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NOTABLE! How do you stop hating yourself?

Almantas

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Can you just imagine how much you could've spent on counseling fees alone? And we have access to such an amazing source of advice and information for free. I don't know about you, but I will definitely take down some notes and act on advice given. Pure gold, thanks guys!
 

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whiz

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Full disclaimer: not a therapist

I did not like myself. Now I love myself like a son.

You need to come to terms with whatever is bothering you about yourself and you need to get past it. Forgive yourself and move on.

Then practice appreciation and reframe things in a positive way.

Appreciate where you're at now but strive for more. You will never get anywhere if you chose to beat yourself up.

If your fear is being mediocre, then stop being mediocre. Stop doing mediocre shit and thinking in a mediocre way. Its so easy to just roll over and let the waves of life dictate which direction you go in. There's nothing extraordinary about that.

You need to stop believing that you don't have control. A lot of people relinquish responsibility because it's the path of least resistance. You can't go wrong when nothing is your fault, you know? It's the worlds fault!

If I appear insensitive or ignorant, so be it. I'm just stating how I feel about shit, coming from a background of complete helplessness and mediocrity.

Be stoic and keep your chin up - even if your life "sucks", [chances are] it's nothing compared to the hardships some people have been through historically. Your ancestors have put in an enormous amount of sacrifice just for you to be here. So be strong and make incremental moves in a positive direction until they compound.

Everything is temporary, including life - don't waste it

And don't even talk about that suicide bullshit - you are doing everyone, including yourself, a disservice. The world doesn't need another one of these stories.

It needs more "used to hate myself, now I love myself" stories.

It needs more stories about someone talking about offing themselves on a forum but then going on to do huge shit in the world in a matter of years. That's a way cooler story.

Just make the choice to believe, and abandon your former identity - just let him go.

Your personality is just a reflection of the beliefs and ideas of all the people you've been exposed to throughout your life.

Here on FLF, you have the choice to subscribe to better quality ideas and outlooks than the ones you have been traditionally prescribed.

Make the conscious, responsible decision to choose love over fear.

There are two people in this world - people that believe they can do it, and people that believe they can't. They are both usually right.
 
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404profound

404profound

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Full disclaimer: not a therapist

I did not like myself. Now I love myself like a son.

You need to come to terms with whatever is bothering you about yourself and you need to get past it. Forgive yourself and move on.

Then practice appreciation and reframe things in a positive way.

Appreciate where you're at now but strive for more. You will never get anywhere if you chose to beat yourself up.

If your fear is being mediocre, then stop being mediocre. Stop doing mediocre sh*t and thinking in a mediocre way. Its so easy to just roll over and let the waves of life dictate which direction you go in. There's nothing extraordinary about that.

You need to stop believing that you don't have control. A lot of people relinquish responsibility because it's the path of least resistance. You can't go wrong when nothing is your fault, you know? It's the worlds fault!

If I appear insensitive or ignorant, so be it. I'm just stating how I feel about sh*t, coming from a background of complete helplessness and mediocrity.

Be stoic and keep your chin up - even if your life "sucks", [chances are] it's nothing compared to the hardships some people have been through historically. Your ancestors have put in an enormous amount of sacrifice just for you to be here. So be strong and make incremental moves in a positive direction until they compound.

Everything is temporary, including life - don't waste it

And don't even talk about that suicide bullshit - you are doing everyone, including yourself, a disservice. The world doesn't need another one of these stories.

It needs more "used to hate myself, now I love myself" stories.

It needs more stories about someone talking about offing themselves on a forum but then going on to do huge sh*t in the world in a matter of years. That's a way cooler story.

Just make the choice to believe, and abandon your former identity - just let him go.

Your personality is just a reflection of the beliefs and ideas of all the people you've been exposed to throughout your life.

Here on FLF, you have the choice to subscribe to better quality ideas and outlooks than the ones you have been traditionally prescribed.

Make the conscious, responsible decision to choose love over fear.

