years in English lessons, i have learned English only from movies subtitles and music through years. You will find the way to lift your spirits. :)
 

404profound

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I am new here but i can confirm that what @StompingAcorns said. It is working and it is a validate method. While i was drug addict in my early years and i participate in a closed rehabilitation facilities we did therapy groups. One of the subject was that we couldn't stand our thoughts who keep on coming in our head when we see other junkies and raise the feeling inside us to inject our selfs once more. For example. i was having 2 years clean of drugs but while i was walking i saw a syringe right front me, the feeling to go find some heroine and make my head light again was raised in instance. My therapist told me...it was syringe fault for my thoughts? or mine because i let my self in those thoughts? Another user said that when she are near trees she remember how she hiding her cocaine in trees routes. So what? Are she going to blame all the trees she finds front of her for the rest of her life? Yes you can redirect your thoughts in something that you find that helps you, you can create new memories and actually go out and make new memories. By creating new memories you can redirect your thoughts in something beautiful. When my mom told me what her favorite flower was, anytime i see that flower or any flower i choose to remember her. Now i see a syringe and i choose to think how i used to feed a kitten, not what i did as a stupid young boy. I used that method, i am still doing it and im 14 years off to drugs while all my past friends are dead or near to death. I hope you understand. I know that my English is horrible but i went only two years in English lessons, i have learned English only from movies subtitles and music through years. You will find the way to lift your spirits. :)
#threadnecro
 

balilife

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I think believing that you are a corporate Slave is a bit harsh. You are doing what you have to do to pay the bills my friend. You should take solace in your resilience and pride in the process. I have failed so many times yet I personally keep moving forward. The game of entrepreneurship is a harsh one. Try and look at the positives in your life and block out the negative. Easier said then done and maybe not the response people want to hear. Be well man and keep on moving forward....
 

Entre Eyes

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People like Madonna have written Children's Books! That should motivate anyone.

Heard of Embarrassing Niches? These people have problems with a credit card in their hand...good odds to make a sale.

Why do so many people blog about blogging? Because new people come online every single day and they need hosting, autoresponders, many tools that will pay you.

You do not have to be an expert..you can interview one. Assist one that teaches you their business from the inside.

The list is endless. You do not hate yourself you hate your present scenario.

Colonel Sanders was around 65 and started KFC.

I used to hate the fact I always wanted the Mentor/Education I could not afford but sometimes you can still learn from observing very closely what they do for themselves.

There are a whole lot more problems than Successes but that also means the odds of Success for those that love the challenge improves. :)
 

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Johnny boy

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I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?

Everyone else is a scared little insecure kid pretending to be a grown up and when you realize that, it's off to the motherfvcking races.
 

Kevin88660

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I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?
This is where I beg to differ from the “feel good abt yourself “ mindset

I think one should have a vague healthy confidence that one will eventually realise his ambition and not live a life of mediocrity.

But on a MiCRO level One should be humble and paranoid about their imperfection.

The people I saw who have their shits together are insecure and paranoid about not being good. Exactly the opposite of being confident.

Why bother to chew glass and improve if everything feels so good at the moment?
 

Jon L

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@404profound ... I'm curious how you feel about things now, if you still hate yourself as much, what changed, and what it was that made the change happen?
 

404profound

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@404profound ... I'm curious how you feel about things now, if you still hate yourself as much, what changed, and what it was that made the change happen?
I'm not the pussy I used to be. Moved to California two months ago, making well over six figures doing machine learning and database tuning. Working on three apps on the side. Haven't worn a shirt in like two weeks lol
 

lunga ngcobo

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I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?
Besides millions of money. What else would make you truly happy? think about this for a few days and you will realize that you don't need to have millions to start enjoying life.

For Mj it was moving to a sunny city. Notice that he didn't yet have millions but that shift in his life gave him more courage and hope to reach his goals. as he said " I felt rich" even though he had nothing

For me it was living on a sea side apartment in a multi racial neighborhood. I could be happy by just standing on my balcony and watching the ocean waves, feeling the breeze and socializing with all races. No money spent, besides my rent.

If you think about it you will realize that none of these goals require millions but once you achieve them, you will begin to build momentum to reach a bigger goal.

Your current problems is thinking that all your happiness will come in a bang. you feel that the only time you will feel happy is when you make millions.

Have small targets and milestones where you reward yourself for reaching a certain goal. But make sure that your reward doesn't cripple your progress.
 

timza522

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for me, myself, i been to that situation, and here is how i solve my internal think, or self talk.

first, learn to forgive yourself.