There are two people in this world - people that believe they can do it, and people that believe they can't. They are both usually right.
Come try to sync a Vuex getter on a Node API and tell me which one you are.
 

LightHouse

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Rabby

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I noticed something important in your language. You seem to be thinking in terms of what you ARE, and hating those things. This will hurt you and slow you down, believe me. Example: "I hate myself for being a slave." Try not to define your whole being with a statement like that; you deserve better.

Please change that statement: You are a novice entrepreneur temporarily working for others. You hate that you're not building an asset for yourself or solving problems independently. You don't hate yourself, you hate the current situation. This is catharsis that you can act on.

It's 100% Ok to not like your circumstances. Not so much to not like "yourself." Let's review some things that you "are:"
  • You are a member of the most intelligent species on this planet.
  • You are capable of learning.
  • You are capable of pursuing goals, whether you've solved for them all or not.
Most other stuff is what you're "doing" or what you're "subject to" under current circumstances. Your intelligence, ability to learn, and ability to pursue goals can change those things in all but the most dire circumstances.

What are you "doing:"
  • You are working for someone else's company so that you can make ends meet.
  • You are learning skills that you plan to use to change your circumstances.
  • You are looking for ideas to help you get unstuck from a perceived mental block or lack of adequate progress.
Take a few days and listen to how you define yourself. When you notice that you are condemning yourself, take a moment to mentally correct that. Instead, define the situation you don't like, what you don't like about it, etc. Save the negativity for the things you want to change and push away from yourself. This will actually help you make progress in your goals, in my experience. After all, if you know the "thing" that you don't want, you can keep planning to get rid of it. But if, through a trick of language, you start defining that thing as yourself, you can end up in a dark place.

One other thing I want to mention.

At one time I had a very, very strong "inner critic." I had no idea what that was, and had not really noticed it. However, it was crippling in terms of actually completing things and having confidence to move forward.

An "inner critic" if you're not familiar, is that voice that comes up and says "ah, you're full of shit," or "can't you do anything right?" It's pretty eye opening to start listening for this sort of thing in your inner monologue. Many people sub-vocalize thoughts like this all the time... they are basically acting as their own prosecutor.

I became aware of this problem though this book. I didn't do all the exercises, but I got the concept and took the time to correct every instance of self-prosecution. For me, that removed many blocks, so maybe it will help you. Good luck :)
 

whiz

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I was pretty slammed from NYE party when I wrote that, so be happy I responded at all.
Another thread I'm never coming back to again

Good luck changing anything about your life with an attitude like that

A bunch of people here are trying to help your whiny a$$ and you can't even bother yourself to press the thanks button under the posts. People are posting paragraphs here and you just respond with 2-3 sentences of ME ME ME

You probably hate yourself because you're a self centered narcissist without an appreciation for reciprocation

Whatever

Less competition for people like me who actually do shit with their time instead of mope around on forums about hating themselves

Get help
 

Mr.Brandtastic

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How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?
Like most things in life, it's never so simple. Take for example losing weight. Let's say you weigh a whopping 400 pounds. It's unreasonable to say, "I'm going to lose all the weight in one day" or even "I'm going to lose all the weight in one week." It took you years to put on that weight, you should expect it will take a long period (at least several months) of time for the weight to come off.

Can you remember how you were as a small child? Did you hate yourself? I bet the answer is no. Even though you didn't understand the world at all, you didn't hate it. You were curious. You were happy. At some point in adolescence or adulthood, bad habits started to form. Bad habits are the cause of so much of the world's misery.

So I can only speak from experience of how I started to like myself:

1) Take personal responsibility for the choices I make, I control my universe.

2) Write a journal (as some people stated above, strange, I thought I was the only one) of all the things I'm grateful for. Literally everything. This helps put things in perspective and helps to defeat ECS (entitled crybaby syndrome). I don't look at it every day but when I get frustrated or angry I look at it.