1. there are many good speaker on ted talk, after watch, hear many people, it will come across that disappointed is part of human. So it is very normal to feel that way, nothing wrong. Watch and hear how they solve it, how they think of that situation.

2. for me, MJ book help me this, failure and just part of process. everyone need to face, according to the books , many people been to hard time, but once time passed by no one will care, it just part of story. So it is a process, Remember, Failure is just another process.

3. book like Mel robbins, life coach also good book, change your internal think, sometime, disappoint, sad, angry, come from Fear, or your childhood experience, or passed experience, u need to find what reason it is and change the way you look at thing.

4. most of all, learn to accepted. disappoint, unhappy, is part of human. try to accepted, forgive yourself failure is ok, it is really ok.

5. self talk, when u find this situation again, u just talk to yourself that, it just another process that we all need to face. make this smaller and smaller issue, one day u will wake up it will totally gone of your mind.

hope u good luck !

tim
 

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Pure acceptance of the moment my friend. I know you are talking about "hating yourself", but lets call it out for what it most likely is, anxiety and depression.

Right now I am in a low point, borderline depressed and I am late every day to work because I cant face getting out of bed and facing the day. Yesterday I made it to work at 13.00, so yeah the anxiety is somewhat crippling and I am not my own biggest fan at the moment.

Sounds pretty miserable right? Haha. It is, but the fact is, and what you are doing well is you are recognizing it. These are the steps that work for me, and I hope this can help someone too:

1st step: Recognize It, Accept It and Own It!

I know this is a pain body reaction to loneliness, I know it is not going away today, but I see it for what it is, my mind trying to dominate my emotions.

2nd Step: Wait it out, This Too Shall Pass!

I ignore my thoughts as best I can and focus my energy outward. Give as much value you can afford to those around you even though it is really hard sometimes. It is hard, but prevents you from dwelling based upon the real direct emotion/problem and possibly diluting it with all the negative thoughts you will get whilst you are spiraling. Hold on for dear life and ride it out.

3rd Step: Assessment, WTF Happened?

This maybe a moment of clarity between depressive states. For me at least my episodes are getting far less frequent. I am not a psychologist, but these steps have helped me a lot.

The last time I felt depression was when I read MJs Unscripted and that was in May, this was full two full days on the couch with the curtains closed just looking at the ceiling numb. When it passed I assessed the cause of the (in this case it was somewhat obvious as you all probably know). WTF have I done with my life??? What am I going to do now?


4th Step: Reaction - Accept it, Change it or Fight it.

These steps I learned from practicing Tai Chi for over two years. But since, I have saw these laws applied so many times to all different aspects of life.

Accept it: Accept your situation/issue, that there is nothing you can do about it. Own it, or choose walk away from it.
Change it: This means being flexible to the situation. Change your circumstances and be the master of your destiny.
Fight it: Resist your situation, challenge it and take direct action against it.

Different problems require different Reactions to address them. Only you can choose that based on Step 3 and your own preference.
(For example: Cancer, you cant change the fact it is there, but you can Fight it or Accept it. Whereas in human interaction (e.g. an inadequate boss) it is more political to try and change it or accept it, rather than to fight it head on).


5th Step: Implement and iterate

Iteration after implementation in my experience is mostly always required, but it is really difficult to recognize and address this before dropped back into Step 1 and 2. I havent mastered it yet.
Depression is a subtle f*cker that creeps out of know where, and can be building for a period of months before it hits you and throws you on your back.

It gets better and better every time you loop though the steps, and attacks come less and less frequently as more internal issues are dealt with.


Conclusion
A book to read if you haven't already, is the "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. I do not agree with everything in his book, but I would be lying if I said it hasn't changed my life for the better. It will help you recognize that those moments you hate yourself, is not "your self" but an uncontrolled mind dominating you into submission. It is hard work to practice this self control, but well worth it.

After proof reading, apologies for the epilogue haha. Today it is all feeling pretty horribly fresh, and I hope I can help someone out of it faster than I can help myself.
 

Jon L

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I'm not the pussy I used to be. Moved to California two months ago, making well over six figures doing machine learning and database tuning. Working on three apps on the side. Haven't worn a shirt in like two weeks lol
That's quite cool. What was it that brought about that change?
 

WillHurtDontCare

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Think of someone you like a lot and start acting like them.
 

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