3) This might be the most important, what is a bad day for you? Determine it succinctly. Writing it down is better. A bad day for most people should be a lazy day, where they wanted to do so many things, but sat on the couch all day eating Doritos and watching Netflix. What is a good day? One where you read, go to the gym, eat right, work on business, talk to x number of people, etc.? Determine that. Now try to move towards having good days all while reducing bad days. Remember, bad habits won't always be broken tomorrow. Don't expect it. But start replacing them with good habits so you can have good days.

4) Create a daily agenda. Some people don't like this but honestly I like this a lot. It reduces anxiety and helps me to create less bad days. Organize your life in such a way that excludes bad habits. They'll leak in a little. But the more organized you are, the more you will get accomplished, the more good days you will have. Let's say now you have 6 bad days for 1 good day. You need to learn to do the inverse over time (let's say 2-3 months realistically) so you can have 6 good days to 1 bad day. Or even better, no bad days.

It's long but I hoped this helped. I can't snap my fingers and break a depression spell. Just as I can't snap them to make someone lose 50 pounds overnight. It's going to be a grind and a daily process. Which sounds hard but to me, it's like breathing, it's automatic.
 
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404profound

404profound

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Another thread I'm never coming back to again

Good luck changing anything about your life with an attitude like that

A bunch of people here are trying to help your whiny a$$ and you can't even bother yourself to press the thanks button under the posts. People are posting paragraphs here and you just respond with 2-3 sentences of ME ME ME

You probably hate yourself because you're a self centered narcissist without an appreciation for reciprocation

Whatever

Less competition for people like me who actually do sh*t with their time instead of mope around on forums about hating themselves

Get help
No, I'm pissed of because people are still reviving this thread long after it was retired, and every time I see it again it gets me down. I've tried to move on from that part of my life, but this F*ckin thread keeps bringing it back up.

I don't care if you're offended that I didn't click a goddamn like button. I've been writing code for hours a day in the purpose of helping others. Whatever preconceived notions you have about my character are based on my posting to this thread, so I truly don't care of your opinion of me. If you look back through it you'd see many times I was conversant with people helping me and am grateful they did so. But now people seem to be reviving it just to bring me down again.
 

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MJ DeMarco

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But now people seem to be reviving it just to bring me down again.
People aren't reviving it to bring you down. If anything, it should make you happy and remind you how FAR you've come. And no thread, post, or digitized message on the internet should have the power to ruin your head.

There are other folks who might be feeling the same as you did.

The people here have given you some great ideas and advice.

I'm sure there are other folks out there who are struggling with similar thoughts.

Thread marked NOTABLE.
 

whiz

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Said I wasn't coming back but I'm here because MJ responded and thread is notable now -

I apologize for calling you a self-centered narcissist

The responses just frustrated me

Everyone here wants to see everyone do good

I just felt like you weren't really understanding the responses or taking them in - you were just reading them and auto-sorting them in your brain as attacks or useless junk

When you finally allow yourself to love yourself, you're gonna to wish you did it sooner.

All this nonsense will be silly to you

Hope you find your peace
 

Bryaninbangkok

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I am at a point where I despise myself for still being a slave. I've been trying for multiple years to figure out how to solve real problems and start a business, and I've only fallen flat on my face.

How do people maintain self-esteem? How do you dust yourself off and regain confidence?
I won't repeat the other advice that's in this thread because its good, but I find any negative thoughts are usually good at pushing us and motivating us, its that anger/depression/anxiety that we need to take huge action and throw ourselves into the unknown, sometimes we need to wait for the pain to worsen before we take action, feel that pain, it's your fearless leader.
 
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404profound

404profound

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I won't repeat the other advice that's in this thread because its good, but I find any negative thoughts are usually good at pushing us and motivating us, its that anger/depression/anxiety that we need to take huge action and throw ourselves into the unknown, sometimes we need to wait for the pain to worsen before we take action, feel that pain, it's your fearless leader.
Funny you mention that, since October I've used that pain to propel me into building an app. I was hoping this thread wouldn't resurrect, but it's all good.
 

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